I Wings

It's not the same! wails Terence.

What now? asks Gaius.

Denis ruined my muffin, says Terence.

Gaius takes a serious look at the muffin.

It seems intact, says Gaius. And it has gained an advantage.

The muffin is listening. 

What advantage?

What advantage? asks Terence.

It will be easier to get him in and out of the egg box, says Gaius.  

Yes, says Denis. That's what I was thinking.

But he's getting wings, says Terence. Has everyone forgotten?

The muffin hasn't forgotten. 

I wings! says the muffin.

I seem to have improved its understanding, says Denis.

Where are the instructions? asks Terence.

Leonardo's instructions? says Gaius. Don't you have them?

Terence searches his pockets.

No, says Terence. 

I hope they weren't in one of my pockets, says Gaius. If so they're now in the wash.

Becoming unreadable, says Denis. 

Now what? asks Terence.

We shall have to come up with our own design, says Gaius. It shouldn't be beyond us.

Have you ever designed wings? asks Denis.

No. Have you? asks Gaius.

No, says Denis. But give me some paper and a pencil.

Roo-kai has been listening.

He comes over. 

I have wings, says Roo-kai.

Of course, says Denis. I wonder if you'd mind spreading them.

Roo-kai spreads his wings.

I wings! says the muffin.

They're too big, says Terence. 

I'll make them smaller, says Denis.

He draws a set of wings, like the wings of Roo-kai, but smaller.

Scissors? says Denis.

Gaius points to a drawer where there might be scissors. 

Denis, having found a pair of scissors, cuts out the wings.

You're getting wings, says Terence. 

I wings, says the muffin.

Done, says Denis. Now to attach them.

Paper wings? says Gaius.

Temporary, says Denis. Got any toothpicks?

I doubt it, says Gaius. But check in that drawer, behind the candles.

I only need two, says Denis.

Yes! behind the candles are two unused (let us assume) toothpicks.

Denis pokes a toothpick through each paper wing.

Then he attaches each wing to the muffin.

He stands back to assess his work on the muffin.

I wings, says the muffin, using them like crutches to move to the edge of the table.

Hole Open

 Denis Diderot has found a saucer, and placed the spoon on it.

The foam on the spoon quivers,

Done, says Denis Diderot. Anything else?

Examine the hole in the muffin, says Gaius. 

Denis examines the hole in the muffin.

At least it's stopped coughing, says Denis. 

Is all the foam out? asks Gaius.

I believe so, says Denis. Though there may be some residue.

What's residue? asks Terence.

Remaining particles, says Gaius. 

So what do we do? asks Terence.

Either we fill the hole in the muffin, or we leave it open, says Gaius.

What's your suggestion? asks Denis.

Ask the muffin, says Gaius. Now hold still, Terence. I'm attaching your claw.

Denis addresses the muffin.

Would you prefer we left your hole open, or closed? asks Denis.

Wen-I-no-wear, says the muffin.

That's not an answer, says Denis. All right. I'll ask it another way.

Again he addresses the muffin.

Would you prefer your hole open? asks Denis. 

The muffin would prefer his hole closed, but not with just anything.

That foam was disgusting.

He wants it closed, says Terence. He wants to be like he was. And he wants to have wings.

The muffin is grateful to Terence, for knowing his feelings.

Good, says Gaius. See to it, Denis. I need to wash my hands before my fingers stick together.

Sure, says Denis.

He is still thinking of Henriette, and how she will be amused by this story. 

So he will amuse her.

He picks up the muffin. Holds it, cupped in two hands.

His fingers meet around the middle of the muffin.

He squeezes. The hole closes.

He  puts it down.

What did you do to the muffin? cries Terence.

Reshaped it, says Denis. No hole, see? But it's still the same muffin.

Terence looks at his muffin.

It is taller and thinner. 

Its seedy eyes are misaligned.

It's not the same muffin.

 

Claws Come Off Best

Back at Gaius's house, everyone is busy.

Gaius has unpacked, put on a load of washing, and is looking for fish glue.

Denis Diderot is checking his emails,

Terence is showing Ageless lobster his claw.

I had a glowing finger, says Terence, but it needed a battery.

Claws come off best, says Ageless lobster.

Very good, says Gaius, who has found the fish glue. Claws come off best. Did you hear that Denis?

No, says Denis.

Ageless here says claws come off best, says Gaius. It's a double entendre.

Denis can't be bothered with a double entendre. He has received an email from Henriette.

Henriette has replied, says Denis.

What did she say? asks Gaius. If it's not too private. 

She says On what? says Denis

On what? says Gaius. What is that a reply to? 

That depends, says Denis. 

I see, says Gaius. You said that depends and she is now asking on what.

Exactly, says Denis. So I'm still in the dark.

As I see it you now have carte blanche, says Gaius. It's seems she's leaving it up you what further correspondence depends on.

You may be right, says Denis.

I am right, says Gaius. Hold Terence's claw for a moment. I need to apply fish glue to the gap in his hand.

