Sir Frederick has not given up hope of Gaius endorsing the Pobblebonk.
He invites him and the Elegant Parrot to take a tour of the Melbourne Museum.
They arrive at the Science and Life Gallery.
And go in.
Naturally it is free for Sir Frederick. Not fourteen dollars.
Sir Frederick, Gaius and the Elegant Parrot join a group of children who are feeling a sauropod thigh bone.
Enjoying yourselves? asks the Elegant Parrot.
Yes, chorus the children.
So would I have, says the Elegant Parrot.
Terence looks up from the sauropod thigh bone.
Look, dinosaur teeth! says Terence.
He takes a handful of dinosaur teeth from his gecko shorts pocket.
Now, children, says Sir Frederick. This boy has done something DREADFUL. Who knows what it is?
Stolen some dinosaur teeth, says a little girl.
That is correct, says Sir Frederick. And what happens to thieves?
They make friends, says Terence.
This is Terence, says Gaius. I know him. He is supposed to be here with a lady.
You know him? says Sir Frederick, somewhat taken aback. Where is the lady?
Where is Katherine? asks Gaius.
Looking at Top Signs with Grizel, says Terence.
Top Signs? says Gaius.
That's ANOTHER Gallery they wouldn't let me into, says the Elegant Parrot. Top Designs. They probably thought I would....
Steal them? asks Sir Frederick, twitching his Dundreary whiskers.
Crap on them, says the Elegant Parrot.
Hee hee, laugh the children.
They're just teeth, says Terence.
Just teeth, says the little girl, smiling at Terence.
Just teeth, says the Elegant Parrot. If you put them under your pillow you might grow a beak. Not me, I wouldn't. I've already got one. But you children might.
Come, says Sir Frederick. Enough of this fantasy. Let us go to the Top Designs Gallery and find the ladies.
This situation needs ladies.
He strides ahead to the door of the gallery, ignoring the fate of the teeth.
Before leaving, Terence gives the biggest of the dinosaur teeth to the nice little girl who dobbed him in, and later smiled, and was pretty.
She accepts it.
Next morning, she might have a beak.
Wednesday, June 8, 2016
Monday, June 6, 2016
This Place Is A Death Trap
Ten o'clock at the Melbourne Museum. Opening time.
Sir Frederick McCoy sits in his grand office, waiting for his visitor, Gaius Plinius Secundus.
The famous Prodromus lies open on his desk, revealing a delicate and highly detailed drawing of a Pobblebonk.
He is hoping to get Gaius on side with a new project.
Knock knock.
Sir Frederick stands up. Opens the door of his office.
The two famous men regard one another.
Sir Frederick, natty dresser, reddish Dundreary whiskers, peppery when thwarted.
And Gaius, porridge stains on his shirt, smelling faintly of sardines, a parrot on his shoulder, in a good temper this morning.
Hello! says the Elegant Parrot, before either famous man can speak. Forgive me for being here, but I was not allowed into the Dinosaur Walk, for some unexplained reason. I can only think....
I can only think, says Sir Frederick, that whoever it was thought you ought to be in Live Exhibits.
Instead, she is here, says Gaius. But no matter. She has little interest in dinosaurs.
Being a female, says the Elegant Parrot. We like feathers and whatnot.
Ho ho, says Sir Frederick. Better not let my younger staff members hear that.
Now, says Gaius, time is pressing. I see you have the Prodromus. May I ask if you have a detailed drawing of the critically endangered Baw Baw?
Probably, says Sir Frederick dismissively. But do, rather, take a look at the Pobblebonk.
Gaius peers at the fine drawing of the Pobblebonk.
It is warty, and looks like a cane toad.
It looks like.....begins Gaius.
......a cane toad, says Sir Frederick. But it isn't. Here's the thing. The City of Melbourne wants to increase the understory habitat in Melbourne by 20 percent by 2026.
Good luck, says the Elegant Parrot. This place is a death trap.
