Me! Me! Me!

The other baby cuttlefish crowd round the Nachoo.

I'm back, says Jean-Botanist.

We know, say the others. We heard everything. You didn't learn mapping.

It wasn't my fault, says Jean-Botanist. Captain Baudin doesn't know mapping.

So you learned botany, says one of the other baby cuttlefish.

Yes, says Jean-Botanist. I collected three seeds.

And that's botany? asks another baby cuttlefish.

Half of botany, says Jean-Botanist.

What's the other half? asks another baby cuttlefish.

Identification, says Jean-Botanist. I show them to Gaius. He knows what the seeds are.

So what's the point? asks another baby cuttlefish.

Jean-Botanist doesn't know what the point is.

He changes the subject.

Who'd like a go in the Nachoo? asks Jean-Botanist.

Me! Me! Me! say nearly all of the baby cuttlefish.

Get in a line then, says Jean-Botanist. 

Look at that! says Denis. The baby cuttlefish have lined up in the water.

So they have, says Gaius. Odd behaviour.

They want turns in the Nachoo, says Terence.

Of course! says Gaius. We should have realised.

A baby cuttlefish has backed into the Nachoo.

Now what?

Jean-Botanist is making signals to Terence.

Terence leans forward.

Jom-Botomist wants to get out of the water, says Terence.

I'll lift him out, says Gaius.

He lifts Jean-Botanist out of the water.

What's happening down there? asks Gaius.

They're having turns in the Nachoo, says Jean-Botanist. 

The one who backed in has come out again.

He doesn't look happy.

The next one goes in.

Comes out again.

Doesn't look happy.

Soon all the baby cuttlefish have gone in and come out again. 

Not one of them looks happy.

Fast Botany

Here they come! shouts Terence.

They couldn't have done much mapping, says Gaius.

They were only doing theory of mapping, says Denis.

If anything, says Ageless.

Captain Baudin tows the Nachoo right up to the rocks on which Gaius and Denis are sitting.

Terence is kneeling, leaning forward.

The baby cuttlefish looks up at him, from the Nachoo.

Did you learn proper mapping? asks Terence.

No, says the baby cuttlefish. I learned something better.

He's learning botany, says Captain Baudin.

You don't know botany, says Ageless.

He showed an interest, says Captain Baudin. He went ashore and collected some specimens.

Where are they? asks Terence.

The baby cuttlefish eases out of the Nachoo, and re-enters head first.

Feels around in the dark for his seeds.

Comes out backwards. with the seeds attached to his suckers.

Terence reaches down to take them.

Stop! says Gaius. I'll do it.

He reaches down to take them.

Saltbush seeds, says Gaius. Eremophila glabra.

I know, says the baby cuttlefish.

How come you know? asks Terence.

The bush told me, says the baby cuttlefish. It asked me if I was a caterpillar.

What did you say? asks Terence.

No, says the the baby cuttlefish. I said I was a botanist. 

Bushes don't talk, says Terence.

And they don't eat caterpillars says Denis.

Maybe it thought the caterpillar would eat it, says Ageless.

It was an emu, says Captain Baudin. I saw it.

I was going to say that, says the baby cuttlefish. Except I didn't know what to call it.

So you can't be a botanist, says Ageless.

A botanist does not need to be able to identify an emu, says Gaius. Although of course it does help.

It gave me a new name, says the baby cuttlefish. Jean-Botanist

Woo! says Terence. That's a really cool name.

Jean-Botanist is pleased Terence likes it.

Are you going to continue doing botany? asks Gaius.

Yes, says Jean-Botanist. I'm doing fast botany.

Fast botany? says Gaius. What does that mean?

He has to get out of the Nachoo to do it, says Captain Baudin. 

Of course! says Gaius. Land is not his natural element.

To be honest, says Denis, it's ridiculous for a cuttlefish to want to do botany.

No, says Gaius. We mght regard this as a possible evolutionary breakthrough.

I suppose so, says Denis.

The Cracklebush Spits

This looks like a good spot, says Captain Baudin. I'll leave you to it.

For three days? asks the baby cuttlefish.

Of course not, says Captain Baudin. You are just a beginner.

Captain Baudin pulls the Nachoo onto a sandy embankment, edged by rocks and bushes.

The water drains out of the Nachoo.

The baby cuttlefish crawls out.

You probably haven't got long, says Captain Baudin.

That's okay, says the baby cuttlefish. Wait here while I do some collecting.

All right, says Captain Baudin. And when you're done collecting we'll take the specimens back to Gaius, for identification.

Yes captain, says the baby cuttlefish.

Captain Baudin settles down to wait at the water's edge, beside the beached Nachoo.

The baby cuttlefish drags himself along the sand to the shade of a bush.

The bush makes a crackling sound.

This must be a cracklebush, says the baby cuttlefish.

And who are you to decide that? asks the cracklebush.

Oo-er! The baby cuttlefish tries to remember his botanist name.

Jean-Batiste, says the baby cuttlefish, the first cool name he remembers.

Are you a caterpillar? ask the cracklebush.

No I'm a botanist, says the baby cuttlefish.

Jean-Botanist! cackles the cracklebush.

A beak pokes out of the cracklebush, attached to the face of an emu.

You look like a caterpillar, says the emu in the same voice as the cracklebush.

Jean-Botanist realises his mistake.

It had not been the cracklebush speaking.

I eat caterpillars, says the emu, but saltbush seeds are my favourite, so you're lucky.

I am lucky, say Jean-Botanist. Now I know the name of this bush.

My compliments, says the emu. 

I'm here collecting specimens, says Jean-Botanist.

Of what? asks the emu.

Saltbush seeds, says Jean-Botanist.

You don't look like you've collected any, says the emu.

Not yet, says Jean-Botanist. It's harder than I thought with these arms.

The emu looks at Jean-Botanist's arms, with suckers on the undersides.

Suckers are no good for picking seeds, says the emu. Here, let me help. How many?

Three will do, says Jean-Botanist.

The emu picks three saltbush seeds with his beak and spits them towards Jean-Botanist.

Many thanks, says Jean-Botanist. 

He rolls the three seeds back down the sand to the Nachoo.

The emu watches as Jean-Botanist pushes the seeds into the Nachoo, before entering the Nachoo (backwards) and being towed back to sea by a lobster in a sea captain's hat.

Enterprising young chap, thinks the emu.

Cool Names

Captain Baudin tows the Nachoo away from the rocks.

He stops towing.

The Nachoo bobs up and down on the surface.

Come out, lad, says Captain Baudin.

I'm out, says the baby cuttlefish, coming out.

Face that way, says Captain Baudin. Tell me what you see.

Rocks and bushes, says the baby cuttlefish.

Very good, says Captain Baudin. Now, as to the mapping...

Yes, says the baby cuttlefish. 

Of course I didn't do my own mapping, says Captain Baudin. 

Who did it? asks the baby cuttlefish.

My surveyor, says Captain Baudin. He took his theodolite, chains and compasses and disappeared, sometimes for up to three days.

Does that mean you don't know how to do mapping? asks the baby cuttlefish.

Not quite, says Captain Baudin. Because I know what he did. He measured the angles.

Let's do that, says the baby cuttlefish.

We can't, without the proper the equipment, says Captain Baudin.

How will I learn? asks the baby cuttlefish.

Captain Baudin ponders.

Are you interested in botany? asks Captain Baudin.

What is botany? asks the baby cuttlefish.

Trees and bushes, says Captain Baudin. You've already spotted some bushes.

Does that mean I'd be good at it? asks the baby cuttlefish.

Yes, says Captain Baudin. As a botanist, you go ashore for up to three days, but you don't have to measure the angles.

So what will I be doing? asks the baby cuttlefish.

Picking up samples, and bringing them back to the vessel, says Captain Baudin.

Samples of bushes? asks the baby cuttlefish.

Not only bushes, says Captain Baudin. Flowers and grasses. 

I can do that, says the baby cuttlefish. 

It won't be easy, says Captain Baudin. My botanist had fingers for collecting his specimens.

I have eight arms, says the baby cuttlefish.

So you do, says Captaing Baudin. And you have your own Nachoo. Would you like me to tow you ashore, so you can make a start on your new occupation?

Yes, captain, says the baby cuttlefish. 

You remind me of my former botanist, says Captain Baudin. He too was respectful.

What was his name? asks the baby cuttlefish.

A long name, says Captain Baudin. As I recall, it was Jean Baptiste Louis-Claude Theodore Leschenault de la Tour.

I wish I had a name, says the baby cuttlefish.

Take one of his, says Captain Baudin.

The baby cuttlefish is excited, 

He's going to be a botanist.

With a choice of cool names.

Come With Me Lad

Again Terence lowers the Nachoo.

The baby cuttlefish backs into it slowly.

It's in! says Terence.

Pull it up, says Gaius. 

Terence lifts the Nachoo out of the water and peers in.

The baby cuttlefish stares out at Terence. 

Hello, says Terence. 

Hello, says the baby cuttlefish.

It talks! says Terence. It didn't before.

I was a baby, says the baby cuttlefish.

You're still a baby, says Terence. 

And I didn't like the egg box, says the baby cuttlefish.

Do you like the Nachoo? asks Terence.

I like this end, says the baby cuttlefish. Not the other end where I couldn't see out.

You're going to have a happy life, says Terence.

I know, says the baby cuttlefish. I'm going to learn mapping.

How come? asks Terence.

That's what you do in a Nachoo, says the baby cuttlefish.

Who said? asks Terence.

Lobster Guy, says the baby cuttlefish.

Ageless lobster is sunning himself on a rock, in his sunnies.

What's up? asks Ageless.

Mapping, says Terence. 

O yes, says Ageless. Proper mapping. Baudin is the one to teach that.

Where is he? asks Terence.

Looking for his hat, says Ageless. 

Baudin appears, in his sea captain's hat.

Found it, says Captain Baudin. 

Job for you, says Ageless.

What's that? asks Captain Baudin.

Terence's cuttlefish wants to learn proper mapping, says Ageless. 

A lost art, says Captain Baudin.

But you haven't lost it, says Ageless.

The theory, no, says Captain Baudin. But I no longer have my theodolite, chains and compasses.

What would a baby cuttlefish do with theodolites, chains and compasses? asks Ageless.

Nothing, says Captain Baudin. But I'll give him a theoretical lesson. Where is he?

Here, in the Nachoo, says Terence. 

He hands Captain Baudin the string.

Come with me, lad, says Captain Baudin.

The baby cuttlefish has little choice in the matter.

What's going to happen?

Captain Baudin heads to the edge of a rock and dives in.

Splash!

And splash!

The second splash is the splash of the Nachoo. 

The One Who Wasn't

It didn't work! says Terence.

It worked momentarily, says Gaius.

But then it didn't, says Terence.

Gaius looks into the water.

He sees many baby cuttlefish, looking up.

It seems you have their attention, says Gaius.

Terence looks too.

Yes, he has their attention.

Who wants a turn in the Nachoo? shouts Terence.