Yikes! says Terence.

It won't hurt, says Gaius. 

No! Look out of the back window! says Terence. It's Roo-kai!

So it is, says Gaius, opening the sliding glass door.

Roo-kai hops in with the muffin in the egg box.

He puts it on the floor and lets go of the string.

Gaius looks down at the muffin.

Well done Roo-kai. says Gaius. What an ingenious way to bring home a sample.

Terence looks down as well.

There is a hole, filled with white foam, in his muffin.

And the muffin is coughing.

We must remove the sample at once, says Gaius. That may be an allergic reaction. Will you do it, Denis? I'm dealing with fish glue so time is of the essence.

Okay, says Denis. I'll scoop it out with a spoon.

He finds a spoon in the kitchen drawer, and scoops out the foam.

Where shall I put it? asks Denis.

On a saucer for now, says Gaius. 

While looking for a saucer, it occurs to Denis that Henriette might like this story.

It's Only A Cake

Roo-kai flies to Henley, with the muffin squeezed into its egg box, suspended by string.

He flies low, so the muffin can see.

He arrives at Henley, lands on a bench, and let's go of the string.

How did that feel? asks Roo-kai.

Wen, says the muffin.

When you were up there, says Roo-kai.

I-no-wear says the muffin.

You'll need to progress beyond that one sentence, says Roo-kai.

I no, says the muffin.

Words will come, says Roo-kai. 

They survey the scene in silence. 

White foam blobs shiver on the sand and the esplanade. There are even a few on the bench.

I promised Gaius I'd bring him a sample, says Roo-kai.

The muffin looks at the foam blobs.

A gust of wind blows them away.

Not sure how I'll do it, says Roo-kai.

I do it, says the muffin.

Well said, says Roo-kai. You tried to mimic my words. Or was that an offer?

Offa, says the muffin.

Wait here says Roo-kai. He rises and flies down to the beach, where there are plenty of foam blobs.

He selects one. And gathers it onto his wing.

Now he can't fly or he'll lose it. 

So he walks up the steps, with one wing protecting the foam blob.

The muffin watches. 

So this is what parrots do when they find things, thinks the muffin. 

Roo-kai hops back onto the bench.

Move over, says Roo-kai. I'll squeeze the foam blob in beside you.

The muffin tries, but can't make more room.

The egg box is smaller that it was before Leonardo started tinkering.

I see that you can't, says Roo-kai. Never mind, we can solve this.

He ponders the options.

1. Place the foam blob on top of the muffin (but it might blow away)

2.  Place the foam blob under the muffin (which would ruin the foam blob)

3.  Ditch the muffin (but Terence wouldn't like that)

4. Make a foam-blob-sized hole in the muffin (after all, it's only a cake)

Tell me if this hurts, says Rookai.

Cradling the foam blob with one wing, he leans over the muffin.

And pierces its face with his beak.

He withdraws his beak.

Hurts, says the muffin.

You did offer, says Roo-kai. Sorry, but the damage is done now, we may as well continue.

Tin you, says the muffin.

Roo-kai transfers the the foam blob into the hole in the face of the muffin.

Picks up the string.

And arises. 

They fly back to Gaius's house, with their mission accomplished 

Two Uses Of String

Gaius and Denis are busy reassemblig their bikes.

Belle has gone home in a taxi.

Terence is introducing Roo-kai to the muffin.

It's getting made into a parrot, says Terence. It just needs some wings.

It will need more than that, says Roo-kai.

No-wear, says the muffin.

I taught it to say that, says Terence.

Why that in particular? asks Roo-kai.

I was explaining what to say if it knows where something is, says Terence.

Nowhere? says Roo-kai. That's not very useful.

It's short for I know where, says Terence. It's only meant to say it if it knows.

And you don't, says Roo-kai. 

Yes, says Terence. If I lose something. 

Like your claw, says Roo-kai. Here it is, by the way.

Roo-kai hands Terence the claw that he lost back in June.

The muffin is listening and learning.

Terence loses something. The parrot finds it. But what are the wings for?

Okay, says Roo-kai. That's done. Now I'm heading to Henley.

What for? asks Terence.

Observing the foam, says Roo-kai. It's all over the beach and the esplanade. 

I no-wear, says the muffin.

He is practising the words Terence said no-wear was short for.

Would the muffin like to come with me? asks Roo-kai.

Yes! says Terence. You can teach him to fly.

Hardly, says Roo-kai. But I can show him what flying is like, and show him what's happening along our coastline.

Gaius has finished reassembling his bicycle.

Roo-kai! says Gaius. Did I hear you say you're going to Henley?

Yes, there's an abundance of foam there, says Roo-kai. It blew ashore overnight.

Could I trouble you to bring me a sample? asks Gaius. I'm off home now.

I'll drop by this evening, says Roo-kai.

He steps forward to pick up the muffin. 

How will he do this? thinks the muffin.

Are you taking the muffin? asks Gaius. 

