It's too hot to go down to West Beach yet, so Ageless stops off at the library.
He goes to the section on sand crabs, and chooses a book.
He lugs it back to a table.
There is someone at the table.
This is my table, says Ageless.
'Tis my table now, says Robbie Burns. But we might share it.
Lift my book up, says Ageless.
Aye I will, says Robbie. What's this? Wee crabbies?
Sand crabbies, says Ageless. I'm boning up. Later this evening I'm going on a mission.
You don't say so? says Robbie. And what is this mission?
Never you mind, says Ageless. I don't know where your sympathies lie.
Try me, says Robbie.
No, says Ageless. Read your own bookie.
Are ye now making fun o' me ? asks Robbie. I don't have a bookie.
It is true. He does not have a bookie.
So why are you in here taking up a table? snaps Ageless.
'Tis forty degrees outside, says Robbie. That's no picnic.
True, says Ageless. But don't you stand under a tree?
The humidity gets me, says Robbie. This tight jacket, the high boots...
What high boots? asks Ageless.
Then he remembers. Robbie leaves his boots outside.
With the result that Robbie becomes instantly shorter.
Ageless feels sympathy for Robbie. A lobster has his problems too.
Sometimes, when moulting... but we won't go there. Not in the library.
Okay, says Ageless. Let's work together. What I need to know is, how do they eat?
Robbie flicks through the pages.
Sand crabbies eat by filtering small particles through the water.
That doesn't sound right, says Ageless. I would have thought they rooted for molluscs, worms and plankton.
Well, if you're no' going to abide by the words in the bookie.... says Robbie.
But I am, says Ageless. It's useful information. That must be how Gaius plans to meddle with their mortality.
How? asks Robbie.
By seeding the water with microplastics, says Ageless darkly.
By god! cries Robbie. We must stop him!
Friday, January 31, 2020
Thursday, January 30, 2020
Impervious Clam
Gaius and Sören Kierkegaard sit at the kitchen table, with two sharp knives
Before them is a bowl of microplastics, some of which are too long to fit the definition.
Ageless is the spotter.
Kobo the observer.
That one, says Ageless.
Which one? asks Gaius.
This one, says Kierkegaard. I see it.
He picks out the one that he thinks Ageless spotted.
That wasn't it, says Kobo.
It was close, says Ageless. Just like you and me, my voluptuous pumpkin,,,,
Don't start, says Kobo.
Kierkegaard cuts the curly plastic strip into shorter pieces, and tosses them back into the bowl.
I'm enjoying this, says Kierkegaard.
Really? says Gaius. Do you not think it tedious?
Not at all. I like a challenge, says Kierkegaard.
You see this as challenge? says Gaius.
To get the right size, says Kierkegaard.
It's not so hard, says Gaius. I visualise a sesame seed. That helps.
You see! says Kierkegaard. Every now and then, a new revelation!
Yes, says Gaius. I take it you have led a pretty uneventful life.
I have, says Kierkegaard. Whereas you, I imagine, have had one adventure after another.
I don't think of it quite like that, says Gaius. I dabble. Especially these days. But there have been exciting times. The Germanic Wars, for example.
Help! cries Kobo.
Ageless is embracing her tightly between his front claws.
Do we intervene? asks Kierkegaard.
No need, says Ageless. She is impervious.
Physically, says Kobo. But not emotionally.
I knew it! cries Ageless.
Even this is enlightening, says Kierkegaard.
I suppose it is, says Gaius. But I'm beginning to wish that we'd arranged to meet Ageless elsewhere.
Me too, says Kobo.
Where? asks Ageless. I'll go there right now, if I'm not wanted.
West Beach, at 2.15 am, says Gaius. We'll bring the rakes. Perhaps you could give any sand crabs you come across an idea of what's wanted.
You bet I will, says Ageless, dropping to the floor and making his way down the passage.
I didn't much like his tone, says Gaius.
Nor did I, says Kierkegaard. Do you think he'll cooperate?
We shall see, says Gaius. If he doesn't, we'll go to Saint Kilda.
Kierkegaard finds all this mildly thrilling.
Before them is a bowl of microplastics, some of which are too long to fit the definition.
Ageless is the spotter.
Kobo the observer.
That one, says Ageless.
Which one? asks Gaius.
This one, says Kierkegaard. I see it.
He picks out the one that he thinks Ageless spotted.
That wasn't it, says Kobo.
It was close, says Ageless. Just like you and me, my voluptuous pumpkin,,,,
Don't start, says Kobo.
Kierkegaard cuts the curly plastic strip into shorter pieces, and tosses them back into the bowl.
I'm enjoying this, says Kierkegaard.
Really? says Gaius. Do you not think it tedious?
Not at all. I like a challenge, says Kierkegaard.
You see this as challenge? says Gaius.
To get the right size, says Kierkegaard.
It's not so hard, says Gaius. I visualise a sesame seed. That helps.
You see! says Kierkegaard. Every now and then, a new revelation!
Yes, says Gaius. I take it you have led a pretty uneventful life.
I have, says Kierkegaard. Whereas you, I imagine, have had one adventure after another.
I don't think of it quite like that, says Gaius. I dabble. Especially these days. But there have been exciting times. The Germanic Wars, for example.
Help! cries Kobo.
Ageless is embracing her tightly between his front claws.
Do we intervene? asks Kierkegaard.
No need, says Ageless. She is impervious.
Physically, says Kobo. But not emotionally.
I knew it! cries Ageless.
Even this is enlightening, says Kierkegaard.
I suppose it is, says Gaius. But I'm beginning to wish that we'd arranged to meet Ageless elsewhere.
Me too, says Kobo.
Where? asks Ageless. I'll go there right now, if I'm not wanted.
West Beach, at 2.15 am, says Gaius. We'll bring the rakes. Perhaps you could give any sand crabs you come across an idea of what's wanted.
You bet I will, says Ageless, dropping to the floor and making his way down the passage.
I didn't much like his tone, says Gaius.
Nor did I, says Kierkegaard. Do you think he'll cooperate?
We shall see, says Gaius. If he doesn't, we'll go to Saint Kilda.
Kierkegaard finds all this mildly thrilling.
Wednesday, January 29, 2020
Immortal But
Ageless has arrived.
He has come on the bus.
Welcome Ageless! Come in, says Gaius.
Water, croaks Ageless.
Gaius fills a glass with water from the tap.
Where is my beloved? asks Ageless.
Here, says Kobo. That is, if you mean me.
See how she treats me, says Ageless. As if we weren't lovers.
Don't drink the water, says Kobo. It's hot.
I forgot, says Gaius. I'll get you some cold water from the fridge.
See how I well treat you, says Kobo.
My delicious creamy cream puff, says Ageless. Let me climb up and embrace you.....
Sören appears from the bathroom where he has been busy.
Will these do? asks Sören.
What are they? asks Gaius.
Home made microplastics, says Sören. I used a discarded plastic bottle and a razor blade that I found in a container under the sink.
Gaius inspects the home made microplastics.
Some are long and curly, others are short.
A good effort, says Gaius. But I should point out that you have increased the total number of microplastics in the environment unneccessarily.
Just saving time, says Sören.
Gaius lets that pass.
This is Ageless lobster, says Gaius. Ageless, meet Sören Kierkegaard.
Sören Kierkegaard! says Ageless. I have long admired your philosophical teachings.
Which ones in particular? asks Sören.
Life is best understood backwards, says Ageless. But it must be lived forwards.
And has it helped you? asks Sören.
Not me, says Ageless. We lobsters are immortal.
You don't say? says Kierkegaard. But I have eaten many a lobster.
Immortal in that our bodies regenerate ad infinitum, says Ageless. Of course there are always unexpected mishaps.
I see, says Kierkegaard. So you never look back on your life because you're immortal. And you can't look back if you die accidentally because then it's too late.
You do understand me, says Ageless.
So do I, says Kobo.
Now then, says Gaius, philosophy aside, does anyone know when the next low tide is? I thought we might try raking for sand crabs.
It's at 2.11 pm today, says Ageless. I don't recommend it. Too hot. Next one is at 2.15 tomorrow morning.
Drat this hot weather, says Gaius. But you're right Ageless. We need to consider the sand crabs' disposition.
Let us spend the rest of the day working on our microplastics, says Kierkegaard.
Yes, says Gaius. We'll start with the ones that are long and curly.
He has come on the bus.
Welcome Ageless! Come in, says Gaius.
Water, croaks Ageless.
Gaius fills a glass with water from the tap.
Where is my beloved? asks Ageless.
Here, says Kobo. That is, if you mean me.
See how she treats me, says Ageless. As if we weren't lovers.
Don't drink the water, says Kobo. It's hot.
I forgot, says Gaius. I'll get you some cold water from the fridge.
See how I well treat you, says Kobo.
My delicious creamy cream puff, says Ageless. Let me climb up and embrace you.....
Sören appears from the bathroom where he has been busy.
Will these do? asks Sören.
What are they? asks Gaius.
Home made microplastics, says Sören. I used a discarded plastic bottle and a razor blade that I found in a container under the sink.
Gaius inspects the home made microplastics.
Some are long and curly, others are short.
A good effort, says Gaius. But I should point out that you have increased the total number of microplastics in the environment unneccessarily.
Just saving time, says Sören.
Gaius lets that pass.
This is Ageless lobster, says Gaius. Ageless, meet Sören Kierkegaard.
Sören Kierkegaard! says Ageless. I have long admired your philosophical teachings.
Which ones in particular? asks Sören.
Life is best understood backwards, says Ageless. But it must be lived forwards.
And has it helped you? asks Sören.
Not me, says Ageless. We lobsters are immortal.
You don't say? says Kierkegaard. But I have eaten many a lobster.
Immortal in that our bodies regenerate ad infinitum, says Ageless. Of course there are always unexpected mishaps.
I see, says Kierkegaard. So you never look back on your life because you're immortal. And you can't look back if you die accidentally because then it's too late.
You do understand me, says Ageless.
So do I, says Kobo.
Now then, says Gaius, philosophy aside, does anyone know when the next low tide is? I thought we might try raking for sand crabs.
It's at 2.11 pm today, says Ageless. I don't recommend it. Too hot. Next one is at 2.15 tomorrow morning.
Drat this hot weather, says Gaius. But you're right Ageless. We need to consider the sand crabs' disposition.
Let us spend the rest of the day working on our microplastics, says Kierkegaard.
Yes, says Gaius. We'll start with the ones that are long and curly.
Tuesday, January 28, 2020
Permission To Affect Your Mortality
Gaius is in his kitchen, washing some dishes.
The food has rusted on.
Drat, says Gaius, scratching away at a brown encrustation with his thumbnail.
Let me help you, says Sören.
No, they just need to soak, says Gaius. They've been here since I left for Tasmania.
What were you doing there? asks Sören.
Counting forty-spotted pardalotes and swift parrots, says Gaius. I'll show you my notes. There's also a photograph of Arthur with a forty spotted pardalote in the background.
I'd like to see it, says Sören.
Gaius heads for his bedroom, where the notes are.
Sören picks at a dirty plate. What is it? HP Sauce? Bacon?
We haven't been introduced, says Kobo, from the window sill. I'm Kobo.
Where are you? asks Sören.
Here, says Kobo. The fossilised clam.
Sören Kierkegaard, says Sören. I'm to be Gaius's right hand man, temporarily.
I hope you'll be as reliable as Arthur, says Kobo.
I'll try to be, says Sören. We're going to do an experiment involving sand crabs and microplastics.
I'll contact Ageless, says Kobo. He's a crustacean. This is his field.
Good idea, says Gaius, returning with his notes. Ageless's help will prove invaluable.
Kobo and Ageless are on the same wavelength.
She contacts him now.
ageless, mmm?
what my beloved???,,,crick crick,,,
mmm...stop it! where are you?
at the state library beloved,,,,,,may i,,,,,,?
mmm....no.... what do you know about sand crabs?
they are unhappy, ever since that american study came out
i knew you would be up to speed with the issue....gaius wishes to see you
on my way dear heart,,,,,uh,,,,,crickcrick,,,,,ho!!
He's on his way, says Kobo. What's the process?
First, catch a few sand crabs, says Gaius.
How do we do that? asks Sören.
With crab nets, says Gaius. Then, I suppose we should get the sand crabs' permission...
For what? asks Sören We're not going to dissect them?
We're going to feed them low concentrations of microplastics, says Gaius.
Do we have any? asks Sören.
No, we must obtain a collection, says Gaius. I suppose we should do that first. Any fragment of plastic less than five millimetres in length will be suitable.
I'll look around the house, says Sören.
Wait! Here are my bird notes, says Gaius.
But Sören has disappeared into the bathroom.
Permission, Gaius? says Kobo. To do what exactly?
Feed them different doses, says Gaius, and see how it affects their mortality.
I'm shocked to think you would do that, says Kobo.
The sand crab is an indicator species, says Gaius.
Kobo remains shocked.
And she knows Ageless won't like it.
The food has rusted on.
Drat, says Gaius, scratching away at a brown encrustation with his thumbnail.
Let me help you, says Sören.
No, they just need to soak, says Gaius. They've been here since I left for Tasmania.
What were you doing there? asks Sören.
Counting forty-spotted pardalotes and swift parrots, says Gaius. I'll show you my notes. There's also a photograph of Arthur with a forty spotted pardalote in the background.
I'd like to see it, says Sören.
Gaius heads for his bedroom, where the notes are.
Sören picks at a dirty plate. What is it? HP Sauce? Bacon?
We haven't been introduced, says Kobo, from the window sill. I'm Kobo.
Where are you? asks Sören.
Here, says Kobo. The fossilised clam.
Sören Kierkegaard, says Sören. I'm to be Gaius's right hand man, temporarily.
I hope you'll be as reliable as Arthur, says Kobo.
I'll try to be, says Sören. We're going to do an experiment involving sand crabs and microplastics.
I'll contact Ageless, says Kobo. He's a crustacean. This is his field.
Good idea, says Gaius, returning with his notes. Ageless's help will prove invaluable.
Kobo and Ageless are on the same wavelength.
She contacts him now.
ageless, mmm?
what my beloved???,,,crick crick,,,
mmm...stop it! where are you?
at the state library beloved,,,,,,may i,,,,,,?
mmm....no.... what do you know about sand crabs?
they are unhappy, ever since that american study came out
i knew you would be up to speed with the issue....gaius wishes to see you
on my way dear heart,,,,,uh,,,,,crickcrick,,,,,ho!!
He's on his way, says Kobo. What's the process?
First, catch a few sand crabs, says Gaius.
