One Tragic Thing

Gaius and the Head of Slugs stop by the otter pool.

The Head of Slugs makes a sign to Hideo.

Hideo slithers out of the pool, and stands before them.

I hear you promised the cherub fur shoes, says the Head of Slugs.

No, I didn't, says Hideo.

Then why would he say that you did? asks the Head of Slugs.

Wishful thinking, says Hideo.

May I see your teeth? asks the Head of Slugs.

Any time, says Hideo. 

He flashes his teeth. 

Open! says the Head of Slugs.

Hideo opens.

There! Two golden toes, large as life!

Those toes belong to our colleague, says Gaius. I'll thank you to return them. 

O will you? says Hideo. And what do I get?

You get off scot free, says the Head of Slugs. Spit them out. We'll say no more about it.

Spittt! Hideo spits the toes out. Into the pool though.

The Head of Slugs shakes his head.

How shall we retrieve them? I don't have time to get the scoop out. I'm due back at the office.

Several of the otters have now spotted the toes, gleaming.

They dive playfully for them.

They toss the toes in the air.

Plip! Plop! The toes drop back into the pool.

This is ridiculous, says Gaius. Can't you control your otters?

I'm Head of Slugs, not otters, says the Head of Slugs crossly.

The toes are tossed up again.

This time Gaius is ready. He whips the lid off the container containing his sea slug, and thrusts it out over the water.

Ding! Splurch!

He catches both gold toes in the container. 

A fine outcome, but for one tragic thing.

Lost Under A Tree

I didn't think penguins had houses, says Rusty.

They don't, says Bertille. It's a penguin joke. And Terence didn't tell it properly.

Yes I did, says Terence. Gaius explained it. 

What did he say? asks Bertille.

They use igloo, says Terence. And igloos are houses.

It's still not funny, says Rusty.

You're just sad because your toes are missing, says Terence. But I lost a finger. And now look. 

He wiggles his claw.

So you never found the finger? says Rusty.

Yes, says Terence. But I swapped it for my friend's claw, and he got the finger. 

So you're blood brothers, says Rusty.

Yes, says Terence. If you get your toes back, and give one to me, we'll be blood brothers.

What will I get? asks Rusty.

Joy! says Terence.

Shall we have lunch now? says Mathilde. I've brought a picnic.

Yes, says Jean-Claude. But not in front of the penguins. 

They leave the penguin pool and find a seat close to the tropical pavilion.

Mathilde hands out the salad baguettes.

Terence and Rusty aren't eating.

They are thinking about what might happen.

What if Gaius comes back with your toes? says Terence.

I'll be happy, says Rusty.

Not yet, says Terence. 

Why not? asks Rusty.

Because you haven't decided, says Terence.

Decided what? asks Rusty.

If you want them back, says Terence. Gaius uses fish glue. 

What's wrong with that? asks Rusty.

Nothing, says Terence. And what if they're covered in vomit? Or poo?

Gaius will wash them, says Rusty.

So you HAVE decided, says Terence. We won't be blood brothers.

No, we won't, says Rusty. Fingers are less important than toes.

The otter's probably lost them, says Terence. They might have rolled under a tree.

This is one too many possibilities for Rusty.

He starts weeping, picturing his toes, lost by the otter, under a tree.

It Happened Once In Scotland

Gaius has explained the igloo joke to Terence, who now understands it.

Terence thinks he will test it on Rusty.

Where is he?

Here he comes now with Mathilde, Bertille's mother.

Mathilde is holding his hand. He's walking funny.

Here we are at last, says Mathilde. Have we missed much?

Some good jokes, says Gaius. Terence will tell you.

Let us sit on a bench, says Mathilde. Rusty has trouble standing. 

I might need special shoes, says Rusty.

Maybe you could get your toes back from the otter, says Bertille.

Unlikely, says the Head of Slugs. He'll have swallowed them by now.

Then he'll vomit, says Terence.

Or he won't vomit, says Gaius. Just because that happened once, with a gold coin, and a different otter, in Scotland, doesn't mean this otter will vomit.

What are you suggesting? asks the Head of Slugs.

That this otter, Hideo, may have spat them out and be toying with them at this moment, says Gaius. 

