I must phone Gaius, says Katherine. To find out if he's been released.
She calls Gaius.
No answer.
I think we should go to the police station, says Margaret.
She and Katherine head back into town.
What do you reckon? says Sweezus.
Pass, says Arthur. I don't want to go to Tasmania.
Huh? says Sweezus. Why Tassie?
Katherine thinks I'm going, says Arthur. There can only be one explanation.
She's going? says Sweezus.
Gaius is going, says Arthur. Therefore I need to lie low.
That's right, says Charles Red-belly. Lie low. Like we do.
Olive sniggers. That's funny. Lie low.
Charles Red-belly insinuates himself through the handles of the shopping bag that the ladies have left on the pavement.
See this? says Charles.
Margaret forgot her shopping, says Sweezus.
It's not shopping, says Charles.
It's our snake box, says Olive. And it's full of our money.
Yeah? How come you've got money? says Sweezus.
Arthur opens the box. Counts the money. There are hundreds of dollars inside.
...........
Katherine and Margaret have arrived at the police station, hoping Sergeant Victor will still be on duty.
There he is at his desk.
Victor, says Katherine. We are looking for Gaius and Moon.
Ah, ladies, says Victor, lugubriously. They have been let off with a caution. Four cautions, in point of fact.
However the news is not all good news.
No! says Katherine. I don't need more bad news.
She doesn't, says Margaret. Her poor little dog has just died.
Victor is good at the job of being a policeman. He remembers things people have said previously.
This dog, says Victor. Was it locked inside a vehicle?
Yes it w........begins Margaret. Ow!
Katherine has kicked her discreetly.
No it wasn't, says Katherine smoothly. That was a box full of money. Not a dog. There was a misunderstanding.
Margaret looks at Katherine with grudging admiration.
How quickly she has recovered from her bereavement.
What is the bad news? says Katherine.
Sure you can take it? says Victor. Gaius and Moon are in hospital being treated for snake bite.
Gaius! gasps Margaret. I thought he had plenty of antidote. That jar of saliva......
She is halted mid-sentence by Katherine, who has spied the said jar of saliva, sitting unopened, high up on a shelf behind Victor.
Which hospital? asks Katherine sharply. We must go there at once. Victor, please hand me that jar.
Friday, February 28, 2014
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Snake Tales Of The City
Olive Python and Charles Red-belly have been keeping an eye on the ute, which is still parked on Gilles Street.
They believe that the money, which is half theirs, is somewhere inside.
They watch from a disused doorway, behind a red bin.
Margaret returns to the ute, looking worried. She carries a plastic shopping bag with something heavy inside.
That'll be Porky, whispers Olive. Dead as a donut.
Looks like it, says Charles Red-belly. Except, not a donut. See how the bag swings.
Mmm, says Olive. Maybe it's not him at all.
Margaret tries the door of the ute. It won't open. She rattles the window and then looks about for a stone.
Katherine appears from a side street, with Arthur and Sweezus in tow.
Margaret gestures wildly.
Katherine, who still has Ray's car key, opens the door.
She picks up an almost identical bag from the seat of the ute, looks inside, turns pale, and sits down on the pavement.
Woooeee! says Olive. Porky! So.....
.......where's our money? says Charles.
In the other one, whispers Olive. If she puts it down.....
....we can dart out and make off with it, says Charles.
But....says Olive, Arthur will see us.
Arthur? says Charles. That's Arthur?
Yes, that's him, says Olive.
Introduce me! says Charles. You know I've been dying to meet him.
So the snakes slither up to the back of the ute where Arthur is helpfully emptying the shopping bag into the tray.
Man! says Sweezus. Awesome. A red belly !
Arthur turns from his unpleasant task to see Olive Python, and beside her, a red bellied black snake, who is looking at him in a way that reminds him of an old friend and mortal enemy.
This is Charles, says Olive. Like me, he is an afficionado of Charles Baudelaire. He wants to meet you.
Charles Red-belly affects a lean and hungry look.
Hello, says Arthur. Excuse me a minute.
He reaches into the back of the ute and retrieves the limp body of Porky.
Arthur, says Sweezus. Don't do it, mate. Katherine won't like it.
Margaret taps Katherine on the shoulder. Katherine looks up.
Is Arthur really going to feed Porky to Charles Red-belly? As a gesture of Baudelarian blood-brotherhood?
We shall never know.
Arthur, don't even think of it, says Katherine.
Of course not, says Arthur, looking sideways at Charles.
Charles Red-belly flicks his tongue in and out, and carelessly licks his own tail.
They believe that the money, which is half theirs, is somewhere inside.
They watch from a disused doorway, behind a red bin.
Margaret returns to the ute, looking worried. She carries a plastic shopping bag with something heavy inside.
That'll be Porky, whispers Olive. Dead as a donut.
Looks like it, says Charles Red-belly. Except, not a donut. See how the bag swings.
Mmm, says Olive. Maybe it's not him at all.
Margaret tries the door of the ute. It won't open. She rattles the window and then looks about for a stone.
Katherine appears from a side street, with Arthur and Sweezus in tow.
Margaret gestures wildly.
Katherine, who still has Ray's car key, opens the door.
She picks up an almost identical bag from the seat of the ute, looks inside, turns pale, and sits down on the pavement.
Woooeee! says Olive. Porky! So.....
.......where's our money? says Charles.
In the other one, whispers Olive. If she puts it down.....
....we can dart out and make off with it, says Charles.
But....says Olive, Arthur will see us.
Arthur? says Charles. That's Arthur?
Yes, that's him, says Olive.
Introduce me! says Charles. You know I've been dying to meet him.
So the snakes slither up to the back of the ute where Arthur is helpfully emptying the shopping bag into the tray.
Man! says Sweezus. Awesome. A red belly !
Arthur turns from his unpleasant task to see Olive Python, and beside her, a red bellied black snake, who is looking at him in a way that reminds him of an old friend and mortal enemy.
This is Charles, says Olive. Like me, he is an afficionado of Charles Baudelaire. He wants to meet you.
Charles Red-belly affects a lean and hungry look.
Hello, says Arthur. Excuse me a minute.
He reaches into the back of the ute and retrieves the limp body of Porky.
Arthur, says Sweezus. Don't do it, mate. Katherine won't like it.
Margaret taps Katherine on the shoulder. Katherine looks up.
Is Arthur really going to feed Porky to Charles Red-belly? As a gesture of Baudelarian blood-brotherhood?
We shall never know.
Arthur, don't even think of it, says Katherine.
Of course not, says Arthur, looking sideways at Charles.
Charles Red-belly flicks his tongue in and out, and carelessly licks his own tail.
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Bender Mash And Brave Soul Paisley Skull
Margaret walks into a deli and up to the counter.
May I have a bowl of water? says Margaret.
A bowl? says the man behind the counter? Try the drinks fridge. But I think all you'll find there is bottles.
It is only now that Margaret looks into the plastic shopping bag that she thinks contains Porky.
Oh no! It's not Porky. It's only the snake box, full of money.
..........
Katherine has taken Sweezus and Arthur to a surf shop in Rundle Mall. It is called Jetty Surf
While Arthur and Sweezus are looking at beach shorts, she rummages through the sales racks.
Men's shorts are expensive these days.
Arthur has found some he likes. He takes them into the change room, and comes out with them on.
Arthur, says Katherine. I don't like that look. What's it called, Drop Crotch? I'm not paying good money for those.
Arthur goes back to the change room.
Sweezus picks up a Bender Mash Beach Short, top half black, red piping, lower half orange, with black panther and tiger design.
These are awesome, says Sweezus.
I like them, says Katherine. Try them on.
Sweezus goes into the change room as Arthur comes out.
Arthur is wearing Brave Soul Paisley Skull Shorts, which he found on a hook behind the door.
Paisley! says Katherine. I've always liked paisley. What's that though?
She peers at the pattern. Are they..... skulls?
I love them, says Arthur.
Do you really? says Katherine. Aren't they a little exotic for Tasmania?
Tasmania? says Arthur. I'm not going to Tasmania.
Of course not, says Katherine. I'd forgotten that Gaius has been arrested.
Arrested? says Arthur. What for?
Sweezus appears in the Bender Mash shorts, which fit him perfectly.
What's this about Gaius? says Sweezus.
He's been arrested, says Arthur.
He's at the police station now, says Katherine. Oh Sweezus, you do look nice in those! What are they, horses?
Tigers and panthers, says Sweezus. But yeah, Gaius.....
He'll be fine, says Katherine airily. Now just let me pay for these shorts.
........
Gaius is not fine however. Nor is Ray Moon.
Victor is worried.
Should he let them open the jar of saliva?
........
And where is Porky?
......
And what's happened to the snakes?
May I have a bowl of water? says Margaret.
A bowl? says the man behind the counter? Try the drinks fridge. But I think all you'll find there is bottles.
It is only now that Margaret looks into the plastic shopping bag that she thinks contains Porky.
Oh no! It's not Porky. It's only the snake box, full of money.
..........
Katherine has taken Sweezus and Arthur to a surf shop in Rundle Mall. It is called Jetty Surf
While Arthur and Sweezus are looking at beach shorts, she rummages through the sales racks.
Men's shorts are expensive these days.
Arthur has found some he likes. He takes them into the change room, and comes out with them on.
Arthur, says Katherine. I don't like that look. What's it called, Drop Crotch? I'm not paying good money for those.
Arthur goes back to the change room.
Sweezus picks up a Bender Mash Beach Short, top half black, red piping, lower half orange, with black panther and tiger design.
These are awesome, says Sweezus.
I like them, says Katherine. Try them on.
Sweezus goes into the change room as Arthur comes out.
Arthur is wearing Brave Soul Paisley Skull Shorts, which he found on a hook behind the door.
Paisley! says Katherine. I've always liked paisley. What's that though?
She peers at the pattern. Are they..... skulls?
I love them, says Arthur.
Do you really? says Katherine. Aren't they a little exotic for Tasmania?
Tasmania? says Arthur. I'm not going to Tasmania.
Of course not, says Katherine. I'd forgotten that Gaius has been arrested.
Arrested? says Arthur. What for?
Sweezus appears in the Bender Mash shorts, which fit him perfectly.
What's this about Gaius? says Sweezus.
He's been arrested, says Arthur.
He's at the police station now, says Katherine. Oh Sweezus, you do look nice in those! What are they, horses?
Tigers and panthers, says Sweezus. But yeah, Gaius.....
He'll be fine, says Katherine airily. Now just let me pay for these shorts.
........
Gaius is not fine however. Nor is Ray Moon.
Victor is worried.
Should he let them open the jar of saliva?
........
And where is Porky?
......
And what's happened to the snakes?
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Hippies And Hipsters
Gaius and Ray Moon are at the police station being interviewed by Sergeant Victor.
No busking licence, says Victor. That's crime number one.
What if he said he was preaching? asks Gaius.
Crime number two, says Victor.
But I wasn't, says Ray hastily.
Thirdly, says Victor, that jar of so-called saliva.
So-called saliva! says Gaius.
Benefit of the doubt, says Victor. I must ask you to give me a sample.
You can have the whole lot, says Gaius.
Don't be so hasty, says Ray. We may need it.
What for? asks Victor, suspiciously.
We were both bitten, says Ray, and saliva, according to Gaius, is an effective antidote.
Antidote! scoffs Victor. Carrying a jar of human saliva is an offence under the Human Excretions Act.
You made that up, says Ray.
Not I, says Victor. And further more that reminds me, crime number ...where are we up to?....four.... introducing venomous snakes into the Mall.
Victor writes copious notes in his notebook.
Ray's head is swimming. He looks about for a chair.
...........
Katherine and Margaret have located the ute and found Porky.
Porky doesn't look well.
His bandages are sticky and yellow with vomit. His eyes are the colour of stones.
Poor wee fellow, says Margaret. He needs a drink of water.
Yes, water, says Katherine. Don't fret Porky. We'll find you some water.
Her phone rings.
