What The Ex Boyfriend Had

This is my daughter, Felicia, says Patrick. 

Who's buying my old goggles and flippers? asks Felicia.

Me, says Surfing-with-Whales. But I'll try 'em on first.

He adjusts the goggle straps, and tries on the goggles.

All good, except for one thing.

I'll give them a clean, if you buy them, says Felicia.

Okay, let me try on the flippers, says Surfing-with-Whales.

She hands him the flippers.

They should fit you better than me, says Felicia.

Too big were they? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

They were my boyfriend's, says Felicia. 

How come you're selling them? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

We broke up, says Felicia.

Did he have toe fungus? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

Not that I noticed, says Felicia. Why are you asking?

His feet were inside these flippers, says Surfing-with-Whales.

So were mine, says Felicia. And so were dad's once or twice.

Maybe I won't buy the flippers, says Surfing-with-Whales.

Make up your mind, says Gaius. Time's a-wasting. But I should point out that vinegar is an effective disinfectant.

Okay, says Surfing-with-Whales. How much do you want for the goggles and flippers?

Twenty dollars, says Felicia.

That's not including the vinegar, says Patrick. Vinegar's over there on aisle two. 

I'll get the vinegar, says Gaius. And a lettuce, while I'm about it.

He heads to aisle two, picks up a bottle of vinegar and returns via the fruit and veg department with a bagged iceberg lettuce.

I'll take these and the fish socks, says Gaius. Plus two clipboards. My colleague will pay for the goggles and flippers.

Can you lend me a twenty? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

Sorry, no cash, says Gaius.

I want cash, says Felicia. 

So Surfing with Whales is obliged to use his mum's credit card to get a cash advance to pay Felicia for her ex boyfriend's goggles and flippers.

But basically, everyone's got what they wanted.

Quantum Patricks

It's easy to find Patrick's IGA.

It has Patrick's IGA on the front in large letters.

This will be it, says Gaius. It looks well-stocked and colourful.

They leave their bikes and the pullalong outside and go in.

Surfing-with-Whales heads straight for the counter.

Got any goggles and flippers?

Sorry, no, says the person behind the counter who could be, but may not be, Patrick.

Know where I could get them?

Er...um, hmm.... says may-not-be-Patrick.

So that's a no, says Surfing with Whales. What about clipboards?

Clipboards I can do, says may-not-be Patrick.

(To save words, let's call him not-Patrick).

We're a newsagency as well as an IGA , says not-Patrick.

Cool, says Surfing-with-Whales. I'll take two, one waterproof and one normal.

You going diving? asks not-Patrick.

When I get the goggles and flippers, says Surfing-with-Whales.

Terence comes up to the counter.

Guess what?

What? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

Gaius is buying fish socks! says Terence.

The fish socks are very popular, says not-Patrick.

Am I getting a clipboard? asks Terence.

Yeah, they have clipboards , but not goggles and flippers, says Surfing-with-Whales.

My daughter has some she never uses, says not-Patrick. She might be persuaded to sell them.

What size feet does she have? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

Quite big ones, says not-Patrick. Wait here.

Not-Patrick goes out the back to look for his daughter's old goggles and flippers.

Which may indicate that he is in fact Patrick.

But to be on the safe side, let's continue to call him not-Patrick.

Gaius comes up to the counter with orange fish socks.

How do you like these? asks Gaius. 'Gone fishing' socks. Pity they're orange.

They'll be easy to find, says Surfing-with-Whales..

Not too loud? asks Gaius.

Not-Patrick returns with his daughter, who is carrying a plastic bag containing goggles and flippers.

She is not a large person, but her goggles and flippers are big.

How Do I Know?

Is it morning? asks Little Mystic.

Yes, says Terence. 

Did I go to sleep? asks Little Mystic.

Yes, says Terence.

So what's going to happen? says Little Mystic.

Everything, says Terence. We're buying goggles and flippers and a clipboard today. Maybe two clipboards.

Maybe? says Little Mystic.

Probably, says Terence. Wake up everybody!

Gaius wakes up, under his tree.

Arh-ugh! says Gaius, rubbing his shoulder. What time is it?

Morning, says Terence. 

So it is, says Gaius.

