Not French, Not a Rabbit

Where can she be? said Ageless.

Who knows? said Baby Pierre. Perhaps she's decided to go to Henley tonight.

Would she do that? asked Ageless.

She would do anything, said Baby Pierre, if she felt like it.

She'll get lost, said Ageless. She won't know the way.

Her nose'll point her in the right direction, said Baby Pierre.

Is that her nose? said Ageless, surprised. The pointy end? I imagined it was the opposite.

Well, I say that, said Baby Pierre, but now you point it out....

Hee hee, laughed Ageless. Point it out! That's funny. Now, let's get some shut-eye. We'll find Lavender tomorrow.

.....

Meanwhile Lavender had sneaked out of the library and stopped at the foot of the statue of Robert Burns while she decided on a direction.

Hello, wee lassie, said Robert Burns. Where are ye off to, this chilly night?

Are you French? asked Lavender.

Noo lassie, I'm a Scot, said Robert Burns. They call me Rabbie.

You're a rabbit, said Lavender, uncertainly.

Silly wee girl, said Rabbie.

I'm going to Henley, said Lavender. Can you tell me the way? In English preferably.

Ye go west, said Rabbie. But 'tis a lang way.

How about showing me? said Lavender. I can't understand a word you say.

Noo lassie, I cannae show ye. I'm made o' stone.

Sheesh, said Lavender, and wandered off towards North Terrace, in the dark.

.....

Next morning, Ageless was woken by Baby Pierre, who hadn't slept a wink.

Happy Birthday Ageless, said Baby Pierre. You're two hundred and ninety one today. Get up.

Grrrrr,,,,,,click click,,,,,whaaat???? grumbled Ageless.

Oh wad some power

Baby Pierre looked at the plinth.

That's not my daddy, he said. That's Robert Burns. He's a statue.

He looks like you, said Lavender, doubtfully. He's the same colour stone, and he has a nice round head.

Do you think it's nice? said Baby Pierre. My head?

No, his head is nice, said Lavender. But yours is alright.

Robert Burns looked down from his plinth and uttered these words:

"Oh wad some power the giftie gie us,
To see oursels as others see us
It wad frae monie a blunder free us
And foolish notion"

Did you hear that? said Baby Pierre.

Yes, said Lavender. Why's he speaking French?

That's not French, said Baby Pierre. But I don't know what it is. Let's go inside. Ageless will be in the reading room.

They went in and climbed the stairs to the main reading room. Ageless was sitting in front of a computer, in the middle of a row of students.

Ageless! cried Baby Pierre.

Baby Pierre! cried Ageless. You've come back! And who's this?

This is Lavender, said Baby Pierre. She's my cousin.

Not really, said Lavender. But sort of.

Very pleased to meet you, Lavender, said Ageless. How pretty you are!

Don't be creepy, Ageless, said Baby Pierre. And what part of her are you thinking is pretty?

Her lovely shape, said Ageless. Like an auger.

Yes, but what part of her do you think you're talking to? said Baby Pierre. She's the indentation.

Is she really? said Ageless, peering curiously at Lavender.

Stop talking about me as if I wasn't here, said Lavender, crossly.

Need a Body Cry

That wasn't the end of our conversation.

Ye noo, said Bela, tha's no a bad wee song. Wha's the rest o' it?

Robert Burns wrote it, I said. It goes O Jenny's a' weet, poor body, Jenny's seldom dry: She draigl't a' her petticoatie, Comin thro the Rye.

Hoo, hoo! he laughed. Aye, 'tis as ah thocht, 'tis aboot a wikit wee lassie.

You may think so, I said tartly, but may I say that's a very male point of view. It seems to me poor Jenny is a victim of abuse. Need a body cry, indeed!

Och, sorry lassie, said Bela. Ah wasn'y thinkin'. Anyhoo, changin' the subject, how did the folks at yer concert like ma Rhapsody?

Oh they loved it I replied. Even my mother, who generally detests you, said that it wasn't bad. And now that I recall, the man next to me had reserved a seat especially for his hat.

Ye doan't say?

I do say. And the hat seemed to like it as much as anyone.