Ring ring.
It's Arthur.
Katherine, says Arthur. Where are you? We're at your house.
In the city, says Katherine. The Fringe is on. We've been watching the busking. You could meet us down here.
Okay, says Arthur. We're coming.
.......
Fifteen minutes later, Arthur and Sweezus appear in front of Katherine and Margaret.
Arthur! says Katherine. Just look at the state of your shorts! And you Sweezus! You look like a hippie.
It's hipster they call them nowadays, Katherine, says Margaret.
Is it? says Katherine. I thought hipsters dressed smartly.
Well I wouldn't know, grumbles Margaret.
Arthur and Sweezus wait for Katherine to suggest they go shopping
I would take you boys shopping, says Katherine, but I really must get some water for Porky.
I'll do it, says Margaret. He'll die if he waits for you. Let me have him.
Thank you Margaret, says Katherine, handing Margaret a large plastic shopping bag with something heavy inside.
Margaret heads off with the bag, to look for a deli.
Is Porky in a box? asks Sweezus.
Oh no dear, says Katherine. That would be cruel. Come on you two. Let's go shopping.
No busking licence, says Victor. That's crime number one.
What if he said he was preaching? asks Gaius.
Crime number two, says Victor.
But I wasn't, says Ray hastily.
Thirdly, says Victor, that jar of so-called saliva.
So-called saliva! says Gaius.
Benefit of the doubt, says Victor. I must ask you to give me a sample.
You can have the whole lot, says Gaius.
Don't be so hasty, says Ray. We may need it.
What for? asks Victor, suspiciously.
We were both bitten, says Ray, and saliva, according to Gaius, is an effective antidote.
Antidote! scoffs Victor. Carrying a jar of human saliva is an offence under the Human Excretions Act.
You made that up, says Ray.
Not I, says Victor. And further more that reminds me, crime number ...where are we up to?....four.... introducing venomous snakes into the Mall.
Victor writes copious notes in his notebook.
Ray's head is swimming. He looks about for a chair.
...........
Katherine and Margaret have located the ute and found Porky.
Porky doesn't look well.
His bandages are sticky and yellow with vomit. His eyes are the colour of stones.
Poor wee fellow, says Margaret. He needs a drink of water.
Yes, water, says Katherine. Don't fret Porky. We'll find you some water.
Her phone rings.
Ring ring.
It's Arthur.
Katherine, says Arthur. Where are you? We're at your house.
In the city, says Katherine. The Fringe is on. We've been watching the busking. You could meet us down here.
Okay, says Arthur. We're coming.
.......
Fifteen minutes later, Arthur and Sweezus appear in front of Katherine and Margaret.
Arthur! says Katherine. Just look at the state of your shorts! And you Sweezus! You look like a hippie.
It's hipster they call them nowadays, Katherine, says Margaret.
Is it? says Katherine. I thought hipsters dressed smartly.
Well I wouldn't know, grumbles Margaret.
Arthur and Sweezus wait for Katherine to suggest they go shopping
I would take you boys shopping, says Katherine, but I really must get some water for Porky.
I'll do it, says Margaret. He'll die if he waits for you. Let me have him.
Thank you Margaret, says Katherine, handing Margaret a large plastic shopping bag with something heavy inside.
Margaret heads off with the bag, to look for a deli.
Is Porky in a box? asks Sweezus.
Oh no dear, says Katherine. That would be cruel. Come on you two. Let's go shopping.
Monday, February 24, 2014
The Perils Of Busking
A large crowd has gathered around Ray Moon, Gaius and the snake box. Katherine and Margaret can't see what's happening . But they can hear reasonably well.
Ray Moon: Come out in the name of the Lord!
( sound of chains rattling, as Gaius opens the snake box)
Crowd: Ooooh! Real live snakes!
Ray Moon: In the name of the Lord I challenge you. Bite me!
Charles Red-belly: Hissss. Spitty poo!
Olive Python: Me too? Do you want me to bite you?
Ray Moon: Do what you will, female serpent!. I trust wholly in the Lord!
Crowd member: What's that slimy stuff in the jar?
Gaius: That sir, is saliva.
Crowd: Eeeew! Yuck.
( mothers stop the ears of their children)
Ray Moon: It will not be necessary to use the saliva. The Lord....ow!
Crowd: He got bitten! Grab the snake!
Gaius: No no! It is part of the act!
Olive Python: Charles! Did you bite him?
Charles Red-belly: No, I didn't.
Ray Moon: Something did!
Crowd member: A wasp? A hornet?
Ray Moon: Quick! The saliva!
Crowd: Ooooh! Saliva.
Gaius opens the jar of saliva.
A policeman pushes forward ( Sergeant Victor).
Sergeant Victor: Hello, what's this then? Saliva?
Gaius: Victor It's you! I thought you were in Wallaroo.
Sergeant Victor: Never mind that. What you are doing is illegal.
Ray Moon: No, it's all an illusion. These are pet snakes. It isn't saliva. I am not a believer.
Crowd: Shame! Shame!
Olive Python: Charles! Do something! It's all going pear-shaped!
Charles darts through the crowd, hissing at various people. Olive wraps herself around Victor. Ray comes to his rescue. Gaius runs after Charles, catches up and stamps on his tail with his foot. Charles rears up and bites Gaius on the kneecap.
Gaius: Ow!
Crowd: Awesome! That looked real!
They clap, whistle and woohoo raucously. Some drop cash into the snake box.
The crowd melts away.
...........
Are you all right Gaius? asks Victor.
Perfectly, says Gaius, as soon as I......
Then I must ask you and your accomplice to accompany me to the station, says Victor.
Katherine and Margaret have come forward to see what is happening.
Dear me, says Katherine. Are you being led off?
Yes we are, says Ray Moon. Could I ask you to look after that money until we get back?
Certainly, says Katherine. And can I have the keys to the ute? I must retrieve dear little Porky.
Another crime? says Victor. Child left in car? Madam....
No, no, just a dog, says Katherine. Or is that a crime nowadays?
That depends on the state of the dog, says Victor.
Katherine reflects that the state of the dog could be misinterpreted.
She hopes Victor won't follow it up.
Ray Moon: Come out in the name of the Lord!
( sound of chains rattling, as Gaius opens the snake box)
Crowd: Ooooh! Real live snakes!
Ray Moon: In the name of the Lord I challenge you. Bite me!
Charles Red-belly: Hissss. Spitty poo!
Olive Python: Me too? Do you want me to bite you?
Ray Moon: Do what you will, female serpent!. I trust wholly in the Lord!
Crowd member: What's that slimy stuff in the jar?
Gaius: That sir, is saliva.
Crowd: Eeeew! Yuck.
( mothers stop the ears of their children)
Ray Moon: It will not be necessary to use the saliva. The Lord....ow!
Crowd: He got bitten! Grab the snake!
Gaius: No no! It is part of the act!
Olive Python: Charles! Did you bite him?
Charles Red-belly: No, I didn't.
Ray Moon: Something did!
Crowd member: A wasp? A hornet?
Ray Moon: Quick! The saliva!
Crowd: Ooooh! Saliva.
Gaius opens the jar of saliva.
A policeman pushes forward ( Sergeant Victor).
Sergeant Victor: Hello, what's this then? Saliva?
Gaius: Victor It's you! I thought you were in Wallaroo.
Sergeant Victor: Never mind that. What you are doing is illegal.
Ray Moon: No, it's all an illusion. These are pet snakes. It isn't saliva. I am not a believer.
Crowd: Shame! Shame!
Olive Python: Charles! Do something! It's all going pear-shaped!
Charles darts through the crowd, hissing at various people. Olive wraps herself around Victor. Ray comes to his rescue. Gaius runs after Charles, catches up and stamps on his tail with his foot. Charles rears up and bites Gaius on the kneecap.
Gaius: Ow!
Crowd: Awesome! That looked real!
They clap, whistle and woohoo raucously. Some drop cash into the snake box.
The crowd melts away.
...........
Are you all right Gaius? asks Victor.
Perfectly, says Gaius, as soon as I......
Then I must ask you and your accomplice to accompany me to the station, says Victor.
Katherine and Margaret have come forward to see what is happening.
Dear me, says Katherine. Are you being led off?
Yes we are, says Ray Moon. Could I ask you to look after that money until we get back?
Certainly, says Katherine. And can I have the keys to the ute? I must retrieve dear little Porky.
Another crime? says Victor. Child left in car? Madam....
No, no, just a dog, says Katherine. Or is that a crime nowadays?
That depends on the state of the dog, says Victor.
Katherine reflects that the state of the dog could be misinterpreted.
She hopes Victor won't follow it up.
Sunday, February 23, 2014
The Kentucky Pastor
Ray Moon knocks on Gaius's door.
Come in Ray, says Gaius. So you really mean to go through with it?
If you do, says Ray. I am willing.
The snakes are extraordinarily willing, says Gaius. I hope that's a good thing.
Ray follows Gaius into the kitchen
Now, what do you know about snake handling? says Gaius.
We don't need handling, says Olive. We'll be equal partners.
Fifty-fifty, says Charles. Just tell us what you want us to do.
.........
Sweezus and Arthur have left Middleton, and are cycling back towards Adelaide.
Why? Let's listen in and find out.
Sweezus: So you've got nothing?
Arthur: Nothing at all. I'll ask Katherine.
Sweezus: Did she buy you those?
Arthur: No. But she likes me.
Sweezus: She won't give you the money.
Arthur (groaning): I know. She'll make me go shopping
Sweezus: What colour were they?
Arthur: Orange. Bright orange.
Sweezus: Yeah ....I remember. Geez, that material fades really badly.
Arthur: Yours are no better.
Sweezus: I know.
.........
Katherine and Margaret are in Rundle Mall having a coffee.
How's Porky this morning? asks Margaret. He looked very poorly last night.
Katherine looks blank for a moment.
Oh dear, says Katherine. Porky. He's still in the back of the ute. I forgot all about him.
How could you? says Margaret.
The excitement, says Katherine. The idea of Gaius and Ray going busking with snakes.
Yes, that was a brilliant idea, agrees Margaret. Do you think they'll go through with it?
I do, says Katherine. Here they come now! Don't they look professional. Hi! Ray! Gaius! Over here!
Ray comes over. He is dressed like a Kentucky pastor. He carries the snake box, sealed with heavy chains and padlocks. A hissing sound comes from inside.
Gaius follows. He carries a glass jar of viscous liquid that could be saliva.
Gather round everyone! Gather round!
Come in Ray, says Gaius. So you really mean to go through with it?
If you do, says Ray. I am willing.
The snakes are extraordinarily willing, says Gaius. I hope that's a good thing.
Ray follows Gaius into the kitchen
Now, what do you know about snake handling? says Gaius.
We don't need handling, says Olive. We'll be equal partners.
Fifty-fifty, says Charles. Just tell us what you want us to do.
.........
Sweezus and Arthur have left Middleton, and are cycling back towards Adelaide.
Why? Let's listen in and find out.
Sweezus: So you've got nothing?
Arthur: Nothing at all. I'll ask Katherine.
Sweezus: Did she buy you those?
Arthur: No. But she likes me.
Sweezus: She won't give you the money.
Arthur (groaning): I know. She'll make me go shopping
Sweezus: What colour were they?
Arthur: Orange. Bright orange.
Sweezus: Yeah ....I remember. Geez, that material fades really badly.
Arthur: Yours are no better.
Sweezus: I know.
.........
Katherine and Margaret are in Rundle Mall having a coffee.
How's Porky this morning? asks Margaret. He looked very poorly last night.
Katherine looks blank for a moment.
Oh dear, says Katherine. Porky. He's still in the back of the ute. I forgot all about him.
How could you? says Margaret.
The excitement, says Katherine. The idea of Gaius and Ray going busking with snakes.
Yes, that was a brilliant idea, agrees Margaret. Do you think they'll go through with it?
I do, says Katherine. Here they come now! Don't they look professional. Hi! Ray! Gaius! Over here!