He shakes Surfing-with-Whales, who is still asleep under the blanket.

Whaa..? says Surfing-with-Whales. Morning already?

It is, says Gaius. I believe you're planning to buy goggles and flippers today.

And two clipboards, says Terence.

I think one would suffice, says Gaius.

Surfing-with-Whales stands up. 

What's for breakfast?

There's one apple, says Gaius. And a scrape of peanut butter in the bottom of the jar.

I feel like coffee and a muffin, says Surfing-with-Whales. I'm heading into Strahan. Who's coming?

We'll all go, says Gaius. Now that you've mentioned coffee and a muffin.

Let's go! says Terence. 

They grab their bikes, and with Terence and Little Mystic in the pullalong, head into Strahan.

They stop at the Coffee Shack, opposite the cruise departure terminal.

The Coffee Shack is full of salmon fishery workers, eating muffins.

Surfing-with-Whales orders a spinach and feta muffin, and a flat white.

Gaius orders the same for himself, plus a red drink for Terence.

They sit down near a table of salmon fishery workers.

Tourists? asks one of the salmon fishery workers.

No, says Gaius. Ecologists. Checking on numbers of maugean skates.

Good luck with that, says the salmon fishery worker.

Thank you, says Gaius. I don't suppose you've seen any recently?

The salmon fishery workers laugh, and keep eating their muffins.

Anyone know where I can buy goggles and flippers? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

And two clipboards, says Terence.

And socks, says Gaius, remembering he's short of a sock.

Try Patrick's IGA, says the salmon fishery worker. Anyhow, gotta go. Shift starts in fifteen minutes.

The salmon fishery workers get up and leave.

Helpful, says Gaius.

Never seen goggles and flippers in an IGA, says Surfing-with-Whales.

No, says Gaius. Perhaps he just meant us to ask there.

Makes sense, says Surfing-with-Whales. Okay let's go.

NOW everything's going to happen, says Terence.

I believe you, says Little Mystic. Do you think Patrick's IGA will sell socks?

How do I know? says Terence.

Crabs Go Oo-lay-o

Nightfall.

Gaius makes himself comfortable under a tree.

Surfing-with-Whales looks for his blanket.

Where could it be?

He looks into the pullalong.

And there is the blanket.

Little Mystic is curled up in the corner.

Move yourself, says Surfing-with-Whales. I need the blanket.

Okay, says Little Mystic. I don't mind shivering.

Sorry, says Surfing-with-Whales. But I do. 

Little Mystic moves off the blanket.

I'll get Terence, says Surfing-with-Whales.

He calls Terence. 

What? asks Terence.

Little Mystic is cold, says Surfing-with-Whales, and I've taken the blanket.

That's MEAN, says Terence. You should take him as well.

I don't want to roll over on him, says Surfing-with-Whales. Why don't you keep him company.

Okay, says Terence.

Surfing-with-Whales lifts Terence into the pullalong and heads off with the blanket, to find a good tree. 

I'm here, says Terence.

Sing to me, says Little Mystic.

Terence is flattered. He is not often asked.

Okay, says Terence. Close your eyes and I'll sing you a song of what's going to happen.

I'd like that, says Little Mystic. Then I'll know what's going to happen.

You might not, says Terence.

Why not? asks Little Mystic. 

You might fall asleep, says Terence.

I won't, says Little Mystic.

Terence starts singing his song about what's going to happen:

in the morning, we will go

to buy a clipboard

oo-lay-o

I'll draw a skull and crossbones

on the clipboard

oo-lay-o

Surfing-with-Whales will dive with the clipboard and show

it to crabs

oo-lay-o

and the crabs will go 

oo-lay o

we don't know

and we've lost our brother, where did he go?

oo-lay-o

and Surfing-with-Whales will say

that is something I know

oo-lay-o

if you show me the skates, where they go,

I will show you your brother 

in a sock full of cabbage 

oo-lay-o....

Terence stops singing.

Then what? asks Little Mystic.

I thought you'd be sleeping by now, says Terence.

It's too thrilling, says Little Mystic.

Not Killing Anything

I see you've removed the poultice, says Gaius.

Er, yeah, says Surfing-with-Whales.

It fell off in the water, says Terence.

