Eat It Or Worse

 All right, she gets twins, says Arthur. 

Twins are good, says Terence. They can play with each other.

The Virgin will notice, says Prong.

She'll just think she forgot, says Terence.

Forgot she had twins? says Federico.

Yes, says Terence. But we should take them out of their packets.

I'll do it, says Federico.

He opens the packets, and extracts the tiny Sylvanian bears. 

And their handbags.

What's in them? asks Terence.

Baby things, says Arthur.

Now what? asks Federico.

We wait, says Arthur.

What for? asks Federico.

For Sweezus and Sartre, says Arthur. 

What's their part in this escapade? asks Federico.

They're bringing the rope and the net, says Terence.

What for? asks Federico.

You'll have to ask them, says Arthur. They should be here soon.

I bet I could do the rescue without the rope and the net, says Prong.

How? asks Terence.

Fly up with one baby, drop it into the bowl, and watch what happens, says Prong.

They might make friends, says Terence.

All right, fly up with two babies drop them into the bowl, watch what happens, says Prong.

They might start to fight, says Terence.

And the Virgin will think she's got triplets, says Federico.

Okay, says Prong. I won't wait, I'll pick up the one to be rescued and fly down with it.

What if it doesn't want to come? asks Federico.

That's where the net comes in useful, says Arthur.

This could all be avoided if you only replaced one baby with another, says Federico.

Then we'll have a spare baby, says Prong.

I know! says Terence. Fly up and ask Holy Spitball if he wants it.

He wanted one that was different, says Prong.

Ask him if he wants the baby or the normal one, says Terence.

Yes, there's an answer for everything.

I'll do it right now, says Prong.

She flies up to Holy Spitball, who is waiting in the cypress tree.

Where is my bear? asks Holy Spitball.

A quick question, says Prong. Would you prefer a tiny one with a bag of baby things or a normal bear that's a big bigger?

What's the Virgin getting? asks Holy Spitball.

A tiny one, says Prong.

Same as my one? asks Holy Spitball.

Mm, says Prong. But you could take its shirt off.

How would that look? asks Holy Spitball. Me taking its shirt off.

Suspicious, agrees Prong. Like you were planning to eat it.

Or worse, says Holy Spitball.

Prong can't think of anything worse.

But she supposes Holy Spitball's job is to think of such things. 

The Normal Alternative

Arthur and Federico go back to the bar.

Federico goes off for more drinks.

Arthur puts the normal bear on the table.

Federico comes back.

Why do you have that bear? asks Federico.

I forgot I was holding it, says Arthur.

Federico laughs. Why should he care?

So you will want to return it? asks Federico.

Maybe later, says Arthur. But it might come in useful.

How so? asks Feredeico.

The replacements are meant to be different, says Arthur.

Do we know why? asks Federico.

No, says Arthur.

Let us conjecture, says Federico. Perhaps they are replacements for two different bears.

I don't think so, says Arthur. 

Time to come clean, mi amigo, says Federico. What is the situation?

Finish your drink and let's go, says Arthur.

Si, rapida, says Federico. 

He gulps his drink down. So does Arthur,

Got the babies? asks Arthur.

Got them, says Federico.

Arthur picks up the normal bear. 

And leads Federico to the Sagrada Familia.

Bello! says Federico. Such tasteful illuminations!

Arthur agrees, they are tasteful.

He looks around for Terence and Prong.

Prong spies him first, and flies over. 

Have you brought them? asks Prong.

Yes, says Arthur,. Two baby bears. Show her, Fedo.

Federico produces the babies, in their packets, each  with their holder for baby things.

We specifically asked for them to be different, says Prong.

They're hard to obtain, says Federico. These were the only Sylvanian baby bears in the toyshop.

I suppose we could take their little shirts off, says Prong. 

They'd still look the same, says Arthur. That's why I brought this alternative.

He shows Prong the normal alternative.

Prong stares at the normal alternative.

Squawk! I'll get Terence!

She flies off and comes back with Terence.

Look at this pickle! says Prong.

Terence looks at the two baby bears and the normal alternative.

He sees no problem.

The Virgin gets twins.

Holy Spitball gets the normal alternative.

Not A Handbag As Such

Arthur and Federico enter the toyshop.

Bienvenidos, chicos! says the owner. 

Hola, senor, says Federico. 

Arthur has started looking for bears.

He picks up a normal one. Smallish.

Mi amigo is looking for the Sylvanian bears, says Federico.

Ciertamente, says the owner. 

He indicates a shelf of Sylvanian families, including the bears.

Federico and Arthur look at the bear family. 

Father, mother, brother, sister.

No bebé? asks Federico.

No bebé, says the owner. Separada.

He shows Federico a small packet containing a separate baby. 

It's not for me, says Federico. It's for him.

The owner shows it to Arthur.

Bebé, says the owner.