Ray comes over. He is dressed like a Kentucky pastor. He carries the snake box, sealed with heavy chains and padlocks. A hissing sound comes from inside.
Gaius follows. He carries a glass jar of viscous liquid that could be saliva.
Gather round everyone! Gather round!
Saturday, February 22, 2014
Inner Voyage Into Outer Space
Gaius walks back to his house with the snake box.
He goes inside and drops the snake box on the table.
He opens the snake box.
Come out, says Gaius. Both of you. Ah yes, he says, looking at Charles. A red bellied black snake. Poisonous but not too poisonous. Tell me, Olive, why were you laughing before?
Katherine's going out with Ray Moon, says Olive.
There are worse things, says Gaius.
He is thinking of one in particular.
The phone rings.
It's Margaret.
Gaius, says Margaret. You like science.
How can he say that he doesn't.
Let's say I do, says Gaius. What of it?
Margaret invites him to a screening of Serene Universe. Tonight at the Science Exchange. She has two free tickets, she says.
Gaius likes the idea of free tickets. All right. He does like science. How bad can it be.
.......
That evening, downstairs in the Science Exchange, Katherine and Moon are surprised to see Gaius and Margaret.
You didn't say you were coming, whispers Katherine to Gaius.
Margaret got us free tickets, Gaius whispers to Katherine.
Free tickets, says Moon loudly. We've all got free tickets. It's free.
Katherine is affronted. Moon hasn't paid for the tickets. What a cheapskate.
Gaius too is affronted. Margaret has tricked him again.
Maarten Roos introduces his film. It is abstract and beautiful, he says. You will see stars, planets and galaxies. You will journey to the ends of the universe. It's an inner voyage into outer space. You may find you fall into a trance.
........
Serene Universe is over. It was beautiful. The audience claps. The DVD is on sale for fifteen dollars.
It would be nice, says Katherine to Moon, if you bought one.
It would, says Moon, but I don't have the right change.
I have change, says Margaret. Do you want to buy one?
Not really , says Moon. Short of funds.
I too, am short of funds, says Gaius.
You are? says Margaret, sharply. Why is that, Gaius?
Oh, no reason, says Gaius.
He's saving up, says Katherine. To go to Tasmania.
He is, is he? says Margaret. He didn't tell me. Why is he going to Tasmania?
Giant jellyfish business, says Katherine.
Humph, says Margaret. I have relatives in Tasmania.
Silence follows. Gaius won't take the bait.
And you Moon, says Katherine. I thought religion was booming these days.
Moon: No Katherine. Not for me. My daughter ousted me from the congregation. I am currently re-evaluating my convictions.
Katherine: Good heavens! Changing your spots! And you need money. Have you thought about busking?
Moon: No. I have no talents to speak of.
Katherine: Rubbish, Moon. You can preach fire and brimstone. And you have snakes.
Moon: I haven't. Gaius has them
Margaret: Gaius! If you have the snakes, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity!
Gaius: What for?
Margaret and Katherine, the schemers, are on the same page. They both know exactly what for.
He goes inside and drops the snake box on the table.
He opens the snake box.
Come out, says Gaius. Both of you. Ah yes, he says, looking at Charles. A red bellied black snake. Poisonous but not too poisonous. Tell me, Olive, why were you laughing before?
Katherine's going out with Ray Moon, says Olive.
There are worse things, says Gaius.
He is thinking of one in particular.
The phone rings.
It's Margaret.
Gaius, says Margaret. You like science.
How can he say that he doesn't.
Let's say I do, says Gaius. What of it?
Margaret invites him to a screening of Serene Universe. Tonight at the Science Exchange. She has two free tickets, she says.
Gaius likes the idea of free tickets. All right. He does like science. How bad can it be.
.......
That evening, downstairs in the Science Exchange, Katherine and Moon are surprised to see Gaius and Margaret.
You didn't say you were coming, whispers Katherine to Gaius.
Margaret got us free tickets, Gaius whispers to Katherine.
Free tickets, says Moon loudly. We've all got free tickets. It's free.
Katherine is affronted. Moon hasn't paid for the tickets. What a cheapskate.
Gaius too is affronted. Margaret has tricked him again.
Maarten Roos introduces his film. It is abstract and beautiful, he says. You will see stars, planets and galaxies. You will journey to the ends of the universe. It's an inner voyage into outer space. You may find you fall into a trance.
........
Serene Universe is over. It was beautiful. The audience claps. The DVD is on sale for fifteen dollars.
It would be nice, says Katherine to Moon, if you bought one.
It would, says Moon, but I don't have the right change.
I have change, says Margaret. Do you want to buy one?
Not really , says Moon. Short of funds.
I too, am short of funds, says Gaius.
You are? says Margaret, sharply. Why is that, Gaius?
Oh, no reason, says Gaius.
He's saving up, says Katherine. To go to Tasmania.
He is, is he? says Margaret. He didn't tell me. Why is he going to Tasmania?
Giant jellyfish business, says Katherine.
Humph, says Margaret. I have relatives in Tasmania.
Silence follows. Gaius won't take the bait.
And you Moon, says Katherine. I thought religion was booming these days.
Moon: No Katherine. Not for me. My daughter ousted me from the congregation. I am currently re-evaluating my convictions.
Katherine: Good heavens! Changing your spots! And you need money. Have you thought about busking?
Moon: No. I have no talents to speak of.
Katherine: Rubbish, Moon. You can preach fire and brimstone. And you have snakes.
Moon: I haven't. Gaius has them
Margaret: Gaius! If you have the snakes, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity!
Gaius: What for?
Margaret and Katherine, the schemers, are on the same page. They both know exactly what for.
Friday, February 21, 2014
Serene Universe
Next morning, Katherine is waiting for Gaius.
Gaius knocks on the door.
Come in, Gaius, says Katherine. I'm so glad you've come. Here they are, ready to go. Olive Python you know, and the black one is her companion Charles Red-belly. He's an afficionado of Charles Baudelaire. As is Olive.
Katherine, says Gaius, don't believe all that they tell you.
Indeed I do not, says Katherine. Poor Porky is proof of that maxim.
Was it snake bite? says Gaius. You should have called me immediately. Saliva is the best remedy for snake bite. Snakes flee from it as from boiling water.
Saliva? says Katherine.
Preferably of someone who has been fasting, says Gaius.
And have you been fasting? says Katherine.
No, I haven't says Gaius.
Perhaps you should start, says Katherine. Charles bit Ray Moon on the drive over.
Fear not Katherine, says Gaius. I can look after myself.
He looks into the snake box.
Gaius, says Olive. We don't hate saliva.
Or snot, says Charles Red-belly.
Olive looks at Charles Red-belly, disgusted.
The phone rings. It's Ray Moon.
Katherine, says Ray Moon, What are you doing this evening?
Ray! Are you asking me out? says Katherine.
Yes, says Ray Moon. There's a film at the Science Exchange. Serene Universe. I thought you might like it.
What about Porky? asks Katherine.
He can sleep in the back of my Ute, says Ray Moon. See you at eight.
Katherine puts the phone down.
That Ray, says Katherine, is much nicer since he was bitten. He's invited me out to a Fringe show. No doubt to repay me for last night. Serene Universe. How delightful.
Shrieks of laughter ring out from the snake box, causing Porky to tremble.
Gaius gathers up the snake box and makes a dignified exit.
Gaius knocks on the door.
Come in, Gaius, says Katherine. I'm so glad you've come. Here they are, ready to go. Olive Python you know, and the black one is her companion Charles Red-belly. He's an afficionado of Charles Baudelaire. As is Olive.
Katherine, says Gaius, don't believe all that they tell you.
Indeed I do not, says Katherine. Poor Porky is proof of that maxim.
Was it snake bite? says Gaius. You should have called me immediately. Saliva is the best remedy for snake bite. Snakes flee from it as from boiling water.
Saliva? says Katherine.
Preferably of someone who has been fasting, says Gaius.
And have you been fasting? says Katherine.
No, I haven't says Gaius.
Perhaps you should start, says Katherine. Charles bit Ray Moon on the drive over.
Fear not Katherine, says Gaius. I can look after myself.
He looks into the snake box.
Gaius, says Olive. We don't hate saliva.
Or snot, says Charles Red-belly.
Olive looks at Charles Red-belly, disgusted.
The phone rings. It's Ray Moon.
Katherine, says Ray Moon, What are you doing this evening?
Ray! Are you asking me out? says Katherine.
Yes, says Ray Moon. There's a film at the Science Exchange. Serene Universe. I thought you might like it.
What about Porky? asks Katherine.
He can sleep in the back of my Ute, says Ray Moon. See you at eight.
Katherine puts the phone down.
That Ray, says Katherine, is much nicer since he was bitten. He's invited me out to a Fringe show. No doubt to repay me for last night. Serene Universe. How delightful.
Shrieks of laughter ring out from the snake box, causing Porky to tremble.
Gaius gathers up the snake box and makes a dignified exit.
Thursday, February 20, 2014
In Pursuit Of The New Giant Jellyfish
David, Vello and Moon have come back to Katherine's.
Come in, says Katherine. How was the play?
Very good, says David. You would have enjoyed it.
I know, says Katherine. Instead of which......
Oh yes, how is Porky? says David.
Katherine lifts Porky gently out of the snake box.
He's bandaged all over! says Vello.
Indeed, says Katherine. That is because he was bitten.
I say! says David. He was bitten! As well as run over. Poor fellow.
Olive Python and Charles Red-belly slide off the white leather settee and disappear under it.
David and Vello sit down on the white leather settee.
Sit down, Moon, says Katherine. I'll make everyone a cup of hot chocolate.
I should be going, says Moon.
All right, says Katherine. Don't forget your poisonous snake.
Oh I'm not taking him with me, says Moon. He is partnering Olive. And he wants to meet Arthur Rimbaud.
Charles Red-belly's head pokes up from under the settee.
What? says Katherine sharply.
I want to meet Arthur Rimbaud, says Charles Red-belly.
So I hear, says Katherine. There is however a problem. He's down the coast surfing with Sweezus.
We'll wait, says Charles Red-belly. We don't mind waiting. We can look after Porky. Help him get back on his feet.
No, says Katherine. Definitely not. I know, I'll call Gaius.
Ring ring! She calls Gaius.
Hello, says Gaius. Who's this?
Katherine, says Katherine. Gaius, I want you to do me a favour. You remember Olive Python?
Yes, I remember Olive, says Gaius. A beautiful specimen.
She's here with a friend, says Katherine. A snake with interesting red and black markings. I was wondering if you'd like to....er... host them.
I'll come over in the morning, says Gaius. To have a look. But I can't promise anything. I'm about to head off to Tasmania. A new species of giant jellyfish has been found there. But of course, I'm waiting for Arthur....
Good. See you then, says Katherine. Bye now. Ah, that's settled. Where's David?
David is in the kitchen, heating the milk for the hot chocolate, and getting some water for Porky in Porky's blue bowl.
It's nice to have a functional family.
Come in, says Katherine. How was the play?
Very good, says David. You would have enjoyed it.
I know, says Katherine. Instead of which......
Oh yes, how is Porky? says David.
Katherine lifts Porky gently out of the snake box.
He's bandaged all over! says Vello.
Indeed, says Katherine. That is because he was bitten.
I say! says David. He was bitten! As well as run over. Poor fellow.
Olive Python and Charles Red-belly slide off the white leather settee and disappear under it.
David and Vello sit down on the white leather settee.
Sit down, Moon, says Katherine. I'll make everyone a cup of hot chocolate.
I should be going, says Moon.
All right, says Katherine. Don't forget your poisonous snake.
Oh I'm not taking him with me, says Moon. He is partnering Olive. And he wants to meet Arthur Rimbaud.
Charles Red-belly's head pokes up from under the settee.
What? says Katherine sharply.
I want to meet Arthur Rimbaud, says Charles Red-belly.
So I hear, says Katherine. There is however a problem. He's down the coast surfing with Sweezus.