Gaius looks at Sir Frederick to gauge his reaction.
Ha ha, laughs Sir Frederick. I said you were in the wrong room.
Go on, says Gaius.
The Council wants the public to vote for an emblematic species to represent Melbourne, says Sir Frederick. The nominees are: the Native Water Rat, the Pobblebonk, the Nocturnal Microbat, the White Skink and the Green Grocer Cicada. I favour the Pobblebonk.
I vote for the Green Grocer Cicada, says the Elegant Parrot. Green is best. I shall do all I can to see SHE gets elected.
Unfortunately for you, you won't be here, says Gaius. We head for the Baw Baw Plateau this afternoon.
So you intend to persist in this folly? says Sir Frederick. Do you realise how cold it will be? And the Baw Baws will all be inactive.
I am a Roman, says Gaius.
Humph! says Sir Frederick McCoy.
Sir Frederick McCoy sits in his grand office, waiting for his visitor, Gaius Plinius Secundus.
The famous Prodromus lies open on his desk, revealing a delicate and highly detailed drawing of a Pobblebonk.
He is hoping to get Gaius on side with a new project.
Knock knock.
Sir Frederick stands up. Opens the door of his office.
The two famous men regard one another.
Sir Frederick, natty dresser, reddish Dundreary whiskers, peppery when thwarted.
And Gaius, porridge stains on his shirt, smelling faintly of sardines, a parrot on his shoulder, in a good temper this morning.
Hello! says the Elegant Parrot, before either famous man can speak. Forgive me for being here, but I was not allowed into the Dinosaur Walk, for some unexplained reason. I can only think....
I can only think, says Sir Frederick, that whoever it was thought you ought to be in Live Exhibits.
Instead, she is here, says Gaius. But no matter. She has little interest in dinosaurs.
Being a female, says the Elegant Parrot. We like feathers and whatnot.
Ho ho, says Sir Frederick. Better not let my younger staff members hear that.
Now, says Gaius, time is pressing. I see you have the Prodromus. May I ask if you have a detailed drawing of the critically endangered Baw Baw?
Probably, says Sir Frederick dismissively. But do, rather, take a look at the Pobblebonk.
Gaius peers at the fine drawing of the Pobblebonk.
It is warty, and looks like a cane toad.
It looks like.....begins Gaius.
......a cane toad, says Sir Frederick. But it isn't. Here's the thing. The City of Melbourne wants to increase the understory habitat in Melbourne by 20 percent by 2026.
Good luck, says the Elegant Parrot. This place is a death trap.
Gaius looks at Sir Frederick to gauge his reaction.
Ha ha, laughs Sir Frederick. I said you were in the wrong room.
Go on, says Gaius.
The Council wants the public to vote for an emblematic species to represent Melbourne, says Sir Frederick. The nominees are: the Native Water Rat, the Pobblebonk, the Nocturnal Microbat, the White Skink and the Green Grocer Cicada. I favour the Pobblebonk.
I vote for the Green Grocer Cicada, says the Elegant Parrot. Green is best. I shall do all I can to see SHE gets elected.
Unfortunately for you, you won't be here, says Gaius. We head for the Baw Baw Plateau this afternoon.
So you intend to persist in this folly? says Sir Frederick. Do you realise how cold it will be? And the Baw Baws will all be inactive.
I am a Roman, says Gaius.
Humph! says Sir Frederick McCoy.
Sunday, June 5, 2016
Time Slips Away
Night time. Grizel's kitchen smells of sardines.
Scissors are not the ideal tool to open a sardine tin ( the ring pull was broken ).
Splurt! Sardine oil splattered everywhere.
And was not entirely wiped up.
But no one is now in the kitchen.
Tick, tock. The clock ticks the seconds. A pale beam of moonlight falls through the window upon a framed version of 'If I was a Light Bulb' ( or whatever it was ) with musical notation, on faded paper.
In her dark bedroom, Grizel is sleeping.