It might be too small, says Arthur. Does it come with a bonnet?

No bonnet, says the owner. Who is it for?

It's a replacement, says Federico.

Who has lost their bebé? asks the owner.

Arthur decides not to lie.

No one yet, says Arthur. But when they do, we'll need a replacement.

What a thoughtful young man, says the owner. Finding a replacement for a bear that is not even lost.

Thanks, says Arthur.

Is it for your little sister? asks the owner. Is she careless?

No, says Arthur. But someone might take it.

We would like to buy two of them, says Federico. Pity about the bonnet.

They do come with a handbag, says the owner.

What would a baby bear do with a handbag? asks Federico.

Arthur wonders the same.

I have never thought about it, says the owner. Perhaps it's not a handbag, as such.

What then? asks Federico.

For its baby things, says the owner.

Si, baby things, says Federico. Shall we have the two, Arthur?

Arthur looks undecided.

The owner would like to get rid of the babies, which do not sell well.

You can have two for the price of one, says the owner. 

Muchas gracias, says Federico. And how much is that?

Four euros, says the owner.

Federico pays the four euros with his credit card.

Muchas gracias, says Arthur, as he exits the shop with Federico, and the normal bear which he has forgotten he's holding.

Moon Wisdom

Hola, mi amigo! says Federico.

Hola, Fedo, says Arthur. 

Good to see you , says Federico. Can I buy you a drink?

Arthur doesn't say no. 

Federico orders two absinthes.

And what are you doing in Barcelona? asks Federico. 

This and that, says Arthur. You?

Poetry slam, says Federico. What do think of this one? Moon came to the forge in its petticoat of nard.

That's one of your old ones, says Arthur.

Who will know? asks Federico.

I know, says Arthur. 

Apart from you, says Federico. 

Moon, moon, says Arthur. What's with you about moons?

I like moons, says Federico. The moon is dead, dead. It will come back to life in the spring.

Moon wisdom, says Arthur. 

Federico orders more absinthe.

Arthur remembers he was going to ask Federico something about a toyshop.

What was it?

In the branches of of the laurel tree I saw two dark doves, says Federico. One was the moon and one was the sun.... You look bored.

Me, never, says Arthur.

Tell me about this and that, says Federico. 

All right, says Arthur. Any idea where I'd find an open toyshop?

At this hour? says Federico.

Mm, says Arthur. I need to obtain two Sylvanian bears.

Only two? asks Federico.

Replacements, says Arthur.

Tried eBay? asks Federico.

I need them tonight, says Arthur. 

Then we shall go looking, says Federico. One more drink first.

They have it, and then go out into the streets of Las Ramblas.

Are you replacing the mother and father, or the brother and sister? asks Federico.

Merde! says Arthur. 

Because he doesn't know.

He thinks back to Prong's earlier description. A hairy baby. Wearing a bonnet.

One must be a sister, says Arthur. It was wearing a bonnet.

The sister wouldn't wear a bonnet. says Federico. Perhaps it's the baby?

Is there a baby? asks Arthur.

Yes, a very small baby, says Federico. It's the only one I can think of that might wear a bonnet.

Arthur has a bad feeling that all the bear babies are exactly the same.

If so, should he get two babies, or a baby and a sister?

Or a brother. Since the bonnet will be on the baby.

Look! says Federico. A toy shop!

Is it open? 

Of course. This is Spain.

Don't Be Annoyed

It's going to be all right! says Prong.

Did he believe you? asks Terence.

Yes, says Prong. And he said we were kind.

We are kind, says Terence. But not to him. What else did he say?

He asked what the replacements would be, says Prong. 

What did you say? asks Terence.

I said Sylvanian bears probably, says Prong. And he said don't get two the same.

Why would he say that? asks Terence.

I guess he thinks it would look bad if he had one the same as the Virgin.

He could say it's a spare, says Terence.

I think he wants to keep it, says Prong. 

Okay, says Terence. Now we have to get two replacements.

Yes, says Prong. But we're not supposed to leave here.

What if you went to find Arthur? says Terence. 

And then what? asks Prong.

Tell him we need two replacements, says Terence. He can go into a toy shop and buy them.

But what if... begins Prong.

She is about to say what if she can't find Arthur, and what if, if she does, he is annoyed, and what if, if he isn't annoyed, and agrees to do it, he can't find a toy shop that's open...

Just do it, says Terence.

Okay, says Prong.

She flies off in the direction of Las Ramblas, telling herself it will all be all right.

Las Ramblas is full of cafés, nightclubs, bars. and a few seedy places.

The streets and pavements are teeming with people, coming and going or lurking in corners.

She scans the scene.

Luckily, Arthur is just coming out of one bar and has not yet entered another.

She spots him, and flies down.

What's up? asks Arthur.

Don't be annoyed, says Prong.

I'm not annoyed, says Arthur.