And my sock? asks Gaius.

That too, says Surfing-with-Whales. I could go back and look for it.

It's getting too dark, says Gaius. 

In the morning, says Surfing-with-Whales. 

Do crabs eat socks? asks Terence.

I doubt it, says Gaius. But they might be attracted by cabbage inside the sock.

Then what? asks Terence.

Gaius is pleased that Terence is asking these questions. 

Demonstrating an interest in crustacean behaviour.

The crab may crawl inside the sock, says Gaius. To get to the cabbage.

Would it eat the cabbage? asks Terence.

Crabs do eat plant material, says Gaius. 

What if it couldn't get out of the sock? asks Terence.

A good question, says Gaius. And when Surfing-with-Whales finds my sock, we shall find out the answer.

He looks across at Surfing-with-Whales to see if he's listening. 

But he isn't. He's looking at his phone, which is ringing.

Ring ring. He answers.

It's Sweezus.

Hey! says Sweezus. How's it going?

Great, says Surfing-with-Whales. 

Still in Tassie? asks Sweezus.

Yeah, says Surfing-with-Whales. We're in Strahan.

So you won't be back next Saturday for the Tour Down Under, says Sweezus.

No way bro, says Surfing-With Whales. Pity.

No worries, says Sweezus. How's Terence? 

I'll put him on, says Surfing-with-Whales.

He hands Terence the phone.

Hey, little buddy, says Sweezus, Keeping out of trouble?

Guess what? says Terence. It was Christmas and I didn't get a present not even a squirt gun, but I'm getting a clipboard and I have to draw a skull and crossbones on it.

What for? asks Sweezus. 

To show the crabs what we're looking for, says Terence.

I thought it was some kind of skate, says Sweezus.

It is, says Terence. 

And why do the crabs need to see it? asks Sweezus

So they think we want to kill them, says Terence.

What's this? asks Gaius. Were not killing anything.

What did Gaius say? asks Sweezus.

We're not killing anything, says Terence. But the crab might get stuck in his sock.

Why is... begins Sweezus, but thinks better of it.

Yeah well good luck little buddy. And stay out of the water.

I will , says Terence.

Sweezus is glad that he called. 

Wouldn't want Surfing-with-Whales and Gaius turning up at the last minute expecting a place in Team Condor.

And it's good things are going okay in Tassie.

Along with the usual stuff.

Flippering Past

Why do you want a clipboard? asks Gaius.

To prove things, says Terence.

Such as? asks Gaius.

Surfing-with-Whales saw two skates, then he said he didn't, says Terence.

Maybe that means he didn't, says Gaius.

BUT, says Terence, I'd have written it down on my clipboard.

Indeed, says Gaius. However I don't have a clipboasrd. If I had one, I'd have used it as a surface to cut up the cabbage.

Lucky me, says Terence.

Why so? asks Gaius.

That would've ruined my clipboard, says Terence.

Surfing-with-Whales and Roo-kai have come back to the camp site.

What did you think of the water? asks Gaius.

I reckon I'll need goggles and flippers, says Surfing-with-Whales. And a waterproof clipboard.

You too? says Gaius. 

When I see any bottom-dwelling crabs, says Surfing-with-Whales. I'll show them the clipboard.

Instead of talking, says Roo-kai.

Bottom-dwelling crabs won't make head nor tail of your clipboard, says Gaius.

Yeah, but I was thinking of a picture, says Surfing-with-Whales. So they know what I'm looking for.

Put yourself in their place, says Gaius.

He's going to, says Terence.

I mean, see it their way, says Gaius. Someone comes goggling and flippering past with a picture of a maugean skate, their number one predator. Are they likely to point you in the right direction?

Good point, says Surfing-with-Whales.

He tries to put himself in the bottom-dwellers' position.

Probably depends what they think I'm gonna do when I find one.

I know! says Terence. A skull and cross bones! I'll do the drawing! 

Awesome, says Surfing-with-Whales. We'll head into Strahan tomorrow and buy everything. That's if Gaius agrees.

I don't need to agree, says Gaius. This is your hare-brained scheme.

Okay, but I thought... begins Surfing-with-Whales.

Think again, says Gaius.

