The Ageless Lobster

dear fossilised clam,,,,,,,

clikclik,,,,I just read what you wrote it moved me so, gulp,,,,,

i am that lobster you were so angry with for wishing i was you,,,,,,

now i have been thinking, gulpppp, ,,,,,thinking, that i'm quite glad i'm not you ha ha

no that was wrong of me, i did not mean ha ha, ,,,,,yes you moved me so,,,,,,,oh,,,,

you have a lovely way of writing more refined than me,,,,,,i can't stop cliking and producing commas,,,,,,it comes of having large unwieldy nippers,,,,,

i think i understand why you like the letter m,,,, you have a vague and distant memory of a time when you had moveable lips? mmm? a little joke ,,,,,, mmm?

would you like to meet we might clikclik,,,,,we might have many things to say, we might even team up what do you say,,,,,, together,,,we could pool our thoughts,,,,,,,where do you reside?

please answer soon,,,, your friend the ageless lobster,,,,,, clik gloop,,,,,, ps,,, do you have a pen name? i call myself the ageless lobster.

Points and Snippers

Perhaps you meant pincers, or nippers? suggested Pliny the Elder. Not snippers, he added, pointedly.

I'm sure it said snippers in the Biodiversity Gallery, I insisted. However, they probably meant pincers. I'm sure they didn't mean us to think the crab used gardening snips. Where would a crab find those, for goodness sake?

My point exactly, said Pliny. At least we can understand how a sponge crab might lay its hands on a sponge.

Perhaps you mean pincers, or nippers, Pliny, I suggested. Not hands.

Point taken, said Pliny, with a watery smile.

I've been thinking about the sponge crab, I continued. Why does it need a sponge for protection ? It has a hard shell after all. What is a sponge good for? Soaking up water. Well, how useful is that to a crab?

Good question, said Pliny thoughtfully. What made you think of it?

I thought of it when I was walking home through the parklands afterwards and it began to rain. My hair was getting wet. I had a plastic shopping bag in my handbag, so I got it out, unfurled it and held it over my head. I remembered the sponge crab, then, with its bright yellow sponge on its head.

On its back, surely.

Yes alright, on its back. And I thought that a sponge would be a lot more useful to me than a plastic shopping bag, because the rain was dripping over the edges of the plastic bag onto my shoulders. And then I thought it wouldn't, once it had filled up.

So it would only have been better, up to a point?

Up to a point, yes. But if I'd been a crab, I might have had the opposite view.

How so?

Because the plastic shopping bag would have covered me completely.

Assuming that, as a crab, you would care.

Yes, assuming I would care.

Ahh, said Pliny. Natural history! It certainly makes you think.