I offered to, says Roo-kai. Does he have a container?

The egg box! says Terence.

That's for the cuttlefish eggs, says Gaius. It now has a door. It may be too tight for the muffin.

It won't be, says Terence. 

Gaius produces the egg box, and opens its circular door.  

He wants to see out, says Terence.

Squeeze his bottom half in gently, says Gaius.

Got any string? asks Roo-kai. So I can fly unimpeded.

We're in luck, says Gaius. My bike's flat pack was secured with it. There's some string on the ground.

Soon the muffin is ready to fly to Henley.

Suspended from a real parrot. 

This is simpler than he expected.

Wings Aren't Like Shorts

 Bump bump....rurrrrrr.

The plane lands in Adelaide.

Passengers stand up to open their overhead lockers.

Gaius takes his backpack down, and puts it on his seat, beside Denis.

Shall I get yours down as well? asks Gaius.

Yes thanks, says Denis. What shall I do with this muffin?

Give it to Terence, says Gaius. And Terence, stay right where you are.

Terence sits on the armrest with his muffin-parrot.

You're getting wings, says Terence. 

No-wear? asks the muffin.

Wings aren't like shorts, says Terence.

The muffin-parrot doesn't want to know what wings are NOT like.

But what they are like.

Leonardo stands up, one seat forward.

He hands Terence a folded piece of paper.

Wings, says Leonardo. Not quite finished.

Thanks, says Terence.

Leonardo edges past Belle to retrieve his backpack from the overhead locker.

Bye, Leonardo, says Belle. 

Goodbye, says Leonardo. Let me know how the wings went.

How? asks Belle.

He hands her a card. 

The passengers shuffle forward, along with Leonardo.

Belle stands up.

Did you get the wings? asks Belle.

No, says Terence. Only this folded-up piece of paper.

That's the design for the wings, says Belle. Don't lose it.

Okay, says Terence. Can I get down yet?

Yes, says Gaius. It looks like we're moving. Hold on to your muffin.

Terence jumps down with the muffin.

That was like flying, says Terence. 

Not what I imagined, thinks the muffin. 

At last they are off the plane and heading to the baggage carousel to pick up their bikes.

We'll unpack them outside, reassemble them and ride back to my house says Gaius.

I'm getting a taxi, says Belle.

She heads outside, but comes back in straight away.

Roo-kai's come to meet you, says Belle.

Yay! cries Terence, running to the exit with his muffin.

Roo-kai is waiting outside.

Have you found my claw? asks Terence. 

Yes, says Roo-kai. I have found it.

You're the best parrot ever, says Terence. 

Roo-kai looks at the muffin that Terence is holding. It has a face like a parrot. Someone has spent a long time on it, considering it's fate.

The muffin looks with its black seedy eyes at Roo-kai.

Trying to work out where his wings are.

Where Wings Go

It's a question of timing, says Gaius.

How long have we got? asks Denis.

We don't know how long the algae will take to get to Port Lowly, says Gaius.

Once the eggs are removed, that won't matter, says Denis.

We must consider where we will keep them, says Gaius.

In Terence's egg box, I suppose, says Denis. 

Yes, how are the designs for your egg box going, Terence? asks Gaius.

Leonardo is doing it, says Terence. 

That's good to hear, says Gaius. But we'll be landing soon. Perhaps I should talk to him.

He stands up and taps Leonardo on the shoulder.

Yes? says Leonardo.

The egg box, says Gaius. Could you show me the designs?

I can do better than that, says Leonardo. 

He hands Gaius an egg box, with a circular door attached by a hinge. The door is transparent.

Impressive, says Gaius. I see you've used Terence's muffin box. And added a transparent door.

I reduced it in size, says Leonardo, and made use of the cellophane wrapper, part of which forms the door, then I rolled up the rest to fashion a workable hinge.

I applaud you, says Gaius. And by the way, you did a good job making the muffin look like a parrot.

I'm designing some wings now, says Leonardo.

We will shortly be landing in Adelaide. All passengers must now return to their seats, announces a flight attendant.

I'd better sit down, says Gaius. 

Don't sit down! shouts Terence.

Gaius stops in mid knee-bend.

Good reflexes! says Denis.

Was I about to sit on the muffin? asks Gaius, twisting.

No, but two seconds later you might have, says Terence.

How's that? asks Gaius, still crouching.

He's having a flying lesson, says Terence. He was about to jump down off the armrest, onto your seat.

Where is he now? asks Gaius. He's not on the armrest.

I've got him, says Denis.

So I could have sat down, says Gaius. And why was he having a flying lesson?

So he can fly, says Terence. 

Leonardo is designing some wings, says Gaius. I suggest you wait till they're ready.

The muffin-parrot, safe in Denis's hands, wonders what wings are.

Furthermore, he has a head but no body.

Where will they go?

Wen-U-No-Wear

Not long now, says Gaius.

I'd forgotten how long this flight was, says Denis Diderot. It's years since I did it.

Indeed, says Gaius. One has plenty of time to gather one's thoughts.

