Soon Be The Sun

Sweezus sits up from his rolling position.

Good potato, says Sweezus.

Too bad we have to paint over it, says Ageless.

Because we need two potatoes, says Terence.

The same size, says Ageless.

We had a small one and a big one, says Terence.

And I painted over the small one, says Ageless.

And we had to wait till it dried, says Terence.

So now what? asks Sweezus.

Now I draw two potatoes, says Terence.

On top of that one? asks Sweezus.

I'll blur the edges, says Ageless. No one will know it started off as a larger potato.

But it will still be two potatoes inside a thing with blurred edges, says Sweezus.

They have to be inside something, says Ageless.

The sun! says Terence.

Yeah, says Sweezus. The sun's kind of blurry.

Are we agreed then? asks Ageless. 

Yes! says Terence. Shall I start drawing?

The sooner the better, says Ageless. 

Terence draws two potatoes inside the large one that will soon be the sun.

Arthur comes over to see how the potato is going.

Three potatoes? says Arthur.

One's a sun, says Sweezus. Ageless is blurring the edges.

Pity no one's going to see them, says Arthur.

Why? asks Terence.

Because they're on the back of the florin, says Arthur.

Terence had not thought of that.

You can turn around once or twice, says Sweezus. 

But there'd have to be a reason, says  Arthur. 

Dancing! says Terence.

If Vello will let you, says Arthur. 

Why wouldn't he? asks Sweezus.

He won't let me use my own poem, says Arthur.

Has he written a new one? asks Sweezus.

No, says Arthur. He's picked an old one, that goes: It is an ancient mariner, and he stoppeth one of three...

Classy! says Ageless. 

Who asked you? says Arthur.

Sweezus remembers it from English at school. 

All of it? asks Sweezus.

No just up to 'wherefore stopp'st thou me', says Arthur.

Lucky! says Sweezus.

Which makes Arthur feel a bit better.

Ageless returns to his painting.

Two potatoes, bright yellow, enclosed by a large blurry sun.

A Subsequent Pickle

Right, says Vello. I think we've rehearsed enough scenes for today.

Can we run through the shipwreck again? asks Sweezus.

If you do it without using my desk, says Vello. 

But I have to fall into the sea, says Sweezus.

So do I, says Arthur.

Improvise, says Vello. And quietly. I need to come up with a poem.

For the sailor? asks Denis.

Yes, for the sailor, says Vello.

He drags his chair back to his desk, sets up his laptop, and stares at the screen.

What's a good poem for a sailor?

Should it be seductive? No. The sailor has already paid the girl for her favours.

The important thing is that Hedley should like it. And also his mother.

Having trouble? asks David.

Yes, David, says Vello. Are you busy?

Not at the moment, says David. 

This poem I'm writing, says Vello. It needs to suit too many people.

Including Hedley's mother, says David. 

They both stare at Vello's blank screen.

I've got it! says David. She won't object to Coleridge.

The Rime!  says Vello. 

The Rime, says David. Now, how does it go?

Neither of them remember, except for the albatross.

David calls it up on his phone:

It is an ancient mariner, And he stoppeth one of three, By thy long grey beard and glittering eye, Now wherefore stopp'st thou me?

Perfect.

That's one problem solved.

Meanwhile Sweezus, Gaius, Denis and Arthur are standing on the prop box, tightly packed.

Who falls in first? asks Sweezus.

Me, says Arthur.

He falls backwards from the box to the floor.

Crack! Lucky he lives a charmed life.

You're supposed to be dangling, says Sweezus.

I can't dangle from the prop box, says Arthur.

Sweezus pulls him back onto the prop box and falls in himself.

That's me, drowned, says Sweezus, rolling away. 

Now the ship splits in two, says Gaius. 

Arthur, Denis and Gaius try various means of making that seem to happen.

Sweezus rolls into the corner where Terence and Ageless are working on the potato.

The paint has now dried.

Creating a subsequent pickle.

Progress Of Sorts

Cool poem, says Sweezus. Is that your Willy Hill one?

Yes, says Arthur.

There's no place in Candide for a Willy Hill poem, says Vello.

And Hedley's mother wouldn't like it, says Belle.

That's beside the point, says Vello. 

Did I mention Willy Hill in the poem? asks Arthur. I didn't.

Yeah it could be about anywhere, or anything, says Sweezus

True, says Gaius. But we know it's about cycling in horrendous conditions.

The knees give it away, says Denis.

If you tweak it to be about the Lisbon earthquake I might reconsider, says Vello. 

Forget it, says Arthur.

Your choice, says Vello. Very well, I'll write the poem.

Go ahead, says Arthur. 

Let's get on with the rehearsal, says Denis. I've got other things to do.

Me too, says Terence.

He goes back to the circle of cardboard to work on his potato.

Ageless is already there, painting it yellow.

You painted over the first potato, says Terence.

You only need one potato, says Ageless.

I need two potatoes, says Terence. One for each saint.