We'll wait, says Charles Red-belly. We don't mind waiting. We can look after Porky. Help him get back on his feet.
No, says Katherine. Definitely not. I know, I'll call Gaius.
Ring ring! She calls Gaius.
Hello, says Gaius. Who's this?
Katherine, says Katherine. Gaius, I want you to do me a favour. You remember Olive Python?
Yes, I remember Olive, says Gaius. A beautiful specimen.
She's here with a friend, says Katherine. A snake with interesting red and black markings. I was wondering if you'd like to....er... host them.
I'll come over in the morning, says Gaius. To have a look. But I can't promise anything. I'm about to head off to Tasmania. A new species of giant jellyfish has been found there. But of course, I'm waiting for Arthur....
Good. See you then, says Katherine. Bye now. Ah, that's settled. Where's David?
David is in the kitchen, heating the milk for the hot chocolate, and getting some water for Porky in Porky's blue bowl.
It's nice to have a functional family.
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
Fascism Through The Ages
The show is over. It is raining slightly. Vello, David and Moon hurry to the car.
Wonderful play, says David. Imaginative. What did you think, Moon?
Very clever, says Moon. Those chalk drawings. The sound effects. The parrot.
Did you know, says Vello, that it was an Italian film. In the seventies?
A Special Day? Was it? says David. Who was in it?
Sophia Loren and Marcello Mastroianni, says Vello.
They pause to think about that.
..........
Meanwhile Katherine has come home from the vet's, with Porky, bandaged and drugged, but still breathing.
Nevertheless she is cross with the snakes.
Get out of the snake box, says Katherine. I have a few words to say to you two.
Olive Python and Charles Red-belly slither over and stretch out on the white leather settee.
Feet off! says Katherine.
They raise their tips obligingly. No need to get into more trouble.
We DON'T eat pet dogs, says Katherine sternly.
A whimper is heard from the snake box.
........
You've wrecked it for me, Vello, says David. Sophia Loren!
I liked her, when I was a youngster, says Moon.
I wish I hadn't mentioned it, says Vello. I was just trying to give it some context.
Ah yes, the political element, says David. You were interested in that, weren't you Moon?
Yes, what do you think, as a new Beaudelarian? says Vello. Changed your tune?
Are you baiting me? says Moon. I know what you're thinking.
What am I thinking? asks Vello.
That from an authoritarian despot I have changed into a dualist modernist, says Moon.
And as such, says David, you sympathise with the anti-fascist gay character.
I would, says Moon. If he'd acted gayer.
Yes, that was a bit of a riddle, says David.
Remember the context, says Vello.
Wonderful play, says David. Imaginative. What did you think, Moon?
Very clever, says Moon. Those chalk drawings. The sound effects. The parrot.
Did you know, says Vello, that it was an Italian film. In the seventies?
A Special Day? Was it? says David. Who was in it?
Sophia Loren and Marcello Mastroianni, says Vello.
They pause to think about that.
..........
Meanwhile Katherine has come home from the vet's, with Porky, bandaged and drugged, but still breathing.
Nevertheless she is cross with the snakes.
Get out of the snake box, says Katherine. I have a few words to say to you two.
Olive Python and Charles Red-belly slither over and stretch out on the white leather settee.
Feet off! says Katherine.
They raise their tips obligingly. No need to get into more trouble.
We DON'T eat pet dogs, says Katherine sternly.
A whimper is heard from the snake box.
........
You've wrecked it for me, Vello, says David. Sophia Loren!
I liked her, when I was a youngster, says Moon.
I wish I hadn't mentioned it, says Vello. I was just trying to give it some context.
Ah yes, the political element, says David. You were interested in that, weren't you Moon?
Yes, what do you think, as a new Beaudelarian? says Vello. Changed your tune?
Are you baiting me? says Moon. I know what you're thinking.
What am I thinking? asks Vello.
That from an authoritarian despot I have changed into a dualist modernist, says Moon.
And as such, says David, you sympathise with the anti-fascist gay character.
I would, says Moon. If he'd acted gayer.
Yes, that was a bit of a riddle, says David.
Remember the context, says Vello.
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Victims
So sorry, mother, says David. I appear to have run over Porky.
Impossible, says Katherine. Porky's inside. But wait, yes it does look like Porky.
David, Katherine and Ray Moon focus on Porky, dripping blood on the step.
This is a nuisance, says Katherine. I suppose we must go to the vet. And that means no Fringe show. What a waste of a ticket. Unless.....would you like to go, Ray?
To the vet? says Ray Moon. I don't think so.
No, to the show with my ticket, says Katherine.
What about the snakes? says Ray Moon.
Oh, the snakes, says Katherine. They'll have to come with me and poor Porky. How are you Porky? Still bleeding?
Allow me to lend you the snake box, says Ray Moon.
That is kind, says Katherine. Drop him in, David.
So Moon, are you coming with us? says David.
Looks like it, says Moon. What's the show?
Something about fascism, says David. Vello picked it. Just excuse me a minute. Must wash my hands.
Porky is now in the snake box, losing blood fast. Does nobody care?
He lies in the corner and waits.
Into the snake box drop Olive and Charles, recalled from the garden.
Hello! says Olive. Are you our dinner?
A good size, says Charles Red-belly, sniffing at Porky. And already open. What's your name fella?
Pour-quoi, says Porky, mustering some family pride.
Because, says Charles Red-belly, we'd like to know what it is. That is all, merely.
That is what it is, says Porky. My name is Pour-quoi. They call me Porky. I don't like it but what can you do. I don't like snakes either.
No doubt with good reason, says Charles, inching forward to lick at the poor little paw of Pour-quoi.
Not really, says Porky. It's more of a phobia, than a reason.
Charles raises and lowers his head in a hypnotic fashion.
Olive wonders how this will play out.
.........
David , Vello and Moon are sitting at a rough wooden table under the trees at the Holden Street Theatres, drinking sparkling wine, before the play starts.
Strings of tiny lights twinkle as the evening breeze rustles the leaves.
David and Vello are waiting for Moon to reveal himself, as a man of religion. Then they will pounce.
Well, well, says Pastor Moon. Fascism.
Pardon? says Vello. Oh, this play. Yes I believe it touches on fascism. In an allegorical fashion.
Very good, says Pastor Moon. I shall be interested, as a new Beaudelarian.
Pounce on that, boys.
But later.
Ding Ding! It's time to go in.
Impossible, says Katherine. Porky's inside. But wait, yes it does look like Porky.
David, Katherine and Ray Moon focus on Porky, dripping blood on the step.
This is a nuisance, says Katherine. I suppose we must go to the vet. And that means no Fringe show. What a waste of a ticket. Unless.....would you like to go, Ray?
To the vet? says Ray Moon. I don't think so.
No, to the show with my ticket, says Katherine.
What about the snakes? says Ray Moon.
Oh, the snakes, says Katherine. They'll have to come with me and poor Porky. How are you Porky? Still bleeding?
Allow me to lend you the snake box, says Ray Moon.
That is kind, says Katherine. Drop him in, David.
So Moon, are you coming with us? says David.
Looks like it, says Moon. What's the show?
Something about fascism, says David. Vello picked it. Just excuse me a minute. Must wash my hands.
Porky is now in the snake box, losing blood fast. Does nobody care?
He lies in the corner and waits.
Into the snake box drop Olive and Charles, recalled from the garden.
Hello! says Olive. Are you our dinner?
A good size, says Charles Red-belly, sniffing at Porky. And already open. What's your name fella?
Pour-quoi, says Porky, mustering some family pride.
Because, says Charles Red-belly, we'd like to know what it is. That is all, merely.
That is what it is, says Porky. My name is Pour-quoi. They call me Porky. I don't like it but what can you do. I don't like snakes either.
No doubt with good reason, says Charles, inching forward to lick at the poor little paw of Pour-quoi.
Not really, says Porky. It's more of a phobia, than a reason.
Charles raises and lowers his head in a hypnotic fashion.
Olive wonders how this will play out.
.........
David , Vello and Moon are sitting at a rough wooden table under the trees at the Holden Street Theatres, drinking sparkling wine, before the play starts.
Strings of tiny lights twinkle as the evening breeze rustles the leaves.
David and Vello are waiting for Moon to reveal himself, as a man of religion. Then they will pounce.
Well, well, says Pastor Moon. Fascism.
Pardon? says Vello. Oh, this play. Yes I believe it touches on fascism. In an allegorical fashion.
Very good, says Pastor Moon. I shall be interested, as a new Beaudelarian.
Pounce on that, boys.
But later.
Ding Ding! It's time to go in.
Monday, February 17, 2014
Hanging Limply And Dripping With Blood
From Renmark, it's not far to Adelaide. At 6 o'clock Pastor Moon pulls up outside Katherine's house.
He gets out of the Toyota Ute and knocks on the door.
The door opens.
Ray Moon, says Katherine.
Katherine, says Ray Moon.
Frank, says Olive, who has followed Ray Moon to the door.
Olive! says Katherine. How nice to see you again. Do come in, dear. What's this about Frank?
Nothing, says Ray Moon, just a little joke that the snakes have come up with.
Did you say snakes in the plural? asks Katherine.
I did, says Ray Moon. Aren't you going to ask me in?
No, says Katherine. It would be uncomfortable. You and I are like chalk and cheese.
Not any more Katherine, says Ray Moon. I see myself as a Beaudelarian these days. Evil is natural, and good is the product of art.
For heavens sake Ray, says Katherine. What does that mean? Give me an example.
Where is Charles Red-belly? says Ray Moon, looking behind him. There you are, Charles. Come closer.
No, no, says Katherine. Don't come closer. Stay on the path.
See this snake, Katherine, says Ray Moon. Here is your example.
Just say it, says Katherine. Use words.
Words are deceptive, says Ray Moon.
Idiot, says Katherine. Come in. Have you eaten?
No, says Ray, not since lunch time.
It's tuna and salad, says Katherine. Then I'm going out for the evening, with David and Vello. The Fringe is on this month, did you know?
Ray Moon sits down at the table to face the tuna and salad.
Olive and Charles are sent out the back.
A dog barks, yelps and is silent.
Do you have a dog? asks Ray Moon.
Yes, a dear little white one called Porky, says Katherine.
Perhaps you have him no longer, says Ray.
I am not such a fool, says Katherine. He lives inside, in the laundry.
Knock Knock! Knock Knock knock!
That will be David, says Katherine.
She opens the door.
It is David, but what is he holding, hanging limply and dripping with blood?
He gets out of the Toyota Ute and knocks on the door.
The door opens.
Ray Moon, says Katherine.
Katherine, says Ray Moon.
Frank, says Olive, who has followed Ray Moon to the door.
Olive! says Katherine. How nice to see you again. Do come in, dear. What's this about Frank?
Nothing, says Ray Moon, just a little joke that the snakes have come up with.
Did you say snakes in the plural? asks Katherine.
I did, says Ray Moon. Aren't you going to ask me in?
No, says Katherine. It would be uncomfortable. You and I are like chalk and cheese.
Not any more Katherine, says Ray Moon. I see myself as a Beaudelarian these days. Evil is natural, and good is the product of art.
For heavens sake Ray, says Katherine. What does that mean? Give me an example.
Where is Charles Red-belly? says Ray Moon, looking behind him. There you are, Charles. Come closer.
No, no, says Katherine. Don't come closer. Stay on the path.
See this snake, Katherine, says Ray Moon. Here is your example.
Just say it, says Katherine. Use words.
Words are deceptive, says Ray Moon.
Idiot, says Katherine. Come in. Have you eaten?
No, says Ray, not since lunch time.
It's tuna and salad, says Katherine. Then I'm going out for the evening, with David and Vello. The Fringe is on this month, did you know?
Ray Moon sits down at the table to face the tuna and salad.
Olive and Charles are sent out the back.
A dog barks, yelps and is silent.
Do you have a dog? asks Ray Moon.
Yes, a dear little white one called Porky, says Katherine.
