Don't Blow It

It's a bit late to call Minnie.

But Margaret calls her anyway.

Margaret? says Minnie. What's the matter?

Nothing's the matter, says Margaret. 

Then why are you calling so late, and what's all that fracas?

Fracas? says Margaret. I'm in the artists' bar at the Fringe.

I don't believe you, says Minnie. 

I've been helping out with a production of Candide, says Margaret.

Isn't that a musical? asks Minnie. You hate musicals.

This wasn't a musical version, says Margaret, it was an excerpt. And I lent them our geological society umbrellas and handed out seeds.

That doesn't sound like the Candide I remember, says Minnie.

You are behind the times, says Margaret. But that's not what I rang for.

Good, says Minnie. What then?

I'm planning on coming for a visit, and bringing a gentleman friend, says Margaret. 

A gentleman friend? says Minnie. Who is it?

It's Gaius, says Margaret. I may have mentioned him, a few years ago.

The natural historian? says Minnie. 

That's him, says Margaret. What do you say?

Good for you, says Minnie. Better late than never. What shall I give him for breakfast?

I don't think he's fussy, says Margaret.

Yes but .... says Minnie.

I'll ask him, and let you know, says Margaret. Oh, and would you mind if I also brought a young lad called Terence?

That's me! shouts Terence.

How young is this lad? asks Minnie. 

Not as young as he looks, says Margaret. And he won't be any trouble.

Was that his voice I heard? asks Minnie.

Yes, says Margaret.

Let me speak to him, says Minnie.

All right, says Margaret.

She hands Terence the phone.

Don't blow it, says Margaret.

Which is not an expression he knows

Shitty Fungus

Henriette, Gaius and Denis drink their hot chocolate.

Gaius looks thoughtful.

What are you thinking? Henriette.

I prefer not to stay with Margaret and her sister, says Gaius.

So tell them, says Denis.

Margaret thinks I'm keen, says Gaius.

How do you know? asks Henriette.

I was talking to Arthur, but she thought I was talking to her, says Gaius.

Just now? asks Denis. How did that happen?

Arthur must have handed his phone to her as I was talking, says Gaius.

How awful, says Henriette. Looks like you're stuck with the sisters.

Look on the bright side, says Denis.

Which is, says Gaius. 

A comfortable bed free of charge, says Denis. Probably a hot breakfast before you set out. The three of you, looking for frogs. Margaret being an expert, and a good chance her sister is too. And even if she isn't, she'll have local knowledge.

Yes, that's all very  well, says Gaius. But I prefer camping, and I'm well-informed about frogs.

Of course you are, says Henriette. Perhaps you should tell them.

Hum, says Gaius.

He should tell them. But how?

.....

In the artists' bar, Margaret gives Arthur his phone.

Thanks, says Arthur. 

We're going to Canberra, says Margaret.

We? says Arthur.

Gaius and I, says Margaret.

Oh are you? says Belle. How lovely. 

Am I going? asks Terence.

Do you want to go? asks Belle. 

Yes, says Terence, I know all about frogs.

Is that so? says Margaret. 

Yes, says Terence. They have different tattoos. And get shitty fungus.

Shitty fungus? says Margaret. I suppose you mean chytrid fungus.

I suppose I mean shitty fungus, says Terence. 

Ha ha, laughs Vello. Terence knows what he means.

He does NOT, says Margaret. And he won't get on well with my sister.

Yes I will, says Terence. She'll love me.

Not if you're rude, says Margaret.

Does that mean I'm coming?  asks Terence. 

Everyone waits for the answer. 

I'll need to ask Minnie, says Margaret.

Minnie. That must be her sister.

Nothing Wrong With Women

The artists' bar is still buzzing.

But it's getting late for some people.

I should think about going, says Gaius.

Me too, says Denis. 

I'll come with you, says Ageless. 

Do I have to go? asks Terence.

You can stay a bit longer and come home with me, says Belle.

Yay! says Terence.

Gaius, Denis and Ageless make their way to the exit.

You're a lucky devil, says Denis.

I hardly think so, says Gaius. 

Margaret, says Denis. Knowing all about frogs, and having that sister.

She tends to be interfering, says Gaius. I can do without her assistance.

Women, says Ageless.

Nothing wrong with women, says Denis. 

Didn't say there was, says Ageless. It was your Henriette who encouraged me to go for the part of Candide.

She did? says Denis. What did she say exactly?

She said she'd pay good money to see me in the role, says Ageless.

I wonder if she did, says Gaius. 

She did, says Ageless I heard her.

 I meant, did she attend the performance? says Gaius.

