Stuck With Pineapple

Pile into the car, says Sweezus. We'll go there together.

What about the bikes? asks Gaius.

Lock 'em to a bollard, says Sweezus. 

Do we have locks? asks Kant.

No, says Gaius. It looks like we'll have to ride there. 

Hide them behind the kiosk, says Sweezus. They'll be okay.

What about my sample of Mickey Moto? asks Terence. And my rabbit thermometer?

Give them here, says Sweezus. Let's get going.

They pile into the car.

My suitcase! says Kant, seeing it on the back seat. 

Yeah, sorry about that, says Sweezus. What was in it? Anything important?

His underpants, says Terence. But Gaius bought him new ones.

And my Critique, says Kant. I brought it to show you.

Cool, says Sweezus. I'll have a squizz later.

They drive to the Goolwa Hotel.

It is lively and buzzing with locals.

This looks welcoming, says Kant. I'm looking forward to my snitty.

Schnitty, says Sweezus. 

My schnitty, says Kant.

They go in, sit down and look at the menu.

I'll get the Beef Aussie Schnitty, says Sweezus.

I'll have the Kilpatrick, says Arthur. Schnitty with oysters.

Me too, says Gaius. I like the sound of that.

Which leaves Kant.

What will he choose?

He normally, in a restaurant, chooses a starter. Hmm. Seafood cocktail. That sounds nice. But the others are not ordering starters. He looks at the schnitty list. Chicken or beef, with Gravy, Mushroom, Dianne, Pepper, Satay. OR: Chicken or beef with Parmigiana, Hawaiian, Aussie or Kilpatrick. 

A picture forms in his head, of himself ordering a Chicken Hawaiian Schnitty.

Should he do it?

He does.

You sure? asks Sweezus. Hawaiian? That'll come with pineapple.

Kant hadn't realised that. He had been thinking along the lines of those gay little paper umbrellas. 

Pineapple! But he's stuck with it now.

What A Schnitty Is

Now for something to eat, says Gaius.

And drink, says Terence.

Gaius hands Terence the red drink he bought from the kiosk.

Is it red? asks Terence.

It was last time I looked, says Gaius. 

It looks brown, says Terence.

It's growing dark, says Gaius. Red often looks brown in the evening.

A matter of perception, says Kant

What flavour is it? asks Terence.

See if you can read it, says Gaius.

Terence looks at the label.

Pee, says Terence.

Kant stifles a laugh.

The first letter is P, says Gaius. What comes next?

O, says Terence,

That should be enough information, says Gaius. What do you think it is?

Po-werade! says Terence.

Well done, says Gaius. 

Is Powerade a flavour? asks Kant.

They tend to all taste the same, says Gaius.

Does that mean I could have a brown one? asks Terence.

I don't think they make a brown one, says Gaius.

I wonder why not? wonders Kant. 

Gaius hands Kant a banana.

Shouldn't we have the cheese first? asks Kant.

That would be preferable, says Gaius. But I don't have a knife.

Cut it with a stick, says Terence.

No I thought we'd wait for Arthur, says Gaius. He has a knife. 

When do you think they'll be coming? asks Kant.

Any moment now, says Gaius. 

He bites down on a grape.

The sea roars in the darkness. Reeeoooor! Reeeooor! Reeeoooor!

A light flashes in the car park. 

Sweezus and Arthur come down onto the sand.

You guys! says Sweezus. You're not thinking of sleeping out here?

We are, says Gaius.

We're heading to the pub, says Sweezus. Wanna come with us? 

We have all we need here, says Gaius.

Except for a knife, Kant reminds him.

Arthur pulls a knife from the depths of his pocket.

We could, like, do the interview, says Sweezus. While we're eating a schnitty.

And what is a schnitty? asks Kant.

You should know, says Sweezus. Didn't you Germans invent them?

Some kind of peasant sausage? asks Kant. I wouldn't know. I'm a Prussian.

Remind me to write that down, says Sweezus. Details like that make a difference.

Tell him what a schnitty is, says Arthur.

Oh yeah, says Sweezus. Well you get a cut of meat like beef or chicken and you bash it flat as, then you crumb it and fry it and like, add a topping like napolitana or whatevs. You coming?

Count me in, says Kant.

What about our cheese? asks Gaius.

Bring it, says Sweezus.

What about my drink? says Terence.

Bring it, says Sweezus. What is it?  It looks kind of brown.

Beer, says Terence. 

Okay bring your beer little buddy, says Sweezus.

And you'll see it turn red again, says Kant.

What a spoiler.

The Merits Of Parts

Terence drops a third piece of Gloopy into a hole.

A skate has died, says Terence. He died escaping. To show he was bold.

Indeed, says Gaius. His action was bold. 

He won't escape this time, says Kant.

They look down at the third piece of Gloopy.

Terence picks up a handful of sand.

There are still three more pieces, says Gaius.

I know, says Terence.  But this was a good one.

He sprinkles the sand.

How do you distinguish the merits of the various parts? asks Kant.

What? asks Terence.

You said this was a good one, says Gaius. 

My poem was a good one, says Terence.

Ah, says Gaius. It certainly was. Shall we move on to the next one?

Terence picks up the fourth part of Gloopy and drops it into a hole.

A skate has died, says Terence. After he died, he was a famous actor.

I heard he fell out of a tree in a vinegar bottle, says Kant. I suppose it was all in the timing.

As accidents often are, says Gaius. He was there as part of the scenery.

And fame swiftly followed, says Kant.

Chaos followed, says Gaius. 

Can I do the next one? asks Terence.

Yes, do the next one, says Gaius. 

A skate has died, says Terence. He was in the wrong bin. Until he was saved by a beautiful lady.

Is that true? asks Kant.

It was Belle, says Gaius. Have you met her?

Vello's adopted daughter? asks Kant. 

The same, says Gaius. She did get Gloopy out of the bin. But it was she who dropped him in in the first place.

I didn't want to say that, says Terence.

Yes, no need to say it, says Gaius.

Last piece, says Kant.

Terence picks up the last piece, which is the tail with the claspers.

A skate has died, says Terence. It was me who left him behind on the bus. Which is why he got smelly and cut into pieces. 

May he rest in pieces, says Kant.

Gaius gives Kant a sharp look. This is no time to be funny.

Rest in pieces, Gloopy, says Terence. 

Obviously, he hasn't realised it's funny.

Dead And In Pieces

Gaius and Kant arrive in Goolwa.

I suggest we head straight for the beach, says Gaius. Bury Gloopy, watch the sunset, eat our  provisions then find somewhere to sleep in the sand hills. 

What about water? says Kant.

There's a kiosk, says Gaius. It should still be open.

They take the beach turn-off and soon arrive at the car park.

The kiosk is closing.

I'll just see if they'll sell us some water, says Gaius. You mind my bike.

He runs across to the kiosk.

Closing already? says Gaius.

Business is quiet, says the kiosk guy.

I can understand that, says Gaius. The karenia mikimotoi must be putting people off. 

You said it, says the kiosk guy. 

Any chance of me buying some water? asks Gaius.

Sure, says the kiosk guy, indicating the drinks fridge.

I'l take two bottles of springwater and a red drink, says Gaius.

He pays for the drinks, and goes back to Kant and Terence.

Now can we bury Gloopy? asks Terence.

Yes, says Gaius. That's our top priority.

They wheel their bikes onto the sand.

You choose the spot, says Gaius.

There, says Terence, indicating a spot. And there and there.

Are we burying the pieces separately? asks Kant. Shouldn't we try to keep them together?