Terence sent me, with a message, says Prong. 

Which is? says Arthur.

Can you go to a toyshop and buy two Sylvanian bears not exactly the same, says Prong.

 Not much to ask, says Arthur.

Great, says Prong. Are you going right now?

Not right now, says Arthur. I'm meeting a friend in this nightclub. Maybe after.

Super, says Prong. 

Mission accomplished she flies back to the Sagrada Familia to let Terence know.

Arthur heads into the nightclub, to meet his friend Federico Garcia Lorca. 

He wonders if Federico would know of a toyshop that's open.

 

Holy Spitball

What did you find out? asks Terence.

Not much, says Prong. But we've now got a lookout.

What lookout? asks Terence.

There's this dove at the top of a tree, says Prong. And it's going to act as a lookout.

Did it look like a parrot? asks Terence.

Not much, says Prong.

Not all parrots look the same, says Terence. 

Have you heard of the Holy Spirit? asks Prong. 

THAT ONE! says Terence. 

Do you know it? asks Prong.

The biggest dibber-dobber on the palace, says Terence. 

It told me a secret, says Prong.

Tell me, says Terence.

The Virgin's got a baby Sylvanian bear in her bowl, says Prong.

We already know that, says Terence. Anything useful?

She's fond of it, says Prong.

Is she? asks Terence.

So we should bring a replacement, says Prong. 

Did Holy Spitball tell you that? asks Terence.

Mm-hm, admits Prong.

So he knows about the rescue, says Terence.

I guess so, says Prong.

You ruined it, says Terence. Now he's going to be watching, and warn her.

Sorry, says Prong.

A tear rolls from her eye to the tip of her beak, sparkling with illuminations.

It doesn't matter, says Terence. We can fix this.

Yes, says Prong. How?

Give him some false information, says Terence.

Okay, says Prong. What information?

Terence thinks.

Fly back up and tell him we're going to look for a replacement, says Terence.

How will that help? asks Prong.

Say two replacements, says Terence. And he can have one if he shuts up.

Is that false information? asks Prong.

Yes, says Terence. Because we're only going to get one replacement.

Okay, says Prong.

She flies back up to the top of the cypress.

What did Supersmarty have to say? asks Holy Spitball.

Thanks for the advice about the replacement, says Prong. And we're getting two replacements and one's for you, as a thankyou for keeping our secret.

I say, that's kind, says Holy Spitball.

Okay good, says Prong. See you shortly.

Wait! says Holy Spitball. What are these replacements?

Um... more Sylvanian bears, probably, says Prong.

Don't get two exactly the same, says Holy Spitball.

Good thinking! says Prong.

I'm known for my good thinking, says Holy Spitball. 

Prong flies down to tell Terence the good news that everything will now be ALRIGHT!

A Venerable Lookout

Prong flaps slowly.

As she rises, she makes observations.

A turtle, a tortoise, a pelican, a cypress, with a dove at the top.

She lands on a cement branch.

Are you new? asks the dove from the top branch of the cypress.

Yes, new, answers Prong.

I've always been here, says the dove.

Oh really? says Prong. What about before they built this palace?

It isn't a palace, says the dove.

Supersmarty calls it a palace, says Prong.

Who the dickens is Supersmarty? asks the dove.

Someone you'd know if you'd been here forever, says Prong. 

No one on this building was ever called Supersmarty, says the dove.

It's his code name, says Prong.

Let me think, then, says the dove. Is it the turtle? He believes that he's wise.

No, says Prong. Please stop guessing.

Okay, says the dove. Tell me what you're here for.

I'm here on a mission, says Prong. 

Not to represent something? says the dove.

No. Do you represent something? asks Prong.

The Holy Spirit, says the dove.

You must be proud, says Prong.

I can't say I'm not, says the dove. What's your mission?

Can you keep a secret? asks Prong.

Try me, says the dove.

That's not a comforting answer, says Prong.

Okay, yes, says the dove. I can keep a secret. I'll tell you one if you like.

That means you can't keep a secret, says Prong.

I've never told anyone this, says the dove. You'd be the first. Then you tell me yours and we're done.

Deal, says Prong. What's yours?

See that baby down there in the bowl the Virgin is looking into? asks the dove.

Yes, says Prong. 

It's a Sylvanian bear, says the dove.  

We know, says Prong. 

Who's we? asks the dove.

Me and Supersmarty, says Prong. And my secret is that were planning a rescue.

I hope you've brought a replacement, says the dove.

No we haven't, says Prong.

My advice is to get one, says the dove. The Virgin's fond of that bear.

That's good advice, thank you, says Prong.

I'll act as your lookout, says the dove.

Thank you, says Prong.

Having the Holy Spirit as your lookout is an honour, says the dove.

Yes, thank you, thank you, says Prong.

She flies down to tell Terence they now have an ally, or... 

... she may have just ruined the mission.