Nothing Could Be More Irrelevant

You should keep that beanie on all the time, says Vello.

It makes you look younger, says David.

Like Ageless, says Terence.

Thanks, says Denis.

He returns the hat to his pocket.

Belle comes in with some macarons on a plate.

We'll take a short break now, says Vello. 

When is Hedley's scene? asks Hedley's mother.

Coming up next, says Vello. Straight after the earthquake.

Can Hedley and me do the earthquake? asks Terence.

How would you do it? asks Vello.

Roll some rocks, says Terence. And make the scenery fall over.

But how can Hedley do that and be a girl of easy virtue? asks Hedley's mother.

Easy, says Hedley. I'll wear pants.

I don't think girls of easy virtue wore pants in those days, says David.

Hedley's mother looks shocked.

He means trousers, says Vello. 

Or trousers, says David. 

Don't worry, Hedley, says Belle. I'll fix you up with a suitable costume. And anyway, no one will see you doing the earthquake.

Or me, says Terence.

Or you, says Belle.

Arthur has eaten most of the macarons while the earthquake and pants were being settled.

Any more macarons? asks Sweezus.

No, says Belle. 

Everyone looks at Arthur.

Just staying in character, says Arthur.

Your character doesn't eat all the macarons, says Vello. He looks for money in the wreckage, gets drunk, and then buys the favours of Hedley.

Can he turn out to be something of a poet? asks Arthur

No, he can't, snaps Vello.

It might be nicer if Hedley goes off with a poet, says Hedley's mother. 

The sailor is a rough sort, says Vello. 

Maybe I could turn out to be something of a poet? says Hedley.

Ha ha! laughs Terence. 

What's wrong with that? asks Hedley.

Nothing, says Arthur. I've got a poem you could use. 

What's it about? asks Hedley.

Cycling up a hill on a forty degree plus day, says Arthur.

Nothing could be more irrelevant, says Vello. I forbid it.

He forbids it.

So will Arthur give up?

No Questions

Arthur, Gaius and Denis are now on the desk. 

Sweezus is on the floor having drowned.

Action! says Vello.

My benefactor has drowned! cries Denis! 

He leans forward as if to throw himself off the desk.

Don't do it! cries Gaius. It's reasonable to suppose that the harbour was made on purpose for the the Anabaptist to drown in

Do I argue with Dr Pangloss? asks Denis. 

No! says Vello. Fate intervenes. The ship splits in two.

We should have put two desks together, says David.

We'll do it next time, says Vello. Now, you all fall in. The sailor swims to shore and you two cling to a plank and float offstage in the same direction.

Am I wearing the beanie? asks Denis.

We'll decide that later, says Vello. 

Do we mime the plank? asks Gaius.

Mime the plank, says Vello.

The door of the office bursts open and Hedley runs in.

Hedley! says Terence. Guess what?

What? asks Hedley. 

I'm the hingeman, says Terence. 

What's the hingeman? asks Hedley.

A big strong mean guy who doesn't ask questions, says Terence.

Does that mean you don't have any lines? asks Hedley.

No QUESTIONS! says Terence.

Hedley's mother enters the office.

Hello, Hedley's mother, says Vello.

Hello, Vello, says Hedley's mother. Hedley is so excited. What part is he trying out for?

There is only one part not taken, says Vello. A girl of easy virtue. I'll understand if you don't want him to do it.

Hedley, says Hedley's mother. Do you mind playing a girl?

No, says Hedley.

A girl of easy virtue? adds Hedley's mother.

Whatever, says Hedley.

Does he have to demonstrate his easy virtue? asks Hedley's mother.

Not at all, says Vello. He just goes off with the drunken sailor. 

That's me, says Arthur. 

Oh hello, Arthur. says Hedley's mother. So you're the sailor. Is that a big part?

I'm thinking of making it bigger, says Arthur.

Oh are you? says Vello.

Hello Sweezus, says Hedley's mother, seeing him on the floor. Are you playing Candide again this year?

Nup. James the Anabaptist, says Sweezus. 

I'm playing Candide, says Denis. 

Hedley's mother looks doubtful. 

Isn't Denis too old?

Denis whips the finger-knitted beanie from his back pocket and puts it on.

It does make him look younger.

But Not Doing It

Next mornng, in the Velosophy office.

Vello is clearing his desk.

David is moving the chairs.

Sweezus and Arthur arrive.

Excellent, says Vello. Your scene is first. Have you prepared it?

Men were not born wolves, but they have become wolves, says Sweezus.

Very good, says Vello, but we're starting with the storm and shipwreck.

Yeah I know, but I need to establish my character,  says Sweezus. 

He probably does, agrees David. 

Then we'll begin with a prequel, says Vello. A short one.

Cool, says Sweezus. 

But right now it's the shipwreck, says Vello. It could be quite tricky.

Do we stand on the desk? asks Arthur.

Yes, says Vello. Both of you. And Denis and Gaius when they get here.

Sweezus and Arthur climb onto the desk.

Belle arrives with Terence.

Can I get on the desk? asks Terence.

Yes, you can stand in for Denis, says Vello.

He lifts Terence onto the desk.

Hello I'm Denis, says Terence in a man's voice, like Denis.

You don't say you're Denis, says Vello. You're playing the part of Candide, remember.

 Okay, says Terence, in the same voice. 

Who falls in first? asks Sweezus.

The sailor, says David. After whacking James the Anabaptist and laying him low on the poop deck, he loses his balance.

Ready? says Arthur.

He whacks Sweezus, and falls backwards, off the desk.

Thud.

Shit! You okay? asks Sweezus.

You're supposed to be dangling over the side, says Vello. 

Arthur sits up to a dangling position.

Now pull him aboard, says Vello.

Sweezus pulls Arthur up onto the desk.

Now you fall in, says Vello.

What do I do? asks Terence.

You watch as he disappears under the waves, says Vello.

Do I have an expression? asks Terence.

Look as though you want to throw yourself in after him, says Belle. But don't do it.

Terence tries to figure out a wanting-to-do-something-but-not-doing-it expression.

Acting is hard.

Denis arrives with Gaius.

At last, says Vello. Terence is standing in for you.

Sorry, says Denis. I've been completing the beanie.

Right, says Vello. Terence off! Denis and Gaius on the desk!

What's been happening? asks Denis.

You're looking like you want to do something but not doing it, says Terence. Like this see?

He screws up his features.

You mean like a fart? asks Denis.

Terence is offended.

Big Strong Mean Guy

Is there a part left for me? asks Gaius.

He'd make a good Dr. Pangloss, says David.

What do you say? asks Vello. 

I'd be honoured, says Gaius. I usually play the old woman.

What about me? asks Terence.

I'm sure we can find a small part for you, says Vello.

I want a BIG part, says Terence. Like Gaius.

All the big parts are taken, says Vello.

What about the red sheep? asks Terence.

Not in it, says Vello.

The otter? asks Terence.

There has never been an otter, says Vello.

Okay, what? asks Terence.

Terence could play my henchman, says Belle.

