He Wanted A Monkey

Prong flies down again.

How'd that go? asks Federico.

He put his bear on a branch but it kept tipping sideways, says Prong. So he said he should've asked for a monkey.

We don't have a monkey, says Terence.

No, but now he's happy keeping the bear if we leave him the rope, says Prong.

Our rope? says Terence.

We won't need it after the rescue, says Arthur. 

Is he being a lookout? asks Terence.

Even better, says Prong. He's going to fly down and distract the Virgin.

Did he say how? asks Arthur.

No, says Prong. Maybe he'll show her his bear.

That would be a bad plan, says Federico. She would look at his bear, then naturally turn to look down at her own.

Well maybe he won't do that, says Prong. 

Anything else we should know? asks Arthur.

He asked if Sartre is THE Sartre, says Prong. And I didn't know.

What's THE Sartre? asks Terence.

The philosopher, says Arthur. 

So is he? asks Terence.

You can ask him, says Arthur. He should be here any minute.

And truly, he should be here any minute.

The illuminations on the Sagrada Familia have now been turned off.

Dawn is breaking.

And two men are approaching the Nativity facade.

Hey guys! says Sweezus. We made it!

Hey, says Arthur. So did we. This is my friend Federico.

Garcia Lorca, says Federico. 

Poet! says Sweezus. Hey man, good to meet you. And this is Sartre.

Jean Paul, says Sartre.

Are you THE Sartre? asks Terence.

Who's asking? asks Sartre.

Me, says Terence. And Holy Spitball.

Sartre is taken aback. Who's Holy Spitball?

The lookout, says Terence. He wanted a monkey, but now he just wants our rope.

To hold his bear in place, says Arthur

Seems we've got stuff to catch up on, says Sweezus.

Arthur starts explaining.

Sartre listens but feels he has missed an opportunity.

What does it matter who Holy Spitball is?

He should have just told Terence that yes, he is THE Sartre.

Not THE Sartre?

Prong explains that the bear was not stolen, as such.

It's going to be paid for, says Prong.

I suppose I'll have to take your word for it, says Holy Spitball.

So are we okay? asks Prong. Will you act as a lookout?

Yes, says Holy Spitball. When do you make your move?

As soon as we get the rope and the net, says Prong.

Don't you have them? asks Holy Spitball.

They're coming from Paris, says Prong. 

You can buy nets and ropes in Barcelona, you know, says Holy Spitball.

It's not that, says Prong. 

Your choice, says Holy Spitball.

The normal bear is tipping sideways again.

Holy Spitball rights it.

Tell you what, says Holy Spitball. I could use that rope when you're finished.

Okay, says Prong. So you're keeping the bear. You don't want a monkey?

Who knows how long it will take to get a monkey? says Holy Spitball. 

You can have the rope, once I've used it, says Prong. 

Great, says Holy Spitball. So how shall we do this?

What? asks Prong.

Me being a lookout, says Holy Spitball. 

Watch the Virgin, says Prong, and send me as signal when she's distracted.

Even better, says Holy Spitball. I'll distract her myself.

What about your bear? asks Prong.

Let me deal with that, says Holy Spitball.

Okay, says Prong. When we're ready I'll fly up to you, then you fly down and distract her, and I fly down and switch baby bears.

Will you have the rope? asks Holy Spitball.

And the net, says Prong.

So now we're just waiting for the rope and net to arrive from Paris, says Holy Spitball. 

On the next train, says Prong.

Who's bringing them? asks Holy Spitball.

Sweezus and someone called Sartre, says Prong.

Not THE Sartre? says the Holy Spitball. 

But Prong, being from Australia, does not know.

Not Stolen

Prong flies back down.

Which bear is he having? asks Terence.

He chose the normal one, says Prong. 

Problem solved, says Arthur.

Except for one thing, says Federico. It hasn't been paid for.

I'll pay for it later, says Arthur.

Did you STEAL it? asks Terence.

No, says Arthur. I forgot I was holding it.

Yes, that's different, says Terence.

Shall I take this bear up to Holy Spitball? asks Prong.

Yes, says Terence. Then he'll start being our lookout.

Arthur gives the normal bear to Prong, who flies up to the cypress tree, holding it in her beak.

Hee-ooo-ah, says Prong.

Pardon? says Holy Spitball.

Ay-ih, says Prong.

Holy Spitball assumes she means take it.

He is used to such mumbles.

He takes the normal bear in his beak and tries to balance it on a branch.

