A Bus Is More Sensible

Early next morning.

The doorbell rings.

Gaius opens. It's Terence and Belle.

We're here! says Terence. I brought my costume!

He wanted to wear it, says Belle. But I hear that you're travelling by car.

Are we? says Gaius. A bus would be more sensible.

Margaret organised it, says Belle. Isn't she here yet?

Not yet, says Gaius.

But then.

 Katherine's car pulls up in front of his house.

Margaret and Katherine get out.

Terence runs towards them.

Can I wear my costume in the car? asks Terence.

No dear, says Katherine. 

Bumhole! says Terence.

And I don't want to hear you say bumhole again, says Katherine.

Okay, says Terence. But can I bring it?

What? Oh the costume! says Katherine. Yes, if it fits in the boot

Here it is, says Belle. 

Margaret has opened the boot.

Can it be folded? asks Margaret.

NO! says Terence.

Is there room for my back pack? asks Gaius.

Stop fussing, says Katherine.

I wasn't fussing, says Gaius. I was unaware we'd be travelling by car, or even that Katherine was coming.

I am coming, says Katherine. After all it's my car.

It seems I have little choice in the matter, says Gaius. 

And me, says Terence. 

He is wriggling into his costume.

Climb in, says Belle. See if you can sit down.

Terence climbs in, with some help from behind.

But he cannot sit down.

I'll have to stand up, says Terence.

You can't stand up all the way to Canberra, says Margaret. 

I can, says Terence.

Let him try, says Katherine. He has strong legs, and he doesn't need a seat belt.

If you say so, says Margaret. Ready Gaius?

Gaius squeezes his backpack into the boot, between two suitcases, wedged behind a large esky.

Margaret shuts the boot.

Too late, Gaius wonders if he's remembered a pencil.

He climbs in beside Terence.

This is good, says Terence.

Yes, says Gaius.

Ready? says Katherine. Murray Bridge here we come.

Bye, everyone! calls Belle. Have fun!

We will, reply Katherine and Margaret.

Me too! shouts Terence.

The edge of the florin costume digs into Gaius.

Gaius affects a stoic expression.

Gracious Curses

What was that noise? asks Minnie.

Nothing, says Margaret. Now I'm going to call Gaius and tell him we're staying at your place.

When will you be arriving? asks Minnie.

Soon, says Margaret. I'll let you know.

Bye, then, says Minnie.

Bye, Minnie says Margaret.

Margaret calls Gaius who is at home packing.

Gaius, says Margaret, it's all right with Minnie.

What is? asks Gaius.

Staying at her house, says Margaret. Terence is welcome as well.

I've been thinking, says Gaius. I don't want to put your sister to any trouble.

You're not getting out of it, says Margaret. It's already arranged. Now when were you thinking of leaving?

As soon as possible, says Gaius.

Leave it to me, says Margaret. I'll be at your place first thing in the morning.

Curses! says Gaius

What's that? says Margaret.

Gracious! says Gaius.

It sounded more like curses, says Margaret.

A crackly line, says Gaius.

Bye, then, says Margaret.

Yay! says Terence. We're going!

That's lovely, says Belle. We'd better take you home so that you can get ready.

I am ready, says Terence. I only need my costume.

The florin costume? says Belle.

I want to show it to Minnie, says Terence.

It might be hard to pack, says Belle.

I can wear it, says Terence.

Okay, says Belle. I'd better ask Margaret how you'll be travelling.

Margaret is on her phone trying to book flights to Canberra.

But the flights are all full.

She calls a friend from the Geological Society.

The friend is not happy. It's late.

Furthermore she does not want to go on a field trip to Canberra.

And she doesn't like frogs.

Not to mention the cost of the petrol.

So Margaret calls Katherine.

Margaret! says Katherine. Where are you?

In the artists' bar, says Margaret. Trying to tee up a ride to Canberra first thing in the morning. I'm going with Gaius and Terence.

What fun! says Katherine.

Yes, says Margaret. Gaius seems really keen

Does he? says Katherine. Has he said so?

Of course he's said so, says Margaret. 

I'm at a loose end, says Katherine. We could drive there together in my car. Go thirds in the petrol. I can do some sightseeing.

Perfect! says Margaret.

It would seem so.

Perhaps less so to Gaius.

He Blows It

Say hello to my sister Minnie, says Margaret.

Without blowing? says Terence.

Just say it, says Margaret.

Hello Minnie, says Terence.

Hello Terence, says Minnie. I hear Margaret wants to bring you to Canberra.

Yes, says Terence. 

Tell me about yourself, says Minnie.

I used to live on a palace, says Terence.