I would have thought so, says Gaius. 

If I were dead and in pieces, says Kant, I should like to think someone went to the trouble of burying me as a whole person.

At what point would you be thinking that? asks Gaius.

Kant sees this as a frivolous question, so does not answer.

Terence tips the six pieces of Gloopy onto the sand. 

Gloopy wants me to bury him in different places, says Terence. Because he smells bad.

I had not considered that, says Gaius. 

Nor had I, says Kant. But it makes sense. Let us mark out six separate grave sites.

They help Terence mark out the grave sites.

Then all three start digging.

I'll say a poem for each one, says Terence.

Six poems! says Gaius. Can you compose six at short notice?

I don't COMPOSE, says Terence. I just make them up.

At last the six holes are ready.

Terence places the first piece of Gloopy into a hole.

A skate has died, says Terence. But he didn't die here. He died in Tasmania. 

Short but sweet, says Gaius.

It's not finished, says Terence.

You've got five more to go, says Gaius. I suggest you call that one done.

Okay, says Terence.

He drops the next piece of Gloopy into the second hole.

A skate has died, says Terence. But that did not stop him.

Very nicely put, says Gaius. Not many of us can say that.

Nicely put. Terence is encouraged.

What It Once Looked Like

The police car passes the cyclists and stops at the side of the road.

Victor gets out.

Stop! says Victor, holding one hand up.

Gaius and Kant stop. 

Have they been speeding?

I have something for you, says Victor.

What might that be? asks Gaius.

Your lost property, says Victor.

That was fast, says Gaius. 

I received Mr Surfing-with-Whales's statement just over an hour ago, says Victor. All was in order. So I contacted my colleagues in Adelaide, who swiftly released your lost item.

Wonderful, says Gaius. But how did it get here so soon?

Special courier, says Victor. 

Did you hear that Terence? says Gaius. A special courier delivered your Gloopy.

I think they were glad to get rid of it, says Victor.

Where is Gloopy? asks Terence.

In the police car, says Victor. Wait here.

He walks back to the passenger side of the police car and opens the door.

A slight gust of wind tells the story.

Victor hands the paper bag over to Gaius, who hands it to Terence, who opens the bag, expecting to see Gloopy at least in one piece.

Ai-ee!

What is it? asks Kant. 

He's in lots of pieces! says Terence.  

So he is, says Kant, sniffing. And the pieces are in a bad way..

That is not normal, says Gaius.

What's not normal? asks Victor.

The pieces, says Gaius. 

That'll be forensics, says Victor.

Surely unnecessary, says Gaius.

Can't be helped now, says Victor. You've got it back. All that's required is a signature.

Who cut Gloopy up? asks Terence.

Someone whose job it was, says Gaius.

What a rubbish adventure, says Terence.

Sign here please, says Victor.

I have to sign it, says Terence.

Very well, says Victor. But your guardian must co-sign.

He hands Terence a pen.

Terence draws a rude picture of a bumhole.

Two ovals close together with a hole in the middle.

I assume that's a picture of what it once looked like, says Victor. 

Gaius co-signs the document under the bumhole.

Thank you, says Victor. Enjoy the rest of your day.

He gets into his police car, rolls down the windows, does a u-turn and heads back towards Victor Harbor.

Now we must decide what to do with Gloopy, says Gaius. I suggest we bury him at Goolwa.

He wonders how Terence will receive this.

Yes! says Terence.

Good. Terence is receiving it well.

Road To Sainthood

They leave Victor Harbor and head out towards Goolwa.

Curses! I forgot to buy water, says Gaius.

Shall we go back? asks Kant.

No, says Gaius. There's bound to be somewhere en route.

Therefore, onward, says Kant. Does Terence drink water?

Ask me, says Terence.

Do you drink water? asks Kant.

Only red water, says Terence.

That must be hard to come by, says Kant.

Not at all, says Gaius. There are red sports drinks, black currant and cranberry juices, and failing those, there is always red cordial.

But why red at all? asks Kant.

His system will tolerate it, says Gaius. 

I used to live on a palace, says Terence.

Which palace was that? asks Kant.

In Barcelona, says Gaius. Terence fell off it. The Sagrada Famiglia.

I've heard of it, of course, says Kant. I believe the architect is up for a sainthood.

Jumping Jupiter! says Gaius. What next?

It might fall through now that the pope's died, says Kant.

Who died? asks Terence.

I don't think the pope dying will affect it, says Gaius.

You are probably right there, says Kant. They'll be looking for evidence of a miracle.

Two miracles, says Gaius.

What's a miracle? asks Terence.

Something that can't be explained, says Gaius. Such as when they find someone alive who's been buried for days under rubble

Does that count as a miracle? asks Kant. 

I don't see why not, says Gaius.

Do they have to be buried? asks Terence.

Why are you asking? asks Gaius.

Gloopy wasn't buried, says Terence.

But he wasn't alive when you left him behind on the bus, says Gaius.

I know, says Terence. 

If a miracle can't be explained, why does that matter?

And lo!

Here comes Victor in his police car, flashing his police lights behind them.

On the seat beside Victor is a  paper bag that contains something smelly.

 

I'll Do What You Do

They have almost reached Victor Harbor.

Shall we stop at the supermarket? asks Gaius.

What for? asks Kant.

Something for dinner, says Gaius. Then we can spend the night where we choose.

You mean camping? asks Kant. But we don't have a tent.

It's not winter, says Gaius. We can sleep on the beach if necessary.

I do like my comforts, says Kant.

Then we could hire a cabin says Gaius. 

No, no, says Kant. I'll do what you do.

They have arrived at the supermarket carpark.

You stay out here with Terence and the bikes, says Gaius. I'll go in.

Could you pick up some underpants? asks Kant. I'll reimburse you.

Certainly, says Gaius. What about socks?

Socks too, says Kant.

Gaius goes in to the Woolies.

I don't wear underpants, says Terence.

But you do have nice shorts, says Kant. What are those? Lizards?

Geckoes, says Terence.

May I ask you a question? asks Kant.

Yes, says Terence. 

What would you do with a horse? asks Kant.

That's a good question, says Terence. Can I ask you a question?

I suppose so, says Kant.

What would you do with a camel? asks Terence.

Dear me, says Kant. I shouldn't know what to do with a camel. 

Lead it, says Terence.

Is that what you'd do with a horse? asks Kant.

No, says Terence. 

Gaius comes out.

I've bought grapes and bananas, says Gaius. And a large block of cheese. And I hope these underpants will be acceptable.

Kant looks at the underpants, which are black.

Perfectly acceptable, says Kant. 

I bought size M, says Gaius. 

I usually buy a size S, says Kant. But I'm sure M will be fine.

And here are the socks, says Gaius. I bought cotton in case you have a dislike of synthetics.

Very thoughtful, says Kant. How much do I owe you?

Gaius gives him the receipt for the underpants and socks.

Pay me later, says Gaius. 

He drops the bananas, grapes and cheese into the basket, with Terence.

Phew! says Terence. 

What was that for? asks Gaius.

He's probably glad he doesn't have to sit with my underpants, says Kant. 

You show a great deal of empathy, says Gaius.

And he asks really good questions, says Terence.

Does he indeed? says Gaius. 

I asked him what he would do with a horse, says Kant.

And what did he answer? asks Gaius.

He asked me what I would do wth a camel, says Kant.

No doubt you were taken aback, says Gaius.

Wiseness And Fastdom

They set off towards Victor Harbor.