Perhaps you have him no longer, says Ray.
I am not such a fool, says Katherine. He lives inside, in the laundry.
Knock Knock! Knock Knock knock!
That will be David, says Katherine.
She opens the door.
It is David, but what is he holding, hanging limply and dripping with blood?
Sunday, February 16, 2014
Misunderstanding Beaudelaire
Mid afternoon in Renmark. The air is redolent of ducks.
Pastor Moon stretches out on the grass.
Charles Red-belly slides up beside him.
To be Frank... begins Charles.
Spit it out, says Pastor Moon.
You know you want it, says Charles Red-belly.
Want what? says Pastor Moon.
To be Frank, says Charles Red-belly. Are you so thick?
Olive Python appears, mouth full of feathers.
When are we leaving? she says.
No need to hurry, says Pastor Moon. It's pleasant here. I am thinking of what Frances said, under the stars.
I knew it! says Olive.
Paperwork, says Pastor Moon. That's all words are. Including menus.
Menus? says Charles Red-belly. What about menus?
You can choose anything, says Pastor Moon.
But you might not like it, says Olive. We didn't like those nuggets.
Because you'd just eaten frogs, says Pastor Moon. That's it exactly.
I am reminded of something Beaudelaire said, says Charles.
The world only goes round by misunderstanding, says Olive.
No, not that one, says Charles.
But that's a good one, says Pastor Moon. Of all people, I understand that.
Charles Red-belly sighs.
My daughter called me, when I was inside, says Pastor Moon, rolling on to his tummy.
Helpful girl, says Charles Red-belly.
Oh yes, very helpful, agrees Pastor Moon, thinking otherwise. Tell me Charles, what was it Beaudelaire said?
About misunderstanding, says Olive Python.
No the other thing, says Pastor Moon, looking directly at Charles Red-belly.
Bad things happen naturally, says Charles Red-belly. Goodness is always the product of some art.
Actually, says Olive. I don't quite understand that.
But Pastor Moon, due to a long sequence of previous experiences, finds that he does.
Pastor Moon stretches out on the grass.
Charles Red-belly slides up beside him.
To be Frank... begins Charles.
Spit it out, says Pastor Moon.
You know you want it, says Charles Red-belly.
Want what? says Pastor Moon.
To be Frank, says Charles Red-belly. Are you so thick?
Olive Python appears, mouth full of feathers.
When are we leaving? she says.
No need to hurry, says Pastor Moon. It's pleasant here. I am thinking of what Frances said, under the stars.
I knew it! says Olive.
Paperwork, says Pastor Moon. That's all words are. Including menus.
Menus? says Charles Red-belly. What about menus?
You can choose anything, says Pastor Moon.
But you might not like it, says Olive. We didn't like those nuggets.
Because you'd just eaten frogs, says Pastor Moon. That's it exactly.
I am reminded of something Beaudelaire said, says Charles.
The world only goes round by misunderstanding, says Olive.
No, not that one, says Charles.
But that's a good one, says Pastor Moon. Of all people, I understand that.
Charles Red-belly sighs.
My daughter called me, when I was inside, says Pastor Moon, rolling on to his tummy.
Helpful girl, says Charles Red-belly.
Oh yes, very helpful, agrees Pastor Moon, thinking otherwise. Tell me Charles, what was it Beaudelaire said?
About misunderstanding, says Olive Python.
No the other thing, says Pastor Moon, looking directly at Charles Red-belly.
Bad things happen naturally, says Charles Red-belly. Goodness is always the product of some art.
Actually, says Olive. I don't quite understand that.
But Pastor Moon, due to a long sequence of previous experiences, finds that he does.
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Let It Be What It Is
That night they sleep under the stars. It is all very proper.
Next morning, Pastor Moon drives Dr Valentine back to Hay District Hospital and drops her at the entrance.
Goodbye Ray, says Dr Valentine. Drive safely.
Goodbye Frances, says Ray. I would write, but I know you hate paperwork.
Exactly, says Dr Valentine, wisely. Let it be what it is.
..........
Pastor Moon, Olive Python and Charles Red-belly are heading for Renmark.
It's a four and a half hour drive. They should be there by lunch time.
Ray, says Charles Red-belly, from deep in the snake box.
Yes, says Pastor Moon.
Ray Moon, says Charles Red-belly. That's a good name.
To be frank, I used to find it embarrassing, says Pastor Moon.
..........
Renmark. Elegant wide streets. Green grass. A river.
Lunch time, says Pastor Moon. We'll stop here.
He gets out of the Toyota Ute with the snake box, and sets it down on the grass.
You two stay here, says Pastor Moon. I'll go and buy something.
He crosses the road and enters the Renmark Hotel.
What do we do? says Olive. We haven't eaten for ages.
Exit the box, says Charles Red-belly, flicking the latch of the snake box.
........
Pastor Moon looks at the Menu.
Angas Beef Burger? Grilled Haloumi?
As he hesitates, his phone rings.
Ring ring.
Dad! says Unni. Why aren't you there yet? Has anything happened?
I'm in Renmark, says Pastor Moon. About to have lunch. Beef Burger or Grilled Haloumi?
Grilled Haloumi, says Unni. No question.
I'll be in Adelaide by dinner time, says her father. Don't worry. Everything's fine.
He goes up to the counter and orders an Angas Beef Burger.
Smiles at the minor defiance.
.......
Olive Python and Charles Red-belly are lunching on frogs.
It is peaceful and calm by the river. ( Unless you're a frog ).
Did you hear what he said about his name? says Olive Python.
He's embarrassed. He wants to be Frank, says Charles Red-belly.
And she was called Frances, says Olive Python.
I call that romantic, don't you?
Next morning, Pastor Moon drives Dr Valentine back to Hay District Hospital and drops her at the entrance.
Goodbye Ray, says Dr Valentine. Drive safely.
Goodbye Frances, says Ray. I would write, but I know you hate paperwork.
Exactly, says Dr Valentine, wisely. Let it be what it is.
..........
Pastor Moon, Olive Python and Charles Red-belly are heading for Renmark.
It's a four and a half hour drive. They should be there by lunch time.
Ray, says Charles Red-belly, from deep in the snake box.
Yes, says Pastor Moon.
Ray Moon, says Charles Red-belly. That's a good name.
To be frank, I used to find it embarrassing, says Pastor Moon.
..........
Renmark. Elegant wide streets. Green grass. A river.
Lunch time, says Pastor Moon. We'll stop here.
He gets out of the Toyota Ute with the snake box, and sets it down on the grass.
You two stay here, says Pastor Moon. I'll go and buy something.
He crosses the road and enters the Renmark Hotel.
What do we do? says Olive. We haven't eaten for ages.
Exit the box, says Charles Red-belly, flicking the latch of the snake box.
........
Pastor Moon looks at the Menu.
Angas Beef Burger? Grilled Haloumi?
As he hesitates, his phone rings.
Ring ring.
Dad! says Unni. Why aren't you there yet? Has anything happened?
I'm in Renmark, says Pastor Moon. About to have lunch. Beef Burger or Grilled Haloumi?
Grilled Haloumi, says Unni. No question.
I'll be in Adelaide by dinner time, says her father. Don't worry. Everything's fine.
He goes up to the counter and orders an Angas Beef Burger.
Smiles at the minor defiance.
.......
Olive Python and Charles Red-belly are lunching on frogs.
It is peaceful and calm by the river. ( Unless you're a frog ).
Did you hear what he said about his name? says Olive Python.
He's embarrassed. He wants to be Frank, says Charles Red-belly.
And she was called Frances, says Olive Python.
I call that romantic, don't you?
Friday, February 14, 2014
Revelations Under The Planets Moons And Constellations
Dr Valentine is off duty. She slips in beside Pastor Moon.
They drive sixteen kilometres out of town along the Cobb Highway.
Here we are, says Dr Valentine. Now what did I say?
Run me through it, says Pastor Moon. I don't see anything.
Hay Sunset Viewing Area is a square of cement furnished with three seats of irregular dimensions.
Do we get out ? says Pastor Moon.
Of course, says Dr Valentine. Otherwise what are the seats for?
They look rather uncomfortable, says Pastor Moon.
Olive Python and Charles Red-belly poke their heads out of the snake box.
What beautiful twisty seats, says Olive Python.
Sinuous, says Charles Red-belly. I like the low one.
For that, says Dr Valentine, you can get out of the snake box to view the sunset.
They all get out of the Toyota Ute and arrange themselves on the sinuous seats.
Pastor Moon on one, Dr Valentine on another. Olive and Charles drape themselves on the low one.
Due to the flatness of the landscape, you can see everything there is to see from the Hay Sunset Viewing Area.
The sun going down for example.
The clouds turn a rich shade of carrot and orange. The sun looks like an over-ripe mango.
See that, says Dr Valentine. The beauty of nature.
God's handiwork, says Pastor Moon.
He recalls his crisis of faith, and looks suddenly downcast.
What is it? asks Dr Valentine.
Oh nothing, says Pastor Moon. Well, yes something......may I tell you my story?
Certainly, says Dr Valentine. Tell away.
Olive and Charles look up from the low twisted seat they are exploring.
What is Pastor Moon's story?
The sun has dipped under the horizon. The clouds are the colour of mashed banana with black bits.
Pastor Moon speaks:
I was a pillar of the Church, believed in the Word, and the Coming.......then my daughter.... she was going to run away....she met someone who knew Jesus.... Sweezus he calls himself now....can you believe it? .... I went with her...... he was....... a disappointment..... I went home to Blaxland...... my daughter stayed and worked with him on a paper....to cut a long story short, my congregation found out.
How fascinating, says Dr Valentine. And what was the upshot?
They rejected me, says Pastor Moon. When my daughter returned they went ....
What? asks Dr Valentine. Mental?
Yes, says Pastor Moon. They went mental. They think she's got exclusive access to a second edition of the Word through this Sweezus.
And has she? asks Dr Valentine.
He sends her various writings, says Pastor Moon. She edits them.
Paperwork! says Dr Valentine. Don't you just hate it!
The Word is hardly paperwork, says Pastor Moon.
It becomes dark, very dark in the country. The stars shine as bright as a million fish scales.
Pastor Moon is about to have the best and most independent thought he has had in his lifetime.
Perhaps the Word is just paperwork.
They drive sixteen kilometres out of town along the Cobb Highway.
Here we are, says Dr Valentine. Now what did I say?
Run me through it, says Pastor Moon. I don't see anything.
Hay Sunset Viewing Area is a square of cement furnished with three seats of irregular dimensions.
Do we get out ? says Pastor Moon.
Of course, says Dr Valentine. Otherwise what are the seats for?
They look rather uncomfortable, says Pastor Moon.
Olive Python and Charles Red-belly poke their heads out of the snake box.
What beautiful twisty seats, says Olive Python.
Sinuous, says Charles Red-belly. I like the low one.
For that, says Dr Valentine, you can get out of the snake box to view the sunset.
They all get out of the Toyota Ute and arrange themselves on the sinuous seats.
Pastor Moon on one, Dr Valentine on another. Olive and Charles drape themselves on the low one.
Due to the flatness of the landscape, you can see everything there is to see from the Hay Sunset Viewing Area.
The sun going down for example.
The clouds turn a rich shade of carrot and orange. The sun looks like an over-ripe mango.
See that, says Dr Valentine. The beauty of nature.
God's handiwork, says Pastor Moon.
He recalls his crisis of faith, and looks suddenly downcast.
What is it? asks Dr Valentine.
Oh nothing, says Pastor Moon. Well, yes something......may I tell you my story?
Certainly, says Dr Valentine. Tell away.
Olive and Charles look up from the low twisted seat they are exploring.
What is Pastor Moon's story?
The sun has dipped under the horizon. The clouds are the colour of mashed banana with black bits.