Didn't see her, says Denis.

She may have left early, says Gaius.

They catch the bus home.

They arrive at Gaius's house.

Henriette is in the kitchen, talking to Kobo.

Me too, Kobo is saying.

Henriette looks up. 

We both hate Q and As, says Henriette. 

Were you at the performance? asks Denis.

Yes, says Henriette. Is it always like that?

Did you find it confusing? asks Gaius.

Not me, says Henriette. I knew about Denis's ankle. How is it, Denis?

Improving, says Denis.

Would you like a hot chocolate? asks Henriette.

I don't think you'll find ingredients for hot chocolate in my house, says Gaius.

Door Dash, says Henriette.

What's that? asks Gaius. 

Someone brings it, says Henriette. Do you want one?

Err...yes please, says Gaius. And then I must pack.

Now? asks Henriette.

Yes now, says Gaius.

He's going to Canberra to check out some frogs, says Denis.

And the sooner the better, says Gaius. I must call Arthur.

He calls Arthur, who is still in the artists' bar, drinking.

What? says Arthur.

Canberra, says Gaius. I'm leaving first thing in the morning.

Where? asks Arthur.

What kind of question is that? says Gaius. Canberra. You must know where that is. Is Margaret still there?

Arthur hands his phone over to Margaret, who is still there.

Because I'd like you to come with me, says Gaius, and I want us to leave ASAP.

You are keen, Gaius! says Margaret. Of course I'll need to tee it up with my sister, but worst case scenario, we can check into a hotel together. 

Gaius is now sorry he called Arthur.

Although he couldn't have known this would happen.

Ding Dong! It's Door Dash.

That was quick.

Three hot chocolates have arrived.

A Spineless Reply

Where where you? asks Gaius.

Getting feedback, says Terence.

Spit it out, says Vello.

They loved me, says Terence. My dance and my socks and my potatoes.

Who is they? asks Vello.

The person who got the last of the seeds, says Ageless. I received feedback as well.

Which was? says Vello.

Perhaps I shouldn't say, says Ageless.

Rubbish, says Vello. Good or bad, we need to hear it.

All right, says Ageless, but Denis might not like it.

I'll live with it, says Denis. 

They said I was good as Candide, says Ageless.

I'm glad they thought so, says Vello. Did they mention Denis?

They said we could have done without him, says Ageless.

They were probably confused, says Belle.

No, we could have done without him, says Vello. But his name was on the flier, and he is well known. Whereas Ageless isn't.

I am now, says Ageless.

Perhaps we'll find a part for you next year, says Vello.

Candide? asks Ageless. 

Hey, says Sweezus. I'm playing Candide next year.

And I won't be here, says Denis.

Plans? asks Gaius.

Plans, says Denis. I'm returning to France. 

I was hoping you might accompany me on my next venture, says Gaius.

Desolé, says Denis.

Margaret has been listening. 

What is your next venture Gaius? asks Margaret.

I plan to journey to Canberra to see first hand the work being done to preserve the green and gold bell frog, says Gaius.

Can I be the frog guy? asks Terence.

Perhaps, says Gaius. I might just ask Arthur.

Arthur hasn't been listening. If he had he would not want to go.

But if he had heard Margaret asking he might have agreed to go anyway. 

To prevent the next thing from happening.

Canberra! says Margaret. I have a sister there!  You can stay with her. And I'll come too, of course. Perhaps I can make myself useful, I'm quite knowledgeable about frogs.

Oh, are you? says Gaius. 

A spineless reply.

Distractions

 Ageless and Terence go back to the artists' bar.

You can't go in there, says the bouncer.

I was already in there, says Terence. 

I don't think so, says the bouncer.

And so was Ageless, says Terence.

The bouncer looks at Ageless.

Show us your pass, says the bouncer.

I don't have one, says Ageless. 

No pass, no entry, says the bouncer.

We were in a show, says Terence.

So you should have got passes, says the bouncer.

Mine's in there, says Terence.

I've got nowhere to put one, says Ageless.

What about that beanie? asks the bouncer.

This beanie? says Ageless.

He pokes Terence. 

The poke means: I'll distract him while you run inside.

But will Terence know this?

Ouch! says Terence. You poked me.

He would have been signalling you to run inside while I was distracted, says the bouncer.

Curses! says Ageless. 

I know all the tricks, says the bouncer.

Belle comes to the entrance, having realised that Terence was missing.

Ah, there you are Terence! And Ageless! We were wondering where you'd got to.

You know these characters? says the bouncer.

Of course I do, says Belle. This is Ageless lobster who played Candide in our play.