Terence is in Gaius's front basket, facing forward.

So Gaius hasn't seen the new long skinny rabbit.

He is talking to Kant.

What induced you to write it? asks Gaius. What is wrong with pure reason?

One can use it to reach opposing conclusions, says Kant.

But one normally doesn't, says Gaius.

True, says Kant. But once I got started, I had to keep going.

How many pages? asks Gaius.

Eight hundred, says Kant.

A weighty tome, says Gaius. 

I don't think many readers finished it, says Kant. 

Are you all right Terence? asks Gaius.

Yes, says Terence. It's a really good view.

He is not actually looking at it.

He is staring at his long skinny rabbit.

Its features are weird.

One ear, one eye, and one half of a smiling mouth with rabbit teeth are visible. The rest disappear round the back of the rabbit. 

You would make a bad parrot, says Terence.

What did you say Terence? asks Gaius.

Nothing, says Terence.

Kant looks across at Terence.

He was saying something about a bad parrot, says Kant.

No I wasn't, says Terence.

Gaius stops cycling. So does Kant.

This must be hard for you Terence, says Gaius. You don't currently have a parrot.

Or a horse, says Terence. But at least I've got this long skinny rabbit.

Is that our thermometer? asks Kant.

No it's a long skinny rabbit, says Terence.

With the thermometer inside, pursues Kant.

Yes, says Terence. I didn't want it to blow away in the wind.

A thermometer is unlikely to blow away in the wind, says Kant.

Not the thermometer, says Terence. The wrapper.

No harm done, says Gaius. Shall we continue?

Gaius and Kant set off again, down the road.

What's this about a parrot? asks Kant.

Terence usually has one, says Gaius. It needn't be an actual parrot. Any shore bird will do. But it helps if the bird is of a particular character.

That being? asks Kant.

I'm listening, says Terence.

What type of character do you require in a parrot? asks Kant.

Wiseness, says Terence.

Wisdom, says Gaius. 

And fastdom, says Terence.

Speed, says Gaius.

And obediomdom, says Terence.

Is Terence being funny? asks Kant.

Hard to determine, says Gaius. 

Long Skinny Rabbit

He must have realised it's Easter, says Gaius.

What has that got to do with anything? asks Kant.

He usually becomes grumpy, if reminded, says Gaius. 

I see, says Kant. And this time he didn't.

He got my chocolate rabbit, says Terence.

He did, says Gaius. Chocolate can be a mood changer. Shall we go now? The afternoon wears on.

It just struck me, says Kant, that my suitcase is locked in the car.

And Sweezus has the carkeys, says Gaius. What a nuisance.

We'll have to break in, says Terence.

No, says Kant. I shall just do without it.

What was in it? asks Gaius.

Spare socks, underpants and a copy of my Critique of Pure Reason, says Kant.

What made you pack that? asks Gaius.

The interview, says Kant. The one Sweezus keeps on postponing.

That doesn't explain why you brought it, says Gaius. 

Sometimes it helps, says Kant. Although sometimes it doesn't.

Now it doesn't, says Terence. Because it's locked in the car.

However, says Gaius, Sweezus and Arthur will no doubt join us in Goolwa this evening. They can't surf all night.

Yes, says Kant, so let's start our journey. Is it far?

About thirty six kilometres, via Victor Harbor, says Gaius. 

Will I be in the basket? asks Terence.

Yes, says Gaius. You'll have a good view.

Can I have the thermometer? asks Terence.

Yes, says Gaius. But be careful

I'm always careful, says Terence.

They wheel their bikes up to the car park. Check the doors of the car.

Yes. Locked.

Kant's suitcase with his socks, underpants and Critique of Pure Reason lies on the back seat.

Gaius lifts Terence into the basket at the front of his bike.

Terence arranges the Tic Tac box, the thermometer and the chocolate rabbit wrapper in front of his feet.

What if the chocolate rabbit wrapper blows away when they start moving?

I know! thinks Terence. I'll wrap it round the thermometer!

It's easy to do. And yay! He now has a long skinny rabbit.

All These Switches

Somewhere up the beach, Sweezus emerges from the water, dragging his bodyboard.

He makes his way towards Gaius, Kant and Terence.

They watch him coming.

Gaius tries to read his expression.

What's up? asks Sweezus.

Kant has your car keys, say Gaius. And we are leaving for Goolwa.

We might stay a while longer, says Sweezus. Surf's good here.

What about Arthur? asks Gaius. Is he still coughing? 

Nah, says Sweezus. He's okay. And the glass shard popped out of his pustule.

I know! says Terence. Look! He gave it to me!

Sweezus looks at the Tic Tac box Terence is holding out for his inspection.

What's that grey stuff? asks Sweezus.

Terence did not think the Tic Tac box contained any grey stuff.

He looks in.

Bumhole! The froth he poked in with the seagrass has diminished to form a grey mush.

It's still a usable sample, says Gaius.

Where's the glass shard? asks Sweezus

Under the sand, says Terence. I trickled sand on top so it wouldn't ruin my sample.

You thought of everything, little buddy, says Sweezus.

AND, says Terence, I'm not eating my rabbit.

What rabbit? asks Sweezus.

This one, says Terence, showing Sweezus his rewrapped rabbit.

Chocolate! says Sweezus. If you're not eating it, how about I have it?

Okay, says Terence.

He gives the chocolate rabbit to Sweezus, who unwraps it and bites off its ears with one bite.

Give me the wrapper, says Terence.

Sweezus finishes the rabbit and gives Terence the wrapper.

Well, says Gaius, I must congratulate Terence on his mature behaviour.

Go on then, says Terence.

Well done Terence, for giving up your chocolate and taking charge of the wrapper, says Gaius.

Yeah, says Sweezus. So you guys are heading to Goolwa?

Looks like it, says Gaius. We'll take the bikes. Unless...?

He looks at Kant. 

Kant is not obliged to go to Goolwa by bike. It is Arthur and his pustule that caused all these switches.

And now the pustule has popped.

Bicycle it is, says Kant. I find myself enjoying the challenge.

Awesome, says Sweezus. 

You can put that in your article about me, says Kant. Should you get round to writing it.

Shit yes, says Sweezus. No worries.

Kant hands him the car keys.

Sweezus zips them into his safety pocket and heads back to the surf.

Quite mature behaviour from Sweezus as well, observes Gaius.

I did not detect that, says Kant.

On Our Way To The Truth

Terence unwraps his chocolate rabbit.

Now what? says Terence.

You eat it, says Gaius. Or should I say, one generally eats it.

It looked better before, says Terence.

It did have more features, says Gaius. 

I'll wrap it up again, says Terence. So I won't eat it.

A good choice, says Gaius. If you eat it there's no telling where it will go.

I know, says Terence. 

He starts to rewrap his rabbit.

While you're doing that, says Gaius, I'll call Surfing-with-Whales.

He takes out his phone and calls the number.

Hey, says Surfing-with-Whales. 

Greetings, says Gaius.

Yeah, happy Easter, says Surfing-with-Whales. 

I wouldn't say that, says Gaius.

How come? asks Surfing-with-Whales. 

We're down at Waitpinga, examining the karenia mikimotoi, says Gaius. 

That stuff! says Surfing-with-Whales. 

Yes that stuff, says Gaius. Terence has collected a sample.

Has he still got Gloopy? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

No, says Gaius. That's the reason I called you. He left Gloopy on a 106 bus.

Dead Gloopy? asks Surfing-with-Whales. You want me to check out lost property?

No. The police are involved, says Gaius. I need you to make a statement.