In the lighter spare bedroom, Katherine is too.
In the study, Gaius, Sweezus and Arthur lie stiffly on lumpy cushions.
You asleep? whispers Arthur.
No, says Gaius. There's a tune going round in my head.
Yeah? Was it: Were no my heart light? says Sweezus.
Did you read the whole thing? Up on the wall in the kitchen? asks Arthur.
Yep, says Sweezus. I didn't get it. What's the titty?
It's a pap, says Gaius.
Yeah, but: He had a wee titty that loved na me? says Sweezus.
Arthur stifles a laugh.
I must admit, says Gaius, that had me puzzled. I shall ask Grizel in the morning.
I wouldn't, says Sweezus.
Terence emerges from under his warm tam o' shanter jacket, along with the Elegant Parrot.
A titty is a bird, says the Elegant Parrot.
See! says Terence. I was just about to tell you.
I don't see, says Sweezus. Because the titty gets Johnny into trouble with his mother. Then, on the wedding day the titty tops herself. And Johnny goes back to sea.
Why could it not be a bird? says the Elegant Parrot. They could all be.
Seeing we're awake, says Gaius, we might make plans for tomorrow. Who's coming to the Museum?
Me! says Terence.
Terence, says Gaius. You are the only one I was not addressing.
Terence's face falls.
While Arthur and Sweezus have suddenly fallen asleep.....
........
In the morning, everyone sleeps in. Then it's porridge for breakfast.
Who doesn't like porridge?
I believe you're all going to the Museum, says Grizel.
Not me, says Terence.
Certainly you, says Grizel. There's a Dinosaur Walk on. I know all little boys love dinosaurs. They have seventeen skeletons of prehistoric animals on display in the Science and Life Gallery.
Yippee! says Terence, sticking his arms through his hat. I'm ready already!
Perhaps you and Katherine might take him, says Gaius. I shall be busy. But before I forget, I had to ask you something....what was it now?
Luckily he can't remember, which is probably for the best.
Time is slipping away from us.
And I don't know what the titty is either.
Scissors are not the ideal tool to open a sardine tin ( the ring pull was broken ).
Splurt! Sardine oil splattered everywhere.
And was not entirely wiped up.
But no one is now in the kitchen.
Tick, tock. The clock ticks the seconds. A pale beam of moonlight falls through the window upon a framed version of 'If I was a Light Bulb' ( or whatever it was ) with musical notation, on faded paper.
In her dark bedroom, Grizel is sleeping.
In the lighter spare bedroom, Katherine is too.
In the study, Gaius, Sweezus and Arthur lie stiffly on lumpy cushions.
You asleep? whispers Arthur.
No, says Gaius. There's a tune going round in my head.
Yeah? Was it: Were no my heart light? says Sweezus.
Did you read the whole thing? Up on the wall in the kitchen? asks Arthur.
Yep, says Sweezus. I didn't get it. What's the titty?
It's a pap, says Gaius.
Yeah, but: He had a wee titty that loved na me? says Sweezus.
Arthur stifles a laugh.
I must admit, says Gaius, that had me puzzled. I shall ask Grizel in the morning.
I wouldn't, says Sweezus.
Terence emerges from under his warm tam o' shanter jacket, along with the Elegant Parrot.
A titty is a bird, says the Elegant Parrot.
See! says Terence. I was just about to tell you.
I don't see, says Sweezus. Because the titty gets Johnny into trouble with his mother. Then, on the wedding day the titty tops herself. And Johnny goes back to sea.
Why could it not be a bird? says the Elegant Parrot. They could all be.
Seeing we're awake, says Gaius, we might make plans for tomorrow. Who's coming to the Museum?
Me! says Terence.
Terence, says Gaius. You are the only one I was not addressing.
Terence's face falls.
........
In the morning, everyone sleeps in. Then it's porridge for breakfast.
Who doesn't like porridge?
I believe you're all going to the Museum, says Grizel.