Pastor Moon speaks:
I was a pillar of the Church, believed in the Word, and the Coming.......then my daughter.... she was going to run away....she met someone who knew Jesus.... Sweezus he calls himself now....can you believe it? .... I went with her...... he was....... a disappointment..... I went home to Blaxland...... my daughter stayed and worked with him on a paper....to cut a long story short, my congregation found out.
How fascinating, says Dr Valentine. And what was the upshot?
They rejected me, says Pastor Moon. When my daughter returned they went ....
What? asks Dr Valentine. Mental?
Yes, says Pastor Moon. They went mental. They think she's got exclusive access to a second edition of the Word through this Sweezus.
And has she? asks Dr Valentine.
He sends her various writings, says Pastor Moon. She edits them.
Paperwork! says Dr Valentine. Don't you just hate it!
The Word is hardly paperwork, says Pastor Moon.
It becomes dark, very dark in the country. The stars shine as bright as a million fish scales.
Pastor Moon is about to have the best and most independent thought he has had in his lifetime.
Perhaps the Word is just paperwork.
Thursday, February 13, 2014
The Kindness Of Dr Valentine
Pastor Moon skids to a halt outside the Hay District Hospital on Murray Street, seconds before collapsing at the wheel.
Two doctors run out of the hospital.
Dear me, says Dr Duval. What have we here?
Looks like an emergency, says Dr Valentine. What say we open the door?
She opens the door of the Ute but draws back suddenly.
Snakes! says Dr Valentine. This alters the equation. Get the snake box.
Dr Duval runs inside.
He comes back with the snake box, and a prong.
........
You are a very lucky man, says Dr Valentine to Pastor Moon, five minutes later.
Lucky, says Pastor Moon groggily. Where am I?
You're in Hay District Hospital, in a bed, says Dr Duval.
I can't believe it, says Pastor Moon. Two doctors? Am I dreaming?
Ha ha, laughs Dr Duval. Yes, you are. There is really just one of us.
I thought so, says Pastor Moon. But which one?
Never mind that, says Dr Valentine. Why are you travelling with snakes?
........
Olive Python and Charles Red-belly are locked inside the snake box.
Dr Duval peers in through the mesh.
Now then, says Dr Duval. Which one of you bit the old man?
I was provoked, says Charles Red-belly. It was me.
Olive giggles.
Good, says Dr Duval. We have given him the right treatment
Tiger Snake antivenom, says Charles.
You know it? says Dr Duval.
What snake doesn't? says Charles, with a sneer.
Olive giggles again.
..........
At last it is time to move on.
Pastor Moon has recovered.
Olive too.
(But they still look peaky).
Goodbye doctors, says Pastor Moon, and thank you.
Take care, says Dr Duval. Don't drive too far in one go.
No, don't, says Dr Valentine. In fact, I have an idea.
......
How thoughtful is Dr Valentine!
She has had a lovely idea.
Instead of driving to Renmark this evening, why not drive sixteen kilometres up the Cobb Highway and visit the Hay Sunset Viewing Area. It's ever so beautiful.
In fact, Dr Valentine is off duty soon and she will go with them. If they like it, they can camp overnight.
Pastor Moon is not sure how this tallies with his duty of pastoral care.
You owe this to yourself, Mr Moon, says Dr Valentine. We don't want an accident.
If you put it like that, says Pastor Moon.
But you must keep the snakes in the snake box, says Dr Valentine.
Certainly, says Pastor Moon.
He looks down into the snake box, where the two snakes appear to be sleeping........
Two doctors run out of the hospital.
Dear me, says Dr Duval. What have we here?
Looks like an emergency, says Dr Valentine. What say we open the door?
She opens the door of the Ute but draws back suddenly.
Snakes! says Dr Valentine. This alters the equation. Get the snake box.
Dr Duval runs inside.
He comes back with the snake box, and a prong.
........
You are a very lucky man, says Dr Valentine to Pastor Moon, five minutes later.
Lucky, says Pastor Moon groggily. Where am I?
You're in Hay District Hospital, in a bed, says Dr Duval.
I can't believe it, says Pastor Moon. Two doctors? Am I dreaming?
Ha ha, laughs Dr Duval. Yes, you are. There is really just one of us.
I thought so, says Pastor Moon. But which one?
Never mind that, says Dr Valentine. Why are you travelling with snakes?
........
Olive Python and Charles Red-belly are locked inside the snake box.
Dr Duval peers in through the mesh.
Now then, says Dr Duval. Which one of you bit the old man?
I was provoked, says Charles Red-belly. It was me.
Olive giggles.
Good, says Dr Duval. We have given him the right treatment
Tiger Snake antivenom, says Charles.
You know it? says Dr Duval.
What snake doesn't? says Charles, with a sneer.
Olive giggles again.
..........
At last it is time to move on.
Pastor Moon has recovered.
Olive too.
(But they still look peaky).
Goodbye doctors, says Pastor Moon, and thank you.
Take care, says Dr Duval. Don't drive too far in one go.
No, don't, says Dr Valentine. In fact, I have an idea.
......
How thoughtful is Dr Valentine!
She has had a lovely idea.
Instead of driving to Renmark this evening, why not drive sixteen kilometres up the Cobb Highway and visit the Hay Sunset Viewing Area. It's ever so beautiful.
In fact, Dr Valentine is off duty soon and she will go with them. If they like it, they can camp overnight.
Pastor Moon is not sure how this tallies with his duty of pastoral care.
You owe this to yourself, Mr Moon, says Dr Valentine. We don't want an accident.
If you put it like that, says Pastor Moon.
But you must keep the snakes in the snake box, says Dr Valentine.
Certainly, says Pastor Moon.
He looks down into the snake box, where the two snakes appear to be sleeping........
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Antivenom Is Needed
Pastor Moon is feeling delirious.
He is breaking the speed limit.
It is normally four hours to Hay but he'll be there by morning tea time.
Morning tea! He might have an expresso!
Olive Python's head is buffeted by fast country breezes.
No one tells her to pull her head in for reasons of safety.
Charles Red-belly thinks about cats.
He hums scratchily. Htchmmmmm.
Olive can't hear him. Moon can.
What's that tune you're humming, brother? enquires Pastor Moon.
The Cat-scratch, says Charles. The music of a cat hung by its tail outside a window.
I get it! cries Moon. Scraping its claws on the glass. Htchmmmmmm!
Olive pulls her head in.
Are we there yet? Ooh, Mister Moon. That's Baudelaire's favourite tune.
Interesting fellow, says Moon. I might read him.
I thought you only read scripture, says Charles.
Weeehah! says Pastor Moon. I'll read what I like!
You'll be sorry, says Charles. When that venom wears off you'll be wretched.
Venom! says Moon. It's only a scrape.
Venom, nods Olive, becoming suddenly sober.
Just a dribble, says Charles. It is my habit to conserve my own venom, like the rest of my species.
I must drive like the wind! cackles Moon. To the Hay District Hospital, for treatment.
What treatment? asks Olive. For bad humming?
They all crack up, laughing maniacally.
They drive through Hay Shire, flattest shire in the world, without even noticing the landscape.
But honestly, who hasn't done that.
It is more important to note that neurotoxins, myotoxins and coagulants are having a haemolytic effect on the driver.
He is breaking the speed limit.
It is normally four hours to Hay but he'll be there by morning tea time.
Morning tea! He might have an expresso!
Olive Python's head is buffeted by fast country breezes.
No one tells her to pull her head in for reasons of safety.
Charles Red-belly thinks about cats.
He hums scratchily. Htchmmmmm.
Olive can't hear him. Moon can.
What's that tune you're humming, brother? enquires Pastor Moon.
The Cat-scratch, says Charles. The music of a cat hung by its tail outside a window.
I get it! cries Moon. Scraping its claws on the glass. Htchmmmmmm!
Olive pulls her head in.
Are we there yet? Ooh, Mister Moon. That's Baudelaire's favourite tune.
Interesting fellow, says Moon. I might read him.
I thought you only read scripture, says Charles.
Weeehah! says Pastor Moon. I'll read what I like!
You'll be sorry, says Charles. When that venom wears off you'll be wretched.
Venom! says Moon. It's only a scrape.
Venom, nods Olive, becoming suddenly sober.
Just a dribble, says Charles. It is my habit to conserve my own venom, like the rest of my species.
I must drive like the wind! cackles Moon. To the Hay District Hospital, for treatment.
What treatment? asks Olive. For bad humming?
They all crack up, laughing maniacally.
They drive through Hay Shire, flattest shire in the world, without even noticing the landscape.
But honestly, who hasn't done that.
It is more important to note that neurotoxins, myotoxins and coagulants are having a haemolytic effect on the driver.
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Predatory Behaviour
Pastor Moon is asleep in the Ute.
The lagoon is in darkness.
Olive Python is restless.
So is Charles.
They slither out through the window and down to the edge of the water.
The water weeds bubble and slurp.
Silently a feral cat comes creeping.
Ach! Confrontation! What will happen?
The cat stares at the snakes, the fire of its pale pupils burns like beacons inside their own eyes.
Charles! hisses Olive. Do something!
Charles does.
.........
Morning.
The sun lights the tips of the leaves. The stems glow with redness. There is blood on the grass.
.........
Everyone ready? says Pastor Moon.
Yes, says Olive Python. What's wrong, Mr Moon? You look peaky.
So do you, Olive, says Pastor Moon.
She has reason, says Charles Red-belly.
I also have reason, says Pastor Moon.
And me? Do I look peaky? asks Charles. No of course not. Allow me to offer a remedy.
Breakfast, says Olive.
No not breakfast, my darling, says Charles. Come closer.
Olive moves closer to Charles Red-belly.
He gives her a venomous nip.
Ow! says Olive. What was that for?
You'll see in a minute, says Charles.
Enough of this nonsense, says Pastor Moon. We're supposed to be heading for Hay.
Hay, hay, hay! trills Olive Python, twisting and twirling.
What did you give her? demands Pastor Moon.
Charles Red-belly slides over to the driver's seat where Pastor Moon has just buckled himself in.
Want some? says Charles Red-belly.
No no! cries Pastor Moon.
But it is already too late.
The lagoon is in darkness.
Olive Python is restless.
So is Charles.
They slither out through the window and down to the edge of the water.
The water weeds bubble and slurp.
Silently a feral cat comes creeping.
Ach! Confrontation! What will happen?
The cat stares at the snakes, the fire of its pale pupils burns like beacons inside their own eyes.
Charles! hisses Olive. Do something!
Charles does.
.........
Morning.
The sun lights the tips of the leaves. The stems glow with redness. There is blood on the grass.
.........
Everyone ready? says Pastor Moon.
Yes, says Olive Python. What's wrong, Mr Moon? You look peaky.
So do you, Olive, says Pastor Moon.
She has reason, says Charles Red-belly.
I also have reason, says Pastor Moon.
And me? Do I look peaky? asks Charles. No of course not. Allow me to offer a remedy.
Breakfast, says Olive.
No not breakfast, my darling, says Charles. Come closer.
Olive moves closer to Charles Red-belly.
He gives her a venomous nip.
Ow! says Olive. What was that for?
You'll see in a minute, says Charles.
Enough of this nonsense, says Pastor Moon. We're supposed to be heading for Hay.
Hay, hay, hay! trills Olive Python, twisting and twirling.
What did you give her? demands Pastor Moon.
Charles Red-belly slides over to the driver's seat where Pastor Moon has just buckled himself in.
Want some? says Charles Red-belly.
No no! cries Pastor Moon.
But it is already too late.
Monday, February 10, 2014
Eternity Coming And Going
It's six hours to Wagga Wagga, where they plan to stop for the night.
Pastor Moon is driving, with Charles Red-belly and Olive Python on the front seat beside him.
In a Toyota Ute.
...
Darkness falls. Pastor Moon turns on the headlights.
They converse, to stop falling asleep.
...
The Chinese tell the time by looking into the eyes of cats, says Charles Red-belly.
Get away! says Pastor Moon.
I remember, says Olive. It was the first page I ate. My favourite.
Pastor Moon has not read Paris Spleen. He is baffled.