How would that look? asks Vello. You as the Officer of the Inquistion, and this young cherub as your henchman.

It might work, says Belle.

What's a hingeman? asks Terence.

Henchman, says Vello. 

Its a big strong mean guy, who does what he's asked to do without asking questions, says Sweezus.

Terence can't believe it.

A big strong mean guy. 

Yay! says Terence.

We'll smash it, says Belle.

I defer to your judgement, says Vello. Well, that's sorted. Any more questions?

Yeah, says Sweezus. What's an Anabaptist?

You of all persons should know, says Vello. 

Sounds like some weirdo kind of religion, says Sweezus.

Look it up, says Vello. Any more questions?

When's our first rehearsal? asks Belle.

Tomorrow morning, in the office, says Vello. We'll do a first reading.

Can Hedley come? asks Terence.

I suppose so, says Vello.

I'll get in touch with Hedley's mother, says Belle.

Why has no one thought that the only part left is 'Girl of easy virtue'?

And Hedley's mother is not going to like that.

Dead In Chapter Five

You're all wet, dear, says Vello.

It's quite nice, says Belle.

You'll be shivering soon, in this aircon, says Henriette. 

I'll be fine, says Belle.

I'm wet too, says Terence.

No one takes any notice of Terence.

He goes up to Sweezus.

I'm wet TOO, says Terence.

Yeah little buddy, says Sweezus. You'll soon dry.

Not my SHORTS! says Terence. THEY won't!

Run up and down the steps outside, says Vello, and stop interrupting.

What was he interrupting ? asks Belle.

We've decided on the coming production, says Vello.

And Denis is playing Candide, says Henriette.

MAY be, says Denis.

What abour Sweezie? asks Belle. 

There are plenty of other parts, says Vello. Henriette has picked chapter five.

All the women are DEAD in chapter five, says Belle.

Sorry, says Henriette. I didn't know that.

Not actually dead, says Vello. Believed dead. 

So there's no part for me, says Belle. 

Vello grabs his old copy, and flicks through chapter five.

Candide, Pangloss, James the Anabaptist, Sailor, Girl of easy virtue....

That's a really small part, says Belle.

Citizens eating dinner in the ruins, continues Vello. Half of them could be women.

Keep going, says Belle.

Officer of the Inquisition, and his henchman, says Vello. That's it. Choose your part, dear. Any part but Candide.

Belle is feeling somewhat icy at this stage. 

Officer of the Inquisition, says Belle.

Arthur looks up from his beer.

He had imagined himself in that part. That, or the sailor.

What? asks Belle. Did you want that part Arthur?

No, says Arthur. I'll play the sailor.

You did want it though, says Belle.

Sailor suits me, says Arthur. 

It's a good part. You can ad lib a little. Insert one of your poems.

Everyone looks at Sweezus. All the good parts are going.

What? asks Sweezus.

You'd be good as James the Anabaptist, says Vello. 

No worries, says Sweezus.

Playing against type, adds Vello 

Sweezus wonders what he means.

Wasn't James the Anabaptist described by Candide as the best of men?

Storm Earthquake and Shipwreck

The next day is even hotter.

Team Condor and Team Philosophe are keeping cool in the bar of a Glenelg hotel.

What were you boys thinking? asks Vello.

That we needed to do it, says Sweezus.

Which we did, says Arthur.

In a way you have to admire them, says David.

Admire their complete lack of discipline, says Vello.

It took discipline to climb up that hill, says Sweezus.

Gut-wrenching, soul-destroying discipline, says Arthur.

You would have enjoyed that, says Belle.

How's the poem going? asks Henriette.

Writer's block, says Sweezus.

Not me, says Arthur. My words have been flowing.

Another beer anyone? asks Gaius.

Yes, please, says Terence.

Not you, Terence, says Belle. 

It's not fair, says Terence. Can I go outside and get wet in the water spouts?

Okay, says Belle. Who'll go with him?

No one wants to. It's too hot out there.

I'll go then, says Belle.

She and Terence go across Moseley Square to the water spouts.

Gaius returns, carrying several full glasses.

Well now, says Vello. The Fringe is coming up soon. I hope everyone is available.

Not if it's Candide again, says Sweezus.

 But no one plays Candide like you, says Vello. 

So it IS Candide again, says Sweezus. 

Perhaps Denis could do it, says Gaius.

Isn't Candide a young man? asks Denis. 

Go on, says Henriette. You could play a young man, Denis.

Especially if he wears a beanie, says David.

Ha ha! laughs Vello. Candide in a beanie. I like it!

We even have a suitable beanie, says Henriette. Or the makings of one.

So we do, says Gaius. Denis finger-knitted it himself.

It was intended for Ageless, explains Denis.

Ageless won't need it yet, says Henriette. His carapace hasn't hardened.

What excerpt of Candide are we doing? asks David. Have we decided?

No, says Vello. But I have a copy in my shorts pocket. Let's pick one now.

Is that how you do it? asks Henriette. Just pick one.?

Yes, says Vello. Would you do us the honour?

Pick one at random? asks Henriette.

Why not? says Vello.

He hands Henriette his old weathered copy. 

She opens it at Chapter 5. "Describing tempest, shipwreck and earthquake, and what happened to Candide, Dr Pangloss and James the Anabaptist".

Excellent choice! says Vello. 

Storm, earthquake and shipwreck, says David. Ambitious!

Terence and Belle return, dripping wet.

It seems like a good omen.        

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          

Stage 5: Stirling to Stirling - Aiee!

The final stage. 

Eight laps of a circuit from Stirling to Stirling.

Belle and Henriette are waiting in Stirling with Terence.

So are Sweezus and Arthur.

But why are Sweezus and Arthur not racing?

It's not FAIR, says Terence.

Yeah, it kind of is, says Sweezus.

It's very fair, says Belle. They rode up Willunga Hill yesterday and were disqualified.

But it was HARDER, says Terence.

Sure was, says Sweezus.

The peloton zooms by.

One or two riders give a thumbs up to Sweezus and Arthur.

Kudos, says Sweezus. At least we got that.

And a day off, says Belle.

And poetic inspiration, says Arthur.

Yeah, says Sweezus.

Team Philosophe cycles past.

Slackers! shouts Vello.

Don't tell me you've written a poem, says Belle.

Working on it, says Sweezus. Arthur is too.

How wonderful, says Henriette. 

Sweezus looked pleased. Arthur less so.

But let's not just stand here. 

What's happening up ahead?

Is Jay Vine still winning?

Because he has until now been winning.

OMG! A kangaroo, lurking in the bushes, has jumped out at the riders and caused an upset.

Jay Vine is down. 

But he gets up again, and swaps bikes with his only remaining team mate.

And catches up with the riders the kangaroo had already let by.

The kangaroo has jumped back into the bushes.

Aiee! 

Or whatever kangaroos say in such circumstances.

A second kangaroo hops up to it.

Calm down, bro. 

Aiee! What happened there, bro?

It wasn't your fault. And guess what? You'll be on TV!