Second Mollusc

Roo-kai spots a second mollusc.

The second mollusc has not spotted him.

Good afternoon, mollusc, says Roo-kai.

Blurt! says the mollusc.

A quick question, says Roo-kai.

Then you'll eat me! says the mollusc.

I may not, says Roo-kai.

What is it? asks the mollusc.

Any maugean skates around here? asks Roo-kai.

Too shallow, says the mollusc. You need to ask a bottom-dwelling crab.

How do I contact a bottom-dwelling crab? asks Roo-kai.

Don't ask me, says the mollusc.

If you don't know, says Roo-kai. I may as well eat you.

I knew it! says the mollusc.

Roo-kai eats the mollusc, but feels a bit bad.

He sees Surfing-with-Whales walking back to the campsite with Terence.

He joins them.

Guess what? says Terence. Surfing-with-Whales is getting goggles and flippers!

Great, says Roo-kai. Where from?

There must be a sports shop in Strahan, says Surfing-with-Whales.

Yes, there must, says Roo-kai. Want me to find out?

Nah, says Surfing-with-Whales. I'll take a look in the morning.

Okay, says Roo-kai.

Your supposed to help ME, says Terence.

What do you want? asks Roo-kai.

A clipboard, says Terence. 

Gaius might have one, says Roo-kai.

Terence runs ahead to ask Gaius if he has a clipboard.

Roo-kai looks at Surfing-with-Whales.

I try to be helpful, says Roo-kai.

I know, says Surfing-with-Whales. 

I asked a mollusc if it'd seen any skates, says Roo-kai.

What did it say? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

Ask a bottom-dwelling crab, says Roo-kai.

And did you? asks Sufing-with-Whales.

I'm a shorebird, says Roo-kai.

Yeah, but it's a good suggestion, says Surfing-with-Whales.

You might do it yourself when you get your goggles and flippers, says Roo-kai.

Can't ask anything with my mouth shut, says Surfing-with-Whales.

You could write the question on a waterproof clipboard, says Roo-kai.

D'you reckon bottom-dwellers can read? asks Surfing-with-Whales. 

Worth a try, says Roo-kai. 

Sure is, says Surfing-with-Whales. 

Best keep it short, though, says Roo-kai. 

Ask A Mollusc

Apple? asks Gaius.

Not after that cabbage, says Surfing-with-Whales. I might walk down to the water.

So your ankle feels better? asks Gaius.

Yeah, a lot better, says Surfing-with-Whales.

Cabbage at both ends, says Gaius. 

Surfing-with-Whales ignores him.

He stands up and walks down to the water.

He'll be fine to go diving tomorrow.

He imagines himself going in, wearing goggles, and flippers.

It occurs to him that he hasn't brought goggles or flippers.

Okay. He'll have to ask Gaius to fork out for goggles and flippers.

He continues to imagine himself going in.

Terence has followed him.

Are you going in now? asks Terence.

Not yet, says Surfing-with-Whales. I need goggles and flippers.

And me, says Terence.

What will you do? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

Stand here and wait till you come out and give me a number, says Terence. Then I 'll write down the number.

Wanna practise? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

Yes! says Terence.

Surfing-with-Whales walks into the water up to his waist and ducks under the water.

He stands up and raises two fingers.

Two! says Terence.

Surfing wirh-Whales squelches out.

Shit, says Surfing with-Whales. Lost my poultice. And Gaius's sock. He won't be happy.

Yes he will ! says Terence. You saw two skates already.

He starts to run back to tell Gaius that Surfing-with-Whales has seen two skates already.

Stop! says Surfing-with-Whales. No I didn't. That was a practice.

It still counts, says Terence.

Only if I'd actually seen them, says Surfing-with-Whales.

Boo! says Terence. You lied.

Roo-kai is nearby searching for molluscs.

He finds one.

He prongs it, shakes it and swallows.

It occurs to him that the mollusc might have known if there were skates in the area.

Too late now.

But he'll ask the next mollusc.

It All Would Have Happened

Gaius has located a knife. 

Now to cut up the cabbage.

But what on?

What're you looking for? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

A flat surface, says Gaius. 

He looks around for something useful.

Aha! says Gaius. Terence, would you mind me using your skateboard?