Then they should be the same size, says Ageless.

Okay, says Terence. Let's start again.

You'll have to wait till the paint dries, says Ageless.

Can't you just wipe it off? asks Terence.

If I did that, it would reveal the original smaller potato, says Ageless.

So what? says Terence. 

There would be three potatoes, says Ageless. One more than we want.

Okay, let's wait, says Terence. 

We'll watch the rehearsal, says Ageless. 

Denis has put on his red finger-knitted hat, which isn't quite finished. A long red thread is still attached to his finger.

He is rehearsing the part where he has been wounded by flying splinters, immediately after the earthquake.

He drops to the floor, and cries: Fetch me wine and oil! I am dying!

Gaius, as Dr Pangloss, is about to explain that earthquakes are nothing new and all for the best when it strikes him that if it had been a volcano Arthur's poem would have been appropriate. A red wave descends from the summit......wasn't that it? He might suggest it to Vello.

Meawhile Denis's hat has begun to unravel.

Denis sits up to re-finger-knit it.

The paint dries on the potato.

Going Too Far

That doesn't look like a potato, says Hedley.

Irrelevant, says Ageless. Give me a snog.

What's a snog? asks Hedley.

Sloppy kisses, says Ageless. That's what I'm paying for.

Yuck, says Hedley.

Come here, Hedley, says his mother.

Hedley goes back to his mother.

Don't worry about that nasty lobster, says Hedley's mother. He's not going to be in it.

He certainly isn't, says Vello. At least not as a sailor.

Good, says Hedley's mother. We'll be off now. When will Hedley be getting his costume?

Should be ready by tomorrow's rehearsal, says Belle. 

What's it like? asks Hedley.

Belle shows him a sketch of the costume.

I'm giving you a kilt, says Belle. With a safety pin at the front. And that school tie would look good with it. Your school needn't know.

Is he supposed to be a minor? asks Hedley's mother. 

She is looking at Vello.

He is supposed to be a girl of easy virtue, says Vello. Her age is not mentioned.

But you wrote it, says Hedley's mother. You must know.

All right, says Vello. She's twenty one. Happy?

Hedley's mother walks out with Hedley.

Twenty one. At least Hedley looks happy.

How old am I? asks Terence.

I knew it! says Vello. 

What? asks Terence.

That you'd ask, says Vello. The henchman is thirty two and a half, and the florin is from the twelfth century.

Great. Both are older than Hedley.

Arthur comes into the office.

You're late, says Vello. Where were you?

Sorry, slept in, says Arthur.

Ageless took your place in the scene with Hedley, says Vello.

How did that go? asks Arthur.

Ageless went too far, says Vello. I need to be sure you won't do the same.

Okay, says Arthur. Let's run through it. Who'll  play Hedley?

Me, says Terence.

Not you, says Vello. How about you, Belle?

Love to, says Belle.

Hello lovely, says Arthur. 

Hello sailor, says Belle.

Do you like poetry? asks Arthur.

Yes, no, maybe, says Belle.

You'll like this, says Arthur:

 Hot knees pounding, heat grinding sinews to sludge, black blood shrieks behind sightless eyes, a red wave descends from the summit as I rise.

Now YOU've gone too far, says Belle.

Hello Lovely

What is Ageless doing here? asks Vello. And why is he wearing Candide's hat?

It's his own hat, says Gaius. Denis is making another one for himself.

Nearly ready, says Denis, producing a string of red finger-knitting.

But what is he doing here? asks Vello.

Ageless decides it's time to speak for himself.

There are certain persons who would pay money to see me as Candide, says Ageless.

O-ho! says Vello. who are these certain persons?

Henriette is one, says Ageless. 

She only thinks he would make a good understudy, says Denis. And he knows all the lines.

Very well, says Vello. Ageless shall be Denis's understudy.

Thank you, says Ageless. Shall I run through my part?

No, just observe Denis, says Vello. On second thoughts, make yourself useful.

I've just finished moulting, says Ageless. 

You can help Terence paint his potato, says Belle.

Yes, says Terence. On the back of my costume.

A potato? says Hedley. I thought you were a florin.

Florins had potatoes on the back, says Terence.

News to me, says Hedley's mother.

It's okay, says Belle. The potato represents a couple of minor saints, in place of John the Baptist, for obvious reasons.

Hedley's mother can't see the obvious reasons, but doesn't pursue it, since the florin is not Hedley's part.

Belle gives Terence a permanent marker, and Ageless a paintbrush.

Go for it, boys, says Belle.

Terence starts to draw a potato,

Too small! says Ageless.

Terence draws another potato around the too small potato.

Already the potato is not looking like a potato.

Right! says Vello. We'll do the scene with Hedley and the sailor. Where's Arthur?

Not here yet, says Sweezus. 

Hedley has to go soon, says Hedley's mother. School starts at nine.

Anyone know Arthur's lines? asks Vello.

Me! says Terence. Hello lovely! Do you like POEMS?