Aiee! 

But enough of this story.

Does Jay Vine win or doesn't he?

He does. 

Stage 4: Brighton to Willunga - Crazy Idiots

A hot day.

So hot that the course has been changed.

The two climbs up Willunga Hill have been cancellled.

Not everyone is happy.

There goes two KOM chances, says Sweezus.

Think of the bright side, says Gaius. 

There's no bright side, says Sweezus.

Arthur agrees. He was looking forward to melting.

Henriette and Belle are much happier.

They are in Willunga, ensconced in a café with Terence.

Drinking frappés and iced Ribena.

I heard they had a joke competition yesterday, says Belle.

Who did? asks Henriette. Not Denis, surely.

No, Team Condor and Groupama, says Belle. Sweezie won it.

I knew it wouldn't involve Denis, says Henriette.

What was the joke? asks Terence.

Belle explains the bear and bee joke to Terence. And Sweezus's back to front version.

It's not that good a joke, says Henriette. 

I know, says Belle, but it was spur of the moment.

I've got a better one, says Terence. What would bees be without bees?

What's the answer? asks Belle.

Cannot but bees! says Terence.

Good one, says Belle.

Henriette doesn't get it.

Belle explains Cannot But Be to Henriette. 

Now Henriette gets it. Or thinks that she does.

A faint cheering is heard outside the café. 

A bunch sprint is sprinting by.

It must be the finish.

Ethan Vernon of NSN Cycling wins it.

Well done him!

Ten minutes later, Gaius enters the cafe, looking sweaty.

Where's Sweezie and Arthur? asks Belle.

You won't believe this, says Gaius. 

Try me, says Belle.

Willy Hill, says Gaius. They've gone up it.

The crazy idiots! cries Belle.

Stage 3: Henley Beach To Nairne - Bees

A warm day. 

The teams have left Henley Beach and are now passing Brighton.

The members of Team Philosophe are grumbling.

I didn't have much time to practise, says Denis.

Nor did we, says David. 

At least you were here, says Denis. I was held up in Point Lowly.

You had your bike, didn't you? asks Vello.

I did, says Denis, but we spent most of our time sitting on the rocks near the lighthouse while Ageless went into the water.

How is Ageless by the way? asks David.

Still in the bucket, in Gaius's bathroom, says Denis. 

We should speed up, says Vello.

They speed up.

Up ahead Sweezus is lecturing Arthur.

Don't disappear today, says Sweezus.

 I won't, says Arthur. 

Sweezus needs a strong leadout man, says Gaius, or he'll never be King of the Mountain. 

Arthur speeds up to lead Sweezus out.

They pass several riders who are labouring up Chandler's Hill.

But not Martin Urianstad who has already won the KOM points.

Poetry competition? asks Arthur.

Not now, says Sweezus.

Joke competition? asks Lewis Bower, who is right beside them.

Go on, says Arthur.

What would bears be without bees? asks Lewis Bower.

Dunno, says Sweezus. What would they be?

Ears, says Lewis Bower.

He zooms away, leaving Sweezus and Arthur to assess the joke's quality.

Reckon he might've got it wrong, says Sweezus.

The question or the answer? asks Arthur.

Both, says Sweezus. Like, what would bears be without ears?

Bees, says Arthur. Your joke's way better.

Sweezus feels happier, having won the joke competition.

And there will be other mountains.

But now, what happening at the finish, in Nairne?

A crash. A bunch sprint....

Sam Welsford takes the win.

Someone had to.

Stage 2: Norwood to Uraidla - Mind Game

Belle and Henriette are in Norwood watching the start.

Terence is, too.

How's Ageless doing? asks Belle.

I looked in the bucket this morning, says Henriette.

And? asks Belle.

Bang! The race starts and Belle doesn't hear the answer.

Go! shouts Terence.

Who are you cheering for? asks Belle.

Poggy, says Terence.

Poggy isn't in it, says Belle.

Poggy's team, says Terence.

Lucky Sweezus didn't hear that. He is too focused. 

I'm going for Team Philosophe, says Henriette.

Me too, says Belle. But they've no chance of winning.

I heard that, says Vello, cycling past at that moment.

Go! shouts Terence.

Thank you, Terence, says Vello. 

The teams ride up Norwood Parade. 

Where is Arthur? 

Has he taken Gaius's advice and eaten some cabbage?

No, of course not. But several riders have added cabbage to their breakfast.

It's not a banned substance.

Summertown, Crafers, Picadilly, Uraidla, Lobethal, Cudlee Creek ... and now, first time up the Corkscrew.

Sweezus is going for King of the Mountain.

You can do it, says Gaius, behind him.

Uh uh uh, goes Sweezus. 

And there's always the second climb, says Gaius.

Maybe if you'd led me out, says Sweezus.

I thought  Arthur was doing it, says Gaius.

Well he didn't, says Sweezus. Where is he?

Arthur is chatting to Jay Vine.

Tried eating cabbage? asks Jay Vine

No, says Arthur. 

Apparently good for the gut, says Jay Vine.

My gut came good by itself, says Arthur.

Lucky you, says Jay Vine.

I write my best poetry with a bad gut, says Arthur. So a bad gut's not all bad.

Yeah? says Jay Vine. Well, I tried the cabbage. Dunno if it's helping.

He speeds off to catch up with Jhonatan Narváez, his teammate.

Carey Gully, Lenswood, Lobethal, Cudlee Creek and again the Corkscrew.

Corkscrew again? says Denis. Who is behind this?

A malevolent spirit, says David.

I'm surprised you believe in malevolent spirits, says Vello.

So am I, says Denis.

We'll see who gets up it first, says David.

He sets off up the Corkscrew.

It's a mind game, says Vello.

He sets off too.

Denis wonders about the efficacy of pretending the course has been set by a malevolent spirit.

And why can he smell cabbage?

Because the scent of cabbage has lingered.

Long after Jay Vine and Jhonatan Narváez have broken away from the peloton, and are now zooming down to the finish.

Stage 1: Tanunda to Tanunda - Cabbage

Bang! The teams rocket out of Tanunda.

Gaius is right behind Arthur.

Arthur wobbles.

Gaius speeds up and draws level.

You look a bit green, says Gaius.

Recovering, says Arthur. 

From what? asks Gaius.

Gut ache, says Arthur.

Try cabbage, says Gaius.

Sam Welsford speeds by.

But he heard the word cabbage.

No one else has been mentioning cabbage.

Or have they? Perhaps he hasn't been listening.

Sam Welsford catches up with Sam Watson who is on the same team.

Heard anything abour cabbage? asks Sam Welsford.

No, says Sam Watson. Have you?

Only a rumour, says Sam Welsford.

David is cycling behind them.

He has heard everything they said.

He drops back to tell Vello that a rumour has started about cabbage.

Ha ha! laughs Vello. That will have been Gaius.

Gaius? says Denis. Why would Gaius start a rumour?

He wouldn't, says Vello. He was probably giving advice.

About cabbage? asks Denis.