The baby cuttlefish look at one another.

Even the one who was about to go into the Nachoo when the Nachoo was pulled out of the water, is doubtful.

What happened can happen again.

No one wants to, says Terence.

Pity, says Gaius.

Why not send Ageless down, says Denis.

Send me? says Ageless.

Ask him to go down, says Denis.

Ageless, says Gaius. Will you go down and find out why no baby cuttlefish are willing to enter the Nachoo?

Leave it to Lobster Guy, says Ageless. 

He slips into the water, near the cuttlefish babies.

They back away.

Remember me? says Ageless.

No, say the cuttlefish babies.

You wouldn't, says Ageless. You were eggs last time I saw you.

We weren't EGGS! scoff the baby cuttlefish.

One of you wasn't, says Ageless.

Me, says the one who wasn't.

You! says Ageless. Is there a reason you jumped out of the Nachoo?

It was scary, says the baby cuttlefish. There were spikes at the entrance.

That has been rectified, says Ageless. But then you came back?

Yes, says the baby cuttlefish. I want to learn mapping.

Mapping? says Ageless. Proper mapping?

Yes, proper mapping, says the baby cuttlefish. And so I swam back here and saw the Nachoo and swam into it.

And straight out again like last time, says Ageless. What was the problem?

I went in head first and couldn't see anything, says the baby cuttlefish.

That's right, says one of the other baby cuttlefish.

So we said, go in bum first, says another one of the babies.

And I was just going to, says the baby cuttlefish.

So why didn't you? asks Ageless.

Because it zoomed away really quickly, says the baby cuttlefish.

Lobster Guy will fix this, says Ageless. Be ready next time.

He clambers out of the water and onto a rock.

Lower the Nachoo, says Ageless. 

Then what? asks Terence.

And wait, says Ageless. The baby cuttlefish will be backing in slowly. It wants to learn mapping.

Well done, Ageless! says Gaius.

Lobster Guy, says Ageless.

Bum First

He said he was mapping, says the baby cuttlefish. But he was just looking.

That's not mapping, agree the other baby cuttlefish.

That's what I thought, says the baby cuttlefish.

What about the Nachoo? asks one of the other baby cuttlefish.

He said cuttlefish don't need a Nachoo, says the baby cuttlefish.

But you were in one, says the other one. 

I know, says the baby cuttlefish. If I'd stayed in it, I might have got a lesson.

You could go back and ask, says the other one.

Yes, why don't you? ask the rest of the others.

Come with me? says the baby cuttlefish.

Okay, agree all the others.

They follow the baby cuttlefish back to the rock where he had leapt from the Nachoo.

They swim about, looking up.

Terence is ready to try out the new improved Nachoo. All it needs is some string.

The jagged edges round the top of the Nachoo have been curled inwards, now presenting no danger.

Captain Baudin has just returned from another trip back to th lighthouse to look for some string.

He has found some.

Now Gaius is tying the string round the top of the Nachoo, with a loop for Terence to hold onto.

He hands it to Terence.

Terence sits on a rock above the water and lowers the can on its string.

See that? That's the Nachoo! says the baby cuttlefish. 

Woo! say the other baby cuttlefish. Are you going to go in?

Yes! says the baby cuttlefish.

He swims in.

It came back! shouts Terence.

The baby cuttlefish comes out again backwards.

It got away! shouts Terence.

What's wrong? ask the other baby cuttlefish.

Can't see anything, it's dark, says the baby cuttlefish.

Go in bum first, say the others.

All right, says the baby cuttlefish.

He is about to, when Terence pulls the Nachoo out of the water.

Mapping Cuttlefish Style

Let's ask that big old one how to do mapping, says the baby cuttlefish.

A big old cuttlefish is drifting close by.

You ask him, say the other baby cuttlefish.

Okay, says the baby cuttlefish. 

He swims up to the big old one.

Go away, little squirt, says the big old cuttlefish.

I thought you'd have wisdom, says the baby cuttlefish.

I do, says the big old one.

Can I ask you a question? says the baby cuttlefish.

Only if I know the answer, says the big old one.

What if you don't know the answer, asks the baby cuttlefish.

Then you can't ask the question, says the big old one.

The question is about mapping, says the baby cuttlefish. Will you know the answer?

Mapping, yes, says the big old one. What do you want to know?

How to do it, says the baby cuttlefish. I had a chance to go mapping and I blew it. Now all my friends want to go mapping.

Do you even know what it is? asks the big old one.

Something you do in a Nachoo, says the baby cuttlefish. 

We cuttlefish don't need a Nachoo, says the big old one. You've been with an old sailor. 

Two lobsters, says the baby. 

Then they had no need of a Nachoo. says the big old one. I thought you must have been with some humans.

Humans too, says the baby cuttlefish.

Right, says the big old one. So forget all you know.

Okay, says the baby cuttlefish. Now what?

Mapping cuttlefish style, says the big old one. Pay attention.

He drifts off towards a nearby reef.

The baby cuttlefish supposes he should follow.

The big old one undulates past underwater rocks, nooks and crannies, and clutches of unhatched eggs.

Looking and looking.

After a few metres he stops.

That'll do, says the big old one. Did you get that?

All you did was look, says the baby cuttlefish.

It's all in my head, says the big old one. And it should be in yours.

Is that mapping? asks the baby cuttlefish.

Yes, says the big old one. Now go away. I need to enjoy what remains of my life.

The baby cuttlefish makes his way back to the other baby cuttlefish.

So what is it? ask the other baby cuttlefish.

I don't think he knew, says the baby cuttlefish.

The Dangerous End

The baby cuttlefish lands in the water, and starts swimming away.

You've lost it, says Ageless. After all that trouble.

It's going for a swim, says Terence.

Surely you don't think it will return, says Denis.

It might, says Terence. 

Maybe it didn't like the Nachoo, says Captain Baudin.

Why? asks Terence.

It jumped out straight away, says Ageless.

The rough edges, says Gaius. 

We should fix it, says Terence.

To what end? asks Gaius.

The dangerous end, says Terence.

They all look at the Nachoo which has a dangerous end.

Easy done, says Captain Baudin. Just press the jagged parts in with your finger.

Ooh! winces Denis.

Not you, Denis, says Gaius. You've already injured your finger.

I wasn't thinking of my finger, says Denis. I was thinking of being in the Nachoo with the jagged edges turned inward. It would seem like a prison.

Curl them over, says Terence.

This seems like a cuttlefish friendly solution, but how would they do it?

While they are thinking, the baby cuttlefish has swum further away.

 It has met up with some other baby cuttlefish.

Wee! say the other baby cuttlefish. Where have you been?

I have been in a Nachoo, says the baby cuttlefish.

What's a Nachoo? asks the other babies.

A round hole with jagged edges, says the baby cuttlefish. Shiny, outside and in.

Why were you in it? asks the other baby cuttlefish.

I was dropped in it, says the baby cuttlefish. I think it was because of my facial expression.

The other cuttlefish babies examine its facial expression.

Yes, they conclude. It may have been due to the facial expression.

It's good you escaped, say the other cuttlefish babies.

Not that good, says the baby cuttlefish. I was going to go mapping the coast of New Holland.

Wow! say the other cuttlefish babies. We would give anything to go mapping.

Would you? asks the baby cuttlefish. Maybe I made a dumb decision.

Let's go mapping, say the other cuttlefish babies. 

What is mapping? asks one of them.

But there is no baby cuttlefish that knows.

Da-dah And Oop-la!

Look at this! says Terence.

That's a serious can opener, says Denis.

It's a Pee-38 says Terence. 

P-38, says Captain Baudin. 

I said that, says Terence.

I thought you said Pee-38, says Captain Baudin.

I didn't, says Terence.

Never mind, says Gaius. The point is to use it.

Here's the Red Bull can, says Denis.

Where's my baby cuttlefish? asks Terence.

Here, says Ageless. 

Is it still spinning? asks Terence.

No, it's stopped, says Ageless. The egg box is collapsing.

Get it out! cries Terence.

Ageless tries to open the transparent door.

The top of the egg box comes away, exposing the baby.

Terence lifts out the baby cuttlefish.

It stares up at him.

You're getting a Nachoo, says Terence.

The baby cuttlefish sneezes.

Did you hear that? asks Gaius. 

What? asks Denis, who is trying to manoevre the P-38 round the can and avoid jagged edges.

Terence predicted the cuttlefish would sneeze, says Gaius. And it did sneeze.

Power of suggestion, says Denis. 

Still, says Gaius. It's not a bad effort.

The Nachoo is the name Terence chose for the Red Bull can, says Captain Baudin. Sorry to ruin your theory.

The Nachoo! says Gaius. Why that?

Isn't the term Nacho? asks Denis. Those corn chip things, smothered in salsa and cheese?

Why yes! says Gaius. Why did you choose that name, Terence?

Captain Baudin's ship was a Nachoo, says Terence.

The Naturaliste, says Captain Baudin. And it wasn't my vessel, mine was the other one.

What other one? asks Denis. Ouch! I'm bleeding! 

He has not been paying attention.

You need to give a P-38 your full attention, says Captain Baudin.

A band-aid, Denis? asks Gaius. I probably have one.

No thanks, I'll just suck it, says Denis. Can you finish the job?

He hands Gaius the Nachoo and the P-38. 

Gaius starts sawing, avoiding the jagged edges.

The Géographe, says Captain Baudin. That was the name of my vessel.

A fine name, says Denis. I assume you were mapping?

We were, says Captain Baudin. I led the expedition to map the coast of New Holland. 

Done! says Gaius, raising the can. 

Can the baby go in now? asks Terence.

First let me fill it with water, says Gaius.

He dips the can in the water and hands it to Terence.

Terence now has the Nachoo in one hand and the baby cuttlefish in the other.

Everyone is looking.

Da-dah! He drops the baby cuttlfish into the Nachoo.

Oop-la! It shoots straight back out again

Tattoo Sort

Terence and Captain Baudin are not back yet.

Ageless is minding the hatchling.

Gaius is looking for a pencil.

Denis takes out his phone.

This would be a good time to reply to Henriette's message.

He looks at the photo she sent him, of her feet with the cuttlefish tattoos on the soles.

He starts tapping:

News! The lobsters collected a number of cuttlefish eggs in a croissant packet, and then let them go, because they were hatching. Terence found his egg box. He is keeping one baby behind. The baby is revolving inside the egg box which is falling apart, but the plan is to transfer it to an empty Red Bull can, as soon as a can opener is found. I will send you a picture of the spinning baby. You might like to compare it to the tattoos on your feet. At first I believed they were words. But no, they were cephalopods! And well executed. I am sitting on a wet rock. What are you doing?

Writing to Henriette? asks Gaius.

Yes, says Denis. I hope I have struck the right tone.

Read it aloud, if you'd like a second opinion says Gaius. 

Denis reads it aloud.

The lobsters? says Ageless. 

You and Baudin are lobsters, says Denis. What's wrong with that title?

