Marie is back at the office, telling Belle et Bonne all about the Tour Down Under.
Belle et Bonne: Tell me everything, Marie. Did you meet anyone?
Marie: I met Angel. He was interesting.....at first. He was a Gymnosopher, and he didn't wear any clothes.
Belle et Bonne: Ooh! Was he attractive?
Marie: Yes he was. At first he was very austere, and didn't eat or drink or wear anything, and he answered deep philosophical questions wisely. I actually thought I was in love with him.
Belle et Bonne: What went wrong?
Marie: I realised he always gave the same answer. And he became more and more competitive, wanting to win King of the Mountain and all that whatnot.
Belle et Bonne: Boring! And how was papa?
Marie: Oh, he was his usual self........
The VeloDrone pokes his head around the door.
Belle et Bonne: Oh papa! we were just talking about you.
The VeloDrone: Head butting is NOT cheating, you know!
Marie: Uncle! I never mentioned it!
Belle et Bonne: Papa! were you cheating?
The VeloDrone: Everyone was.
Marie: No they weren't.
Belle et Bonne: Did your Angel do it?
Marie: Yes, both the Gymnosophers did it.
The VeloDrone: We were using our noggins.
Belle et Bonne: How embarrassing. Well I don't suppose you can ever go back to Adelaide again.
The VeloDrone: On the contrary, we are all going back next month for the Fringe!
Le Bon David pops his head round the door.
Belle et Bonne: Uncle David! We're all going to the Adelaide Fringe!
Le Bon David: I heard.
The VeloDrone: What else did you hear?
Le Bon David: Oh nothing, my friend. But...... nothing.
Showing posts with label cheating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cheating. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
The Rules of Paintball
Professor Freud spotted them at once. He walked towards them, pushing up his goggles.
How nice to see you, he said shaking each of them by the hand. But what are you doing here?
We are on holiday, said Wittgenstein. But we are not sure of what we're doing here.
Saint Nicholas and Herr Wittgenstein, said Professor Freud, since you are here, may I invite you to join us in a game of Paintball ?
I know a lot of games, said Saint Nicholas, due to my profession, but I do not know the rules of Paintball.
Nor do I, said Wittgenstein, because I know no games.
Language-games, said Saint Nicholas. You know a few of them.
Paintball is a simple game, gentlemen, said Professor Freud. You put on overalls and goggles, you choose a team, and you try to capture the flag of the other team. In order to do this each player has a gun that fires paintballs. If you are hit by a paintball it will explode and you will then have paint all over your overalls. When this happens, you are eliminated from the game.
That sounds easy said Wittgenstein, I am good at dodging.
No you aren't, said Saint Nicholas. You never pay attention.
And you are rather slow, said Wittgenstein. Because you are so fat.
I shall put you on different teams, said Professor Freud. By the way Saint Nicholas, I hope you will not be tempted to cheat. There are serious penalties for cheating.
Why are you picking on me? asked Saint Nicholas. Wittgenstein is just as likely to cheat as I am.
No he isn't, said Professor Freud. You said yourself he doesn't pay attention. It is you I am worried about, because I know that you can do miracles.
Oh, don't worry about him, said Wittgenstein. He has just done one. And can't do another for quite some time.
Professor Freud looked somewhat disappointed.
How nice to see you, he said shaking each of them by the hand. But what are you doing here?
We are on holiday, said Wittgenstein. But we are not sure of what we're doing here.
Saint Nicholas and Herr Wittgenstein, said Professor Freud, since you are here, may I invite you to join us in a game of Paintball ?
I know a lot of games, said Saint Nicholas, due to my profession, but I do not know the rules of Paintball.
Nor do I, said Wittgenstein, because I know no games.
Language-games, said Saint Nicholas. You know a few of them.
Paintball is a simple game, gentlemen, said Professor Freud. You put on overalls and goggles, you choose a team, and you try to capture the flag of the other team. In order to do this each player has a gun that fires paintballs. If you are hit by a paintball it will explode and you will then have paint all over your overalls. When this happens, you are eliminated from the game.
That sounds easy said Wittgenstein, I am good at dodging.
No you aren't, said Saint Nicholas. You never pay attention.
And you are rather slow, said Wittgenstein. Because you are so fat.
I shall put you on different teams, said Professor Freud. By the way Saint Nicholas, I hope you will not be tempted to cheat. There are serious penalties for cheating.
Why are you picking on me? asked Saint Nicholas. Wittgenstein is just as likely to cheat as I am.
No he isn't, said Professor Freud. You said yourself he doesn't pay attention. It is you I am worried about, because I know that you can do miracles.
Oh, don't worry about him, said Wittgenstein. He has just done one. And can't do another for quite some time.
Professor Freud looked somewhat disappointed.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
What Pliny Doesn't Know
I liked your post yesterday, said Pliny the Elder. I enjoyed adding up the number of things you did not know.
How many did you come up with? I asked.
Five, said Pliny.
Five? What were they?
The banana, said Pliny. You didn't know that they had no bananas.
That's one, I said.
The photograph of the muesli with the red berries on top, said Pliny You didn't know it was out of focus until you got home.
That's two, I said.
The photograph of the man looking at the toilets, said Pliny. You couldn't find it. That makes three. And not knowing how to work the toilet buttons. Four. And finally, you didn't know whether you would be allowed out.
Well done Pliny, I said. But if you recall, the post was entitled What You Don't Know, and there are one or two things that you don't know, as well.
Obviously, said Pliny. I don't know all the details of your unpleasant experience in the toilet.
Nor do I want to, he added. Is that it?
No, I said, I have a confession to make. Remember I said the man in the photograph looked pained and disbelieving?
Yes, said Pliny. That was most descriptive. I would have liked to have seen the photograph.
If you had, I said, you would have seen that he looked completely blank. The way a man might look when he is waiting for his wife to come out of a public toilet.
You mean you made it up? said Pliny, looking shocked. Why?
Transference, I said. It was me that had felt pained and disbelieving. I made it up because it seemed right.
It's cheating, said Pliny.
What do you know? I said.
How many did you come up with? I asked.
Five, said Pliny.
Five? What were they?
The banana, said Pliny. You didn't know that they had no bananas.
That's one, I said.
The photograph of the muesli with the red berries on top, said Pliny You didn't know it was out of focus until you got home.
That's two, I said.
The photograph of the man looking at the toilets, said Pliny. You couldn't find it. That makes three. And not knowing how to work the toilet buttons. Four. And finally, you didn't know whether you would be allowed out.
Well done Pliny, I said. But if you recall, the post was entitled What You Don't Know, and there are one or two things that you don't know, as well.
Obviously, said Pliny. I don't know all the details of your unpleasant experience in the toilet.
Nor do I want to, he added. Is that it?
No, I said, I have a confession to make. Remember I said the man in the photograph looked pained and disbelieving?
Yes, said Pliny. That was most descriptive. I would have liked to have seen the photograph.
If you had, I said, you would have seen that he looked completely blank. The way a man might look when he is waiting for his wife to come out of a public toilet.
You mean you made it up? said Pliny, looking shocked. Why?
Transference, I said. It was me that had felt pained and disbelieving. I made it up because it seemed right.
It's cheating, said Pliny.
What do you know? I said.
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