It was an accident! says Surfing-with-Whales.

I've told Victor that, says Gaius. He wishes to ascertain whether Gloopy was dead before leaving Tasmania. 

WTF! says Surfing-with-Whales. 

I know, says Gaius. Anyway if you could just write a statement explaining what happened.

Sure, says Surfing-with-Whales. Then what?

Send it to me, says Gaius. I'll pass it on to Victor.

No worries, says Surfing-with-Whales. 

Gaius is pleased that at least that problem is sorted.

And now Kant has strolled back.

I think I got their attention, says Kant. 

Look! says Terence. A chocolate rabbit. I'm not going to eat it.

I cannot understand why humans manufacture chocolate rabbits, says Kant.

Spring, says Gaius. 

But it's autumn, says Kant.

Another layer to burrow through on our way to the truth, says Gaius.

Kant nods wisely.

Delays Delays

I suppose we don't need to tell them, says Gaius. They'll see that we've gone.

I've still got their car keys, says Kant.

That is a problem, says Gaius.

Does that mean WE can go in the car? asks Terence.

No it doesn't, says Gaius. It means we can't leave here just yet.

Let me try and attract their attention, says Kant.

Good luck, says Gaius.

Kant walks up the beach to where Gaius was earlier.

Delays, delays, says Gaius.

That's a good song, says Terence.

It isn't a song, says Gaius. It's me complaining.

Delays, delays, sings Terence.

Whitey and Fritzy come down from the carpark with their boards.

Nice song, thermometer guy, says Whitey, 

Whitey and Fritzy! says Terence. Guess what?

YOU guess what, says Fritzy. 

What? asks Terence.

It's Easter! says Whitey. And we got you something. Which hand?

That one, says Terence. 

Whitey brings that hand to the front. In it is a Kinder bunny, wrapped in foil.

It's a rabbit! cries Terence.

What is it? asks Gaius. Well that's nice. An Easter rabbit. 

He frowns slightly.

It's a bad idea to tell Terence it's Easter.

He asks too many questions.

Don't eat it all at once, says Fritzy.

I won't, says Terence.

Are you  going back in the water? asks Gaius.

Yeah, we are, says Fritzy.

Would you mind telling Sweezus and Arthur we're wanting to leave but we have their car keys, says Gaius.

No worries, says Whitey.

They head back to the surf with their boards.

This could work out well. The only thing that could go wrong is if Whitey or Fritzy reminds Sweezus it's Easter.

How to ruin his day.

Interconnectedness

Where is Terence? asks Gaius, upon his return.

Obtaining more froth, replies Kant.

More? says Gaius.

His first batch disappeared, says Kant. Or should I say, became a grey smear.

It would still have been useful, says Gaius. 

He didn't think so, says Kant. 

Terence comes back with a fresh handful of froth.

This time I'm keeping my hand open, says Terence. Have you found a good stick?

This piece of dead seagrass should do it, says Kant.

Is that why you were poking through the seaweed? asks Gaius. I did wonder.

Yes, says Kant. That is the reason.

Well then, says Gaius. Perhaps we can get this thing done.

Yes! says Terence. Give me the seaweed stick!

Kant gives it to him.

Terence pokes one end into the froth.

Is there some froth sticking to it? Yes. This is working!

He pokes the froth through the hole.

It goes in, but clings to the seagrass.

Put your finger there, says Kant. And draw the seagrass out slowly.

Terence does as instructed.

The seagass comes out. The froth stays in the Tic Tac box, just under the hole.

It was supposed to drop down on the sand, says Terence. So the sand could protect it

That is not necessary, says Gaius.

From the glass shard, which is under the sand, explains Kant.

A commendable thought, says Gaius. But if the froth touches neither.....

True, says Kant. There is no problem

But Terence doesnt like it.

He looks glum.

Look what I found in the seaweed, says Kant. Polyps!

Woop! says Terence, in an uncaring way.

You can pop them, says Kant.

Terence looks sideways at the polyps.

Two are popped already, says Terence.

I popped them, says Kant. The second one squirted salt water into my eye.

Cool! Terence takes the string of polyps.

They look like Arthur's pus-chool, says Terence.

That's what I thought, says Kant. It struck me that every story is interconnected.

Not every story, says Gaius.

Why do you say that? asks Kant.

I failed to attract the attention of either Sweezus or Arthur, says Gaius. 

They'll have to come in eventually, says Kant. Thus proving my point.

It was a jocular remark, says Gaius.

Was it?  Why yes, so it was, agrees Kant

Disentanglements

How will I get the froth into the Tic Tac box? wonders Terence.

I know! Poke it in with a stick!

He stops to look for one.

He sees a brown patch of seaweed nearby, with sticking out bits.

He heads towards it, although it's not sticks. 

The seaweed is a tangle of rubbery polyps and dried sea grass.

The dried sea grass looks stiff.

He pulls at a strand. The whole edifice comes with it.

Okay, says Terence. You're coming.

He drags it back to Kant.

Guess what? says Terence.

You have brought me some seaweed, says Kant. 

Not you, says Terence. This is to poke the froth into the box.

You've brought a good deal of it, says Kant.

I only had one hand, says Terence. And the seaweed was all stuck together.

Why only one hand? asks Kant.

Terence wonders if Kant is all there.

The other hand is the one he's holding the froth in.

He opens his other hand. But...wah!

Where is it?  All that's left is a dirty grey smear.

What's happened? asks Terence. 

Not that he thinks Kant will know.

Froth is made of bubbles, says Kant. And all your activity has caused them to burst, I imagine.

Bubbles? says Terence.

Yes, says Kant, but there is plenty more froth at the water's edge. Go and collect some. Meanwhile I'll disentangle the seaweed and find the best stick.

A good plan. Maybe Kant is not all that stupid. 

Terence runs off.

Kant begins to disentangle the seaweed.

The thing is to choose a piece that is stiff enough and thin enough to fit though the Tic Tac box hole.

He combs through the seaweed and discovers a fine string of polyps. He pops one.

It reminds him of the story of Arthur's pustule and the glass shard inside it. 

Truly, not only does every object have its own rich story, but the stories are interconnected.

He pops another one. 

A thin stream salt water squirts into his eye.

Froth Doesn't

Kant is peering into the Tic Tac box.

Terence comes back with a handful of sand.

What are you looking at? asks Terence.

This glass shard, says Kant. Reconstructing its history. 

Can I trickle the sand on it now? asks Terence.

Certainly, says Kant. It will be a new chapter.

Like in a story? asks Terence.

Yes, a story, says Kant, but more than a story.

Terence starts trickling.

He doesn't ask what Kant means by more than a story.

But Kant continues, because he wishes to express his new philosophical thought.

By that I mean seeing the whole, says Kant.

Terence gets that.

He too is seeing the hole.

Do I stop yet? asks Terence.

You might help me, says Kant. 

I asked first, says Terence.

I can only go back so far in the glass shard's story, says Kant. Tic Tac box, Arthur's pustule, a part of a glass bottle, but I know almost nothing about the glass bottle.

It broke, says Terence. Should I stop yet?

That is the one thing I do know, says Kant. What kind of bottle was it?

A vinegar bottle, says Terence. With Gloopy inside it. It fell out of a tree, in a play.

So many details are knowable, says Kant. It's a wonderful thing. Even a tiny glass shard has its own rich existence.

Yes, says Terence. And it's still going. 

Indeed, says Kant. It's now covered in sand. By the way, I think you should stop now.

I have, says Terence. I've run out of sand. 