Proper names would have been more repectful, says Ageless.

What about the rest of it? asks Denis.

Was it wise to leave the comment about her tattoos to the end of your missive? asks Gaius.

I don't like to gush, says Denis. Our relationship is not of that kind.

Females like compliments, says Ageless.

And she has gone to a great deal of trouble, says Gaius. Getting tattoos can be painful.

Maybe they were just drawn on, says Denis. And have now been washed off. She didn't seem like a tattoo sort of person.

Then you are wise to make little of it, says Gaius.

That's what I thought, says Denis. So I'll send it.

What about the photo? asks Gaius.

Yes! Thanks for reminding me, says Denis.

He takes a photo of the spinning baby through the transparent door of the egg box.

It's a bit blurry, says Denis. 

I could stop it spinning, says Ageless.

How? asks Denis.

But that won't be necessary. 

Terence and Captain Baudin have arrived with the can opener.

Soon To Become The Nachoo

Denis finds the can of Red Bull.

He opens it with the ring pull and hands it to Terence.

Terence drinks it.

Buuurp! Now what? asks Terence.

Force your hatchling inside, says Ageless.

It won't fit through the hole, says Captain Baudin. But there's a can opener back at the light house.

Let's go and get it, says Terence.

D'accord, says Captain Baudin.  

I suppose you want us to look after your hatchling, says Gaius.

Terence looks into the egg box, where his purple baby cuttlefish is revolving while staring out through the transparent door.

Stop that! says Terence.

What's it doing? asks Gaius.

It's turning round and round in the egg box and staring, says Terence.

Then there's no time to lose, says Gaius. Off you go to find that can opener.

Captain Baudin and Terence climb up the rocks to the trail, and head for the lighthouse.

We should have brought the Titanic, says Terence.

To what are you referring? asks Captain Baudin.

The can, says Terence. It's going to be a Titanic.

That name presages bad luck, says Captain Baudin. May I suggest a better one?

What? asks Terence. 

La Fortuna for example, says Captain Baudin.

That's no good, says Terence.

Why so? asks Captain Baudin. 

It's not for a tuna, says Terence.

Ha ha, laughs Captain Baudin. 

What's another name? asks Terence.

I had two ships, says Captain Baudin. One was the Géographe and one was the Naturaliste. Do you like either of those?

I like the Nachoo, says Terence.

Then Nachoo it is, says Captain Baudin.

They have now reached the lighthouse. They go in.

Captain Baudin finds a can opener.

It's an old P-38, with a sharp cutting tooth. 

My trusty P-38, says Captain Baudin.

Can I carry it? asks Terence.

Certainement, says Captain Baudin. But take care not to pierce yourself.

I can't pierce myself, says Terence.

I suppose not, says Captain Baudin.

They start back down the trail to where the others are waiting, with the purple baby in the egg box. 

And the Red Bull can, soon to become the Nachoo.

Magic Word

It doesn't want me to do it, says Terence.

How do you know ? asks Ageless.

It's looking at me like it doesn't, says Terence.

Then it must want to die, says Ageless. 

It DOESN'T!, says Terence.

What's going on? asks Gaius.

Ageless kicked them all in the water, except this one and this one doesn't want to go in the water, says Terence.

I didn't kick them, I flicked them, says Ageless.

Gaius looks at the purple drying-out baby cuttlefish.

See? says Terence.

It needs water, says Gaius. 

But not big water, says Terence.

Put it back in the egg box, says Gaius. Then we'll dip it into the water.

Okay, says Terence.

He picks up the purple drying-out baby cuttlefish and places it back in the egg box.

Will you lower it in, Ageless? asks Gaius.

Carefully, says Terence.

 I'm always careful, says Ageless. He lowers the egg box into the water.

How will this work? asks Denis. The box will become soggy.

A temporary solution, says Gaius. 

The egg box fills with seawater,

The purple dried-out baby cuttlefish regains its shimmer.

Ageless lifts the egg box out of the water and places it on the rock beside Terence.

You're saved! says Terence.

 The purple less-dried-out baby cuttlefish stares at him with its usual imploring expression.

Now what? asks Terence.

It's still not happy, says Gaius.

Maybe it was born with that expression, says Ageless.

Captain Baudin comes over.

What do you think, Baudin? asks Gaius.

The others are starting to hatch, says Baudin. The croissant bag is splitting.

Then we must let them go, says Gaius. 

All that collecting for nothing, says Captain Baudin.

Nothing is ever for nothing, says Gaius. We have learnt a great deal today. 

Want me to take a  few photos? asks Denis, before they all swim away?

Wonderful, says Gaius. Good thinking Denis!

What about this one? asks Terence.

The egg box is already getting soggy.

You may keep this one, says Gaius. But you'll need a better container.

A Titanic, says Terence.

Where would we get a Titanic? says Gaius.

Did Terence ever drink his can of Red Bull? asks Roo-kai.

Of course! says Gaius. An empty can would be just the right size, and it wouldn't get soggy.

So where is it? asks Roo-kai.

It may be in my backpack, says Gaius.

It isn't, says Terence. I took everything out, remember?

Yes, and I put everything back in, says Gaius.

It may be back at the lighthouse, says Roo-kai.

Go and see, says Terence. 

Roo-kai waits for a please.

Luckily, as it happens. 

Because Denis has come across to show a series of photos to Gaius, and wondered at the silence.

Why is everyone so quiet?asks Denis.

Roo-kai is waiting for the magic word, says Gaius.

The magic word? asks Denis.

Gaius explains that Rookai is going to look for Terence's can of Red Bull, as soon as he hears it.

No need for the magic word, says Denis. 

The Red Bull's in my backpack.

Not The Titanic

Now how many have I got? asks Terence.

Five, says Gaius. Six less one.

That's more than I had to start with, says Terence.

It's one less, says Gaius.

So why did you say five six less one? asks Terence.

I was explaining the mathematical logic, says Gaius.

Yes, says Denis. And you confused him.

No I didn't, says Terence.

I think Denis meant I confused you, says Gaius.

Terence looks into his egg box at the remaining five eggs which are all now dark purple.

I'm letting them out, says Terence.

That's seems the best option, says Gaius. 

Terence starts taking the eggs out and placing them in a row on a rock near the water

Now the problem remains, what to do with the eggs that Captain Baudin has collected? says Gaius.

We could anchor the croissant packet here, and observe them, says Denis.

With what? asks Captain Baudin. They could float away en masse.

Like an underwater Titanic, says Denis.

An interesting thought, says Gaius.

What's a Titanic? asks Terence.

A big ship that hit an iceberg and sank, says Gaius.

Many passengers were drowned, says Denis, but of course that won't happen in this case.

True, says Gaius. All the passengers in the croissant packet are at home in the water.

The five purple ones on the rock are drying out because Terence has been listening to the Titanic story.

They are shrinking and losing their shine.

Only Ageless has noticed.

He flicks one into the water to see if it helps. 

Yes. The baby cuttlefish revives, and shimmies away in the water.

Ageless flicks another one in, and another and another.

Terence has noticed.

Only one dry purple baby is left on the rock now.

Before you say anything, says Ageless. I did it. 

I was going to do it, says Terence.

Do it to this one, says Ageless.

But there is something different about this one.

It is gazing at Terence with an imploring look in its eyes.

Which Terence takes to mean: Please don't do it!

Enough Interventions

Gaius comes back with the back pack, and Roo-kai.

NO ONE'S allowed to eat any more of these eggs! says Terence.

Who else has been eating them? asks Gaius.

Ageless had one, says Denis.

It was expiring, says Ageless. 

It wasn't, says Terence. I was going to give it some water.

It's expired now, says Denis, but there are plenty more where it came from.

Thanks to me, says Captain Baudin. And I'd like that to go on the record.

It will be in my notes, when I make them, says Gaius.

So what happens next? asks Denis. 

We decide where to keep the cuttlefish eggs, until they hatch, says Gaius. 

The croissant bag is jam-packed, says Captain Baudin.

Lucky I took some out, says Terence.

Lucky someone ate one, says Ageless.

And someone ate two, says Roo-kai.

So you've taken some out, Terence? says Gaius. How many are in your egg box?

I'll count them, says Terence.

He looks in through the transparent door, and appears to be counting

Let me count them, says Gaius.

He also looks in through the transparent door.

These cuttlefish eggs are pulsating, says Gaius. 

That sounds bad, says Denis.

 It may be a sign that hatching is imminent, says Gaius. 

Yay! says Terence.

There are six, says Gaius. And the biggest one is turning dark purple in patches.

Six, says Terence. Correct. Which one is purple?

That one, says Gaius. I suggest we take it out of the egg box and place it in the water.

It might swim away, says Denis. Then what will have been the point of our actions?

We will have gained information, says Gaius.

But we won't have protected it from the toxic algae, says Denis.

The purple egg now looks more like a baby cuttlefish than an egg.

It does not look happy in the egg box.

I'm taking it out, says Terence.

He opens the door and picks it out with his fingers.

The baby cuttlefish gasps and wriggles. 

Terence drops it on a rock near the water.

It shivers, shimmers, rolls over and flops into the water.

It starts swimming away.

Want me to recapture it? asks Ageless.

I think we've done enough interventions, says Gaius.

Eet-en-ee-ten

At least keep it out of the sun, says Denis.

Terence moves the egg box into Denis's shadow.

Don't worry, eggs, says Terence. You won't dry out straight away.

Do you think they're listening? asks Denis.

Yes, says Terence. If I was an egg I'd be listening.

What with? asks Denis.

My egg ears, says Terence.

Ha ha, laughs Denis. Egg ears. Where are they, on an egg?

Inside, says Terence. Where everything else is.

Keep talking, says Denis. 

Terence keeps talking to the eggs in the egg box. He tells them about his original idea for an egg box where each egg had its own little cabin.

The eggs are listening, with their egg ears, but their egg brains don't get what they're hearing. What is a cabin?

Perhaps it's best they don't know what it is they're not getting.

Denis gets his phone out to reply to Henriette, regarding her tattooed feet photo..

But now Ageless clambers out of the water, followed by Captain Baudin.

Did Roo-kai deliver the cuttlefish eggs? asks Captain Baudin.

Yes, and he's eaten two of them, says Denis.

He says they taste like jelly, says Terence.

The egg ears are still listening. Jelly? What's jelly?

I found my egg box, says Terence.

Ageless picks up the egg box and looks in through the transparent door.

These ones are going to dry out, says Ageless. 

They won't, says Terence. I'm going to give them some water.

When? asks Ageless. Look at this one, already expiring.

He opens the door, picks out a cuttlefish egg and waves it around.

Wet it, says Terence.

Agelss lowers himself into the water, with the egg in his claw.

He disappears for a moment or two, and comes back up without it.

Roo-kai is right, says Ageless. They do taste like jelly.

Wah! says Terence. Another one got eaten.

The egg ears in the egg box like the sound of the word EETEN.

Eet-en-ee-ten

But only because they can't yet make connections.

