New Acquistions

I don't know much about art, says Prong.

I do, says Terence.

Yes, Prong, says Katherine. Terence is from Barcelona.

Is he? asks Minnie.

Yes I used to live on a palace, says Terence.

On it? says Minnie.

It was the Sagrada Familia, says Katherine.

There were all kinds of animals, says Terence.

Were there parrots? asks Prong.

Millions of parrots, says Terence.

I wish there were some parrots here, says Prong.

There probably are, says Minnie. Let's look for them.

What a good idea, says Katherine. It's good to have some sort of focus.

So they move from gallery to gallery looking for parrots.

....

Meanwhile, back in Adelaide, Arthur has woken.

Ugh! Buuuh! 

His usual first utterings after a night out.

His phone rings.

What? says Arthur.

Tickets for Barcelona, says Sweezus. Did you get them?

Not yet, says Arthur. You haven't told me who's coming.

You and me bro, says Sweezus. I'm going to ask Pablo but he'll already be there.

He's not Spanish, says Arthur. He's from Chile.

Fuck yeah, says Sweezus. Okay, but he won't have to get there from here.

What about Gaius? asks Arthur.

He'll be with Team Philosophe, says Sweezus. 

Okay, says Arthur.

He goes back to sleep for another ten minutes.

Sweezus heads in to work.

He arrives in time to hear Vello lamenting.

When? When will I hear back from Pablo?

And Belle saying, don't worry, I'll call him.

And she tries calling, but Pablo doesn't answer.

Sweezus realises he might have a problem.

....

And back at the National Gallery in Canberra, 

Prong is elated.

They have spotted a spectacular parrot in New Acquistions. 

What Is Vom?

They are in Gallery 14. 

Katherine and Minnie are admiring the photos.

They are photos of family Christmases in the early 2000s.

A Christmas tree in a red bucket.

We had one of those, says Minnie.

A kid in a mask and a Robin suit, posing.

What a glorious expression, says Katherine. 

and then...

Where is Terence? asks Minnie.

Terence has left the gallery.

Katherine walks to the entrance of gallery 14, and looks out.

An attendant is standing there.

Have you seen a young boy with a parrot's head poking out of the front of his shorts? asks Katherine.

The attendant looks as though he is not often asked such a question

Not a real parrot, Katherine adds hastily.

No, madam, says the attendant. Would you like me to put out an alert?

Not yet, says Katherine. He knows where we are.

The  attendant walks off, taking out his walkie-talkie.

Drat, says Katherine. 

What is it? asks Minnie.

I think he's going to put out an alert for Terence, says Katherine.

Do they know about the parrot? asks Minnie.

I said it wasn't a real one, says Katherine.

But they'll soon see it is, says Minnie.

Just then Terence turns up.

Where have you been? asks Katherine.

Looking for a window, says Terence. 

Whatever for? asks Minnie.

To wave out of, says Terence.

At me, says Prong, from the front of Terence's shorts.

(Yes Prong is at the front now, after a difficult journey).

That was if Prong was outside in a tree, says Katherine. But she's here, so you don't need a window.

Now everyone will be looking for you, says Minnie.

Why? asks Terence.

I reported you missing, says Katherine.

I'll go and find the attendant and tell him you're found, says Minnie. You and Prong stay here with Katherine and look at the photos.

Okay, says Terence.

He looks at one of the photos.

It shows a Chrismtas tree in a red bucket, next to a window.

Boring.

The next one shows a man lying down next to a red bucket. You can just see his head.

And there is something yellow in the bucket.

Vom! says Terence.

What's vom? asks Prong.

Minnie returns.

I told him, says Minnie. The alert has been cancelled.

Good, says Katherine. Let's go somewhere else.

Yes, says Terence. This gallery is rubbish.

Prong doesn't think so.

But what does she know about art?

One Of Two Ways

Why do you ask? replies Katherine.

You spoke to it before you entered the gallery, says the attendant.

It's Prong, says Terence. My parrot. She's not allowed in.

It would be better if she waited in a tree, says the attendant. 

She liked the look of the metal ball, says Minnie. Surely a parrot can sit where it chooses?

I'm going to wave to her from a window, says Terence.

Then allow me to recommend a tree, says the attendant.

Very kind, says Katherine.

Yes, very kind, says Minnie. We'll be in the Trent Parke exhibition. Where is it?

Level one, Gallery fourteen, says the attendant.

Thank you, says Minnie.

Can we leave you to direct our parrot to a suitable tree? asks Katherine.

Unforunately not, says the attendant. I'm an indoor attendant.

I'll go, says Terence. Just tell me which tree.

That one should do, says the attendant, pointing to a tree.

Terence runs outside, while Katherine and Minnie wait in the foyer.

Birds! says the attendant. They tend to defecate on the artworks.

It's perfectly natural, says Katherine.

No, it isn't, says the attendant. Not on artworks.  That's why we planted the trees.

Terence comes back inside, slowly.