People don't live ON palaces, they live IN them, says Minnie.

Some people do, says Terence. And they come and go.

I suppose they do, says Minnie. And why are you in the artists' bar with Margaret? Were you in the play?

Yes, says Terence, I was a florin. I had to wear a costume.

Goodness, says Minnie. Was it round?

Yes, says Terence. And it had a front and a back that were different.

What was on the front? asks Minnie.

A flower de lee, says Terence. And on the back, two potatoes.

I should like to see them, says Minnie. 

I'll bring my costume, says Terence. I can wear it to sneak up on frogs.

Frogs! says Minnie. There are no frogs at my house.

That's okay, says Terence. We're going to find some.

Margaret didn't mention frogs, says Minnie. 

Only me, says Terence.

Yes, only you, says Minnie. I shall be happy to meet you. You seem like a nice little boy.

So do you, says Terence.

Thank you! laughs Minnie. Don't forget your costume!

Okay, says Terence.

Yay! He didn't blow it with Minnie.

But she was so friendly, she probably wouldn't have minded.

He's tempted to see.

He blows loudly, down the phone.

Phphrrrrt!

And hands the phone back to Margaret.

Don't Blow It

It's a bit late to call Minnie.

But Margaret calls her anyway.

Margaret? says Minnie. What's the matter?

Nothing's the matter, says Margaret. 

Then why are you calling so late, and what's all that fracas?

Fracas? says Margaret. I'm in the artists' bar at the Fringe.

I don't believe you, says Minnie. 

I've been helping out with a production of Candide, says Margaret.

Isn't that a musical? asks Minnie. You hate musicals.

This wasn't a musical version, says Margaret, it was an excerpt. And I lent them our geological society umbrellas and handed out seeds.

That doesn't sound like the Candide I remember, says Minnie.

You are behind the times, says Margaret. But that's not what I rang for.

Good, says Minnie. What then?

I'm planning on coming for a visit, and bringing a gentleman friend, says Margaret. 

A gentleman friend? says Minnie. Who is it?

It's Gaius, says Margaret. I may have mentioned him, a few years ago.

The natural historian? says Minnie. 

That's him, says Margaret. What do you say?

Good for you, says Minnie. Better late than never. What shall I give him for breakfast?

I don't think he's fussy, says Margaret.

Yes but .... says Minnie.

I'll ask him, and let you know, says Margaret. Oh, and would you mind if I also brought a young lad called Terence?

That's me! shouts Terence.

How young is this lad? asks Minnie. 

Not as young as he looks, says Margaret. And he won't be any trouble.

Was that his voice I heard? asks Minnie.

Yes, says Margaret.

Let me speak to him, says Minnie.

All right, says Margaret.

She hands Terence the phone.

Don't blow it, says Margaret.

Which is not an expression he knows

Shitty Fungus

Henriette, Gaius and Denis drink their hot chocolate.

Gaius looks thoughtful.

What are you thinking? Henriette.

I prefer not to stay with Margaret and her sister, says Gaius.

So tell them, says Denis.

Margaret thinks I'm keen, says Gaius.

How do you know? asks Henriette.

I was talking to Arthur, but she thought I was talking to her, says Gaius.

Just now? asks Denis. How did that happen?

Arthur must have handed his phone to her as I was talking, says Gaius.

How awful, says Henriette. Looks like you're stuck with the sisters.

Look on the bright side, says Denis.

Which is, says Gaius. 

A comfortable bed free of charge, says Denis. Probably a hot breakfast before you set out. The three of you, looking for frogs. Margaret being an expert, and a good chance her sister is too. And even if she isn't, she'll have local knowledge.

Yes, that's all very  well, says Gaius. But I prefer camping, and I'm well-informed about frogs.

Of course you are, says Henriette. Perhaps you should tell them.

Hum, says Gaius.

He should tell them. But how?

.....

In the artists' bar, Margaret gives Arthur his phone.

Thanks, says Arthur. 

We're going to Canberra, says Margaret.

We? says Arthur.

Gaius and I, says Margaret.

Oh are you? says Belle. How lovely. 

Am I going? asks Terence.

Do you want to go? asks Belle. 

Yes, says Terence, I know all about frogs.

Is that so? says Margaret. 

Yes, says Terence. They have different tattoos. And get shitty fungus.

Shitty fungus? says Margaret. I suppose you mean chytrid fungus.

I suppose I mean shitty fungus, says Terence. 

Ha ha, laughs Vello. Terence knows what he means.

He does NOT, says Margaret. And he won't get on well with my sister.

Yes I will, says Terence. She'll love me.

Not if you're rude, says Margaret.

