The Philopher's Angles

What are you waiting for? asks Gaius.

Where do I grab you? asks Terence.

Good point, says Gaius.

Where's the good point? asks Terence.

Ha ha! laughs Baby Pierre.

I mean it's a good point you've raised, says Gaius. What do you think, Denis?

There are two things to consider, says Denis. One is he won't have tongs, but a mechanical grabber. 

Which will probably be longer, says Gaius.

Is that two things? asks Terence.

You can't even count, says Baby Pierre.

I can if there are two things, says Terence. And the tongs and the grabber are two things, but I don't have them at the same time.

Quite right Terence, says Denis. We'll make a philosopher of you yet. Let us agree the tongs/grabber question is one thing.

Yes, let us, says Terence. 

Baby Pierre looks scornful.

So, says Denis, with the mechanical grabber, Terence has more scope. He could grab you theoretically anywhere.

True, but not actually helpful, says Gaius.

Until we consider the other thing, says Denis.

Let us, says Terence.

He likes being a philosopher.

Which is? asks Gaius. 

We are supposed to be dining in the ruins, says Denis. Are we sitting or standing? 

I see what you're getting at, says Gaius.

What? asks Terence.

Angles, says Baby Pierre.

I won't be wearing the socks, says Terence. 

Not ankles, says Gaius.

No, angles, says Denis. If the henchman is sitting near Pangloss, he'll have access to most of Pangloss's upper body. If we're all standing, it's another story.

Let's assume we're sitting, says Gaius. Broken chairs would seem plausible.

Or boxes, says Denis. Or columns.

I doubt Belle's props box runs to broken columns, says Gaius.

Let us be sitting on broken chairs, says Terence.

Right, says Gaius. But for now, let us sit on unbroken chairs so we can practise.

Denis drags out two chairs.

Gaius sits on one and Terence sits on the other, holdng the tongs.

Try grabbing me in various places, says Gaius.

Terence grabs Gaius's wrist. 

That looked natural, says Denis.

Wrist it is, says Gaius. Well done, Terence.

Except he's forgotten something, says Baby Pierre. You all have.

What? asks Terence.

You were pouring the wine, when you got the signal, says Baby Pierre. So you have to put the bottle down and go and fetch your grabber, or will the grabber be there in your pocket?

Curses! says Gaius. We hadn't thought about that.

But Terence has now learned to be philosophical.

So let us, says Terence.

No One Has Said

Put me down! says Baby Pierre.

You said you could do anything, says Terence.

Put him down, says Gaius.

Terence opens the tongs.

Baby Pierre drops to the floor.

Voila! says Baby Pierre.

You didn't do it, says Terence. I did.

I made you do it, says Baby Pierre.

How? asks Terence.

I told you to do it, and you didn't do it so Gaius told you to do it, says Baby Pierre.

How is that YOU doing it? asks Terence.

It's rather like the Will that is Determined, says Gaius.

So it is, says Denis. Determined by a higher power. Which in this case was Gaius.

Exactly, says Gaius. Maybe there's something in Pangloss's view after all.

Wasn't Terence meant to seize you with the tongs? asks Baby Pierre.

He was, says Gaius.

And he didn't. So in that case the higher power wasn't you , says Baby Pierre.

You're a idiot, says Terence. I was just doing what I wanted.

Do it properly this time, says Baby Pierre.

Yes, says Gaius. Do it properly. Acting is a discipline.

Okay, says Terence. Are you ready?

He opens the tongs.

Where are we starting? asks Gaius.

Say the willy's determined, says Terence.

The Will IS Determined, says Gaius.

Baby Pierre winks at Terence.

Terence now has to decide whereabouts to grab Gaius.

No one has said.

Free And Determined

You need to pour it more slowly, says Gaius.

He didn't give me a signal, says Terence.

I did, says Baby Pierre.

What was it? asks Terence.

This, says Baby Pierre.

He winks at Terence.

You're meant to nod, says Terence.

How can he nod? asks Denis. He's a pebble.

I can do anything, says Baby Pierre.

You can't nod if you don't have a neck, says Gaius.

Anything I want to, says Baby Pierre.

Okay, wink, says Terence. Now I know the signal.

Shall we do it again? asks Baby Pierre.

When I've mopped up the spilt water, says Gaius.

I'll do it, says Denis. You say your lines.

For the Will that is Determined, says Gaius.

Baby Pierre winks at Terence.

I hadn't started pouring, says Terence.

Start now, says Gaius, and I'll say my lines again.

For the Will that is Determined.

What does that mean? asks Baby Pierre.