You look baffled, says Olive. Don't you know Beaudelaire?
I read nothing but scripture, says Pastor Moon, but I have a strange sense of freedom tonight. As if I'm on holiday. Tell me about Beaudelaire.
He loved cats, says Charles Red-belly.
But they don't tell the time, says Pastor Moon. How does that work?
I don't remember, says Charles Red-belly. Something to do with eternity.
Ah, says Pastor Moon. Eternity. There is no such thing.
Easy to say, says Charles Red-belly. But what if it isn't a thing?
Olive wants to settle it. She feels a bit sick anyway.
Blurp! She brings up a fruit bat.
Oh dear, sorry. She retches again.
A crumpled page emerges, soaked in snake bile.
Is that it? says Charles. The cat page?
I think so, says Olive. Uncrumple it.
No thank you, says Charles. No doubt the print is obliterated.
Well, I feel better, says Olive. It was indigestible.
I can well believe it, says Pastor Moon.
.......
Wagga Wagga, way past midnight.
They pull up at Wollundry Lagoon.
We'll stop here and sleep until morning, says Pastor Moon.
He opens a flask. They all have a drink of green tea.
Did Unni make it? asks Olive Python.
Too right she did, says Pastor Moon. Powerful tea, this. Good for me.
He sighs, and leans back in his seat.
Unni said you used to be different, says Olive, hoping to find something out.
Yes, says Pastor Moon. I used to be different. I firmly believed in the Coming.
And now you believe in the Going, says Charles Red-belly. Like we do.
I hadn't thought of it that way, says Pastor Moon. Do I believe in the Going? Depends what it is I suppo...zzzzzzzzzzz.....
It is late and the green tea was laced with whisky.
Will he wake in the morning with a new found belief in the Going?
Or the time-telling talents of cats?
Pastor Moon is driving, with Charles Red-belly and Olive Python on the front seat beside him.
In a Toyota Ute.
...
Darkness falls. Pastor Moon turns on the headlights.
They converse, to stop falling asleep.
...
The Chinese tell the time by looking into the eyes of cats, says Charles Red-belly.
Get away! says Pastor Moon.
I remember, says Olive. It was the first page I ate. My favourite.
Pastor Moon has not read Paris Spleen. He is baffled.
You look baffled, says Olive. Don't you know Beaudelaire?
I read nothing but scripture, says Pastor Moon, but I have a strange sense of freedom tonight. As if I'm on holiday. Tell me about Beaudelaire.
He loved cats, says Charles Red-belly.
But they don't tell the time, says Pastor Moon. How does that work?
I don't remember, says Charles Red-belly. Something to do with eternity.
Ah, says Pastor Moon. Eternity. There is no such thing.
Easy to say, says Charles Red-belly. But what if it isn't a thing?
Olive wants to settle it. She feels a bit sick anyway.
Blurp! She brings up a fruit bat.
Oh dear, sorry. She retches again.
A crumpled page emerges, soaked in snake bile.
Is that it? says Charles. The cat page?
I think so, says Olive. Uncrumple it.
No thank you, says Charles. No doubt the print is obliterated.
Well, I feel better, says Olive. It was indigestible.
I can well believe it, says Pastor Moon.
.......
Wagga Wagga, way past midnight.
They pull up at Wollundry Lagoon.
We'll stop here and sleep until morning, says Pastor Moon.
He opens a flask. They all have a drink of green tea.
Did Unni make it? asks Olive Python.
Too right she did, says Pastor Moon. Powerful tea, this. Good for me.
He sighs, and leans back in his seat.
Unni said you used to be different, says Olive, hoping to find something out.
Yes, says Pastor Moon. I used to be different. I firmly believed in the Coming.
And now you believe in the Going, says Charles Red-belly. Like we do.
I hadn't thought of it that way, says Pastor Moon. Do I believe in the Going? Depends what it is I suppo...zzzzzzzzzzz.....
It is late and the green tea was laced with whisky.
Will he wake in the morning with a new found belief in the Going?
Or the time-telling talents of cats?
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Entwined Like Blood Brothers
Olive Python is downstairs chatting with Unni.
Your dad's very kind, observes Olive.
Ha ha, says Unni. That's not it.
What then? asks Olive. Is he simple?
No, not that either, says Unni. Things used to be different round here. Before I met Arthur, and Sweezus..
I know Arthur and Sweezus, says Olive.
Yeah well, dad, says Unni, wasn't too happy with Sweezus. Thought he was shallow and that.
I suppose he is a bit shallow, says Olive. But harmless.
That's what dad thought, says Unni. Until Sweezus nicked money out of the collection box, to pay for a paddle.
Oh, says Olive. But isn't that what it was for?
For Sweezus? says Unni. No it wasn't. It was for the unfortunate.
Okay, says Olive, but that doesn't explain....
Why dad's such a pussy? says Unni. Long story. Shh! Tell you later. They're coming downstairs.
Pastor Moon and Charles Red-belly come downstairs, entwined like blood brothers.
Might set off tonight, dear, says the pastor. I'm all packed.
Have dinner first, says Unni. It's vegan.
I eat frogs and small mammals, says Charles hopefully. And other sna....oops, forget I said that.
Olive looks at Charles Red-belly appraisingly. Other snakes eh?
I love frogs, says Unni. So frogs are off the menu. But if you two hungry serpents go outside I'm sure there'll be plenty of fruit bats.
Olive and Charles go outside and establish themselves on the verandah close to drooping branches of trees.
Whizz! there goes a fruit bat.
Darling, says Charles. You missed it!
So did you, says Olive.
Never mind, says Charles.
You can always eat me, I suppose you are thinking, says Olive.
Charles rubs his red belly against her and kisses her lips.
Whizz! Another fruit bat flits by, unnoticed.
.......
Inside, Unni is throwing together a nice vegan dinner and giving her dad final instructions.
Go via Wagga Wagga, that's the quickest, says Unni. And when you get to Adelaide, drop the snakes off at Katherine's. You remember Katherine? Katherine Hume?
Pastor Moon remembers Katherine as a combative virago.
Yes dear, says Pastor Moon. How could I forget Katherine?
He sighs. Pats his soft leather suitcase, with the rebellious articles inside.
Crucifix pencils. Lurid Jesus.
Courage, Moon!
Take care of my ex-congregation, he says to his daughter.
Dad! says Unni. They so love me.
Don't I know it, says Pastor Moon.
Your dad's very kind, observes Olive.
Ha ha, says Unni. That's not it.
What then? asks Olive. Is he simple?
No, not that either, says Unni. Things used to be different round here. Before I met Arthur, and Sweezus..
I know Arthur and Sweezus, says Olive.
Yeah well, dad, says Unni, wasn't too happy with Sweezus. Thought he was shallow and that.
I suppose he is a bit shallow, says Olive. But harmless.
That's what dad thought, says Unni. Until Sweezus nicked money out of the collection box, to pay for a paddle.
Oh, says Olive. But isn't that what it was for?
For Sweezus? says Unni. No it wasn't. It was for the unfortunate.
Okay, says Olive, but that doesn't explain....
Why dad's such a pussy? says Unni. Long story. Shh! Tell you later. They're coming downstairs.
Pastor Moon and Charles Red-belly come downstairs, entwined like blood brothers.
Might set off tonight, dear, says the pastor. I'm all packed.
Have dinner first, says Unni. It's vegan.
I eat frogs and small mammals, says Charles hopefully. And other sna....oops, forget I said that.
Olive looks at Charles Red-belly appraisingly. Other snakes eh?
I love frogs, says Unni. So frogs are off the menu. But if you two hungry serpents go outside I'm sure there'll be plenty of fruit bats.
Olive and Charles go outside and establish themselves on the verandah close to drooping branches of trees.
Whizz! there goes a fruit bat.
Darling, says Charles. You missed it!
So did you, says Olive.
Never mind, says Charles.
You can always eat me, I suppose you are thinking, says Olive.
Charles rubs his red belly against her and kisses her lips.
Whizz! Another fruit bat flits by, unnoticed.
.......
Inside, Unni is throwing together a nice vegan dinner and giving her dad final instructions.
Go via Wagga Wagga, that's the quickest, says Unni. And when you get to Adelaide, drop the snakes off at Katherine's. You remember Katherine? Katherine Hume?
Pastor Moon remembers Katherine as a combative virago.
Yes dear, says Pastor Moon. How could I forget Katherine?
He sighs. Pats his soft leather suitcase, with the rebellious articles inside.
Crucifix pencils. Lurid Jesus.
Courage, Moon!
Take care of my ex-congregation, he says to his daughter.
Dad! says Unni. They so love me.
Don't I know it, says Pastor Moon.
Saturday, February 8, 2014
The Fate Of The Crucifix Pencils
What beautiful snakes, says Unni. And one of them isn't from here.
Oh, it's Olive! says mummy. Olive, I thought you were going home with Katherine.
So did I, grumbles Olive.
Hello Olive, says Unni. How do you know Katherine Hume?
I was in the Tour Down Under, says Olive.
I was in it last year, says Unni.
Stop this chit-chat, says Charles Red-belly. It's time we got going.
How can you? says Unni. Katherine's gone. Would you like me to help you?
Yes, they would.
Come with me, says Unni. To dad's place.
They follow her down the road.
Things are different these days at dad's place. Pastor Moon is not the despot he was.
Unni opens the door with her key.
Dad! calls Unni. Come down.
Pastor Moon emerges from his bedroom.
Yes dear? says Pastor Moon.
(What has happened to change things?)
Dad, says Unni. See these two snakes here?
Yes dear, says Pastor Moon.
I want you to drive them to Adelaide, says Unni. No pressure. Tomorrow will do.
All right dear, says Pastor Moon. I'll get ready.
He goes back upstairs.
Charles Red-belly is shocked at the pastor's unquestioning compliance.
He follows the pastor upstairs.
Now they are both in the bedroom. Clothes all over the floor. Open packets of biscuits. A lurid painting of Jesus. A jar of crucifix pencils.
You look like a man in crisis, says Charles Red-belly.
Ah, the crisis is over, says Pastor Moon, waving vaguely at his disarrayed property. The Kingdom has come and the Kingdom has gone. This is what's left.
Do you want my advice? asks Charles Red-belly. Get rid of that Jesus. And those pencils. They're depressing.
That's what SHE says, glooms Pastor Moon.
Oh does she? Charles rethinks his advice.
On second thoughts, says Charles Red-belly, why don't you pack them? As a little rebellion.
Pastor Moon hesitates, is tempted, and takes the advice of the snake.
Oh, it's Olive! says mummy. Olive, I thought you were going home with Katherine.
So did I, grumbles Olive.
Hello Olive, says Unni. How do you know Katherine Hume?
I was in the Tour Down Under, says Olive.
I was in it last year, says Unni.
Stop this chit-chat, says Charles Red-belly. It's time we got going.
How can you? says Unni. Katherine's gone. Would you like me to help you?
Yes, they would.
Come with me, says Unni. To dad's place.
They follow her down the road.
Things are different these days at dad's place. Pastor Moon is not the despot he was.
Unni opens the door with her key.
Dad! calls Unni. Come down.
Pastor Moon emerges from his bedroom.
Yes dear? says Pastor Moon.
(What has happened to change things?)
Dad, says Unni. See these two snakes here?
Yes dear, says Pastor Moon.
I want you to drive them to Adelaide, says Unni. No pressure. Tomorrow will do.
All right dear, says Pastor Moon. I'll get ready.
He goes back upstairs.
Charles Red-belly is shocked at the pastor's unquestioning compliance.
He follows the pastor upstairs.
Now they are both in the bedroom. Clothes all over the floor. Open packets of biscuits. A lurid painting of Jesus. A jar of crucifix pencils.
You look like a man in crisis, says Charles Red-belly.
Ah, the crisis is over, says Pastor Moon, waving vaguely at his disarrayed property. The Kingdom has come and the Kingdom has gone. This is what's left.
