Why Hills Are A Line

They are still a long way from Balranald.

Gaius is snoozing.

Margaret is helping Katherine with her poem.

Calcareo-siliceous? says Margaret.

Not very poetic, says Katherine. I prefer rolling hills.

But what rhymes with hills? says Margaret.

The hills don't have to come at the end of a line, says Katherine.

Ha ha, laughs Terence. The hills ARE a line.

Terence's laughter rouses Gaius.

Umph! Huh! Are we there already? asks Gaius.

Not yet, says Katherine. Terence was explaining why hills are a line.

No I wasn't, says Terence.

Perhaps he was referring to the hilly skyline, says Gaius.

Yes, I was, says Terence.

I'm trying to work them into my poem, says Katherine.

How is it going? asks Gaius.

Along the grey road / Through rolling hills/ And man-made cuttings, says Katherine.

That's descriptive, says Gaius.

Past yellowing grasses/ And limestone deposits, says Katherine.

I suppose simpler is better, says Margaret.

We go/ Waiting for an answer from Arthur/ Regarding something that we want to know, says Katherine.

Oh, well done Katherine, says Gaius. You've described our journey up to this very moment.

Does that mean she wins? asks Terence.

Not at all, says Katherine. Yours is still in the running.

I might try my luck too, says Gaius. If no one minds an offering in Latin.

Go for it, says Katherine.

Yes go for it, says Terence. You won't win in Latin.

Why not? asks Gaius.

No one'll get it, says Terence.

I will, says Margaret.

Gaius suspects Margaret will only know geological Latin.

And starts planning his poem accordingly.

With No Pencil

Now Terence has red stains on the back and the front of his costume.

Can we clean it? asks Terence.

No time, says Katherine. We'll clean it when we get to Balranald.

Take it off in the meantime, says Gaius.

He helps Terence take off his costume.

They climb into the back seat of Katherine's car.

Curses! says Gaius, as they drive along the A20.

What is it? asks Katherine.

Damn pencil, says Gaius.

Oops! says Terence.

Never mind, says Gaius. We'll remember to look for it when we get to Balranald.

That's two things, says Terence. Clean my costume and look for a pencil.

Three things, says Katherine. A coffee break and more sandwiches.

By the river, says Margaret.

That will be lovely, says Katherine.

What's in the rest of the sandwiches? asks Gaius.

Cheese and tomato, says Margaret. You'll have to pick out the tomato. 

You didn't happen to make any without tomato? asks Gaius.

No, says Margaret. Tomato adds moisture to the sandwich.

Making it delightfully soggy, says Katherine

Yes, tomato sandwiches tend to improve with the day, says Margaret.

Gaius sits back. He is not of like mind with these women.

Let's talk more about green and golden bell frogs, says Terence.

They are dull olive to emerald green, says Gaius. With brown to golden bronze blotches.

And a cream or yellow strip down the side, says Margaret.

You are knowledgeable, Margaret, says Katherine.

And they make up poems, says Terence. 

That is pure fantasy, says Margaret.

Not at all, says Gaius. The one for Saint Roley has been recorded. Arthur wrote it down.

He probably wrote it himself, says Margaret.

It isn't his style, says Gaius. It's definitely by the frogs. If only I could recall the whole poem.

Why don't you text Arthur, says Katherine. He'll have a copy.

Excellent idea, says Gaius. 

He sends Arthur a text.

Arthur, do you have a copy of the poem Saint Roley the Good?

Arthur is surfing at Middleton with Sweezus and does not see the text.

Nothing happens for five minutes.

I know! Let's have a poetry competition, says Terence.

Oh no! says Margaret. They're not really my thing.

I'll have a go, says Katherine. But I'll need some thinking time.

You go first, Terence, sasys Gaius. 

Terence doesn't need thinking time. 

Terence the Good/ did not eat the potato/ although he could, says Terence.

Very nice, Terence, says Katherine.

 If somewhat derivative, says Margaret.

Judging by these responses, Terence thinks he will probably win.

Red Potato Smoothie

Five kilometres to Pinnaroo, observes Katherine.

Good, says Gaius. This time I really must look for my pencil.

I'll remind you, says Terence.

Thank you, says Gaius.

I forgot last time, says Terence.

I know, says Gaius. But so did I.

They pass a sign with a smiling potato.

Look! says Terence. A smiling potato!

They grow potatoes out here, says Margaret.

Yay! says Terence. When we stop I'm going to put on my costume.

Good idea, says Katherine. People will admire your potatoes.

As he walks away, says Margaret. And only if they turn around.

I'll twizzle, says Terence.

No need to twizzle, says Gaius. Just put it on back to front. 

Terence sees at once that this is a very good idea.

Katherine pulls up at the Pinnaroo roadhouse.