Is that what you've been doing? asks Denis.

Yes, says Gaius. Weighing the pros and cons of our cuttlefish project.

Removal of the eggs? asks Denis. 

Terence's head pokes up, from the seats in front.

Can I come over? asks Terence.

Come round, says Gaius. It's safer.

Terence disappears, then comes back, via the aisle.

He is holding what once was a muffin and now is the head of a parrot.

What's this marvel? asks Gaius. 

My parrot, says Terence. Leonardo did it.

He is talented, says Denis, admiring the features. 

Are these passionfruit seeds? asks Gaius. They make excellent eyes.

Yes, says Terence. And this is his beak. But it's only made of muffin

I see that, says Gaius. 

And when he talks he sounds a bit....begins Terence

Muffled? asks Denis.

Ha ha, laughs Gaius. Sorry, Terence. How does he sound?

Muffiny, says Terence.

I can't help until I hear what he actually sounds like, says Gaius.

Talk, muffin, says Terence.

The muffin is embarrassed. What should it say?

It probably doesn't know what a parrot should sound like, says Denis.

True, says Gaius. Let us make parrot sounds and see what happens.

He makes a parrot sound: weet-weet!

Denis makes a different one: chirr-chirr!

That's only singing, says Terence. What about when it's telling me where something is?

A great deal more complicated, says Gaius. That involves human-like speech.

My parrot has to learn human-like speech, says Terence.

Then speak to it, says Denis. It will learn by imitation. 

Okay, says Terence.

He speaks to his muffin-parrot. 

When you know where something is, and I don't, then you say, wait here and I'll bring it.

The muffin-parrot is uncertain what part of this speech he should say.

Wen-u-no-wear, says the muffin parrot.

No, says Terence. I'm not nowhere. And the thing isn't nowhere, because you know where it is.

I-bring-it! says the muffin parrot.

Yes! says Terence. 

The muffin is elated. He did it!

But you still sound like a muffin talking, says Terence..

Weet-weet, chirr! says the muffin-parrot.

Try again, says Terence. 

Gaius looks at Denis. 

Terence is doing a good job teaching human-like speech to his muffin.

Now where were they?

Oh yes, the cuttlefish eggs.....

. 

A Passionfruit Gaze

Leonardo shows Terence a few sketches.

Parrot Face 1: hooked beak, beady eyes, three uplifted head-feathers.

Parrot Face 2: hooked beak, beady eyes with black and white stripes underneath

Parrot Face 3: hooked beak with large nostrils, beady eyes with a sharp gaze.

Terence chooses Face 3.

Right, says Leonardo. Hand me the muffin.

Wait! I have to tell him what's going to happen, says Terence.

Go on then, says Leonardo.

What IS going to happen? asks Terence.

I'll sculpt his new features, says Leonardo.

He probably heard that, says Terence.

He hands Leonardo the muffin.

Terence and Belle watch as Leonardo dots the features of Parrot Face 3 on the muffin, with his pencil.

Then starts gouging bits out.

Mind if I eat these? asks Leonardo. I didn't have breakfast.

Um... says Terence. 

It should be all right, says Belle.

Okay, says Terence.

Leonardo eats the discarded pieces of muffin.

A hooked beak emerges, and circles for eyes. 

Delicate muffin feathers surround them.

Nearly finished. says Leonardo. The eyes will bring it to life. I just need something beady....

How about these? asks Belle.

She has finished her compote of fruit, and spat the passionfuit seeds into the bowl.

Not everyone likes them.

And not every compote contains passionfruit. 

So the muffin is doubly lucky.

Belle picks out two passionfruit seeds and hands them to Leonardo.

Leonardo places them (just so!) in the circles for eyes.

And the muffin can see! 

And probably (he hopes) speak as well.

Terence is staring at him intently.

My? asks the muffin.

My what? asks Terence.

My-a-parrot? asks the muffin.

You have a parrot face, says Terence. Now you have to learn how to fly.

Not yet, says Belle. We're in an aeroplane, remember. Why not train him to sound more like a parrot and less like a muffin.

The muffin isn't offended.

He wants to do well.

Choose The Best Face

The breakfast trolley comes by.

Gaius orders scrambled eggs and orange juice.

Denis Diderot orders a chocloate croissant and a coffee.

Terence's gecko shorts are now dry. 

Put these on, says Gaius. Then I can lower my tray.

Terence gets down off the armrest, with his shorts and his muffin.

He puts the muffin down on the floor.

The muffin is waiting to be trained as a parrot. 

Has Terence forgotten?

Terence takes off the frog jersey.

Careful! says Gaius. You're knocking the tray.

Terence drops the jersey and picks up his muffin.

He moves into the aisle with his gecko shorts and his muffin.

Maybe now! thinks the muffin.

Belle has seen Terence.

Terence! says Belle. Put those shorts on!

Hold my muffin, says Terence.

Belle takes the muffin.

Why do you have this? asks Belle.