Do you want my advice? asks Charles Red-belly. Get rid of that Jesus. And those pencils. They're depressing.
That's what SHE says, glooms Pastor Moon.
Oh does she? Charles rethinks his advice.
On second thoughts, says Charles Red-belly, why don't you pack them? As a little rebellion.
Pastor Moon hesitates, is tempted, and takes the advice of the snake.
Friday, February 7, 2014
Identification Of Gases, Fear Of Snakes
Katherine is telling David and Vello how scientific Fish is.
Only four and a half, says Katherine. And would you believe it, after dinner he holds up an object and asks What is this gas?
And what was it? asks David.
Cheese, says Katherine.
What kind of cheese? asks Vello.
That is hardly the question, says David. What did you answer?
I found it difficult to answer, says Katherine. I'm no scientist.
I should say so, says Vello. A cheese is a solid.
Or a liquid, says David. If you melt it. But a gas?
The thing is, says Katherine. It must have gas in it.
The philosophers muse on this question.
For what otherwise, pursues Katherine, is the smell?
Clever little fellow, that Fish, says David. You too, mother.
Vello remains unconvinced.
..........
Olive Python and Charles Red-Belly are planning their journey.
What mode of travel do you prefer, my darling? asks Charles. Shank's pony?
I have only ever travelled by air, replies Olive Python. I flew here with Katherine by Virgin. Before that I flew with Lu Ban. He had a large butternut pumpkin.
Charles becomes instantly jealous.
And who may I ask is Lu Ban?
A Chinese carpenter immortal, says Olive. He rode in the Tour Down Under. I rode the last stage with him.
Charles calms down. His beloved is famous?
Dearest, says Charles. Who else do you know?
No one, says Olive. Only Arthur. Arthur Rimbaud. He's a rider as well. But he also writes poetry.
I think, dear, says Charles Red-belly, we should stop over in Adelaide. I should like to meet Arthur Rimbaud.
All right, says Olive. Let's go up to the house and find out when Katherine is leaving.
They slither up the stone steps to the house. Someone is knocking on the door.
Knock knock.
The door is opened by the children's mummy.
Unni Moon! says mummy.
Hi, says Unni, I came to say goodbye to Katherine.
Oh dear, says mummy. You've missed her. She left yesterday.
Olive Python looks at Charles Red-belly.
Charles Red-belly looks back at her.
Oh my goodness! cries mummy. Two horrible snakes!
Unni turns around slowly.
Only four and a half, says Katherine. And would you believe it, after dinner he holds up an object and asks What is this gas?
And what was it? asks David.
Cheese, says Katherine.
What kind of cheese? asks Vello.
That is hardly the question, says David. What did you answer?
I found it difficult to answer, says Katherine. I'm no scientist.
I should say so, says Vello. A cheese is a solid.
Or a liquid, says David. If you melt it. But a gas?
The thing is, says Katherine. It must have gas in it.
The philosophers muse on this question.
For what otherwise, pursues Katherine, is the smell?
Clever little fellow, that Fish, says David. You too, mother.
Vello remains unconvinced.
..........
Olive Python and Charles Red-Belly are planning their journey.
What mode of travel do you prefer, my darling? asks Charles. Shank's pony?
I have only ever travelled by air, replies Olive Python. I flew here with Katherine by Virgin. Before that I flew with Lu Ban. He had a large butternut pumpkin.
Charles becomes instantly jealous.
And who may I ask is Lu Ban?
A Chinese carpenter immortal, says Olive. He rode in the Tour Down Under. I rode the last stage with him.
Charles calms down. His beloved is famous?
Dearest, says Charles. Who else do you know?
No one, says Olive. Only Arthur. Arthur Rimbaud. He's a rider as well. But he also writes poetry.
I think, dear, says Charles Red-belly, we should stop over in Adelaide. I should like to meet Arthur Rimbaud.
All right, says Olive. Let's go up to the house and find out when Katherine is leaving.
They slither up the stone steps to the house. Someone is knocking on the door.
Knock knock.
The door is opened by the children's mummy.
Unni Moon! says mummy.
Hi, says Unni, I came to say goodbye to Katherine.
Oh dear, says mummy. You've missed her. She left yesterday.
Olive Python looks at Charles Red-belly.
Charles Red-belly looks back at her.
Oh my goodness! cries mummy. Two horrible snakes!
Unni turns around slowly.
Thursday, February 6, 2014
The Art Of Manipulation
Brummm. Katherine lies in bed, dreaming.
She's in Butterfly's room, playing with Butterfly and Fish, and multiple Barbies.
This one's a prince, says Butterfly. And this one's a baddie.
Why can't Ken be the prince? asks Katherine.
Fish brandishes Ken, with his shorts down.
No, says Butterfly. Ken's going camping with Barbie.
Here comes the beautiful baddie. She tries to get off with Ken.
Enter Prince Barbie, in a shiny blue suit with red sleeves.
Prince Barbie struggles with the beautiful baddie. The beautiful baddie goes down..
An arrow straight to the heart, says Butterfly, matter-of-factly.
Katherine is impressed with her grand daughter.
..........
Later that morning, at the Velosophy office...
Katherine enters.
Mother, says David. You're back. How was it?
Delightful, says Katherine. You really ought to have come.
Too much on, regrettably, says David. Otherwise I would have loved to.
Yes, yes, too much on, says Vello. The Richie Porte story went viral. Hello Katherine!
Hello Vello, says Katherine. I'm returning your book.
What book? says Vello. Paris Spleen? Looks like the cat got it.
Not the cat, says Katherine. Olive Python. She devoured it.
Glad somebody liked it, says David.
Vello is offended. A snake eats his book. No one cares.
........
Olive Python and and Charles Red-belly are now an item.
You could say that they are engaged.
Who would have thought? says Charles Red-belly.
I would, says Olive.
We must never part, says Charles.
You must come with me, says Olive.
So it is decided. They will travel to the Pilbara together.
Habitat be damned, thinks Charles Red-belly.
He will die there, thinks Olive.
How well she's absorbed Beaudelaire.
She's in Butterfly's room, playing with Butterfly and Fish, and multiple Barbies.
This one's a prince, says Butterfly. And this one's a baddie.
Why can't Ken be the prince? asks Katherine.
Fish brandishes Ken, with his shorts down.
No, says Butterfly. Ken's going camping with Barbie.
Here comes the beautiful baddie. She tries to get off with Ken.
Enter Prince Barbie, in a shiny blue suit with red sleeves.
Prince Barbie struggles with the beautiful baddie. The beautiful baddie goes down..
An arrow straight to the heart, says Butterfly, matter-of-factly.
Katherine is impressed with her grand daughter.
..........
Later that morning, at the Velosophy office...
Katherine enters.
Mother, says David. You're back. How was it?
Delightful, says Katherine. You really ought to have come.
Too much on, regrettably, says David. Otherwise I would have loved to.
Yes, yes, too much on, says Vello. The Richie Porte story went viral. Hello Katherine!
Hello Vello, says Katherine. I'm returning your book.
What book? says Vello. Paris Spleen? Looks like the cat got it.
Not the cat, says Katherine. Olive Python. She devoured it.
Glad somebody liked it, says David.
Vello is offended. A snake eats his book. No one cares.
........
Olive Python and and Charles Red-belly are now an item.
You could say that they are engaged.
Who would have thought? says Charles Red-belly.
I would, says Olive.
We must never part, says Charles.
You must come with me, says Olive.
So it is decided. They will travel to the Pilbara together.
Habitat be damned, thinks Charles Red-belly.
He will die there, thinks Olive.
How well she's absorbed Beaudelaire.
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
A Match Made In Heaven
Katherine has returned home, to discover the power is off.
She can't make a cup of tea. She can't look at her photos. She can't even phone David.
She opens the fridge and takes stock of what's in it. Not much.
Some Smart Juice and an apple.
She sits down at the kitchen table, and opens the ragged copy of Beaudelaire.
It reminds her of Olive.
Olive Python. How Olive had loved Beaudelaire.
Katherine turns the pages. Not many left since Olive devoured all her favourites.
It's getting dark. Still no power. And it's hot. Might as well go to bed.
Brummmm, a generator over the road is grinding horribly.
She closes the window, lies down again, turns over, dreams.......
........
......she is back in Blaxland with the children.
Fish shows her a book. It's called Tadpole to Frog.
If you flick through the pages, the tadpole appears to be growing.
Fish flicks the pages far too quickly.
Did you see it moving? says Fish.
No, says Katherine. It went too fast for me.
.........
Heard from Katherine? asks Vello, at dinner time.
No, says David. She was due back today, but......
But? says Vello.
She hasn't called me, says David. No doubt there's a reason.
I admire your sang-froid, says Vello.
That's not what it is, says David.
...........
Olive Python doesn't know Katherine has left Blaxland without her. She is down behind the swimming pool in a pile of leaves, hiding from Zoey, the cavoodle.
Rustle, rustle.
Eee!
Hello there, says a deep and manly snake voice.
Phew! says Olive Python. I thought you were a DOG!
A handsome red bellied black snake appears from under the fence line.
I am not a dog, says the red-bellied black snake. You must be new here.
I am new here, says Olive Python. I'm Olive Python. From the Pilbara.
Enchanté! says the red-bellied black snake. My name is Charles Red-belly.
Are you... French? asks Olive Python.
No, says Charles Red-belly. Why do you ask?
You said enchanté, says Olive Python. You're called Charles. Like Baudelaire.
You read Beaudelaire! says Charles Red-belly.
Not exactly, says Olive Python.
The Eyes of the Poor, says Charles, The Dog and the Scent Bottle......
Cake is my favourite, says Olive Python.
I like Cake too, agrees Charles. I read it as a cynical critique of famine.
Mmm, says Olive.
My dear Olive, says Charles. We are soulmates.
It looks like a match made in heaven.
She can't make a cup of tea. She can't look at her photos. She can't even phone David.
She opens the fridge and takes stock of what's in it. Not much.
Some Smart Juice and an apple.
She sits down at the kitchen table, and opens the ragged copy of Beaudelaire.
It reminds her of Olive.
Olive Python. How Olive had loved Beaudelaire.
Katherine turns the pages. Not many left since Olive devoured all her favourites.
It's getting dark. Still no power. And it's hot. Might as well go to bed.
Brummmm, a generator over the road is grinding horribly.
She closes the window, lies down again, turns over, dreams.......
........
......she is back in Blaxland with the children.
Fish shows her a book. It's called Tadpole to Frog.
If you flick through the pages, the tadpole appears to be growing.
Fish flicks the pages far too quickly.
Did you see it moving? says Fish.
No, says Katherine. It went too fast for me.
.........
Heard from Katherine? asks Vello, at dinner time.
No, says David. She was due back today, but......
But? says Vello.
She hasn't called me, says David. No doubt there's a reason.
I admire your sang-froid, says Vello.
That's not what it is, says David.
...........
Olive Python doesn't know Katherine has left Blaxland without her. She is down behind the swimming pool in a pile of leaves, hiding from Zoey, the cavoodle.
Rustle, rustle.
Eee!
Hello there, says a deep and manly snake voice.
Phew! says Olive Python. I thought you were a DOG!
A handsome red bellied black snake appears from under the fence line.
I am not a dog, says the red-bellied black snake. You must be new here.
I am new here, says Olive Python. I'm Olive Python. From the Pilbara.
Enchanté! says the red-bellied black snake. My name is Charles Red-belly.
Are you... French? asks Olive Python.
No, says Charles Red-belly. Why do you ask?
You said enchanté, says Olive Python. You're called Charles. Like Baudelaire.
You read Beaudelaire! says Charles Red-belly.
Not exactly, says Olive Python.
The Eyes of the Poor, says Charles, The Dog and the Scent Bottle......
Cake is my favourite, says Olive Python.
I like Cake too, agrees Charles. I read it as a cynical critique of famine.
Mmm, says Olive.
My dear Olive, says Charles. We are soulmates.
It looks like a match made in heaven.
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