Bacchus's Balls!

Now, sod off! says the masked bird.

Okay, says Terence. I need to keep looking for a parrot.

Go ahead, says the masked bird. 

When I find one I'll give it a job, says Terence.

Come on Terence, says Surfing-with-Whales.

Coming, says Terence.

He turns and steps on a twig.

Crack! It's broken. And it was a good one.

That was a good stick, says Terence. 

A bit thin, says Surfing-with-Whales. There'll be better ones

They start to move off.

What's the job? asks the masked bird. Stick-finding?

We find a stick and the stick finds a parrot, says Terence. 

What's the parrot's job? asks the masked bird.

Being my parrot, says Terence. 

Who'd want that job? asks the masked bird.

Who wouldn't? says Terence. We go on adventures. 

Rules me out, says the masked bird. 

Here's a good one! says Surfing-with-Whales.

He picks up a forked stick.

Perfect! says Terence. Let's take it back to the campsite.

Terence and Surfing-with-Whales start to make their way back.

The masked bird follows at a short distance.

How will they use the stick to find a parrot? 

This will make a good tale for the chicks.

Any luck? asks Gaius.

Found a stick, says Surfing-with-Whales. Anyone got an apple core?

Philosopher Smith had been munching an apple. He stops short of devouring the core.

Thanks, says Surfing-with-Whales. Now all we have to do is...

Kek kek kek!

Bacchus's balls! says Gaius. A masked lapwing!

The masked bird stops kekking. but does not retreat.

Is that what it is? says Surfing-with-Whales. 

He stops fiddling with the stick and the core, and turns towards the masked lapwing.

Yeah, bird, that's what humans call you, says Surfing-with-Whales. 

Had it been asking? asks Gaius.

No, says Terence. It said I am what I am. Then it said sod off. Then it asked what the job was.

What job? asks Gaius.

Being Terence's parrot, says Surfing-with-Whales. But it ruled itself out.

Of course it did, says Gaius. Masked lapwings are territorial, and can be quite aggressive. See those sharp spurs on its wings?

Terence can't see them. 

Nor can Gaius. 

But he knows that they're there.