Weak At The Knees

Will you remember me? asks Prong.

I don't have to remember you, says Terence.

I mean when I'm a parrot from years  ago, like Mouldy, says Prong.

Yes, says Terence. I'll remember you when it's years ago.

Thank you, says Prong.

Are we there yet? asks Terence.

We'll arrive late tonight, says Katherine. Even later, if we're stopping for dinner.

I think we should stop for dinner, says Gaius. 

All right, says Katherine. We'll stop in Pinnaroo.

Was that where I got Prawny, asks Terence.

No, says Katherine.

See, says Terence. I remembered Prawny.

Of course you did, says Gaius. It was a short time ago.

It's funny we don't remember Mouldy, says Katherine.

A few things are coming back to me, says Gaius. He was one of three pebbles Terence encountered.

Which one? asks Terence.

The mouldy one, says Gaius. And he travelled with us for a time.

A pebble? says Prong. How did he do as a parrot?

Perhaps Belle will have unnearthed more information, says Gaius. She's going to look at her M file.

Why EM file? asks Terence.

M for Mouldy, says Katherine.

To Terence, that doesn't sound right.

.... 

But it is right, and Belle has found her M file.

It contains Mouldy's parrot passport, as well as a few bits and pieces.

A receipt for a tiny bicycle. A short poem by Terence.

A note from the Hong Kong police: Wanted: Mouldy. Last seen cycling across the Sea Bridge from Hong Kong to China, on a bicycle. 

Belle looks at Mouldy's passport photo and compares it to the one Gaius has sent her of Prong.

Mouldy's beak looks unusual. 

Yes she remembers it now. Mouldy had no beak, and so two false red fingernails had been attached to his face, with fish glue.

And a few feathers, obtained from ...who?

And Prong. She seems to have curly whiskers, unusual in a parrot.

She looks nothing like Mouldy.

But so what? All Belle has to do is change the photo on Mouldy's passport.

Easy. 

She looks again at Terence's poem:

la la la three good things/ about Mouldy's beak / his voice is longer/ his smell is stronger/ if you kiss him his knees will go weak.

In My M File

Belle has a lot of things to do. 

And now Arthur has asked her to organise a parrot passport.

There's no time to apply for a new one.

She calls Gaius.

Belle! says Gaius. How delightful!

Yes, says Belle. I hear you're joining team Condor.

I am, says Gaius. And I hear Surfing-with-Whales has joined Team Philosophe.

Don't remind me! says Belle. 

I'm sure they'll be a great combination, says Gaius. No doubt his presence will make them go faster.

Everyone's saying that, says Belle. But no one's said why.

Well, he is younger, says Gaius. And probably fitter.

But he's not a philosopher, says Belle. He might not fit in.

Nonsense, says Gaius. I'm not a philosopher, but no one ever told me I didn't fit in.

You were reliable, says Belle. And you ARE philosophical. 

Thank you for saying so, says Gaius. I suppose if anything, I'm a stoic.

Exactly, says Belle. By the way, are you still in Canberra?

No, says Gaius. As a matter of fact, we are on our way back to Adelaide. Katherine has kindly cut short her holiday, and is driving us home.

Great, says Belle. Is Terence with you?

Yes he is, along with his new parrot, says Gaius. Her name is Prong.

That's useful to know, says Belle. Arthur was asking me about a parrot passport. 

Was he? asks Gaius. I thought he was dealing with the parrot passport himself.

You know Arthur, says Belle. 

I suppose he thought you might have one on file somewhere, says Gaius.

I might, says Belle, but it was a long time ago. Do you remember which of Terence's parrots it was for?

Gaius thinks back. 

It may have been Mouldy, says Gaius.

Mouldy! says Belle. Yes it was. We had to make him look like a parrot.

Prong already looks like a parrot, says Gaius.

That should make things simpler, says Belle. I'll see if I've got Mouldy's old passport in my M file.

Excellent, says Gaius. I'll send you a photo of Prong.

Thanks, Gaius, says Belle. See you soon. Bye.

Goodbye, says Gaius.

Was that Belle on the phone? asks Katherine.

Yes, Arthur has organised a parrot passport for Prong, says Gaius.

It sounded like Belle was going to do it, says Katherine.

She may have Mouldy's old passport on file, says Gaius.

Mouldy! says Terence. What happened to Mouldy?

But it was years ago, and no one remembers.

Prong wonders if she should be worried.

They'll Go Faster

Sweezus and Arthur have begun their intensive training program.

They are in a cafe in Norwood.

Good coffee, says Sweezus.

Not bad, agrees Arthur.

Sweezus's phone rings.

It's Surfing-with-Whales.

Hey man! says Surfing-with-Whales. You in the city?

In Norwood, says Sweezus. About to start intensive training.

Shit yeah, says Surfing-with-Whales. I should think about doing that too.

How come? asks Sweezus. 

Barcelona, says Surfing-with-Whales. I've been selected.

Selected, says Sweezus. Who by? Don't they know you?

Very funny, says Surfing-with-Whales. I heard you got let down by Pablo. Thought you might ask me.