Mercy Of The Elements

My egg box is ruined, says Terence.

You could probably resurrect it, says Roo-kai. Try squeezing the sides.

Okay, says Terence. 

Before you do that, says Roo-kai, you'd better put all Gaius's stuff back.

Can you do it? asks Terence.

I told you I'm not touching anything, says Roo-kai.

But it would be a good deed, says Terence.

For you, says Roo-kai. Gaius wouldn't notice the difference.

He would if he knew I found the egg box, says Terence. Go and tell him.

No, says Roo-kai. You go and tell him. 

Okay, says Terence. You stay here and mind all his stuff.

Okay, says Roo-kai. 

Terence heads across to where Denis and Gaius are contemplating the croissant packet with the cuttlefish eggs inside.

Where shall we put them? asks Denis.

Gaius has been asking himself the same question.

Perhaps we should wait for Ageless and Captain Baudin to come back, says Gaius. They may have a suggestion.

Guess what! says Terence.

You found it! says Gaius. Well done. 

But it's ruined, says Terence. 

In what way? asks Gaius.

It's flat, says Terence. So there's no room inside.

Did you try squeezing the sides? asks Denis.

Not yet, says Terence. Roo-kai said I should put all Gaius's things back in his backpack so I asked him to but he wouldn't.

Curses! says Gaius. That means all my things are strewn over the rocks at the mercy of the elements.

He stands up and heads towards his backpack, and Roo-kai.

Give me the egg box, says Denis.

 I left it back there with Roo-kai, says Terence.

Well, go and get it, says Denis. 

Terence goes back to get it.

Gaius is stuffing underwear and outerwear into his backpack.

Roo-kai is watching.

The egg box lies nearby on a rock, looking flat.

Terence picks up the egg box and takes it back to Denis.

This looks fixable, says Denis. Shall I squeeze it?

Yes, says Terence.

Denis squeezes the sides of the egg box until it is again three dimensional.

Yay! says Terence. Now I can put the eggs in. Where are they?

Here, says Denis. But I think you should wait...

Terence does not want to wait. He has waited already.

He opens the hinged door of his egg box.

He takes a handful of cuttlefish eggs from the croissant packet and drops them inside.

He closes the hinged door.

They'll dry out without water, says Denis.

So let's pour some in, says Terence.

The box is made of cardboard, says Denis. It'll go soggy, and the cuttlefish eggs aren't due to hatch till November.

But Terence is used to things turning out all right.

So he is not worried.

Allowed Jelly

Roo-kai! says Gaius. I'm surprised at you!

Nature is profligate, says Roo-kai.

Not in the case of endangered species, says Gaius.

Then I apologise, says Roo-kai.

I encouraged him, says Denis. I apologise too.

Don't be ridiculous, says Gaius. I don't require your apologies. Let's move forward.

Where is Terence? asks Roo-kai. Did he find the egg box?

He was going through my backpack, says Gaius. 

And where is that? asks Roo-kai.

I brought it down to the rocks with me, says Gaius. It's just over there.

Roo-kai goes over to the backpack.

Terence is rummaging through it.

Have you found it? asks Roo-kai.

No! says Terence. Did you fix what Gaius asked you?

I wasn't meant to fix it, says Roo-kai. But I found the empty croissant packet, full of holes.

My egg box has a hole, says Terence. If you're so good, help me find it.

I'm not touching anything while I'm in the bad books, says Roo-kai.

Why are you? asks Terence.

 I ate two of the cuttlefish eggs, says Roo-kai.

Woo! says Terence. Did they fall out of the holes?

No, says Roo-kai. They were in Captain Baudin's packet. It didn't have holes

There must have been one hole, says Terence.

That's an opening, says Roo-kai. It's not the same as a hole.

What did they taste like? asks Terence.

Fishy, says Roo-kai. Soft like jelly.

I'm allowed to have jelly, says Terence.

Keep looking for the egg box, says Roo-kai.

Terence has pulled out all Gaius's spare socks and underpants, one spare tee-shirt and a jumper.

He feels around in the bottom of the backpack.

Several pencils, an apple core, a receipt....

AND the egg box!

Is that it? asks Roo-kai. It looks like a flat muffin box with a window.

That's a door, says Terence. Leonardo made it. 

So what happens? asks Roo-kai. You push the eggs in though the door. Then what?

They can't get out, says Terence. 

They can't do anything, says Roo-kai.

It's not supposed to be flat, says Terence.

He imagines the cuttlefish eggs being pushed though the door.

Finding they can't move.

Being disappointed.

Mm...Fishy

Proof positive, says Ageless, to the giant cuttlefish.

He swishes the recovered croissant packet back and forth, in the water.

She's in a bad way, says the giant cuttlefish.

It's my croissant packet, says Ageless. 

What's coming out of the holes? asks the giant cuttlefish.

Nothing, says Ageless. 

Look again, says the giant cuttlefish. I know spermatophores when I see them.

And indeed little clumps of spermatophores are trailing around in the water.

It was assaulted, says Ageless. 

The giant cuttlefish is beginning to understand what must have happened.

Anyone can make a mistake, says the giant cuttlefish. You have to admit these croissant females are beauties.

Ageless decides to leave it at that. 

It's not for him to be judgemental.

The giant cuttlefish drifts away.

Ageless swims across to Captain Baudin.

Captain Baudin has filled his croissant packet with cuttlefish eggs.

Enough? asks Captain Baudin. I can't fit many more in.

Enough, says Ageless.

Then let's go, says Captain Baudin. 

He shoots up to the surface.

Ageless follows.

Roo-kai is floating nearby.

All done? asks Roo-kai. 

All done, says Ageless. Thanks for finding my croissant packet. 

Useless as it is, says Roo-kai.

It did come in useful, says Ageless. A giant cuttlefish was asking me questions.

What questions? asks Roo-kai.

About what was coming out of the holes, says Ageless. 

Which was? asks Roo-kai.

Spermatophores, says Ageless. 

And you knew that? asks Roo-kai.

No, he knew that, says Ageless.

So it was a rhetorical question, says Roo-kai.

I suppose so, says Ageless.

Let's get moving, says Captain Baudin. These eggs are beginning to drag on my claws.

Want me to take them? asks Roo-kai.

If you would, says Captain Baudin.

Roo-kai takes the croissant packet from Captain Baudin, rises and flies back to shore.

He lands on a rock beside Gaius and Denis.

Mission accomplished, says Roo-kai.

Jumping Jupiter! says Gaius. What a haul! 

What are we going to do with them? asks Denis.

Protect them, until they hatch in early November, says Gaius.

They look like little cocktail onions, says Denis.

They do look tasty, says Roo-kai. I might try one.

Go on, says Denis.

Before Gaius can protest, Roo-kai eats one of the eggs.

Mm...fishy! And he is hungry. 

He helps himself to another.

Crime Against Nature

Captain Baudin has begun inserting cuttlefish eggs into the open croissant packet.

Ageless stands by.

The giant cuttlefish, who has been observing, moves closer.

This is unacceptable, says the giant cuttlefish.

I thought you might think so, says Ageless. But it's not what it seems.

Are you saying my eyes deceive me? asks the giant cuttlefish.

What are you seeing? asks Ageless.

One of our females being abused, says the giant cuttlefish.

That is where your eyes deceive you, says Ageless. It's not a female cuttlefish but a croissant packet. I have one as well.

Where is it? asks the giant cuttlefish.

I left it behind, due to a difficulty, says Ageless.

So there's no proof it existed, says the giant cuttlefish.

I thought you lived for today, says Ageless.

It is today, says the giant cuttlefish.

True, says Ageless. But look at the outside of your so-called female. What do you see?

She is transparent, says the giant cuttlefish. I see her insides filling up with eggs which she has already expelled. It's clearly a crime against nature.

I meant the words on her side, says Ageless. Butter Croissants Bake At Home.

I know nothing of writing, says the giant cuttlefish.

Ageless wonders how best to proceed if the giant cuttlefish knows nothing of writing.

But perhaps they are not all so ignorant.

He gestures to a second giant cuttlefish.

Come here!

The second giant cuttlefish drifts upwards.

It's not looking at Ageless at all.

It's looking at something on the surface.

Two orange legs paddling, and one of those transparent females, trailing behind them.

Ageless looks up, and sees the legs of Roo-kai.

And the ditched croissant packet.

Leave it to Lobster Guy, says Ageless.

He shoots up to the surface.

I've been looking for you, says Roo-kai. 

I need that croissant packet, says Ageless.

Then you should have taken more care of it, says Roo-kai. It's full of holes now. 

Holes? says Ageless What happened?

It has been accosted by numerous male cuttlefish, says Roo-kai. 

Never mind, says Ageless. Let me have it.

Roo-kai lets him have it.

Ageless drags it down......

Future What Future?

Ageless has caught up with Captain Baudin at the reef.

The reef is dotted with white cuttlefish eggs in their thousands.

A few giant cuttlefish are swimming around.

Spoilt for choice, says Captain Baudin. What kept you?

Croissant packet held me back, says Ageless. So I ditched it.

Untie mine for me, says Captain Baudin, extending his dominant claw.

Ageless unties it.

Captain Baudin holds it open.

It soon fills with water.

The giant cuttlefish become aware of it now.

They float nearer.

I've just remembered something, says Ageless.

What is it? asks Captain Baudin.

I'm supposed to obtain their permission, says Ageless.

Go on then, says Captain Baudin.

Ageless addresses the nearest giant cuttlefish.

Allow me to introduce myself, says Ageless. I'm Lobster Guy, here on a mission.

Bloop, says the giant cuttlefish.

No need for that, says Ageless. I suppose you've heard of the toxic algal bloom?

Who hasn't? says the giant cuttlefish. I suppose you've heard it's not present in these waters.

That doesn't mean it won't be, in the future, says Ageless.

Future what future? says the giant cuttlefish. We live for today.

Yes I forgot about your situation, says Ageless. So you won't mind if we take a few eggs.

Go for it, says the giant cuttlefish. They're useless anyway. Although they do look quite festive.

They do, says Ageless. 

Who's your friend? asks the giant cuttlefish.

Captain Baudin, says Ageless. Lighthouse keeper.

Not him, says the giant cuttlefish. The beautiful one that he's holding open in that inviting manner.

What is he talking about? wonders Ageless.

Baudin is holding open the croissant packet, ready to put a few eggs in it, once permission is granted.

Aha! Now Ageless gets it.

The giant cuttlefish thinks the croissant packet is a lady.

But what will he think when Baudin starts to fill her with eggs?

I Foresee A Bad End

How has this happened?

The croissant packet floating around on its own?

Not even on its own, but with a cohort of sepia apama?

At least we know who has lost it.

Ageless and Captain Baudin have been swimming towards a promising reef.

Each with an empty croissant packet.

Captain Baudin's croissant packet is tied round his dominant claw.

Awkward, but not impossible.

Ageless's croissant packet is trailing behind him, wedged into a joint in his tail.

It's holding him back. 

He decides to ditch it.