Have you left enough room for the sample of karenia mikimotoi? asks Kant.

Course I have, says Terence. You wait here with the box and I'll go and collect some. 

What in? asks Kant.

In my hand, says Terence. 

He runs to a spot where a large heap of froth quivers.

And scoops up a handful.

On the way back it occurs to him that he may have a problem.

Sand trickles, froth doesn't.

Don't Really Think

 Arthur returns to the sea.

Terence runs back to Gaius and Kant, with the Tic Tac box.

I've got it! says Terence.

He thrusts it towards them.

It rattles.

What's in it? asks Kant.

I doubt it's a Tic Tac, says Gaius.

Wrong! says Terence. It isn't a Tic Tac.

That's what I meant, says Gaius. I doubt means I don't really think.

I must contest that definition, says Kant.

My doubt refers specifically to the Tic Tac, says Gaius. 

What is it then? asks Terence.

We don't know, says Kant. 

It's a shard from Arthur's pus-chool, says Terence.

It's good it came out, says Gaius. Sometimes these things can remain in one's body.

And travel though the bloodstream, says Kant.

Then what? asks Terence.

It may keep on travelling, says Kant. 

But do we know this can happen? asks Gaius.

They agree that they don't.

Anyway, says Terence. Arthur told me to sprinkle sand on the shard.

Very well, says Gaius. You do that, but then we'll be going. I'll tell Arthur and Sweezus.

He walks along the shore waving his arms at the surfers.

But they are looking towards the horizon, for incoming waves.

Terence places the Tic Tac box on the wet sand, and flicks the small plastic lid open.

You'll need dry sand, says Kant.

Why? asks Terence. 

Easier to sprinkle, says Kant.

Terence runs up the beach to the dry sand.

Kant remains with the Tic Tac box.

He peers in through the tiny aperture.

The glass shard catches the sun and gleams back at him.

What does it remember of its travels?

A new philosophical thought begins to take shape in Kant's head.

Small Hole

Terence has run off, to the spot where he last saw Arthur.

He stops.

Yes, Arthur is coming in on a wave.

Arthur glides in gracefully until....

....he comes off sideways.

He makes his way towards Terence, dragging his body board.

That was a good one, says Arthur.

You fell off, says Terence.

Only at the end, says Arthur. Do you want something?

Yes, says Terence.

What? asks Arthur.

Remember the Tic Tacs? asks Terence.

Not individually, says Arthur.

But the box, says Terence.

I remember it, says Arthur.

Where is it? asks Terence.

In my pocket, says Arthur.

I bet it fell out, says Terence.

It couldn’t have, says Arthur. These shorts have safety pockets.

He unzips a pocket.

Pulls out the Tic Tac box and shows it to Terence.

Yay! says Terence. Can I have it?

What do you want it for? asks Arthur.

Mickey Moto, says Terence. That’s the name of the froth.

I get it, says Arthur. You want it for a sample.

Yes, says Terence.

Gaius sent you, says Arthur.

He doesn’t even know, says Terence. He’s trying to borrow an evidence bag from Victor.

I don’t think you can borrow an evidence bag, says Arthur.

That’s what Victor said, says Terence. So can I have it?

Okay, says Arthur, But it won’t be easy to get the froth inside.

How do you know? asks Terence.

Small hole, says Arthur. Remember my pustule?

Yuck! says Terence. 

It burst, says Arthur, and the glass shard came out.

Where is it? asks Terence.

In the Tic Tac box, says Arthur. I wanted to keep it and look at it later.

It’ll ruin my froth, says Terence. Can I take it out?

No, says Arthur. Just sprinkle sand on it.

Terence likes this solution.

 

Mickey Moto

Where did you find them? asks Gaius.

Victor hands him the crocs.

They washed in, right in front of me, says Victor. First one, then the other.

Thank you, says Gaius. And I owe you an apology.

Why is that? asks Victor.

I haven't contacted Surfing-with-Whales regarding the accident, says Gaius.

That's not why I'm here, says Victor. I'm simply making a routine inspection.

Very commendable, says Kant. 

You have obviously been in the water, says Victor.

We both have, says Gaius.

I know YOU have, says Victor. Or your crocs would not have washed up where they did.

I was not in fact wearing them, says Gaius.

I was, says Kant.

No matter, says Victor. But I advise you both not to go back in.

Has there been a development? asks Gaius.

Dead cockles at Goolwa, says Victor. At least now we know what it is.

What what is? asks Gaius.

The froth, says Victor. It's called ...um... let me get this right...(he takes out his phone) karenia mikimotoi...

Mickey-moto! says Terence. He looks with renewed interest at the froth.

So does Gaius. 

Is it poisonous? asks Kant. I wore a mask, but the elastic broke when I bodysurfed in.

You did very well, says Gaius. 

I was carried along, says Kant. I hardly did anything.

Why were you out there? asks Victor.

Taking readings, says Kant.

And having philosophical thoughts says Gaius.

I suggest you call it a day, then, says Victor. 

All right, says Gaius. Perhaps we'll head over to Goolwa.

Can I keep some mickey-moto? asks Terence.

I doubt it will keep, says Gaius.

It would make a good comparison, says Kant. If we're going to Goolwa.

So it would, says Gaius. But what would we put it in? 

The Tic-Tac box! says Terence.

And where is that? asks Gaius.

Arthur had it, says Terence.

He may have dropped it, says Kant.

I hope not, says Victor. If so, he'll be hit by a fine.

It'll be in the pocket of his shorts, says Gaius.

Let's signal Arthur, says Terence.

He's too far out, says Gaius. He won't see us.

You people! says Victor. Call yourselves scientists, yet you don't have a suitable container.

We were not anticipating taking a sample, says Gaius.

Always be prepared, says Victor.

Like a boy scout, says Kant.

Like a policemen, says Victor. 

He takes a plastic bag out of his pocket.

Evidence bag, says Victor. Always at the ready.

I don't suppose... begins Gaius.

Forget it, says Victor.

What We Do Without

Gaius makes his way back to the sand.

What was it? asks Terence.

Kant is confirming it now, says Gaius. 

So what will it be? asks Terence.

We don't know yet, says Gaius. But I'm sure he will tell us.

He's still under water, says Terence. 

Gaius looks back out to sea.

There is no sign of Kant.

Or is there?

A large wave is obscuring the view.

And then woosh, the large wave breaks and Kant comes in with it.

He stands up.

His trousers have unrolled and his mask is trailing. One elastic has snapped. 

He waves the thermometer.

Nineteen! says Kant. It was right the first time.

At least now we know, says Gaius. But the surface temperature is the most relevant.

Indeed, agrees Kant. That's where the froth is.

He wipes some froth from his chin.

Did you find a pencil? asks Kant.

No, says Gaius. I used Terence's suggestion.

And his toe, says Terence. Because a wave rubbed my point out.

I could have lent you my pencil, says Kant.

Now you tell me, says Gaius.

It's in my jacket pocket, says Kant. Or it was.

His jacket lies in the sand, neatly folded.

What about paper? asks Gaius.

I always keep a sheet of paper at hand, says Kant. In case I am struck by a philosophical thought.

Very wise, says Gaius.

I had one while I was out there, says Kant pointing towards the next wave.

May we learn what it was? asks Gaius.

We are not rich due to what we possess, but what we can do without, says Kant.

Like Gloopy, says Terence. I do without him. AND a horse. AND a parrot.

Rich indeed, says Gaius.

It feels like the opposite, says Terence.