At this moment, Tobias Lund Andresen passes by.

He has heard the word cabbage.

And Danes love their cabbage.

It inspires him to try super hard.

The race continues.

Three times up Mengler's Hill.

And three times down, to a crazy finish.

Sam Welsford, who won in Tanunda in the last two seasons is boxed in.

He finishes third.

Tobias Lund Andresen comes first, a credit to how much he was inspired by the cabbage.

And James Brennan, unaware of the cabbage rumour, comes second.

TDU Prologue - Excitement Indeed

Next morning Sweezus comes over.

He and Gaius go out for a practice ride.

Denis meets Vello and David in Norwood, at 38 Acres.

They sit outside.

All set for the Prologue tonight? asks Vello.

As much as I can be, says Denis. What's the strategy?

Go like the clappers, says Vello. It's 3.6k. You'll need to do it in under five minutes.

I'm sure I can do that, says Denis. What's that green stuff you're drinking?

Matcha, says David. Good for the gut.

Vile stuff, says Vello. Want some?

Denis decides he should try it. Plus a slice of peach tart.

Meanwhile Henriette is at Gaius's house, wishing she had a bike.

Perhaps Gaius has a spare one in his shed.

She opens the shed door. 

Errk! Spiders!

This reminds her of Ageless. He must still be in the bathroom. 

She goes back inside, and enters the bathroom.

Peers into the bucket.

I suppose you want a shower, grunts Ageless. Don't mind me.

Are you okay? asks Henriette. Are you hungry?

I'll eat my old carapace if I am, says Ageless.

That's disgusting, says Henriette.

Most of it Denis threw out, says Ageless. But there are some small sharp pieces under my bottom.

Okay, says Henriette. 

She has a shower, ignoring the crunching sounds coming from the bucket.

Then she calls Belle.

.....

Later that evening, there is a buzz in the city.

The Prologue is starting.

Henriette, Belle and Terence are sitting in the Victoria Park Grandstand, awaiting the finish. 

One by one the riders go down the chute in Victoria Square.

Who are they?

There goes Sweezus, of Team Condor. looking good in his frog colours.

Arthur goes next, looking green.

Gaius makes a fast exit down the chute. 

Then Denis Diderot, of Team Philosophe.

Then Vello, waving at the crowd.

And David, also waving.

Zoom....zoom....zoom.... and there go the ones we don't know.

And some we might vaguely remember

That one is Jay Vine, an Australian.

There goes Sam Watson, of Team Ineos. 

And that one is....Ben O'Connor!

Here's Jhonatan Narváez, who won the TDU last year.

Okay, that's everyone.

Over at the Grandstand, excitement is growing.

Sam Watson is sitting in the hot seat with a time of 4 minutes 16.9 seconds.

In fact he has been sitting in the hot seat for almost two hours.

And no one's been able to beat him.

Excitement indeed.

The Bottom Of The Bucket

They arrive back at Gaius's house.

It's dark.

Someone is standing in the front garden.

It's Henriette.

Denis is surprised.

You said you'd put me up, says Henriette.

Yes, but.... begins Denis. How did you find me?

Belle gave me directions, says Henriette.

You're welcome to stay at my house, says Gaius. Perhaps you could look after Ageless.

The famous Lobster Guy? says Henriette.

Here in the bucket, says Sweezus. He's moulting.

Aw, says Henriette, looking into the bucket. He looks poorly.

Ageless says nothing.

His final pieces have loosened but have nowhere to go.

Except the bottom of the bucket.

Okay, says Sweezus. I'll head off. See you first thing tomorrow.

When is the start time? asks Gaius.

Six pm, says Sweezus. Dunno the order.

Order? asks Denis.

Yeah it's a time trial says Sweezus. Didn't they tell you?

No one's told me anything, says Denis.

You'd better phone Vello, says Henriette. He's been working on team tactics.

I shall, says Denis. As soon as I've unpacked my dirty washing.

I too, says Gaius. Come in Henriette.

Henriette follows them inside, carrying the bucket.

She plonks it in the bathroom.

He doesn't want to stay in the bathroom, says Terence.

Why not? asks Henriette.

He wants to see Kobo, says Terence.

No I don't,  growls Ageless.

He doesn't, says Henriette. 

She'll be mad, says Terence.

Henriette wonders who Kobo might be. 

She leaves Ageless in the bathroon and goes into the kitchen

Gaius is making three cups of tea, and talking to Denis.

Forget team tactics tomorrow, says Gaius. Just go your fastest. The point is to rattle the GC contenders.

If we were on the same team, says Denis, I might believe you.

You should believe him, says Henriette.  

Oh? says Denis.

Because it's obvious, says Henriette.

Thank you, says Gaius.

Blurp-fizz!

Ageless continues to crack

Terence, bring me the spring water, says Gaius.

Terence runs off and comes back.

Gaius splashes Ageless with water.

Crik-clik! says Ageless That's better.

Sweezus is meeting us at the bus station with a bucket of water, says Gaius.

For me? says Ageless. 

Yes for you, says Gaius.

And he wants to talk team tictacs, says Terence.

Team tactics, says Gaius. 

Cru-urk! goes Ageless, again. 

Let me splash him, says Terence.

He takes the spring water from Gaius and empties it over Ageless. 

You've wet the bus seat, says Gaius. I'll have to tell Stanley.

He goes down to the front of the bus.

Nearly there, says Stanley.

So I see, says Gaius. But I must apologise. We've wet the back seat.

We? says Stanley.

No of course not, says Gaius. Just water.

It'll dry, says Stanley. I've had worse, believe me.

The bus pulls into the Flinders Street Station and stops.

It's Ageless, says Gaius. He's moulting. 

There's a guy with a bucket standing there waiting, says Stanley. 

It's been pre-arranged, says Gaius.

Stanley opens the door of the bus.

Gaius gets down. 

Hi! says Sweezus. Where's the patient?

Give me the bucket, says Gaius.

No buckets on the bus! says Stanley. Sorry.

So Gaius gets back on the bus without the bucket.

He goes to the back seat and gathers up Ageless. 

Shall I bring the broken parts? asks Terence.

Don't need 'em, mutters Ageless.

Gaius carries Ageless to the front of the bus.

Where are the missing parts? asks Stanley.

Ageless doesn't need them, says Terence.

Well, I don't need them, says Stanley.

Denis will collect them, says Gaius.

Denis has come to the front of the bus.

Now he has to go back, and pick up the pieces of carapace.

At last everyone is off the bus and Ageless is in Sweezus's bucket.

Blurp-fizz!

Denis has found a bin for the bits.

The bicycles have been unloaded.

Cutting it fine for the Tour Down Under, says Stanley.

Can't be helped, says Gaius.

Yeah, well, says Sweezus. Let's go.

Gaius and Denis wheel their bikes to where Sweezus has left his bike, outside the bus station.

Sweezus hooks the bucket onto his handlebar.

Terence goes in Denis's backpack.

They head for Gaius's house.

Denis and Terence are in front.

Sweezus and Gaius are behind them. 

