Stage 5: Lannemezan to Pau - Fancy Chances

A flat stage. A chance for the sprinters.

How are you at sprinting? asks Vello?

All right, says-Surfing with-Whales.

Then you have my permission to go for a victory, says Vello.

Cool, says Surfing-with-Whales.

But other team leaders have said the same thing to their sprinters too.

Surfing-with-Whales speeds up and makes his way to the front of the peloton.

I didn't mean him to take off immediately, says Vello.

You should have said, says David. Want me to chase him?

We'll both chase him, says Vello.

They make their way to the front of the peloton in time to see Baptiste Veistroffer breaking away.

Should I join him? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

No don't, says Vello. Stay here at the front of the peloton, until I say otherwise.

Mads Pedersen is surprised to see Vello and David at the front of the peloton.

Hello guys, says Mads Pedersen. Fancy your chances today?

We always fancy our chances, says David.

Depending on how you interpret the words, says Vello.

Which words? asks Mads Pedersen. Fancy or chances?

Vello is about to explain when Mads thinks the better of waiting for an answer.

He speeds up without waiting.

But Pablo has been listening, from a position close behind.

Fancy? says Pablo. Am I right?

You! says Vello. I bet you're wishing you'd joined us instead of Team Movistar.

It is early days, says Pablo. Team Movistar has some very good riders.

As good as Nairo Quintana? asks Vello.

Certainly, says Pablo. We have Cian Uijtdebroeks and Raul Garcia.

And your reliable self, says David.

Pablo realises he is losing his position at the front of the peloton, by chatting this way. 

He suspects Team Philosophe are doing it deliberately.

I'm off ! says Pablo. 

So soon? says Vello.

I wish to continue to fancy my chances, says Pablo.

Funny chap, says David. By the way, where is Surfing-with-Whales?

Surfing-with-Whales has sped off as well.

Vello and David are soon at the back of the peloton.

They pass the feeding station, and grab their musettes from Belle.

Tarbais beans! shouts Belle. And spit-roasted cake!

That's some consolation, says Vello.

What is? asks David.

The spit-roasted cake, says Vello.

I'm sure the beans will help us on our way, says David.

They munch the beans, knowing that David is right.

And what is happening at the front now?

Baptiste Veistroffer has been reeled in at last.

Surfing-with-Whales has run out of puff, as has Pablo.

Here come some sprinters who not all of us have heard of.

Olav Kooij, of Team Decathlon, Max Kanter of XDS Astana, and Tim Merlier of Soudal Quickstep.

Placing first, second and third in that order.

Good on them. They must have fancied their chances.

Stage 4: Carcassonne to Foix - Not Helping

The teams ride out from Carcassonne.

Today is another hot one.

But so what, if you have ice packs and pimientos to keep you going.

Pimientos? 

Yes the word has gone round.

Many teams will have hot pimientos in their musettes today.

Sweezus does not like pimientos, however.

I hope she remembers, says Sweezus, as he cycles up the Col de Bados.

Remembers what? asks Arthur.

I don't like pimientos, says Sweeezus. They give me the trots.

She'll remember, says Arthur.

I hear we're having brandade de morue, says Gaius.

What's that? asks Sweezus.

Whipped salt cod with potatoes, says Gaius,

How do you know? asks Arthur.

Terence mentioned it, says Gaius. 

Sweezus looks glum.

What's up? asks Arthur.

Terence told me something Prong told him, says Sweezus. Dunno if I should believe it.

Prong is honest, says Gaius. What did she say?

Virgin's got a new baby, says Sweezus. Don't laugh. it's not funny.

Why isn't it funny? asks Arthur.

It's a Sylvanian bear , says Sweezus.

So it isn't a baby, says Gaius. 

It's wearing a bonnet, says Sweezus.

A girl bonnet or a boy bonnet ? asks Arthur.

Boys don't wear bonnets, says Sweezus.

So it's a girl, says Arthur. You've got a sister.

You're not helping, says Sweezus.

No, you're not, says Gaius. Let's focus on trying to catch up with the breakaway.