Not me, says Terence.
Certainly you, says Grizel. There's a Dinosaur Walk on. I know all little boys love dinosaurs. They have seventeen skeletons of prehistoric animals on display in the Science and Life Gallery.
Yippee! says Terence, sticking his arms through his hat. I'm ready already!
Perhaps you and Katherine might take him, says Gaius. I shall be busy. But before I forget, I had to ask you something....what was it now?
Luckily he can't remember, which is probably for the best.
Time is slipping away from us.
And I don't know what the titty is either.
Saturday, June 4, 2016
I Am Impervious
What's the matter, little chappie? asks Grizel Baillie.
THEY'VE got warm jackets, says Terence. What have I got?
Shorts, says the Elegant Parrot.
But Terence, dear, says Katherine. You don't need a warm jacket.
You should be impervious, says Sweezus.
I AM impervious, says Terence. And I imperviously need a warm jacket.
What a wonderful adverb, says Grizel. Just for that you deserve a warm jacket. Let me see what I've got in my wardrobe.
She leaves the kitchen, to search through her copious wardrobe.
Shorts, says Terence gloomily.
That reminds me, says Sweezus.
He gives the wrapped present to Arthur.
Arthur rips open the colourful dog wrapping paper and the washed board shorts drop out.
Melted Lo Tides. Plain blue on one leg, orange fireballs on the other.
Hey, says Arthur. Thanks! I needed a new pair.
He sniffs them, for some reason.
It's okay. Lauren washed them, says Sweezus.
So, they're not new, says Arthur.
Yeah, but they kind of are, says Sweezus.
Arthur resolves to get to the bottom of the story, but just then Grizel re-enters the kitchen.
How will this do? She holds up a plaid Tam o' shanter.
Woo, says Terence. Is it a jacket?
It's a tammy! says Katherine. What a nice one! Grizel, where did you get it?
It was daddie's, says Grizel. But I don't really need it. I shall never forget my dear daddie.
Oh yes, your daddie, says Katherine. Didn't you and he do something brave?
Indeed, says Grizel. I was only twelve when I used to take daddie's letters to a Scottish conspirator in the Rye House plot, Robert Baillie.
Woo, says Terence.
Did you marry him? asks the Elegant Parrot.
This is not such a stupid question. Her name is Baillie.
No, scoffs Grizel. It was his son George that I married. We fell in love when I was twelve and married several years later, upon my insistence.
Romantic. But who can believe it?
It's got one BIG HOLE, says Terence.
I beg your pardon? says Grizel Baillie.
No armholes, says Terence.
Oh, he means the tammy, says Katherine.
I'll get the scissors, says Grizel. Now.... where are they?
I'm still using them, says Gaius, stabbing at a sardine tin.
THEY'VE got warm jackets, says Terence. What have I got?
Shorts, says the Elegant Parrot.
But Terence, dear, says Katherine. You don't need a warm jacket.
You should be impervious, says Sweezus.
I AM impervious, says Terence. And I imperviously need a warm jacket.
What a wonderful adverb, says Grizel. Just for that you deserve a warm jacket. Let me see what I've got in my wardrobe.
She leaves the kitchen, to search through her copious wardrobe.
Shorts, says Terence gloomily.
That reminds me, says Sweezus.
He gives the wrapped present to Arthur.
Arthur rips open the colourful dog wrapping paper and the washed board shorts drop out.
Melted Lo Tides. Plain blue on one leg, orange fireballs on the other.
Hey, says Arthur. Thanks! I needed a new pair.
He sniffs them, for some reason.
It's okay. Lauren washed them, says Sweezus.
So, they're not new, says Arthur.
Yeah, but they kind of are, says Sweezus.
Arthur resolves to get to the bottom of the story, but just then Grizel re-enters the kitchen.
How will this do? She holds up a plaid Tam o' shanter.
Woo, says Terence. Is it a jacket?