Ageless swings back and forth in the bucket, while Sweezus and Gaius talk team tactics.

Talk Team Tactics

It does knot.

Great, it's not going to unravel. 

But it has already lost the shape of Terence's head.

Looks like you'll have to reassemble it, says Gaius.

At least I know it's the right length, says Denis.

Perhaps you should wait for Ageless before you continue, says Gaius.

I could do with a break, agrees Denis.

He shoves the chain of loops into his pocket, for a later occasion.

Where are we? asks Denis.

Nearly there, says Gaius. 

The bus rolls through the northern suburbs.

Terence returns from the back of the bus.

Ageless wants to know if it's finished, says Terence 

It isn't, says Denis.

Are we there yet? asks Terence.

Soon, says Gaius.

Then will it be finished? asks Terence.

Not unless Ageless comes forward, says Denis.

He can't. He's got a belly ache, says Terence.

Probably starting to moult, says Gaius.

So much for the hat, says Denis.

Ring ring! Gaius gets a phone call.

It's Sweezus. 

Hello, says Gaius. I suppose you'd like to know where we are.

Yeah, says Sweezus. First race is on Tuesday. We need to talk team tactics.

Talk away, says Gaius.

Is Denis there? asks Sweezus.

Right beside me, says Gaius. We're still on the bus.

When do you get to the bus station? asks Sweezus.

Five past eight, says Gaius. 

I'll meet you there, says Sweezus.

Very well, says Gaius. But I could move seats, if you want to talk team tactics.

Yeah, go on, says Sweezus.

Just moving seats to talk team tactics, says Gaius.

Go for it, says Denis.

Gaius moves to the back of the bus, where Ageless is cracking.

Dear me, says Gaius. Ageless is moulting.

On a bus? says Sweezus.

Afraid so, says Gaius. I'll splash him with spring water. Can you bring a bucket of water to the bus station?

No worries, says Sweezus. See you soon.

Crik-crurk, crackles Ageless.

He doesn't look good.

Unravel Or Knot?

Denis has made a long chain of loops.

Gaius looks up from his reading.

Well done, says Gaius. How will you know when to stop?

I'm stopping, says Denis. Before I go further I need Ageless to try it on.

Terence, says Gaius. Go and ask Ageless to come here.

Okay, says Terence.

He runs to the back of the bus.

You have to try your red hat on, says Terence.

Is it finished? asks Ageless.

Not really, says Terence. It's so Denis knows when to stop.

I don't want to look like a goblin, says Ageless.

Me either, says Terence. Why would we?

If the hat gets too long, says Ageless.

Come on then, says Terence.

You try it on for me, says Ageless. 

But my head's bigger, says Terence.

Mine's longer, says Ageless. It should work out the same.

All right, says Terence.

He runs back to Gaius and Denis.

Ageless wants me to try it on for him, says Terence.

A foolish decision, says Gaius.

I'll factor in the difference in head size, says Denis. Come here, Terence.

Terence squeezes in front of Denis, past Gaius's knees.

Denis starts winding his chain of loops round Terence's curls.

It would be better if your hair weren't so curly, says Denis.

Just do the top, says Terence. I don't want to look like a goblin.

Denis stops winding.

Very good, says Gaius. Most unlike a goblin.

Now what? asks Terence.

Denis has to decide how to hold it together, says Gaius.

I thought I'd try weaving, says Denis. Making use of the remaining wool.

Will you break it off first? asks Gaius.

Should I? asks Denis.

If you don't, you'll have to find the other end of the ball, says Gaius. 

I'll break it off, says Denis. 

Don't jerk it, says Gaius. It might start to unravel.

Henriette says it'll go into a knot, says Denis.

I see, says Gaius.

He is not so sure it will go into a knot.

Keep still, Terence, says Denis.

Snap. He breaks the wool cleanly.

But the loop on his finger has tightened.

He wrangles it off.

Phew. His finger is free, 

He pulls at the loose end.

There is a build-up of tension.

Will it unravel or knot?

Knots Ahead

Denis receives an immediate reply:

Cripes Denis, that looks like finger knitting! Don't you have needles? How will it work as a hat?

Denis is pleased. Henriette has responded!

He replies: I plan to wind it round Ageless's head when it's finished.

She responds: But how will you know when it's finished?

He replies: Trial and error.

She answers: Have you ever tried to undo finger knitting?

He replies: No, is it tricky?

She answers: Knots.

Denis had not thought that far ahead. 

If he makes his string of loops too long, and has to undo it, and can't, due to knots, what then?

He does not reply for some minutes.

Henriette messages again: Why not try it on Ageless before it's too late?

Denis still does not reply. He is wondering whether to say he had already thought of that, or merely say thankyou...

When Henriette adds: Then you'll have a better idea where to locate the eyeholes.

Denis is becoming annoyed with her interfering suggestions.

It's nowhere near long enough yet, he replies.

And what happens when Ageless takes it off? asks Henriette.

Once it's his, that will be his problem, replies Denis.

He'll have to find somewhere to keep it, replies Henriette.

He will probably elect to keep it on, answers Denis. 

You should advise him to do that, says Henriette. Imagine him trying to wind it round his head all by himself. He'll never find the eyeholes.

I suppose ideally the various rounds should be stitched together, replies Denis.

Absolutely, replies Henriette. But how will you do it?

Weaving, says Denis. After finger knitting, weaving should be a doddle.

Remember you'll be working in the round,  which is harder, replies Henriette.

I shall remember, answers Denis. Now I must get on with it, or no hat will eventuate.

Of course, replies Henriette. Good luck DD.

Denis is delighted. She has remembered his last sign-off.

And they have had a full-on intellectual discussion.

He continues looping, steadily.

The Hard Part

Terence has explained the red wool to Ageless.

So it's not yet a hat, says Ageless.

Not yet, says Terence. Gaius is making it.

Remind him of my special requirements, says Ageless.

Okay, says Terence. What are they?

Eyeholes in the right place, says Ageless.

It'll have lots of holes, says Terence. That's how you make it.

Ageless imagines a string bag sort of structure.

Fine, says Ageless.

Terence takes the wool back to Gaius, who is perusing his cuttlefish notes.

Give it to Denis, says Gaius.

Me? says Denis.

You are at a loose end, says Gaius. And you saw how to do it.

I wasn't watching, says Denis.

I was, says Terence.

He hands Denis the wool.

How do I start? asks Denis.

Make two loops on your finger, says Terence.

Denis has remembered that much.

It's the next part that he has forgotten.

Now make it longer, says Terence.

How? asks Denis.

Gaius looks up.

Second loop over first loop, says Gaius. And repeat.

Denis tries that.

Yay! says Terence. You made an eyehole!

It can't be an eyehole, says Denis.

Why? asks Terence.

Because it's at the beginning, says Denis. Just let me get on with my knitting.

I'll go and tell Ageless you're good at it, says Terence.

He goes to the back of the bus.

Denis keeps looping. 

He wonders how long his chain of loops ought to be.

