Red And Hairy

The Great White Teacher is gesticulating, says Louisa.

You go, says Sweezus, to Arthur.

Arthur paddles out to where the Great White Teacher is waiting.

Seaweed, says Great White Teacher. As promised.

Great, says Arthur. Where is it?

Fishfingers-me! says Great White Teacher. Must've dropped it!

Looks like it, says Arthur. 

No! There it is! says Great White Teacher.

The seaweed is floating away.

Arthur grabs it.

It's red and hairy.

Hope it tastes good, says Arthur. It doesn't look great.

Well obviously you have to make it flat and shiny, says Great White Teacher. I'll leave that to you.

Okay, says Arthur. We'll do some research. And not right away. We've got another job on.

No more time for surfing, grins Great White Teacher.

Can't start yet, says Arthur. So we'll be surfing until it gets dark.

Why can't you start yet? asks Great White Teacher. You have the seaweed and the tuna.

We lost the tuna, says Arthur. It protested about its role in the enterprise.

It wasn't dead? asks Great White Teacher.

No, says Arthur. And it suggested we use alternative fillings.

It WOULD, says Great White Teacher.

True, says Arthur. But then we got thinking. Maybe the tuna was right.

What fillings did it suggest? ask Great White Teacher.

Chocolate, says Arthur. So we thought we'd look into it.

Great White Teacher looks dubious.

You look dubious, says Arthur. We thought we'd ask other surfers what they thought.

Did you? says Great White Teacher. I suppose that makes sense. I hear chocolate is popular with humans.

Yes it is, says Arthur. We were surprised the tuna knew it. 

The tuna! says Great White Teacher. Which way did it go?

That way, says Arthur, pointing towards the horizon.

Great White Teacher shoots off like a rocket.

Not Dead, Stunned

Great White Teacher has landed a tuna.

It is tempting to eat it, but no.

He drags it to where Sweezus and Arthur are expecting a wave.

Here you are lads, says Great White Teacher. Filling for the sushi.

That was quick, says Sweezus.

I am quick, sys Great White Teacher. So are my boys. They're on their way back with the seaweed.

Cool, says Sweezus. Mind if we catch this?

(A good wave is coming).

Not at all, says Great White Teacher. Take the tuna in with you.

Too late, Sweezus and Arthur are moving shorewards, with the wave.

The tuna moves with them.

This could be dangerous.

Louisa is waiting.

Watch out! says Louisa, as the wave crashes prematurely.

Sweezus is knocked off his board by the flying tuna.

Arthur remains upright, 

He leads a charmed life.

A tuna! says Louisa. Is this the one for the sushi?

I guess so, says Arthur.

Sweezus stands up, retrieves his board and splashes in.

This tuna needs to be refrigerated, says Louisa.

Is it dead? asks Sweezus.

Of course it.... wait! says Louisa. No it might just be stunned.

The tuna spasms, flips sideways and stares at the sky.

Never mind, says Louisa. It's a silly idea anyway. We'd never go through with it.

What was it? asks the tuna.

You were supposed to be the filling for a new type of sushi, says Arthur. But you'd have to be dead.

Dead? says the tuna. You people eat the dead? That's disgusting.

It is when you think about it, says Louisa. There are other fillings for sushi. 

Like what? asks the tuna.

Asparagus, avocado, papaya, says Louisa. Spring onions. 

Chocolate? asks the tuna.

I don't think so, says Louisa. But you're free to go. Want a shove?

Yes thanks, says the tuna. 

Sweezus isn't happy.

He sees his safe surfing window disappearing.

Who Owns The Sea?

Good news and bad news, says Arthur.

It's the wrong sort of seaweed? says Louisa. 

It's being grown as cow fodder, says Arthur. And someone else owns it.

Then we're stuffed says Sweezus.

Not necessarily, says Arthur. Who owns the sea?

Yeah, fair enough, says Sweezus, but who wants to eat cow-fodder-wrapped sushi?

People who want to save the planet, says Arthur. Turns out it reduces burping and farting.

In cows, says Louisa.

Yeah but maybe in humans as well, says Sweezus. We might be onto something.

Cows have completely different stomachs, says Louisa.

A technicality, says Sweezus. This might be a goer. Is Great White Teacher still there?

I think so, says Arthur. 

Sweezus picks up his surfboard.

Is it safe out there? asks Louisa.

Yes, says Arthur. He's called off his boys.

He and Sweezus head down to the water, and paddle out a short distance.

Decision? says Great White Teacher.