How do we do that? asks Sören.
With crab nets, says Gaius. Then, I suppose we should get the sand crabs' permission...
For what? asks Sören We're not going to dissect them?
We're going to feed them low concentrations of microplastics, says Gaius.
Do we have any? asks Sören.
No, we must obtain a collection, says Gaius. I suppose we should do that first. Any fragment of plastic less than five millimetres in length will be suitable.
I'll look around the house, says Sören.
Wait! Here are my bird notes, says Gaius.
But Sören has disappeared into the bathroom.
Permission, Gaius? says Kobo. To do what exactly?
Feed them different doses, says Gaius, and see how it affects their mortality.
I'm shocked to think you would do that, says Kobo.
The sand crab is an indicator species, says Gaius.
Kobo remains shocked.
And she knows Ageless won't like it.
Monday, January 27, 2020
Curse Of Your Father
The Tour Down Under is over.
Vello has invited Team Condor to join Team Philosophe for pizza in the Velosophy office.
It's a small office. There isn't much room.
Terence is under the desk, with Jinjing and the Lucky.
Sweezus, Arthur and Philip are out on the stairs.
Well, this is nice, says David. Everyone eating pizza together with no hard feelings.
Even you, says Terence, to the Lucky. You must have soft feelings.
We should ditch the Lucky, says Jinjing.
You have hard feelings, says Terence.
But he thinks about ditching the Lucky.
What are your plans, now the race is over, Gaius? asks Vello.
I thought I would try an experiment involving sand crabs, says Gaius. I read in Science News that microplastics are affecting the sand crabs' mortality.
Is that so? says Vello, Anyone for another slice of this pizza?
It's not very popular, says David. It smells off. Perhaps it's the truffle.
He takes a slice anyway.
How fascinating, says Sören Kierkegaard. I'm concerned with mortality myself, given my circumstances. Will you be visiting local beaches?
I will, says Gaius. Perhaps you'd care to join me? Arthur is going surfing with Sweezus. I'll need a right hand man.
Accepted with pleasure, says Sören Kierkegaard.
What circumstances? asks David.
The curse of my father, says Kierkegaard. He believed all his seven children would die before him, due to some terrible unnamed sin he'd committed.
And did you? asks Vello.
No, replies Kierkegaard. Only five of us did. But it's enough to make you anxious.
I should say so, says David. But how is a study of the mortality of crabs related to the so-called curse of your father?
I'm quite sure it isn't, says Kierkegaard.
So am I, says Gaius. It's related to microplastics, in the sand and the ocean. The study I read about was conducted in Oregon, But we have sand crabs here.
Hey, says Sweezus, coming in from the staircase. Any more of that sundried tomato and salami one?
No, says Vello. Try this, It smells off but we think it's the truffle. David had some, and he's still upright.
Eeeurk! says David, lurching sideways.
But he is just clowning.
I hear you're off surfing, says Vello.
Me? says Sweezus. Yeah. Me and Arthur and Philip
Excellent! says Vello. You can combine business with pleasure. I want an article on Philip. Where is he?
On the stairs, says Sweezus. He might not want me to write it.
I'm sure you can convince him, says Vello.
He's head of the Danish TTF! says Sweezus. It's not like I can just...
But Vello has control over when Sweezus takes his holidays.
Bummer.
Vello has invited Team Condor to join Team Philosophe for pizza in the Velosophy office.
It's a small office. There isn't much room.
Terence is under the desk, with Jinjing and the Lucky.
Sweezus, Arthur and Philip are out on the stairs.
Well, this is nice, says David. Everyone eating pizza together with no hard feelings.
Even you, says Terence, to the Lucky. You must have soft feelings.
We should ditch the Lucky, says Jinjing.
You have hard feelings, says Terence.
But he thinks about ditching the Lucky.
What are your plans, now the race is over, Gaius? asks Vello.
I thought I would try an experiment involving sand crabs, says Gaius. I read in Science News that microplastics are affecting the sand crabs' mortality.
Is that so? says Vello, Anyone for another slice of this pizza?
It's not very popular, says David. It smells off. Perhaps it's the truffle.
He takes a slice anyway.
How fascinating, says Sören Kierkegaard. I'm concerned with mortality myself, given my circumstances. Will you be visiting local beaches?
I will, says Gaius. Perhaps you'd care to join me? Arthur is going surfing with Sweezus. I'll need a right hand man.
Accepted with pleasure, says Sören Kierkegaard.
What circumstances? asks David.
The curse of my father, says Kierkegaard. He believed all his seven children would die before him, due to some terrible unnamed sin he'd committed.
And did you? asks Vello.
No, replies Kierkegaard. Only five of us did. But it's enough to make you anxious.
I should say so, says David. But how is a study of the mortality of crabs related to the so-called curse of your father?
I'm quite sure it isn't, says Kierkegaard.
So am I, says Gaius. It's related to microplastics, in the sand and the ocean. The study I read about was conducted in Oregon, But we have sand crabs here.
Hey, says Sweezus, coming in from the staircase. Any more of that sundried tomato and salami one?
No, says Vello. Try this, It smells off but we think it's the truffle. David had some, and he's still upright.
Eeeurk! says David, lurching sideways.
But he is just clowning.
I hear you're off surfing, says Vello.
Me? says Sweezus. Yeah. Me and Arthur and Philip
Excellent! says Vello. You can combine business with pleasure. I want an article on Philip. Where is he?
On the stairs, says Sweezus. He might not want me to write it.
I'm sure you can convince him, says Vello.
He's head of the Danish TTF! says Sweezus. It's not like I can just...
But Vello has control over when Sweezus takes his holidays.
Bummer.
Sunday, January 26, 2020
Tour Down Under: Stage Six - Good To Go
The final stage. McLaren Vale to Willunga Hill.
The one Richie is focused on winning.
Terence stands with Belle, watching the start.
What's that you've got, Terence? asks Belle
The Lucky, says Terence. Sweezus found it.
It looks like a lizard, says Belle.
Does it? asks Terence. He washed it.
Give it here, says Belle.
She fashions it back into more of a duck shape.
Now it's good to go.
Bang! The race starts. The riders move off.
Team Philosophe has just about given up hope of winning.
Vello: Let's not knock ourselves out.
David: Agreed. As long as we finish.
Gaius: What if Andre Greipel said that?
Vello: What? Is he behind us?
Kierkegaard: No, he's up ahead somewhere, making a final good effort. As I intend to.
Gaius: Me too.
Vello: Off you go then.
Gaius and Kierkegaard speed up, feeling virtuous, which in some ways they are.
They draw level with Sweezus and Arthur.
I heard what happened to the Lucky, says Gaius.
Yeah, says Sweezus. It was in my jersey pocket all the time.
It's ruined, says Arthur. He's returned it to Terence.
Yeah, says Sweezus. No good to us now.
It never was, says Kierkegaard.
Might have been, says Sweezus.
Not from the moment you thought you'd lost it, says Kierkegaard, riding away.
Shit, says Sweezus. Maybe I should've kept it.
Or given it to Philip, says Arthur.
Sweezus is thoughtful. Yeah, we haven't made the best use of Philip.
At least you're here by your own efforts, says Gaius, speeding up and drawing away.
Smart dudes, him and Kierkegaard, says Sweezus.
Not that smart, says Arthur. They're peaking too soon.
This cheers Sweezus up.
When this is over he and Arthur should go down the coast somewhere, surfing. Maybe take Philip.
Fast forward to the finish.
Belle is there, with Terence and the Lucky, which now looks (again) like a duck.
Here comes Richie.
Looks like Richie'll win it, says Belle.
Boo! says Terence. Do your job, Lucky!
He waves the Lucky. Pulls its tail. Shouts Fu-wen! for good measure.
Wait! says Belle. Who's that coming up behind him?
Who? cries Terence. Is it Sweezus?
No chance, says Belle.
She is right. No chance. It's Matthew Holmes of team Lotto-Soudal.
Would you believe it? He passes Richie on Richie's favourite hill and wins the stage by three seconds.
Is Richie dejected? No he isn't.
He has won the 2020 Tour Down Under in the General Classification.
He is smiling and thanking his team.
Terence throws the Lucky onto the road.
A cyclist rides over it.
Again, it looks more like a lizard.
The one Richie is focused on winning.
Terence stands with Belle, watching the start.
What's that you've got, Terence? asks Belle
The Lucky, says Terence. Sweezus found it.
It looks like a lizard, says Belle.
Does it? asks Terence. He washed it.
Give it here, says Belle.
She fashions it back into more of a duck shape.
Now it's good to go.
Bang! The race starts. The riders move off.
Team Philosophe has just about given up hope of winning.
Vello: Let's not knock ourselves out.
David: Agreed. As long as we finish.
Gaius: What if Andre Greipel said that?
Vello: What? Is he behind us?
Kierkegaard: No, he's up ahead somewhere, making a final good effort. As I intend to.
Gaius: Me too.
Vello: Off you go then.
Gaius and Kierkegaard speed up, feeling virtuous, which in some ways they are.
They draw level with Sweezus and Arthur.
I heard what happened to the Lucky, says Gaius.
Yeah, says Sweezus. It was in my jersey pocket all the time.
It's ruined, says Arthur. He's returned it to Terence.
Yeah, says Sweezus. No good to us now.
It never was, says Kierkegaard.
Might have been, says Sweezus.
Not from the moment you thought you'd lost it, says Kierkegaard, riding away.
Shit, says Sweezus. Maybe I should've kept it.
Or given it to Philip, says Arthur.
Sweezus is thoughtful. Yeah, we haven't made the best use of Philip.
At least you're here by your own efforts, says Gaius, speeding up and drawing away.
Smart dudes, him and Kierkegaard, says Sweezus.
Not that smart, says Arthur. They're peaking too soon.
This cheers Sweezus up.
When this is over he and Arthur should go down the coast somewhere, surfing. Maybe take Philip.
Fast forward to the finish.
Belle is there, with Terence and the Lucky, which now looks (again) like a duck.
Here comes Richie.
Looks like Richie'll win it, says Belle.
Boo! says Terence. Do your job, Lucky!
He waves the Lucky. Pulls its tail. Shouts Fu-wen! for good measure.
Wait! says Belle. Who's that coming up behind him?
Who? cries Terence. Is it Sweezus?
No chance, says Belle.
She is right. No chance. It's Matthew Holmes of team Lotto-Soudal.
Would you believe it? He passes Richie on Richie's favourite hill and wins the stage by three seconds.
Is Richie dejected? No he isn't.
He has won the 2020 Tour Down Under in the General Classification.
He is smiling and thanking his team.
Terence throws the Lucky onto the road.
A cyclist rides over it.
Again, it looks more like a lizard.
Saturday, January 25, 2020
Tour Down Under: Stage Five - Prescient
Glenelg to Victor Harbour. A flat stage, with only one hill.
Team Condor has spent most of last night talking tactics.
And washing their kit.
This is what happened:
After four days I reckon I should rinse out my jersey, says Sweezus.
Do mine as well, says Arthur.
Okay, says Sweezus. Want yours washed, Philip?
Ja, tak, says Philip.
So Sweezus throws the three jerseys into the washing machine, and they sit down to wait, eating protein balls and peanuts, drinking water, and talking race tactics.
I'm not worried about Richie, says Sweezus. He's focused on Sunday.
Who then? asks Philip Norgaard.
Impey, Bennett, Ewan, says Sweezus.
Nizzolo? says Arthur.
Why Nizzolo? asks Sweezus.
Don't worry, says Philip. I'll get you in a perfect position.
Ding! Clunk! The washing machine stops at this moment.
Sweezus pulls out the jerseys.
They can dry on the backs of our chairs, says Sweezus. Lean forward.
Arthur and Philip lean forward.
Now we can't lean back, says Arthur. Let's go out for a beer.
Wait a tick, says Sweezus. There's something in the back pouch of my jersey.
He pulls out a sorry wet thing.
We can all guess what that is. The Lucky!
And it's ruined. It looks more like a malevolent two pupil-eyed lizard than a duck.
......
So today, even though Sweezus has recovered his Lucky, he does not win points.
Not for intermediate sprints, nor for King of the Mountain.
And the stage winner is Giacomo Nizzolo
No one expected that.
Team Condor has spent most of last night talking tactics.
And washing their kit.
This is what happened:
After four days I reckon I should rinse out my jersey, says Sweezus.
Do mine as well, says Arthur.
Okay, says Sweezus. Want yours washed, Philip?
Ja, tak, says Philip.
So Sweezus throws the three jerseys into the washing machine, and they sit down to wait, eating protein balls and peanuts, drinking water, and talking race tactics.
I'm not worried about Richie, says Sweezus. He's focused on Sunday.
Who then? asks Philip Norgaard.
Impey, Bennett, Ewan, says Sweezus.
Nizzolo? says Arthur.
Why Nizzolo? asks Sweezus.
Don't worry, says Philip. I'll get you in a perfect position.
Ding! Clunk! The washing machine stops at this moment.
Sweezus pulls out the jerseys.
They can dry on the backs of our chairs, says Sweezus. Lean forward.
Arthur and Philip lean forward.
Now we can't lean back, says Arthur. Let's go out for a beer.
Wait a tick, says Sweezus. There's something in the back pouch of my jersey.
He pulls out a sorry wet thing.
We can all guess what that is. The Lucky!
And it's ruined. It looks more like a malevolent two pupil-eyed lizard than a duck.
......
So today, even though Sweezus has recovered his Lucky, he does not win points.
Not for intermediate sprints, nor for King of the Mountain.
And the stage winner is Giacomo Nizzolo
No one expected that.
Friday, January 24, 2020
Tour Down Under: Norwood to Murray Bridge - Wet Lucky
Before the race. Norwood.
Terence runs up to Sweezus.
Did you find it?
Not yet, says Sweezus. Let's hope it turns up by Sunday.
Someone's got it, says Terence. I'll do a Fu-wen.
You do that, says Sweezus.
Fu-wen! shouts Terence.
Jinjing flies up quickly.
Oi! Who's that for?
The robber, says Terence.
It's not for robbers, says Jinjing. Only demons.
Too bad, says Sweezus. Anyhow, I'd better get going.
Bang! The race rolls out of Norwood.
Helicopters buzz overhead. Some people don't even hear them, they are so busy, but most people do.
The teams cycle through the Adelaide Hills.
Team Philosophe take their ease at the back of the peloton.
Kierkegaard is extolling the benefits of walking.
I have walked myself into my finest ideas, says he.
Have you? says David. What are they?
Life can only be understood backwards, says Kierkegaard. But it must be lived forwards.