Not in a careless way. He will pick it up later.

Captain Baudin will collect the eggs and the glory, but hey. 

Ageless swims on.

The croissant packet drifts up and down in the water, catching the light.

A giant cuttlefish, looking for another giant cuttlefish to mate with, approaches the croissant packet.

Hello lovely!

The croissant packet makes no response, but flashes and undulates in a cuttlefish-like fashion.

Laid any eggs yet?

No answer.

Shy type, are we? I know a place....

The giant cuttlefish is persuasive, and furthermore is creating a current.

The croissant packet follows the giant cuttlefish for a while, before dipping out.

It drops behind, but is soon noticed by other giant cuttlefish who have not yet mated.

Which explains what Roo-kai saw when retrieving the sea captain's hat.

Yay! says Terence, when Roo-kai lands on the rock beside Gaius.

I'll take care of the hat, says Gaius. 

It's wet, says Roo-kai.

I'll let it dry out on this rock in the sunshine says Gaius. 

Did you happen to see our two volunteers? asks Denis.

No, says Roo-kai, but I did see a weird thing.  

What? asks Terence.

At first I thought it was a giant cuttlefish says Roo-kai, but it had writing down one side.

That is unusual, says Gaius. Although cuttlefish are excellent mimics.

Surely not to the extent that they mimic writing, says Denis.

Ordinarily no, says Gaius. What did it say?

Butter Croissants Bake at Home, says Roo-kai. 

This is bad news, says Gaius. One of our team must have lost it.

It seemed quite at home with the cuttlefish, says Roo-kai. I think they've adopted it.

I foresee a bad end, says Gaius. I wonder if you'd mind going back out there.

And do what? asks Roo-kai.

Locate Ageless and Captain Baudin, find out what happened and get them to fix it, says Gaius.

Okay, says Roo-kai. 

He flies off over the water.

Lucky I dropped the captain's hat in the water, says Terence.

Very lucky indeed, agrees Gaius. 

Wark!

Don't do it, says Gaius.

I'm not about to dive in, says Denis. 

Good, says Gaius. 

It's not good, says Terence. How will I get the hat back?

It may float back to shore on a wave, says Gaius.

It doesn't look like it will, says Terence. It's getting smaller.

Captain Baudin may chance to look up as he's swimming, says Denis. 

And see his hat floating above him, says Gaius.

And retrieve it, says Denis.

Then what? asks Terence.

Put it on, says Denis.

Then what? asks Terence.

 He imagines the worst:

Captain Baudin swims back to the rocks with his sea captain's hat on. How did my hat get into the water? asks Captain Baudin. Terence dropped it, says Denis. I thought so. Will someone else take it, NOT Terence, says Captain Baudin. So Gaius takes it. Right, says Captain Baudin. Back to work. I've now lost contact with Ageless. What a BOTHER!

Luckily none of this happens.

Roo-kai is approaching.

Floof! He lands on a rock beside Terence.

I didn't see you at the campground last night, says Roo-kai.

We stayed the night in the lighthouse, says Gaius. With Captain Baudin. He and Ageless are diving in these waters, while we wait on the shore.

Silly question, says Roo-kai, but was Captain Baudin wearing a sea captain's hat when he entered the water?

No! says Terence. He left it with me to look after. And....

Say no more, says Roo-kai. I know where it is. I passed it on my way here.

Yay! says Terence. Go and get it.

I would be more inclined to go and get it for a polite person, says Roo-kai.

Well said, says Gaius.

 

Roo-kai flies off to retrieve the lost hat and return it to Gaius.

He flies to the spot where the hat is.

He lands on the water beside it.

Below, in the clear waters, he sees shoals of giant cuttlefish undulating and glinting. 

Aware of only themselves.

There goes a weird one. Undulating, glinting, transparent, with words on one side:

All Butter Croissants Bake At Home.

Wark! Modern times!

Don't Lean Forward

They go out of the lighthouse. 

Captain Baudin locks the door.

Then he unlocks it.

He's forgotten the basket.

Inside, he looks around for a suitable basket.

One with a lid.

One that will not be ruined through use underwater.

But he all can find are two empty croissant packets.

Time is wasting.

They'll have to do.

He emerges from the lighthouse with the empty croissant packets.

Couldn't find a basket, says Captain Baudin. Mais tant pis! These empty packets will do. 

I can't find my egg box, says Terence.

Then what am I supposed to use? asks Ageless. 

One of Captain Baudin's empty packets, says Gaius.

Fine, says Ageless. But they're not as secure as an egg box.

I'll keep looking, says Terence.

Are we ready? asks Captain Baudin.

We are, says Gaius. Where's the best spot to begin?

Just down there, says Captain Baudin. Ageless and I will dive in from the rocks while you and Denis wait for our recommendations.

And I'll look for the egg box, says Terence.

It won't be down there, says Gaius.

It might be in your backpack, says Terence.

So it might, says Gaius. That's something to do while were waiting.

They make their way down to the water, with the backpacks, leaving the two bikes at the top.

Captain Baudin looks at Ageless.

You might want to take off your sunglasses, says Captain Baudin.

And you might want to take off your sea captain's hat, says Ageless.

I'll look after them, says Terence. 

So Ageless and Captain Baudin dive into the Upper Spencer Gulf waters together, with nothing to distinguish between them.

Terence puts on the sea captain's hat.

And the sunnies.

He leans forward, hoping to see himself in a rock pool.

Don't lean out over the water, says Denis.

But I can't see myself, says Terence.

I'll take a photo, says Gaius.

He takes a photo of Terence in his outfit.

Denis takes one too.

He'll send it to Henriette. She will like it.

What do I look like? asks Terence.

Have a look, says Gaius, showing him the photo.

I can't see anything, says Terence.

Take off the sunglasses, says Gaius.

Terence pushes the sunglasses up. And knocks the captain's hat off, onto a rock, near the edge of the water.

A gust of wind blows it into the sea, and the hat floats way.

Now I'm in trouble, says Terence 

I'll get it, says Denis.

He leans forward.

Who Dies Unknowingly?

I suppose you'll soon be going, says Captain Baudin.

Yes, says Gaius. Thanks for your generous hospitality.

It's always pleasant to have company, says Captain Baudin.

Your torch died, says Terence.

Even so, says Captain Baudin. 

And I haven't replaced all the hooks in your curtains, says Denis. 

Never mind, says Captain Baudin. They could do with a wash.

Do you ever use them? asks Denis.

No, says Captain Baudin. Nothing to hook them to.

Let's get going! says Terence.

I'll just go upstairs and get my backpack, says Gaius.

Could you bring mine as well? asks Denis. 

And the curtains? asks Captain Baudin.

All right, says Gaius.

He goes up the stairs.

Captain Baudin turns to Ageless.

Bon chance with the negotiations, says Captain Baudin.

Best case scenario, the parents will have have died, says Ageless.

Unknowingly, says Captain Baudin. 

Who dies unknowingly? says Denis.

I'm just putting myself in their shoes, says Captain Baudin.

Do they wear shoes? asks Terence.

Figuratively, says Captain Baudin. 

Cuttlefish shoes, says Terence. 

Don't they only have arms? says Denis. 

An irrelevance, says Captain Baudin. All I'm saying is that the best case scenario should involve the parents being aware of what's happening.

Why don't you dive with me? asks Ageless. Seeing you have these fixed opinions.

I will, says Captain Baudin. The lighthouse can look after itself. What's to prevent me?

Nothing, says Ageless. Bring your own basket. 

Gaius comes down the steps with two backpacks and the curtains.

Alors! says Captain Baudin. I shan't be washing those curtains just yet. 

He's coming with us! says Terence. 

Wonderful, says Gaius. That means we have two egg collectors. Not to mention Captain Baudin's local knowledge.

Should I bring a basket with a lid? asks Captain Baudin.

I've got an egg box, says Terence.

So he has. Or did have. 

Somewhere.

 

Dry Is Not An Adequate Decription

Ah Ageless, says Gaius. Denis and I have something to ask you.

I need a drink first, mutters Ageless.

That probably answers my question, says Denis.

Water? asks Captain Baudin.

Ageless nods.

Baudin pours Ageless a glass of water.

Ageless drinks the water, which tastes faintly of salt.

That's better, says Ageless. Now what was the question? 

How do moths taste? says Denis. I imagine quite dry.

Worst night-time snack ever, says  Ageless. Dry is not an adequate description.

If they came out of the curtains, no wonder, says Captain Baudin. They'll have been trapped in the box quite some time.

Eating nothing but curtains, muses Denis.

Last time I eat moths, says Ageless. Do I smell croissants?

You do, says Captain Baudin. Help yourself.

Ageless takes a croissant. 

Now for my question, says Gaius. 

Go ahead, says Ageless. 

It's more a request, says Gaius. Denis and I have been discussing the ethics of cuttlfish egg removal.

Ho! says Ageless. 

What do you mean Ho! asks Gaius.

Better late than never, says Ageless. So now you don't want me to do it?

We do, but we think you should obtain permission, says Gaius.

I'll get permission, says Ageless. I have a way with the ladies. 

All very well, says Captain Baudin. But what if the ladies have died?

Good point, says Gaius. Parent cuttlefish die soon after their eggs have been laid, and never see their offspring.

I'll explain it all to them, says Ageless, reaching for a second croissant. 

Wait, says Denis. Doesn't this bring up another ethical dilemma?

No one else seems to want it, says Ageless.

I'm not talking about the croissant, says Denis. What if the cuttlefish are unaware of the whole situation?

The female I met did seem rather carefree, says Ageless.

But was that because she didn't know or because she did know? asks Denis.

Trust me, says Ageless. I'm used to such situations.

Gaius does not like the sound of this. 

But what can he do?

Ageless is the only one currently allowed in the water.

W-Shaped Eyes

I smell something, says Denis. 

Maybe Captain Baudin's cooking breakfast, says Gaius.

Let's go down and see, says Denis.

They go down the stairs to ground level.

Terence is there already.

Guess what? says Terence. Ageless ate all the moths!

That won't have harmed him, says Gaius. 

Pity the moths, says Captain Baudin. I wonder how they got inside?

I can explain that, says Denis. I opened the box in my room, and they flew out of the curtains.

Curtains? says Captain Baudin. What curtains?

There were curtains in the box, says Denis. 

Oh, those curtains, says Captain Baudin. Was it just moths that flew out of them?

I believe so, says Denis. By the way, am I right that you're cooking croissants?

 I am, says Captain Baudin. A special breakfast for my esteemed guests.

Except me, says Terence.

Why don't you go upstairs and fetch Ageless, says Gaius. I have something to ask him.

So do I, says Denis.

The feet photo? says Gaius. Indeed, Ageless may help you decipher the message.

Not that, says Denis, I was going to ask him how moths taste.

Apologies, says Gaius.

A foot photo? says Captain Baudin. With a message?

It's private, says Denis.

All too private, says Gaius.

I could offer my services, says Captain Baudin. I have sharp eyes and am always discreet.