Yes, that's what they should do.

The breakaway is way ahead already. Thirty four riders

They will be the ones who got the super hot pimientos.

Team Philosophe has been given brandade de morue.

What's this! splutters Vello.

Fishy mush, says Surfing-with-Whales. 

I imagine it's chock-full of protein, says David. 

He sucks his portion down,

Off he goes, as if to prove something.

He'll never catch up with the breakaway, says Vello.

And he doesn't. Fishy mush can't compare with hot pepper.

Fast forward to the last climb, Montségur.

Alex Baudin is King of the Mountain.

And then. The sprint to the finish in Foix.

Woah! Look at that! Mads Pedersen is powering to the finish line with his team mate Quinn Simmons behind him. And third? Raul Garcia. 

Tadej Pogacar loses the yellow jersey, to Torstein Traeen.

Torstein is understandably happy.

Stage 3: Granollers to Les Angles - Forever

Today the Tour will leave Spain and ride into France.

Another hot one.

Terence is waiting with Belle at the start.

No Prong yet? asks Belle.

No, says Terence. She must have got whacked by Saint Joseph.

He wouldn't be able to whack her, says Belle. She could just fly away.

And Belle is right. This is exactly what happened.

Prong has escaped being whacked by Saint Joseph, flown away, and is flying towards Granollers.

She lands on Terence's shoulder, just as the teams are about to get going.

Yay! says Terence. You got away!

Sweezus hears him, and wonders why Terence has said that.

But Gaius has seen.

His parrot has returned, says Gaius.

Hope it brings us good luck, says Sweezus. 

I'm sure it will, says Gaius.

At the Col de Saint Feleu, Sweezus finds himself level with Surfing-with-Whales, and Pablo.

Hey guys, says Sweezus.

Hey bro! says Surfing-with-Whales.

Hola! says Pablo. Sorry about what happened.

Yeah no worries, says Sweezus. 

What happened? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

You know, says Sweezus.

I got a better offer, says Pablo.

Lucky you, says Surfing-with-Whales. I'm with Team Philosophe.

They're okay, says Sweezus. And their jerseys are the coolest.

Yeah, says Surfing-with-Whales. Design's based on a whale spout.

Ha ha! laughs Pablo. Very clever!

How come clever? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

Team Philosophe, always spouting their wisdom, says Pablo. Plus, they snared you. 

Hadn't thought of that, says Sweezus.

You did well yesterday, Whales, says Pablo.

Yeah, the pimientos helped, says Surfing-with-Whales. I got a super hot one.

Jonas Vingegaard passes them, overhearing this titbit.

Hmm, thinks Jonas, super hot pimientos. I will order some for Team Visma tomorrow.

Belle and Terence are now at the feeding station, having got a lift there.

They are handing out musettes for Team Philosophe and Team Condor.

Guess what? shouts Terence.

But Sweezus has grabbed his musette and kept going.

What were you going to tell him? asks Prong.

What you told me about the Virgin, says Terence.

Maybe you shouldn't, says Prong. She's his mother too.

I'm TELLING! says Terence.

Meanwhile Sweezus is looking in his musette for hot pimientos.

But there are none.

Only calcots, mel i mato, and more of those long thin fuets.

He keeps going.

Arthur joins him. 

They both keep going.

Gaius joins them too. 

Those grilled onions were strong, says Gaius.

But, against expectations, they don't make Team Condor go any faster.

And up ahead at Les Angles. Who is winning?

Wouldn't you know, it's Tadej Pogacar, surpassing Jonas Vingegaard and Richard Carapaz.

Tadej will now be in yellow.

Maybe forever.......

Stage 2: Tarragone to Barcelone - Wildly Hot

The teams roll out of Tarragone.

The weather is warm.

Want me to lead you guys out? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

Not yet, says Vello.

We'll save our legs for the end, says David.

What's at the end? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

Three times up Montjuic says David.

Shit a brick! says Surfing-with-Whales.

Nice jerseys! shouts a rider from Movistar in passing.