Nothing on its own, says Gaius. But it's part of Dr Pangloss's explanation of why he believes in a form of free will that is determined.

By who? asks Baby Pierre.

Shut up, says Terence. Why do you care?

I'm a free thinker, says Baby Pierre.

Just give me the signal, says Terence.

Baby Pierre winks at Terence.

Too late, says Terence. I ran out of water.

Never mind, says Gaius. My glass is half full. It's now that you seize me.

My favourite part! says Terence.

Pity we don't have the mechnical grabber, says Denis.

I may have some tongs in the gadget drawer, says Gaius.

He puts his half full glass down, and looks.

Yes. Here, Terence. Squeeze this end and the tongs close up. Have a practice.

Terence squeezes the end of the tongs.

They open, close, open.

Try grabbing something, says Denis.

Terence knows he means something inanimate.

But he doesn't care. 

He closes the tongs around Baby Pierre.

Dancing In Donuts

Belle has dropped Terence off at Gaius's house and gone back to the office.

Terence is showing Gaius and Denis his socks.

They've got grips on the bottom, says Terence.

Very nice, says Denis.

So I won't slip when I'm dancing, says Terence.

Sensible, says Gaius.

And I have to roll the tops down, says Terence.

Or they'll look like tights, says someone.

Who said it? 

It's Baby Pierre.

They won't look like tights, says Terence. And who asked you anyway?

You should try them on now, says Baby Pierre.

I'm going to, says Terence.

He tries to separate the socks.

But the socks are joined at the top by a thin plastic joiner, with a stopper at each end.

Let me do it, says Gaius.

He snips the socks apart with his scissors.

Terence tries the socks on, and rolls the tops down.

Ha ha! laughs Baby Pierre. You'll look like you're dancing in donuts.

If you fold them, they won't look like donuts, says Denis.

He helps Terence roll up the socks and then fold them so they don't look like donuts.

Terence does his florin dance.

The non-slip grips work really well.

Excellent, says Gaius. You must remember to take off the socks when you're playing the henchman.

Henchman? says Baby Pierre.

I've got two parts, says Terence. 

How can you play a henchman? scoffs Baby Pierre.

Easy, says Terence. No wait. It's HARD. I have to pour wine and watch for a signal, and then stop pouring and pick up my mechanical grabber and seize Gaius.

You won't be able to, says Baby Pierre.

He will, says Gaius. He just needs to practise.

Yes. Watch me, says Terence.

All right, says Gaius. Would you like to practice with a bottle of water?

Yes, says Terence. But who's going to give me the signal? 

I will, says Baby Pierre. When do I give it?

After I say For the Will that is Determined, says Gaius.

Okay, says Baby Pierre.

Denis gives him a glass.

Pour! says Denis.

Terence pours water into Baby Pierre's glass. 

Gaius says: For the Will that is Determined...

Baby Pierre winks at Terence.

His glass overflows.

Maybe that wasn't the signal.

Good Remembering Backwards

You really should practise your dance with the socks on, says Belle.

Where are they? asks Terence.

We need to buy them, says Belle. Want to come with me?

Yes, says Terence.

Good, says Vello. Now we can all get some work done.

See you later, little buddy, says Sweezus.

Belle and Terence head down to Rundle Mall.

Yellow socks, says Belle. Where's the best place to find them?

The yellow sock shop, says Terence.

If only there was a yellow sock shop, says Belle. But I don't think there is.  Let's try David Jones.

They go to David Jones and take the escalator up to the children's wear floor.

I can't see the socks, says Belle. Can you see them?

No, says Terence. You go that way I'll go this way.

No! says Belle. 

But it's too late. Terence has gone this way.

He sprints though the baby clothes. Wait. Stop! Yellow leggings, hanging down from a yellow baby teeshirt, with a train on the front.

Can I help you? asks an assistant.

Have you got a knife? asks Terence.

Certainly not, says the assistant. Where is your mother?

In Barcelona, says Terence.

Your guardian then, says the assistant.

Belle appears, holding three pairs of socks.

Is this child with you? asks the assistant.

Yes, says Belle. We were looking for yellow socks and he went off on his own.

He asked me for a knife, says the assistant.

Did he? says Belle.

I found these leggings, says Terence. If we cut off the top they'd be socks.

They'd fall down straight away, says Belle. 

And unravel, says the assistant.

Yes, and unravel, says Belle. But good work Terence, for spotting the leggings and thinking of a plan.

Not a good plan. He could have asked me for scissors, says the assistant.

Yes, why didn't you? asks Belle.

