Stage 11: Vichy to Nevers - Pear Thing

This stage will be flat.

The teams roll out of Vichy.

It rained earlier, and the road is still wet.

Terence kicks at a puddle.

Don't do that, says Belle.

Prong flies down from a street tree and lands on Terence's shoulder.

Prong! says Terence. Where were you?

Spying, says Prong.

Is that why you're wearing your curly whiskers? asks Terence.

Yes it is, says Prong.

Do you know they've stopped being curly? asks Terence.

They must have got wet, says Prong.

Take them off, says Belle. I'll dry them flat in their old shape.

Thank you, says Prong.

Did you spy anything good? asks Terence.

Yes, says Prong. 

Come on, says Belle we have to move up to the feeding station.

I'll meet you there, says Prong.

She flies off.

Aw, says Terence. She was going to tell me what she spied.

She can tell you later, says Belle. Help me load these musettes.

These green things are stinky, says Terence. What are they?

Stuffed cabbage, says Belle. They're warm, so keep them away from the fruit paste, and don't bend the pear stalks in the piquenchagne.

Woo! says Terence. This lunch is fancy!

Team Condor arrives at the feeding station.

Gaius grabs a musette.

He is elated to discover the stuffed cabbage.

Sweezus and Arthur less so.

Soren Waerenskjold is just passing when he smells the stuffed cabbage and sniffs loudly.

Want some? asks Sweezus.

No way! says Soren Waerenskjold.

He speeds away fast.

This pear thing looks good, says Arthur. But how do you eat it?

He is holding the piquenchagne up in the air.

Oops. A pear thing drops out.

Have half of mine, says Sweezus.

The flat stage continues. 

And continues.

Prong has flown to the finish in Nevers.

She wants to see if her spying has been successful.

And the answer is no.

Here comes Soren Waerenskjold, ahead of Olav Kooij and Jasper Philipsen.

Zooooom!

Soren Waerenskjold wins the stage.

The fastest stage in the Tour's history.

Earlier, Prong had spied Soren Waerenskjold getting his right hand treated by a team doctor.

He won't win, she had thought, at the time.

She's glad that she didn't tell Terence.

Stage 10: Aurillac to Le Lioran - Heyday

A mountain stage.

In fact, seven mountains.

And it's still very hot.

Can we get out of this somehow? asks David.

Only by giving up altogether, says Vello.

And we don't want to do that, says David.

Especially not on Bastille Day, says Vello.

What's Bastille Day? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

Vive la revolution! shouts Vello. 

Uh, says Surfing-with-Whales. Oh yeah, the French Revolution. 

The French riders will try extra hard today, says David.

Julian Alaphilippe hears him.

We French riders try extra hard every day, says Julian Alaphilippe.

Of course we do, says Vello. 

Julian Alaphilippe thinks: I was not counting you.

He speeds away, diplomatically.

Of course, says Vello, he is well past his heyday.

You can talk, says David.

You had a heyday? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

I'm still in it, says Vello. But of course, when I was a young man, the Tour de France was not yet invented.

Ditto, says David.

You are not French, says Vello.

What's that got to do with anything? asks David.

Surfing-with-Whales leaves them to debate this and shoots off up the Col de Prat.

Yeah, the Col de Prat. He laughs inwardly. Funny.

Pablo comes up behind him.

Hola! says Pablo. Trying to beat all the Frenchies?

Yeah, says Surfing-with-Whales. 

Guess what? says Pablo.

What? asks Surfing-with-Whales. 

My poem's coming true, says Pablo.

Yeah how? asks Surfing with-Whales.

Someone threw me a walnut, says Pablo.

In the shell? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

No, a shelled one, says Pablo, and I caught it in my mouth as I rode by.

Was she wearing a yellow dress? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

I couldn't say, says Pablo. The thrower was wearing a chicken suit.

Woah, says Surfing-with-Whales. That's even more super freaky.

I agree, says Pablo.

This conversation has slowed them.

It matters little, as neither Pablo nor Surfing-with-Whales is French.

However, up ahead, 1 km from the summit of the Col de Pertus, Tadej Pogacar is attacking.

He opens up a gap of 20 seconds.

He keeps pushing up the Col de Font de Cère.

The gap is 32 seconds.

He takes his 24th stage win.

And he too is not French.

Rest Day In Cantal - Fraternité

Aurillac, Parc de la Fraternité

Belle has organised a picnic, in spite of the heat.

It will be fine, under a tree.

She has invited Pablo, for old times' sake.

Vello and David sit on the grass in the shade drinking a cooling rosé.

Try one of these gougères with herbs, says Belle.

David bites into the crispy puff pastry.

Very nice, says David.

Surfing-with-Whales arrives, with Pablo.

They eye the gougères.

Help yourselves, says Belle.

Where's Team Condor? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

Coming, says Belle. Ah, here they are now!

Sorry we're late, says Gaius. 

Are we late? asks Terence. 

