Moment Of Delirium

Does it speak? asks the Spanish policeman.

I don't think so, says Sartre.

He does speak! says Bowl.

Perhaps he speaks only to toys, says the policeman.

Why not try him? suggests Simone.

The Spanish policeman does not wish to be seen interviewing an icon. 

So he turns his attention to Bowl.

You claim he speaks, says the policeman.

Yes! squeaks Bowl.

Don't be nervous, says Toyshop. 

I'm not nervous, says Bowl. 

You sound nervous, says Toyshop. 

Dont worry, says Terence. It's just Victor.

It isn't, says the policeman. Please allow me to do my job without interference.

Is it all right if I go and order more tapas? asks Simone.

Certainly, senora,  says the policeman.

Can I order you anything? asks Simone.

Perhaps a water, says the policeman.

He turns back to Bowl.

Would you mind asking Saint Elias if he gave up his sword willingly?

No, says Bowl.

No? says the policeman.

I wouldn't mind, says Bowl.

Ask him, says Terence.

Bowl is not too far away from where Saint Elias is lying.

Excuse me, says Bowl.

Yes? says Saint Elias. 

The policemen wants to know if you gave your sword willingly to Terence.

I could say no, says Saint Elias.

He could say no, says Bowl.

Is that his answer? asks the policeman.

No it isn't, says Terence.

No interference from you! says the policeman.

But, says Saint Elias.

But, says Bowl.

But I did loosen my grip on it, says Saint Elias.

Deliberately or inadvertently? Think before you answer, says the policeman.

In a moment of delirium, says Saint Elias.

This opens a new can of worms, says the policeman.

False People

 How did you come by that finger? asks the Spanish policeman.

Glue, says Terence.

That is not what I meant, says the policeman. Where did it come from?

Saint Liar, says Terence. It was his sword.

He means Saint Elias, says Sweezus.

This one, says Sartre, indicating Saint Elias who lies on the table, near the last garlic prawn.

Would you like the last prawn? asks Terence.

Gracias, but no, I'm on duty , says the policeman.

Nice of Terence to offer, says Simone.

It was, agrees the policeman. Unless he was trying to divert my attention.

Was I? asks Terence.

I didn't say you were, says the policeman. But it's something policemen have to consider.

Can I try and make a hole in the drink bottle with my sword finger? asks Terence.

NO! cry the Fuzzballs.

No, says Victor. I have finished that line of enquiry. I'm more interested in this sword finger.

It's a good finger, says Terence. Before, I had a claw, but it died.

Gangrene? asks the policeman.

No, brown, says Terence. It was my blood brother's. HE died.

I see, says the policeman. 

Should he be making notes? It's a complex story.

So Sarty went to get me a new finger, says Terence. And he got me Saint Liar.

I BOUGHT him, says Sartre. 

I know, says the policeman. You are no longer under suspicion.

But it was too small, says Terence. So I got the sword instead.

Where was the sword exactly ? asks the policeman.

Saint Liar was holding it, says Terence. He used it for killing false people.

False prophets, says Sweezus. Not false people.

As if there might be false people, laughs Simone. 

Aliens, says Arthur. They might be false people. Who wants that last prawn?

I think you'll agree no crime has been committed, says Sartre. And no misdemeanour.

Unless it's a crime to deface a holy icon, says Federico.

To be honest, I'm not sure of the legal niceties, says the policeman.

He wanted me to have it, says Terence. Ask him.

Saint Elias is pleased that Terence has included him in this matter.

After all, it was once his sword.

And, although at the time he released it willingly....

... now he is feeling unbalanced.

So what will he say?.

Toy Water

The Spanish policeman goes back inside.

It can't hurt to do what's expected.

Hello Victor, says Terence, who has noticed him first.

I am not Victor, says the Spanish policeman.

That's what you say, says Terence.

I do say, says the policeman. 

I thought you came back to tell us you were Victor, says Terence.

Why would I do that? asks the policeman.

So you wouldn't be lying, says Terence.

Enough of this, says the policeman. I've come back because further information has come to light. Where is the saint box?

Here, says Sweezus. 

Open it, says the policeman. And then open the handbag.

Okay, says Sweezus. 

He opens the box and takes out the tiny handbag.

He opens the handbag.

The policeman looks in.

He lifts out the tiny drink bottle, and hands it to Sweezus.

Take the top off, says the policeman.

Sweezus tries to take the top off.

But it is a tiny toy drink bottle and the top won't screw off.

It's only a toy one, says Sweezus.

Give it to me, says the policeman. 

He tries to twist the top, but it soon becomes obvious that the top is just part of  the bottle.

And will never screw off.

Can you explain why a toy handbag is inside a saint box? asks the policeman.

I can, says Terence.

Go on, says the policeman.

Because the Fuzzballs were in it, says Terence. And it's their handbag.

Fuzzballs? asks the policeman.

