Skydiving In A....

Heard from Henriette? asks Gaius.

Not yet, says Denis. I've just sent her an email.

Your lady love? asks Captain Baudin.

A correspondent, says Denis.

A female, says Gaius, finishing his hot toddy.

Have another? asks Captain Baudin.

I will, thank you, says Gaius. 

And I'll have another, says Denis.

Captain Baudin goes inside and returns with three hot toddies, includimg one for himself.

What about me? asks Terence.

Why don't you go down the path and see if Ageless is coming, says Captain Baudin.

Okay, says Terence.

Denis takes a sip of his toddy before checking his emails.

Bien alors! He has received a reply.

So Denis, you've been thinking of me. I landed feet first, and kept running. I may go up again. I have this fantasy. I'm skydiving in a.... no, I won't tell you. You have your own fantasies. A lobster in a sea captain's hat, handing out hot toddies. How many have you had?

Humph! says Denis.

Did she go skydiving? asks Gaius.

She did, replies Denis.

A skydiving woman, says Captain Baudin, looking skywards.

She's in Brisbane, says Denis.

I was not looking for her, says Captain Baudin. I was using my imagination. How are her legs?

What do you mean how are her legs? asks Denis.

Legs are what you see first, says  Captain Baudin. 

Depends where you're standing, says Gaius.

As a matter of interest, says Denis, imagine you're her.

Both Captain Baudin and Gaius try to do it.

Now, says Denis. Complete this sentence: I'm skydiving in a....

Is that it? asks Gaius.

That's it, says Denis.

I'm skydiving in a clear blue sky says Gaius. 

Try something more fantastic, says Denis.

A clear blue sky full of chickens, says Gaius. How's that? What is the point of this exercise?

Perhaps Denis wants something more erotic, says Captain Baudin. 

Not necessarily, says Denis. 

I'm skydiving in a voluminous blue skirt, says Captain Baudin. As I float downwards it blows up like a balloon around me. I cannot see. My legs paddle wildly. How will I excecute a safe landing?

Very good! applauds Gaius. I see it all clearly.

Denis sees it all clearly as well.

Hence The Gull

Captain Baudin brings out a tray of hot toddies.

He is wearing his sea captain's hat.

Your hat! says Gaius. That's why I didn't recognise you at once. 

I don't always wear it, says Baudin. 

Denis reaches out to take a hot toddy.

Not that one, says Captain Baudin. That's for Terence.

Denis takes another one, and sips it.

Gaius takes a third.

It tastes of mainly of lemon and honey.

Gaius coughs.

So does Denis.

Hot toddies are good for coughs, says Captain Baudin.

Will I cough? asks Terence.

We shall see, says Captain Baudin. Try this one. I made it specially.

Terence picks up his hot toddy and takes a big gulp.

Nothing happens.

He wishes it would.

A giant cough, louder than anyone else's. Or a giant fart, even better.

This is good, says Gaius. I hope you went light on the whisky.

Pas du tout, says Captain Baudin.

Denis makes a face that shows he knows what pas du tout means.

But is prepared to overlook any consequences.

He squints out to sea.

Is that Roo-kai flying towards them?

No it isn't. It's a gull, gliding on the wind gracefully.

He remembers that he has not heard back from Henriette.

What was she doing?

Something with a parachute. Dangerous. He ought to try and make contact.

Anyone care for another? asks Captain Baudin.

Me, says Terence. The first one's not working.

What were you expecting? asks Captain Baudin.

Coughing, says Terence.

That's the initial effect of the whisky, says Baudin. Which you didn't have. After that, it's supposed to stop coughing, not start it.

Useful, if the toxic bloom should arrive in Point Lowly, says Gaius. 

I'm keeping an eye out, says Captin Baudin. No toxic bloom yet.

Good news, says Gaius. Hear that, Denis?

But Denis is busy composing an email to Henriette:

I have just seen a gull, gliding. A lobster in a sea captain's hat made me a hot toddy. He lives in a light house. Hence the gull. I have not heard from you since you went skydiving. I try to imagine you landing.  Denis.

He thinks twice, three times, about watching her landing. 

She may not like him imagining her landing. 

No. 

He deletes the sentence about landing, before pressing send.

Hot Toddy

Do we know where Ageless will be? asks Denis.

Roo-kai will tell us, says Gaius.

And where will we be? asks Denis.

Wherever we are when he comes back to tell us, says Gaius.

They have just cycled past the turn-off to the Point Lowly Campground.

So, not there, says Denis. 

We may have to go back to the campground, says Gaius. But for now I suggest we keep going.

They cycle past the turn-off to the Point Lowly Marina.

But they have not seen or heard from Rookai.

So they keep going.

I see a lighthouse! says Terence.