They get out of the car.

Gaius helps Terence into his costume, with the potatoes at the front.

We'll try and clean the red line off the back while we're here, says Gaius.

They enter the roadhouse.

Margaret goes up to the counter. Three teas please, says Margaret.

Anything to eat?  asks the attendant.

No thank you, we've brought our own sandwiches, says Margaret.

The attendant notices Terence in his potato costume.

Hello young fellow, says the attendant. I like your costume.

I painted the potatoes myself, says Terence.

They are very realistic potatoes, says the attendant. And I ought to know. 

Are you a potato farmer? asks Katherine.

I am the daughter of a potato farmer, says the attendant.

Perhaps we should order some chips, says Margaret.

You won't be sorry, says the attendant.

 I might, says Terence. 

Can't you eat chips? asks the attendant.

No, says Terence. Only red drinks.

I could whip up a red potato smoothie, says the attendant. 

How wonderful! says Katherine.

So the attendant takes a container of pre-cooked mashed potato out of the fridge and proceeds to whizz it up into a smoothie.

When she has finished it is red, and quite runny.

How did you get it so red and runny? asks Margaret.

Added Ribena, says the attendant.

Woo! In Pinaroo they do creative things with potatoes.

He Did Not Eat Us

We'll stop for lunch in Pinnaroo, says Katherine.

Can I take my costume off? asks Terence.

You should have done it before we got started, says Margaret.

I'll assist you says Gaius.

Why now? asks Margaret.

Because it's got a red line down the front, says Terence.

The red drink? says Gaius.

Yes, says Terence. 

Gaius helps Terence out of his costume.

Where are you going to put it? asks Katherine.

I'll wedge it behind your seat, says Gaius.

Terence sits down.

Bumhole! says Terence.

What did I tell you? asks Katherine.

Not to say it, says Terence. 

Why did you say it? asks Margaret.

Because I can't see, says Terence. 

Margaret twists round in the passenger seat to see why Terence can't see.

The only thing you can't see is the back of Katherine's seat, says Margaret.

I could see more before, says Terence.

You were standing, says Gaius. I suppose you could stand and hold onto the top of the florin. 

Pretend that you're driving, says Katherine.

I'm not a BABY! says Terence.

Sorry, says Katherine. 

Look out of the window, says Margaret. You might see some fossils.

He'll need sharp eyes to see fossils, says Katherine.

What are fossils? asks Terence.

You know what fossils are, says Gaius. Kobo is a fossilised clam.

I wish she was here, says Terence

Why is that? asks Gaius.

I'd have someone to talk to, says Terence.

You can talk to me, says Gaius.

What about? asks Terence.

The green and golden bell frog, says Gaius.

Okay, says Terence. 

Did you know, says Gaius, that they are good at inventing on-the-spot poems?

What nonsense! says Margaret.

Not at all, says Gaius. I recall one that four green and golden bell frogs came up with several years ago for Saint Roley.

How did it go? asks Terence.

Saint Roley the Good! He did not eat us, although he could, says Gaius. 

How sweet! says Katherine.

I'm glad you think so, says Margaret.

Staring At You

 Katherine pulls up in Murray Bridge.

We'll stop here for a coffee, says Katherine.

And Gaius can look for his pencil, says Margaret.

After the coffee, says Gaius. Terence, remind me.

Remember to look for your pencil, says Terence.

After, says Gaius.

After, says Terence.

He is trying to stay out of trouble.

Gaius helps him out of the car.

They look for a café. 

Terence is finding it difficult to walk in his florin costume.

Katherine notices.

Perhaps you should take it off and leave it in the car, says Katherine.

Yes, people are staring at you, says Margaret.

Terence had not noticed that people were staring at him. 

He does now.

I'm keeping it on, says Terence.

A mother with a toddler comes towards them.

The toddler looks scared.

Hello kid, says Terence.

Uch-huh! goes the toddler.

Don't be scared, Tilly, says the mother. It's a child in an easter egg costume.

FLORIN! says Terence.

Tilly hides behind her mother.

Excuse us, says Margaret.

And us, says the mother. Come on, Tilly.

Tilly and her mother continue along Bridge Street to the shops.

Margaret has spotted a café. They go in.

Katherine orders three coffees and a red drink.

They have lovely cakes, says Katherine. Shall we share one?

Yes let's, says Margaret.

Gaius wonders if this includes him.

In any case, let them choose the cake.

He finds a seat and sits down with Terence.

Although Terence, of course, can't sit down, but must stand on his chair.

Aren't you tired of constantly standing? asks Gaius.

No, says Terence. Do I look like an Easter egg?

No, says Gaius. Easter eggs are not round.

Yes they are, says Terence.