Does that mean I'm coming?  asks Terence. 

Everyone waits for the answer. 

I'll need to ask Minnie, says Margaret.

Minnie. That must be her sister.

Nothing Wrong With Women

The artists' bar is still buzzing.

But it's getting late for some people.

I should think about going, says Gaius.

Me too, says Denis. 

I'll come with you, says Ageless. 

Do I have to go? asks Terence.

You can stay a bit longer and come home with me, says Belle.

Yay! says Terence.

Gaius, Denis and Ageless make their way to the exit.

You're a lucky devil, says Denis.

I hardly think so, says Gaius. 

Margaret, says Denis. Knowing all about frogs, and having that sister.

She tends to be interfering, says Gaius. I can do without her assistance.

Women, says Ageless.

Nothing wrong with women, says Denis. 

Didn't say there was, says Ageless. It was your Henriette who encouraged me to go for the part of Candide.

She did? says Denis. What did she say exactly?

She said she'd pay good money to see me in the role, says Ageless.

I wonder if she did, says Gaius. 

She did, says Ageless I heard her.

 I meant, did she attend the performance? says Gaius.

Didn't see her, says Denis.

She may have left early, says Gaius.

They catch the bus home.

They arrive at Gaius's house.

Henriette is in the kitchen, talking to Kobo.

Me too, Kobo is saying.

Henriette looks up. 

We both hate Q and As, says Henriette. 

Were you at the performance? asks Denis.

Yes, says Henriette. Is it always like that?

Did you find it confusing? asks Gaius.

Not me, says Henriette. I knew about Denis's ankle. How is it, Denis?

Improving, says Denis.

Would you like a hot chocolate? asks Henriette.

I don't think you'll find ingredients for hot chocolate in my house, says Gaius.

Door Dash, says Henriette.

What's that? asks Gaius. 

Someone brings it, says Henriette. Do you want one?

Err...yes please, says Gaius. And then I must pack.

Now? asks Henriette.

Yes now, says Gaius.

He's going to Canberra to check out some frogs, says Denis.

And the sooner the better, says Gaius. I must call Arthur.

He calls Arthur, who is still in the artists' bar, drinking.

What? says Arthur.

Canberra, says Gaius. I'm leaving first thing in the morning.

Where? asks Arthur.

What kind of question is that? says Gaius. Canberra. You must know where that is. Is Margaret still there?

Arthur hands his phone over to Margaret, who is still there.

Because I'd like you to come with me, says Gaius, and I want us to leave ASAP.

You are keen, Gaius! says Margaret. Of course I'll need to tee it up with my sister, but worst case scenario, we can check into a hotel together. 

Gaius is now sorry he called Arthur.

Although he couldn't have known this would happen.

Ding Dong! It's Door Dash.

That was quick.

Three hot chocolates have arrived.

A Spineless Reply

Where where you? asks Gaius.

Getting feedback, says Terence.

Spit it out, says Vello.

They loved me, says Terence. My dance and my socks and my potatoes.

Who is they? asks Vello.

The person who got the last of the seeds, says Ageless. I received feedback as well.

Which was? says Vello.

Perhaps I shouldn't say, says Ageless.

Rubbish, says Vello. Good or bad, we need to hear it.

All right, says Ageless, but Denis might not like it.

I'll live with it, says Denis. 

They said I was good as Candide, says Ageless.

I'm glad they thought so, says Vello. Did they mention Denis?

They said we could have done without him, says Ageless.

They were probably confused, says Belle.

No, we could have done without him, says Vello. But his name was on the flier, and he is well known. Whereas Ageless isn't.

I am now, says Ageless.

Perhaps we'll find a part for you next year, says Vello.

Candide? asks Ageless. 

Hey, says Sweezus. I'm playing Candide next year.

And I won't be here, says Denis.

Plans? asks Gaius.

Plans, says Denis. I'm returning to France. 

I was hoping you might accompany me on my next venture, says Gaius.

Desolé, says Denis.

Margaret has been listening. 

What is your next venture Gaius? asks Margaret.

I plan to journey to Canberra to see first hand the work being done to preserve the green and gold bell frog, says Gaius.

Can I be the frog guy? asks Terence.

Perhaps, says Gaius. I might just ask Arthur.

Arthur hasn't been listening. If he had he would not want to go.

But if he had heard Margaret asking he might have agreed to go anyway. 

To prevent the next thing from happening.

Canberra! says Margaret. I have a sister there!  You can stay with her. And I'll come too, of course. Perhaps I can make myself useful, I'm quite knowledgeable about frogs.

Oh, are you? says Gaius. 

A spineless reply.