Gaius put his hand up, says Sweezus. He's reliable and he pays for himself.

Yeah well, Team Philosophe asked me, says Surfing-with-Whales. 

You have to be kidding, says Sweezus.

What? asks Arthur.

Surfing-with-Whales is riding for Team Philosophe, says Sweezus.

Good for him, says Arthur. They'll go faster.

What did Arthur say? asks Surfing-with-Whales. 

He reckons with you in the team they'll go faster, says Sweezus.

Did he say why? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

No he didn't, says Sweezus. 

Ask him, says Surfing-with-Whales.

Ask him yourself mate, says Sweezus. Hey, why don't we catch up? Do intensive training together.

Cool, says Surfing-with-Whales. Just got to buy a new bike first. Haven't ridden for ages.

No worries, says Sweezus. Get Vello to pay for it.

Good plan, says Surfing-with Whales. See ya later.

Yeah, see ya, says Sweezus.

Sweezus is about to put his phone away when he remembers the funny parrot photo Gaius sent him.

He shows it to Arthur.

Is that Terence's new parrot ? asks Arthur.

I reckon, says Sweezus. Oh yeah, and Gaius wants you to get it a passport.

Why me? asks Arthur.

Dunno. I guess he thinks you're a fixer, says Sweezus. 

Arthur frowns. A fixer. It means people expect him to do stuff.

But he doesn't feel like making the effort for a parrot passport.

He will have to ask Belle.

The Scoundrel

Do I have a passport? asks Terence.

I hope so, says Gaius. I don't want to have to get you one as well.

Sometimes I go in the overhead locker, says Terence.

How awful! says Minnie.

Why is it awful? asks Prong.

It's dark and rumbly, says Terence. With no snacks.

You have hardly ever had to go in an overhead locker, says Gaius. 

Cheese toastie? asks Minnie.

Yes please, says Gaius.

I'll make it, says Margaret.

She starts cutting slices of cheese.

Really Gaius, you ought to find out if you're going, says Katherine.

I know that, says Gaius. It seems there was some sort of mixup.

A mixup with Pablo? says Katherine. Has he replied yet to anyone?

I'm still in the dark, says Gaius.

I'll phone David, says Katherine . He must have heard something by now.

She calls David.

Mother! says David. How was the National Gallery?

Thrilling, says Katherine. We saw a spectacular parrot with curly whiskers.

That sounds less than thrilling, says David.

It was a New Acquisition, says Katherine. Any news about Pablo?

The worst, says David. Vello is spitting chips.

Why? asks Katherine. What's happened?

Pablo's riding for Movistar, says David.

What a scoundrel, says Katherine. So you'll need Gaius.

Gaius is about to chomp into his toastie, but stops.

No, says David, Vello wants new blood. He's going to ask Surfing-with-Whales.

You're joking, says Katherine. 

I know he's unreliable, says David. 

Well anyway, it's all good news for Gaius, says Katherine.

Yes mother, says David. Well I must be off now. Vello and I have an intensive training schedule.

I bet, says Katherine.

What did he say? asks Gaius, through a mouthful of cheese.

They're asking Surfing-with-Whales, says Katherine. Which means Sweezus will have to ask you.

Then why hasn't he? wonders Gaius.

Ask him, says Katherine.

Why not?

Gaius calls Sweezus.

I was just about to call you, says Sweezus. You still available?

I am, says Gaius. 

Great, says Sweezus. Can you buy your own ticket?

I suppose so, says Gaius. Can you check with Arthur about the parrot passport?

What parrot passport? asks Sweezus.

For Terence's parrot, says Gaius. I'll send you a photo.

Yeah okay, says Sweezus. No worries.

He promptly forgets about the parrot passport, as he has an intensive training program to start on.

So he is surprised sometime later when his phone pings.

Ping! 

WTF! A parrot with whiskers!

Proof That It Happened

 So are you done with the bell frogs? asks Katherine.

I am, says Gaius. I just need to write up my notes.

I'll help you, says Margaret.

No need, says Gaius. I shall do it. Perhaps you could add a corroborating note when I've finished. 

Pity you didn't film the funeral, says Margaret.

Don't rub it in, says Gaius.

So there's no proof that it happened? says Minnie.

We saw it happen, says Margaret. 

I wish I saw it happen, says Terence.

Never mind, says Katherine. You came to the National Gallery and smuggled Prong past an attendant.

How did he do that? asks Gaius. 

In his shorts, says Katherine.

Where's Prong now? asks Margaret.

Outside getting fresh air, says Terence. 

I'd like to hear her side of the story, says Gaius.

I'll get her, says Terence.

He goes out of Minnie's front door and comes back with Prong.

Tell us about the National Gallery, Prong, says Gaius.

I got curly whiskers! says Prong.

I don't see them, says Gaius. Did they drop off?

Katherine takes out her phone and shows Gaius and Margaret the photo of Prong in front of the New Acquisition.

The one in which Prong appears to have curly whiskers.

What's that behind you? asks Margaret.