Not yet, says Sweezus. We'd like a sample of the seaweed, Then we'll make prototype sushi, taste test it, and work out how we proceed from there.

Excellent, says Great White Teacher. I'll send the boys to grab a sample and bring it back.

Where is it growing? asks Sweezus.

Kingscote, says Great White Teacher.

Okay, says Sweezus. So, you won't mind if we surf while we're waiting?

Go ahead, says Great White Teacher. I'll catch us a tuna.

This is great! Surfing without harassment. Great White Teacher is off catching tuna, The boys are on their way to Kingscote, to obtain seaweed. Because who owns the sea?

Sweezus and Arthur sit waiting for a wave, dangling their toes in the water.

Remember Farky, says Sweezus.

Sure do says Arthur. 

Great White Teacher asked me how he was, says Sweezus.

What'd you say? asks Arthur.

I said he was history, says Sweezus. 

Well, he either is or he isn't, says Arthur. 

I can't help thinking about him, says Sweezus. Like, remember how everyone thought he was omniscient.

Yes, says Arthur. That was after he got the teeth implants.

Yeah, says Sweezus. That dog loved me.

You've got a knack, says Arthur. 

Except with birds, says Sweezus. 

A wave builds behind them, rises, folds over itself, breaks and leaves them bobbing.

Better pay attention, says Arthur.

Good advice, We should all pay attention. 

Even the tuna.

End To Worldwide Flatulence

Seaweed? says Louisa.

She has finished her bun.

She hands one to Sweezus.

Yeah, growing on ropes, says Sweezus. He reckons it's a cinch to get hold of.

You need to ask more questions, says Louisa. Like is it the right sort of seaweed? And who owns the ropes?

Probably just old ropes, says Sweezus, pulling the icing from the top of his bun.

He eats it.

You eat the icing first? says Arthur.

Yeah, says Sweezus. Then I eat the bun.

He eats the bun.

Uh. No butter.

No butter, says Arthur. Regretting it now?

A bit, says Sweezus. Anyway, what do you reckon?

Keep him talking, says Arthur. He won't send his boys in if we're in negotiation.

Cool, says Sweezus. Why don't you head down to the water and ask him some questions.

Sure, says Arthur. He gets up and goes.

Guess what I heard? says Louisa.

What? asks Sweezus.

The Tour Down Under's been cancelled, says Louisa.

Bummer, says Sweezus.

He licks his sticky fingers while he thinks what that means.

Arthur stands in the shallows. Great White Teacher beckons him to come in deeper.

How's the toe? asks Great White Teacher.

Blue, says Arthur. Not that you'd know.

Quite the opposite, says Great White Teacher. Everything's blue out here. 

This is not the answer Arthur expected.

About the sushi-making venture, says Arthur. We're interested, but we have a few questions.

Go ahead, says Great White Teacher. Is it about the seaweed? Don't worry, I've done my research.

Who owns the ropes? asks Arthur.

Technically, an American company, CH4 Global, says Great White Teacher. But CH4 SA is in charge of it here.

And you're an investor? asks Arthur.

Hey hey! laughs Great White Teacher. Who owns the sea?

I get you, says Arthur. Next question, what are they growing it for?

This might constitute a slight problem, says Great White Teacher.

Then we need to know what it is, says Arthur.

For cow fodder, says Great White Teacher. The idea is to reduce burping and flatulence world wide.

Okay, says Arthur. Thanks for your honesty. I'll consult with my colleague. I assume we won't be harassed in the meantime?

Of course not, says Great White Teacher.

He swims off, impressed with Arthur's negotiating skills, and confident they will reach an agreement.

Artisanal Sushi

Louisa waves at Arthur from the sand.

Come out! I've got antiseptic.

I don't really need it, says Arthur.

Come on, says Sweezus. I bet she's bought snacks.

They make their way out of the water.

Lucky you came out, says Louisa. There was a shark behind you.

Sweezus turns. 

The shark is now in the shallows.

Great White Teacher, says Sweezus.

You know him? asks Louisa.

Yeah, says Sweezus. Did you buy any snacks?

Three finger buns, says Louisa. 

Awesome, says Sweezus, sitting down on the sand.

Now you're all sandy, says Louisa. How're you going to eat it?

Shiz, says Sweezus. I hate eating sand.

Go and wash it off , says Louisa. You might find out what the shark wants.

I know what he wants, says Sweezus, walking off, still dripping.

Here, Arthur, says Louisa. Stick your toe up. Ooh, it's gone blue.

