Tin Philosophy

They walk back to the campsite together.

Gaius has cut up the cheese and set out a few apples, in a pleasing formation.

We've got a guest, says Surfing-with-Whales. 

Guests are always welcome, says Gaius. 

Not poisonous ones, says Terence. 

Even poisonous ones are welcome, says Gaius. 

A fellow philosopher, I see, says James Philosopher Smith.

A natural historian, says Gaius. Gaius Plinius Secundus.

James Philosopher Smith, says the Philosopher.

Pleased to meet you, says Gaius. I trust you like cheese.

I do, says James Philosopher Smith. And I'm fond of apples.

He takes one.

Sit down, says Gaius. Make yourself comfy.

Guess what? says Terence.

You spotted a platypus? says Gaius.

He did, says Surfing-with-Whales. 

He shows Gaius the photo.

Gaius is not quite as pleased as Terence might have expected.

You went into the water! says Gaius. 

I was careful, says Terence. And we made friends. 

He was careful, says Surfing-with-Whales. 

Can you send the photo to Sweezus? asks Terence.

Yeah, why not, says Surfing-with-Whales.

He sends the photo of Terence and the platypus to Sweezus.

Do you live hereabouts, James? asks Gaius, munching his first slice of cheese.

Since 1871, says Philosopher Smith. When I discovered tin in the area, at Mount Bischoff.

Ha ha! laughs Terence. Mount Bischoff!

Was there much of it? asks Gaius.

A great deal, says Philosopher Smith. It became the biggest tin mine in the southern hemisphere, but I'd sold my shares before that.

I see why you became a philosopher, says Gaius. 

Yeah, says Surfing-with-Whales. You must've missed out on a fortune.

Philosopher Smith takes a last bite of his apple, and reaches for cheese.

He nods philosophically.

We're going up to look at the falls after this, says Surfing-with-Whales.

In the dark? asks Gaius. 

Yay! says Terence. 

It won't be dark for ages, says Surfing-with-Whales.

His phone dings with a message from Sweezus.

WTF!

They've Got Venom

Yes, it is a platypus, says the Philosopher. You spotted it.

My job is done, says Terence.

He turns to go back down the track.

Surfing-with-Whales is walking up it.

I spotted one! shouts Terence.

A growling noise comes from behind him

Terence turns again.

It wasn't me, says the Philosopher. 

Surfing-with-Whales is now here.

G'day, says Surfing-with-Whales to the Philosopher.

Good day to you, says the Philosopher.

I see you've already met Terence, says Surfing-with-Whales.

So it would seem, says the Philosopher. But I didn't know his name was Terence.

It was, says Terence.

And still is, I presume, says the Philosopher.

Terence ignores this ridiculous statement.

Look! says Terence, pointing to the creek where the platypus is sporting.

Or was.

It is now glaring at the intruders and growling.

They do that, says the Philosopher. Time to move on. They have venom.

Shit! says Surfing-with-Whales. I wanted to get a photo.

What's venom? asks Terence.

Poison, says Surfing-with-Whales. And it doesn't look friendly.

Terence walks across to the creek bank.

The platypus growls.

Where's your venom? asks Terence.

In my back foot, growls the platypus.

Can I see it? asks Terence.

The platypus turns and shows Terence its poisonous spur.

Same! says Terence, showing the platypus his claw. 

Is yours poisonous? asks the platypus.

No, says Terence. That would be stupid. 

Why? asks the platypus. 

Every time I ate something I'd die, says Terence. 

You don't look like someone who would die, says the platypus.

I'm not, says Terence. Okay. But I might give someone something and they might die accidentally.

At least my venom's in my foot, says the platypus. No chance of me dying accidentally.

That's good, says Terence. Are we friends now?

I suppose so, says the platypus.

Let's have a photo together! says Terence.

He steps carefully into the water.

Surfing-with-Whales takes a photo. 

That should be a fine one, says the Philosopher. 

Yeah, says Surfing-with-Whales. Well, we'd better head back to our campsite. 

Not going up to look at my falls? asks the Philosopher.

Your falls? asks Surfing-with-Whales. Are you the Philosopher they're named after?

James 'Philosopher' Smith at your service, says James 'Philosopher' Smith.

Cool! says Surfing-with-Whales. Yeah well, maybe after supper. Wanna come back with us? We've got cheese.

Only cheese? 

Nevertheless, James 'Philosopher' Smith accepts the invitation.

I'm The Philosopher

Terence runs ahead. 

He is platypus-spotting.

He sees a sign with a P, followed by some other letters.

The sign points to a trail. 

Terence thinks about waiting for Surfing-with-Whales before starting out on it.

But why should he? 

Surfing-with-Whales can read, and will know where Terence is going.

Terence sets off up the trail.

What is holding Surfing-with-Whales up, we might wonder?

Could it be his foot, which is hurting again, since the reiki scabs have rubbed off after putting his shoes on?

Or perhaps he has spotted a platypus.

Terence continues up the trail on his own.

Up and up. 

He wonders to himself what a platypus looks like.

He should have asked Gaius. Too late now.

He hears the sound of rushing water.

He sees an old man, standing at the side of the trail.