And who am I? prompts Terence.

And this is Terence who was in it as well, says Belle.

He's underage, says the bouncer.

He actually isn't, says Belle. 

I'm two thousand years old, says Terence.

No you aren't, says Belle. But you're as old as the Sagrada Famiglia.

I know, says Terence.

And his pass is inside, says Belle. I can get it.

Okay, what about the lobster? says the bouncer.

He can't wear a lanyard, says Belle. No neck.

That's true, thinks the bouncer. No neck, no lanyard, no pass. I'll take her word that he's an artist. And the kid's as old as whatever that thing was she mentioned.

Also the queue of artists waiting to get into the artists' bar has grown longer.

So he lets them go in.

No Need For The Other Guy

And what's Terence's idea?

It's to go back to the tree and get feedback.

From anyone but the person who said they loved Hedley.

He sneaks out of the artists' bar while no one is looking.

Outside the artists' bar he sees Ageless, trying to get in.

Terence! says Ageless.

What? asks Terence.

Were you in there? asks Ageless.

Yes, says Terence. But I had an idea.

How about helping me get in, before you go off and do it, says Ageless.

No, I have to hurry, says Terence.

I'll come with you, says Ageless. Where are you going?

Follow me, says Terence.

Ageless follows Terence back to the tree.

There are only two queue members there now.

And one is the one who loved Hedley.

Too late, says Terence.

What for? asks Ageless.

Feedback, says Terence. 

It's not too late, says Ageless.

Ageless sidles up to the two queue members.

The one who loved Hedley is pouring seeds into a torn piece of paper, held by the other.

I may as well have all of them, says the other.

But there may be a latecomer, says the one who loved Hedley.

Hello, says Ageless. Remember me?

A latecomer! What did I tell you? says the one who loved Hedley.

That's not a latecomer, says the other. That's the lobster Candide.

And me, says Terence.

Yes, you played the florin, says the the other queue member.

Yes! says Terence. Did you love me?

I did, says the other. You did that dance. And you had yellow socks on. And when you turned round we could see the potatoes.

I know, says Terence. AND I was the hingeman.

With the mechanical grabber, says Ageless. 

I thought so, because of the socks, says the other. That role would have been quite demanding.

True, says the one who loved Hedley. It was all in the timing.

Yes, it was, says Ageless. He did a good job. And what did you think about me?

You were great. They didn't need the other guy, says the one who loved Hedley.

What excellent feedback.

Well, thanks for the feedback, says Ageless. We're off to the artists' bar now.

I'm going to help him get in, says Terence.

Ageless is annoyed, but gets over it quickly.

They Should Have Loved Me

Under the tree is a table, and a small plastic chair.

Belle places the bowl of seeds on the table.

Where's the teaspoon? asks Belle.

Terence took it with him when he went to look for Gaius, says Margaret.

So it's lost, says Belle. Never mind, Terence.  Put the paper towels on the table.

Terence does that.

Now do we get our free seeds? asks a dwindled queue member.

Yes, says Belle. Can we leave you in charge?

Me? says the queue member.

Yes, says Belle. 

How am I supposed to give out the seeds without a teaspoon? asks the queue member.

Make small cones with the papers, and tip the seeds in, says Belle.

Then twist the top, says Margaret.

Yes, then twist the top, says Belle.

Yes, says Terence.

Shall I wait here? asks Margaret.

No, says Belle. Come to the artists' bar with me and Terence. You deserve a free beer.

What about the bowl? asks Margaret.

We'll leave it here on the table, says the queue member. Great show, by the way.

Thank you, says Belle.

I loved the girl of easy virtue, says the queue member.

That was HEDLEY! says Terence.

Come on, says Belle.

She and Margaret and Terence head off to the artists' bar.

The others are on their third beer.

Margaret! says Gaius. Have you come for your umbrellas?

Yes, says Margaret. And I didn't appreciate being left behind with the seeds.

A security guard came and told her to move, says Belle. Where's that drink I left with you, Sweezie?

Drank it, says Sweezus. I'll get you another.

Well, Margaret, did you receive any feedback? asks Vello.

Someone said they loved the girl of easy virtue, says Margaret.

Boo! says Terence. They should have loved me.

I'm sure they loved you as well, says Belle.

I don't think they loved ME, says Denis.

Too old, says Vello. We'll get Sweezus to play Candide next year.

Maybe they didn't know it was me, says Terence.

They knew, says Belle. If we'd stayed, I bet someone would have said so.

Sweezus comes back with a fresh beer for Belle and one for Margaret.

Terence gets nothing.

Except an idea.