Terence points at the Fuzzballs who are half hidden behind a large plate of broccoli and cheese tapas which no one has eaten.

The policeman reaches over to pick up the two Fuzzballs.

Which one of these bears owns the handbag? asks the policeman.

He is surprised when they answer.

Me, says Toyshop.

Yes, him, says Bowl.

Why do you own a drink bottle that can never have anything in it? asks the policeman.

It does have something in it, says Toyshop. But the something can never come out.

It's probably toy water, says Terence.

Toy water could come out, says the policeman.

How? asks Terence.

Make a hole in it with something sharp, says the policeman.

Like my sword finger, says Terence. 

That's not sharp, says Sweezus. 

But too late!

The policeman turns his attention to Terence's finger.

What Would She Put In It?

The Spanish policeman has gone back outside.

A few people are still filming the bicycle.

Move along there, says the policeman.

Did you find the stolen box? asks someone.

Was it you who reported it stolen? asks the policeman. 

No, but I was here when it happened, says the person.

It wasn't stolen, says the policeman. They had a receipt.

What about the Messenger? asks another person.

No one is expected to keep a receipt for a parrot, says the policeman.

Maybe what was INSIDE the box was stolen, suggests another person.

Yes, did you look inside? asks the person who asked about the parrot.

Of course, says the policeman. The icon was no longer inside, just a tiny handbag.

I thought it was a saint box! says someone. Which saint has a tiny handbag?

The questioners all look at one another. Then at the policeman.

The policeman realises this could be an anomaly.

Was it a female saint? asks someone. Maybe Saint Teresa of Calcutta?

SHE wouldn't have a handbag! scoffs someone.

Why not? asks another.

What would she put in it? asks the scoffer.

Money, says the person who believes Saint Teresa might have had a handbag.

Yes, money she raised for the poor, says someone else.

Even if the real Saint Teresa had a handbag full of money, her statue wouldn't have had one, insists the scoffer.

Calm down, everyone, says the policeman. The saint I glimpsed momentarily was male.

Ahh! says almost everyone. 

They know a male saint would not carry a handbag.

Unless he had found it, and was looking for the owner.

It had a pointing finger, says the policeman.

This cuts out some male saints, but not all.

You should go back inside and see if they have a receipt for the handbag, says the scoffer.

Did you look inside it? asks another.

I did, says the policeman. The contents were not valuable.

What were they? asks someone.

A note book, a pencil and a drink bottle, all  of them tiny, says the policeman.

What was in the drink bottle? asks the same person.

I did not pursue that line of investigation, says the policeman. 

So will you now? asks the scoffer.

The policeman knows that he should. 

But these people are being extremely annoying.

He is in two minds, regarding further pursuance.

Thinking Wrong

Federico has returned with Prong, and the box.

Prong hops down from his shoulder, to land beside Terence.

Did the thieves come? asks Terence.

Not thieves, says Prong. But lots of people taking photos.

Of you? asks Terence.

Yes, of me, says Prong. It was embarrassing.

They thought she was a Messenger, says Federico. 

On a bike, says Terence.

I don't think they thought it was my bike, says Prong.

Did anyone open the box? asks Bowl.

No, says Prong. I was guarding it, so they couldn't.

See if the handbag's still in it, says Federico.

Simone takes the lid off the box.

Yes the handbag is in it.

Cool, says Sweezus. Who's for more tapas?

Me, says Arthur. Get more of those garlic prawn ones.

Sweezus goes up to the counter to order....

When in comes a policeman.

He stops right beside Sweezus, and asks loudly (in Spanish):

Has vista un loro?

Si, says the barman. El loro esta ahi.

He points to Sweezus's table, in the corner.

Sweezus sees where the barman is pointing.

Guys, what's a loro? asks Sweezus.

A parrot, say the policeman and the barman together.

Sorry about that, says Sweezus. We had to bring it inside because a crowd was gathering.

There has been a report that someone has stolen a box from under the parrot, says the policeman.

It's our box, says Sweezus.

I must inspect it, says the policeman. 

No worries, says Sweezus. I'm just ordering more tapas.

You do that, says the policeman. I'll investigate the box.

The policeman walks across to the the corner table.

Policia, says the policeman, showing his badge.

You look like Victor, says Terence.

Who is Victor? asks the policeman.

An Australian policeman, says Arthur. He looks like you.

We police tend to look similar, says the policeman. Not the female policia of course, although they too look similar, to each other, except for their hairstyles.

Your English is good, says Federico. 

Thank you, says the policeman. Now I need to see this box that you have.

Here, says Sartre. It's my box.

And is anything in it? asks the policeman. 

See for youself, says Sartre. Only a tiny handbag,

Please show me the contents of the handbag, says the policeman.

Sartre takes out the handbag, opens it and shows the policeman the tiny notebook, tiny drink bottle and tiny pencil.

The policeman examines the outside of the box.

This is a box for a saint, says the policeman.