I've heard that before, says Vello.
Of course you have, says Kierkegaard. It just proves my point.
Were you walking backwards when you said it? asks Gaius.
What? says Kierkegaard. No, I don't think so. In fact I know so. What made you ask?
I was jesting, says Gaius.
Ah! Backwards. Ha ha, laughs Kierkegaard.
David reaches into his pouch and brings out four Power Bars.
Team Philsophe fuel up on Power Bars, and get seriously moving.
The hills are behind the teams now; they are riding towards Murray Bridge.
Richie is struggling with the crosswinds.
Hmm. So he is probably not the one with the Lucky.
But he maintains his overall lead.
So maybe he is.
On the other hand, Caleb Ewan wins, in a thrilling finish.
Could it be that blue thumb which he got when he grabbed the wet Lucky?
Although surely the blue smear has been washed off by now.
One thing's for sure.
Sweezus doesn't have it.
Terence runs up to Sweezus.
Did you find it?
Not yet, says Sweezus. Let's hope it turns up by Sunday.
Someone's got it, says Terence. I'll do a Fu-wen.
You do that, says Sweezus.
Fu-wen! shouts Terence.
Jinjing flies up quickly.
Oi! Who's that for?
The robber, says Terence.
It's not for robbers, says Jinjing. Only demons.
Too bad, says Sweezus. Anyhow, I'd better get going.
Bang! The race rolls out of Norwood.
Helicopters buzz overhead. Some people don't even hear them, they are so busy, but most people do.
The teams cycle through the Adelaide Hills.
Team Philosophe take their ease at the back of the peloton.
Kierkegaard is extolling the benefits of walking.
I have walked myself into my finest ideas, says he.
Have you? says David. What are they?
Life can only be understood backwards, says Kierkegaard. But it must be lived forwards.
I've heard that before, says Vello.
Of course you have, says Kierkegaard. It just proves my point.
Were you walking backwards when you said it? asks Gaius.
What? says Kierkegaard. No, I don't think so. In fact I know so. What made you ask?
I was jesting, says Gaius.
Ah! Backwards. Ha ha, laughs Kierkegaard.
David reaches into his pouch and brings out four Power Bars.
Team Philsophe fuel up on Power Bars, and get seriously moving.
The hills are behind the teams now; they are riding towards Murray Bridge.
Richie is struggling with the crosswinds.
Hmm. So he is probably not the one with the Lucky.
But he maintains his overall lead.
So maybe he is.
On the other hand, Caleb Ewan wins, in a thrilling finish.
Could it be that blue thumb which he got when he grabbed the wet Lucky?
Although surely the blue smear has been washed off by now.
One thing's for sure.
Sweezus doesn't have it.
Thursday, January 23, 2020
Tour Down Under: Stage Three - Only For Clowns
Unley to Paracombe.
Another fine day.
Bang! The teams move off ..... and so on.
Terence stands at the roadside, with Jinjing.
Belle is somewhere nearby, buying coffee and a bun, which is good for the local economy.
Terence: Keep an eye out for clowns.
Jinjing: There are no clowns round here.
Terence: They can pop up behind you.
Jinjing: What do they look like?
Terence: Big red laughing mouth, with a little mouth inside.
Jinjing: Squawk! What's the little mouth for?
Terence: Biting.
Jinjing: Don't worry. I'll protect you.
Terence: How?
Jinjing: With an incantation. You watch the race while I come up with something.
Terence watches the race, confident that he will soon be protected from clowns.
Belle comes back with a takeaway coffee and bun.
How's the race going? asks Belle.
Gone past already, says Terence.
Who was winning? asks Belle.
Sweezus, says Terence.
We should move up to Paracombe, says Belle. That's where it'll finish. What's the matter? Seen any clowns?
NO! says Terence. I'm getting a cantation.
That's lovely, says Belle. Shall we go now?
They go.
Here we are at the final hill finish.
Trek-Segafredo has attacked. Richie Porte is ahead.
He wins by five seconds.
So much for what he said yesterday.
Sweezus comes up to see Belle.
Sweezus: Never trust Richie. He said he was focused on Sunday.
Belle: Well, today he was lucky.
Terence: I've got a cantation.
Sweezus: What's that little buddy?
Terence: It makes clowns go away. Fu-wen! Jinjing taught me.
Fu-wen, says Sweezus. Is it only for clowns?
Another fine day.
Bang! The teams move off ..... and so on.
Terence stands at the roadside, with Jinjing.
Belle is somewhere nearby, buying coffee and a bun, which is good for the local economy.
Terence: Keep an eye out for clowns.
Jinjing: There are no clowns round here.
Terence: They can pop up behind you.
Jinjing: What do they look like?
Terence: Big red laughing mouth, with a little mouth inside.
Jinjing: Squawk! What's the little mouth for?
Terence: Biting.
Jinjing: Don't worry. I'll protect you.
Terence: How?
Jinjing: With an incantation. You watch the race while I come up with something.
Terence watches the race, confident that he will soon be protected from clowns.
Belle comes back with a takeaway coffee and bun.
How's the race going? asks Belle.
Gone past already, says Terence.
Who was winning? asks Belle.
Sweezus, says Terence.
We should move up to Paracombe, says Belle. That's where it'll finish. What's the matter? Seen any clowns?
NO! says Terence. I'm getting a cantation.
That's lovely, says Belle. Shall we go now?
They go.
Here we are at the final hill finish.
Trek-Segafredo has attacked. Richie Porte is ahead.
He wins by five seconds.
So much for what he said yesterday.
Sweezus comes up to see Belle.
Sweezus: Never trust Richie. He said he was focused on Sunday.
Belle: Well, today he was lucky.
Terence: I've got a cantation.
Sweezus: What's that little buddy?
Terence: It makes clowns go away. Fu-wen! Jinjing taught me.
Fu-wen, says Sweezus. Is it only for clowns?
Wednesday, January 22, 2020
Tour Down Under: Stage Two - Whatever
Woodside to Stirling.
Bang! Off they go, past cheering people, towards a burnt landscape.
Do we have a plan this morning? asks Gaius.
Just the usual, says Vello. Keep moving forward.
A better plan, says Gaius. Yesterday we lost focus.
We did, says David. All that talk about fishing. And then Sören dropped back and got lost.
I was not lost, says Kierkegaard. I was following instructions, eavesdropping.
And you heard nothing, says Vello. After realising your task was unproductive, you should have made your way forward.
Do it or don't do it, mutters Kierkegaard. You'll regret it.
I know, says Vello. Lead David out. It's time you and he did something useful.
I say! says David. Thanks, Vello.
Kierkegaard leads David out. They draw level with Daryl Impey.
Hey guys, says Impey. Found your Lucky?
It wasn't our Lucky, says David. It was Team Condor's Lucky.
That so? says Daryl Impey. You guys don't have a Lucky?
Anyone could have it, says Kierkegaard.
Meaning? asks Impey.
But Kierkegaard won't be drawn further.
Daryl Impey speeds off. Maybe one of his team members has it. If so, HE should have it.
That was good, says David. Anyone could have it. You're mastering race tactics.
Kierkegaard is pleased, even though he had just said the obvious.
Sweezus catches up with Richie Porte.
Richie! How's it going?
Good, says Richie. I'm kind of focused on Stage Six next Sunday.
Me too, says Sweezus.
Heard you lost your Lucky, says Richie.
Yeah, says Sweezus.
Nice jersey, says Richie.
Same one as last year, says Sweezus. Colours of a tree frog.
I remember, says Richie.
They go on to speak about tree frogs, until Richie drops back, to focus even more on next Sunday
At the finish in Stirling, Caleb Ewan pips Daryl Impey who pips Nathan Haas..
So we may conclude whatever, regarding the Lucky.
Bang! Off they go, past cheering people, towards a burnt landscape.
Do we have a plan this morning? asks Gaius.
Just the usual, says Vello. Keep moving forward.
A better plan, says Gaius. Yesterday we lost focus.
We did, says David. All that talk about fishing. And then Sören dropped back and got lost.
I was not lost, says Kierkegaard. I was following instructions, eavesdropping.
And you heard nothing, says Vello. After realising your task was unproductive, you should have made your way forward.
Do it or don't do it, mutters Kierkegaard. You'll regret it.
I know, says Vello. Lead David out. It's time you and he did something useful.
I say! says David. Thanks, Vello.
Kierkegaard leads David out. They draw level with Daryl Impey.
Hey guys, says Impey. Found your Lucky?
It wasn't our Lucky, says David. It was Team Condor's Lucky.
That so? says Daryl Impey. You guys don't have a Lucky?
Anyone could have it, says Kierkegaard.
Meaning? asks Impey.
But Kierkegaard won't be drawn further.
Daryl Impey speeds off. Maybe one of his team members has it. If so, HE should have it.
That was good, says David. Anyone could have it. You're mastering race tactics.
Kierkegaard is pleased, even though he had just said the obvious.
Sweezus catches up with Richie Porte.
Richie! How's it going?
Good, says Richie. I'm kind of focused on Stage Six next Sunday.
Me too, says Sweezus.
Heard you lost your Lucky, says Richie.
Yeah, says Sweezus.
Nice jersey, says Richie.
Same one as last year, says Sweezus. Colours of a tree frog.
I remember, says Richie.
They go on to speak about tree frogs, until Richie drops back, to focus even more on next Sunday
At the finish in Stirling, Caleb Ewan pips Daryl Impey who pips Nathan Haas..
So we may conclude whatever, regarding the Lucky.
Tuesday, January 21, 2020
Tour Down Under: Stage One - Tactics
Tanunda to Tanunda.
Five circuits.
This is good for the local businesses in Tanunda.
Maybe one of them has the Lucky?
But no. That is unlikely.
Bang! The race starts (in Tanunda).
Team Condor gets away fast.
So do the others.
Now there's nothing to look at.
Terence is watching, with Belle.
This is boring! says Terence.
Already? says Belle. Okay, let's get a red drink from somewhere.
They go off to look for café.
Team Philosophe is confident, and it's nice that the weather is fine.
Kierkegaard: This is pleasant. I may take it up as a hobby.
David: It's a fine hobby. Good for the circulation.
Vello: Yes, it's rather like fishing.
Kierkegaard: What do you mean?
Vello: Contemplative, or it can be.
David: But fishing is not so good for the circulation.
Vello: Depends what sort of fishing. Deep sea adventure fishing, reeling in a big one.....takes some effort.
David: Then it's not contemplative. I was thinking more of sitting beside a bubbling brook.
Gaius: Shouldn't we be trying to keep up with the others?
Vello: Curses! Of course we should. Ride on, men!
They pedal like the clappers, and soon catch up with some riders from UniSA.
Team UniSA stop talking as Team Philosophe passes, but not before Kierkegaard, who has sharp ears, overhears the word LUCKY.
Kierkegaard: What did you say was the name of the missing talisman?
Gaius: The Lucky. Why?
Kierkegaard: They were just talking about it.
Vello: Aha! Drop back, will you, and listen.
Kierkegaard drops back, as instructed.
He hears nothing more, and is soon passed by some Belgians.
Sweezus, Philip Norgaard and Arthur are at the front of the peloton. They are coming up to Breakneck Hill.
Lead me out now! says Sweezus.
It's too late, says Arthur. You should've gone earlier.
(When to make your move. Tactics).
I'll do it, says Philip Norgaard. If there's one thing I've learned in the TTF it's this: it's never too late to do anything.
He leads Sweezus out.
It's too late, though.
Sweezus does not win King of the Mountain. KOM is Jarrad Drizners, Team UniSA.
......
After five circuits, there is another indication of who might have the Lucky.
The stage winner is Sam Bennett, of Team Deceuninck Quick-Step.
A Belgian team, although Sam is Irish.
Five circuits.
This is good for the local businesses in Tanunda.
Maybe one of them has the Lucky?
But no. That is unlikely.
Bang! The race starts (in Tanunda).
Team Condor gets away fast.
So do the others.
Now there's nothing to look at.
Terence is watching, with Belle.
This is boring! says Terence.
Already? says Belle. Okay, let's get a red drink from somewhere.
They go off to look for café.
Team Philosophe is confident, and it's nice that the weather is fine.
Kierkegaard: This is pleasant. I may take it up as a hobby.
David: It's a fine hobby. Good for the circulation.
Vello: Yes, it's rather like fishing.
Kierkegaard: What do you mean?
Vello: Contemplative, or it can be.
David: But fishing is not so good for the circulation.
Vello: Depends what sort of fishing. Deep sea adventure fishing, reeling in a big one.....takes some effort.
David: Then it's not contemplative. I was thinking more of sitting beside a bubbling brook.
Gaius: Shouldn't we be trying to keep up with the others?
Vello: Curses! Of course we should. Ride on, men!
They pedal like the clappers, and soon catch up with some riders from UniSA.
Team UniSA stop talking as Team Philosophe passes, but not before Kierkegaard, who has sharp ears, overhears the word LUCKY.
Kierkegaard: What did you say was the name of the missing talisman?
Gaius: The Lucky. Why?
Kierkegaard: They were just talking about it.
Vello: Aha! Drop back, will you, and listen.
Kierkegaard drops back, as instructed.
He hears nothing more, and is soon passed by some Belgians.
Sweezus, Philip Norgaard and Arthur are at the front of the peloton. They are coming up to Breakneck Hill.
Lead me out now! says Sweezus.
It's too late, says Arthur. You should've gone earlier.
(When to make your move. Tactics).
I'll do it, says Philip Norgaard. If there's one thing I've learned in the TTF it's this: it's never too late to do anything.
He leads Sweezus out.
It's too late, though.
Sweezus does not win King of the Mountain. KOM is Jarrad Drizners, Team UniSA.
......
After five circuits, there is another indication of who might have the Lucky.
The stage winner is Sam Bennett, of Team Deceuninck Quick-Step.
A Belgian team, although Sam is Irish.
Monday, January 20, 2020
Two Malevolent Dots
The middle of the night.
Gaius's shed, in his back garden.
Torchlight.
The Lucky lies on a plank of wood, inanimate.
Gaius wipes the eye of the Lucky with turpentine. Sweezus dries it.
Can I do the painting? asks Terence.
No, says Gaius. You can keep watch, with Philip.
What for? asks Terence.
Illyrians, says Gaius.
Wicked, says Sweezus. What are Illyrians?
They can bewitch with a glare, says Gaius. Kill, if they stare longer.
Bullshit! says Sweezus. No kidding?
They have two pupils in each eye, says Gaius. That's where their power comes from.
Let's see! says Terence.
Not yet, says Gaius.