Or, if he has swallowed them, says Jean-Claude, and he doesn't vomit, he must defecate eventually. And then, le voilà!

Yuck, dad! says Bertille. That's disgusting.

But we must admit all possibilities, says Gaius. 

All right, says the Head of Slugs. My break is nearly over, and I must return to my office. I shall go via the otter pool. 

I'll come with you, says Gaius. This sea slug is growing heavier by the moment.

Gaius and the Head of Slugs head for the otter pool.

Terence sits beside Rusty, and asks him what penguins build their houses with.

I don't know, says Rusty.

Igloo, says Terence. 

It's a poor version of the original riddle, and Rusty is puzzled.

Not Julius Freezer

Terence is the first to see penguins. 

They are big ones, with orange cheek patches.

Bertille reads the sign: Manchots royaux.

That means they're king penguins, says Bertille. Hey! What's wrong with you?

Nothing, says Terence. But these penguins don't look very jokey.

Talk to them, says Bertille. You never know.

Terence edges closer to one of the penguins.

Hello.

Haurrr! says the penguin royal.

My best friend is a penguin, says Terence.

Haurrr! says the penguin royal.

He's not a real penguin, says Terence.

The penguin royal turns away.

Haurrr! This kid's best friend is not a real penguin.

Wait! says Terence. He LOOKS like a penguin. And he knows penguin jokes. That's why I love him.

The penguin royal turns again. Penguin jokes. He knows a few.

Ice caps, says Terence.

What do we wear on our heads? says the penguin royal. 

Terence is captivated. The penguin royal knows the question!

Magnifique! An emperor penguin, says Jean-Claude, coming up behind Terence. 

No, says Gaius, coming up behind Jean-Claude. A king penguin.

Read the sign, dad, says Bertille. It's a penguin royal.

What are Emperor penguins called? asks the penguin royal.

What? asks Terence.

Julius Freezer, says the penguin royal.

Ha-ha-ha! laughs Gaius, doubling over with mirth at the classical reference.

The Head of Slugs looms up behind all of them.

No good jokes here, I bet, says the Head of Slugs.

He says he's called Julius Freezer! says Jean-Claude.

Not HIM! says Gaius. The Emperor penguin is called Julius Freezer.

These are not Emperor penguins, says the Head of Slugs.

We've established that, says Gaius. But the joke was quite funny.

I have a better one, says the penguin royal.

Spare us, says the Head of Slugs. Go back to your pool and practise your speed launching.

No, tell us! cries Terence.

How does a penguin build its house? asks the penguin royal.

How? asks Terence.

Igloos it together, says the penguin royal.

What with? asks Terence.

That was it, says the penguin royal. 

It turns to go back to the pool.

Terence looks confused.

Let me explain it, says Gaius.

Fur Shoes

The Head of Slugs walks back to the rock where Rusty is sitting.

Rusty is swinging his feet.

The Head of Slugs notices that Rusty's big toes are both missing.

Should he say something?

No. Too late now. 

And Rusty seems untroubled.

Come on, says Terence. Let's go!

Where to? asks Bertille. The Tropical Pavilion?

Not yet, says Terence. Back where we came from. I missed out on seeing the penguins.

We all did, says Mathilde. Have we time to return to the Polar Pavilion and visit the penguins?

Bien sur, says Jean-Claude. We have all day.

Gaius turns to the Head of Slugs, who must surely be busy.

Shall we join them? asks Gaius. Or shall we repair to your office?

I'm on a break at the moment, says the Head of Slugs. And I too enjoy penguins.

Come on Rusty! says Terence.

Rusty gets down. He seems unsteady

You're losing your balance, says Bertille.

Rusty looks down at his toes. 

Where are your big toes? asks Bertille.

I don't need them, says Rusty. I'm getting some fur shoes.

Not from Hideo, says the Head of Slugs. Did he promise you fur shoes?

Yes, says Rusty.

Hmm, says the Head of Slugs. I'll deal with him later.

Rusty looks sad. No fur shoes, no big toes, and his ice cream is finished.

Come ON! says Terence. Penguins have jokes. You'll be happy!

Don't expect decent jokes from our penguins, says the Head of Slugs. 

But Terence has raced away from the otter pool, towards the Polar Pavilion.