It's a tammy! says Katherine. What a nice one! Grizel, where did you get it?
It was daddie's, says Grizel. But I don't really need it. I shall never forget my dear daddie.
Oh yes, your daddie, says Katherine. Didn't you and he do something brave?
Indeed, says Grizel. I was only twelve when I used to take daddie's letters to a Scottish conspirator in the Rye House plot, Robert Baillie.
Woo, says Terence.
Did you marry him? asks the Elegant Parrot.
This is not such a stupid question. Her name is Baillie.
No, scoffs Grizel. It was his son George that I married. We fell in love when I was twelve and married several years later, upon my insistence.
Romantic. But who can believe it?
It's got one BIG HOLE, says Terence.
I beg your pardon? says Grizel Baillie.
No armholes, says Terence.
Oh, he means the tammy, says Katherine.
I'll get the scissors, says Grizel. Now.... where are they?
I'm still using them, says Gaius, stabbing at a sardine tin.
Friday, June 3, 2016
If I Was A Light Bulb I'd Die
Arthur has good negotiating skills.
He and Gaius walk out of Kathmandu with three jackets, none of which they have paid for.
Other than a trifling deposit.
All they have to do is document their trip to the icy regions, to save the Baw Baw Frog from extinction, WEARING THE BRANDED JACKETS. And post it on You Tube with credits.
After which, they will return the jackets in good order.
A great coup.
Sweezus has sent Arthur a text with the Carlton address.
Grattan Place, Carlton.
They head over there.
This is most convenient, says Gaius. So near the Museum.
They knock on the door, which a well preserved lady opens.
Hello! says the well preserved lady in an Edinburgh accent. You must be Gaius and Arthur. I'm Grizel Baillie. Come in! Katherine and Sweezus and the little boy and the parrot are in the kitchen, having some supper. Will you join them? Here, let me hang up those jackets. What beautiful jackets! I do like bright orange. So easy to spot in the snow.......
Dear lady, says Gaius, I must thank you for your hospitality. What is for supper?
Tomato soup, says Katherine.
Gaius is aghast.
They go into the kitchen.
Oh hello boys! says Katherine. Isn't this nice! I see you've already met Grizel my old school friend. Arthur, I told her you were a poet.
Thanks, says Arthur. Any particular reason?
SHE'S a poet, cries Terence She wrote a song in Scottish. If I was a light bulb I'd die.
No, dear says Grizel. You've got it wrong. Not if I was a light bulb. Were no my heart light I wad die.
She takes two more bowls out of the cupboard. Starts spooning tomato soup in.
Madam, says Gaius, I must abstain from your tomato soup, as I believe tomatoes are poison.
Good heavens! says Grizel. What a liability. Come and check out my pantry. We'll find something.
She leads Gaius into her pantry, to look for something less toxic.
Did you buy Sweezus a warm jacket? asks Katherine.
Yes, says Arthur.
How much was it? asks Katherine. I must settle up.
One hundred and sixty eight dollars, says Arthur.
Shit a brick! says Sweezus.
That was with forty percent off, says Arthur.
Let's see it, says Katherine. Oh that is LOVELY! Let me feel it. So light and warm. Is it down? What a beautiful colour.
Sunset, says Arthur. We've all got the same. Where we're going, we need to be able to see one another in the distance.
Without knowing which one we are, says the Elegant Parrot.
Ha ha! says Terence. I get it. That's funny!
Katherine slips Arthur two hundred dollars.
Keep the change dear, says Katherine. You never know when you might need a few extra dollars.
Arthur pockets the cash.
Gaius emerges from Grizel's pantry with a can of sardines.
Terence starts wailing. HE didn't get a warm jacket.
Wah! Why didn't I get one?
He and Gaius walk out of Kathmandu with three jackets, none of which they have paid for.
Other than a trifling deposit.
All they have to do is document their trip to the icy regions, to save the Baw Baw Frog from extinction, WEARING THE BRANDED JACKETS. And post it on You Tube with credits.