Ah! says Gaius. That may be where Ageless is waiting.

They cycle towards the Point Lowly Lighthouse.

Arrive. Dismount. Lean their bikes against the curved white wall of the lighthouse.

Ageless! shouts Terence.

Who is it that wants him? rasps a French lobstery voice. 

We are his friends, says Denis. We want him.

I too am his friend, says the French lobstery voice.

The voice comes round to the front of the lighthouse.

It's Captain Nicolas Baudin.

Don't I know you? asks Gaius.

And don't I know you? says Captain Baudin.

Gaius Secundus. says Gaius. Natural historian.  I know several lobsters , but they all look the same.

I DO know you, says Captain Baudin. I am Captain Nicolas Baudin. We met on Kangaroo Island. You left me a parrot.

Baudin! says Gaius. Well met, my friend. Yes I remember that parrot.

Was it my parrot? asks Terence.

Yes it was, says Captain Baudin. It was called Baby-Glossy. I taught it some French.

Did I ask you to? asks Terence.

Un mot of French, laughs Baudin. I was supposed to be teaching it English. Is it still with you? I suppose it's no longer a baby.

It's no longer a parrot, says Terence. 

Mort? says Captain Baudin. 

No longer a mort, says Terence. If that means alive.

It means dead, says Denis. Let's not get caught up in verbal nonsense. Have you seen Ageless?

Yes, says Captain Baudin. I met him on the beach and we chatted. He was waiting for you to arrive.

We have arrived, says Gaius. 

I invited him to dinner, says Captain Baudin. So he should be here shortly.

Should we wait? asks Gaius.

Certainly, come inside, says Captain Baudin. I'll make some hot toddies.

Then Roo-kai won't see us, says Terence.

Sit out here on this bench, says Captain Baudin. I'll bring the hot toddies outside.

Do I get one? asks Terence.

Oh-ho! Non! says Captain Baudin. Maybe yes, without the whisky.

Gaius looks at Denis.

They are here to do science.

Do they want a hot toddy with whisky?

Denis looks like he does.

Okay fine. If it's hot the alcohol will evaporate anyway, won't it.

One Boring Emu

Gaius and Denis are cycling back from the shops with the shopping.

I look forward to trying the Trail Mix, says Gaius.

He says this because Denis has bought Trail Mix, something Gaius would not have considered, on his own.

It's nuts and seeds mainly, says Denis. And small chunks of dried friut. 

Very good, says Gaius. Let's hope the dried fruit's not dried apples.

What if it is? asks Denis.

We have apples, says Gaius.

It's probably raisins, says Denis. As I recall, some things were dark brown.

We shall see, says Gaius. I'm quite partial to raisins.

So am I, says Denis. Not so partial to dried apples.

Indeed, says Gaius. They dip them in something.

To stop them becoming discoloured, says Denis. But it alters the taste.

They have arrived at the beach next to the marina.

Terence and Roo-kai are waiting.

What did you buy? asks Terence.

Apples, cheese, Trail Mix, says Gaius. 

I was right, says Terence. Except for the muffin.

I guessed the cheese, says Roo-kai.

But you didn't guess Trail Mix, says Gaius.

We would have, says Terence. If we knew what it was.

A conversation ensues which shall remain unrecorded.

Suffice to say it covers ground previously covered

(regarding the nature of Trail Mix). 

Right, time to head to Point Lowly, says Gaius.

Which way? asks Denis.

That way, says Gaius pointing to the Point Lowly Road.

Meet you there, says Roo-kai. I'll let Ageless know that you're coming.

He flies off in the direction of Point Lowly.

Roo-kai had a bellyache, says Terence.

Did he ? says Gaius. I hope he didn't eat a dead mollusc.

He burped and got better when he said cheese, says Terence.

An interesting cure, says Denis. 

They set out for Point Lowly, Terence in Gaius's backpack.

The road passes through dense mallee, saltbush, salt pans and low coastal scrub.

Gaius spots a kite and an eagle.

Denis spots a few kangaroos.

Terence spots nothing.

Except for one boring emu.

O-ish-et?

Roo-kai has started searching for molluscs.

Leaving Terence, singing his song.

Terence has stood up to find out if his song is working.

He would know if it was.

The sea would be teeming with fish escaping the sharks who were obeying the song.

But it isn't.

Roo-kai returns with a mollusc.

O-ish-et? asks Roo-kai.

What? says Terence.

Roo-kai cracks open the mollusc and swallows its soft parts.

No fish yet? asks Roo-kai.

No, says Terence.

Burp! says Roo-kai.

Maybe you shouldn't have swallowed it, says Terence. 

It was tasty, says Roo-kai. But in a weird way.

Sit down and relax, says Terence.

Roo-kai sits down on the sand. and stares out to sea.