Otters have better jokes, says the Head of Slugs.

Now that does surprise me, says Gaius.

Where do otters come from? asks the Head of Slugs.

A serious question? asks Gaius.

Otter space, says the Head of Slugs.

Gaius realises it was a riddle.

Ha ha! Good one! says Gaius.

Not Teeth Gold Toes

The otter pool is not far away.

A large crowd has gathered to watch the otters.

The otters dive under the water, and pop up again.

You see their mischievous faces.

Every so often an otter scrambles out of the pool and slinks towards a cloakroom.

The other otters play and tumble in the water, creating diversions.

The otter enters the cloakroom.

And does not emerge for some time.

Jean-Claude, Mathilde, Bertille, Terence, Gaius and the Head of Slugs scan the crowd, looking for Rusty.

There he is! cries Terence. 

He runs to a rock where Rusty is licking an ice cream.

Beside him is the black-coated stranger. His eyes glint. He regards Rusty's toes.

The Head of Slugs approaches the black-coated stranger.

Hideo! says the Head of Slugs. I suggest you quietly return that coat to the cloakroom, and get back in the pool. 

Hideo stands. Looks at Rusty's gold toes with regret. And strides towards the cloakroom.

He's fairly harmless, says the Head of Slugs. Others are less predictable.

He was nice, says Rusty. And he knew things.

He didn't know about seals, says Bertille. He thought seals were descended from otters. But they're not. They're descended from bears.

The Head of Slugs is impressed.

Is that so, young lady?

That's what I read on the information board, says Bertille. Bears. They don't look like bears.

Recent evidence suggests that all pinnipeds come from a single ancestor, says Gaius. Possibly enaliarctos, closely related to mustelids and bears.

A proud heritage, says the Head of Slugs. Shall we sit and watch the otters for a bit longer. O ha ha! Look at that one, it's giving us the finger!

That's Hideo, says Rusty.

How do you know? asks Terence.

His mouth's open, says Rusty. I can see his gold teeth.

He doesn't have gold teeth, says the Head of Slugs, standing up and moving closer to Hideo.

The two front teeth of the otter Hideo are not teeth.

They are gold toes, that he is juggling around in his mouth with his tongue.

How naughty!

The Head of Slugs wonders where the gold toes could have come from.

Head Of Slugs

Jean-Claude and Mathilde arrive.

Where is Rusty? asks Mathilde.

Getting an ice cream, says Terence.

With a stranger! says Bertille. But I didn't want one.

Very sensible, says Jean-Claude. At least you are safe, ma chérie.

And me, says Terence.

And you, says Mathilde. But we should be looking for Rusty. Which way did they go?

To the otter trail, says Terence.

Terence thinks the stranger's an otter, says Bertille.

And why does he think that? asks Mathilde.

Because he is, says Terence.

Did he look like an otter? asks Jean-Claude.

No, dad! says Bertille. If he looked like an otter he couldn't have tricked Rusty. He was wearing a long black coat, and his eyes gleamed.

And he said kawai, says Terence.

Jean-Claude and Mathilde are no less worried now the stranger might be an otter.

Right, says Mathilde. We'll head to the otter trail. They're sure to be there.

But Gaius won't know where we are! says Terence. And what about the penguins?

I'll message him, says Mathilde.

However, there is no need.

Gaius appears, with an Oceanopolis official, and the elysia, in its container.

All's well, says Gaius. 

Not quite, says Jean-Claude. We've lost Rusty. But we think he's with an otter.

Then all's not well, says the Oceanopolis official. Was it a European otter or a sea otter?

We don't know, says Mathilde. It was wearing a long black coat, and saying kawai.

Kawai? says the Oceanopolis official.

Are you an otter? asks Terence.

Of course not, says the Oceanopolis official. I work here, as Head of Slugs.

He is extremely interested in the elysia, says Gaius. It has already sprouted an incipient lateral parapodia, with what look like red spots.

That's great, says Jean-Claude, but shouldn't we head for the otter trail?

We'll go to the sea otter pool first, says the Head of Slugs. Even if your lost friend is not there, you will enjoy the mischief and tricks of the otters.

Excellent! says Gaius. 

They all trail out of the Polar Pavilion.

Looks like Terence has missed out on seeing the penguins.