That's a good thing, says Arthur.

I don't think so, says Louisa. And look, teeth marks.

Where's my bun? asks Arthur.

She gives him a bun even though he too is sandy.

Down at the shore Sweezus is rinsing his hands.

How's your dog? asks Great White Teacher.

History, says Sweezus. 

Great White Teacher starts again.

About our old Sea Salt venture.....?

More history, says Sweezus. The market collapsed.

I thought as much, says Great White Teacher. You still owe me money. So I have a new proposition.

What? asks Sweezus.

This is hush-hush, says Great White Teacher, but I've located an easy source of seaweed. It's growing on ropes. So, I provide the seaweed and the tuna, you provide the rice, and boom, we have a business.

Freakin' labour intensive, says Sweezus.. 

What! No it isn't, says Great White Teacher. You just roll it up.

I've got to go and eat a bun, says Sweezus. 

You do that, says Great White Teacher. And while you're eating, think about this. My boys can make surfing very unpleasant.

Brilliant, says Sweezus. Artisanal sushi. Sounds like a winner. 

Sharks Don't See Blue

 Sweezus and Arthur wait for a big wave.

One is coming.

It's at least thirty seconds away.

How's the toe? asks Sweezus.

Arthur lifts one leg out of the water.

I can't feel it, says Arthur.

At least it's stopped bleeding, says Sweezus. 

It's blue, says Arthur. Is that good or bad?

Good, says Sweezus. Sharks don't see blue.

The wave comes, they catch it.

Two sharks surface behind them.

I saw it, says the first one. 

Me too, says the second. 

It looked familiar, says the first one.

The toe? So did the other guy's, says the second. 

Farky! says the first one. Remember when I took a bite out of Farky?

I'll never forget it, says the other.

That was his dog, says the first one. 

Let's alert Great White Teacher! says the second one.

They swim off.

Great White Teacher is not far away. 

They approach him.

Greetings, boys, says he. What news, if any?

Sweezus is back at Stokes Bay, Great Teacher, says the first one.

Good, says Great White Teacher. There was something I wanted to ask him. 

How his dog is? asks the second.

Not that, says Great Teacher. A business matter. What's this about his dog though?

Nothing! say the two sharks together.

Until You Lose It

 Sweezus arrives at Stokes Bay, having wheeled his bike through the gully.

Yes! He sees a couple of surfboards, and two figures, down there on the sand

He ditches the bike, and heads towards them.

Arthur is bleeding, from the toe.

Louisa is wrapping something round it.

What happened? asks Sweezus.

Shark, says Arthur. Don't worry. I've still got my toe.

Man! says Sweezus. You should've waited.

What for? asks Louisa.

Me, says Sweezus.

You're here now, says Arthur. Let's go back in.

Did you hire me a surfboard? asks Sweezus.

No we didn't says Louisa. You can borrow mine. I'm going to get some antiseptic from the café.

Cool, says Sweezus. Let's go.

Aren't you going to take off the hi viz vest and those trousers? asks Louisa.

Sure am, says Sweezus.

He rips off the vest, no worries, now for the pants. Better be cautious. He unzips and looks in.

Awesome, he's still wearing the boardies he wore in hotel quarantine.

The old tiger ones. With the egg stains.

Arthur stands up. Blood drips to the sand from his toe.

That'll bring the sharks back, says Louisa. So will those egg stains. You guys are nuts.

She heads off to find antiseptic.

Sweezus and Arthur pick up their boards and head for the surf, where sharks are lurking.

......

Meanwhile out to sea, somewhere due west, Captain Baudin and Saint Roley have become closer.

It has happened like this.

Captain Baudin started singing a song of Saint Malo.

De Saint-Malo j'avons parti, sur une frégate bien joli, pour aller attaquer les Anglais!

O! cries Saint Roley. That is the song of my brother!

He attacked the English? Baudin is astonished.

No, he sailed out from Saint-Malo on a vessel bien joli, says Saint Roley. And was never seen after.

What was the name of the vessel? asks Captain Baudin.

This Way Up, says Saint-Roley. Or a pointing finger, to that effect.

Don't tell me he relied on the finger! says Captain Baudin.

I believe so, says Saint Roley. He was inexperienced.

It's a hard life, says Captain Baudin. But it can be rewarding.

Until you lose it, says Saint Roley.

Until then, agrees Captain Baudin. That reminds me, should we be turning southward?

We should, says Saint Roley. 

If only your brother had had your sense of direction, says Captain Baudin.

He did, says Saint Roley.