He stirs the blue paint that Jinjing obtained earlier from Bunnings.
He paints a blue eye ring on the Lucky.
He mixes a little black with the blue paint to make it darker.
He paints another blue ring around the first ring.
Now for the pupils.
With pure black on the tip of his paint brush, he paints two malevolent black dots.
One. Two.
Now look, Terence, says Sweezus.
Terence and Philip stop keeping watch for Illyrians and re-enter the shed.
Let it dry first, says Gaius.
Terence is itching to touch it, but doesn't.
You'll win tomorrow, says Terence.
Hope so, says Sweezus.
I probably shouldn't have done this, says Gaius. After all, we're rivals.
You're a historian first, says Sweezus. And don't think I don't appreciate it.
What does that mean? asks Terence.
But no grown up answers. They are thinking about the likelihood of altering the future by means of a talisman.
Pretty unlikely. And it's late. They should all be in bed now.
.......
Caleb Ewan wins the Criterium on Sunday, proving nothing.
Sweezus's performance is average, proving the same.
.......
Monday: no racing, but Lucky's evil eye has dried hard as a marble.
Tuesday: Stage one, Tanunda to Tanunda. Lucky is missing....
Gaius's shed, in his back garden.
Torchlight.
The Lucky lies on a plank of wood, inanimate.
Gaius wipes the eye of the Lucky with turpentine. Sweezus dries it.
Can I do the painting? asks Terence.
No, says Gaius. You can keep watch, with Philip.
What for? asks Terence.
Illyrians, says Gaius.
Wicked, says Sweezus. What are Illyrians?
They can bewitch with a glare, says Gaius. Kill, if they stare longer.
Bullshit! says Sweezus. No kidding?
They have two pupils in each eye, says Gaius. That's where their power comes from.
Let's see! says Terence.
Not yet, says Gaius.
He stirs the blue paint that Jinjing obtained earlier from Bunnings.
He paints a blue eye ring on the Lucky.
He mixes a little black with the blue paint to make it darker.
He paints another blue ring around the first ring.
Now for the pupils.
With pure black on the tip of his paint brush, he paints two malevolent black dots.
One. Two.
Now look, Terence, says Sweezus.
Terence and Philip stop keeping watch for Illyrians and re-enter the shed.
Let it dry first, says Gaius.
Terence is itching to touch it, but doesn't.
You'll win tomorrow, says Terence.
Hope so, says Sweezus.
I probably shouldn't have done this, says Gaius. After all, we're rivals.
You're a historian first, says Sweezus. And don't think I don't appreciate it.
What does that mean? asks Terence.
But no grown up answers. They are thinking about the likelihood of altering the future by means of a talisman.
Pretty unlikely. And it's late. They should all be in bed now.
.......
Caleb Ewan wins the Criterium on Sunday, proving nothing.
Sweezus's performance is average, proving the same.
.......
Monday: no racing, but Lucky's evil eye has dried hard as a marble.
Tuesday: Stage one, Tanunda to Tanunda. Lucky is missing....
Sunday, January 19, 2020
How Did I Get Into This World?
Tour Village. The Team Presentation.
Team Philosophe is presented in the middle of proceedings, after Team Condor.
Vello: Good crowd here tonight.
David: They'll be here for the free concert.
Sören: I'm going to mingle.
Vello: A la Socrates.
Sören: Ha! If you say so.
He wanders off to mingle.
Sweezus: Good crowd here tonight.
David: They're here for the free concert.
Sweezus: Yeah, the Veronicas. Not my scene though.
Philip Norgaard: What is your scene?
Sweezus: K-pop.
Philip Norgaard: Ah yes, we like K-pop in Denmark.
Gaius: Terence is popular tonight.
Philip: Is he? Yes. Excuse me. I'll just check this out.
He dashes off, to where Terence is in the midst of Team Lotto-Soudal, showing them his Lucky.
Thomas de Gendt: But is it a true Lucky?
Terence: It is now.
Caleb Ewan: May I hold it?
Terence: It's not dry!
Too late. Caleb Ewan now has the print of a lucky blue eye on his thumb.
Terence: Wah! It's ruined!
Philip Norgaard: Let's see. Not ruined. It can be wiped and reconfigured. Come with me, Terence.
Team Lotto- Soudal melts away.
Philip leads Terence back to his companions.
Sweezus: What's up little buddy?
Terence: Your Lucky got ruined!
Gaius: Let me have a look. Nothing a dab of turpentine and two shades of blue paint and one of black can't put right.
Sweezus: That sounds complicated.
Gaius: A traditional Evil Eye.
Vello: To turn malevolent glares back on the malevolent glarer. That's what true luck is!
Terence: Yay! An Evil Eye! Let's get painting.
Sweezus: Okay. Anything to avoid the Veronicas.
Philip: I'll come with you.
Gaius, Sweezus, Philip and Terence leave, with a mission.
Sören Kierkegaard returns.
Sören Kierkegaard: How did I get into this world? Everyone asks about the Lucky. I do not know the Lucky. One of the riders with whom I mingled showed me a lucky blue eye on his thumb. Others crowded around him. They seemed to think he would win the Criterium tomorrow.
Vello: Curses! Who is it?
Sören Kierkegaard: The one called Caleb Ewan.
Now there's a prediction. Caleb Ewan to win the Criterium Street Circuit on Sunday. Let's see if he does it.
Team Philosophe is presented in the middle of proceedings, after Team Condor.
Vello: Good crowd here tonight.
David: They'll be here for the free concert.
Sören: I'm going to mingle.
Vello: A la Socrates.
Sören: Ha! If you say so.
He wanders off to mingle.
Sweezus: Good crowd here tonight.
David: They're here for the free concert.
Sweezus: Yeah, the Veronicas. Not my scene though.
Philip Norgaard: What is your scene?
Sweezus: K-pop.
Philip Norgaard: Ah yes, we like K-pop in Denmark.
Gaius: Terence is popular tonight.
Philip: Is he? Yes. Excuse me. I'll just check this out.
He dashes off, to where Terence is in the midst of Team Lotto-Soudal, showing them his Lucky.
Thomas de Gendt: But is it a true Lucky?
Terence: It is now.
Caleb Ewan: May I hold it?
Terence: It's not dry!
Too late. Caleb Ewan now has the print of a lucky blue eye on his thumb.
Terence: Wah! It's ruined!
Philip Norgaard: Let's see. Not ruined. It can be wiped and reconfigured. Come with me, Terence.
Team Lotto- Soudal melts away.
Philip leads Terence back to his companions.
Sweezus: What's up little buddy?
Terence: Your Lucky got ruined!
Gaius: Let me have a look. Nothing a dab of turpentine and two shades of blue paint and one of black can't put right.
Sweezus: That sounds complicated.
Gaius: A traditional Evil Eye.
Vello: To turn malevolent glares back on the malevolent glarer. That's what true luck is!
Terence: Yay! An Evil Eye! Let's get painting.
Sweezus: Okay. Anything to avoid the Veronicas.
Philip: I'll come with you.
Gaius, Sweezus, Philip and Terence leave, with a mission.
Sören Kierkegaard returns.
Sören Kierkegaard: How did I get into this world? Everyone asks about the Lucky. I do not know the Lucky. One of the riders with whom I mingled showed me a lucky blue eye on his thumb. Others crowded around him. They seemed to think he would win the Criterium tomorrow.
Vello: Curses! Who is it?
Sören Kierkegaard: The one called Caleb Ewan.
Now there's a prediction. Caleb Ewan to win the Criterium Street Circuit on Sunday. Let's see if he does it.
Saturday, January 18, 2020
A Look At The Not-Lucky-Lucky
Terence explains about Lucky's blue eye.
The Team Ineos rider is now convinced the Lucky is not lucky.
What to do now?
After all, he has kidnapped a minor.
But he has not kidnapped him far.
Just to the end of the jetty.
Go back to the café, says the Team Ineos rider. And don't tell anyone this happened.
I won't, says Terence. Lucky won't either.
Satisfied, the Team Ineos rider melts away to tell his team captain they made their move too early.
Terence plods back to the café.
Jinjing is waiting outside.
He is talking to someone from Team Bora-Hansgrohe.
(Not Peter Sagan)
That's unlucky, Jinjing is saying.
Not necessarily says Jay McCarthy. There's a lot of hoo-haa goes on around Peter Sagan. It can be distracting.
I wouldn't know, says Jinjing.
Well, I'm off, good luck finding your Lucky, says Jay McCarthy.
It's not him, it's ....Terence! there you are! cries Jinjing.
Jay McCarthy is about to wheel his bicycle away, but turns, hoping for a look at the Lucky.
Where were you? asks Jinjing, You were supposed to wait in the café.
I went to the end of the jetty, says Terence. I didn't want to.
That makes no sense, says Jinjing.
Bad luck, says Terence. That's all I'm saying.
Jay McCarthy wheels off, thinking: if that little dude's got the Lucky, it's not working.
Why?
Okay, let's follow his thinking.
Why would anyone go to the end of the jetty unwillingly? Only because he was made to. If he was made to he would have said so. He didn't say so. Therefore something is wrong with the Lucky. Conclusion: Team Bora-Hansgrohe can do without it.
His thinking is wrong; he never envisaged a kidnap.
He heads off, to get one more long ride in, before tonight's Team Presentation in the Tour Village, featuring the lovely Veronicas.
The Team Ineos rider is now convinced the Lucky is not lucky.
What to do now?
After all, he has kidnapped a minor.
But he has not kidnapped him far.
Just to the end of the jetty.
Go back to the café, says the Team Ineos rider. And don't tell anyone this happened.
I won't, says Terence. Lucky won't either.
Satisfied, the Team Ineos rider melts away to tell his team captain they made their move too early.
Terence plods back to the café.
Jinjing is waiting outside.
He is talking to someone from Team Bora-Hansgrohe.
(Not Peter Sagan)
That's unlucky, Jinjing is saying.
Not necessarily says Jay McCarthy. There's a lot of hoo-haa goes on around Peter Sagan. It can be distracting.
I wouldn't know, says Jinjing.
Well, I'm off, good luck finding your Lucky, says Jay McCarthy.
It's not him, it's ....Terence! there you are! cries Jinjing.
Jay McCarthy is about to wheel his bicycle away, but turns, hoping for a look at the Lucky.
Where were you? asks Jinjing, You were supposed to wait in the café.
I went to the end of the jetty, says Terence. I didn't want to.
That makes no sense, says Jinjing.
Bad luck, says Terence. That's all I'm saying.
Jay McCarthy wheels off, thinking: if that little dude's got the Lucky, it's not working.
Why?
Okay, let's follow his thinking.
Why would anyone go to the end of the jetty unwillingly? Only because he was made to. If he was made to he would have said so. He didn't say so. Therefore something is wrong with the Lucky. Conclusion: Team Bora-Hansgrohe can do without it.
His thinking is wrong; he never envisaged a kidnap.
He heads off, to get one more long ride in, before tonight's Team Presentation in the Tour Village, featuring the lovely Veronicas.
Friday, January 17, 2020
Why Is Nothing Straightforward?
Terence has crumbled his cupcake.
He has red icing smears on his shorts.
He leans on the table and pokes at Lucky.
Lucky tips sideways.
Now you can't see his eye.
Blue paint's coming, says Terence. Then you'll really be Lucky.
Time ticks by.
.....
Jinjing is the only one free to meet Terence.
Jinjing is glad of the task.
He stops first at Bunnings to pick up the blue paint.
Bunnings doesn't normally sell paint to parrots.
Jinjing can't find an assistant.
He flies round the Bunnings, until he locates the paint.
At the far end of the stacks of large and medium paint tins, he spots the tiny paint tins for touch ups and models.
He selects a blue one.
How to transport it to Henley?
It doesn't have a handle.
He'll have to carry the whole tin in his beak; flying will be awkward.
He flies out of the store without paying Bunnings.
It's the least they can do.
......
When he gets to Cibo's in Henley, Terence and Lucky have gone.
He goes to the counter.
Was there an infant here, waiting to be picked up?
Maybe. What did he look like?
Cement curls, a toe bandage, gecko shorts, a broken finger, and a duck with one eye made of duct tape.
Yes, he was here. But someone came to get him.
Squawk! What did they look like?
It was one of the cyclists.
(This could be good news or bad news).
Which one?
......
Terence has been kidnapped.
The cyclist (who shall not be named) was from Team Ineos.
He has taken Terence to the far end of the jetty.
Now! says the not-named Team Ineos rider. Where is that Lucky?
Here, says Terence. Bur he's not lucky.
I've heard different, says the not-named rider.
He's GOING to be lucky, says Terence. Right now he's unlucky.
How's that? asks the not-named rider, thinking bugger, why is nothing straightforward?
He has red icing smears on his shorts.
He leans on the table and pokes at Lucky.
Lucky tips sideways.
Now you can't see his eye.
Blue paint's coming, says Terence. Then you'll really be Lucky.
Time ticks by.
.....
Jinjing is the only one free to meet Terence.
Jinjing is glad of the task.
He stops first at Bunnings to pick up the blue paint.
Bunnings doesn't normally sell paint to parrots.
Jinjing can't find an assistant.
He flies round the Bunnings, until he locates the paint.
At the far end of the stacks of large and medium paint tins, he spots the tiny paint tins for touch ups and models.
He selects a blue one.
How to transport it to Henley?
It doesn't have a handle.
He'll have to carry the whole tin in his beak; flying will be awkward.
He flies out of the store without paying Bunnings.
It's the least they can do.
......
When he gets to Cibo's in Henley, Terence and Lucky have gone.
He goes to the counter.
Was there an infant here, waiting to be picked up?
Maybe. What did he look like?
Cement curls, a toe bandage, gecko shorts, a broken finger, and a duck with one eye made of duct tape.
Yes, he was here. But someone came to get him.
Squawk! What did they look like?
It was one of the cyclists.
(This could be good news or bad news).
Which one?
......
Terence has been kidnapped.
The cyclist (who shall not be named) was from Team Ineos.
He has taken Terence to the far end of the jetty.
Now! says the not-named Team Ineos rider. Where is that Lucky?
Here, says Terence. Bur he's not lucky.
I've heard different, says the not-named rider.
He's GOING to be lucky, says Terence. Right now he's unlucky.
How's that? asks the not-named rider, thinking bugger, why is nothing straightforward?
Thursday, January 16, 2020
Otherwise Unscathed
Philip comes back.
Did you get my blue paint? asks Terence.
Nej, sorry, says Philip. I was checking up on that Israel team. To see where they were heading.
You don't have to do that, says Sweezus.
