The Less Said The Better

That evening, at the Adelaide airport.

Gaius waits in the boarding lounge, with Terence.

Where on earth are they? asks Gaius.

Maybe they're getting my claw from Roo-kai, says Terence.

Maybe, says Gaius.

Or my finger, says Terence.

Less likely, says Gaius. 

Final call for Mr Sweezus and Mr Rimbaud! announces the desk attendant.

Gaius stands up. 

Should he go to the desk? 

Should he attempt to look frail?

Luckily there is no need to.

Sweezus and Arthur race into the boarding lounge, with their backpacks.

They go up to the desk

Gaius sees the desk attendant nodding.

Arthur comes over.

You're boarding first, says Arthur. And we're going to assist you.

Tch! says Gaius. Must I hobble?

No, says Arthur. Just look bereaved.

What's bereaved? asks Terence.

When you've lost someone, says Gaius. 

What about a part of someone? asks Terence.

Get inside Gaius's back pack, says Arthur. And come.

They make their way onto the plane.

A flight attendant looks at them with compassion. She shows them their seats.

May I help you with your backpacks? asks the flight attendant.

But Sweezus and Arthur have already placed theirs in the overhead locker.

That leaves Gaius's backpack, with Terence inside.

Almost inside. His head is poking out, and she sees him.

Oh! says the flight attendant. What a dear little statue Is it for the grave of your French grandfather?

No, says Terence.

The flight attendant had not expected an answer from Terence.

She looks at Gaius, who declines to explain.

My grandfather is Grandpa Marx, says Terence. He's alive, and he knows everything.

That is debatable, mutters Gaius. 

He would know where my claw is, says Terence.

Have you lost it? asks the flight attendant.

Yes, says Terence, showing her the place.

Gaius is relieved that the subject is no longer the French grandfather, about whom the less said the better.

There might be a box for me somewhere, says Terence. With my claw in it.

I'll have a look, after we take off, says the flight attendant.

She makes mental note to do it.

The plane takes off for Dubai.

No Point Lying

Arthur has been spending a long time on the phone.

How's it going? asks Gaius.

I'm on hold, says Arthur. 

Is that a good sign? asks Gaius.

No, it's normal, says Arthur.

Gaius goes out to the shed, to do things to his bike.

Hmm. It's covered in cobwebs. And the tyres have gone flat.

He wheels it out, disturbing the spiders.

He looks at it critically.

Yes, it just needs a wipe, oil, and pump, and it will do nicely for this year's Tour De France.

He looks forward to it.

He looks for a cloth.

Arthur comes outside, followed by Terence.

Sorted, says Arthur. Three tickets to Paris. On compassionate grounds.

Don't tell me we have to pretend someone close to us has died, says Gaius.

It was that or not get there in time, says Arthur. As it is we have to catch a train from Paris to Lille. But that just takes an hour.

Who did you say died? asks Gaius. 

Our old French grandfather, says Arthur.

Our grandfather? says Gaius. 

Mine and Sweezus's. Your father, says Arthur.

So I'm travelling as your father? asks Gaius.

Yes, says Arthur. I assume you don't mind.

And you and Sweezus as brothers, says Gaius.

Cousins, says Arthur. To explain different surnames.

You think of everything, says Gaius. 

And you're very frail, says Arthur. Which is why we need to go with you.

Wait, says Gaius. This is all very well, but if I'm frail why am I bringing a bike?

Up to you, says Arthur. They probably won't ask you.

Terence has been stepping on spiders.

But he has been listening too.

I know! says Terence. If they ask you, say it's not yours.

I can hardly do that, says Gaius. 

Say you can't walk and you have to get donkeyed, says Terence.

Ridiculous, says Gaius. I could get donkeyed on the back of the bicycle of one of my sons.

You'll think of something, says Arthur.

I hope I don't have to, says Gaius. 

Sweezus who has let himself in, the front door being open, walks through to the back.

Hey! says Sweezus. Got the tickets?

Got them, says Arthur. We fly out tonight.

Awesome, says Sweezus. So, things to do. A quick ride up Mount Lofty. Speed home. Pack our gear. Flat pack our bikes. Bus to the aiport.

Great, says Arthur. Let's go.

Meet you at the airport, says Gaius.

What about me? asks Terence.

You can travel in my back pack, says Gaius. You've done it before.

But how will Roo-kai find me? asks Terence.

He will find you, says Gaius. 

Truly? asks Terence.

If he's looking, says Gaius.

No point lying.

It Must All Have Happened

Sweezus drops Gaius, Arthur and Terence at Gaius's house.

Let me know what time our flight is, says Sweezus.