I'm not doing it with Terence, says Hedley.

I'll do it, says Ageless. Hello lovely, do you like poems?

Yes, no, maybe, says Hedley.

Or perhaps you prefer potatoes, says Ageless. Come with me and I'll show you a special one.

Hedley looks at his mother.

Just go with it, Hedley. We're late, says his mother.

Okay, says Hedley.

He follows Ageless towards the special potato.

Anty Master

Early next morning, in the office.

A second rehearsal.

Belle is painting a fleur de lys on a circle of cardboard.

Is that for the florin costume? asks David.

Yes, says Belle. This is the front. I'm leaving the back blank, so that Terence can draw the potato.

Terence is watching Sweezus who is typing.

Nearly done, says Sweezus.

Are they your lines? asks Terence.

No little buddy, says Sweezus. They're your lines.

Florins dont TALK, says Terence.

It's a play, so the florin can talk, says Sweezus.

Do YOU talk? asks Terence.

No, says Sweezus. How bad would it look if James the Anabaptist started boasting?

About what? asks Terence.

How generous and kind he is, says Sweezus. That's why the florin should say it.

Will I get more lines than Hedley? asks Terence.

That depends, says Sweezus.

Okay, says Terence. What do I say?

Right, says Sweezus. I'm standing here and you're standing next to me. You say Greetings audience, I am a florin and this is James the Anabaptist my generous master.

That's a long line, says Terence.

You could leave out Greetings audience, says Sweezus.

It's still long, says Terence.

Try it, says Sweezus. I am a florin and this is James the generous Anty Master, says Terence.

Close, says Sweezus. Next you say: He gave me to Candide when he was down and out and no one else would help him.

So why am I with you? asks Terence.

Because this is a prequel, says Sweezus. It hasn't happened yet.

So how do I know about it? asks Terence.

Can you just say it? asks Sweezus. If it's too long I'll cut it.

What was it? asks Terence.

He gave me to Candide, when he was down and out and no one else would help him, says Sweezus.

Hedley comes in with his mother

You're late, says Vello.

Sorry, says Hedley's mother. Hedley couldn't find his school tie.

Did he find it? asks Belle. It might make a quirky addition to his costume.

I don't think Hedley's school would like that, says Hedley's mother.

Guess what? asks Terence. I've got two long lines.

How come? asks Hedley.

Because James the Anty can't boast, so I have to boast for him, says Terence.

Hedley looks at the lines on Sweezus's screen.

He gave me to Candide when he was down and out and no one else would help him, reads Hedley.

Good one, Hedley, says Sweezus. You sound just like a florin.

Terence, the real florin, is mad.

There's Always Me

Back at Gaius's house, Henriette is talking to Ageless. who is no longer moulting.

They should be here soon, says Henriette. Denis sent me a text.

Is he bringing my hat? asks Ageless. 

Looks like it, says Henriette. He sent me a photo.

She shows Ageless the photo.

In it, Denis wears Ageless's hat.

He's playing Candide, says Henriette. Belle thinks it makes him look younger.

Younger! scoffs Ageless.

But it does, says Henriette. Don't you think so?

By hiding his bald patch, says Ageless. Anyone would look younger. Even me.

I'd pay money to see that, says Henriette.

What? asks Ageless.

You as Candide, says Henriette.

The front door opens. 

Terence runs in, followed by Gaius and Denis.

Guess what! cries Terence. I've got two parts.

Snap, says Ageless.

What does that mean? asks Terence.

He means he's stopped moulting, says Henriette. His other parts are in the bucket.

Excellent, says Gaius. You're looking good, Ageless. Isn't he, Denis?

Positively gleaming, says Denis.

I'm still a bit tender, says Ageless. I'd appreciate the return of my hat.

Certainly, says Denis, but I've been cast as Candide, and the hat's to be part of my costume.

My hat! says Ageless.

Which I made, says Denis.

Make another one, says Ageless.

I suppose I could, says Denis.

Of course you could, says Henriette. And then there'd be two hats, and Ageless could act as your understudy in case anything happens.

What might happen? asks Terence.

Denis might have an accident, says Henriette.

And I could take over, says Ageless. I know all the lines. The Day of Judgement has come! Nothing is more likely! Oil and wine, for pity's sake! and so on...

Impressive, says Gaius. But you do have problem, being a lobster.

I have no problem being a lobster, says Ageless.

Like me, says Terence, I have no problem being a florin.

Are you a florin? asks Henriette. Is that one of your parts? How amazing!

I'm having a flower on the front and a potato on the back, says Terence. And yellow socks and gold hair in case my curls are showing.

And your other part? asks Henriette.

Hingeman, says Terence.

Henchman, says Gaius. His job is to stop pouring wine, at a certain signal, and seize me.

With a grabber, says Terence.

A mechanical grabber, says Gaius. Belle thinks there's one in the prop box.

And if there isn't, there's always me..., says Ageless, waving his dominant claw.