An art-parrot, says Prong.

Now you're an art-parrot, says Gaius. You should keep that photo.

Yes. She might need it for her parrot passport, says Katherine. 

It won't do for that, says Gaius. Prong doesn't have curly whiskers.

I wish I did, says Prong.

We could make her some, says Terence.

No we couldn't says Gaius.

I probably could, says Minnie. I have plenty of  leftover wool.

Do you knit? asks Katherine. How clever!

I don't want knitted whiskers, says Prong.

Don't worry I won't knit them, says Minnie. I'll cut strands, curl them and starch them. But you can't get them wet.

Yay! says Terence. I told you you'd get curly whiskers.

Prong is elated.

Curly whiskers! To match her passport photo. Who cares if she can't get them wet?

Fascinating Display

The bell frogs have halted, after forming a circle around the grass pile covering Prawny.

One of them speaks:

Goodbye Prawny, I am the bell frog who did not eat you. Much good did that do.

Another one speaks:

I am his neighbour. Goodbye Prawny.

The first one speaks again:

Is that all you're planning on saying?

The neighbour speaks again: Yes.

The other twenty five bell frogs croak in unison:

Rrrr! Rrrr! Rrrr!

They disperse, towards their pyramids and holes.

The funeral seems to be over.

That was a fascinating display of bell frog behaviour, says Gaius. Curses! I wish I had filmed it.

Write it down in your notebook, says Margaret. 

Who will believe me? says Gaius.

I can attest to it, says Margaret. 

That might help, I suppose, says Gaius. 

Let's go back to Minnie's for lunch, says Margaret.

Didn't we bring anything? asks Gaius.

No, we didn't, says Margaret.

They head back to Minnie's, on bikes.

Katherine and Minnie are already there, making cheese toasties.

How were the frogs? asks Katherine.

You won't believe this, says Margaret.

I thought you were going to attest to the story, says Gaius.

I am, says Margaret. The frogs were holding a funeral for Prawny..

Katherine and Minnie look sceptical.

Terence comes in.

Guess what? says Terence.

You guess what, says Katherine.

What? asks Terence.

The bell frogs held a funeral for Prawny, says Katherine. Ask Gaius and Margaret.

Did they say a poem? asks Terence.

In a manner of speaking, says Gaius. The first speaker claimed to be the one who didn't eat Prawny, but added much good did that do.

What does that mean? asks Terence.

It means he may as well have eaten Prawny, says Margaret.

That was a rubbish poem! says Terence. 

It may have been intended as a sorrowful remark, says Gaius.

Did anyone say anything else? asks Terence.

Another bell frog claimed he was the neighbour, says Gaius..

And he said Goodbye Prawny, says Margaret.

So he did, says Gaius. Thank you, Margaret.

That was the shortest poem ever, says Terence.

Everyone agrees that it was.

We All Have Plans

When will you people be leaving? asks the green and golden bell frog.

When we have counted at least thirty of your species, says Gaius.

How many have you counted already? asks the green and golden bell frog.

Three, plus you, says Gaius. Unless you were one of the three.

Maybe I was, maybe I wasn't, says the green and golden bell frog. How would I know?

Where were you five minutes ago? asks Margaret.

Good question, says Gaius. Do you know?

Of course I know, says the green and golden bell frog.

Will you tell us? says Margaret. The sooner we get up to thirty, the sooner we'll leave.

Not necessarily, says Gaius. I may have further questions.

That's not the impression you gave, says the green and golden bell frog.

Apologies, says Gaius. My intentions are benign.

Why do you want us to leave? asks Margaret.  

We have plans, says the green and golden bell frog.

We all have plans, says Margaret.

I know, says the green and golden bell frog. I was listening.

Oh? says Gaius. What did you hear?

Subtext, says the green and golden bell frog.

I don't believe that for a minute, says Margaret.

YOU want to be his girlfriend and HE wants to get rid of you, says the green and golden bell frog.

Ha ha! laughs Gaius, in an awkward way, that makes Margaret suspicious.

But no, the bell frog is wrong. The trip to Mawson Ponds has been going so well.

Ha ha! laughs Margaret, in a confident manner.

Gaius is relieved.

Do your plans involve us not being here? asks Gaius.

Yes, says the bell frog. We're planning a funeral.

Not one of your own, I hope! says Gaius. Is it the chytrid fungus?

No, says the bell frog. It is Prawny, next to whom you are sitting, in case you don't know.

Jumping Jupiter! says Gaius. This is interesting! Were you all fond of Prawny?

We were, says the bell frog. He was plucky.

He was, says Gaius. He was a friend of ours too.

I suppose you could stay and observe, if you move back a little, says the bell frog.

We'd be honoured, says Gaius.

We would, agrees Margaret.

When is this funeral? asks Gaius. 

Now, says the bell frog. Stand back.

Gaius and Margaret move back.

At least twenty seven bell frogs emerge from various black brick-holes and plastic heat-trapping pyramids and line up to file past the heap of grass covering plucky dead Prawny.

A sight which is movingly solemn.