I'm training it to be my new parrot, says Terence.

It's a muffin, says Belle. It can't be a parrot.

Unless, says Leonardo, it is given a face.

Terence likes Leonardo. He has good ideas.

Yes, says Terence. He'll get a face when I've put my shorts on.

The muffin is pleased. It is getting a face, which will make it a parrot.

Can you do it? asks Terence.

Let me do a few sketches, says Leonardo. Then you can choose the best face.

What about your breakfast, Leonardo? says Belle.

I'll skip breakfast, says Leonardo.

The trolley is here. Belle orders a yogurt and compote. She pulls down her tray.

She hands Terence his muffin. 

Now for the wait.

Terence has ducked under Belle's tray to let the breakfast trolley through.

He can see Leonardo sketching.

The muffin cannot.

I'll choose your face, says Terence.

I wish I could choose my face, thinks the muffin. 

The muffin need not worry. 

Leonardo is drawing parrot faces a muffin would like.

Not everyone has this ability.

Muffin as Parrot

Denis Diderot stirs.

What's that, Terence? mumbles Denis.

I'm not going to eat you, says Terence.

Did  I ask if you were? asks Denis.

No, says Terence. And nor did the muffin.

Who gave you that muffin? asks Denis. 

The breakfast lady, says Terence. I got mine first. 

As I recall, you're not meant to eat solids, says Denis.

Which is why! says Terence.

What's going on? mutters Gaius. 

He's been given a muffin, says Denis.

A muffin! says Gaius. 

But I'm not going to eat it, says Terence.

Perhaps Denis and I could share it, says Gaius. 

It's my muffin, says Terence. I got it for a reason.

Gaius waits for the reason.

So does the muffin.

(imagine you were that muffin, expecting to be eaten, then told you would not be eaten, then faced with being shared by two people you don't belong to)

What was the reason? asks Gaius.

To prove I wasn't a frog, says Terence. A mean girl said I was one.

(the muffin does not remember a mean girl)

And a flight attendant must have taken pity on him, and given him the muffin, says Denis.

So I'm going to keep it forever, says Terence.

(the muffin is puzzled)

What a waste, says Gaius.

It's probably gone cold by now, says Denis. When the breakfast trolley comes by we can ask for fresh muffins.

I hope there are alternative options, says Gaius. Scrambled eggs would be nicer.

 Or croissants, says Denis.

Terence looks at his muffin. 

I'll keep you forever, says Terence.

(I wonder how long that is? wonders the muffin)

I might train you to be my new parrot, says Terence.

Ha ha! laughs Gaius. Muffin as parrot.

Why a parrot? asks Denis.

(the muffin is wondering the same thing)

Terence and his parrots, says Gaius. Some have been more proactive than others. This muffin may only last till we catch up with Roo-kai.

(I must become more proactive, thinks the muffin)

Frogs Don't Get Muffins

Terence waits outside the toilet.

No one is in the toilet.

Bu he can't get in.

A man comes up behind him.

Can't get in? asks the man.

No, says Terence. 

The man opens the door for him, and Terence goes in.

But he is too low to see himself in the mirror.

Terence comes out.

The man is still there.

I can't see myself in the mirror, says Terence.

Is that all you wanted to do? asks the man.

Yes, says Terence. A girl told me I had a frog face.

You don't have a frog face, says the man. And frogs don't have curls.

Okay, says Terence. But what about the rest of me?

The rest of you looks a bit froggy, says the man. It's those pyjamas.

They're not pyjamas, says Terence.

The man doesn't care if they're not pyjamas.

He needs to get into the toilet, before more people wake up.

He enters the toilet, and locks the door.

Terence decides to go back to the armrest.

And on his way back he will look for the girl.

So he is going very slowly, looking at everyone.

A flight attendant comes up behind him.

Are you lost? asks the flight attendant.

No, says Terence. I'm looking for someone.

A parent? asks the flight attendant.

A girl who said I had a frog face, says Terence. 

You don't have a frog face, says the flight attendant. You look like a boy, in frog pyjamas. 

They're not pyjamas, says Terence.

No, I see that now, says the flight attendant. It's a lycra jersey. You're the boy who spilled the Red Bull.

It spilled itself, says Terence.

Tell you what, says the flight attendant. We'll be turning the cabin lights up in a few minutes, and serving breakfast. How would you like to be the first one to have breakfast?

Yes! says Terence. Can we go past the girl?

Come with me, says the flight attendant.

Terence follows her to the galley, where she pulls out some trays.

She gives Terence a warm chocolate muffin, in a small cardboard box.

Then she escorts him back to where Gaius and Denis Diderot are sleeping.

Terence climbs up on the armrest between them, with his muffin.

You should really have your own seat, says the flight attendant.

I know, says Terence. Do you think the girl saw me?

Probably, says the flight attendant. And if she did, she'll know that frogs don't get chocolate muffins.

The flight attendant walks back down the aisle to turn up the lights.

Terence looks at his muffin.