And here is the saint that was in it, says Sartre, picking up and waving Saint Elias.

Do you have receipts for these items? asks the policeman.

YES! snaps Sartre.

Twenty seven euros. See!

Gracias, senor, says the policeman. Eso es todo.

He turns to go. and bumps into Sweezus who is carrying a large plate of garlic prawn tapas.

Victor! says Sweezus. I thought I knew you!

You thought wrong, says the policeman. 

The Determined Thief

Sartre tries the duck tapas.

Then the salmon.

Then the Iberian ham.

Do try the broccoli flan, dear, says Simone. 

No room, says Sartre.

Where's Prong? asks Terence.

Outside minding the box, says Sartre.

How will she mind it? asks Federico.

I think she's sitting on it, says Sartre.

She won't stop a determined thief, says Federico.

Why would a determined thief want an empty box? asks Sartre.

How would they know it was empty? asks Arthur.

It isn't empty, says Terence.

How do you know? asks Simone.

Because Toyshop hasn't got his handbag, says Terence.

Toyshop looks alarmed.

A determined thief is stealing his handbag!

I'll go and check, says Federico. And I'll bring the box in.

He goes out of the tapas bar, and looks for a parrot, box and bicycle.

An easy-to-spot combination.

Hola! A small crowd has gathered around Prong.

They are all taking photos.

Prong' russet pink forethroat looks pinker than usual.

What is happening? asks Federico.

It's the Messenger! says someone. It flew down from a window in the Sagrada Familia, and now it's out here.

You are mistaken, says Federico. It's my friend's parrot.

We have photos! says someone.

Federico looks at one of the photos.

The colours are different, says Federico. Yours is blue green.

That's because of the light streaming in though the windows, says the one with the photo.

What about mine? asks another.

Let's see it, says Federico.

He looks at their photo. 

Too orange, says Federico.

Prong looks grateful.

My friend wants their parrot, says Federico. I've come out to get it.

How do we know you're not stealing it? asks someone.

She will come willingly, says Federico, which will prove that she knows me.

Prong hops onto Federico's shoulder, and kisses his ear.

Federico gets that fluttery feeling you get when kissed by a bird.

Bring the box, whispers Prong.

Federico picks up the box, and returns to the tapas bar with Prong on his shoulder.

See that box? says someone. That's the sort they keep saints in.

It is somewhat suspicious. 

Someone suggests calling the police.

Good In General

It's not far to the café.

Prong leads the way.

Sartre cycles, with the box under his arm. 

Saint Elias, Toyshop and Bowl, in his trouser pocket, bounce up and down.

Saint Elias feels he is getting a headache. and is glad when they stop.

Satre locks his bike up outside, and enters the café.

It's a tapas bar and the counter is piled high with tapas.

He looks for the others.

Mon petit! shouts Simone. Here we are!

He goes over to a cramped corner table.

Arthur and Federico are drinking black coffees.

 Sweezus is eating gambas al ajillo with his fingers.

Try a shrimp, says Sweezus. 

Or one of these broccoli flans, with manchego cheese, says Simone.

Wait a moment, says Sartre. I need to empty my pocket before I sit down.

He extracts Bowl and Toyshop, and places them next to Terence.

Finally Saint Elias.

You had him in your pocket upside down! says Simone.

I didn't think it would matter, says Sartre.  

It seems disrepectful, says Simone. 

I brought his box, says Sartre, but I left it outside.

Why? asks Simone.

I didn't want to look like a delivery person, says Sartre.

With a saint box! laughs Simone.

Three garlic shrimps left, says Sweezus. D'you want one? 

Sartre takes one, and eats it. Delicious.

What else would you like? asks Simone.

What else is good? asks Sartre.

Ask Arthur and Federico, says Simone. By now they've tried everything.

Sartre looks at Arthur.

What? asks Arthur.

What's good? asks Sartre.

To eat or in general? asks Arthur.

To eat, says Sartre. 

The duck one and the salmon one, and the chorizo, says Arthur.

And the jamón ibérico ones, says Federico. 

And this broccoli cheese flan, says Simone.

I'll try one of everything, says Sartre.

Simone goes up to the counter to order.

Finished the blog post? asks Sweezus.

No, says Sartre. I was held up by a question on bear diseases.

Yeah? says Sweezus. How come?

The bears asked me, says Sartre.

Are they sick? asks Terence.

Ask them, says Sartre.

Are you guys sick? asks Terence.

No, says Bowl. We wanted to be patron saints of bears, but now we think bears don't deserve it.

Why don't they? aks Terence.

Because they eat infected rodents, says Toyshop.

Shit, says Sweezus. How come there are any bears left then?

They don't all eat infected rodents, says Federico. Some of them eat honey.

That's what I thought, says Sartre.

Maybe you're both thinking of Winnie the Pooh, says Arthur.

Maybe they are.

Simone comes back with a plate.