Nothing Wrong With Women

The artists' bar is still buzzing.

But it's getting late for some people.

I should think about going, says Gaius.

Me too, says Denis. 

I'll come with you, says Ageless. 

Do I have to go? asks Terence.

You can stay a bit longer and come home with me, says Belle.

Yay! says Terence.

Gaius, Denis and Ageless make their way to the exit.

You're a lucky devil, says Denis.

I hardly think so, says Gaius. 

Margaret, says Denis. Knowing all about frogs, and having that sister.

She tends to be interfering, says Gaius. I can do without her assistance.

Women, says Ageless.

Nothing wrong with women, says Denis. 

Didn't say there was, says Ageless. It was your Henriette who encouraged me to go for the part of Candide.

She did? says Denis. What did she say exactly?

She said she'd pay good money to see me in the role, says Ageless.

I wonder if she did, says Gaius. 

She did, says Ageless I heard her.

 I meant, did she attend the performance? says Gaius.

Didn't see her, says Denis.

She may have left early, says Gaius.

They catch the bus home.

They arrive at Gaius's house.

Henriette is in the kitchen, talking to Kobo.

Me too, Kobo is saying.

Henriette looks up. 

We both hate Q and As, says Henriette. 

Were you at the performance? asks Denis.

Yes, says Henriette. Is it always like that?

Did you find it confusing? asks Gaius.

Not me, says Henriette. I knew about Denis's ankle. How is it, Denis?

Improving, says Denis.

Would you like a hot chocolate? asks Henriette.

I don't think you'll find ingredients for hot chocolate in my house, says Gaius.

Door Dash, says Henriette.

What's that? asks Gaius. 

Someone brings it, says Henriette. Do you want one?

Err...yes please, says Gaius. And then I must pack.

Now? asks Henriette.

Yes now, says Gaius.

He's going to Canberra to check out some frogs, says Denis.

And the sooner the better, says Gaius. I must call Arthur.

He calls Arthur, who is still in the artists' bar, drinking.

What? says Arthur.

Canberra, says Gaius. I'm leaving first thing in the morning.

Where? asks Arthur.

What kind of question is that? says Gaius. Canberra. You must know where that is. Is Margaret still there?

Arthur hands his phone over to Margaret, who is still there.

Because I'd like you to come with me, says Gaius, and I want us to leave ASAP.

You are keen, Gaius! says Margaret. Of course I'll need to tee it up with my sister, but worst case scenario, we can check into a hotel together. 

Gaius is now sorry he called Arthur.

Although he couldn't have known this would happen.

Ding Dong! It's Door Dash.

That was quick.

Three hot chocolates have arrived.

A Spineless Reply

Where where you? asks Gaius.

Getting feedback, says Terence.

Spit it out, says Vello.

They loved me, says Terence. My dance and my socks and my potatoes.

Who is they? asks Vello.

The person who got the last of the seeds, says Ageless. I received feedback as well.

Which was? says Vello.

Perhaps I shouldn't say, says Ageless.

Rubbish, says Vello. Good or bad, we need to hear it.

All right, says Ageless, but Denis might not like it.

I'll live with it, says Denis. 

They said I was good as Candide, says Ageless.

I'm glad they thought so, says Vello. Did they mention Denis?

They said we could have done without him, says Ageless.

They were probably confused, says Belle.

No, we could have done without him, says Vello. But his name was on the flier, and he is well known. Whereas Ageless isn't.

I am now, says Ageless.

Perhaps we'll find a part for you next year, says Vello.

Candide? asks Ageless. 

Hey, says Sweezus. I'm playing Candide next year.

And I won't be here, says Denis.

Plans? asks Gaius.

Plans, says Denis. I'm returning to France. 

I was hoping you might accompany me on my next venture, says Gaius.

Desolé, says Denis.

Margaret has been listening. 

What is your next venture Gaius? asks Margaret.

I plan to journey to Canberra to see first hand the work being done to preserve the green and gold bell frog, says Gaius.

Can I be the frog guy? asks Terence.

Perhaps, says Gaius. I might just ask Arthur.

Arthur hasn't been listening. If he had he would not want to go.

But if he had heard Margaret asking he might have agreed to go anyway. 

To prevent the next thing from happening.

Canberra! says Margaret. I have a sister there!  You can stay with her. And I'll come too, of course. Perhaps I can make myself useful, I'm quite knowledgeable about frogs.

Oh, are you? says Gaius. 

A spineless reply.

Distractions

 Ageless and Terence go back to the artists' bar.

You can't go in there, says the bouncer.

I was already in there, says Terence. 

I don't think so, says the bouncer.

And so was Ageless, says Terence.

The bouncer looks at Ageless.

Show us your pass, says the bouncer.

I don't have one, says Ageless. 

No pass, no entry, says the bouncer.

We were in a show, says Terence.

So you should have got passes, says the bouncer.

Mine's in there, says Terence.

I've got nowhere to put one, says Ageless.

What about that beanie? asks the bouncer.

This beanie? says Ageless.

He pokes Terence. 