The old man is tall and thin, with white hair and a bushy white beard like a grandpa.

Hello, young fellow, says the old man.

Hello, says Terence. Are you looking for a platypus?

No, says the old man. Are you?

Yes, says Terence. Do you know what they look like?

Yes, says the old man. Do you?

No, says Terence.

Then, says the old man, how will you know when you see one?

 I'll ask it, says Terence.

And you expect it to answer? says the old man. It may remain silent. 

Terence can't believe that would happen.

I know this trail goes to where they are, says Terence. 

How do you know that? asks the old man.

I saw the P sign, says Terence.

Philosopher Falls, says the old man. That's what that sign is for.

How do you know? asks Terence.

I'm the Philosopher the falls are named after, says the old man.

Like Vello and David, says Terence.

Who are they? asks the old man.

What you said, says Terence. Famous ones. Are you famous?

Only hereabouts, says the old man. 

Okay, says Terence. I have to keep looking for a platypus. 

Do you want me to tell you what they look like? asks the old philosopher.

Okay, says Terence.

About this size, says the philosopher. And furry. With a duck bill and a beaver tail and otter feet. 

Yikes! says Terence. Is that one?

He points to a sleek brown creature moving back and forth in the creek at the side of the trail.

Platypus-Spotting

What are you looking at? asks Gaius.

Not AT, says Terence. FOR.

So what are you looking for? asks Gaius.

A parrot, says Terence.

Any particular type of parrot? asks Gaius.

No, says Terence.

You may like to look for a swift parrot, says Gaius. They are critically endangered and sightings need to be logged.

Okay, says Terence. 

He continues standing there, looking.

Come along, says Gaius. We must get to Waratah before evening.

Want me to look too? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

We should all keep our eyes open, says Gaius.

Thet head for the Waratah highway.

What do they look like? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

Bright green, with a blue patch on top, says Gaius.

Too easy, says Surfing-with-Whales.

Then what? asks Terence.

What do you mean then what? asks Gaius.

If I see one, says Terence.

Perhaps it will be attracted to you, says Gaius.

Why would it? asks Terence.

You could try making swift parrot calls, says Gaius. Chit chit!

Chit-chit! says Terence.

Three or four times in succession, says Gaius.

Chit chit! chit chit! chit chit! chitters Terence.

This is fun.

But if there are any swift parrots nearby, they remain unattracted.

Soon they arrive in Waratah, an old tin mining town.

A sign points to a caravan and campsite.

We'll stop there for the night, says Gaius.

The campsite turns out to be at the side of Lake Waratah.

This is cool, says Surfing-with-Whales. I might go swimming.

He drops his bike and his back pack and runs towards the water.

No swimming, says a man who is fishing. You'll scare off the trout.

Sorry, says Surfing-with Whales. So what's to do beside fishing?

Plenty, says the man. You could try platypus-spotting......

Yeah right, says Surfing-with-Whales.

By the way, says the man. You pay your camping fees at the post office.

Okay, says Surfing-with-Whales. 

He heads back to Gaius and Terence.

No swimming, says Surfing with-Whales. But there's platypus-spotting.

Perhaps you'd like to take Terence platypus-spotting, while I cut up the cheese, says Gaius. 

Yay! says Terence. I always wanted to go platypus-spotting.

Come on then, says Surfing-with-Whales.

Sharp Crumbly Person

They are not far from Burnie.

I look forward to buying the cheese, says Gaius.

Yeah? Me too, says Surfing-with-Whales. I had a dream about it. 

While you slept under the pine tree? asks Gaius.

Yep, says Surfing-with-Whales. But that's not the reason.

What then? asks Gaius.

Mum wants me to buy her one, says Surfing-with-Whales.

You're not thinking of buying it now are you? says Gaius. And traipsing it half way across Tasmania?

Didn't think of that, says Surfing-with-Whales. 

It's up to you, of course, says Gaius.

Are we there yet? asks Terence.

He has just seen a sign that says Burnie. 

The B of which he could read.

Yes! says Gaius. Good spotting Terence! And the Heritage Cheese Factory is just down the road. 

They head towards it.

They arrive at the cheese sales door.

Leaving their bikes outside, they go in.

It's cool in the cheese shop. There are cheeses of different colours, aromas and textures to try. 

Gaius tries a few. Creamy ones Smelly ones.

But he still prefers cheddar.

 May I help you? asks a cheese expert, coming up behind him.

I seek a tasty cheddar, says Gaius,

You strike me as a sharp and crumbly person, says the cheese expert. Try this one.

It's a Mersey Valley classic cheddar, sharp and crumbly.

I'll take it, sys Gaius.

Just the one? asks the expert.

She looks at Surfing-with-Whales, who is looking undecided.

Got one with green peppercorns? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

An afficionado, I see, says the cheese expert. 

She shows him a green peppercorn cheddar.

How long would it keep? asks Surfing with-Whales.

Theoretically, for years, says the cheese expert. Assuming you don't open it. But it's best before some time next April.

Awesome, says Surfing-with-Whales. I'll take it.

Just the one? asks the cheese expert, ever hopeful.