I know what you mean, says Gaius. My crocs have gone missing.

Sorry about that, says Kant.  I'm sure they'll drift in. Shall we start looking?

They walk up the beach.

More dead fish have washed up in the froth.

But no crocs are in evidence.

Look! says Terence. There's Victor!

Victor is walking towards them.

Curses! says Gaius. He'll be wanting that witness statement from Surfing-with-Whales.

Victor approaches.

Are these yours? asks Victor.

He exhibits the crocs.

Twenty Toe Six

Twenty point six, shouts Gaius. That's higher than normal for this time of year.

As you suspected! shouts Kant. Have you written it down?

Terence has noted it in the sand, says Gaius. I must take a photo.

He whips out his phone.

Where did you write it? asks Gaius.

Here, says Terence. And here.

He shows Gaius the two places.

Let me see, says Gaius..... Ninety!  I don't think that was right.

This one's right, says Terence, pointing at twenty point six.

Twenty six, says Gaius. You have left out the point. 

No, I haven't, says Terence.

Then where is it? asks Gaius.

A wave went over it, says Terence.

No matter, says Gaius. I'll put it back in.

He makes a point in the sand with his toe, and takes a quick photo..

Twenty toe six, says Terence.

Meanwhile Kant has waded further out.

He seems to be shouting.

What's he saying? asks Gaius.

He's saying twenty toe six, says Terence.

I don't think he is, says Gaius. But twenty point six would be consistent.

Yes, says Terence. So would twenty toe six.

It wouldn't, says Gaius. There is no such thing as twenty toe six.

But there is. Terence wonders why Gaius can't see it, when he used his own toe.

Kant is still shouting.

It may be a question, says Gaius. I hear an upward inflection.

He's sinking! says Terence.

Dear me, says Gaius. You may be right. I wonder if my crocs are giving him trouble. 

Kant has disappeared under the sea.

I shall have to go in, says Gaius. Hold my phone, Terence.

Can I make a funny video? asks Terence.

But Gaius has sploshed forward, and dived in.

Meanwhile Kant has got up again.

He is scanning the shore. Where is Gaius? He'll want to see this new reading.

Gaius surfaces beside him.

Are you all right?

Of course I am, says Kant. Didn't you hear me?

No, says Gaius. The roar of the waves drowned you out.

I'm sorry, says Kant.

I thought you might be having a problem with my crocs, says Gaius.

No, says Kant. Not now. But I had to let them go.

My crocs? says Gaius. Where are they?

On their way back to shore, says Kant.

You seem very sure of that, says Gaius, looking shorewards.

Everything that floats washes ashore in the end, says Kant.

Let us hope so, says Gaius. I did not bring spare shoes.

Look at this reading, says Kant, showing Gaius the thermometer.

Twenty point six. says Gaius. Same as it was closer in. 

No, says Kant. It was lower. I took a reading on the sea floor.

So it's gone up again while we were talking. What was it? asks Gaius.

Let me confirm it, says Kant

He disappears again.

Conscientious, thinks Gaius.

Until he remembers the crocs.

Bad At Being

Kant walks into the water.

He does not go far.

Forgot the thermometer, says Kant.

Here it is, says Gaius, stepping forward.

Kant takes it, and sploshes back in.

He turns again.

Is this far enough?

For a first reading, says Gaius.

Kant holds the thermometer just below the surface of the water.

A big wave comes in.

He drops it.

I've dropped it! calls Kant.

We saw that, says Gaius. Can you see it?

No, says Kant.

He's bad at being the thermometer guy, says Terence.

He's a beginner, says Gaius.

I wouldn't have dropped it, says Terence.

Found it! shouts Kant.

What's the reading? calls Gaius.

Nineteen, shouts Kant.

I suppose that's the temperature at the bottom, shouts Gaius.

It may be the temperature in between, shouts Kant. It wasn't down there long enough.

Shall I write down nineteen? asks Terence.

If you like, says Gaius. But it may be a false reading.

Okay, says Terence. 

He writes 90 in the sand with his finger. 

Gaius is too busy thinking what to do next, to take a photo.

Which perhaps doesn't matter.

I'll take a surface reading, shouts Kant.

Hold it for at least thirty seconds, shouts Gaius.

Starting NOW! shouts Kant.

He counts in his head up to thirty.

Twenty point six at the surface, shouts Kant.

Terence writes twenty point six in the sand.

Don't even ask what that looks like.

A Reason For Squeezing

Kant returns from the car park, wearing his mask.

Where is Sweezus? asks Kant.

He and Arthur are back in the water, says Gaius. 

I have his car keys, says Kant.

I'm sure they'll be quite safe with you, says Gaius.

Can we get started? says Terence.

Certainly, says Gaius. What would you like to do?

Work the thermometer, says Terence.

I was thinking more along the lines of counting dead creatures, says Gaius.

I've already done that, says Terence. One fish is the answer. And one dead horse leafy. 

Such a beautiful creature, says Kant. Where is it?

I squeezed it, says Terence, and it went a bit flat.

Any reason? asks Kant.

Squeezing is a reason, says Terence.

I mean a reason for squeezing, says Kant.

To get the spit out, says Terence. And I got some. But now you don't need it.

He certainly doesn't, says Gaius. The cure for coughing was horse saliva. 

When was this? asks Kant. 

Many years ago, says Gaius. I was just thinking back.

But we're not here to think back, says Kant.

True, says Gaius. Would you like to 'work the thermometer'?

Me? says Kant. I suppose so. How far in should I go?

Can you roll up those trousers? asks Gaius.

They're not my best trousers, says Kant. I'll roll them.

He rolls up his trousers, revealing his tapes.

What are those for? asks Terence.

To hold up my socks, says Kant. 

Where do the tapes stop? asks Gaius.

In the pockets of my jacket, says Kant. Attached to a spring in a box,

Ingenious, say Gaius. I often have trouble with my socks disappearing.

Where to? asks Terence.

Into the ends of my crocs, says Gaius.

Yikes, says Terence.

Perhaps I could borrow your crocs, says Kant. I don't fancy walking into the water with bare feet. There may be pebbles.

Yes you may, says Gaius kicking his crocs off. 

Kant unhooks the tapes from his socks. Takes off his shoes and socks and steps into the crocs.

These are comfy, says Kant.

I know, says Gaius. Now, here's the thermometer. Firstly, measure the surface temperature of the water. When you have a reading, call it out to me.

No, call it to me, says Terence. 

All right, to Terence, says Gaius. And I'll write it down.

And I'll write it down too, says Terence. In case Gaius hasn't got a pencil.

Do YOU have a pencil? asks Gaius.

Who needs a pencil? says Terence. I've got all this sand to write on.

That is so, but the tide will come in and wash it away, says Gaius.

You can take a photo, says Terence.

Gaius is astonished at the simplicity of this solution.

Do They Think The Same Thought?

Fritzy and Whitey decide to head back to the surf.

Thanks guys, says Sweezus.

No worries, says Fritzy.

Bye, says Terence. 

See ya, thermometer guy, says Whitey.

So that's what they call you, says Gaius. 

Because that's what I am, says Terence. And they said I'm good at science.

On what basis? asks Gaius.

I invented a double thermometer, says Terence.

What does it do? asks Gaius.

Nothing, says Terence, because I don't have one.

We shall have to make do with our single thermometer, says Gaius.

Yes! says Terence. Where is it?

In my pocket, says Gaius.

Cu-huh! Arthur coughs up a TicTac.

It lands on the sand beside the dead leafy.