After which, they will return the jackets in good order.
A great coup.
Sweezus has sent Arthur a text with the Carlton address.
Grattan Place, Carlton.
They head over there.
This is most convenient, says Gaius. So near the Museum.
They knock on the door, which a well preserved lady opens.
Hello! says the well preserved lady in an Edinburgh accent. You must be Gaius and Arthur. I'm Grizel Baillie. Come in! Katherine and Sweezus and the little boy and the parrot are in the kitchen, having some supper. Will you join them? Here, let me hang up those jackets. What beautiful jackets! I do like bright orange. So easy to spot in the snow.......
Dear lady, says Gaius, I must thank you for your hospitality. What is for supper?
Tomato soup, says Katherine.
Gaius is aghast.
They go into the kitchen.
Oh hello boys! says Katherine. Isn't this nice! I see you've already met Grizel my old school friend. Arthur, I told her you were a poet.
Thanks, says Arthur. Any particular reason?
SHE'S a poet, cries Terence She wrote a song in Scottish. If I was a light bulb I'd die.
No, dear says Grizel. You've got it wrong. Not if I was a light bulb. Were no my heart light I wad die.
She takes two more bowls out of the cupboard. Starts spooning tomato soup in.
Madam, says Gaius, I must abstain from your tomato soup, as I believe tomatoes are poison.
Good heavens! says Grizel. What a liability. Come and check out my pantry. We'll find something.
She leads Gaius into her pantry, to look for something less toxic.
Did you buy Sweezus a warm jacket? asks Katherine.
Yes, says Arthur.
How much was it? asks Katherine. I must settle up.
One hundred and sixty eight dollars, says Arthur.
Shit a brick! says Sweezus.
That was with forty percent off, says Arthur.
Let's see it, says Katherine. Oh that is LOVELY! Let me feel it. So light and warm. Is it down? What a beautiful colour.
Sunset, says Arthur. We've all got the same. Where we're going, we need to be able to see one another in the distance.
Without knowing which one we are, says the Elegant Parrot.
Ha ha! says Terence. I get it. That's funny!
Katherine slips Arthur two hundred dollars.
Keep the change dear, says Katherine. You never know when you might need a few extra dollars.
Arthur pockets the cash.
Gaius emerges from Grizel's pantry with a can of sardines.
Terence starts wailing. HE didn't get a warm jacket.
Wah! Why didn't I get one?
By Dint Of The Force Of His Personality
Six fifty. The Overland train is on time.
Gaius looks at his time piece.
Six fifty. Six fifty?
What time does the Museum shut? Five.
Drat, says Gaius. I haven't thought this through very well.
What's up? says Arthur.
They are now in the street with their bikes.
I was planning to catch up with Sir Frederick, says Gaius. At the Melbourne Museum. Old friend of mine.
Call him, says Arthur. He might invite us to dinner.
I don't have his number, says Gaius. He won't have a phone.
We can go shopping, says Arthur. For warm jackets. What time does the Museum open tomorrow?
Ten, I suppose, says Gaius. Dear me, this is holding us up. But I really would like to see Sir Frederick. He's an expert in frogs. Wrote the Prodromus, you know. Moulded the Museum by dint of the force of his personality. You'll like him.
Okay, says Arthur. Kathmandu?
What? says Gaius, still thinking about the Prodromus.
Kathmandu, says Arthur. They've got a sale on. Where's Elizabeth Street? No, wait, don't tell me.
Amazing. Arthur has still got some charge in his phone and he knows how to use it.
Soon he and Gaius are entering Kathmandu in Elizabeth Street. They do have a sale on. Forty percent off branded gear. They head for the jackets.
Ring ring! Arthur has the same pedestrian ring tone as Sweezus.
Hello?
Arthur? Where are you?
In Kathmandu.
Fuck! I though you were heading to Melbourne!
I am in Melbourne. Gaius is buying us jackets.