It tips sideways, and is going to fall, but he saves it.

I should have asked for a monkey, says Holy Spitball.

A monkey? says Prong.

A monkey has better grip, says Holy Spitball. Longer legs. The right sort of tail.

I see, says Prong.

Where did you get it? asks Holy Spitball.

I think it came from a toyshop, says Prong/

Then perhaps you could exchange it, says Holy Spitball.

No, says Prong. We couldn't. 

Why not? asks Holy Spitball.

Because it hasn't been paid for, says Prong.

Don't tell me it's STOLEN! says Holy Spitball.

Not stolen, says Prong. 

She tries to remember how Arthur had put it.

Eat It Or Worse

 All right, she gets twins, says Arthur. 

Twins are good, says Terence. They can play with each other.

The Virgin will notice, says Prong.

She'll just think she forgot, says Terence.

Forgot she had twins? says Federico.

Yes, says Terence. But we should take them out of their packets.

I'll do it, says Federico.

He opens the packets, and extracts the tiny Sylvanian bears. 

And their handbags.

What's in them? asks Terence.

Baby things, says Arthur.

Now what? asks Federico.

We wait, says Arthur.

What for? asks Federico.

For Sweezus and Sartre, says Arthur. 

What's their part in this escapade? asks Federico.

They're bringing the rope and the net, says Terence.

What for? asks Federico.

You'll have to ask them, says Arthur. They should be here soon.

I bet I could do the rescue without the rope and the net, says Prong.

How? asks Terence.

Fly up with one baby, drop it into the bowl, and watch what happens, says Prong.

They might make friends, says Terence.

All right, fly up with two babies drop them into the bowl, watch what happens, says Prong.

They might start to fight, says Terence.

And the Virgin will think she's got triplets, says Federico.

Okay, says Prong. I won't wait, I'll pick up the one to be rescued and fly down with it.

What if it doesn't want to come? asks Federico.

That's where the net comes in useful, says Arthur.

This could all be avoided if you only replace one baby with another, says Federico.

Then we'll have a spare baby, says Prong.

I know! says Terence. Fly up and ask Holy Spitball if he wants it.

He wanted one that was different, says Prong.

Ask him if he wants the baby or the normal one, says Terence.

Yes, there's an answer for everything.

I'll do it right now, says Prong.

She flies up to Holy Spitball, who is waiting in the cypress tree.

Where is my bear? asks Holy Spitball.

A quick question, says Prong. Would you prefer a tiny one with a bag of baby things or a normal bear that's a big bigger?

What's the Virgin getting? asks Holy Spitball.

A tiny one, says Prong.

Same as my one? asks Holy Spitball.

Mm, says Prong. But you could take its shirt off.

How would that look? asks Holy Spitball. Me taking its shirt off.

Suspicious, agrees Prong. Like you were planning to eat it.

Or worse, says Holy Spitball.

Prong can't think of anything worse.

But she supposes Holy Spitball's job is to think of such things. 

The Normal Alternative

Arthur and Federico go back to the bar.

Federico goes off for more drinks.

Arthur puts the normal bear on the table.

Federico comes back.

Why do you have that bear? asks Federico.

I forgot I was holding it, says Arthur.

Federico laughs. Why should he care?

So you will want to return it? asks Federico.

Maybe later, says Arthur. But it might come in useful.

How so? asks Feredeico.

The replacements are meant to be different, says Arthur.

Do we know why? asks Federico.

No, says Arthur.

Let us conjecture, says Federico. Perhaps they are replacements for two different bears.

I don't think so, says Arthur. 

Time to come clean, mi amigo, says Federico. What is the situation?

Finish your drink and let's go, says Arthur.

Si, rapida, says Federico. 

He gulps his drink down. So does Arthur,

Got the babies? asks Arthur.

Got them, says Federico.

Arthur picks up the normal bear. 

And leads Federico to the Sagrada Familia.

Bello! says Federico. Such tasteful illuminations!

Arthur agrees, they are tasteful.

He looks around for Terence and Prong.

Prong spies him first, and flies over. 

Have you brought them? asks Prong.

Yes, says Arthur,. Two baby bears. Show her, Fedo.

Federico produces the babies, in their packets, each  with their holder for baby things.

We specifically asked for them to be different, says Prong.

They're hard to obtain, says Federico. These were the only Sylvanian baby bears in the toyshop.

I suppose we could take their little shirts off, says Prong. 