Cu-huh! Kant starts to cough too.

Everyone looks at the TicTac that Arthur coughed up.

Do they think the same thought?

Of course not.

But Gaius is reminded. 

Yes, says Gaius. I once listed a few cures for coughs, using natural ingredients. Now what were they....? Wolf's liver in mulled wine, bear's gall with honey.... hmm, obviously out of the question.

I should say so, says Kant. I shall just wear a mask.

Do you have one? asks Gaius.

In my suitcase, says Kant. It's in the locked car.

Go for it. Here's the keys, says Sweezus.

Ashes of tips of cow's horn, says Gaius. No, that's no good either.

No cows, says Arthur.

Kant goes off with the keys.

Horse's saliva, says Gaius. Taken in a drink for three days in succession. 

Here's a horse! says Terence picking up the dead leafy. What's a saliva?

Spit, says Sweezus. 

Terence squeezes the leafy.

Its mouth is small, but a few tiny bubbles ooze out.

Intricate Creature

Gaius and Kant have arrived at the Waitpinga car park.

Phew, says Kant. How did I do?

Very well, says Gaius. But tomorrow you may have sore muscles.

I'll know why, says Kant.

There's Katherine's car, says Gaiuis.

They wheel their bikes over.

The car is empty, but for a towel on the back seat, and a suitcase. 

Is it locked? asks Kant.

Gaius tries all the handles.

Yes, it's locked.

That means I can't get to my suitcase, says Kant.

They'll be down on the beach, says Gaius. Sweezus no doubt has the key.

He squints into the distance.

I see them down there with Terence, says Gaius. Let's go and meet them. 

Kant suppresses a cough.

Would you prefer to wait up here? asks Gaius. 

No, says Kant. I'll come with you. I'd like to join in.

Excellent, says Gaius. Perhaps you can handle the thermometer.

Certainly, says Kant. 

They wheel their bikes down to the sand.

It soon becomes clear that the two surfers with Terence are strangers.

Hello, says Gaius.

Look! says Terence. A horse leafy! And I stepped on a dead fish so that's number one.

Indeed, says Gaius. And I see you have been making new friends.

Yeah, says Fritzy. I'm Fritzy. 

Whitey, says Whitey.

They're keeping an eye on me, says Terence.

And why is that necessary? asks Gaius, looking out to sea and seeing the answer.

Sweezus and Arthur have caught the same wave and are riding it in.

Sweezus had to, says Terence. Arthur was coughing.

There are TicTacs in Katherine's glove box, says Gaius.

Arthur's already got them, says Terence.

That's the last we'll see of the TicTacs, says Gaius.

Kant coughs again.

But I'm sure I can come up with an alternative, says Gaius.

Sweezus splashes out of the water, followed by Arthur.

How are you, Arthur? asks Gaius.

Okay, says Arthur. 

He choked on some TicTacs, says Sweezus. So I had to go in.

Well, we're all here now, says Gaius. And it appears Terence has found a dead leafy sea dragon.

Horse, says Terence. 

Kant looks closely at the dead leafy sea dragon or horse.

He coughs again.

Its leafy parts move in the breeze he has created.

Such an intricate creature.

He has always considered that the beautiful may be small.

One Horse Leafy

How many have you counted? asks Fritzy.

One, says Terence. The one that I stepped on. 

You should wash your foot, says Whitey.

I'm not allowed in the water, says Terence.

Yeah, he's the thermometer guy, says Fritzy. 

Without a thermometer, says Whitey.

I told you, it's coming, says Terence.

On a bike, says Fritzy.

Is it a double thermometer? asks Whitey.

Why ask the kid that? asks Fritzy.

How else does it pedal,? asks Whitey.

There's no such thing as a double thermometer, says Terence. 

I was kidding, says Whitey. 

There might be, says Fritzy. Just that you've never seen one.

What would you do with it? asks Whitey.

Dunno, says Fritzy.

I know! says Terence. 

Tell us, says Fritzy.

Take two temperatures, says Terence.

Yeah but whose? asks Whitey.

The top of the sea and the bottom of the sea, says Terence. At the same time. 

Hey! says Whitey. This kid knows his science.

I'm in a team, says Terence.

He pokes at the curly thing with his foot.

Aw, says Whitey. You found a dead leafy.

I know, says Terence. A dead leafy horse.

Sea dragon, says Fritzy.

We call them a horse, says Terence.

Are you counting them too? asks Whitey.

Yes, says Terence. One dead fish, one dead horse leafy.

Know what I heard? asks Fritzy.

What? asks Whitey.

I heard they're finding dead cockles at Goolwa, says Fritzy. And the same dirty froth.

That's heaps bad, says Whitey.

Lucky we've got science guy, says Fritzy.

Thermometer guy, says Terence. 

Thermometer Guy

Don't move, says Arthur.

Do I have to keep bending down? asks Terence.

No, but don't go anywhere, says Arthur. I'm heading out for that wave.

You're supposed to watch me, says Terence.

I'll be watching, says Arthur. And you can watch me.

Okay, says Terence.

But he is not going to watch Arthur.

He bends down again to look at the curly thing he was looking at before Arthur told him not to move.

What are you? asks Terence.

The curly thing doesn't answer.

Terence looks up.

Arthur is paddling towards the fast growing wave.

The wave builds towards him.

Sweezus returns with his board.

Okay little buddy?

Yes, says Terence. Arthur's watching me from out there.

Yeah? says Sweezus. And what would he do if something happened?

Like what? asks Terence.

Never mind, says Sweezus. I'm back now.

Arthur has missed the wave, and is now paddling out to the next one.

But the two surfers they met in the car park have caught it.

They drag their boards into the shallows.

Hey! says Fritzy.

Whitey coughs.

Did Arthur leave the TicTacs? asks Sweezus.

No, says Terence.

Going out? asks Fritzy.

Yeah, when my friend comes in, says Sweezus. That's him out there.

I'm whacked, says Whitey.

Me too, says Fritzy. 

Must be the algae, says Sweezus. You guys going?

Nah we might wait a bit and then go back in, says Fritzy.

Sweezus sees a big wave coming, way out there. 

Will Arthur catch it? 

No, Arthur is bobbing up and down.

Could he be coughing?

He might be in trouble, says Sweezus

He's probably just coughing, says Whitey. Like we all are.

Yeah, but he's also got a fever, says Sweezus. 

And a pus-chool, says Terence.

Shit, man, says Fritzy. You better get out there. We'll keep an eye on the kid.

Thanks, says Sweezus, chucking his bodyboard into the shallows.

I'm not a kid, says Terence. I'm the thermometer guy, remember?

Where's your thermometer? asks Fritzy.

Coming on a bicycle, says Terence. So I'm counting dead fish.

Curly Moment In Space And Time

Sweezus and Terence have made their way down to the beach.

They are scanning the water for Arthur.

I see him, says Sweezus. He's down that way.

They head that way. 

Terence steps on a dead fish.

Yerk! says Terence.

Better you than me, says Sweezus.

Yes, says Terence. You're bigger.

That's not why, says Sweezus.

Look, that's my footprint! says Terence. 

Leave it, says Sweezus. Come on, Arthur's coming in.

Arthur has caught a middle sized wave and glides in on his bodyboard.

He rolls to a stop and stands up in the poisonous froth.

We brought you some TicTacs, says Terence.

In case you were coughing, says Sweezus. 

I wasn't, says Arthur, but thanks. He takes a TicTac.

Lemon, says Arthur.

That's all there was, says Sweezus. What's it like out there?