How many times must it go around Ageless's head? 

And how will he tell where the eyeholes should be?

It occurs to him that finger-knitting a hat for a lobster is somewhat absurd.

Henriette would laugh.

Which could have an upside.

He stops knitting and takes out his phone.

He should take a photo of his knitting so far.

Or she might not believe him.

But she'll have to. It's attached to his finger. 

He presses 'camera', and 'selfie reverse'.

Takes a smiling selfie with his finger held up, and the red wool chain dangling.

He checks the photo.

Alors! The red wool makes his teeth look yellow.

He takes another, with his mouth shut.

Now for the text.

Dear Henriette, I am whiling away the time on the bus trip back to Adelaide by knitting a hat for the lobster. Did you suspect I could knit? The hard part is deciding where to position the eyeholes.....  

The Head Hole

The Stateliner pulls in at Port Augusta.

Refreshment break! calls Stanley.

How long? asks Gaius.

Twenty minutes, says Stanley.

Gaius and Denis get off and go into the cafe.

Terence remains at the back of the bus.

Go! says Ageless. Bring me back something.

Like what? asks Terence.

A red hat, says Ageless.

There won't be one, says Terence.

There might be, says Ageless. What if they've had a delivery?

Okay, says Terence.

He runs to the front of the bus.

Stanley helps him get down.

He races into the cafe.

Gaius and Denis are examining the ready-made sandwiches.

Egg and lettuce, says Gaius. That's always nice.

Tuna and avocado, says Denis. That'll do me.

Any drinks? asks the service person.

No thanks, says Gaius. Wait, yes, maybe a water.

At this point Terence appears.

I need a red hat, says Terence.

Is it for Ageless? asks Gaius.

We're out of red hats, says the service person. There's been a heatwave.

Boo! says Terence. 

Is it for you? asks the service person.

No, says Terence. It's for Lobster Guy.

The service person looks surprised.

Lobster Guy is a lobster, says Gaius. His old hat was knitted.

Knitted, says the service person. Hang on a tick.

He disappears round the back and returns with a ball of red wool.

Can any of you knit? asks the service person.

Gaius, Denis and Terence look at one another.

Finger knit? asks the service person. It's kind of basic, but it works.

Show me, says Gaius.

The service person loops a  length of red wool round one finger, makes a second loop behind it and lifts the second one over the first, then repeats the action.

See, says the service person. I'm making a long line of loops.

Ingenious, says Gaius.

Nor much use as a hat, says Denis.

Wind it round the lobster's head, says the service person. Just a suggestion.

Two minutes! calls Stanley.

Do you want this wool? asks the service person.

We want it, says Gaius.

He pays for his sandwich, one water, and the wool.

Denis pays for his sandwich.

Terence now has the red wool. He runs back to the bus with it.

Going to do some knitting? asks Stanley.

Gaius is, says Terence.

I used to knit, says Stanley. 

He lifts Terence onto the bus. 

Terence heads for the back seat.

Look what we got you, says Terence. 

Ageless can't believe it's a hat.

Where's the head hole?

Be Is One Thing

Gaius and Denis are glad of the water.

I was the lookout, says Terence. That's how I got the water.

Does Stanley still need a lookout? asks Gaius.

No, says Terence. So I've got nothing to do.

Go and sit with Ageless, says Gaius.

Yes! says Terence. We can play Cannot But Be.

Good idea, says Gaius.

Terence heads to the back of the bus.

I don't believe I know Cannot But Be, says Denis.

The game was inspired by a statement I once made, says Gaius.

So how do you play it? asks Denis.

You think of a question to which the answer is a variation of Cannot But Be, says Gaius.

A variation? says Denis. Not Cannot But Be?

No, not Cannot But Be, says Gaius. I shall give you a simple example.

No, let me guess, says Denis. You ask the question.

Gaius had been wanting to get on with reading his notes, not to play Cannot But Be.

But Denis seems to want to.

It is now that Gaius realises the hard part of Cannot But Be is coming up with the question.

He ponders.

B... Be... Bee... Beetle...no, Bee.

What has a stinger? asks Gaius.

Surely not Cannot But Bee? says Denis.

Why surely not? asks Gaius. That is the answer.

But it's not a variation, sats Denis. 

It is, says Gaius. Be is one thing and Bee is another.

But they both sound the same, says Denis.

I see what you mean, says Gaius. I'll try something harder.

Cannot But Beetle? says Denis.

You have anticipated me, says Gaius.

I'm a quick thinker, says Denis.

Yes, it's not a good game for grown ups.

Let us listen in on Terence and Ageless.

What if a poo was coming out? asks Terence.

Cannot But Bottom, says Ageless.

Wrong ! says Terence. Cannot But Bumhole!

That was going to be my next answer, says Ageless.

See?

As Long As You Don't Talk

Have a chip, says Denis.

Thank you, says Gaius, accepting a Natural Chip.

The sea salt on the chip is quite salty.

I'll have one of those, says Ageless.

Denis hands Ageless a chip.

What can I have? asks Terence.

Nothing, says Gaius. You've just had a slushie.

But you just had a slushie, says Terence.

And I regret having this salty chip so soon after, says Gaius.

So do I, says Denis. Where's the water?

Gaius looks into his backpack. 

No water there.

Go and ask Stanley if he's got any water, says Gaius.

Okay, says Terence.

He runs to the front of the bus.

What are you doing here? asks Stanley.

We need water, says Terence.

You've just had a meal break, says Stanley.

But it wasn't a water break, says Terence.

There might be a spring water under my seat, says Stanley.

Can we have it? asks Terence.

When I stop to pick someone up, says Stanley.

I'll wait here, says Terence.

As long as you don't talk to me, says Stanley.

Why? asks Terence.

Because I'm the driver, says Stanley. Woah! Look there!

What? asks Terence.

A kangaroo! says Stanley. I nearly hit it, because I was talking to you.

Let me be the lookout, says Terence. I know all about animals jumping out at people.

Do you? says Stanley. How come?

My horse jumped out at me, says Terence.

Horses don't jump out at people, says Stanley.

It was only the bottom half, says Terence.

What? asks Stanley.

Terene realises that Stanley might not believe him.

It didn't really jump out, says Terence. It fell into the backpack. It's the opposite.

So how does that help me? asks Stanley.

It happened suddenly, says Terence.

Stanley decides to stop the bus and look for the water.

He stops the bus. 

A kangaroo hops over the road.

I saw one! says Terence.

And here's your water, says Stanley. Take it back to your friends with my compliments.

Terence takes it. 

Well done Terence! That was very successful.

Philosophical Snacks

Adults don't usually go for the blue slushies, says the assistant.

Not all adults are philosophers, says Denis.

This shuts her up.

But Denis now feels he should buy snacks that befit a philosopher.

He looks at the snacks.

Not Cheetos. Maybe Doritos?

Or these. Natural Chip Co. Yes, that's better. What are the flavours?

Your bus is about to leave any minute, says the assistant.

Denis looks at the Natural Chips.