Not at all, says Belle. Would you like a red drink? Or a slice of watermelon?

Watermelon, says Terence.

I'd like a slice of watermelon, says Arthur.

Me too, says Sweezus.

Okay, says Belle. But I've got these gougères if you're interested.

They are interested.

In no time the gougères are gone.

This rosé is excellent, says Vello. It's a Cotes d'Auvergne Corent.

And there's a pounti, says Belle. 

Yeah, what's a pounti? asks Sweezus.

Try it and see, says Belle.

She hands him a colourful slice of pounti.

WTF! says Sweezus. Who puts veggies and prunes in a cake?

He chews a bit longer.

It's not bad though.

So, says Belle. How is everyone feeling after one week of racing?

I am feeling very good, says Pablo. I admire Arthur's idea of a poetry competition.

Have you entered? asks Belle.

I bet he has, says Vello.

I have, says Pablo. 

Sweezus swallows a large lump of prune.

Do not worry, says Pablo. I have skirted around the subject of your sister.

He doesn't have a sister, says Terence.

We know, says David. She's a literary invention.

She's a baby bear, says Terence. All hairy.

This is first I've heard of the sister being a a hairy bear, says Pablo. I have imagined her as a beauty.

I'd love to hear your poem, says Belle.

First let's open another bottle, says Vello. And is there a cake without prunes?

Yes, says Belle. There's a Tarte à la Tomme. Made with cheese and vanilla and crème fraiche.

Perfect, says Vello. It's much too hot for prunes.

How can it be to hot for prunes? asks David. Is there a reason?

Prunes with vegetables, says Vello. One needs a cool head before tasting such a strange combination.

Meaning you have a cool head, says Arthur, looking at Sweezus.

Sweezus appreciates that Arthur thinks he has a cool head.

And Vello must think so as well. Yeah. That's kind of awesome. 

He should stop thinking about his hairy non-existent sister.

Pablo begins speaking his poem.

The yellow dress, the chicken, the black eyes, the walnut.....

Oh, says Belle. That poem's a winner!

Wait till you hear mine, says Surfing-with-Whales.

And mine, says Terence.

How does yours go? asks Belle.

Hairy bear hairy bear who came from where, you should go back there, says Terence.

What good rhymes, Terence, says Belle.

Yay! And he just made it up right that minute.

This is such a good day.

Stage 9: Malemort to Ussel - Walnut

A very hot day. The course has been shortened.

But it's still going to be hilly.

Pablo is determined to get into a breakaway.

He joins the attackers.

But there are too many attackers.

He drops back and thinks about his poem.

Sweezus rides up behind him.

Hey bro, says Sweezus.

Hola, says Pablo. 

Giving up already? asks Sweezus.

Not at all, says Pablo. By the way, are you part of this poetry competition?

Fuck no, says Sweezus. It was Arthur's idea. I don't have a sister.

That is fair enough, says Pablo. But do you mind if I enter?

Yeah...nah, says Sweezus, speeding off leaving Pablo to ponder.

Up the Suc au May, a category 2 climb. And down again. 

A woman in yellow dress waves. Her dress flutters.

Pablo is inspired.

There in a yellow dress/ Standing next to chicken/  Are you sending me glances?/ Throw me a walnut/ I'll catch it/ I'll break it in two with my teeth/ I don't care if they crack/ If you're glancing at me/ With those black eyes, with their fiery centres/ Just don't throw that walnut at the next guy/ Unless you're his sister.

Pablo is happy with that.

The sister is in it. But not whose sister. So, Sweezus won't freak.

He speeds up to draw level with Surfing-with-Whales and run the poem by him.

Thus the two of them finish way behind the leaders.

The leaders are locked in an intense fight to the finish in Ussel

Yes! Matthieu van der Poel gets the better of Tobias Johannessen and Tom Pidcock. 

Not a yellow dress, or a chicken, or a walnut in sight.

Stage 8: Périgueux to Bergerac - A limerick!

Another flat stage. 

And again it is hot.

At once, Liam Slock breaks away, thinking, best get this done.

Surfing-with-Whales thinks of following Slock, but does not.

He stays with the peloton.

He finds himself level with Pablo.

I hear Team Condor is having a poetry competition, says Pablo.

Yeah, I know, says Surfing-with-Whales. I guess it takes their mind off the heat.

My team is not into poetry, says Pablo.

Mine either, says Surfing-with-Whales.

Just into winning, says Pablo.

Mine's not even that much into winning, says Surfing-with-Whales.

They do very well for guys their age, says Pablo.

I guess so, says Surfing-with-Whales. Hey, you're a poet.

I like to think so, says Pablo.

Maybe you and me could have a poetry competition, says Surfing-with-Whales.

I would win, says Pablo.

What if I pick the topic? says Surfing-with-Whales.

Okay, says Pablo. Pick it.

Sweezus's sister, says Surfing-with-Whales.

That is a strange topic, says Pablo.

Take it or leave it, says Surfing-with-Whales.