What's Spanish for thank you? asks David.

Two fingers, says Surfing-with-Whales.

I'm not risking two fingers, says David. There must be a word.

Too late now, says Vello. He's too far ahead. Anyway, it's obvious he speaks English.

Yeah, says Surfing-with-Whales. He said nice jerseys.

Unless he said something in Spanish that sounds like nice jerseys, says David.

It's cool riding with you guys in one way, says Surfing-with-Whales.

How so? asks Vello.

You talk everything through, says Surfing-with-Whales.

But? says Vello.

You're freakin slow, says Surfing-with-Whales.

We'll be faster after the feeding station, says Vello. Belle has promised us a treat.

Sure enough, Belle and Terence are waiting at the feeding station with musettes full of treats.

Bombas, pimientos de padron, and one or two long thin fuets.

Watch out for those pimientos! shouts Belle.

Why'd she say that? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

I heard that one in ten bell peppers are wildly hot, says Vello.

Hope we all get a hot one, says Surfing-with-Whales. Speed us up a bit.

Most unlikely, says David. If only one in ten is wildly hot and there are three of us.

Yes, but how many did we get each? asks Vello. Say Belle gave each of us ten.

David peeks inside his musette.

I have five, says David. That makes fifteen altogether.

So one of us is bound to get a wildly hot one, says Vello.

Surfing-with-Whales is getting tired of all this nattering. 

He scoffs his bombas, and five pimientos and speeds away from his team mates.

He doesn't slow down.

He is still going like the clappers as he climbs for the third time up Montjuic.

He is not far behind Tadej Pogacar and Isaac del Toro.

Is it the wildly hot pimiento?

Or is Surfing-with-Whales rather good?

Stage 1: Team Time Trials Barcelona - Early Days

 At last. The Tour de France has begun.

Team Philosophe is one of the earliest to move off.

Good luck papa, says Belle. 

How am I looking? asks Vello.

Much younger, says Belle. You too, David.

Surfing-with-Whales has not asked how he is looking.

His jersey feels tight. 

Bang! they speed  off together.

Sweezus comes up.

When do you go? asks Belle.

Pretty soon, says Sweezus. 

Guess what? says Terence

What? asks Sweezus. 

My parrot flew up to my palace and didn't come back, says Terence.

It's a big palace, says Sweezus. She's probably admiring the carvings.

Or got lost in a hole, says Terence.

I'm sure she'll turn up, says Belle. Good luck, Sweezie.

Thanks Belle, says Sweezus.

He goes off to join Arthur and Gaius, who are waiting to go.

Team Condor! shouts the announcer.

Bang! Off they go.

Out of the Forum, past the Sagrada Familia, up the cote de Montjuic, to the Stade Olympique.

Prong is perched on the Virgin's shoulder, somewhere high up on the Sagrada Famiglia.

Because she was right. Those carved feet were the feet of the Virgin, Terence's mother.

We get a good view from here, says the Virgin.

The best! answers Prong.

I'm going for Team UAE, says the Virgin. Joseph goes for Team Visma.

What about your baby? asks Prong.

He's too young to care, says the Virgin.

They both look down at the Virgin's new baby.

It looks like a Sylvanian bear, in a bonnet.

Time goes by.

There goes Vingegaard! says the Virgin. He's doing well.

He's your guy? asks Prong.

No, my guy is Pogacar, says the Virgin. His team will start last because of their ranking.

I don't get this, says Prong.

It's only for the Team Trials, says the Virgin. Look, there they go now.

Want me to follow them? asks Prong. And see if they win?

Yes, do that, says Virgin.

Prong flies to the Stade Olympique.

She arrives just in time to see Vingegaard remain in the hot seat, after Team UAE comes in third.

She flies back to the Sagrada Familia.

Your guy's team came third, says Prong.

Bumhole! says the Virgin. 

Oh well, early days.

Based On A Whale Spout

The plane lands in Barcelona.

Belle, Surfing-with-Whales, Gaius, Terence and Prong go through customs.

The customs officer shows little interest in Prong.