Cool! Buy me one as well. Katherine'll pay when we get there. Yeah, she offered....
Okay. Where are you staying?
Dunno where I'm staying. What? Oh awesome, thanks Katherine. I'm staying with her at her friend's house.
We need somewhere to stay too, the Museum is shut now.
Come over. It's somewhere in Carlton. I'll text you the address. Bring the jacket.
Gaius looks at the jackets with gathering scorn. Ridiculous. Beyond ridiculous. One hundred and sixty seven dollars for a Heli Men's Lightweight Down Jacket V2, Sunset. And that's with forty percent off.
Perhaps he and Arthur can share one.
But he has not factored in Arthur, who has already gone to the counter with three.
Gaius looks at his time piece.
Six fifty. Six fifty?
What time does the Museum shut? Five.
Drat, says Gaius. I haven't thought this through very well.
What's up? says Arthur.
They are now in the street with their bikes.
I was planning to catch up with Sir Frederick, says Gaius. At the Melbourne Museum. Old friend of mine.
Call him, says Arthur. He might invite us to dinner.
I don't have his number, says Gaius. He won't have a phone.
We can go shopping, says Arthur. For warm jackets. What time does the Museum open tomorrow?
Ten, I suppose, says Gaius. Dear me, this is holding us up. But I really would like to see Sir Frederick. He's an expert in frogs. Wrote the Prodromus, you know. Moulded the Museum by dint of the force of his personality. You'll like him.
Okay, says Arthur. Kathmandu?
What? says Gaius, still thinking about the Prodromus.
Kathmandu, says Arthur. They've got a sale on. Where's Elizabeth Street? No, wait, don't tell me.
Amazing. Arthur has still got some charge in his phone and he knows how to use it.
Soon he and Gaius are entering Kathmandu in Elizabeth Street. They do have a sale on. Forty percent off branded gear. They head for the jackets.
Ring ring! Arthur has the same pedestrian ring tone as Sweezus.
Hello?
Arthur? Where are you?
In Kathmandu.
Fuck! I though you were heading to Melbourne!
I am in Melbourne. Gaius is buying us jackets.
Cool! Buy me one as well. Katherine'll pay when we get there. Yeah, she offered....
Okay. Where are you staying?
Dunno where I'm staying. What? Oh awesome, thanks Katherine. I'm staying with her at her friend's house.
We need somewhere to stay too, the Museum is shut now.
Come over. It's somewhere in Carlton. I'll text you the address. Bring the jacket.
Gaius looks at the jackets with gathering scorn. Ridiculous. Beyond ridiculous. One hundred and sixty seven dollars for a Heli Men's Lightweight Down Jacket V2, Sunset. And that's with forty percent off.
Perhaps he and Arthur can share one.
But he has not factored in Arthur, who has already gone to the counter with three.
Wednesday, June 1, 2016
Nhill By Mouth
Six o'clock in the evening. Sweezus is driving. They will soon be in Nhill.
You do drive fast, dear, says Katherine. Do I smell burning?
Farm burn-offs, says Sweezus.
If you say so, says Katherine. By the way, I should have asked you before, do you have a licence?
Katherine, says Sweezus. Would I drive your car if I didn't?
Arthur did once, says Katherine, remembering.
Arthur would, says Sweezus. I've had a licence since I turned seventeen. Comes in useful.
I'm sure it does, says Katherine. Arthur might have found one useful as well. Are you meeting him in Melbourne?
Yep, says Sweezus.
Arthur's getting a present, says Terence.
What's that dear? asks Katherine
Terence is in the back seat, with the Elegant Parrot.
A present, says Terence. This is it here. And I know what's in it.
No, you don't, says Sweezus. And don't you dare open it. I paid a motza for the paper.
The wrapping paper is dogs. Dogs in colourful dog coats. The dog coats are all different. But the dogs are the same.
It's a paint set, says the Elegant Parrot. The paper's a clue.