Not with a flat front and back like a florin, says Gaius. 

Why did that lady think I was an Easter egg? asks Terence.

She probably didn't, says Gaius. She may have been trying to calm her young child with something familiar.

Because maybe they've got a dog that looks like an Easter egg, says Terence.

Gaius considers the wisdom of continuing with this line of thought.

He is relieved to see Katherine and Margaret approaching the table with cakes.

Died Out No Doubt

Are you all right in the back there? asks Katherine.

Yes! says Terence. 

You, Gaius? asks Katherine. 

I am, says Gaius. But I've realised my notes are in my backpack in the boot. When will we be stopping?

I can stop right now if you like, says Katherine.

No, don't do that, says Gaius. It will be good for me to simply relax and make light conversation.

Yes says Terence. And we can play Cannot But Be.

Not yet, says Gaius.

Okay, says Terence.

They are now at the Tollgate.

So it's frogs, Gaius, says Katherine.

The green and golden bell frog, says Gaius. 

In Canberra? says Katherine.

Yes, says Margaret. They disappeared from Canberra in the 1980s.

Where did they go? asks Terence.

Died out, no doubt, says Margaret.

Died out no doubt, repeats Terence. 

He likes it. It sounds like a poem.

They are being reintroduced, with certain protections, says Gaius.

How fascinating, says Katherine. 

Small salty ponds and warm hotspots, says Margaret.

Gaius is surprised that she knows.

Warm hotspots, says Terence.

You are being very attentive, Terence, says Katherine.

I know, says Terence. It's because I can't sit down.

You'll be happy soon, says Margaret. When we get beyond Mount Barker you'll have a great view of the geological features.

Yay! says Terence. What are they?

Rocky granite outcrops, says Margaret. 

I do love a rocky outcrop, says Katherine. Especially amongst rolling hills. When the grasses are dying.

I didn't know you were a romantic, says Margaret.

My Scottish background, says Katherine.

They pass through Mount Barker.

What about you, Gaius? says Margaret. Are you a romantic?

Gaius has a feeling that Margaret has steered the conversation this way on purpose. Geology, rocky outcrops etcetera. And Katherine has colluded with rolling hills, dying grasses.

What will he reply?

Errm.... begins Gaius.

What's a roomantic? asks Terence.

Ha ha! laughs Katherine A roomantic is an antic one might get up to in a room.

Very funny Katherine! says Margaret.

What's an antic? asks Terence.

A comical action, says Gaius. Such as your florin dance.

You danced in that florin costume? asks Katherine.

Yes, like this, says Terence. He jigs up and down.

But it's hard to reproduce the antic in a limited space, next to a stiff older person. 

A Bus Is More Sensible

Early next morning.

The doorbell rings.

Gaius opens. It's Terence and Belle.

We're here! says Terence. I brought my costume!

He wanted to wear it, says Belle. But I hear that you're travelling by car.

Are we? says Gaius. A bus would be more sensible.

Margaret organised it, says Belle. Isn't she here yet?

Not yet, says Gaius.

But then.

 Katherine's car pulls up in front of his house.

Margaret and Katherine get out.

Terence runs towards them.

Can I wear my costume in the car? asks Terence.

No dear, says Katherine. 

Bumhole! says Terence.

And I don't want to hear you say bumhole again, says Katherine.

Okay, says Terence. But can I bring it?

What? Oh the costume! says Katherine. Yes, if it fits in the boot

Here it is, says Belle. 

Margaret has opened the boot.

Can it be folded? asks Margaret.

NO! says Terence.

Is there room for my back pack? asks Gaius.

Stop fussing, says Katherine.

I wasn't fussing, says Gaius. I was unaware we'd be travelling by car, or even that Katherine was coming.

I am coming, says Katherine. After all it's my car.

It seems I have little choice in the matter, says Gaius. 

And me, says Terence. 

He is wriggling into his costume.

Climb in, says Belle. See if you can sit down.

Terence climbs in, with some help from behind.

But he cannot sit down.

I'll have to stand up, says Terence.

You can't stand up all the way to Canberra, says Margaret. 

I can, says Terence.

Let him try, says Katherine. He has strong legs, and he doesn't need a seat belt.

If you say so, says Margaret. Ready Gaius?

Gaius squeezes his backpack into the boot, between two suitcases, wedged behind a large esky.

Margaret shuts the boot.

Too late, Gaius wonders if he's remembered a pencil.

He climbs in beside Terence.

This is good, says Terence.

Yes, says Gaius.

Ready? says Katherine. Murray Bridge here we come.

Bye, everyone! calls Belle. Have fun!

We will, reply Katherine and Margaret.

Me too! shouts Terence.

The edge of the florin costume digs into Gaius.

Gaius affects a stoic expression.