His tummy feels active.

Don't worry, says Terence. Parrots don't die.

Roo-kai could reply to this statement: Several of yours have. 

But he doesn't.

Terence looks back towards the steps.

I wonder if Gaius and Denis have finished the shopping, says Terence.

Buuuurp! replies Roo-kai.

Let's guess what they're buying, says Terence. I'll go first. Apples.

Cheese, says Roo-kai.

You're better! says Terence.

Yes, Rookai is feeling better. If you can speak of cheese without gagging, you must be.

Muffins, says Terence. 

His face falls. He shouldn't have said that. 

His last parrot was a muffin.

Wasn't your last parrot a muffin? asks Roo-kai.

Yikes! Yes it was. And it ended up in the compost, with a hole in its face.

Terence will have to think fast or else Roo-kai will be correct and might die of eating the mollusc because it will be possible.

Wait. It was only a muffin. Not a real parrot. 

Which proves it.

That proves it, says Terence.

Roo-kai is happy enough to accept that it does.

O Come Sharks

We should buy some supplies before we set off for Point Lowly, says Gaius.

I've got mine already, says Terence. I've still got my can of Red Bull.

Good, says Gaius. That's one thing we won't need to purchase.

So I don't have to come shopping, says Terence.

What will you do instead? asks Gaius.

Sing to the sharks, says Terence.

What an idea, says Denis. 

It's a nice idea, says Roo-kai. Terence and I will spend time on the beach while you do your shopping.

Very well, says Gaius. We'll drop you there, on our way. 

Yay! says Terence. 

Gaius lifts Terence into his backpack

Gaius and Denis cycle to the nearest beach, which is close by the marina.

Gaius drops Terence off at the spot where Roo-kai is waiting.

You fly fast, says Terence.

I know, says Roo-kai. Let's go down to the beach.

Terence goes down the steps and runs over the sand to the water.

He sits down on a hard ripple of sand.

O come sharks O come, sings Terence. 

A woman with a small child who is walking past looks disapproving.

O come sharks ! sings her small child, who may be small, but is big enough to sing.

That song is inappropriate, says the woman. We don't wan't sharks to come, we want them to stay out of the way.

Stay out of the way, sings Terence.

Stay out  of the way, sings the small child.

That's better, says the woman. She walks away with her child, who does not hear the next part of Terence's song.

Until you round up some fishies, sings Terence. Then chase them in.

That is probably something like what the Barngarla people would have sung, says Roo-kai. Except not in English.

And not 'stay out of the way', says Terence. I only sang that because of the lady.

It was good you did though, says Roo-kai. She might have reported you for trying to attract sharks.

I got myself out of trouble, says Terence.

Which is always a good thing, says Roo-kai.

But her kid learned a stupid song, says Terence.

O come sharks stay out of the way.

Maybe she'll make the kid change the first part, says Roo-kai.

The best part, says Terence.

Yes it is, says Roo-kai.

Terence tries to think what the lady might make her kid change the first part to.

O go sharks?

O ho sharks?

O hey?

A Complex Philsophical Position

Of course, the answer is clear, says Gaius.

We'll get Ageless to ask for permission, says Denis.

What if he doesn't obtain it? asks Roo-kai. If I were a cuttlefish, would I entrust my eggs to a strange lobster?

Would you? asks Terence.

No, says Roo-kai. I wouldn't even entrust them to me.

Why? asks Terence.

He would eat them, says Denis. 

Roo-kai can't eat them, says Terence. He's the cuttlefish.

True, I did say that, says Roo-kai. I was attempting to put myself in the shoes of the cuttlefish while remaining in the shoes of myself.

A complex philosophical position, says Denis.

What are the shoes like? asks Terence.

They're not real shoes, says Roo-kai.

That's a more comfy position, says Terence.

We'll sort it out with Ageless when we get to Point Lowly, says Gaius. Meanwhile, are we finished here?

We haven't seen Singing To The Sharks, says Denis.

I'd like to see that, says Roo-kai.

They enter the Singing To The Sharks room.

Many years ago the Barngarla people, who are shark people, used to sing to the sharks.

This was to encourage the sharks to drive shoals of fish towards the shore, where the people could catch them.

But the language of the Barngarla people died out in the 1960s.

How fascinating, says Gaius. A linguist has offered to help them reconstruct the language.

I wonder how that's going, says Denis.

Great White Teacher speaks English, says Terence.

I doubt he's involved in this project, says Gaius.

The Barngarla had three words for Great White Shark, says Denis, reading further.

Sweezus has more than three words for Great White Teacher, says Terence.

I'm sure he does, says Gaius. Well, that was all very interesting. But now we should go.

Yes, it's time they were going.

Gaius, Denis and Terence climb down the ladder.