Denis relents, and shows him the photo.

Exquisite tattoos, says Captain Baudin. Are these your lady friend's feet?

I assume so, says Denis. 

Tattoos, depicting cuttlefish, says Captain Baudin. See the W-shaped eyes, the eight arms and two tentacles and the frills at edges?

Gaius peers over his shoulder

So they are! says Gaius. And there was me thinking it said TICKLE ME.

You didn't say so, says Denis.

I didn't like to, says Gaius. In case I was wrong.

An easy mistake, laughs Captain Baudin. How amusing!

Are those croissants ready? asks Denis.

Yes, they are. 

The embarrassing situation is forgotten.

Baudin offers Gaius and Denis warm croissants for their breakfast.

Delicious!

Ageless comes down the stairs, moth wings attached to his mandibles.

What Feet Were Doing

Morning at last.

Gaius is the first to wake up.

He rolls away from the circular wall and stretches.

Ah! That's better! Why didn't he sleep in the middle? 

He stands up and goes down the stairs.

Denis is asleep, wrapped in curtains.

Curtain hooks in a heap on the floor.

Gaius pushes Denis's shoulder, with his foot.

Denis, who has been dreaming of Henriette's feet, awakens.

Curtains, says Gaius. No doubt they kept you warm?

I slept like a caterpillar, says Denis. That is to say, rather too snug for my liking.

I doubt that a caterpillar feels too snug, says Gaius.

You're probably right, says Denis. Mind the hooks on the floor.

Are they from the curtains? asks Gaius.

I had to take them out, says Denis. Terence came down and helped me.

Good for him, says Gaius. Where is he now?

Probably up at the top of the lighthouse, says Denis. With the moths.

It seems I've missed some excitement, says Gaius. Want some help with replacing the hooks?

Thanks, says Denis.

Gaius grabs a handful of hooks.

I trust you slept well, says Denis.

I chose a foolish position, says Gaius. I now have back twinges. How about you?

Dreamed about feet, says Denis.

Were your feet sticking out of the curtain? asks Gaius. Perhaps they were cold?

No, says Denis. I received an email from Henriette. With a photo which I want to show you.

He shows Gaius the photo.

Feet, says Gaius. I assume they are hers. And there is something on the soles, very blurry.

Yes, says Denis. I can't make it out, and I can't very well  reply if I haven't.

Have you tried enlarging the photo with your fingers? asks Gaius. 

Of course I have, says Denis.

Gaius has a brainwave.

There may be a clue in your dream, says Gaius.  Something lodged in your subconscious.

There was nothing inscribed on the dream feet, says Denis.

Pity, says Gaius. What were they doing?

Nothing, says Denis. I was tickling them softly.

Gaius thinks this may mean that the message on the feet in the photo is TICKLE ME.

But he doesn't like to suggest it.

In case it is not.

Hopeful Under The Moon

Denis stares at the photo of the soles of Henriette's feet.

Is this part of her skydiving fantasy?

It would help if the words were not blurry.

He enlarges the photo, with his fingers.

But the blurring gets blurrier.

He makes her feet small again.

Nice feet she has, at least from this angle.

Well, he can't reply now. In the morning he'll ask Gaius's opinion.

He gets down from the box and lies on the floor boards.

What time is it?

He should have a blanket.

Captain Baudin said no blankets, but that box might contain something. 

He stands up. Opens the box. Inside are some curtains.

Who would need curtains in a lighthouse?

Ne fait rien. He will use the curtains. 

He lifts out the curtains. A few moths fly out, and flutter up the staircase.

He wraps himslf in the curtains and lies down again on the floor.

It's fine until he tries rolling over.

A row of curtain hooks jags his left side.

Curses. He unwinds himself from the curtains.

He supposes he will have to remove the curtain hooks, if he wants to sleep wrapped in the curtains.

Each curtain hook is hooked though a perforated tape, with a drawstring through the top and the bottom.

The hooks have gone rusty, and don't come out easily.

This might take all night.

Should he wake Gaius?

He hears footsteps.

Perhaps Gaius is coming downstairs, for a glass of water.

But no, it's Terence.

Terence, says Denis, will you help me get these hooks out of these curtains?

Okay, says Terence. Guess what? Ageless is asleep with his eyes open.

Is he? says Denis.

And my torch died, says Terence.

It wasn't your torch, says Denis.

So I had to stop flashing my message, says Terence.

That would have pleased Ageless, says Denis.

Why? asks Terence.

If his eyes were open, says Denis.

Terence wiggles a curtain  hook.

And there were moths on the window, says Terence.

They came out of these curtains, says Denis. 

They must not have liked the hooks, says Terence.

It's me who doesn't like them, says Denis. 

He grasps a hook and tries to extract it.

So far not one has come out.

Upstairs, Gaius is dreaming he has been forced to sleep in a barrel.

Above him, Ageless is asleep with his eyes open.

While the moths on the window gaze hopefully at the moon.

No Eyelids

 Did he actually say that? asks Ageless.

Yes, says Terence.

Suggesting we'd be better off with no sea? asks Ageless.

He just doesn't know what it's for, says Terence.

What was said immediately before that? asks Ageless.

SOS, says Terence. No wait, SOC!

Now we're getting somewhere, says Ageless. What was the C for?

Now you're doing it, says Terence.

You have confused C with sea, says Ageless. They are two different things.

Sea and sea are the same things, says Terence.

But regarding SOC, says Ageless. What is its meaning?

Save Our Cuttlefish, says Terence.

I see, says Ageless, suppressing a laugh. 

What's so funny? asks Terence.

I said I see, says Ageless. 

You should go to sleep now, says Terence. 

So should you, says Ageless.

I don't sleep, says Terence. I can't close my eyes, can I?

Watch me, says Ageless.

He lies on his back.

I'm sleeping, says Ageless.

Your eyes are open, says Terence.

No eyelids, says Ageless.

Terence is impressed. Ageless is asleep with no eyelids. 

He makes a rude face, to test Ageless.

Ageless doesn't react.

Terence can do what he likes now.

He flashes the torch on and off through the lighthouse window.

SOC SOC SOC 

Or so he imagines.

One floor below, Gaius has woken, due to discomfort, and noticed a rhythmical flashing.

That will be Terence. He should go up the stairs and tell him to stop.

But the flashes are faint.

The torch battery is fading.

He goes back to sleep.

One floor below, Denis is reading a reply from Henriette.

Attached is a photo of the soles of her feet.

There is something written on each of them in very small writing.

What does it say?

Levels Of Discomfort

Time to turn in, says Gaius. Big day tomorrow.

I'll show you your sleeping quarters, says Captain Baudin.

What about me? asks Terence. Do I have a quarters?

Up top with Ageless, says Captain Baudin.

Yippee! says Terence. I'm going up NOW!

He runs up the staircase again, to tell Ageless.

Captain Baudin looks at Gaius and Denis.

He indicates the staircase.

You two can share the next room up, or one of you can go higher, says Captain Baudin. First one is larger, of course. 

You have it, Denis, says Gaius. I'll go one higher.

Very kind, says Denis.

They follow Captain Baudin up the stairs.

The next room is empty, but for a box, opposite the window.

Very spartan, as you see, says Captain Baudin, but no doubt you'll be used to it.

I am not used to it, says Denis. Are there blankets in the box?

No, says Captain Baudin. But do try and make yourself comfy.

Thank you, says Denis.

Captain Baudin and Gaius proceed up the stairs.

The next room is like the one below but smaller in circumference.

And there is no box opposite the window.

Unlike Denis, I'm used to sleeping in spartan conditions, says Gaius.

Excellent, says Captain Baudin. I thought you would be. Well, I'll leave you to it.

Where do you sleep? asks Gaius.

Ground level, says Captain Baudin.

He goes back down the stairs.

Sets up a hammock and gets into it.

Sniffs.

Something (the table, the cloth?) still smells of sardines.

Denis, one room up, is sitting on the box, composing an email to Henriette.

We had sardines for supper followed by apples soaked in sardine oil, not the best combination, now I am in this tiny room in the lighthouse with only a box. I will send you a picture. I don't expect to be comfy. If I can't sleep I'll lie awake thinking up skydiving fantasies, you know why.

He takes a photo of his tiny room with his feet in the foreground, attaches it, and presses send.

One floor up, Gaius is lying against the curved wall. 

He is trying to convince himself it's a foetal position, and therefore quite natural.

He has not got far.

Up top, Terence is telling Ageless that Gaius doesn't know what the sea is for.

Ageless wonders if he should try to unravel this anomaly.

What The Sea Is For

Thud thud thud...

I think I hear Terence returning, says Gaius.

Terence appears on the staircase.

Guess what?

What? asks Baudin. Did you see something out there?

YES! says Terence. Dangerous rocks!

Good, says Baudin. That's where they should be.

Can I do a warning? asks Terence.

No need for a warning, says Captain Baudin.

SOS, says Terence. 

That's not a warning, says Baudin.

'Look out for dangerous rocks' would be a warning, says Denis.

'Dangerous rocks' would be shorter, says Gaius.

SOS would be even shorter, says Denis. But unsuitable in the circumstances.

Why? asks Terence.

It means Save Our Souls, says Captain Baudin. S for Save, O for Our, and S for Souls.

Ha ha! laughs Terence. You made a mistake.

No, he didn't, says Gaius.

What mistake do you think I made? asks Captain Baudin.

You says S for two different things, says Terence.

Nothing wrong with that, says Denis. S is for many things. Sardines for example.

That reminds me, says Captain Baudin. This table needs wiping.

He goes to the sink to look for a cloth.

Comes back with a wet one.

He wipes the table. Sardine oil soaks into the cloth.

Save Our Sardines, says Terence. But you ate them.

Oh dear, says Denis. So we did. Too late to save them.

Bur Terence now has an idea.

Save Our Cuttlefish! says Terence.

SOC, says Denis. A relevant message for today.

No one would know what the C was for, says Gaius.

Terence thinks Gaius is funny.

Everyone knows what the sea is for.

Annoyed With Himself

Terence is in the lead, with the torch.

Hold it steady, says Ageless.

Can't, says Terence. Unless I stop moving.

He stops. 

Why are you stopping? asks Ageless.

There's a window, says Terence.

He shines the torch at the window.

This is the second window, says Ageless. Three more to go to the top.

Okay, says Terence.

He keeps climbing.

Ageless follows.

The torchlight flickers on the curved walls. 

The circumference shortens.

Third window, says Ageless.

This is a very tall lighthouse, says Terence.

So sailors can see it, says Ageless.

From the sea, says Terence.

Yes, from the sea, says Ageless. 

Can the cuttlefish see it? asks Terence.

If they bother to look up, says Ageless.

Why would the sailors look up and not the cuttlefish? asks Terence.

Fourth window.

Think about it, says Ageless.

Terence thinks about it.

Sailors look ACROSS, says Terence. 

Across and up, says Ageless. To see the lighthouse. So they know where not to go.

Which is where? asks Terence. 