Honey Soy Chicken. What's natural about that?

I see you can't decide, says the assistant. How about Sea Salt?

Denis would have chosen Sea Salt had she not suggestesd it.

But no. That's not a good reason.

He buys the Sea Salt Natural Chips.

And runs for the bus.

Stanley has already started the engine.

Denis jumps on and sits down.

Sea Salt? says Gaius. Good choice.

I hope we have plenty of water, says Denis.

Should have, says Gaius.

Too late now, if they haven't.

Ageless shuffles down the bus from the back.

Clik clik... Get me anything?

No, says Denis. Unless you like Natural Chips with Sea Salt.

I'm a lobster, says Ageless. I like most things. Let me know when you open the packet.

Okay, says Denis.

Where's Terence? asks Ageless.

Here! says Terence. I'm fixing my horse.

Let's see it, says Ageless.

It's in two parts, says Terence. Which part do you want to see first?

The new part, says Ageless.

Terence lifts out the head, with its orange peel mane on the top and two orange pip eyes looking upwards.

Ha ha! laughs Terence. It looks like you!

Ageless is somewhat offended.

Dead Cucumber

The bus stops in Port Augusta.

Meal stop! says Stanley.

It's three o'clock, says Gaius. What meal are we supposed to be having?

Up to you, says Stanley. There's a refreshment break at 6.18 in Port Wakefield. But it's shorter.

How long have we got here? asks Gaius.

Forty minutes, says Stanley.

Come on, says Denis. Let's make the most of it.

They get off the bus.

Pheww! It's hot in Port Augusta.

They enter the Reddy Express.

Terence sees a boy drinking a slushie.

Can I have a slushie? asks Terence.

Let us all have a slushie, says Gaius.

He goes to the counter and orders three slushies, one red.

What about the other two? asks the Reddy Express counter assistant.

Errm... says Gaius. Do you have natural?

No, says the assistant. Only red, brown and blue.

A brown and a blue, thanks, says Gaius.

He imagines Denis will like the blue one.

He goes back to sit down with the others.

She replied! says Denis. She's coming!

What else did she say? asks Gaius.

Can I put her up? says Denis.

Ha ha! laughs Terence. Up where?

Can you? asks Gaius.

I shall have to arrange something, says Denis.

The slushies arrive.

Yours is the blue one, says Gaius.

Blue? says Denis. What flavour is blue?

Blue Raspberry, says the assistant.

Maybe it's mine, says Terence.

No, yours is the red one, says Gaius.

Terence starts drinking the red one.

What flavour is it? asks Denis.

Blue Strawberry, says Terence.

What nonsense, says Gaius. I wonder what mine is?

Blue Poo, says Terence.

That's enough, Terence! says Gaius. I think it's Coca Cola. Slurp!  Yes it is. Would you like to swap with me Denis?

No, thanks, says Denis. I'll stick with the blue.

They slurp up their slushies.

Did Henriette have any other news? asks Gaius.

She asked if we knew anything about the red tide algal bloom in Tasmania, says Denis. Do we?

No we don't, says Gaius. Is there such a bloom?

Denis taps out a question on his smartphone.

There is, says Denis. Dead cucumbers, dead octopus and dead crabs have been found on Bruny Island. 

Thank her for alerting us, says Gaius.

Time! calls Stanley. Everyone back on the bus!

We should have bought some snacks, says Denis.

Go on, says Gaius. 

Denis goes to the counter.

He catches sight of himself in a mirror. 

His mouth has turned blue.

He looks like a dead cucumber.

The assistant approaches.....

Sign-Off DD

Gaius and Denis admire Terence's horse.

It looks like a battlehorse, says Denis.

It's the orange peel collar, says Gaius.

And the orange peel hat, says Denis.

That not a HAT! says Terence. It's his mane.

I see, says Gaius. It would look less like a hat if it were longer.

I ran out of peel, says Terence.

He jiggles his horse up and down.

The head falls off, into Denis's backpack.

Oops! says Terence. It needs fish glue as well.

We shall find some as soon as we get back to Adelaide, says Gaius.

Okay, says Terence.

He drops down into the backpack again, to do a temporary fix-up.

Now what was I going to do? asks Denis.

Call Vello, says Gaius.

Right, says Denis. I will.

He calls Vello.

Hello Denis, says Vello. Where are you?

On a Stateliner bus, returning to Adelaide, says Denis.

Ah yes, says Vello. Any luck with that air bubble curtain?

Er, no, says Denis. The algae never got to Point Lowly.

So you and Gaius wasted your time, says Vello.

Time is never wasted, says Denis.

I'm surprised that you think so, says Vello.

In a sense, says Denis.

Oh I see, says Vello. So why are you calling?

This is not going well.

The Tour Down Under, says Denis.

Are you in it? asks Vello.

Are you? asks Denis.

Of course I am, says Vello. I'm always in it. I asked YOU.

I'm available, says Denis. 

Really? says Vello. A good rider like you?

It's because I've been away, says Denis. 

No one thought to engage you, says Vello. What bad luck. A bit late now the start lists are up.

Who's in your team? asks Denis.

Me, David and Gaius, says Vello.

Gaius? says David. Have you asked him?

No need, says Vello. He knows we'll have him.

He doesn't, says Denis. He's been asked to ride for Team Condor.

Curses! says Vello. And has he agreed?

I believe so, says Denis. So you'll be looking for someone of equal ability to replace him.

Humph! says Vello. And that's you?

I am a philosopher, says Denis. 

So am I, snaps Vello, ending the call.

I couldn't help overhearing, says Gaius. It sounds like you're in.

Yes it does, says Denis. I must tell Henriette.

He continues his email:

....but that's enough about me, do you enjoy elite cycling? The Tour Down Under is on in Adelaide soon so if you're at a loose end after skydiving and getting tattoos on your feet how about coming? I have agreed to ride for Team Philosophe, so you'll know someone in it. But that's enough about me. DD.

He is pleased with his email. Especially the sign-off. 

DD.

Orange Peel Power

How are your notes going? asks Denis.

Unfortunately, says Gaius, there's not much to write down.

It's because there was no trace of the algae, says Denis. We've just wasted our time.

I'm inclined to agree, says Gaius. But we weren't to know the algae wouldn't appear at Point Lowly.

At least we were there when the cuttlefish eggs hatched, says Denis.

Yes, says Gaius. And there were the signs of an evolutionary breakthrough.

You mean about the mapping? asks Denis.

And the underwater botany, says Gaius. But I have little evidence. They gave up too soon.

Nevertheless, they did express an interest, says Denis. Have you written that down?

I have, says Gaius. May I cite you as a witness?

Certainly, says Denis.

And how is your email to Henriette going? asks Gaius.

I followed your advice, says Denis. I wrote one thing about myself and then ...

And then? asks Gaius.

Hit a roadblock, says Denis.

Ask her if she's going to Adelaide for the Tour Down Under, says Gaius.

I hadn't thought of that, says Denis. Do you think she might come?

If she likes to watch elite cycling, says Gaius. You could mention I'm in it.