I'll take it, says Pablo. But right now the intermediate sprint is upon us.

Shit yeah, so it is.

They speed up, but too late. Jasper Philipsen wins it.

Surfing-with-Whales looks for the feeding station. He want food and he needs ice as well.

There it is!

Terence hands him a bag of ice to slip down the back of his jersey.

Belle hands him a musette filled with rich paté de Périgueux.

That's better.

He speeds up, refreshed, and returns to his poem.

He has one advantage over Pablo Neruda.

He has worked on it since yesterday. 

There was a young lady from France/ who decided to learn how to dance/ she developed a blister/ when somebody kissed her/ it was Sweezus's sister from France.

He is not sure about France. But what rhymes with Adelaide? Or anywhere else for that matter?

And anyway, where is he? He's fallen behind now.

More importantly, where is Liam Slock?

Still out the front with 1.5 km to go. What a legend. How has he done it?

But the peloton is looming behind him.

And all the best sprinters are in it.

Including Tim Merlier, who won the stage yesterday. 

And wins it today. Well done him.

Stage 7: Hagetmau to Bordeaux - Advantage

A hot flat stage.

The sprinters are happy because one of them will win it.

The others are happy to not have to climb.

A long line of riders pedals towards the first sprint in Landiras.

Team Philosophe is among them.

You may sprint if you wish, says Vello.

Might not bother, says Surfing-with-Whales.

He'll be saving himself for the finish, says David.

Too right, says Surfing-with-Whales.

Make sure you're at the front before the road narrows, says Vello.

That's my plan, says Surfing-with-Whales.

He moves off up the line.

We did the right thing having him on the team, says David.

Yes, we can take it easier, says Vello.

Gaius rides up beside them.

Hello men, says Gaius. Where's your new rider?

 Up ahead where he should be, says Vello.

How's your team doing? asks David.

We're having a flash poetry competition, says Gaius. Started yesterday.

Hardly flash then, says David.

Arthur came up with one straight away, says Gaius. But I'm stuck for a rhyme. And Sweezus is having trouble with the topic.

What's the topic? asks Vello.

Sweezus's sister, says Gaius.

No wonder! says Vello. He doesn't have a sister.

It's only a poem, says Gaius. That shouldn't stop him.

What's your rhyming problem? asks David.

Sister and blister, says Gaius. But I really must go.

Don't let us stop you, says Vello.

Gaius speeds off to take part, he hopes, in the intermediate sprint at Landiras.

But he gets there too late. 

Baptiste Veistroffer has won it.

Vello and David, having passed the feeding station, have found asparagus in their musettes.

Asparagus! says Vello. A speciality of the region.

David bites into a stalk. Gruu-unch! 

Sand! says David.

They grow it in sand, says Vello. You get used to it.

David doesn't think he'll get used to it.

The road narrows.

Has Surfing with-Whales managed to make his way to the front?

No he hasn't.

He has slowed down to spit, and shake sand from his aparagus.

Thus giving Tim Merlier, Soren Waerenskjeld and Binian Girmay an advantage.

Stage 6: Pau to Gavarnie-Gèdre - Blister

A mountain stage.

A sprint in Pouzac, a climb up Col d'Aspin and finally, up the Col du Tourmalet.

Col du Tourmalet! says Sweezus. That's that hard one.

Yes, says Arthur. We need to think of a strategy.

Isn't it a bit late to think of a strategy? asks Gaius.

No, says Arthur. How about this? A flash poetry competition.

Yeah, okay, says Sweezus. What's the topic?

Your sister, says Arthur.

Yes, the famous sister, says Gaius. That should take our minds off the agonies of climbing.

Start thinking now, says Arthur. 

Sweezus is not sure that he likes this topic.

A Sylvanian bear could not be his sister.

Nor is the Barcelona Virgin his mother.

Ben O'Connor rides by.

Sweezus hopes he has not heard the thing about the sister.

The sprint has been sprinted, in Pouzac. Mads Pedersen has won it.

Ben O'Connor is about to set off on a breakaway.

Hoping someone will join him.

No one does.

He rides up the Col d'Aspin, and is reeled in by the peloton before the summit.

If he did know about the sister, he's forgotten her now.

But Team Condor hasn't.

Fortified by coucougettes du Verts Galants, slipped into their musettes by Belle, they start the ascent of the Col du Tourmalet.

Gaius is working on his poem.

What rhymes with sister? Blister. 

Gaius wonders if Sweezus will use it. Chances are that he won't.

Arthur definitely won't. His poem's going well already.

Glass eyes send shards of blue light through the glaze of the mother's/ straight to you, hirsute sister.

That's good, if somewhat circular.

Gaius is still working on his blister.

Sweezus hasn't started.

But anyway, something else is now happening.

Tadej Pogacar has sped up and zoomed up the Col du Tourmalet solo. Then zoomed down again and on to the finish in Gèdre.

He now has two minutes 38 seconds on Jonas Vingegaard.

And is back in yellow.