Paw Paw Flaw

What d'ya reckon? asks Sweezus.

Reedy takes a second bite of the red hairy sushi.

Yeah.... says Reedy. It's okay. What's in the filling?

Something greasy, says Spogg. It's coated my palate.

Maybe that's the chocolate, says Sweezus.

Or the olive oil, says Louisa.

Nah, says Spogg, tastes like paw paw.

No way, says Sweezus. How about orange?

Yeah orange, says Spogg, but also paw paw.

Yeah, says Reedy.

Okay, but would you eat it again? asks Sweezus. 

I don't reckon, says Spogg. Have you got any water?

Here, says Louisa, offering him some water.

He drinks.

I can't understand why it tasted of paw paw, says Louisa.

Um, says Arthur. There's paw paw ointment in my pocket.

Where the thermometer was! says Louisa. I asked you to wash it!

I washed it, says Arthur. But it's greasy. It might not have come off.

What's this got to do with the sushi? asks Reedy.

I'm awfully sorry, says Louisa, but the filling oozed out on our way here and I pushed it back in with Arthur's thermometer which was contaminated by paw paw ointment in his pocket.

Epic fail! says Spogg. Burrrp!

Even more epic fail, says Reedy. Wasn't it supposed to stop you burping and farting?

That was cows, says Sweezus.

Great, says Reedy. 

I didn't fart, to be fair, says Spogg.

Paino Shocklat

Meanwhile, Sweezus, Arthur and Louisa have arrived at Stokes Bay.

Where are they? asks Louisa. 

Maybe that's them out there, says Sweezus. I'll paddle out and see.

Okay, says Louisa. Tell them it's best eaten fresh.

Maybe don't tell them, says Arthur.

Yes, maybe don't, says Louisa. Let's check it.

She unwraps the red hairy sushi. 

Chocolate tapenade oozes out from both ends of the roll.

Give it here, says Arthur. You go, bro.

Yeah I'll go, says Sweezus. You fix the filling.

Sweezus paddles out to the break.

Got a knife? asks Louisa.

Got a thermometer, says Arthur.

He pulls out the thermometer, which glints in the sunshine.

But not as much as might be expected, if it were clean.

Yuck, says Louisa. Go and wash it.

So that is what is happening when Saint Roley flies in.

He flies over Sweezus who has not yet reached Spogg and Reedy.

He lands next to Arthur, who is washing the thermometer.

Hello, says Saint Roley. How did they like it?

They haven't tried it yet, says Arthur. The filling's oozed out.

Ah, says Saint Roley, and you're washing the thermometer because?

It was dirty, says Arthur. And Louisa wants to use it to poke the filling back in.

Better hurry, says Saint Roley. They're coming.

Arthur looks up.

They are.

Want me to delay them? asks Saint Roley.

Yes, says Arthur. We could use a few extra minutes.

He wipes the thermometer on his shorts, and heads back to Louisa.

Saint Roley flies out over the water and lands on the blunt end of Sweezus's board.

Shit! says Sweezus. 

It's me, says Saint Roley. Are these your surfing friends?

Yeah, says Sweezus. Reedy, Spogg, this is Saint Roley.

You're kidding, says Spogg.

No, says Sweezus. I've known him for like, ever. He's French. From Saint Malo.

No way! says Reedy. Bonjon!

There is no such French as bonjon, says Saint Roley. 

What? says Reedy. I remember bonjon from year eight. It means like hello or something.

Nah, says Spogg. That's bonjoo. Bonjon is like a croissant with jam and cream. They have them for breakfast.

Rarely, says Saint Roley. It's more likely to be pain au chocolat.

Hear that? says Reedy. Paino shocklat.

Well it was nice to meet you, says Saint Roley. I mustn't delay you. Were you heading in for lunch? I smell something wafting over the waves.

Yeah, says Sweezus. That'll be our new revised sushi.

I'm starving, says Reedy.

Enjoy, says Saint Roley. 

They paddle to shore, where Louisa has done a great job of remoulding the sushi.

 

Three Spelling Errors

This mood stone, says Victor. You say it came from the chemist?

Yes, says Terence. But he wasn't a chemist.

Never mind that, says Victor. It's evidence. I shall have to seize it.

You already have, says Terence.

I mean officially, says Victor. It's going in this plastic bag with the thermometer.

No gloves? says Gaius.

Too late for gloves, says Victor. I've been holding the mood stone for several minutes. What does it mean when it's green?

Mixed emotions, says Gaius. Which is a bit of a cop out.

Now you're being funny, says Victor.