Onto the rocks below the lighthouse, says Ageless. And be shipwrecked.

Someone should tell the cuttlefish, says Terence.

They already know, says Ageless.

Fifth window. 

A big one, in a small round room with a decommissioned light in the centre.

Terence flashes his torch at the window.

Turn it off, says Ageless, or we won't see anything.

Terence turns the torch off.

They peer through the window. 

Blackness, blackness.....

Hear the ocean? asks Ageless.

Roooaaarrrshhoom! 

No, says Terence. Yes, maybe.

Well, I can, says Ageless. 

Terence's eyes are becoming accustomed to blackness. He sees white flashes rising and falling.

Sea foam, says Ageless. That's where the rocks are.

I'll warn the sailors, says Terence. What's the SOS signal?

No need for that, says Ageless. 

Captain Baudin does it, says Terence. 

He said he flashes the torch over the ocean, says Ageless. But not what for.

I'm going down to ask him, says Terence.

He turns and runs down the winding staircase with the torch.

Ageless is left in the dark.

Annoyed with himself.

 Baudin will think he doesn't know the Morse code.

Drawing The Line

All the accessible sardines have been eaten.

Gaius goes outside and returns with an apple.

Excellent! says Denis. The perfect thing for cleansing our palates.

I don't suppose you have a knife? says Gaius.

Every sea captain has a knife, says Captain Baudin.

He produces a knife from a tiny drawer set into the side of the table.

That knife would have been useful earlier, says Denis.

What for? asks Captain Baudin.

To prise the sardine tin open, says Denis.

I draw the line at that, says Captain Baudin.

I hope you don't draw the line at slicing an apple, says Gaius.

Not at all, says Captain Baudin. We sea captains are experts at slicing apples.

He tosses the apple in the air and catches it on the tip of his knife.

Woo-hoo! says Terence.

How many slices? asks Captain Baudin.

None for me, says Ageless.

None for Terence, says Gaius.

Can I go upstairs and look at the light? asks Terence.

Captain Baudin ignores him.

So, three slices, says Captain Baudin. One for me, one for Gaius, one for Denis.

He places the apple on the table in the puddle of sardine oil, and divides it into three equal pieces.

CAN I? asks Terence.

I'll take him, says Ageless. Is there anything special we should know?

The light has been decommissioned, says Captain Baudin.

What does that mean? asks Terence.

Darkness, says Ageless We may as well not bother.

Pas du tout! says Captain Baudin. Take my torch with you. Flash it over the ocean. That's what I do.

Yay! says Terence.

Captain Baudin hands Terence his torch.

Terence and Ageless proceed up the narrow stairway.

Leaving Gaius and Denis to eat (or not) their sardine-flavoured apple.

A Sea Of Holes

That leaves three tins of sardines, says Captain Baudin.

Let me do it, says Gaius. Watch this, Terence.

Gaius opens a second sardine tin.

Okay, says Terence. Give me the next one.

No, says Captain Baudin. I won't have you ruining another.

Do you have a tin opener? asks Denis. I'll try and open the one Terence ruined..

Captain Baudin goes back into the pantry and returns with a fork.

Try this, says Captain Baudin.

Denis is unsure how to proceed with a fork as a tool.

But surely it can't be beyond him.

Meanwhile Gaius has opened the third and fourth tins of sardines.

Fork! says Captain Baudin.

Denis hands him the fork.

Captain Baudin scrapes the sardines from the three opened tins onto a small wooden table.

Bon appetit! says Captain Baudin. Feel free to take turns with the fork.

He stabs the fattest sardine with the fork, and leaves it in situ.

I assume I'm to stop trying to open the first tin, says Denis.

Why so? asks Captain Baudin.

There is only one fork, says Denis.

You had your chance, says Captain Baudin.

Sorry, says Denis, but I couldn't see how to approach it.

Captain Baudin lifts the fork from the fattest sardine and stabs it into the tin that Terence has ruined.

Four jets of sardine oil spurt out.

That should do it, says Captain Baudin.

He returns the fork to the second fattest sardine, the fattest having already been snaffled by Ageless.

Tasty sardine, says Ageless

Gaius takes a sardine in his fingers.

Denis takes another in his.

No one wishes to use the fork? asks Captain Baudin.

Me, says Terence.

What for? asks Gaius.

Making more holes, says Terence.

Good lad, says Captain Baudin. 

Terence stabs the ruined sardine tin. 

Stab-stab-stab!

Soon the lid is a sea of holes with sardine oil oozing out.

It's coming! says Terence.

No sardines, though, says Denis. 

Terence whacks the sardine tin on the table.

More oil splatters out, and some tiny round balls of sardine.

Well done, boy! Dig in, everyone! says Captin Baudin.

Only Ageless takes up the invitation.

Pale Pink To Deep Purple

It's getting late. The sky is turning pale pink.

May I make a suggestion? asks Captain Baudin.

Go ahead, says Gaius.

Why not sleep in my lighthouse? says Captain Baudin.

A kind offer, says Gaius. But we're quite happy camping outdoors.

I want to camp in the lighthouse! says Terence. 

It would be more comfortable, says Denis.

Not that much more comfortable, says Captain Baudin. 

What about you, Ageless? asks Gaius. 

I'll follow your orders, says Ageless.

No need to be like that, says Gaius. I seek your opinion.

Then let us sleep in the not much more comfortable lighthouse, says Ageless.

Why is it not much more comfortable? asks Denis.

Rounded walls, says Captain Baudin. You get used to it, however.

Are the beds round? asks Terence.

No beds, says Captain Baudin. Just flooring.

What about a light? asks Terence.

It's a lighthouse, says Captain Baudin.

There'll be a light at the top, says Gaius. 

You may go up and look at it, later, says Captain Baudin.

Yay! says Terence. 

As for dinner, says Captain Baudin, I can offer sardines.

Excellent! says Gaius. Wait, are they tinned ones?

Of course they are tinned ones, says Captain Baudin. Why are you asking?

What do they come in? asks Gaius.

He is thinking of sauce.

Tins, says Captain Baudin. Tins with a ring pull.

I mean what kind of sauce? asks Gaius.

No sauce, just oil, says Captain Baudin. I don't hold with these sauces.

Gaius is scared of tomatoes, says Terence.

Not scared, says Gaius. But I believe they are poison.

I quite like sardines in tomato sauce, says Denis. Very tangy.

Nothing beats plain sardine oil, says Captain Baudin.

The sky has by now turned deep purple.

Shall we all go inside? asks Captain Baudin.

They all go inside.

As expected the walls are curved. There are narrow steps leading upwards.

You'll sleep up there, says Captain Baudin. But first let me feed you.

He enters a tiny pantry, and comes back with four tins of sardines.

Who'd like to open these tins? asks Captain Baudin, looking at Terence.

Me, says Terence. 

Have you ever opened a ring pull sardine tin before? asks Gaius.

No, says Terence. But I've opened a Red Bull.

That didn't go well, says Denis.

I learned how to be careful, says Terence.

He tries lifting the ring pull on the first tin of sardines.

Everyone watches, as the ring pull breaks off in his hand.

What Are Bygones?

Lobster Girl! says Terence.

If you call me that again, I'll pinch you, says Ageless.

Lobster Lady! says Terence.

Ageless attempts to pinch Terence, to no avail.

You can't pinch me, says Terence. 

Then I'll do something worse, says Ageless.

That will do, says Gaius. 

Something worse? says Terence.

That is not what I meant, says Gaius. Let this be the end of it. No more threats, no more teasing.

Yes, no more teasing, says Denis. 

Captain Baudin returns with the tray, and four more hot toddies.

Hum, says Gaius. I think we've all had sufficient hot toddies.

Except for me, says Ageless. 

Ageless takes a hot toddy, and drinks it down fast.

Have another, says Captain Baudin. 

Ageless takes another.

Now we're all together, says Gaius, let's agree on an agenda.

Number one: stick together, says Ageless. 

That should go without saying, says Gaius.

It hasn't so far, says Ageless.

And whose fault is that? asks Denis.

De Freycinet's, says Captain Baudin. And he is not here. Let bygones be bygones.

What are by-gons? asks Terence.

Events that have gone by, says Denis. 

Like what? asks Terence.

Like when you teased Ageless, says Denis. That has gone by, because you let it.

I didn't let it, says Terence. I got told off by Gaius.

So did I, says Ageless. And I am his equal.

In this case, says Gaius, you are not my equal.

He's right, says Captain Baudin. 

Who's right? asks Gaius.

You, Gaius, says Captain Baudin. You are in charge of the mission, as I understand it. So your word prevails.

Remember I'm here on a voluntary basis, says Ageless.

And I'm here as a friend who has little better to do, says Denis. Yet, I'm quite prepared to take orders.

Me too, says Terence. Give me an order.

I already did, says Gaius. 

Another one, says Terence. I want to show Ageless.

How about helping Captain Baudin wash the dishes, says Gaius.

Hold it! says Captain Baudin. These are my precious hot toddy glasses. I'm not trusting them to a cement boy.

He could dry them, says Gaius. I'm sure he'd be careful.

I have to be careful if it's an order, says Terence.

Let me remind everyone that I'm the captain of this lighthouse, says Captain Baudin. No one will help me do the dishes. 

Boo! says Terence.

But the others, on reflection, are glad.

Lobsters Are Good at Puzzles

Terence has gone down the path as instructed.

He is looking for Ageless.

In the distance, something is moving towards him.

With two black dots on top.

Sunglasses! 

It has to be Ageless.

He runs towards Ageless and stops.

Guess what? says Terence. 

You went to the lighthouse without telling me, says Ageless. Is this how to treat a colleague?

Yes, says Terence. And we met Captain Bo Dan.

Captain Baudin, says Ageless.

That's him, says Terence. He made Gaius and Denis hot toddies. And me one without whiskers. But it didn't make me cough.

Ageless wisely ignores this.

Let's go, says Terence. You might get one.

Ageless resumes his journey to the lighthouse.

Did Roo-kai find you? asks Terence. 

He found me, says Ageless. I was at the marina, waiting for you.

Did he tell you where we were? asks Terence.

Yes, that's why I'm heading there now, says Ageless. It would have helped if we'd made an arrangement.

We did, says Terence. 

Without me, says Ageless.

You weren't there, says Terence.

Ageless considers the truth of this. 

But you are now, says Terence.

Yes, says Ageless. 

They are nearing the lighthouse.

They hear laughing voices.

Ha ha! Skydiving in the Canaries!

Ho! that's cheating!

Cheating why?

It's skydiving in a... not skydiving in the...

He's right. How about... skydiving in a tornado?

Hah-ha-ha, there's a challenge. Oh, here's Ageless!

Greetings all, says Ageless What's so funny?

Denis has received an email from Henriette, says Gaius. She has set us a puzzle.

Not US, says Denis. I should never have told you.

Hot toddy? asks Captain Baudin.

Thanks, I will, says Ageless, adjusting his sunglasses.

Captain Baudin goes inside.