The attendant looks outside at the metal ball, which is now parrot-free.

Excellent, says the attendant. Enjoy your visit.

Katherine and Minnie head to a staircase. 

Come on Terence, says Katherine. Why are you walking backwards?

Because I want to walk backwards, says Terence.

Up the stairs? asks Minnie.

Yes, says Terence. Maybe I should go first.

They let Terence go first, up the stairs backwards.

Something looks odd.

It's his gecko shorts, which have suddenly got tighter.

You don't suppose...? says Minnie.

Prong's down the back of his shorts, says Katherine.

Am I at the top yet? asks Terence.

Yes, says Minnie. You can turn around now.

Terence turns around. 

Prong's green head emerges from the top of his waistband.

Terence! says Minnie, You've smuggled Prong in.

Yes, says Terence. And no one saw anything.

Are you all right, Prong? asks Katherine.

Yes, says Prong, but I'd rather be at the front than the back.

Understandable, says Katherine. If I were in your position I'd feel the same.

Why? asks Terence.

Because, says Katherine, if I was peeping out from the front of your gecko shorts we'd see the same things at the same time.

Okay, says Terence. 

How will Prong get from the back to the front of Terence's gecko shorts without anyone seeing? asks Minnie.

Mm. One of two ways, says Katherine.

Why are Katherine and Minnie both laughing?

How Come Only Almost?

Terence has spotted Prong.

Guess what? asks Terence.

What? says Prong. I had a nice breakfast, thank you.

What was it? asks Terence. 

Grass seeds, says Prong.

So guess what, says Terence.

What? says Prong. Am I getting a passport?

Later, says Terence. I have to go to a gallery and you're coming.

What's a gallery? asks Prong.

You'll see, says Terence.

How was I supposed to guess what if you won't even tell me? asks Prong.

It would be too late, says Terence.

Tell me anyway, says Prong, Then say Guess what.

Okay, says Terence. A gallery is a room with stuff in.

Like a kitchen, says Prong.

No. Special stuff like photos of Christmas trees, says Terence.

So now say Guess what, says Prong.

Guess what? asks Terence.

We're going to a gallery to see photos of Christmas trees, says Prong.

Correct, says Terence. Almost.

How come only almost? asks Prong.

Because you're not allowed in, says Terence. You have to wait outside in a tree.

I hope it's a box tree, says Prong.

Katherine and Minnie come out, dressed for a visit to the National Gallery.

Come on Terence, says Katherine. You too, Prong. Do you know where we're going?

Yes I do know, says Prong.

They get into Minnie's car and drive to the National Gallery.

They arrive, park the car, and head to the entrance.

Which tree will Prong wait in? asks Minnie.

A box tree, says Terence.

Never mind that, says Prong. There are better things here to sit on. 

She flies across to a large metal ball covered in squiggles. 

I'll wait here on this.

I'll wave to you when I'm in the gallery, says Terence.

He follows Katherine and Minnie inside.

An attendant comes up to them.

Is that your parrot, on the metal ball outside? asks the attendant.

We Need That Type Of Person

Are we going back to Mawson Ponds? asks Margaret.

Yes, says Gaius. Coming, Terence? 

Can we wait for Prong? asks Terence.

I'd like to get going, says Gaius. 

I'll wait here with Terence, says Katherine.

I thought we were going to the National Gallery, says Minnie.

We are, says Katherine. But surely Prong won't be long.

Okay, says Minnie. But then what? We can't take a parrot to the National Gallery.

But we can take Terence, says Katherine. It will be educational. And Prong can wait outside in a tree.

Does that mean I have to go to a gallery? asks Terence.

Yes, dear, says Katherine. 

You'll love it, says Minnie. You'll see photos of Christmas trees. The Trent Parke exhibition.

Woo! says Terence.

Gaius and Margaret leave for Mawson Ponds.

Mind if I go extra fast? I may need the practice, says Gaius, zooming off. 

Don't mind me, says Margaret, speeding up behind him.

Terence goes outside to wait for Prong.

I might call David, says Katherine. See if they need a third rider.

You never know, says Minnie. 

Katherine calls David.

Hello mother, says David. Is anything wrong?

Of course not, says Katherine. I'm just calling to see if  you and Vello are ready for Barcelona.

Yes, mother, says David. Except, we're waiting to hear back from someone.

Is it Gaius? asks Katherine.

No, it's ... Why do you ask? saks David.

Gaius doesn't know if he's going, says Katherine.

So he's not with Team Condor? asks David.

Not at this stage, says Katherine. Don't you need him?

We might, says David. We've asked that chap Pablo, but we haven't heard back.

Pablo? says Katherine. He's not a philosopher. And isn't he a bit young? And wasn't he in Team Condor a few years ago?

Yes, yes and yes, says David. Vello thinks we need that type of person.

Well good luck, says Katherine. By the way, you might see Terence there with his new parrot.

You don't say, says David. How is Canberra?

Very interesting, says Katherine. I'm off to the National Gallery today.

