Pliny's Roman Menu

What's this? says Pliny. Pliny's Roman Menu. What are you doing with this? Let me see.

No, Pliny it's mine.

How can it be yours? It's got my name on it.

I'm making a birthday card for someone, and I'm doing it in the form of a Roman Menu. I thought he might like to see the sorts of things you Romans used to eat at your banquets.

What sorts of things? Let me have a look. Oh, Jellyfish and eggs for starters, Yes, yes, that would be very nice, and Cows Udders stuffed with salted sea urchins, good. Also Patina of Brains, baked with milk and eggs, and Boiled Tree Fungi in peppered fish fat sauce. These are all delightful dishes, and recall most pleasant memories.

You really did eat these things, Pliny?

Hardly ever. I was known for my austerity and was usually far too busy to eat any but the simplest of foods, but I must admit to enjoying the occasional more indulgent sort of dinner. What's the first course?

Dormice stuffed with port and dormouse legs, Peacock eggs, Beans, asparagus and lettuce.

Very good indeed. But you may have trouble finding some of these things in the shops.

What do you mean Pliny?

For my birthday dinner.

For your ......? Oh, but it wasn't.......Oh, yes. I shall just have to do my best with what's available, I suppose.

A Wind Egg

Look Pliny, tell me what you think of this, I said, showing him a photograph.

Hmmm. Is it a wind egg? he asked, peering over my shoulder.

That depends whether a wind egg is a sea urchin skeleton, I replied. It is very beautiful, is it not? Look at the delicate patterns on the shell and the pretty eyelets, like broderie anglaise.

A sea urchin! said Pliny. I have written on the subject of sea urchins in my Natural Histories. Now, what was it.......oh yes, I remember. The sea urchin is famous for its intelligence.

Oh I said, and why is that?

Because, he answered, the sea urchin, having spines instead of feet, moves by rolling like a ball. Before a tempest, it collects stones and weighs itself down with them to avoid being easily shifted, and so that its spines will not be worn out with too much rolling. Whenever sailors see this they make fast their boats with several anchors.

Oh really? I said. That seems super-observant of the sailors. Wouldn't the sea urchins have been rolling around ( and trying not to ) on the bottom of the sea? Wouldn't it just have been easier to look for storm clouds?

The sea urchins begin collecting stones well before any storm clouds are visible, said Pliny firmly. Sailors would notice this perhaps in the early morning, when gathering sea urchins, or later, when eating them, they might find them to be full of stones.

You are making that up, I snorted.

Only about the sailors' breakfast, he replied. And yet it is quite probable, for sea urchins are highly prized as a delicacy, particularly the 5 ovaries, which are often coral-coloured and have a wonderful bitter taste. Furthermore, sea urchins are much sought after as a remedy for sea sickness, and an antidote to poison. But most of all, they are prized for their magical properties, and that is why I referred earlier to a wind egg, for I thought that I was looking at an ovum anguinum.

How mystifying you are! I cried. What the devil is a wind egg?

I shall tell you tomorrow, said Pliny, primly.

Three Hats

The following morning they went for a walk on Goolwa Beach. There was a strong breeze and they followed it, wearing three hats between them.

Pliny saw many wondrous items that had been thrown up on the shore. Orange peel sponges and mandarin skins, giant polished beetle polyps, fans traced on the sand by wind with a seaweed pen, scarlet and purple striped sea urchins with white stitched borders and toothless holes, spherical balls of fine weedstring, and long ones shaped like turds.

Turning back into the wind they were faced with low streams of fine dry sand passing between their legs like time lapsed clouds. It was quite unpleasant.