Not at all... oh....yes....ha ha, laughs Gaius. A cop out. However what I meant was, it's not specified which emotions are mixed.

I should say, at this moment, frustration, exasperation, bamboozlement and calm, says Victor.

Calm? says Gaius. That's a fine one.

Police training, says Victor. Now am I correct in thinking there were two thermometers and Arthur has the other one and that Arthur has gone to Stokes Bay?

Your police training is impeccable, says Gaius. 

Then I shall go to Stokes Bay to interview Arthur, says Victor. 

Can I come? asks Terence.

We'll both come, says Gaius. We've no reason to stay.

Very well, says Victor. Are you ready to leave right away?

Yes, says Terence. No! Can we bring Baby-Glossy?

Certainly not, says Gaius. Especially now he's in two separate pieces.

Just one piece of him? asks Terence.

Jumping Jupiter! says Gaius. Let the poor little chap rest in peace!

Agreed, says Victor. You cover him with dirt while I write a few notes in my notebook.

He writes: Evidence siezed: One themometer, one mood stone of inderterminate colour.

Three spelling errors! Don't blame me. Blame Victor.

Gaius reburies Baby-Glossy.

Terence watches him do it.

I've lost EVERYTHING! says Terence. Baby-Glossy, two Ears, and Peut-être. And even my mood stone.

You may get the stone back, says Victor. If I discover it wasn't stolen, you may request it in writing.

Wah! cries Terence. I can't do writing.

I'll do the writing, says Gaius. And I'm sure Saint Roley will act as your temporary parrot until you find another.

He won't, says Terence.

He will, says Gaius, firmly.

So Terence is happy. Very happy. If he were holding the mood stone, and if he were not made of cement, it would surely turn from green back to purple.

Control Bird

 Wah! cries Terence. You cut Baby-Glossy in half!

You buried Baby-Glossy? says Victor.

He had died, says Gaius. 

In what circumstances? asks Victor.

Never mind, says Gaius.

It was an accident, says Terence. 

Let me be the judge of that, says Victor. You know he was endangered?

No need to be funny, says Gaius.

I was not....begins Victor.

He was only in danger at the last minute, says Terence. Just before my foot squashed him.

You stepped on Baby-Glossy, says Victor. At the very least, that was clumsy.

I was getting something for Gaius, says Terence.

I might have known, says Victor. What was it?

This line of questioning will get you nowhere, says Gaius. I suggest you ask Terence about the cleaner who gave him the mood stone that you uncovered.

We thought he was the chemist, says Terence.

This mood stone? asks Victor.  

He is still holding it. It is no longer purple, but green, which suggests mixed emotions.

Yes, says Terence. It changes colour. Look, it's turned green! I made it go purple when I was sad about killing Baby-Glossy but mainly it stays brown for me, that's why I was doing the experiment.

Oh yes, what is this experiment? asks Victor.

He is not a good policeman. He has missed the clue about the cleaner.

I made it up, says Terence. Gaius said I could. 

What is it? asks Victor. Is there a hypothesis?

No, says Terence. A thermometer and a mood stone and a dead parrot.

I imagine there is a hypothesis, says Gaius. I told him that the colour of the mood stone could be related to temperature.

So he buried it, says Victor. Why on top of the bird?

I imagine the bird is the control, says Gaius. Being dead, it has no emotions, and is the same temperature as the earth.

Not if it is the process of decomposing, says Victor.

You have certainly helped that along, says Gaius.

Terence looks down into the hole, at the two parts of Baby-Glossy.

Two parts. It's not that bad really.

Baby-Glossy is two with the earth.

Damn No Gloves

Step away, says Victor.

What is? asks Terence.

What is what? asks Victor.

A step away, says Terence.

I am asking you to step away from that thermometer, says Victor.

This way? asks Terence, stepping backwards.

That way will be fine, says Victor. Now where did that thermometer come from?

The kitchen, says Terence.

Before that, says Victor.

Arthur had it, says Terence.

Aha! Victor makes a note of the statement.

And why are you burying it? asks Victor.

It's an experiment, says Terence. 

A cover-up more likely, says Victor.

Yes, a cover-up, says Terence. You are a smart policeman.

You admit it's a cover-up, says Victor.

You said it was, says Terence. 

So did you, says Victor.

But what is it covering up? asks Terence. Not this thermometer.

There are others? asks Victor, making more notes.

No, says Terence. No more thermometers. 

Victor seizes the trowel that Gaius has left near the burial mound in which the thermometer is sticking.