Then I hope you have a nice day, says David.

Thank you, says Katherine. Goodbye David.

That did not go too well.

But she hears a faint waark! from the front garden.

Followed by a woop! 

Perhaps Terence has just spotted Prong.

Bring Prong

It's morning.

Prong wants something to eat.

Let me out, says Prong.

Why? asks Terence.

Breakfast, says Prong.

Terence lets Prong out through the front door, and heads for the kitchen where he can hear noises.

Gaius, Margaret and Minnie are all eating Weetbix.

Did you let the parrot out? asks Minnie.

Yes, says Terence. She wanted some breakfast.

What would you like? asks Minnie. A red drink?

A red drink, says Terence. And then can we call Sweezus and ask him?

Ask him what? asks Margaret.

Terence wants to go to Barcelona, says Katherine.

Why does he have to ask Sweezus? asks Margaret.

Because Sweezus will be going, says Gaius. 

Not you? says Margaret.

Not unless I'm asked, says Gaius.

Vello and David might be planning to ask you, says Katherine. They're such slackers.

We'll see, says Gaius. Right now I'm assuming they won't.

Can we call NOW? asks Terence.

Very well, says Gaius.

He calls Sweezus, who answers.

Hey! Gaius! What's up?

Erm.. just wondering. Is Team Condor ready for Barcelona?

Yeah, all good, says Sweezus. You going?

I don't know yet, says Gaius. I'm available of course. But Terence has been asking if he could travel with you.

Oh yeah! says Sweezus. That's where we met, Barcelona.

I remember it well, says Gaius. He fell off the Sagrada Familia and you caught him.

Can I talk now? asks Terence.

Terence wants to talk, says Gaius.

Put him on, says Sweezus.

Guess what? says Terence. 

What, little buddy? asks Sweezus.

I've got a new parrot, says Terence. And it isn't a prawn.

Why would I think it was a prawn? asks Sweezus.

Because it was, says Terence. But Prawny's decomposing.

Woah! says Sweezus. What's the new one?

Prong, says Terence. And she's a real parrot and she knows how to find things and she's nearly as good as me at Cannot But Be.

Awesome, says Sweezus. And you want to come with me and Arthur to Barcelona?

Yes, and Prong, says Terence.

No worries, says Sweezus. Bring Prong.

Yay! says Terence. When are we leaving?

I'll let you know, says Sweezus. See ya, little buddy.

He said yes! says Terence.

Did he say anything else? asks Gaius.

Bring Prong, says Terence.

And nothing about a parrot passport? says Gaius.

He wouldn't have thought of it, says Katherine. 

Too focussed on other things, says Gaius. I'll call Arthur later.

Why not now? asks Katherine.

Nine am. He'll be sleeping, says Gaius. 

Terence runs to the door to look for Prong.

But Prong has not returned yet from breakfast, having been held up temporarily.

Not The Virgin

It's a long night.

Gaius is dreaming. 

In the dream he is riding a bike.

Not Minnie's bike, but a top level racer.

He is right behind Arthur, his team mate. 

Arthur drops something on the road.

Gaius swerves to avoid it,

It's a geen and golden bell frog.

Lucky.

A parrot drops onto his shoulder. 

Arggh! Get off me! I'm racing!

Gaius wakes up at this point.

Curses! Now he'll have to get up and go to the toilet.

He hopes he won't bump into Minnie or Margaret or Katherine.

He listens.

Nothing.

He gets up, and tiptoes to the toilet.

Good. No ladies in there.

He is just leaving when he bumps into Katherine.

Can't you sleep either? asks Katherine.

I dreamed a parrot landed on my shoulder while I was racing, says Gaius.

Lets hope it's not prescient, says Katherine.

The parrot? asks Gaius.

No, the dream, says Katherine. 

It may well have been, says Gaius. When is the Tour anyway?

Goodness, says Katherine. Where are we, June? The Tour's in July.

No one's asked me to be in it, says Gaius. Perhaps I'm not wanted.

You can probably assume so, says Katherine. Pity.

Not really, says Gaius. 

Only because this year they're starting in Barcelona, says Katherine.

Ah! says Gaius. Barcelona. Terence would have liked that.

Terence has heard voices and sneaked up to listen.

Can we go anyway? asks Terence.

So you heard that, says Gaius. 

Can we? asks Terence

Not if I'm not in it, says Gaius.

I can go with Sweezus! says Terence.

I suppose so, if he's willing to take you, says Gaius.

We'll call him in the morning, says Katherine.

Yay! says Terence. I'm going to Barcelona! I'll show Prong my palace.

You won't be taking Prong, says Gaius. She can't travel out of the country.

She can get a parrot passport, says Terence.

You'll have to ask Arthur, says Gaius. He's good at those things.

Yes! says Terence. He is already imagining himself showing Prong around the Sagrada Familia. 

All the carved animals. The tiny people. The Sylvanian bears. The Virgin. No, maybe not her. She might tell Saint Joseph.