Okay, says Terence. 

Gaius lifts the skateboard out of the pullalong.

What's he doing? asks Little Mystic.

He's having a go on my skateboard, says Terence.

With a cabbage? says Little Mystic.

They watch Gaius. 

Will he skate with the cabbage? 

No. He is putting it down.

He's letting the cabbage go first, says Terence.

A cabbage can't do it, says Little Mytic. It hasn't got legs.

Let's see what happens, says Terence.

Gaius kneels beside the skatebord and starts chopping.

With a knife!

Wah! cries Terence/

What's up? asks Surfing-with-Whales, looking up from the notes on the maugean skate.

Gaius is chopping my skateboard! says Terence.

He's chopping the cabbage, says Surfing-with-Whales. Weren't you listening?

I was listening to you, says Terence. How come you stopped?

A diagram, says Surfing-with-Whales. You can't read a diagram out loud.

You should have said, says Terence.

Yes, says Little Mystic, then none of this would have happened.

It all would have happened, says Surfing-with-Whales. But look at this. This is what a maugean skate looks like.

A starfish! says Terence. No, a fruitbat. No... an umbrella.

No way does it look like an umbrella, says Surfing-with-Whales, It looks like a stingray.

Yikes, says Terence.

Done! says Gaius. We'll use the skateboard for a table.

Cool, says Surfing-with-Whales. Wheel it over here. Can someone get my mum's cheese?

I assume you're not totally helpless, says Gaius.

Okay. Looks like Surfing-with-Whales will have to get his own cheese.

He stands up.

Tests his ankle.

It feels fine. 

He walks to his bicycle, and rummages in his backpack for the peppercorn cheddar.

He finds it and hands it to Gaius, who opens the packaging, shaves off a few slices, and crumbles them over the chopped cabbage.

Thereby creating a not-too-bad dinner.

Bottom Dwellers

So are we camping here? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

Why not? says Gaius. It's near the water, and it's not a long walk to the shops.

Where you bought the cabbage, says Surfing-with-Whales.

Indeed, says Gaius.

Anything else? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

No. I thought we'd dine on the rest of the cabbage, says Gaius.

Great, says Surfing-with-Whales. I might eat mum's cheese after all.

A welcome addition, says Gaius.

Surfing-with-Whales has remained on the grass with his foot up.

It feels better already.

Here are my notes, says Gaius. I'll shred the cabbage while you peruse them.

What can I do? asks Terence.

Look for a knife, says Gaius. No, on second thoughts, don't do that. I'll find one. Sit beside Surfing-with-Whales and listen.

Listen to what? asks Terence.

If you ask him to read the notes out loud, I'm sure he will do it, says Gaius. 

Okay, says Surfing-with-Whales. I'll do it.

I haven't asked you, says Terence.

Do you want me to? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

Yes, says Terence.

He sits down next to Surfing-with-Whales, who starts reading:

Maugean skates mostly live in brackish water about 5 to 15 metres deep, feeding on bottom dwelling crabs....

Ha ha! laughs Terence. 

What's so funny? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

Everything, says Terence. 

The word bottom, says Gaius, in this case, means the bottom of the harbour, which is where the crabs live. Hence bottom dwelling.

Not people's bottoms, says Terence.

No, says Gaius.

Surfing-with-Whales continues reading: Maugean skates live only in Macquarie Harbour, and are heading for extinction. Forty seven percent of the population was wiped out in 2019. Shizz!

Shizz? says Gaius. 

He is still looking for a knife but is listening.

Sheeez! says Surfing-with-Whales. How'd they even know that? And how come?

Salmon farming, says Gaius. Fish food and faeces sink to the bottom and decompose, thus further depleting already low oxygen levels.

Oh, yeah, says Surfing-with-Whales. It says all that here.

Yes it does, says Gaius. You'll find my notes comprehensive.

Super comprehensive, says Surfing-with-Whales.  There's even stuff about fried carrot cake.

Is there? asks Gaius. Sometimes extraneous things do slip in.

Is it gonna be a cole slaw? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

What? asks Gaius.

Dinner, says Surfing-with-Whales.

A very plain cole slaw, says Gaius. You'll have to imagine the carrot.