He removes the thermometer and places it in a plastic bag that he keeps handy for evidence.

Damn, says Victor. No gloves.

What's this? asks Gaius, who has given up on the brown falcon.

I've contaminated the evidence, says Victor.

What was it? asks Gaius.

A thermometer, says Victor.

Terence, did you take that thermometer from the kitchen table? asks Gaius.

Yes, says Terence. For my experiment.

So he claims, says Victor. But he has also admitted it's part of a cover-up.

Ha ha, laughs Gaius. It is. Why don't you start digging.

Victor starts digging. 

Ding! He encounters the mood stone.

He seizes the mood stone, which turns purple.

He is either very sad or very happy.

What have we here! cries Victor, triumphant.

(very happy)

Terence's experiment, says Gaius. Let him explain it. 

Victor keeps digging.

He believes he is about to discover a cache of stolen thermometers.

Any minute....

Swersh! The trowel slices right through dead Baby-Glossy.

Who Has Not Yet Become

Terence is playing with his mood stone, which has reverted to brown.

Brown again, is it? says Gaius.

Yes, says Terence. I've lost all my feelings.

I believe it has more to do with temperature, than your feelings, says Gaius. Why don't you try an experiment?

Okay, says Terence. What will it be?

You must think up your own experiment, says Gaius.

Okay, says Terence. Leave it to me.

He goes back into the kitchen and takes the thermometer from the table.

He returns to the garden.

Gaius is squinting at the sky.

Did he just see....or didn't he.... a brown falcon?

Terence goes across to the burial mound, where lies Baby Glossy.

He pokes a hole in the dirt.

Yerk! what's that soft thing?

Must be dead Baby-Glossy, who has not yet become one with the garden.

He shortens the hole, by sprinkling more dirt on dead Baby-Glossy.

He places his mood stone on top of the newly sprinkled dirt.

Then he fills the hole in.

Now he sticks the thermometer into the dirt he has just filled the hole with.

It seems, to Terence, to be an excellent experiment.

He has just finished setting it up when Victor the policeman arrives.

Good morning, Gaius, says Victor. Where is Sweezus?

Gone to Stokes Bay, says Gaius. So has Arthur. But not before they explained to me the entire situation.

So you know Sweezus is a suspect, says Victor.

Sweezus has an alibi. He was here all the time, says Gaius. It was Arthur who....

Arthur isn't a suspect, says Victor.

Perhaps he should be, says Gaius. If you did your job properly, you would know that Arthur went to the chemist this morning and returned with two thermometers, one of which is on the table in the kitchen, for you to recover.

What about the other one? asks Victor.

He plans to pay for it later, says Gaius.

Oh does he? says Victor. Well, he is now a suspect. And it's not just two thermometers that are missing.

So I hear, says Gaius. But Arthur did not take them.

How do you know? asks Victor. You weren't there.

Terence was with him, says Gaius. Ask Terence.

Victor goes over to Terence.

Aha! What have we here?

It appears to Victor, (and who can blame him?), that Terence is attempting to bury the evidence.

Un By Un

Can you write my poem down? asks Terence.

All right, says Gaius. What is it?

Titty laritty tonton, says Terence. That's the first line.

Very good, says Gaius. That evokes Baby-Glossy for us in a musical manner.

He writes: Titty laritty tonton.

Next line? How about: now that Baby-Glossy has gone?

Where has he gone? asks Terence.

Perhaps not, says Gaius. The rhyme comes too early.

But where has he gone? asks Terence.

I buried him over there, says Gaius.

In the DIRT? says Terence.

Of course in the dirt, says Gaius. He will decompose and become one with the garden.

He won't like that, says Terence.

He will, says Gaius. Now, you think about the next line while I bird-spot.

Gaius settles back on the bench and looks up at the sky.

What luck! Two rainbow bee eaters!

In search of bees, doubtless.

He writes down the Latin name, being that sort of person.

Terence stomps over to the dirt spot where Baby-Glossy is buried.

He addresses the ex-baby-parrot directly:

Titty laritty tonton

I'm sorry, Baby-Glossy.

Sorry I squashed you

Because you were there 

When my feet came down 

Because Gaius asked me

To get him the notebook

So it was really his fault.

Now you're not going anywhere.

You will be one with the garden.

I'll tell you what that means

Your bits will drop off.

Un by un.

Un by un! says Gaius That is most fitting! I have recorded it, verbatim, in my notebook, never mind that it follows my list of birds recently spotted, including the purple crested lorikeets and the rainbow bee eaters, or should I say the.....

( he continues, mainly in Latin ).