What's the puzzle? asks Ageless.

Are you good at puzzles? asks Denis.

We lobsters are all good at puzzles, says Ageless.

Imagine you're Henriette, says Gaius. 

He can't, says Terence.

O yes I can, says Ageless. I'm Henriette. I'm in Brisbane sending emails to Denis to taunt him.

Very perspicacious of you, says Gaius.

Is that it? asks Ageless.

No, says Gaius. There's more. You're taunting Denis with a fantasy you have about skydiving, which you won't tell him.

I know exactly what it will be, says Ageless. 

Enlighten us, says Denis.

Best not, says Ageless. We girls have our secrets.

Ha ha! laughs Terence.

Ageless thinks he's a girl!

Skydiving In A....

Heard from Henriette? asks Gaius.

Not yet, says Denis. I've just sent her an email.

Your lady love? asks Captain Baudin.

A correspondent, says Denis.

A female, says Gaius, finishing his hot toddy.

Have another? asks Captain Baudin.

I will, thank you, says Gaius. 

And I'll have another, says Denis.

Captain Baudin goes inside and returns with three hot toddies, includimg one for himself.

What about me? asks Terence.

Why don't you go down the path and see if Ageless is coming, says Captain Baudin.

Okay, says Terence.

Denis takes a sip of his toddy before checking his emails.

Bien alors! He has received a reply.

So Denis, you've been thinking of me. I landed feet first, and kept running. I may go up again. I have this fantasy. I'm skydiving in a.... no, I won't tell you. You have your own fantasies. A lobster in a sea captain's hat, handing out hot toddies. How many have you had?

Humph! says Denis.

Did she go skydiving? asks Gaius.

She did, replies Denis.

A skydiving woman, says Captain Baudin, looking skywards.

She's in Brisbane, says Denis.

I was not looking for her, says Captain Baudin. I was using my imagination. How are her legs?

What do you mean how are her legs? asks Denis.

Legs are what you see first, says  Captain Baudin. 

Depends where you're standing, says Gaius.

As a matter of interest, says Denis, imagine you're her.

Both Captain Baudin and Gaius try to do it.

Now, says Denis. Complete this sentence: I'm skydiving in a....

Is that it? asks Gaius.

That's it, says Denis.

I'm skydiving in a clear blue sky says Gaius. 

Try something more fantastic, says Denis.

A clear blue sky full of chickens, says Gaius. How's that? What is the point of this exercise?

Perhaps Denis wants something more erotic, says Captain Baudin. 

Not necessarily, says Denis. 

I'm skydiving in a voluminous blue skirt, says Captain Baudin. As I float downwards it blows up like a balloon around me. I cannot see. My legs paddle wildly. How will I excecute a safe landing?

Very good! applauds Gaius. I see it all clearly.

Denis sees it all clearly as well.

Hence The Gull

Captain Baudin brings out a tray of hot toddies.

He is wearing his sea captain's hat.

Your hat! says Gaius. That's why I didn't recognise you at once. 

I don't always wear it, says Baudin. 

Denis reaches out to take a hot toddy.

Not that one, says Captain Baudin. That's for Terence.

Denis takes another one, and sips it.

Gaius takes a third.

It tastes of mainly of lemon and honey.

Gaius coughs.

So does Denis.

Hot toddies are good for coughs, says Captain Baudin.

Will I cough? asks Terence.

We shall see, says Captain Baudin. Try this one. I made it specially.

Terence picks up his hot toddy and takes a big gulp.

Nothing happens.

He wishes it would.

A giant cough, louder than anyone else's. Or a giant fart, even better.

This is good, says Gaius. I hope you went light on the whisky.

Pas du tout, says Captain Baudin.

Denis makes a face that shows he knows what pas du tout means.

But is prepared to overlook any consequences.

He squints out to sea.

Is that Roo-kai flying towards them?

No it isn't. It's a gull, gliding on the wind gracefully.

He remembers that he has not heard back from Henriette.

What was she doing?

Something with a parachute. Dangerous. He ought to try and make contact.

Anyone care for another? asks Captain Baudin.

Me, says Terence. The first one's not working.

What were you expecting? asks Captain Baudin.

Coughing, says Terence.

That's the initial effect of the whisky, says Baudin. Which you didn't have. After that, it's supposed to stop coughing, not start it.

Useful, if the toxic bloom should arrive in Point Lowly, says Gaius. 

I'm keeping an eye out, says Captin Baudin. No toxic bloom yet.

Good news, says Gaius. Hear that, Denis?

But Denis is busy composing an email to Henriette:

I have just seen a gull, gliding. A lobster in a sea captain's hat made me a hot toddy. He lives in a light house. Hence the gull. I have not heard from you since you went skydiving. I try to imagine you landing.  Denis.

He thinks twice, three times, about watching her landing. 

She may not like him imagining her landing. 

No. 

He deletes the sentence about landing, before pressing send.

Hot Toddy

Do we know where Ageless will be? asks Denis.

Roo-kai will tell us, says Gaius.

And where will we be? asks Denis.

Wherever we are when he comes back to tell us, says Gaius.

They have just cycled past the turn-off to the Point Lowly Campground.

So, not there, says Denis. 

We may have to go back to the campground, says Gaius. But for now I suggest we keep going.

They cycle past the turn-off to the Point Lowly Marina.

But they have not seen or heard from Rookai.

So they keep going.

I see a lighthouse! says Terence.

Ah! says Gaius. That may be where Ageless is waiting.

They cycle towards the Point Lowly Lighthouse.

Arrive. Dismount. Lean their bikes against the curved white wall of the lighthouse.

Ageless! shouts Terence.

Who is it that wants him? rasps a French lobstery voice. 

We are his friends, says Denis. We want him.

I too am his friend, says the French lobstery voice.

The voice comes round to the front of the lighthouse.

It's Captain Nicolas Baudin.

Don't I know you? asks Gaius.

And don't I know you? says Captain Baudin.

Gaius Secundus. says Gaius. Natural historian.  I know several lobsters , but they all look the same.

I DO know you, says Captain Baudin. I am Captain Nicolas Baudin. We met on Kangaroo Island. You left me a parrot.

Baudin! says Gaius. Well met, my friend. Yes I remember that parrot.

Was it my parrot? asks Terence.

Yes it was, says Captain Baudin. It was called Baby-Glossy. I taught it some French.

Did I ask you to? asks Terence.

Un mot of French, laughs Baudin. I was supposed to be teaching it English. Is it still with you? I suppose it's no longer a baby.

It's no longer a parrot, says Terence. 

Mort? says Captain Baudin. 

No longer a mort, says Terence. If that means alive.

It means dead, says Denis. Let's not get caught up in verbal nonsense. Have you seen Ageless?

Yes, says Captain Baudin. I met him on the beach and we chatted. He was waiting for you to arrive.

We have arrived, says Gaius. 

I invited him to dinner, says Captain Baudin. So he should be here shortly.

Should we wait? asks Gaius.

Certainly, come inside, says Captain Baudin. I'll make some hot toddies.

Then Roo-kai won't see us, says Terence.

Sit out here on this bench, says Captain Baudin. I'll bring the hot toddies outside.

Do I get one? asks Terence.

Oh-ho! Non! says Captain Baudin. Maybe yes, without the whisky.

Gaius looks at Denis.

They are here to do science.

Do they want a hot toddy with whisky?

Denis looks like he does.

Okay fine. If it's hot the alcohol will evaporate anyway, won't it.

One Boring Emu

Gaius and Denis are cycling back from the shops with the shopping.

I look forward to trying the Trail Mix, says Gaius.

He says this because Denis has bought Trail Mix, something Gaius would not have considered, on his own.

It's nuts and seeds mainly, says Denis. And small chunks of dried friut. 

Very good, says Gaius. Let's hope the dried fruit's not dried apples.

What if it is? asks Denis.

We have apples, says Gaius.

It's probably raisins, says Denis. As I recall, some things were dark brown.

We shall see, says Gaius. I'm quite partial to raisins.

So am I, says Denis. Not so partial to dried apples.

Indeed, says Gaius. They dip them in something.

To stop them becoming discoloured, says Denis. But it alters the taste.

They have arrived at the beach next to the marina.

Terence and Roo-kai are waiting.

What did you buy? asks Terence.

Apples, cheese, Trail Mix, says Gaius. 

I was right, says Terence. Except for the muffin.

I guessed the cheese, says Roo-kai.

But you didn't guess Trail Mix, says Gaius.

We would have, says Terence. If we knew what it was.

A conversation ensues which shall remain unrecorded.

Suffice to say it covers ground previously covered

(regarding the nature of Trail Mix). 

Right, time to head to Point Lowly, says Gaius.

Which way? asks Denis.

That way, says Gaius pointing to the Point Lowly Road.

Meet you there, says Roo-kai. I'll let Ageless know that you're coming.

He flies off in the direction of Point Lowly.

Roo-kai had a bellyache, says Terence.

Did he ? says Gaius. I hope he didn't eat a dead mollusc.

He burped and got better when he said cheese, says Terence.

An interesting cure, says Denis. 

They set out for Point Lowly, Terence in Gaius's backpack.

The road passes through dense mallee, saltbush, salt pans and low coastal scrub.

Gaius spots a kite and an eagle.

Denis spots a few kangaroos.

Terence spots nothing.

Except for one boring emu.

O-ish-et?

Roo-kai has started searching for molluscs.

Leaving Terence, singing his song.

Terence has stood up to find out if his song is working.

He would know if it was.

The sea would be teeming with fish escaping the sharks who were obeying the song.

But it isn't.

Roo-kai returns with a mollusc.

O-ish-et? asks Roo-kai.

What? says Terence.

Roo-kai cracks open the mollusc and swallows its soft parts.

No fish yet? asks Roo-kai.

No, says Terence.

Burp! says Roo-kai.

Maybe you shouldn't have swallowed it, says Terence. 

It was tasty, says Roo-kai. But in a weird way.

Sit down and relax, says Terence.

Roo-kai sits down on the sand. and stares out to sea.

His tummy feels active.

Don't worry, says Terence. Parrots don't die.

Roo-kai could reply to this statement: Several of yours have. 

But he doesn't.

Terence looks back towards the steps.

I wonder if Gaius and Denis have finished the shopping, says Terence.

Buuuurp! replies Roo-kai.

Let's guess what they're buying, says Terence. I'll go first. Apples.

Cheese, says Roo-kai.

You're better! says Terence.

Yes, Rookai is feeling better. If you can speak of cheese without gagging, you must be.

Muffins, says Terence. 

His face falls. He shouldn't have said that. 

His last parrot was a muffin.

Wasn't your last parrot a muffin? asks Roo-kai.

Yikes! Yes it was. And it ended up in the compost, with a hole in its face.

Terence will have to think fast or else Roo-kai will be correct and might die of eating the mollusc because it will be possible.

Wait. It was only a muffin. Not a real parrot. 

Which proves it.

That proves it, says Terence.

Roo-kai is happy enough to accept that it does.