You don't know me, says Philip.
Okay, says Sweezus. No worries. Let's finish our coffee and get going. We'll ride to Noarlunga.
What about Terence? asks Arthur.
What about my blue paint? asks Terence.
Sweezus is the team captain. It's his problem to resolve.
How about you wait here in the café until Gaius comes to get you? says Sweezus. I'll call him.
By myself? says Terence. Yay! Can I have a cupcake?
Sure, says Sweezus. And you can choose it.
Terence runs over to the counter to choose himself a cupcake.
Sweezus calls Gaius.
Yes? says Gaius. What is it?
Could you come and get Terence? says Sweezus. We're at Cibo's in Henley.
Why can't he come home with you? asks Gaius.
We're not coming home yet, says Sweezus. Arthur, me and Philip need to bond as a team.
That's all very well, says Gaius, but so do we. Vello, David, Sören and I are about to ride from Woodside to Stirling. Can't Terence stay with you?
Nah, says Sweezus. He's choosing a cupcake and he's excited. What about Belle?
Watching the women's race, says Gaius. Don't worry. I'll send someone.
Cool, says Sweezus. Tell them to bring some blue paint.
Terence comes back having chosen a Neapolitan cupcake with red icing, but not having paid for it.
Money! says Terence.
Philip gives him five dollars.
Terence goes back to pay for the cup cake, and returns with it, on a small plate.
Okay, says Sweezus. Gaius is sending someone.
Who? asks Terence.
Dunno. And they're bringing blue paint.
Yippee! says Terence. Give me Lucky.
So Terence is left in the café, with Inanimate Lucky, and a Neapolitan cup cake, waiting for someone to turn up with blue paint,
This may seem irresponsible, until one remembers that Terence has been on his own before, when he travelled to Melbourne with Grandpa Marx for the Marxist Conference, and got lost, and met a group of ill-intentioned people, who stole his hat but left him otherwise unscathed.
Did you get my blue paint? asks Terence.
Nej, sorry, says Philip. I was checking up on that Israel team. To see where they were heading.
You don't have to do that, says Sweezus.
You don't know me, says Philip.
Okay, says Sweezus. No worries. Let's finish our coffee and get going. We'll ride to Noarlunga.
What about Terence? asks Arthur.
What about my blue paint? asks Terence.
Sweezus is the team captain. It's his problem to resolve.
How about you wait here in the café until Gaius comes to get you? says Sweezus. I'll call him.
By myself? says Terence. Yay! Can I have a cupcake?
Sure, says Sweezus. And you can choose it.
Terence runs over to the counter to choose himself a cupcake.
Sweezus calls Gaius.
Yes? says Gaius. What is it?
Could you come and get Terence? says Sweezus. We're at Cibo's in Henley.
Why can't he come home with you? asks Gaius.
We're not coming home yet, says Sweezus. Arthur, me and Philip need to bond as a team.
That's all very well, says Gaius, but so do we. Vello, David, Sören and I are about to ride from Woodside to Stirling. Can't Terence stay with you?
Nah, says Sweezus. He's choosing a cupcake and he's excited. What about Belle?
Watching the women's race, says Gaius. Don't worry. I'll send someone.
Cool, says Sweezus. Tell them to bring some blue paint.
Terence comes back having chosen a Neapolitan cupcake with red icing, but not having paid for it.
Money! says Terence.
Philip gives him five dollars.
Terence goes back to pay for the cup cake, and returns with it, on a small plate.
Okay, says Sweezus. Gaius is sending someone.
Who? asks Terence.
Dunno. And they're bringing blue paint.
Yippee! says Terence. Give me Lucky.
So Terence is left in the café, with Inanimate Lucky, and a Neapolitan cup cake, waiting for someone to turn up with blue paint,
This may seem irresponsible, until one remembers that Terence has been on his own before, when he travelled to Melbourne with Grandpa Marx for the Marxist Conference, and got lost, and met a group of ill-intentioned people, who stole his hat but left him otherwise unscathed.
Wednesday, January 15, 2020
Adapt To The Time Zone
Cibo's, Henley Square.
Arthur is late.
No, he isn't.
He's talking to a group of cyclists at the far end.
He spots Sweezus and comes over.
Hey bro, says Sweezus. This is Philip Norgaard, our new rider. Philip, this is Arthur.
Nice to meet you, says Philip.
I gave Sweezus a duck, says Terence. It's not lucky yet.
Not so loud, says Arthur. Café's have ears.
What about eyes? asks Terence.
Eyes too, says Arthur, noting Philip's.
Philip's eyes are checking out the room.
Who are those guys? asks Philip.
André Greipel's new team, says Arthur. Israel Start Up. They were asking about our new rider.
What did you tell them? asks Philip.
That you were a ring in, says Arthur.
Good, says Philip. Okay. Looks like they're leaving.
Indeed, Team Israel Start Up is leaving.
They pass Sweezus's table.
Hallo Sweezus, says André Greipel, eyeing Philip.
Hi, says Sweezus. You guys are here early.
We wish to adapt to the time zone, says André, And do some higher training and recon.
Good on you, says Sweezus.
André is looking at the Inanimate Duck, which is lying on the table next to Sweezus's espresso.
He is about to say something.
Sweezus stuffs the Inanimate Duck into the ovoid drinks pouch at the back of his jersey.
Don't hurt Lucky! cries Terence.
All of Team Israel Start Up's ears prick up when they hear the name Lucky.
They leave, muttering to one another.
Fuck, says Sweezus. That's how rumours start.
Philip dashes off after team Israel Start Up, without finishing his coffee.
Is he going to get the blue paint? asks Terence.
What blue paint? asks Arthur.
Sweezus fills him in on the issue.
Arthur is late.
No, he isn't.
He's talking to a group of cyclists at the far end.
He spots Sweezus and comes over.
Hey bro, says Sweezus. This is Philip Norgaard, our new rider. Philip, this is Arthur.
Nice to meet you, says Philip.
I gave Sweezus a duck, says Terence. It's not lucky yet.
Not so loud, says Arthur. Café's have ears.
What about eyes? asks Terence.
Eyes too, says Arthur, noting Philip's.
Philip's eyes are checking out the room.
Who are those guys? asks Philip.
André Greipel's new team, says Arthur. Israel Start Up. They were asking about our new rider.
What did you tell them? asks Philip.
That you were a ring in, says Arthur.
Good, says Philip. Okay. Looks like they're leaving.
Indeed, Team Israel Start Up is leaving.
They pass Sweezus's table.
Hallo Sweezus, says André Greipel, eyeing Philip.
Hi, says Sweezus. You guys are here early.
We wish to adapt to the time zone, says André, And do some higher training and recon.
Good on you, says Sweezus.
André is looking at the Inanimate Duck, which is lying on the table next to Sweezus's espresso.
He is about to say something.
Sweezus stuffs the Inanimate Duck into the ovoid drinks pouch at the back of his jersey.
Don't hurt Lucky! cries Terence.
All of Team Israel Start Up's ears prick up when they hear the name Lucky.
They leave, muttering to one another.
Fuck, says Sweezus. That's how rumours start.
Philip dashes off after team Israel Start Up, without finishing his coffee.
Is he going to get the blue paint? asks Terence.
What blue paint? asks Arthur.
Sweezus fills him in on the issue.
Tuesday, January 14, 2020
Ever Heard Of Paint?
That's a really cool present, says Sweezus. Thanks, buddy. What is it?
A duck, says Terence. See the beak at the corner?
Yeah, says Sweezus. And this is the tail.
No, says Terence. That's his eye, THIS is the tail, in the middle.
Where's the other eye? asks Sweezus.
He hasn't got one, says Terence.
Okay, says Sweezus. Is it lucky?
Having one eye? says Terence. I don't think so.
Apart from that, I bet it's lucky, says Sweezus. I'll wear it in the race.
You can't wear a duck, says Terence.
You did, Terence, says Katherine. On your toes, remember? That's why you liked it.
That was before, says Terence.
Sweezus regrets having mentioned the missing eye.
A single eye can be lucky, says Philip Norgaard. If it's a blue one.
It isn't blue, says Terence.
Ever heard of paint? asks Philip.
Terence brightens.
Philip can paint the eye blue! And Terence will help him.
Coming to lunch with us, little buddy? asks Sweezus. We're meeting Arthur at one.
Terence is excited.
Things are going his way.
Sweezus, Philip and Terence go down the stairs, leaving David, Vello, Katherine and Jinjing in the office.
That Philip seems nice, says Katherine.
Yes, says David. He was very good with Terence. Ever heard of paint?
They all laugh except for Jinjing, who is unhappy that he was not invited to lunch to meet Arthur.
Or even to rustle up paint.
A duck, says Terence. See the beak at the corner?
Yeah, says Sweezus. And this is the tail.
No, says Terence. That's his eye, THIS is the tail, in the middle.
Where's the other eye? asks Sweezus.
He hasn't got one, says Terence.
Okay, says Sweezus. Is it lucky?
Having one eye? says Terence. I don't think so.
Apart from that, I bet it's lucky, says Sweezus. I'll wear it in the race.
You can't wear a duck, says Terence.
You did, Terence, says Katherine. On your toes, remember? That's why you liked it.
That was before, says Terence.
Sweezus regrets having mentioned the missing eye.
A single eye can be lucky, says Philip Norgaard. If it's a blue one.
It isn't blue, says Terence.
Ever heard of paint? asks Philip.
Terence brightens.
Philip can paint the eye blue! And Terence will help him.
Coming to lunch with us, little buddy? asks Sweezus. We're meeting Arthur at one.
Terence is excited.
Things are going his way.
Sweezus, Philip and Terence go down the stairs, leaving David, Vello, Katherine and Jinjing in the office.
That Philip seems nice, says Katherine.
Yes, says David. He was very good with Terence. Ever heard of paint?
They all laugh except for Jinjing, who is unhappy that he was not invited to lunch to meet Arthur.
Or even to rustle up paint.
Monday, January 13, 2020
The Inanimate Duck
Vello has finished tinkering with the Kierkegaard interview.
He shows it to David.
Very nice, says David. Are you sure they had bikes in those days?
A velocipede, says Vello. I should add that.
I like what he said to his mother, says David. To dare is to lose one's footing momentarily. Did he really say that?
He could have, says Vello.
He could have! says David. So this is all fiction. You should be careful.
He won't mind, says Vello. I guarantee it.
But he never mentions his mother, says David.
Here's the first case of it, says Vello.
Just then who should enter the office, but Katherine, with Terence and Jinjing.
Hello mother, says David. How was the trip to Tasmania?
Delightful, says Katherine. Here is some cheese for you. And here is Terence, who has a bandaged foot, not to mention a duck and a parrot.
Hello Terence, says David. My goodness! What happened?
EVERYTHING! says Terence. My end of the dinghy went up. Then I crashed down onto Captain Bruni, And two toes broke off. And Arthur got nails and a hammer. And Jinjing couldn't find the fish glue, so Gaius used duck tape and then Margaret ripped it off and she was going to throw it away but it looked like a duck so I kept it.
He shows it to David.
It does look a bit like a duck.
If the duck was grey and inanimate, and had a fibrous hem, instead of feathers.
Now Sweezus comes in, followed by Philip.
Terence runs up to Sweezus and embraces his legs.
Hey little buddy, says Sweezus. What have you got there?
This is for you, says Terence, handing Sweezus the duck.
He shows it to David.
Very nice, says David. Are you sure they had bikes in those days?
A velocipede, says Vello. I should add that.
I like what he said to his mother, says David. To dare is to lose one's footing momentarily. Did he really say that?
He could have, says Vello.
He could have! says David. So this is all fiction. You should be careful.
He won't mind, says Vello. I guarantee it.
But he never mentions his mother, says David.
Here's the first case of it, says Vello.
Just then who should enter the office, but Katherine, with Terence and Jinjing.
Hello mother, says David. How was the trip to Tasmania?
Delightful, says Katherine. Here is some cheese for you. And here is Terence, who has a bandaged foot, not to mention a duck and a parrot.
Hello Terence, says David. My goodness! What happened?
EVERYTHING! says Terence. My end of the dinghy went up. Then I crashed down onto Captain Bruni, And two toes broke off. And Arthur got nails and a hammer. And Jinjing couldn't find the fish glue, so Gaius used duck tape and then Margaret ripped it off and she was going to throw it away but it looked like a duck so I kept it.
He shows it to David.
It does look a bit like a duck.
If the duck was grey and inanimate, and had a fibrous hem, instead of feathers.
Now Sweezus comes in, followed by Philip.
Terence runs up to Sweezus and embraces his legs.
Hey little buddy, says Sweezus. What have you got there?
This is for you, says Terence, handing Sweezus the duck.
Sunday, January 12, 2020
Best Backwards
Vello returns to the office.
Sweezus is there, with Philip Norgaard.
They are eating protein balls and laughing.
Something funny? asks Vello.
Nothing, says Sweezus.
It's the interview with Sören Kierkegaard, explains Philip Norgaard. It's so typical.
He didn't give us much to go on, says Vello.
Exactly, says Philip. He loves to make difficulties.
Not any more, says Vello. I'm going to come up with some inventive additions.
Philip looks at Sweezus.
Sweezus shrugs. We should get going.
Yes, says Philip. Nice to meet you, Monsieur Voltaire.
Call me Vello, says Vello. And you are?
Philip Norgaard, says Philip. You may have heard of me.
No I haven't, says Vello. Have you won races in Denmark?
He's head of the TTF, says Sweezus.
Philip looks enigmatic.
......
Sweezus and Philip leave the office. Belle enters.
What's TTF? asks Vello.
Hush, says Belle. He may be undercover.
Hmm, says Vello. In a high profile bike race? Odd place to be undercover.
Have a Danish pastry, says Belle.
......
Sweezus and Philip are cycling to McLaren Vale on the Coast to Vines trail.
They see two riders ahead of them, going slower and slower.
Sweezus and Philip catch up.
Gaius and Sören are glad of a reason to stop.
Phew! says Gaius. I've been lazing about too much on Bruny Island. I'm not as fit as I should be. And Sören is finding it hard.
Yeah, says Sweezus. You older guys.....good for you though.
Hej, Sören, says Philip.
Hej, Philip, says Sören. You probably didn't expect to see me here.
Nej, says Philip. You should be at the top of Willunga Hill by now.
We all should be, says Sweezus. Let's get going.
The four of them start to pedal combatively.
Philip gets there first. Sweezus second. Gaius third. Soren last.
But Soren doesn't mind this, because life is best understood backwards.
Sweezus is there, with Philip Norgaard.