Dirty Side IN

Surfing-with-Whales takes the green sock from Gaius, and sniffs it.

Extend your leg, says Gaius. But you should sit down first. 

Surfing-with-Whales sits on the grass, extending his leg.

You can probably do this yourself, says Gaius. Take this cabbage leaf and wrap it round your ankle.

Can I do it? asks Terence.

Go ahead, says Surfing-with-Whales. Is this green sock clean?

It hardly matters, says Gaius. The cabbage will be between it and your ankle.

So, it's not clean, says Surfing-with-Whales.

I may have worn it a few times, says Gaius. Terence, start wrapping.

Terence wraps a green cabbage leaf round Surfing-with-Whales's ankle.

It doesn't go all the way round, says Terence.

Here is a second leaf, says Gaius. And you may need a third.

Okay, says Terence, taking the second leaf.

The first leaf drops off. 

It's not working, says Terence.

Yeah, says Surfing-with-Whales. Let me hold it in place.

I'll have the sock ready, says Gaius.

Turn it inside out first, says Surfing-with-Whales.

Dirty side IN? says Gaius.

Um, yeah, says Surfing-with-Whales. 

Your choice, says Gaius, turning the sock inside out.

Terence replaces the first cabbage leaf.

Surfing-with-Whales fills the gap with the second, and holds it in place.

Gaius rolls up the inside out sock.

Let go now, Terence, says Gaius.

Terence lets go.

Surfing-with-Whales eases his fingers out of the unfurling sock.

And it's done!

That should do the trick, says Gaius. Just go about your business as usual and let the cabbage poultice do its healing work.

Great, says Surfing-with-Whales. How long for?

A day or two, says Gaius.

What about diving? asks Surfing-with-Whales. That's what I came for.

Yes, the maugean skates! says Gaius. We'll set up camp near the water, and I'll poke about a bit. 

Me too, says Terence.

You are not to enter the water, says Gaius. Your job will be to record our findings.

What'll I do in the meantime? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

Study my notes, says Gaius. The more you know about maugean skates, the better.

Gotcha, says Surfing-with-Whales.

Cool. For the next few days he can relax by the lake while his ankle gets better.

 And learn stuff.

Sock Of Suspicion

Geez! says Surfing-with-Whales. When's he going to get back?

I'll go and see if he's coming, says Little Mystic.

How? asks Terence.

Fly up and look down, says little Mystic.

Which way? asks Terence.

Straight up, says Little Mystic. 

Go on then, says Terence.

Little Mystic flies up and looks down.

Flap-flap. Roo-kai flies up behind him.

Looking for Gaius? asks Roo-kai.

Yes, says Little Mystic. Are you looking too?

Yes, says Roo-kai. He's been shopping. Bought a cabbage, if I'm not mistaken.

This is my first time looking for someone, says Little Mystic.

I thought so, says Roo-kai. That's very enterprising. Well, he's coming. Why don't you fly down and tell them.

Me? says Little Mystic.

You, says Roo-kai.

Okay, says Little Mystic.

Hurry, says Roo-kai. There's no point if he gets back before you tell them.

Is he close? asks Little Mystic.

Very close, says Roo-kai. But you're closer.

Little Mystic drops down

Did you find him? asks Terence.

He's on his way back with a cabbage, says Little Mystic.

Great, says Surfing-with-Whales. So I'm getting a cabbage poultice. 

Yes you are , says Gaius, arriving with the cabbage. How's the ankle?

Still purple, says Surfing-with-Whales.

This'll have you fixed in a jiffy, says Gaius.

Guess what? asks Terence.

What? asks Gaius. ripping leaves from the cabbage.

Little Mystic flew up to find you, says Terence. And he told us you were coming. So we already knew.

Wonderful, says Gaius. Little Mystic has the makings of a very fine parrot.

Little Mystic looks proud.

Now to apply the poultice, says Gaius. 

Yeah, how? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

Inside your sock would be ideal, says Gaius. But I see you're not wearing any.

I never wear 'em, says Surfing-with-Whales.

You'll have to borrow one of mine, says Gaius. 

He rummages in his back pack and pulls out a green sock.

Surfing-with-Whales eyes the sock with suspicion.