Okay, says Arthur. Could you flat pack our bikes?

I might get Belle to do that, says Sweezus. She's good at it.

He drives off, with Kant.

Where to now? asks Kant.

To return Katherine's car, says Sweezus. Wanna come with me or be dropped at the office?

I'll come with you, says Kant.

Sweezus drives them to Katherine's house.

Katherine is in her front garden.

How did the trip go? asks Katherine. Did you catch up with Gaius?

Yeah, says Sweezus. He found heaps of dead fish and took measurements. The froth was everywhere. Didn't stop us from surfing.

And the interview? asks Katherine, looking at Kant.

Sweezus has been taking notes, says Kant.

That's good, says Katherine, because Vello asked me to read it, before publication.

We haven't yet covered all topics, says Kant. 

Never mind. Vello asked me to check for a bicycling element, says Katherine.

I had forgotten that, says Kant. I wonder if he'd settle for a supernatural element?

WAS there a supernatural element? asks Katherine.

Yeah, says Sweezus. We stayed at this place that was haunted.

You must tell me all about it, says Katherine. Come inside for a coffee.

They all go inside. Katherine makes the coffee, and produces a plate of chocolate chip biscuits.

This is very nice, says Kant, biting into one. 

Sweezus takes two.

And tells Katherine about old Philip and old Mrs Hill, the red stain, and the pool, and clothes horse.

Kant is nodding as he listens.

So it must all have happened.

You should certainly try to include your supernatural experience, says Katherine, but there must be a bike, or it won't qualify for Velosophy.

I did in fact ride a bike, from Victor Harbor to Goolwa, says Kant. It was my first time and I did rather well.

Yeah he did, says Sweezus. 

Then you must weave that into the interview, says Katherine.

No worries, says Sweezus. Mind if I have these last two?

Go ahead, dear, says Katherine.

She has a soft spot for Sweezus. 

He may be somewhat inadequate as a writer. But he tries.

Kind Of Dangerous

None of this talk has made Terence feel better.

Baby BB is probably dead.

Maybe a skeleton. With one cement finger.

Which will be hard to find.

Cheer up, says Roo-kai. I shall leave now. I promise to return with either your claw or your actual finger.

Hurry up, says Terence.

It may take some time, says Roo-kai.

I'm going to France soon, says Terence.

I hope to be back before that, says Roo-kai 

Sweezus stops the car. Gaius rolls down the back window. 

Roo-kai flies out.

What a strange bird, says Kant. 

Parrot, says Terence.

I can't think of him as a parrot, says Kant.

He's not finding your finger, says Terence.

I suppose that's an example, says Kant.

Of not being a parrot? asks Sweezus. 

No, says Kant. That is not what I meant. Are we there yet?

I usually ask that question, says Terence.

We're not far off, says Sweezus. 

There's the city, says Arthur.

They can see it in the distance as they drive down Lonsdale Road.

A plane has taken off, and is flying out over the ocean.

Terence imagines himself in it.

A flight attendant comes up and gives him a box, saying: This is for you, it was delivered before we took off by a strange parrot. 

Terence opens the box.

Inside the box is a finger.

The flight attendant has waited to see what was in the box, in case it was dangerous.

A finger. That is kind of dangerous. 

Terence changes the scenario. Inside the box is a claw! 

The flight attendant says: Surely that isn't your parrot's claw? I didn't notice it had a claw missing.

And Terence says no, it is his.

And she says: So you're a collector. Good for you. And Terence, although he is not a collector, feels proud.

By now they are on Brighton Road.

Wanna stop at Brighton for a snack? asks Sweezus.

But time is now of the essence. They must be in Lille by the end of the week.

So no one does. 

You Allowed It

So you weren't too popular, says Sweezus. 

I was misunderstood, says Kant. My argument was that faith must be put beyond reason.

How'd you do that? asks Sweezus.

I argued for a moral basis, says Kant.

Awesome, says Sweezus. Arthur?

What? says Arthur, from the back seat.

Could you take notes for me? asks Sweezus.

Okay, says Arthur. On what exactly? 

On Kant's moral basis for faith, says Sweezus.

What is it? asks Arthur.

He hasn't said yet, says Sweezus. 

We all have a sense of what's right, says Kant.

Is that it? asks Arthur. 

No, there's more, says Kant. If you care to peruse the eight hundred pages of the Critique that I have in my suitcase.

Yeah well, bit late now, says Sweezus. But I get it. We all know what's right.

Guess what? says Terence, emerging from the gloom of discovering that Roo-kai has never met Baby BB.

What? asks Sweezus.

I'm going to find Baby BB, says Terence.