He is not a bird lover.

He does not even notice the curly whiskers that match with the curly whiskers on the passport.

He looks hard at Terence however.

He checks his computer.

Hmm. Should he call security? This infant looks very like one that went missing from the Sagrada Familia, some years ago.

But no. He's wrong. That one was did not have a claw for a finger.

They are all allowed through.

Phew! says Belle. I thought he was going to detain Terence.

Maybe I look like a spy, says Terence.

They still might tail you, says Prong.

You should keep an eye out, says Terence.

Okay, says Prong.

They leave the airport and take a taxi to the hotel where Teams Philosophe and Condor are staying.

Vello is in the foyer with David, waiting to meet them.

Made it! says Surfing-with-Whales. What's the agenda?

Team Time Trials tomorrow, says Vello. Unpack your bike.Try your kit on. 

What's it look like? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

We're going for a new look, says Vello, handing him a package.

You'll like it, says Belle. Papa based the design on a whale spout.

Yeah right, says Surfing-with-Whales. Better fit me.

You should have come earlier, if you cared about that, says David.

I'm here now, team, says Surfing-with-Whales. 

We'll grab a coffee and head out on a trial run, says Vello.

Where are Sweezus and Arthur? asks Gaius. 

Sight-seeing, says Vello. 

Sightseeing what? asks Terence.

Your old palace, says Vello.

They should have waited for me! says Terence.

Never mind, says Belle. We'll go there and find them.

Yes you do that, says Gaius. I'll unpack my bike and then have a lie down.

Belle changes into a sundress, buys a bottle of water and orders a taxi.

The Sagrada Familia is not far away.

But there are queues of tourists waiting outside, in large numbers.

We might not get inside, says Belle. Let's just look at the outside. Show Prong where you lived.

It was up there somewhere, says Terence. Near those feet.

Prong looks up at the carved feet.

They could be Terence's mother's. Why doesn't she go up and investigate? 

Terence will thank her.

Without even asking, she flies upwards.

One hour later, she has not come back.

Steve All The Way

Everything keeps working out well.

Belle and Surfing-with-Whales have arrived at the airport on time.

Belle has brought the curly whiskers, in a sandwich zip-top.

Gaius has helped Prong fix the whiskers onto her beak.

They have shown customs the parrot passport.

Prong has been placed in a cage.

They have boarded the plane.

Can I have the cage? asks Terence.

It will have to go under the seat when we take off, says Gaius.

Which is my seat? asks Terence.

You don't get one, says Gaius. You're described as an artifact.

What does that mean? asks Terence.

You're part of my hand luggage, says Gaius. I didn't think you would mind. 

So where can I sit? asks Terence.

Under the seat in front of me, next to Prong's cage, says Gaius. You can come out when we're up in the air.

Can I go and see where Belle's sitting? asks Terence.

All right, says Gaius. Then come straight back to me.

Terence walks down the aisle of the plane looking for Belle.

Many heads turn.

Look at that! says a passenger. Does he remind you of someone?

Yes! says their fellow passenger. Perhaps he was in a movie.

No. I'm an artifact, says Terence.

The passengers laugh.

Terence finds Belle in an aisle seat.

What are you doing here? asks Belle.

I haven't got a seat, says Terence.

That won't do, says Belle. No one's sitting next to Surfing-with-Whales yet. If no one turns up, you can sit next to him.

Yeah you can, says Surfing-with-Whales. You can help me play Minecraft. You can be Steve.

Yay! says Terence. What do I look like?

Blue shirt, brown hair, says Surfing-with-Whales.

I have to go back now, says Terence. See you later.

No worries, says Surfing-with-Whales.

Terence goes back to Gaius, and wriggles under the seat next to Prong's cage.

I might be playing Minecraft, says Terence.

Good for you, mutters Prong.

The Air China plane takes off.

No one has claimed the seat next to Surfing-with-Whales.

So Terence gets to be Steve all the way to Shanghai. And then again from Shanghai to Barcelona.

He is happy.

Although his parrot is not.