Don't worry, muffin, I'm not going to eat you, says Terence.

Dreams In Flight Mode

The cabin lights have been dimmed.

Everyone is asleep or supposed to be sleeping.

Leonardo is half-dozing. His mind on the dynamics of tilted egg boxes.

What about some sort of swivel? Or a rotating door?

Terence has got down from the arm rest.

He squeezes past Belle who is curled up in her seat under a thin airline blanket.

Her toes are sticking out of the blanket.

The toes are moving.

She is dreaming of running along a runway, and then taking flight.

Behind her, Gaius is dreaming of cuttlefish. 

Irridescent cuttlefish undulate all around him. He is in the water, with his eyes open, He is looking for a particular cuttlefish, the Twitcher. He spots a cuttlefish that looks like the Twitcher. He swims up to it. Are you the Twitcher? he asks, without opening his mouth. Not really, I died many years ago, says the Twitcher...

Denis Diderot is sleeping beside him. He is dreaming of Sophie Volland. Sophie has written him a letter with real ink on real paper. She is watching him read it. He reads: Have you made any progress? He looks up at Dream-Sophie. That depends says Dream-Denis. Dream-Sophie laughs at Dream-Denis. Such an answer will not get you anywhere, says Dream-Sophie. I can't do much about it while I'm in flight mode, answers Dream-Denis...

Terence is watching Gaius and Denis.

Both asleep, just like Belle and Leonardo. 

So there's no one to talk to. 

He wanders down the aisle in his pobblebonk costume.

Maybe there'll be someone. 

A girl is coming towards him. 

What do you think I am? asks Terence.

A weird frog, says the girl. What do you think I am?

Tricked, says Terence.

Why? asks the girl. 

I'm not a frog, says Terence. Is this a frog's face?

Could be, says the girl. They have different faces.

Where are you going? asks Terence.

Back to my parents, says the girl. I just went to the toilet. It's free now, maybe you should go.

Why? asks Terence.

You could look in the mirror, and see your frog face, says the girl.

The girl continues going back to her parents.

Terence decides to go to the toilet.

The Measurements Say So

It's me, says Terence. But I look like a pobblebonk.

Yes, I could tell it was you by your head, says Belle.

Are they your pyjamas? asks Leonardo. 

No, says Terence. My red drink spilled on my shorts.

We heard, says Belle. And some of the red drink seeped under our seats and made the floor sticky.

Sorry, says Terence. The red drink didn't have perfect balance.

Would you like to see my designs for circular hinges? asks Leonardo.

Why would I? asks Terence.

Leonardo is not used to this kind of response.

For your egg box doors, says Belle.

I've changed everything, says Terence. I only need one big door.

How big? asks Leonardo.

He is willing to make alterations.

Jump up onto the armrest, says Belle, and you two can discuss the plans quietly. I'm going to sleep.

Okay, says Terence.

He climbs up onto the armrest in his pobblebonk jersey.

Leonardo shows him several circular hinges that he has come up with. 

Choose one, says Leonardo.

Terence chooses.

Now I'll just alter the radius, says Leonardo.

He crosses out a number and writes a different one.

It still looks the same, says Terence.

But it's bigger, says Leonardo. The measurements say so. Now you can use it for one big door in your egg box. Would you like a lock too? I have a great idea for one. 

Yes! says Terence.

He watches Leonardo draw a perfect circle with a circular hinge at the top and a circular lock at the bottom.

Or, says Leonardo, we could split the door in half horizontally, with a fixed bottom half that can't open, so the eggs can't fall out, as long as the box is kept upright. What do you think?

That depends, says Terence.

Which is quite a good answer.

On what? asks Leonardo. The size of the eggs I suppose, or whether the box will be tilted during egg collection.

Honestly, says Belle. Some people are trying to sleep here. Have you finished?

I don't know, whispers Terence.

What don't you know? asks Belle.

If the egg box will be tilted, says Terence.

They're cuttlefish eggs, says Belle. The box will be in the water. It's bound to get tilted.

Now we know, whispers Terence.

Now we know, agrees Leonardo.

A Pobblebonk Has Come

The Red Bull spill has been cleaned up, by a flight attendant..

Denis and Gaius have wiped their bare legs.

Lucky we were both wearing shorts, says Gaius.

Yes, lucky, says Denis. But I do have wet socks.

That's the beauty of crocs, says Gaius. No socks are needed.

I wasn't lucky that I was wearing shorts, says Terence.

No you weren't, says Gaius. Would you like to take them off and wear something of mine from my back pack?

That depends, says Terence, who has learned a useful new answer.

I'll see what I've got, says Gaius, standing up to open the overhead locker.

Not underpants, says Terence.

Perhaps a long t-shirt, says Gaius. 

That will drown him, says Denis.

I have just the thing, says Gaius. My lycra jersey.

He rummages in his back pack and fishes it out.

Yes, being stretchy it should fit Terence well enough, while the gecko shorts dry.

Put it on first, says Gaius. Then take your shorts off.