They are eating protein balls and laughing.
Something funny? asks Vello.
Nothing, says Sweezus.
It's the interview with Sören Kierkegaard, explains Philip Norgaard. It's so typical.
He didn't give us much to go on, says Vello.
Exactly, says Philip. He loves to make difficulties.
Not any more, says Vello. I'm going to come up with some inventive additions.
Philip looks at Sweezus.
Sweezus shrugs. We should get going.
Yes, says Philip. Nice to meet you, Monsieur Voltaire.
Call me Vello, says Vello. And you are?
Philip Norgaard, says Philip. You may have heard of me.
No I haven't, says Vello. Have you won races in Denmark?
He's head of the TTF, says Sweezus.
Philip looks enigmatic.
......
Sweezus and Philip leave the office. Belle enters.
What's TTF? asks Vello.
Hush, says Belle. He may be undercover.
Hmm, says Vello. In a high profile bike race? Odd place to be undercover.
Have a Danish pastry, says Belle.
......
Sweezus and Philip are cycling to McLaren Vale on the Coast to Vines trail.
They see two riders ahead of them, going slower and slower.
Sweezus and Philip catch up.
Gaius and Sören are glad of a reason to stop.
Phew! says Gaius. I've been lazing about too much on Bruny Island. I'm not as fit as I should be. And Sören is finding it hard.
Yeah, says Sweezus. You older guys.....good for you though.
Hej, Sören, says Philip.
Hej, Philip, says Sören. You probably didn't expect to see me here.
Nej, says Philip. You should be at the top of Willunga Hill by now.
We all should be, says Sweezus. Let's get going.
The four of them start to pedal combatively.
Philip gets there first. Sweezus second. Gaius third. Soren last.
But Soren doesn't mind this, because life is best understood backwards.
Saturday, January 11, 2020
Do It Or Don't Do It
Gaius has arrived home.
Dumped his back pack.
Gone out the back to examine his bicycle.
Wiped off a few cobwebs.
Called Vello.
Gaius! says Vello. Are you back?
Yes, says Gaius.
Well, isn't that lucky, says Vello. We're in Norwood about to order a coffee. Shall we come round?
Err, no, says Gaius. I'll meet you in Norwood. Where are you?
Buongiorno's, says Vello. What would you like?
Just a water, says Gaius.
Good. See you shortly, says Vello.
Is he coming? asks David.
Yes, he's coming, says Vello.
I'm looking forward to meeting this Gaius, says Sören Kierkegaard. Is he a philosopher?
No, says Vello. He isn't. He's a natural historian. He's been on Bruny Island, spotting difficult birds.
Ten minutes later the natural historian arrives.
Greetings, all, says Gaius. Excuse the cobwebs.
I don't see any cobwebs, says Vello.
Yes, look there, says David. Cobwebs on his back spokes.
I got most of them, says Gaius. I could have spent longer, but didn't.
Do it or don't do it, says Kierkegaard. You will regret both.
That's a fine saying, says Gaius.
It's idiotic, says Vello.
It's one of my best ones, says Sören.
It suits a number of circumstances, says David.
Sören looks grateful.
Indeed, says Gaius. Well, what's our race plan?
Now that you're here, says Vello, we thought you might go with Sören and do Willy Hill.
Certainly, says Gaius. And what will you do?
Wait for your report on his strengths and weaknesses, says Vello. I also have an article to finish. Sweezus didn't learn much when he interviewed Sören.
I thought it best to be cagey, says Sören.
Probably was, says Vello. Anyway, I'll be making the rest of it up.
Gaius looks at Sören.
Surely a philospher of such standing will not allow a fellow philosopher of equal standing to make anything up in that manner?
But Sören seems unperturbed.
Gaius swallows his water.
Shall we go then? asks Gaius. I for one resolve not to regret it
Ha ha, laughs Sören.
Dumped his back pack.
Gone out the back to examine his bicycle.
Wiped off a few cobwebs.
Called Vello.
Gaius! says Vello. Are you back?
Yes, says Gaius.
Well, isn't that lucky, says Vello. We're in Norwood about to order a coffee. Shall we come round?
Err, no, says Gaius. I'll meet you in Norwood. Where are you?
Buongiorno's, says Vello. What would you like?
Just a water, says Gaius.
Good. See you shortly, says Vello.
Is he coming? asks David.
Yes, he's coming, says Vello.
I'm looking forward to meeting this Gaius, says Sören Kierkegaard. Is he a philosopher?
No, says Vello. He isn't. He's a natural historian. He's been on Bruny Island, spotting difficult birds.
Ten minutes later the natural historian arrives.
Greetings, all, says Gaius. Excuse the cobwebs.
I don't see any cobwebs, says Vello.
Yes, look there, says David. Cobwebs on his back spokes.
I got most of them, says Gaius. I could have spent longer, but didn't.
Do it or don't do it, says Kierkegaard. You will regret both.
That's a fine saying, says Gaius.
It's idiotic, says Vello.
It's one of my best ones, says Sören.
It suits a number of circumstances, says David.
Sören looks grateful.
Indeed, says Gaius. Well, what's our race plan?
Now that you're here, says Vello, we thought you might go with Sören and do Willy Hill.
Certainly, says Gaius. And what will you do?
Wait for your report on his strengths and weaknesses, says Vello. I also have an article to finish. Sweezus didn't learn much when he interviewed Sören.
I thought it best to be cagey, says Sören.
Probably was, says Vello. Anyway, I'll be making the rest of it up.
Gaius looks at Sören.
Surely a philospher of such standing will not allow a fellow philosopher of equal standing to make anything up in that manner?
But Sören seems unperturbed.
Gaius swallows his water.
Shall we go then? asks Gaius. I for one resolve not to regret it
Ha ha, laughs Sören.
Friday, January 10, 2020
Or Kierkegaard Owes Him A Favour
Jinjing lands on the pontoon, beside P. krameri.
Any luck with the fish glue? asks P. krameri.
Alas no, says Jinjing. I'm ashamed of my failure.
You tried, says P. krameri. Anyway, Gaius and Arthur have gone now, and the ladies won't countenance fish glue.
That cheers me, says Jinjing. Are we to go back with the ladies?
You are, says P. krameri. I shall remain in Tasmania, looking for Spotty
Have you told Terence? asks Jinjing.
Not yet, says P. krameri. Will you break the news for me?
All right, says Jinjing. I'll go below now. Wait! Do I smell awful?
Yes, awful, says P. krameri. Have a dip first.
Jinjing dives into the water, to wash off the smell of the bin that contained old curled up sausages and dog poo, but no fish glue.
.......
Gaius and Arthur are cycling from Kettering to Hobart, free of Terence.
Pity about that fish glue, says Gaius.
You can always make a new batch, says Arthur.
Indeed, says Gaius. I may try a new recipe. Bitumen, bark pitch and bull grease, with soot added. But there'll be time for that when the race is over. Any news about the new team members?
Kierkegaard is confirmed for your team, says Arthur.
Marvellous! says Gaius. Team Philosophe has a real chance this year.
Sweezus doesn't think so, says Arthur.
He would say that, says Gaius. But Kierkegaard is surely a big gun. Vello must have shelled out a great deal of money.
Or Kierkegaard owes him a favour, says Arthur.
What about Team Condor? asks Gaius. Who's your new man?
Another Dane, says Arthur.
Fuglsang? Asgreen? Valgren? probes Gaius.
But Arthur doesn't know.
.....
Meanwhile, in Adelaide. The Velosophy office.
Belle bursts in.
Where is he?
Not here yet, says Sweezus.
Do you think he'd like Danish pastries? asks Belle.
No, says Sweezus. Protein balls, if anything. He'll be a health freak. And mineral water, not coffee.
Shit, says Belle. I already bought Danish pastries.
Vello and David'll eat them, says Sweezus.
Belle heads for the door, which opens to reveal Team Condor's new team member....Philip Norgaard!
Hej, I'm late, sorry, says Philip.
Any luck with the fish glue? asks P. krameri.
Alas no, says Jinjing. I'm ashamed of my failure.
You tried, says P. krameri. Anyway, Gaius and Arthur have gone now, and the ladies won't countenance fish glue.
That cheers me, says Jinjing. Are we to go back with the ladies?
You are, says P. krameri. I shall remain in Tasmania, looking for Spotty
Have you told Terence? asks Jinjing.
Not yet, says P. krameri. Will you break the news for me?
All right, says Jinjing. I'll go below now. Wait! Do I smell awful?
Yes, awful, says P. krameri. Have a dip first.
Jinjing dives into the water, to wash off the smell of the bin that contained old curled up sausages and dog poo, but no fish glue.
.......
Gaius and Arthur are cycling from Kettering to Hobart, free of Terence.
Pity about that fish glue, says Gaius.
You can always make a new batch, says Arthur.
Indeed, says Gaius. I may try a new recipe. Bitumen, bark pitch and bull grease, with soot added. But there'll be time for that when the race is over. Any news about the new team members?
Kierkegaard is confirmed for your team, says Arthur.
Marvellous! says Gaius. Team Philosophe has a real chance this year.
Sweezus doesn't think so, says Arthur.
He would say that, says Gaius. But Kierkegaard is surely a big gun. Vello must have shelled out a great deal of money.
Or Kierkegaard owes him a favour, says Arthur.
What about Team Condor? asks Gaius. Who's your new man?
Another Dane, says Arthur.
Fuglsang? Asgreen? Valgren? probes Gaius.
But Arthur doesn't know.
.....
Meanwhile, in Adelaide. The Velosophy office.
Belle bursts in.
Where is he?
Not here yet, says Sweezus.
Do you think he'd like Danish pastries? asks Belle.
No, says Sweezus. Protein balls, if anything. He'll be a health freak. And mineral water, not coffee.
Shit, says Belle. I already bought Danish pastries.
Vello and David'll eat them, says Sweezus.
Belle heads for the door, which opens to reveal Team Condor's new team member....Philip Norgaard!
Hej, I'm late, sorry, says Philip.
Thursday, January 9, 2020
The Sound Of A Legend
Katherine and Margaret step on board the Esperance.
Welcome dear ladies, says Captain Bruni. You'll find your friends below decks, in the galley.
Good, says Margaret. We've brought toe bandages for Terence. How is he?
In fine form, says Captain Bruni.
Katherine and Margaret make their way down the wooden steps to the galley.
Hello Katherine, says Gaius. How was your trip? Excellent no doubt. Here is Terence, recovering nicely. Now that you're here, Arthur and I will be going.....
Gaius! says Margaret. I was hoping to show you my sedimentary samples containing zircon minerals, matching those found in Montana and Idaho.....
And I have some wild wasabi cheese to give you, says Katherine.
Unfortunately Arthur and I are in a hurry, says Gaius. We must leave at once, in order to cycle to Hobart and catch our flight to Adelaide.
Why the haste? asks Katherine.
New team members, says Arthur. We've got to meet them to bond and talk tactics.
That silly race, sniffs Margaret.
Gaius does not take the bait.
Terence, show Margaret your toes, says Gaius.
Terence doesn't want to.
Sit up on this table, says Margaret. I've got a mesh toe bandage, which straps on round your foot, and tape that won't hurt when you pull it off.
No, says Terence. I've got duck tape. See the pokey fold at the corner that looks like a beak? Sometimes it quackles.
Is that DUCT tape? says Margaret.
No, says Terence.
Yes it is, says Margaret. I'm surprised at you, Gaius.
He didn't want nails, explains Gaius.
He won't have any nails when you rip off that duct tape, says Margaret.
I'm sure you'll manage, says Gaius. They're cement toe nails remember. In fact he may not have had toe nails in the first place. I don't recall seeing them.
Wah! cries Terence.
But we must go, says Gaius. Come on Arthur.
I'll just finish charging my phone, says Arthur.
Good, says Katherine. So you have a few minutes. Here is the cheese. I'll give it to you, Arthur. Gaius would probably lose it.
Thanks, says Arthur.
He looks at his phone. Eighty percent charged. And two messages from Sweezus.
First message: Intvwd team phil new mber s kkgd frkn amateur!
That's good. Sweezus has interviewed Team Philosophe's new member Sören Kierkegaard and judged him an amateur.
Second message: Met our new guy dead set legend!!
Which Arthur does not like the sound of.
Welcome dear ladies, says Captain Bruni. You'll find your friends below decks, in the galley.
Good, says Margaret. We've brought toe bandages for Terence. How is he?
In fine form, says Captain Bruni.
Katherine and Margaret make their way down the wooden steps to the galley.
Hello Katherine, says Gaius. How was your trip? Excellent no doubt. Here is Terence, recovering nicely. Now that you're here, Arthur and I will be going.....
Gaius! says Margaret. I was hoping to show you my sedimentary samples containing zircon minerals, matching those found in Montana and Idaho.....
And I have some wild wasabi cheese to give you, says Katherine.
Unfortunately Arthur and I are in a hurry, says Gaius. We must leave at once, in order to cycle to Hobart and catch our flight to Adelaide.
Why the haste? asks Katherine.
New team members, says Arthur. We've got to meet them to bond and talk tactics.
That silly race, sniffs Margaret.
Gaius does not take the bait.
Terence, show Margaret your toes, says Gaius.
Terence doesn't want to.
Sit up on this table, says Margaret. I've got a mesh toe bandage, which straps on round your foot, and tape that won't hurt when you pull it off.
No, says Terence. I've got duck tape. See the pokey fold at the corner that looks like a beak? Sometimes it quackles.
Is that DUCT tape? says Margaret.
No, says Terence.
Yes it is, says Margaret. I'm surprised at you, Gaius.
He didn't want nails, explains Gaius.
He won't have any nails when you rip off that duct tape, says Margaret.
I'm sure you'll manage, says Gaius. They're cement toe nails remember. In fact he may not have had toe nails in the first place. I don't recall seeing them.
Wah! cries Terence.
But we must go, says Gaius. Come on Arthur.
I'll just finish charging my phone, says Arthur.
Good, says Katherine. So you have a few minutes. Here is the cheese. I'll give it to you, Arthur. Gaius would probably lose it.
Thanks, says Arthur.
He looks at his phone. Eighty percent charged. And two messages from Sweezus.
First message: Intvwd team phil new mber s kkgd frkn amateur!
That's good. Sweezus has interviewed Team Philosophe's new member Sören Kierkegaard and judged him an amateur.
Second message: Met our new guy dead set legend!!
Which Arthur does not like the sound of.
Wednesday, January 8, 2020
Difficulties Everywhere
Vello is pleased with himself.
He has just has signed up the new team member for Team Philosophe.
Sören Kierkegaard.