The poke means: I'll distract him while you run inside.

But will Terence know this?

Ouch! says Terence. You poked me.

He would have been signalling you to run inside while I was distracted, says the bouncer.

Curses! says Ageless. 

I know all the tricks, says the bouncer.

Belle comes to the entrance, having realised that Terence was missing.

Ah, there you are Terence! And Ageless! We were wondering where you'd got to.

You know these characters? says the bouncer.

Of course I do, says Belle. This is Ageless lobster who played Candide in our play.

And who am I? prompts Terence.

And this is Terence who was in it as well, says Belle.

He's underage, says the bouncer.

He actually isn't, says Belle. 

I'm two thousand years old, says Terence.

No you aren't, says Belle. But you're as old as the Sagrada Famiglia.

I know, says Terence.

And his pass is inside, says Belle. I can get it.

Okay, what about the lobster? says the bouncer.

He can't wear a lanyard, says Belle. No neck.

That's true, thinks the bouncer. No neck, no lanyard, no pass. I'll take her word that he's an artist. And the kid's as old as whatever that thing was she mentioned.

Also the queue of artists waiting to get into the artists' bar has grown longer.

So he lets them go in.

No Need For The Other Guy

And what's Terence's idea?

It's to go back to the tree and get feedback.

From anyone but the person who said they loved Hedley.

He sneaks out of the artists' bar while no one is looking.

Outside the artists' bar he sees Ageless, trying to get in.

Terence! says Ageless.

What? asks Terence.

Were you in there? asks Ageless.

Yes, says Terence. But I had an idea.

How about helping me get in, before you go off and do it, says Ageless.

No, I have to hurry, says Terence.

I'll come with you, says Ageless. Where are you going?

Follow me, says Terence.

Ageless follows Terence back to the tree.

There are only two queue members there now.

And one is the one who loved Hedley.

Too late, says Terence.

What for? asks Ageless.

Feedback, says Terence. 

It's not too late, says Ageless.

Ageless sidles up to the two queue members.

The one who loved Hedley is pouring seeds into a torn piece of paper, held by the other.

I may as well have all of them, says the other.

But there may be a latecomer, says the one who loved Hedley.

Hello, says Ageless. Remember me?

A latecomer! What did I tell you? says the one who loved Hedley.

That's not a latecomer, says the other. That's the lobster Candide.

And me, says Terence.

Yes, you played the florin, says the the other queue member.

Yes! says Terence. Did you love me?

I did, says the other. You did that dance. And you had yellow socks on. And when you turned round we could see the potatoes.

I know, says Terence. AND I was the hingeman.

With the mechanical grabber, says Ageless. 

I thought so, because of the socks, says the other. That role would have been quite demanding.

True, says the one who loved Hedley. It was all in the timing.

Yes, it was, says Ageless. He did a good job. And what did you think about me?

You were great. They didn't need the other guy, says the one who loved Hedley.

What excellent feedback.

Well, thanks for the feedback, says Ageless. We're off to the artists' bar now.

I'm going to help him get in, says Terence.

Ageless is annoyed, but gets over it quickly.

They Should Have Loved Me

Under the tree is a table, and a small plastic chair.

Belle places the bowl of seeds on the table.

Where's the teaspoon? asks Belle.

Terence took it with him when he went to look for Gaius, says Margaret.

So it's lost, says Belle. Never mind, Terence.  Put the paper towels on the table.

Terence does that.

Now do we get our free seeds? asks a dwindled queue member.

Yes, says Belle. Can we leave you in charge?

Me? says the queue member.

Yes, says Belle. 

How am I supposed to give out the seeds without a teaspoon? asks the queue member.

Make small cones with the papers, and tip the seeds in, says Belle.

Then twist the top, says Margaret.

Yes, then twist the top, says Belle.

Yes, says Terence.

Shall I wait here? asks Margaret.

No, says Belle. Come to the artists' bar with me and Terence. You deserve a free beer.

What about the bowl? asks Margaret.

We'll leave it here on the table, says the queue member. Great show, by the way.

Thank you, says Belle.

I loved the girl of easy virtue, says the queue member.

That was HEDLEY! says Terence.

Come on, says Belle.

She and Margaret and Terence head off to the artists' bar.

The others are on their third beer.

Margaret! says Gaius. Have you come for your umbrellas?

Yes, says Margaret. And I didn't appreciate being left behind with the seeds.

A security guard came and told her to move, says Belle. Where's that drink I left with you, Sweezie?

Drank it, says Sweezus. I'll get you another.

Well, Margaret, did you receive any feedback? asks Vello.

Someone said they loved the girl of easy virtue, says Margaret.

Boo! says Terence. They should have loved me.

I'm sure they loved you as well, says Belle.

I don't think they loved ME, says Denis.

Too old, says Vello. We'll get Sweezus to play Candide next year.

Maybe they didn't know it was me, says Terence.

They knew, says Belle. If we'd stayed, I bet someone would have said so.

Sweezus comes back with a fresh beer for Belle and one for Margaret.