Terence does as instructed.

Gaius hangs the wet gecko shorts from the top of his folded up dinner tray.

How do I look? asks Terence.

You look like a frog, says Denis.

Which one? asks Terence.

A pobblebonk, says Gaius.

That's very specific, says Denis.

Indeed, says Gaius. Team Condor's jerseys are based on their colours.

Brown, says Terence.

Dark brown with blackish patches, marbling and a white cheek stripe, says Gaius.

Where's the white stripe? asks Denis.

I don't think Sweezus included the white stripe in the design, says Gaius. The idea was to save time on washing.

Very sensible, says Denis.

An announcement is made:

The cabin lights will now be dimmed. Passengers who wish to continue reading may use the down lights above their seats. 

Excellent says Gaius. I could do with a nap. Although I don't expect it to be comfortable.

Can I go and show Belle my jersey? asks Terence.

Certainly, says Gaius. 

Terence goes round to the seat in the next row.

Ooh! says Belle. A pobblebonk has come to visit me.

A what? asks Leonardo.

 

Loud Fizz!!

The dinner trolley comes by.

Chicken salad or mustard fried cauliflower? asks the trolley attendant.

Isn't that what we were offered on the flight to Dubai? asks Gaius.

Yes it was, says Denis.

It does sometimes happen, says the trolley attendant. What would you like?

I'll try the chicken salad, says Gaius. Does it come with edamame?

It does, says the trolley assistant. And pickled ginger dressing.

She gives Gaius his dinner pack.

I had that last time, says Denis. I'll try the fried cauli.

I'm sure you'll enjoy it, says the trolley attendant.

She hands him his dinner.

What is the little one having? asks the trolley attendant.

Nothing, says Gaius. Perhaps a red drink.

I'll see what I can do, says the trolley attendant.

She bends down to look, and comes up with a can of Red Bull.

Is he allowed this? asks the trolley attendant. It's an energy drink.

I suppose so, says Gaius. Not that he needs any more energy.

Yes I do, says Terence. I need it for Buster.

Buster is the armrest, says Gaius, feeling the need to explain.

He shouldn't be sitting on the armrest, says the trolley attendant.

He'll get off, says Gaius. I'll see to it.

The trolley attendant moves forward to Belle and Leonardo.

And does not look back.

Can I sit on Buster while I drink my Red Bull? asks Terence.

What if you spill? asks Denis, picking at his cauliflower.

I have perfect balance, says Terence.

That's you, says Gaius. It may not extend to what you're drinking. Why don't you sit on the floor?

Okay, says Terence.

He wriggles off the armrest and slides down to the floor.

Gaius hands him the can of Red Bull and turns his attention to his dinner pack.

Ah. So these green beans must be edamame.

I'll be interested to try the edamame, says Gaius. I believe they are immature soy beans.

And quite tasty, says Denis.

Were they mentioned in your Encyclopédie? asks Gaius.

No, they weren't, says Denis. 

Ever thought of adding to it? asks Gaius.

I might do a recipe book, says Denis. As a separate venture.

Their conversation might have gone on for longer, but suddenly a loud FIZZ! erupts from below and their legs become wet.

Problems with Tinyness

Terence is finding it difficult to draw hinges so small.

What's the matter? asks Belle.

They're so small I can't see them, says Terence.

Do what Leonardo did, says Belle.

What? asks Terence.

Draw a magnified version, says Belle. 

Want me to help you? asks Leonardo. I've had some ideas.

Okay, says Terence.

He hands Leonardo his paper and pencil.

Leonardo starts drawing various versions of circular hinges.

Gaius and Denis Diderot are in the row just behind them.

They've been wondering what's going on. 

First, Terence's back view had appeared on the armrest.

Then his back view had bounced up and down.

After that all was quiet. Perhaps Terence was drawing.

Then he was leaning back and forth, as though passing something.

Gaius decides to find out. He stands up and steps into the aisle.

Everything all right? asks Gaius. What's Terence up to?

Nothing, says Terence. Leonardo is doing it. I'm bored.

Would you like to come and sit with me and Denis? asks Gaius.

Yay! says Terence. Can I sit on the arm rest?

Yes, of course, says Gaius. But no bouncing.

Okay, says Terence. We can talk about something.

Indeed, says Gaius. Denis and I are making plans.

Me too, says Terence.

So Terence gets down from one armrest and makes his way back to another.

I could have just squeezed through, says Terence.

Best that you didn't, says Gaius. You might have got stuck.

Hello Terence, says Denis Diderot. What have you been up to?

Finishing my egg box, says Terence. But it's harder than I thought.

What's the problem, asks Denis. 

Tinyness, says Terence.

Ah, says Denis. You have to remember that the actual box will be bigger.

Terence had not thought of that.

Yes, the actual box will be bigger than his drawing.

So I can use bigger hinges, says Terence. 

Yes, says Denis. If you even need hinges at all. What was wrong with simple holes without hinges? And why do you need so many? Surely one hole would suffice.