No. It's a dog coat, says Terence. You picked the wrong clue.
Why would Arthur want a dog coat? asks Katherine.
He wouldn't, says Sweezus. Shall we stop in Nhill for a burger?
All right, says Katherine. I do feel peckish.
Sweezus pulls up in Nhill.
Now Sweezus and Katherine are sitting in the car eating burgers. The front window steams up.
So what is it, the present? asks Katherine.
Boardies, says Sweezus. Arthur needs a new pair.
Katherine is reminded of the time, a few years ago now, when she bought Arthur and Sweezus each a new pair of boardshorts.
She looks sideways at Sweezus, Not his face, lower. Good heavens The dear boy is still wearing the very same board shorts. She can faintly discern the worn orange tigers and threadbare black panthers of the once darkly etched pattern..
What a nice young man he is, buying new ones for Arthur, when he needs some himself.
Perhaps she should offer...... but no, it is winter, and they are heading for Melbourne. And who knows where after that? Arthur and Gaius were planning to go frog hunting on some god forsaken freezing cold plateau.....
So she doesn't.
But....
I wonder, says Katherine. Won't you both be cold?
Dunno, says Sweezus.
I'm cold, says Terence. I hope we find my lost hat in Melbourne.
You lost a hat? says the Elegant Parrot. What kind was it? No, don't tell me, Peruvian side flaps?
YES! cries Terence. You are the the best parrot I've ever had so far!
The only parrot, says Sweezus.
Katherine suppresses a smile.
You do drive fast, dear, says Katherine. Do I smell burning?
Farm burn-offs, says Sweezus.
If you say so, says Katherine. By the way, I should have asked you before, do you have a licence?
Katherine, says Sweezus. Would I drive your car if I didn't?
Arthur did once, says Katherine, remembering.
Arthur would, says Sweezus. I've had a licence since I turned seventeen. Comes in useful.
I'm sure it does, says Katherine. Arthur might have found one useful as well. Are you meeting him in Melbourne?
Yep, says Sweezus.
Arthur's getting a present, says Terence.
What's that dear? asks Katherine
Terence is in the back seat, with the Elegant Parrot.
A present, says Terence. This is it here. And I know what's in it.
No, you don't, says Sweezus. And don't you dare open it. I paid a motza for the paper.
The wrapping paper is dogs. Dogs in colourful dog coats. The dog coats are all different. But the dogs are the same.
It's a paint set, says the Elegant Parrot. The paper's a clue.
No. It's a dog coat, says Terence. You picked the wrong clue.
Why would Arthur want a dog coat? asks Katherine.
He wouldn't, says Sweezus. Shall we stop in Nhill for a burger?
All right, says Katherine. I do feel peckish.
Sweezus pulls up in Nhill.
Now Sweezus and Katherine are sitting in the car eating burgers. The front window steams up.
So what is it, the present? asks Katherine.
Boardies, says Sweezus. Arthur needs a new pair.
Katherine is reminded of the time, a few years ago now, when she bought Arthur and Sweezus each a new pair of boardshorts.
She looks sideways at Sweezus, Not his face, lower. Good heavens The dear boy is still wearing the very same board shorts. She can faintly discern the worn orange tigers and threadbare black panthers of the once darkly etched pattern..
What a nice young man he is, buying new ones for Arthur, when he needs some himself.
Perhaps she should offer...... but no, it is winter, and they are heading for Melbourne. And who knows where after that? Arthur and Gaius were planning to go frog hunting on some god forsaken freezing cold plateau.....
So she doesn't.
But....
I wonder, says Katherine. Won't you both be cold?
Dunno, says Sweezus.
I'm cold, says Terence. I hope we find my lost hat in Melbourne.
You lost a hat? says the Elegant Parrot. What kind was it? No, don't tell me, Peruvian side flaps?
YES! cries Terence. You are the the best parrot I've ever had so far!
The only parrot, says Sweezus.
Katherine suppresses a smile.
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