Things That Are Better Than Nothing

They arrive at the Waitpinga Beach car park.

Several surf vans are already there.

Told you, says Sweezus. It takes more than poisonous froth and sore throats to put surfers off.

Did you bring anything? asks Arthur.

Couple of body boards, says Sweezus. It was all I could fit in Katherine's boot.

Better than nothing, says Arthur. Let's go.

Can't leave Terence, says Sweezus. But you go.

He pops the boot open.

Arthur gets out.

Takes a body board and heads down the track to the beach.

Can I sit in the front now? asks Terence.

Sure, says Sweezus. Squeeze through.

Terence squeezes half way through to the front seat and stops.

What is it? asks Sweezus.

Just checking for pus-chools, says Terence.

He would've told us if it burst, says Sweezus. And he'd have had to stop and squeeze out the glass splinter.

Okay, says Terence, coming through.

Look at all those guys out there, says Sweezus.

Can't, says Terence. I'm too low.

I'll grab the towel, says Sweezius.

I was sitting on the suitcase, says Terence.

Geez, were you? says Sweezus. Kant's suitcase. Did you scratch it?

No, says Terence.

I hope not, says Sweezus. 

A new surf van pulls up beside them.

Two surfers get out.

Hey, says Sweezus. What's the story?

The surfers both start to cough.

That sounds nasty, says Sweezus. 

Be okay when we get out there, says one of the surfers. Hey, are you that guy...?

Sweezus, says Sweezus. 

And I'm that guy Terence, says Terence.

Cool, says the surfer. I'm Fritzy and he's Whitey.

G'day! says Whitey. See you guys out there.

Not me, says Terence. I'm the thermometer guy.

No kidding, says Whitey.

He and Fritzy grab their boards and head down the track, coughing.

Hope Arthur's not coughing, says Sweezus.

We should go down and see, says Terence.

Yeah, okay, says Sweezus. I wonder if Katherine keeps cough lollies in her glove box.

He opens the glove box.

A half full box of yellow Tic Tacs falls out.

Yellow.

But better than nothing.

Never Get Anything

Are we there yet? asks Terence.

About half way, says Sweezus.

Which half? asks Terence.

That's a really dumb question, says Sweezus.

I've got nothing to do, says Terence. 

You shouldn't have left Gloopy on the bus, says Arthur.

I know, says Terence.

Cheer up, says Sweezus. When we get to Waitpinga there'll be heaps to do.

Like what? asks Terence.

Remember the thermometer? says Arthur.

Where is it? asks Terence.

Gaius has got it, says Arthur.

I'm allowed to use it, says Terence. If I sink to the bottom.

I don't reckon Gaius would've said that, says Sweezus.

He said it was a good idea, says Terence.

Did he? says Sweezus.

But what can I do NOW? asks Terence.

Look at the scenery, says Sweezus.

I'm too low, says Terence.

Sit on my stuff, says Sweezus.

His stuff is under a towel next to Terence.

Beside it is a small suitcase.

The suitcase is flat, the towel stuff is lumpy.

So Terence sits on the suitcase.

Now he can see.

Boring trees and dead bushes.

I spy something brown, says Terence.

Everything, says Arthur.

Correct, says Terence. Your turn.

I spy something yellow, says Arthur

The sun, says Terence.

No, says Arthur.

The road sign, says Sweezus.

No, says Arthur.

We give up, says Terence.

The pustule on the back of my leg, says Arthur.

Good one, bro, says Sweezus. Except no one can see it.

Do you want to? asks Arthur.

No way, says Sweezus. And be careful. Don't pop it or Katherine will crack a fruity.

What's a pus-chool? asks Terence.

A pimple filled with sticky yellow pus, says Sweezus.

It'll probably pop by itself, says Arthur. There's glass in it.

Yikes! says Terence.

Don't worry little buddy, you won't get one, says Sweezus.

Because I never get anything, says Terence.

 

Forget The Rational Mind

Terence chooses the car.

He sits in the back seat and Arthur sits in the front, next to Sweezus.

They head off to Waitpinga.

Leaving Gaius in Victor Harbor with Kant.

Shall we set off at once? asks Gaius. 

Err, yes, let us set off at once, says Kant.

I heard you say you had never ridden a bicycle, says Gaius.

I did say that, says Kant.

But you think it should be easy, says Gaius.

I do, says Kant.

Well, says Gaius. Confidence is everything. You go in front and I'll follow.

Just for the first bit, says Kant. 

Yes just for the first bit, says Gaius. After that, we'll ride in tandem.

And get to know one other, says Kant.

Certainly, says Gaius. I have heard of you, of course.

And I you, says Kant.

He grasps the handlebars of Arthur's hired bike, and lifts one leg over the cross bar.

Foot on pedal, says Gaius. And push off!

Kant follows the instructions. Foot on pedal, push off.

With the other pedal, says Gaius, when nothing happens.

Oh, of course, says Kant. The rational mind sometimes....

Forget the rational mind, says Gaius. Launch yourself forward , and try to keep upright.

Kant launches himself forward. Hurrah! 

He moves forward, and keeps upright. 

Are you behind me? shouts Kant, not willing to turn round and look.

I am! says Gaius. Well done. You're a natural.

He catches up with Kant.

They are now heading out of Victor Harbor.

We should soon see the Waitpinga turnoff, says Gaius.

I hear it is scenic, says Kant.

Scenic? says Gaius. I suppose so, but that's not why we're going.

I thought it was, says Kant. So why are we going?

To examine the algal bloom that is killing the fish and causing rashes and sore throats in the surfers, says Gaius.

Kant is alarmed.

I see you are alarmed, says Gaius. Didn't Sweezus tell you?

No he didn't, says Kant.

The scallywag, says Gaius. He probably wanted an excuse to come down here and go surfing with Arthur.

In the algal bloom? asks Kant. That sounds risky. And he seems such a sensible young man.

We shall see, says Gaius. I wouldn't put it past the two of them to have planned it. 

I must remember to keep well away from the water, says Kant.

I shall be venturing into it, says Gaius. But only far enough to take temperature readings.

Aha, says Kant. So your theory is that the algal bloom is due to warming waters?

Yes, says Gaius. I see you have a scientific mind.

A philosophical mind, says Kant. 

Like my friends, Vello and David, says Gaius.

No, not like them, says Kant. We agree on sensation, but disagree on perception and what comes after.

It takes all kinds, says Gaius.

But we can't all be right, says Kant.

Indeed, says Gaius. I for example have had to admit that some of my medical remedies have proved ineffective. But I stand by the cabbage.

The cabbage? asks Kant.

As a poultice, says Gaius. In fact I would have suggested a cabbage poultice to Arthur, but I knew what he'd say.

I tend to stay away from doctors, says Kant. 

Gaius nods in agreement. 

How pleasant is this conversation!

Particularly without Terence to keep interrupting.