Because, says Terence. Scissors are wimpy.

Scissors would have been much more effective, says the assistant. 

Yes they would, agrees Belle. Not that it matters. What do you think of these, Terence?

Terence looks at the three pairs of socks.

All bright yellow.

One pair has HAPPY printed near the ankle.

One pair has little black ducks round the top.

A third pair has non-slip grips on the bottom.

Terence likes all of them.

Are they for school or sport? asks the assistant.

A play, says Belle. Terence is playing a florin. 

I have to roll down the tops so the audience sees my legs, says Terence.

So you don't need the duck ones, says the assistant. Will you have shoes on?

No, says Terence. I'll be dancing.

He does a few steps of the dance. 

That's delightful, says the assistant.

Down and out! sings Terence.

Those are some of his lines, says Belle. But he's not meant to sing them.

When he was! sings Terence, remembering what comes before.

To Candide he gave me! sings Terence.

You've got it all backwards, says Belle. But it's good remembering, all the same.

Yes, agrees the assistant. So it's Candide, is it?

It is, says Belle. We're performing it in the Fringe, next week.

I must come, says the assistant.

Yes do, says Belle. You won't be disappointed.

I'll look for the boy in the socks, says the assistant.

Which socks? asks Terence.

The non-slip grip socks, says the assistant.

Yes, it's decided.

Down And Out

What if they don't know it's me, says Terence.

They'll soon guess, says Belle.

How? asks Terence. They might think I'm Hedley.

Hedley is taller, says Belle.

But I'm on first! says Terence.

They'll know when you dance, says Sweezus.

Yes! says Terence. Let's practise the dancing!

Okay, dude, says Sweezus.

Don't you have work to do? says Vello. 

This won't take long, says Sweezus.

He stands next to Terence.

Want to dance before or after? asks Sweezus.

Before or after what? asks Terence,

Before or after you say your lines, says Sweezus.

Terence has forgotten his lines, so he chooses before.

He dances around Sweezus two times and stops.

Could you see the potatoes? asks Terence.

Yes we could see them, says Belle. And your legs are unmistakable.

Why? asks Terence.

No one else has cement legs, says Belle.

What about when I put my yellow socks on? asks Terence.

We'll roll the tops down, says Belle. 

Happy? asks Sweezus. Now say your lines.

Haven't you got work to do? asks Terence.

If you've forgotten them, say so, says Sweezus. 

Give me a clue, says Terence.

I am a florin, says Sweezus.

Wait, says Terence, you're not the florin.

No, you are, says Sweezus. That's what you say. I am a florin and this is James the Anabaptist my generous master. Then you dance round me again, before saying the rest of it.

The rest of it? says Terence.

He gave me to Candide when he was .... hints Sweezus 

Down and out! says Terence, remembering. 

Well done Terence! says Belle.

Yes, well done Terence, for remembering the words down and out.

They must have appealed to him somehow.

In A Dark Voice With Pauses

There are fewer people in the Velosophy office.

Gaius, Denis and Ageless have left.

Arthur is half way through the door

Remember to practise your poem, says Vello.

Don't need to, says Arthur.

You do, says Vello. You need to impress Hedley's mother.

Arthur stops, turns and says in a dark voice, with pauses, It is... an ANCIENT mariner...

Very good, says Vello. She'll like that.

Doesn't sound much like a sailor, says David.

As long as he looks like a sailor, says Vello.

Arthur escapes through the door.

How come we're sucking up to Hedley's mother? asks Sweezus.

It's too late to replace Hedley, says Vello. And the audience loves him.

And they love me, says Terence. 

And you, says Vello. They'll love you as a florin.

Stand still, Terence, says Belle. I want you to try on the florin costume.

Terence stands still.

Belle slips the florin costume over his head.

Two cardboard circles, joined at the shoulders with string.

Can you see through the eyeholes? asks Belle.

No, says Terence.

Too high or too low? asks Belle.

Both, says Terence.

They can't be both, says Belle. 

They're too high, I'm too low, says Terence.

I'll make two more holes, lower down, says Belle.

Not in the potatoes! says Terence.

No, in the fleur de lys, says Belle. Take the costume off. I don't want to be poking your eyes out.

Terence wriggles out of the costume.

Belle makes two more eyeholes.

Terence steps into the costume again.

Can you see now? asks Belle.

Yes! says Terence. What do I look like?

I'll take a photo and show you, says Belle. 

She takes photos of Terence in his florin costume, front and back.

She shows them to Terence.

Terence is not entirely happy.

The audience might love him.

But how will they know that it's him?