It's a gift for my mum, says Surfing-with-Whales.

Then I assume you'll be paying for it, says Gaius. 

I can't use mum's credit card for a gift for herself, says Surfing-with-Whales.

Hmm, says Gaius. All right, I'll get it, but if we find ourselves lacking food for any reason, we're eating it.

Sure. Thanks, man, says Surfing-with-Whales.

Gaius pays for two cheeses and looks around for Terence.

Where is he?

He has gone back outside.

Yes there he is, looking up at the sky, in hopes of seeing a parrot.

He's Already Had It

Surfing-with-Whales falls asleep under the tree.

The wind in the branches....whoo,  the roar of the ocean....shhrummm. 

He dreams about cheese.

In the dream he is in a specialty cheeseshop in Burnie.

He is choosing a cheese.

He chooses green peppercorn cheddar, sharp and crumbly.

But why does the cheese looks familiar?

A vintage mountain bike approaches, pulling a pullalong.

Terence's voice can be heard.

Are we there yet?

Not yet, says Gaius. But nearly.

Will Surfing-with-Whales be there? asks Terence.

He should be, says Gaius.

What's that? asks Terence.

What's what? asks Gaius.

Someone lying under a tree, says Terence. We just went past him.

I was concentrating on the road, says Gaius. Perhaps we should turn back and see.

Yes, says Terence. 

Gaius turns around and cycles back to the tree.

It is obvious now that the person is Surfing-with-Whales, sleeping under the tree.

His feet are bare, and he is muttering.

Wake up! says Gaius. You'll be missing your reiki session wih Lauren.

Whaaa..? says Surfing-with-Whales. 

Reiki, says Gaius.

Yeah, nah, I've already had it, says Surfing-with-Whales. That's why I stopped here.

Is it better? asks Terence.

Surfing-with-Whales sits up and looks at his cement burn.

It has scabbed nicely.

It worked! says Surfing-with-Whales.

Gaius nods. It may well have. Almost as well as a poultice.

Woo hoo! says Terence. Can we go now?

Yes, says Gaius. It's not far to Burnie.

Yeah, says Surfing-with-Whales, putting his shoes on. Remind me when we get there to buy cheese.

Excellent idea, says Gaius. I too shall buy cheese. It will serve us for dinner, when we stop for the night in a forest.

Cool, says Surfing-with-Whales.

Are we camping? asks Terence.

Yes, says Gaius. We'll make camp after passing through Waratah.

They continue their journey to Burnie.

Where they plan to buy cheese.

Omm Before Cheese

I guess it's my turn to pull Terence, says Surfing-with-Whales.

It is, says Gaius, but you have a sore foot, so I'll do it.

Yeah thanks, says Surfing-with-Whales. I'll get going and meet you in Burnie.

He heads off, in the direction of Burnie.

Time to say goodbye to Baby Bin Penguin, says Gaius.

Goodbye, says Baby Bin Penguin.

Goodbye, says Terence. 

Will you be back soon? asks Baby Bin Penguin.

I don't know, says Terence. 

We'll be returning this way, says Gaius. I don't know when exactly.

See you again then, says Baby Bin Penguin.

You should think up some better jokes, while I'm gone, says Terence.

So should you, says Baby Bin Penguin.

I thought your jokes were quite good, says Gaius.

Thanks, says Baby Bin Penguin.

He meant my jokes, says Terence.

I didn't, says Gaius, lifting Terence into the pullalong, and wedging the skateboard behind him. 

He rides off, in the direction of Burnie.

How's that, Terence? asks Gaius. Can you see better?

No, says Terence. All I can see is your bottom.

Look to your right, at the ocean, says Gaius.

Okay, says Terence.

The ocean is choppy today, with fast-moving white tops,

Surfing-with-Whales is way ahead of them, but has not not yet reached Burnie.

He looks at his watch.

Only five minutes until the reiki. Should he stop and lie down?

Yeah his foot hurts anyway. 

He stops at a tall pine tree, leans his bike against it and sits on the grass.

He looks out at the choppy ocean, awaiting the phone call.

He takes off his shoe and examines his foot. He wriggles his toes

Come on Lauren. 

His phone rings

It's me, says his mother. Are you sitting somewhere comfortable?

Yeah, mum, says Surfing-with-Whales.

Describe the ambience, says Lauren.

A pine tree, says Surfing-with-Whales. I'm under it. The sea's over there, kind of choppy.

Lovely, says Lauren. Now relax and receive my vibrations.

Surfing-with-Whales tries to relax and receive her vibrations.

But he can't stop thinking about that time she did the same thing for Nietszche, and afterwards, when Nietszche had to borrow his boardshorts.

This stops the vibrations from working as well as they might.

Omm omm omm, says Lauren. Sit up now. Your foot should feel better. Does it?

Yeah, thanks ma, says Surfing-with-Whales. Heaps better.

It does actually. In spite of old Nietszche.

How are things otherwise? asks Lauren. Where are you? 

Nearly in Burnie, says Surfing-with-Whales.

Don't they make cheese there? asks Lauren.

Probably, says Surfing-with-Whales.

Pick some up for me, says Lauren. I love Tassie cheese.