Terence gets nothing.

Except an idea.

Go To The Tree

Terence is looking for Arthur.

He walks towards the food stalls.

There is Arthur coming towards him, eating a bao bun.

I'm coming to look for you, says Terence.

You found me, says Arthur.

You were meant to be finding paper towels, says Terence.

I had to buy something first, says Arthur. 

He shows Terence a wad of paper towels.

That's not enough, says Terence.

They can be torn into smaller pieces, says Arthur. That can be your job.

Yay! says Terence. Give them to me.

Arthur gives Terence the wad of paper towels.

Terence runs back to the Piglet exit.

Arthur decides he is no longer needed and heads to the artists' bar.

Vello, Denis, Sweezus and Belle are already there.

What took you so long, bro? asks Sweezus.

Had to find some paper towels for Margaret, says Arthur.

Don't tell me she's wiping the seats! says Vello. 

No, says Arthur. She wrapping the free seeds so they don't stick to people's hands.

What a fuss pot, says Vello. Has she finished?

Don't know, says Arthur. I gave Terence the towels to take back to Margaret.

You let him go back on his own! says Belle.

He came to find me on his own, says Arthur.

I'm going to make sure he got there, says Belle. Hold my beer.

She gives it to Sweezus, and goes.

He'll be all right, says Arthur.

Yeah he will, says Sweezus. He's got perfect balance.

I don't see how perfect balance gives you sense of direction, says Denis.

I do, says Vello.

Denis rethinks his statement.

In sense, it does, says Denis. 

Yeah, says Sweezus. 

Belle will find him, says Vello.

Belle is passing the food stalls when she bumps into Gaius, holding several umbrellas.

I'm looking for Terence, says Belle.

He went that way, says Gaius, pointing towards the Piglet.

How come you've got all those umbrellas? asks Belle.

People got tired of waiting for seeds and left with the umbrellas, says Gaius.

Poor Margaret, says Belle.

She heads for the Piglet exit.

The queue has dwindled.

Terence is sitting on the ground tearing paper towels into smaller paper towels.

A security guard has arrived and is talking to Margaret.

What's happening? asks Belle.

This security guard is telling me to move on, says Margaret.

Where are the seeds? asks Belle.

Here, says Terence.

Right, says Belle. Bring them, and the papers, we're leaving. 

Okay, says Terence.

Come on Margaret. Gaius has your umbrellas, says Belle.

What about us? ask the dwindled queue members.

Go to that tree over there, says Belle.

The dwindled queue members have little choice but to go to the tree.

Godsend Or Not

Why doesn't she go?

Terence looks up at the person.

It's Margaret, in a rain hat.

I'll stand here and collect the umbrellas, says Margaret.

That means I can go, says Arthur.

Yes, go and get something for people to carry their free seeds in, says Margaret. 

Like what? asks Arthur.

Paper towels, says Margaret. Or something like that.

Arthur goes off, to look for paper towels or something like that.

Umbrellas here, please! says Margaret, in a loud voice.

Free seeds! says Terence.

You should've left them in the packet, says a person from Bunnings.

Why? asks Terence.

That's how to transport seeds, says the person from Bunnings.

There wouldn't have been enough, says Margaret. Anyone can see that. If you wait here, Arthur will return with some paper towels.

The queue is not moving, because Arthur has not come back yet.

He is looking at the food stalls. Yiros, gozléme, burgers, bao buns, dumplings, noodles... all have paper towels on the counter. 

He orders two bao buns.

Now he must wait.

Back at the Piglet, Margaret has divided the queue into two separate lines.

One for returning umbrellas, one for free seeds.

The umbrella queue should now move forward.

But doesn't.

If we go now we won't get our free seeds, says one of the people with a borrowed Geological Society umbrella.

You can rejoin the queue, says Margaret.

But then I won't have an umbrella, says the person.

It's not raining, says Margaret.

But it might, says the person.

A bit of rain won't hurt you, says Margaret.

Then why does the Geological Society have umbrellas? asks the person.

Terence, says Margaret, go and see if Arthur is coming.

Okay, says Terence.

He goes, taking the teaspoon.

Gaius comes to the exit to see what's causing the holdup.

Oh, hello Margaret, says Gaius. Where are Arthur and Terence?

Athur went to get paper towels and I sent Terence to find him, says Margaret.

It's unwise to send Terence to find anyone, says Gaius. And why paper towels?

For these seeds, says Margaret. Look, this is what happens when they're poured into your hand from a teaspoon.

She shows him her hand. Wet seeds are stuck to the palm.

We know that, says the Bunnings person. That's why we dont sell them that way.

Well, you know best, at Bunnings,  says Margaret. But these are free seeds.

Indeed, says Gaius, it seems we must all be patient.

Either that or give up. 

Which some people have.

The queue has grown shorter.

I'm missing some umbrellas, says Margaret.

I shall go and find them, says Gaius. They'll be easy to spot.

Thank you Gaius. You're a godsend, says Margaret.

Gaius goes off to look for people with Geological Society umbrellas, godsend or not.