Some guys are coughing, says Arthur.

Maybe they'd like a TicTac, says Sweezus.

Ask them when they come in, says Arthur.

Can I look for dead fish? asks Terence.

What for? asks Sweezus.

Science, says Terence.

Sweezus is impressed. Sure you can, little buddy. But just count, don't touch 

Terence wanders off to look for dead fish and count them.

I might go up to the car and get my board, says Sweezus. Keep an eye on Terence. 

Okay, says Arthur. And leave me the TicTacs.

Okay, says Sweezus.

He goes. 

Arthur sees a wave building up in the distance, his mouth full of TicTacs.

Terence bends down to look at something curly.

It's a moment

in space 

and in time.

Things That Are Better Than Nothing

They arrive at the Waitpinga Beach car park.

Several surf vans are already there.

Told you, says Sweezus. It takes more than poisonous froth and sore throats to put surfers off.

Did you bring anything? asks Arthur.

Couple of body boards, says Sweezus. It was all I could fit in Katherine's boot.

Better than nothing, says Arthur. Let's go.

Can't leave Terence, says Sweezus. But you go.

He pops the boot open.

Arthur gets out.

Takes a body board and heads down the track to the beach.

Can I sit in the front now? asks Terence.

Sure, says Sweezus. Squeeze through.

Terence squeezes half way through to the front seat and stops.

What is it? asks Sweezus.

Just checking for pus-chools, says Terence.

He would've told us if it burst, says Sweezus. And he'd have had to stop and squeeze out the glass splinter.

Okay, says Terence, coming through.

Look at all those guys out there, says Sweezus.

Can't, says Terence. I'm too low.

I'll grab the towel, says Sweezus.

I was sitting on the suitcase, says Terence.

Geez, were you? says Sweezus. Kant's suitcase. Did you scratch it?

No, says Terence.

I hope not, says Sweezus. 

A new surf van pulls up beside them.

Two surfers get out.

Hey, says Sweezus. What's the story?

The surfers both start to cough.

That sounds nasty, says Sweezus. 

Be okay when we get out there, says one of the surfers. Hey, are you that guy...?

Sweezus, says Sweezus. 

And I'm that guy Terence, says Terence.

Cool, says the surfer. I'm Fritzy and he's Whitey.

G'day! says Whitey. See you guys out there.

Not me, says Terence. I'm the thermometer guy.

No kidding, says Whitey.

He and Fritzy grab their boards and head down the track, coughing.

Hope Arthur's not coughing, says Sweezus.

We should go down and see, says Terence.

Yeah, okay, says Sweezus. I wonder if Katherine keeps cough lollies in her glove box.

He opens the glove box.

A half full box of yellow Tic Tacs falls out.

Yellow.

But better than nothing.

Never Get Anything

Are we there yet? asks Terence.

About half way, says Sweezus.

Which half? asks Terence.

That's a really dumb question, says Sweezus.

I've got nothing to do, says Terence. 

You shouldn't have left Gloopy on the bus, says Arthur.

I know, says Terence.

Cheer up, says Sweezus. When we get to Waitpinga there'll be heaps to do.

Like what? asks Terence.

Remember the thermometer? says Arthur.

Where is it? asks Terence.

Gaius has got it, says Arthur.

I'm allowed to use it, says Terence. If I sink to the bottom.

I don't reckon Gaius would've said that, says Sweezus.

He said it was a good idea, says Terence.

Did he? says Sweezus.

But what can I do NOW? asks Terence.

Look at the scenery, says Sweezus.

I'm too low, says Terence.

Sit on my stuff, says Sweezus.

His stuff is under a towel next to Terence.

Beside it is a small suitcase.

The suitcase is flat, the towel stuff is lumpy.

So Terence sits on the suitcase.

Now he can see.

Boring trees and dead bushes.

I spy something brown, says Terence.

Everything, says Arthur.

Correct, says Terence. Your turn.

I spy something yellow, says Arthur

The sun, says Terence.

No, says Arthur.

The road sign, says Sweezus.

No, says Arthur.

We give up, says Terence.

The pustule on the back of my leg, says Arthur.

Good one, bro, says Sweezus. Except no one can see it.

Do you want to? asks Arthur.

No way, says Sweezus. And be careful. Don't pop it or Katherine will crack a fruity.

What's a pus-chool? asks Terence.

A pimple filled with sticky yellow pus, says Sweezus.

It'll probably pop by itself, says Arthur. There's glass in it.

Yikes! says Terence.

Don't worry little buddy, you won't get one, says Sweezus.

Because I never get anything, says Terence.

 

Forget The Rational Mind

Terence chooses the car.

He sits in the back seat and Arthur sits in the front, next to Sweezus.

They head off to Waitpinga.

Leaving Gaius in Victor Harbor with Kant.

Shall we set off at once? asks Gaius. 

Err, yes, let us set off at once, says Kant.

I heard you say you had never ridden a bicycle, says Gaius.

I did say that, says Kant.

But you think it should be easy, says Gaius.

I do, says Kant.

Well, says Gaius. Confidence is everything. You go in front and I'll follow.

Just for the first bit, says Kant. 

Yes just for the first bit, says Gaius. After that, we'll ride in tandem.

And get to know one other, says Kant.

Certainly, says Gaius. I have heard of you, of course.

And I you, says Kant.

He grasps the handlebars of Arthur's hired bike, and lifts one leg over the cross bar.

Foot on pedal, says Gaius. And push off!

Kant follows the instructions. Foot on pedal, push off.

With the other pedal, says Gaius, when nothing happens.

Oh, of course, says Kant. The rational mind sometimes....

Forget the rational mind, says Gaius. Launch yourself forward , and try to keep upright.

Kant launches himself forward. Hurrah! 

He moves forward, and keeps upright. 

Are you behind me? shouts Kant, not willing to turn round and look.

I am! says Gaius. Well done. You're a natural.

He catches up with Kant.

They are now heading out of Victor Harbor.

We should soon see the Waitpinga turnoff, says Gaius.

I hear it is scenic, says Kant.

Scenic? says Gaius. I suppose so, but that's not why we're going.

I thought it was, says Kant. So why are we going?

To examine the algal bloom that is killing the fish and causing rashes and sore throats in the surfers, says Gaius.

Kant is alarmed.

I see you are alarmed, says Gaius. Didn't Sweezus tell you?

No he didn't, says Kant.

The scallywag, says Gaius. He probably wanted an excuse to come down here and go surfing with Arthur.

In the algal bloom? asks Kant. That sounds risky. And he seems such a sensible young man.

We shall see, says Gaius. I wouldn't put it past the two of them to have planned it. 

I must remember to keep well away from the water, says Kant.

I shall be venturing into it, says Gaius. But only far enough to take temperature readings.

Aha, says Kant. So your theory is that the algal bloom is due to warming waters?

Yes, says Gaius. I see you have a scientific mind.

A philosophical mind, says Kant. 

Like my friends, Vello and David, says Gaius.

No, not like them, says Kant. We agree on sensation, but disagree on perception and what comes after.

It takes all kinds, says Gaius.

But we can't all be right, says Kant.

Indeed, says Gaius. I for example have had to admit that some of my medical remedies have proved ineffective. But I stand by the cabbage.

The cabbage? asks Kant.

As a poultice, says Gaius. In fact I would have suggested a cabbage poultice to Arthur, but I knew what he'd say.

I tend to stay away from doctors, says Kant. 

Gaius nods in agreement. 

How pleasant is this conversation!

Particularly without Terence to keep interrupting.