Wednesday, July 5, 2017

Stage Five: Vittel to La Planche des Belles Filles - Slow Roasted

The clowns are watching the start of Stage Five in Vittel.

From their pockets, they produce bottles of water.

Anyone who wants one can have one.

No one wants one.

The teams roll out of Vittel.

I hear Belle has some especially nice snacks for us, says Vello.

Good, says David. Especially nice. That rules out Power Bars.

I quite like them, says Jacobi.

Goodness! A breakaway already! says Vello.

Good luck to them, says David. It's between Porte and Froomey today.

Team BMC moves to the head of the peloton in front of Team Sky.

It remains like this for ages.

They pass through normal French countryside, fields full of slowly rotating giant bicycles made out of farm implements and hay bales.

At the feeding station, Belle waits with slow roasted frogs.

Sweezus grabs a musette and keeps going.

He wants the green jersey today.

Arthur slows down. What's in it?

Frogs! says Belle. Papa loves them.

Arthur thinks he might try to swap his frog for a Power Bar, if anyone is willing.

Gaius takes one. I hope you like slow roasted frogs! cries Belle.

I do! says Gaius. He slows down.

He stops, although he shouldn't. Water always keeps going.

Could I ask you a favour? asks Gaius.

Sure, says Belle.

If you see Third Sister, would you give her something to eat?

Crikey! says Belle. Is no one feeding Third Sister? I thought Tiny would do it. He's her brother.

He's been missing for two days, says Gaius.

Leave it to me! says Belle.

She watches out for Third Sister.

Vello, David and Jacobi ride up, panting.

Here you are, boys, says Belle. Slow roasted frogs from Vittel.

Heaven! cries Vello.

David looks less delighted.

Jacobi decides not to take one.

Baby Pierre and Ouvert of Team Claw whizz by, hardly visible at all for some reason.

But Third Sister is lagging.

Looped legs, black bike and black bike knicks, and ......is she there or isn't she?

Yes. Belle hands her a slow roasted frog.

Oh, Belle! says Third Sister. Thank you!

Belle resolves to take better care of Third Sister in future. And also to find Tiny Sacrifice, and tell him off.

........

At the top of La Planche des Belles Filles, Terence is waiting, stony-faced, between the two clowns.

Pickelherring wears the trick braces.

He is performing a dance.

One side of the braces comes undone and he swings it until it coils round his neck.

He uncoils it, and hooks it into the crotch of his trousers.

Grimaldi tries to get back control of his braces.

He wants to put them back in the suitcase.

The one Tiny might be dead or alive in.

These are the sorts of inexplicable things that clowns do.

No one is even watching.

They are watching Fabio Aru.

Fabio is pedalling like someone who has swapped a Power Bar for a slow roasted frog, and got a super boost of energy.

(Note: It doesn't work for every one).

The crowd cheers for Fabio Aru.

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