I'd rather mention I'm in it, says Denis.

Has anyone asked you? asks Gaius.

No they haven't, says Denis.

Why don't you contact Vello, says Gaius. He often has a spot open up at the last minute.

Sounds painful, says Denis.

You know what I mean, says Gaius. He might tee someone up, who then gets a better offer.

Better than a place in Team Philosophe? says Denis.

Hard to believe, I know, says Gaius, but most younger riders like winning.

Good point, says Denis. I'm ambivalent about winning. I'll call Vello.

He is about to when the Stateliner stops to pick someone up.

Terence pops up from the backpack.

Are we there yet?

No, says Gaius. How are doing assembling your horse?

Look! says Terence.

He holds up his work in progress.

Incredible! 

The orange peel has held all the horse parts together.

Not All About You

It's five minutes to two.

Time for the Stateliner bus to be leaving.

Stanley allows Denis to get on the bus with the stick in his backpack.

Don't take it out till Port Augusta, warns Stanley.

What out? says Denis.

He goes to find his seat without waiting for an answer.

What happened there? asks Gaius.

No sticks on the bus, says Denis. But I got round it.

Where's the rest of the horse? asks Gaius.

In my backpack, says Denis.

Can I have it? asks Terence.

No, says Denis. Not till Port Augusta.

Why? asks Terence.

It has to stay in my backpack, says Denis. Bus rules.

Can I go in your backpack? asks Terence.

It's a bit full, says Denis.

You could transfer some of your things into mine, says Gaius.

Are you sure? asks Denis.

No problem, says Gaius.

Denis takes out some things.

An orange, some sunscreen , a charger. A plastic bag containing dirty washing.

You had an orange! says Gaius.

I'd forgotten, says Denis. Shall we share it?

Very kind, says Gaius. 

He begins peeling the orange, while Denis helps Terence climb into his backpack.

Terence is in.

It smells of orange and dirty washing.

He feels around for the pieces of horse.

There is the long stick with the four short sticks attached with plasters, and the seagrass hair. 

Now where is that perfect bent stick?

Yay! there it is. Now where are the eyes?

They're supposed to be in his pocket.

He feels in his shorts pocket.

Nothing there.

His head emerges from Denis's backpack.

Has anyone seen my pebbles? asks Terence.

Don't tell me, says Gaius. 

I was ASKING, says Terence.

You lost them, says Gaius. Well, never mind. Here are two pips.

He hands Terence two orange pips that he has just picked out from his half of the orange.

I've got some spares, says Denis.

Keep them in case, says Gaius. 

Now what? asks Terence.

Have you got all the parts? asks Denis. Try sticking them together.

Theres no glue, says Terence.

This is where orange peel comes in handy, says Gaius.

He hands Terence some peel.

Terence goes back down into the backpack.

That should keep him busy, says Gaius.

Yes, says Denis. How long to Port Augusta?

Three hours, says Gaius. Plenty of time for me to update my notes.

And for me to write a long email to Henriette, says Denis. 

Don't make it all about you, says Gaius.

I won't, says Denis. 

He starts tapping. Dear Henriette, I'm on a bus to Port Augusta, but that's enough about me....

Merde! He's stuck already.

If It Isn't A Stick

Have you found a bent stick? asks Gaius.

I have, replies Denis.

Let me see! cries Terence.

Denis shows Terence the bent stick.

Which way up is it? asks Terence.

That's the beauty of it, says Denis. It doesn't matter.

Gaius comes over to look.

It is indeed a perfect bent stick for the purpose.

This way up, a long neck and a fine tapered head.

That way up, a fine tapered neck and long face.

Furthermore at the bend there are two small protrusions.

Ears! says Terence

Exactly, says Denis.

Do you still have the eyes, Terence? asks Gaius.

Yes, says Terence.

But perhaps he should check.

They should be in his gecko shorts pocket.

Come, says Gaius. We need to make haste to the bus stop.

Terence stops checking. 

Ageless shuffles over.

Gaius lifts them into his basket.

He and Denis coast down Hummock Hill.

The Stateliner bus is waiting.

It's ten minutes to two.

Cutting it fine aren't we, says Stanley, the driver.

Apologies, says Gaius. We had something to do.

Those bikes going underneath? asks Stanley.

Yes please, says Gaius.

Get off then, says Stanley. And take everyone out of the basket.

Guess what? says Terence, as he's being lifted.

What? asks Stanley. You caught a lobster?

Hilarious, Stanley! says Ageless.

Ha ha, laughs Stanley. How'd the sunglasses go? They look a bit smeary.

Battle scars, says Ageless. But mission accomplished.

Stanley places the two bikes in the underneath compartment and closes the hatch.

Gaius helps Terence and Ageless onto the bus.

Denis gets on.

No sticks on the bus, says Stanley.

It's not a stick, says Denis.

What is it then? asks Stanley.

Denis begins to explain the various parts and potential orientations of the bent object he is holding.

Stanley looks at his watch.

Many Eyes Make Light Work

Gaius and Denis have finished their coffees.

Time to go.

Terence has kept the broken spoon.

When can we glue it together? asks Terence.

Not yet, says Gaius. Perhaps when we're all on the bus.

Have you got any fish glue? asks Denis.

Quite possibly not, says Gaius. 

Have a look, says Denis. Because if you haven't, we've got time to buy some.

Hah! says Gaius. No one sells fish glue!

Super glue would work just as well, says Denis.

Gaius rummages in his backpack, and finds an apple core and a pencil, but no fish glue.

I knew I'd brought a pencil, says Gaius.

We could use that! says Terence.

What for? asks Gaius.

The neck, says Terence.

Why not the spoon handle? asks Denis.

Because the pencil is wood, says Terence.

I see, says Denis. Like the rest of the horse.

The head will still be metal, says Gaius.

If we proceed with the plan, says Denis.

Would you prefer your model horse to be all wooden? asks Gaius.

Yes, says Terence. Except for the eyes.

Then we would be better occupied looking for that elusive bent stick, says Gaius. And not chasing superglue.

How long have we got? asks Denis.

Half an hour, says Gaius. 

They are wheeling their bikes along the footpath.

There are no bent sticks there.

What about Hummock Hill? asks Denis.

You go, says Gaius.

We should all go, says Denis. Many eyes make light work.

Very clever, says Gaius.

Yes, Denis thought so.

So up to Hummock Hill they all go.

Ageless, who is still digesting his fish pie, sits on a rock at the lookout.

He sees Louis de Freycinet, pottering about in his dinghy down at the marina.

Louis looks up, sees Ageless and waves.

Gaius is thinking about the pencil.

Good that Terence won't need it, if they find a bent stick.

He hopes Denis finds one.

Terence is looking everywhere.

Yay! he has found one!

No, he hasn't. It's just a bent straw. A black one. Like a bent wand. 

A bent wand. 

He remembers the Magic Workshop that was going to be on in Whyalla..

He's probably missed it.

He is feeling glum about missing it when Denis cries out Eureka!