They'd still look the same, says Arthur. That's why I brought this alternative.

He shows Prong the normal alternative.

Prong stares at the normal alternative.

Squawk! I'll get Terence!

She flies off and comes back with Terence.

Look at this pickle! says Prong.

Terence looks at the two baby bears and the normal alternative.

He sees no problem.

The Virgin gets twins.

Holy Spitball gets the normal alternative.

Not A Handbag As Such

Arthur and Federico enter the toyshop.

Bienvenidos, chicos! says the owner. 

Hola, senor, says Federico. 

Arthur has started looking for bears.

He picks up a normal one. Smallish.

Mi amigo is looking for the Sylvanian bears, says Federico.

Ciertamente, says the owner. 

He indicates a shelf of Sylvanian families, including the bears.

Federico and Arthur look at the bear family. 

Father, mother, brother, sister.

No bebé? asks Federico.

No bebé, says the owner. Separada.

He shows Federico a small packet containing a separate baby. 

It's not for me, says Federico. It's for him.

The owner shows it to Arthur.

Bebé, says the owner.

It might be too small, says Arthur. Does it come with a bonnet?

No bonnet, says the owner. Who is it for?

It's a replacement, says Federico.

Who has lost their bebé? asks the owner.

Arthur decides not to lie.

No one yet, says Arthur. But when they do, we'll need a replacement.

What a thoughtful young man, says the owner. Finding a replacement for a bear that is not even lost.

Thanks, says Arthur.

Is it for your little sister? asks the owner. Is she careless?

No, says Arthur. But someone might take it.

We would like to buy two of them, says Federico. Pity about the bonnet.

They do come with a handbag, says the owner.

What would a baby bear do with a handbag? asks Federico.

Arthur wonders the same.

I have never thought about it, says the owner. Perhaps it's not a handbag, as such.

What then? asks Federico.

For its baby things, says the owner.

Si, baby things, says Federico. Shall we have the two, Arthur?

Arthur looks undecided.

The owner would like to get rid of the babies, which do not sell well.

You can have two for the price of one, says the owner. 

Muchas gracias, says Federico. And how much is that?

Four euros, says the owner.

Federico pays the four euros with his credit card.

Muchas gracias, says Arthur, as he exits the shop with Federico, and the normal bear which he has forgotten he's holding.

Moon Wisdom

Hola, mi amigo! says Federico.

Hola, Fedo, says Arthur. 

Good to see you , says Federico. Can I buy you a drink?

Arthur doesn't say no. 

Federico orders two absinthes.

And what are you doing in Barcelona? asks Federico. 

This and that, says Arthur. You?

Poetry slam, says Federico. What do think of this one? Moon came to the forge in its petticoat of nard.

That's one of your old ones, says Arthur.

Who will know? asks Federico.

I know, says Arthur. 

Apart from you, says Federico. 

Moon, moon, says Arthur. What's with you about moons?

I like moons, says Federico. The moon is dead, dead. It will come back to life in the spring.

Moon wisdom, says Arthur. 

Federico orders more absinthe.

Arthur remembers he was going to ask Federico something about a toyshop.

What was it?

In the branches of of the laurel tree I saw two dark doves, says Federico. One was the moon and one was the sun.... You look bored.

Me, never, says Arthur.

Tell me about this and that, says Federico. 

All right, says Arthur. Any idea where I'd find an open toyshop?

At this hour? says Federico.

Mm, says Arthur. I need to obtain two Sylvanian bears.

Only two? asks Federico.

Replacements, says Arthur.

Tried eBay? asks Federico.

I need them tonight, says Arthur. 

Then we shall go looking, says Federico. One more drink first.

They have it, and then go out into the streets of Las Ramblas.

Are you replacing the mother and father, or the brother and sister? asks Federico.

Merde! says Arthur. 

Because he doesn't know.

He thinks back to Prong's earlier description. A hairy baby. Wearing a bonnet.

One must be a sister, says Arthur. It was wearing a bonnet.

The sister wouldn't wear a bonnet. says Federico. Perhaps it's the baby?

Is there a baby? asks Arthur.

Yes, a very small baby, says Federico. It's the only one I can think of that might wear a bonnet.

Arthur has a bad feeling that all the bear babies are exactly the same.

If so, should he get two babies, or a baby and a sister?

Or a brother. Since the bonnet will be on the baby.

Look! says Federico. A toy shop!

Is it open? 

Of course. This is Spain.