He will no longer be a baby, says Gaius. In fact he may not be alive.

Yeah, says Sweezus. It must've been hard for him, flying round with your finger.

It wasn't heavy, says Terence.

But it wasn't a claw, says Gaius. I often wondered how he would manage.

I assume you allowed it, says Kant.

I provided the fish glue, says Gaius.

Kant is silent, thinking of an addendum to 'we all know what's right'.

How are you going to find him? asks Arthur.

By looking, says Terence. And Roo-kai will help me.

I will, says Roo-kai. And I don't need a description. There'll be only one bristlebird with a cement finger.

Unless he died, says Gaius. 

All the easier to get back the finger, says Arthur.

Shit, Arthur, says Sweezus. 

Dead bird, says Arthur. Probably eaten. All that remains is the cement finger.

Much harder to find, in that case. says Gaius. Probably hopeless.

I'm LISTENING, says Terence.

Go For All Lucky

Gaius, Arthur and Terence walk across to the car.

Roo-kai follows.

I didn't mean HIM, says Terence.

Didn't mean who? asks Arthur.

The bike guy, says Terence. The bike guy said thanks.

He must have thought you wanted him to have half our luck, says Gaius.

I wanted it for me, says Terence.

Who wants to be half lucky? asks Arthur. Go for all lucky.

All lucky? says Gaius. There's no such thing as all lucky.

If I get my claw back I'll be half lucky, says Terence. If I see Baby BB I'll be all lucky.

But he won't be, says Gaius.

Why? asks Terence.

I assume you'll be asking him for your finger, says Gaius. Think where that would leave him.

At this point in the ethical lesson, they arrive at the car.

Gaius opens the back door, just as Kant is saying 'In my first critique I believed I had proved it'.

And Sweezus is saying, 'Watch out guys, it's kind of wet in the back'.

As we expected, says Gaius. We'll sit on a towel if you have one.

Yeah, says Sweezus. Should be one in the boot.

Arthur gets a towel out of the boot for himself, Gaius and Terence to sit on.

Don't mind us, says Gaius. Go on with your interview.

Okay, says Sweezus. So how did that go?

Not as well as I expected, says Kant. By concluding that objects of faith could not be proved by pure reason, I had, it seemed, destroyed religion. I assure you it was not my intention.

Yeah, shit happens, says Sweezus.

German priests revenged themselves by calling their dogs Immanuel Kant, says Kant.

A mouthful, says Gaius. 

It's a great story, says Sweezus. Hope I remember it. Anyhow, let's get going.

Am I in or out? asks Roo-kai.

In, says Terence. Sit on me. Do you remember Baby BB?

I don't think I've met him, says Roo-kai.

Bumhole! That's even less than half lucky.

What Brothers Are For

In spite of looking, neither Arthur nor Gaius has spotted the claw.

The rain has eased but this has not helped them to find it.

The claw has been washed off the road and lies in a ditch.

Gaius and Arthur have now given up, having passed the spot they calculated Kant made the call from.

They arrive in Victor.

Terence is waiting outside the bike shop, with Roo-kai.

Did you find it? asks Terence.

Sadly no, says Gaius.

Boo! says Terence. 

Where are the others? asks Arthur.

Here, says Terence showing Arthur his four fingers and the space for the claw.

Not your fingers, says Arthur. Sweezus and Kant.

Over there in the car, says Roo-kai. They're talking philosophy.

Then we won't disturb them, says Gaius. 

He and Arthur wheel the bikes into the bike shop.

Hello guys, says the bike shop guy. How'd it go?

Very successful, says Gaius. We collected some useful information.

Good stuff, says the bike shop guy. Bikes go okay?

Yes, says Gaius. How much do we owe you?

The bike guy calculates the amount owing, less the deposit.

Gaius pays. 

I lost my claw, says Terence.

That was bad luck, says the bike guy. 

Yes, says Terence. It was my blood brother's.

No kidding! says the bike guy. When I was a kid I had a blood brother. We did the whole blood brother thing.

My claw belonged to Baby BB says Terence. He gave it to me, and he's got my finger.

Maybe he'd give it back if you ask him, says the bike guy. That's what brothers are for.

Neither Gaius nor Arthur thinks that is likely, or what brothers are for, but Terence thinks it could happen.

Can we look for Baby BB ? asks Terence.

Not really, says Gaius. We have to make immediate preparations for Lille.

You guys going to the Tour de France? asks the bike guy.

We are, says Gaius. 

Half your luck, says the bike guy. 

What does half your luck mean? asks Terence.

I wish I had half your luck, says the bike guy. 

Me too, says Terence.

Thanks, says the bike guy.