Not only that, but Sören has agreed to be interviewed for Velosophy.
Sweezus is waiting in the office, when Sören arrives.
Hej, says Sören Kierkegaard. Are you making this interview with me?
Guess so, says Sweezus. Want a coffee?
Nej tak, says Sören.
I'll just phone the café, says Sweezus.
Nej tak means no, thank you, says Sören.
Okay, says Sweezus. I won't have one either. Second question. What's your history with bikes?
You seem somewhat brusque, says Sören. I was led to expect you'd be different.
Just been talking to a buddy who had a near miss, says Sweezus.
On a bike? asks Sören.
No, says Sweezus. A near miss with nails.
Finger, toe, metal? asks Sören.
Actual nails, says Sweezus. Imagine someone hammering nails into your toe holes.
It would be unpleasant, says Sören. Has this happened to your buddy?
No, says Sweezus. In the end they used duct tape. But..... jeez!
Shall we get on with my history? says Sören.
Yeah, go ahead, says Sweezus.
Sören has to think for a minute.
He has taken up cycling in order to take his mind off philosophy.
I have always preferred walking, says Sören. One meets people. I enjoy the casual encounter.
Yeah, but... bikes, says Sweezus. What teams have you been in?
I am friendly with Jakob Fuglsang, says Sören. From him I have learned much.
Like what? asks Sweezus.
What have I learned from him? asks Sören.
Yeah, from him, says Sweezus.
I should keep that to myself, says Sören.
Okay, says Sweezus. Older history. Your first one.
Ah! my precious Regine, says Sören.
You called your first bike Regine? asks Sweezus. Quirky!
Of course not, says Sören. Regine was my sweetheart.
Your woman, says Sweezus. Good one.
She was never my woman, says Sören. I called off the engagement.
Okay, we won't go there, says Sweezus. What's your, like, main cycling philosophy?
Make difficulties everywhere, says Sören.
So Sweezus learns something useful, at last, about Sören.
He has just has signed up the new team member for Team Philosophe.
Sören Kierkegaard.
Not only that, but Sören has agreed to be interviewed for Velosophy.
Sweezus is waiting in the office, when Sören arrives.
Hej, says Sören Kierkegaard. Are you making this interview with me?
Guess so, says Sweezus. Want a coffee?
Nej tak, says Sören.
I'll just phone the café, says Sweezus.
Nej tak means no, thank you, says Sören.
Okay, says Sweezus. I won't have one either. Second question. What's your history with bikes?
You seem somewhat brusque, says Sören. I was led to expect you'd be different.
Just been talking to a buddy who had a near miss, says Sweezus.
On a bike? asks Sören.
No, says Sweezus. A near miss with nails.
Finger, toe, metal? asks Sören.
Actual nails, says Sweezus. Imagine someone hammering nails into your toe holes.
It would be unpleasant, says Sören. Has this happened to your buddy?
No, says Sweezus. In the end they used duct tape. But..... jeez!
Shall we get on with my history? says Sören.
Yeah, go ahead, says Sweezus.
Sören has to think for a minute.
He has taken up cycling in order to take his mind off philosophy.
I have always preferred walking, says Sören. One meets people. I enjoy the casual encounter.
Yeah, but... bikes, says Sweezus. What teams have you been in?
I am friendly with Jakob Fuglsang, says Sören. From him I have learned much.
Like what? asks Sweezus.
What have I learned from him? asks Sören.
Yeah, from him, says Sweezus.
I should keep that to myself, says Sören.
Okay, says Sweezus. Older history. Your first one.
Ah! my precious Regine, says Sören.
You called your first bike Regine? asks Sweezus. Quirky!
Of course not, says Sören. Regine was my sweetheart.
Your woman, says Sweezus. Good one.
She was never my woman, says Sören. I called off the engagement.
Okay, we won't go there, says Sweezus. What's your, like, main cycling philosophy?
Make difficulties everywhere, says Sören.
So Sweezus learns something useful, at last, about Sören.
Tuesday, January 7, 2020
Old Philosopher Dude
Terence is jumping around in the ship's cabin, testing his toes.
Another two hours till they get here, says Gaius.
We could get in some practice, says Arthur.
Practice? says Gaius. Oh yes, practice. I wonder who else is in Team Philosophe this year?
Why don't you call Vello and find out, says Arthur.
Good idea, says Gaius.
He calls Vello, who doesn't answer.
He tries David instead.
Hello? says David. Gaius? When are you back? We need to talk tactics.
ASAP, says Gaius. We're waiting for Katherine and Margaret to arrive in Kettering.
Oh, how is mother? asks David.
I don't know, says Gaius. She went off on her cheese tour. Margaret hived off to find rock samples. Arthur and I spotted several endangered birds. Now we're reconvening.
Well, don't linger, says David. This is hush-hush, but we'll have a new team member. You know what that means.
I'm out? says Gaius.
Of course not, says David.
Is he a philosopher? asks Gaius. Do I know him?
Everyone knows him, says David. At least in Denmark.
Kierkegaard? says Gaius.
Can't confirm or deny, says David. Just get back here, for team bonding. Goodbye.
Are you out? asks Arthur.
No, says Gaius. We've got a new team member. Danish.
Kierkegaard? says Arthur.
You know? asks Gaius.
You said it, says Arthur.
It's not confirmed yet, says Gaius.
I'll call Sweezus, says Arthur. He'll know.
Let me talk to him! says Terence.
Okay, says Arthur. But me first.
He calls Sweezus.
Bro! says Sweezus. What's up? When do we see you?
Tomorrow, says Arthur. Probably. What's new with Team Condor?
Got a new rider, says Sweezus,. Danish. In place of Pablo.
I heard Team Philosophe had a new Danish rider, says Arthur.
Yeah, Vello's signing up some old philosopher dude this morning, says Sweezus.
Me now! cries Terence, grabbing the phone.
Hi, little dude, says Sweezus. What's been happening?
Two of my toes broke off, says Terence. Arthur was going to nail them back on with NAILS! But now I've got duck tape.
Cool, says Sweezus. But it's duct tape, not duck tape. And you were heaps lucky, escaping the nails.
Yes but.... says Terence.
Crackle. Red light! Blackness.
Arthur's phone has run out of battery.
Leaving questions unanswered.
Another two hours till they get here, says Gaius.
We could get in some practice, says Arthur.
Practice? says Gaius. Oh yes, practice. I wonder who else is in Team Philosophe this year?
Why don't you call Vello and find out, says Arthur.
Good idea, says Gaius.
He calls Vello, who doesn't answer.
He tries David instead.
Hello? says David. Gaius? When are you back? We need to talk tactics.
ASAP, says Gaius. We're waiting for Katherine and Margaret to arrive in Kettering.
Oh, how is mother? asks David.
I don't know, says Gaius. She went off on her cheese tour. Margaret hived off to find rock samples. Arthur and I spotted several endangered birds. Now we're reconvening.
Well, don't linger, says David. This is hush-hush, but we'll have a new team member. You know what that means.
I'm out? says Gaius.
Of course not, says David.
Is he a philosopher? asks Gaius. Do I know him?
Everyone knows him, says David. At least in Denmark.
Kierkegaard? says Gaius.
Can't confirm or deny, says David. Just get back here, for team bonding. Goodbye.
Are you out? asks Arthur.
No, says Gaius. We've got a new team member. Danish.
Kierkegaard? says Arthur.
You know? asks Gaius.
You said it, says Arthur.
It's not confirmed yet, says Gaius.
I'll call Sweezus, says Arthur. He'll know.
Let me talk to him! says Terence.
Okay, says Arthur. But me first.
He calls Sweezus.
Bro! says Sweezus. What's up? When do we see you?
Tomorrow, says Arthur. Probably. What's new with Team Condor?
Got a new rider, says Sweezus,. Danish. In place of Pablo.
I heard Team Philosophe had a new Danish rider, says Arthur.
Yeah, Vello's signing up some old philosopher dude this morning, says Sweezus.
Me now! cries Terence, grabbing the phone.
Hi, little dude, says Sweezus. What's been happening?
Two of my toes broke off, says Terence. Arthur was going to nail them back on with NAILS! But now I've got duck tape.
Cool, says Sweezus. But it's duct tape, not duck tape. And you were heaps lucky, escaping the nails.
Yes but.... says Terence.
Crackle. Red light! Blackness.
Arthur's phone has run out of battery.
Leaving questions unanswered.
Monday, January 6, 2020
The Space On Her Lap
Hammer and nails! says Terence. Are you trying to kill me?
No, says Arthur. I've had an idea.
What is it? asks Terence.
Make two nail holes at the end of your foot, says Arthur. Then make a hole in each toe. Insert the nails into the toe holes, and hey presto.
You don't know nails, says Terence. There's a fat end and a sharp end.
He's right, says Gaius. How would you get around that?
Make the holes in foot bigger, says Arthur.
Then my toes will be loose! says Terence. Are you stupid?
Better if they are, says Arthur. I thought this was a trial.
Perhaps we should try taping the toes on, says Gaius. Less invasive. Did you see any tape in the hatches?
I'll look, says Arthur.
He goes.
Woo! says Terence. You saved me. You're better than the Virgin.
Am I? says Gaius. How so?
She just sits there, says Terence.
And doesn't intervene? says Gaius.
There's me, running, says Terence. Wah! Wah! There's Saint Joseph coming after me with a hammer. There's her, watching the space on her lap.
Space? says Gaius.
Where I should be, says Terence.
Dear me, says Gaius. And how does it finish?
He trips, says Terence.
Maybe she trips him, says Gaius. Does he run past her?
No, says Terence. He trips on a parrot. That's why we have parrots.
Nice story, says P. krameri.
Arthur comes back with a roll of grey duct tape.
It's rather wide, observes Gaius. Ideally, it should be toe width.
No worries, says Arthur. I've also brought scissors.
Hurry up, says Terence. My toes ar getting nervous.
And it's true. They are.
Even if the duct tape is trimmed down to toe width, how will they see?
No, says Arthur. I've had an idea.
What is it? asks Terence.
Make two nail holes at the end of your foot, says Arthur. Then make a hole in each toe. Insert the nails into the toe holes, and hey presto.
You don't know nails, says Terence. There's a fat end and a sharp end.
He's right, says Gaius. How would you get around that?
Make the holes in foot bigger, says Arthur.
Then my toes will be loose! says Terence. Are you stupid?
Better if they are, says Arthur. I thought this was a trial.
Perhaps we should try taping the toes on, says Gaius. Less invasive. Did you see any tape in the hatches?
I'll look, says Arthur.
He goes.
Woo! says Terence. You saved me. You're better than the Virgin.
Am I? says Gaius. How so?
She just sits there, says Terence.
And doesn't intervene? says Gaius.
There's me, running, says Terence. Wah! Wah! There's Saint Joseph coming after me with a hammer. There's her, watching the space on her lap.
Space? says Gaius.
Where I should be, says Terence.
Dear me, says Gaius. And how does it finish?
He trips, says Terence.
Maybe she trips him, says Gaius. Does he run past her?
No, says Terence. He trips on a parrot. That's why we have parrots.
Nice story, says P. krameri.
Arthur comes back with a roll of grey duct tape.
It's rather wide, observes Gaius. Ideally, it should be toe width.
No worries, says Arthur. I've also brought scissors.
Hurry up, says Terence. My toes ar getting nervous.
And it's true. They are.
Even if the duct tape is trimmed down to toe width, how will they see?
Sunday, January 5, 2020
Understanding Toes
On board the Esperance, Terence tries to make friends with his toes.
It wasn't my fault, says Terence.
Wasn't how? ask the toes.
They speak in unison. And ask shortish questions.
Wasn't what how? asks Terence.
Wasn't your fault how, say the toes.
Thanks for understanding, says Terence.
Ha ha! laughs P. krameri.
What's funny? asks Terence.
Toes understanding, says P. krameri.
We don't understand, say the toes.
This was going all right till you laughed, says Terence.
Sorry, says P. krameri. I'll go onto the pontoon and wait for Gaius.
He goes.
Soon you'll get stuck back on to me with fish glue, says Terence.
Does it have to be you? ask the toes.
It has to be me, says Terence. But if you like, you could swap places. I'll ask Gaius.
Super! say the toes.
Two bicycles trundle along the pontoon and stop at the Esperance gangplank.
Greetings, P. krameri, says Gaius. How is Terence?
Chipper, says P. krameri. Making jokes.
Jokes? says Gaius. Did you hear that, Arthur?
No, says Arthur. I was thinking about Team Condor.
Terence is making jokes, says Gaius. But his balance must be impaired. The sooner we get the fish glue the better.
They board the Esperance and enter the cabin.
My toes want to change places, says Terence.
Let me see them, says Gaius.
These are them, says Terence.
One is slightly larger than the other, says Gaius. I don't advise it.
Let's just try, says Terence.
All right, says Gaius. We'll try it out while we wait for the fish glue. I wonder if Captain Bruni has anything suitable.
I'll have a look, says Arthur.
He opens various hatches.
And comes back with a hammer and nails.
Saturday, January 4, 2020
Worried And Worse
Gaius, says Katherine. I'm in Launceston with Margaret. Where are you?
On the ferry to Kettering, says Gaius.
I suppose you've forgotten that you arranged to meet us, says Katherine. How long will you be?
There a has been a small mishap with Terence, which may delay us, says Gaius. In fact, we may not even.....
What is the mishap? asks Katherine. Is it knife-related?
Toe-related, says Gaius. Two have broken off. I have not yet been informed of the circumstances.
Margaret and I will motor down to Kettering at once, says Katherine. Margaret has first aid training.
It's merely a question of fish glue, says Gaius. Jinjing is retrieving it now.
Retrieving? Have you left it behind somewhere? asks Katherine. What if he can't find it?
Jinjing is as reliable as Arthur, says Gaius.
Let's hope he is even more reliable, says Katherine.
Indeed, says Gaius. So you need not come.
We will come, says Katherine. Margaret agrees, don't you Margaret.
There follows a muffled exchange while Katherine explains the toe issue.
Gaius makes a glum face at Arthur.
They're coming, says Gaius.
Let them come, says Arthur. They can take Terence home, and we won't have to transport him to Hobart by bicycle.
Gaius brightens. An excellent plan!
What's that you said? asks Katherine.
We shall be waiting for you on the Esperance, says Gaius. I assume you are coming?
Yes, Margaret has agreed. She's just popped off to the chemist, to buy some items for Terence.
No need, says Gaius. I have every faith in Jinjing.
See you in three hours, says Katherine. Bye now.
Tch! says Gaius. Margaret is already interfering.
But we ought to keep on her good side, says Arthur.
You're quite right, says Gaius.
The ferry lands in Kettering. They disembark, with their bicycles.
Jinjing has not yet arrived with the fish glue.
But there's no need to worry. Not yet.
.....
Deep down
In the Jetty Café bin
Jinjing is worried
With the empty chip packets
The froth rimmed coffee cups
The half eaten bread rolls
The curled sausage ends
The biobags of dog poo
And worse
There is nothing resembling
Old fish glue.
On the ferry to Kettering, says Gaius.
I suppose you've forgotten that you arranged to meet us, says Katherine. How long will you be?
There a has been a small mishap with Terence, which may delay us, says Gaius. In fact, we may not even.....
What is the mishap? asks Katherine. Is it knife-related?
Toe-related, says Gaius. Two have broken off. I have not yet been informed of the circumstances.
Margaret and I will motor down to Kettering at once, says Katherine. Margaret has first aid training.
It's merely a question of fish glue, says Gaius. Jinjing is retrieving it now.
Retrieving? Have you left it behind somewhere? asks Katherine. What if he can't find it?
Jinjing is as reliable as Arthur, says Gaius.
Let's hope he is even more reliable, says Katherine.
Indeed, says Gaius. So you need not come.
We will come, says Katherine. Margaret agrees, don't you Margaret.
There follows a muffled exchange while Katherine explains the toe issue.
Gaius makes a glum face at Arthur.
They're coming, says Gaius.
Let them come, says Arthur. They can take Terence home, and we won't have to transport him to Hobart by bicycle.
Gaius brightens. An excellent plan!
What's that you said? asks Katherine.
We shall be waiting for you on the Esperance, says Gaius. I assume you are coming?
Yes, Margaret has agreed. She's just popped off to the chemist, to buy some items for Terence.
No need, says Gaius. I have every faith in Jinjing.
See you in three hours, says Katherine. Bye now.
Tch! says Gaius. Margaret is already interfering.
But we ought to keep on her good side, says Arthur.
You're quite right, says Gaius.
The ferry lands in Kettering. They disembark, with their bicycles.
Jinjing has not yet arrived with the fish glue.
But there's no need to worry. Not yet.
.....
Deep down
In the Jetty Café bin
Jinjing is worried
With the empty chip packets
The froth rimmed coffee cups
The half eaten bread rolls
The curled sausage ends
The biobags of dog poo
And worse
There is nothing resembling
Old fish glue.
Friday, January 3, 2020
My Fate Is Retrieving Lost Things
Meanwhile, on Bruny Island, Gaius and Arthur are wheeling their bicycles onto the ferry.
I feel I've forgotten something, says Gaius.
You can always get a replacement, says Arthur.
But I don't know what it is, says Gaius.
It'll be a pencil, says Arthur. You're not good with pencils.
True, says Gaius. I never seem to have one when I need one.
I've got one, says Arthur.
Gaius feels in his pockets and, finding no pencil, searches his back pack.
Hardly anything in it, says Gaius. Just dirty underwear. And an apple.
What about fish glue? says someone from behind him.
It's Jinjing, who has arrived with a message.
I threw out the fish glue, says Gaius. It was beginning to smell bad.
Ai! says Jinjing. I have a message, regarding the fish glue.
A coincidence! says Gaius. What is it?
Please send fish glue, love from Terence, says Jinjing. Those are his words.
I bet they're not, says Arthur.
All right, says Jinjing. I added the niceties. Where did you discard it?
In a bin outside the Jetty Cafe, says Gaius. Why does Terence need it?
He has two broken toes, says Jinjing.
Dear me, says Gaius. Has he still got them?
Yes. Or he wouldn't need fish glue, says Jinjing. Shall I fly to the bin and recover it?
Would you? asks Gaius.
It seems to be my fate, says Jinjing. I dived into Baby Bin Penguin for a bottle, I retrieved the lost toes from a smelly bucket, and I am now volunteering to rummage around in the garbage for discarded fish glue.
I guess you live a charmed life, says Arthur.
You deserve a medal, says Gaius.
Thank you, says Jinjing. I'll go now. Wait for me at the Oyster Cove Marina.
Jinjing flies off on his mission.
The ferry departs.
That was a worthwhile trip, says Gaius. A photograph of a forty spotted pardalote, a brief encounter with swift parrots, and a productive talk with Amanda. I only regret that we never established the whereabouts of Spotty.
Spotty? says Arthur. There was no Spotty.
We cannot be certain, says Gaius.
The ferry proceeds towards the mainland.
Gaius's phone rings.
Curses! It's Katherine! What time-wasting thing will she be wanting?
I feel I've forgotten something, says Gaius.
You can always get a replacement, says Arthur.
But I don't know what it is, says Gaius.
It'll be a pencil, says Arthur. You're not good with pencils.
True, says Gaius. I never seem to have one when I need one.
I've got one, says Arthur.
Gaius feels in his pockets and, finding no pencil, searches his back pack.
Hardly anything in it, says Gaius. Just dirty underwear. And an apple.
What about fish glue? says someone from behind him.
It's Jinjing, who has arrived with a message.
I threw out the fish glue, says Gaius. It was beginning to smell bad.
Ai! says Jinjing. I have a message, regarding the fish glue.
A coincidence! says Gaius. What is it?
Please send fish glue, love from Terence, says Jinjing. Those are his words.
I bet they're not, says Arthur.
All right, says Jinjing. I added the niceties. Where did you discard it?
In a bin outside the Jetty Cafe, says Gaius. Why does Terence need it?
He has two broken toes, says Jinjing.
Dear me, says Gaius. Has he still got them?
Yes. Or he wouldn't need fish glue, says Jinjing. Shall I fly to the bin and recover it?
Would you? asks Gaius.
It seems to be my fate, says Jinjing. I dived into Baby Bin Penguin for a bottle, I retrieved the lost toes from a smelly bucket, and I am now volunteering to rummage around in the garbage for discarded fish glue.
I guess you live a charmed life, says Arthur.
You deserve a medal, says Gaius.
Thank you, says Jinjing. I'll go now. Wait for me at the Oyster Cove Marina.
Jinjing flies off on his mission.
The ferry departs.
That was a worthwhile trip, says Gaius. A photograph of a forty spotted pardalote, a brief encounter with swift parrots, and a productive talk with Amanda. I only regret that we never established the whereabouts of Spotty.
Spotty? says Arthur. There was no Spotty.
We cannot be certain, says Gaius.
The ferry proceeds towards the mainland.
Gaius's phone rings.
Curses! It's Katherine! What time-wasting thing will she be wanting?
Thursday, January 2, 2020
Saving Forty Five Minutes
P. krameri gives Terence the message.
Gaius and Arthur will be on the next ferry.
When's the next ferry? asks Terence.
In fifteen minutes, says P.krameri. We flew over it.
Who's we? asks Terence.
Jinjing and me, says P. krameri.
Wait a minute, says Terence. What happened?
We met in the air, says P. krameri. And exchanged messages.
Then what? asks Terence.
(This doesn't sound right).
Kept going, says P. krameri.
But that means ... says Terence. What does that mean?
We saved forty five minutes, says P. krameri.
Of what? asks Terence.
Time, says P. krameri.
You said fifteen, says Terence.
They won't be on that one, says P. krameri.
But you said! says Terence.
I said the next one, says P. krameri. In forty five minutes. But it will take half an hour to get here.
When? demands Terence.
Forty five plus thirty, says P. krameri. Never mind. Let's just be comfortable and tell one another our adventures. You first. I heard your toes had a mishap.
Terence reaches into his shorts pocket and pulls out the toes.
They look like little eyeballs.
Look at the way they're looking at you, says P. krameri.
They aren't, says Terence.
Yes we are, say the toe balls.
They're talking! says Terence.
Just looking, say the toe balls.
Ask them how, suggests P. krameri.
How, toe balls? says Terence.
Reproachfully, say the toe balls.
Gaius and Arthur will be on the next ferry.
When's the next ferry? asks Terence.
In fifteen minutes, says P.krameri. We flew over it.
Who's we? asks Terence.
Jinjing and me, says P. krameri.
Wait a minute, says Terence. What happened?
We met in the air, says P. krameri. And exchanged messages.
Then what? asks Terence.
(This doesn't sound right).
Kept going, says P. krameri.
But that means ... says Terence. What does that mean?
We saved forty five minutes, says P. krameri.
Of what? asks Terence.
Time, says P. krameri.
You said fifteen, says Terence.
They won't be on that one, says P. krameri.
But you said! says Terence.
I said the next one, says P. krameri. In forty five minutes. But it will take half an hour to get here.
When? demands Terence.
Forty five plus thirty, says P. krameri. Never mind. Let's just be comfortable and tell one another our adventures. You first. I heard your toes had a mishap.
Terence reaches into his shorts pocket and pulls out the toes.
They look like little eyeballs.
Look at the way they're looking at you, says P. krameri.
They aren't, says Terence.
Yes we are, say the toe balls.
They're talking! says Terence.
Just looking, say the toe balls.
Ask them how, suggests P. krameri.
How, toe balls? says Terence.
Reproachfully, say the toe balls.
Wednesday, January 1, 2020
Hard To Talk In The Air
Captian Bruni has swabbed out the galley.
Terence has recovered his toes.
They are now in his shorts pocket, washed and dried, and waiting for fish glue.
I'm just going to pop over and see Captain Kermadec, says Captain Bruni.
What about us? asks Terence.
Wait here, says Captain Bruni. Arthur knows where you are.
He picks up the exploded packet of trail mix, and the ribbon.
Are you taking that to Captain Kermadec? asks Jinjing.
Yes, says Captain Bruni. What's left of it.
He heads off down the marina, tying the ribbon as he goes.
Now what? says Terence. We're stuck here.
Wait for Arthur, says Jinjing.
I'm not waiting for Arthur, says Terence. I'm waiting for Gaius.
Gaius and his fish glue, says Jinjing. Arthur doesn't know about your toes, though.
Wah! says Terence. They might not come for AGES!
They'll have to, says Jinjing. They're both in a bike race. They need to get back to Adelaide.
They'll forget! wails Terence. Can we call them?
No, says Jinjing. We don't have a phone.
I need a parrot! says Terence.
I'm a parrot! says Jinjing.
A proper parrot, says Terence.
What would the proper parrot do? asks Jinjing.
Fly to Gaius with a message, says Terence. And then come back with a message.
I can do that, says Jinjing. But I don't think I should leave you.
I do, says Terence. I can't go far with no toes.
You've got eight toes, says Jinjing. And it didn't stop you rowing.
I'm not rowing again EVER, says Terence. I'll sit here and look at the sky till you come back.
Okay, I'll go, says Jinjing. It should take me an hour.
Don't forget me, says Terence
I won't forget you, says Jinjing.
He takes off in the direction of Bruny Island.
Flying, flying.
Berp! Bird alert !
Another parrot is flying towards him.
It's P. krameri!
Um. Hard to talk in the air.
The ferry is below them. Well, nearly. Just a slight diversion. They land on a railing.
P. krameri: Where have you been?
Jinjing: On board the Esperance, with Terence and Captain Bruni.
P. krameri: I have a message.
Jinjing: So do I have a message.
P. krameri: My message is that Gaius and Arthur will be back on the next ferry.
Jinjing: That's the answer to my message!
P. krameri: The answer? What was your message?
Jinjing: Please come back on the next ferry. I need fish glue. Love from Terence.
P. krameri: That doesn't sound like Terence.
Jinjing: I composed it. But he does need the fish glue
P. krameri: You go ahead then. Check that Gaius has packed the fish glue. He was having a clear-out this morning.
Jinjing: Okay, and you go and give Terence the message.
P. krameri: Will do.
They rise and fly off in opposite directions.
.....
Terence sits on the deck of the Esperance.
P. krameri lands before him.
That was quick, says Terence. And you turned into a proper parrot! Give me the message.
Terence has recovered his toes.
They are now in his shorts pocket, washed and dried, and waiting for fish glue.
I'm just going to pop over and see Captain Kermadec, says Captain Bruni.
What about us? asks Terence.
Wait here, says Captain Bruni. Arthur knows where you are.
He picks up the exploded packet of trail mix, and the ribbon.
Are you taking that to Captain Kermadec? asks Jinjing.
Yes, says Captain Bruni. What's left of it.
He heads off down the marina, tying the ribbon as he goes.
Now what? says Terence. We're stuck here.
Wait for Arthur, says Jinjing.
I'm not waiting for Arthur, says Terence. I'm waiting for Gaius.
Gaius and his fish glue, says Jinjing. Arthur doesn't know about your toes, though.
Wah! says Terence. They might not come for AGES!
They'll have to, says Jinjing. They're both in a bike race. They need to get back to Adelaide.
They'll forget! wails Terence. Can we call them?
No, says Jinjing. We don't have a phone.
I need a parrot! says Terence.
I'm a parrot! says Jinjing.
A proper parrot, says Terence.
What would the proper parrot do? asks Jinjing.
Fly to Gaius with a message, says Terence. And then come back with a message.
I can do that, says Jinjing. But I don't think I should leave you.
I do, says Terence. I can't go far with no toes.
You've got eight toes, says Jinjing. And it didn't stop you rowing.
I'm not rowing again EVER, says Terence. I'll sit here and look at the sky till you come back.
Okay, I'll go, says Jinjing. It should take me an hour.
Don't forget me, says Terence
I won't forget you, says Jinjing.
He takes off in the direction of Bruny Island.
Flying, flying.
Berp! Bird alert !
Another parrot is flying towards him.
It's P. krameri!
Um. Hard to talk in the air.
The ferry is below them. Well, nearly. Just a slight diversion. They land on a railing.
P. krameri: Where have you been?
Jinjing: On board the Esperance, with Terence and Captain Bruni.
P. krameri: I have a message.
Jinjing: So do I have a message.
P. krameri: My message is that Gaius and Arthur will be back on the next ferry.
Jinjing: That's the answer to my message!
P. krameri: The answer? What was your message?
Jinjing: Please come back on the next ferry. I need fish glue. Love from Terence.
P. krameri: That doesn't sound like Terence.
Jinjing: I composed it. But he does need the fish glue
P. krameri: You go ahead then. Check that Gaius has packed the fish glue. He was having a clear-out this morning.
Jinjing: Okay, and you go and give Terence the message.
P. krameri: Will do.
They rise and fly off in opposite directions.
.....
Terence sits on the deck of the Esperance.
P. krameri lands before him.
That was quick, says Terence. And you turned into a proper parrot! Give me the message.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