One hole! says Terence.

With a communal cabin, says Gaius.  

At this point Terence decides not to bother re-designing his egg box.

After all, he is sitting on Buster. He starts bouncing up and down

Not vigorously. He doesn't want to get into trouble.

Leonardo's Hinge

They are now on the flight from Dubai to Adelaide.

Gaius is sitting beside Denis.

Belle is one seat in front, with Terence, who can't find a comfy position.

Whats wrong with my lap? asks Belle.

I keep sinking, says Terence.

Want to sit on the armrest? asks Belle.

Okay, says Terence.

Belle asks the person next to her if they would mind.

Go for it, says the person.

Terence moves across to the arm rest.

Go Buster! says Terence.

The person next to Belle laughs.

Is that your horse? asks the person.

No, it's an armrest, says Terence.

I mean, are you pretending it's a horse? asks the person.

Buster's a pony, says Terence, bouncing.

Don't bounce, says Belle. Why don't you get on with your drawing.

She takes out the the drawing.

Where's my pencil? asks Terence.

Here, says Belle. It's not very sharp. It might be difficult to draw the tiny hinges.

What are hinges? whispers Terence.

Joining devices, says Belle. They join a door to a door frame so the door opens and closes.

What do they look like? asks Terence.

Belle isn't sure that she knows what they look like.

Maybe the person beside her will know.

The person has been listening.

Yes, I know how to draw hinges, says the person. 

Terence shows him his drawing.

Why does the door have holes in it? asks the person.

That's not the door, says Terence. That's the whole box. The holes are where the doors go, and the hinges go on the doors, somewhere.

I don't see any doors, says the person.

Maybe you need glasses, says Terence.

Don't be rude, Terence, says Belle. 

It's all right, says the person. Now I know where the doors go, I can position the hinges.

Will you draw them for me? asks Terence.

I'll draw a magnified version, says the person. Give me the pencil.

Terence gives him the pencil.

He draws a big circle, next to the box.

Inside the circle he draws a standard fixed pin butt hinge, with screw holes.

Then he draws an arrow from the circle to one of Terence's holes.

The arrow's to show where it goes in your drawing, says the person.

It won't work, says Terence. The hinge is flat and the doors on my drawing are round.

Perhaps you should rethink your doors, says the person. Square doors would be easier to work with.

They're egg doors, says Terence.

You should have said, says the person.

That's enough Terence, says Belle. You can't keep expecting....

Leonardo, says the person.

You can't keep expecting Leonardo to do your design for you, says Belle.

Okay, I'll draw some very tiny round hinges, says Terence. 

Thanks, Leonardo, says Belle. You've given him some ideas to go on with.

Leonardo acknowledges her thanks, but wishes he had known the hinge was to be for an egg door.

Useful Depending

Have you replied to her yet? asks Belle.

Not yet, says Denis. I'm still thinking.

Don't overthink it, says Belle. 

How long do we have now? asks Gaius.

Depends if our flight's been delayed further, says Belle.

I'll go and check, says Gaius.

He goes off to check the departures.

What if she meant us? says Denis. Her and me.

As in, asking if you wanted to progress your relationship? says Belle. 

Yes, says Denis. 

And do you? asks Belle.

That depends, says Denis.

There's your answer, says Belle.

I can't answer 'that depends', says Denis.

Yes, you can, says Belle. It shows you understood the ambivalence of the question.

I suppose it does, says Denis. You're right. I must be getting rusty. 

Rusty, says Terence, looking up from his drawing. He was my friend.

I remember him, says Belle. He was golden. And something happened to his toes.

An otter ate them, says Terence.

What's this about? asks Denis.

He was in a museum, says Belle. A golden cherub on a model boat. Terence made friends with him.

We called him Rusty because he was gold, says Terence.

Denis is too preoccupied with his 'that depends' dilemma  to question the enigma.

Go on, send it, says Belle. She'll reply, I guarantee it.

Denis types 'That depends', and presses send.

Done, says Denis.

Gaius returns, with new information.

We can go to the boarding gate now, says Gaius.

Yay! says Terence. 

They all head to the boarding gate.

The seats are all taken, so they have to stand.

I can't draw standing up, says Terence.

You can sit on my lap, says a kind-looking woman.

Okay, says Terence.

What are you drawing? asks the kind-looking woman.

An egg box, for cuttlefish eggs, says Terence. These are the holes they go into and inside they've got private cabins.

Why do cuttlefish eggs need private cabins? asks the kind-looking woman. 

To stop them falling back out of the holes, says Terence.

But how will that stop them? asks the kind-looking woman.

They'll have doors, says Terence.

They'll need to be very tiny, says the kind-looking woman. Will they have hinges?

Terence doesn't know what hinges are.

That depends, says Terence.

The kind-looking woman looks happy enough with the answer.

Distracted By Progress

Dubai airport. The Hard Rock Café.

Gaius, Terence and Denis Diderot are waiting for Belle.

She arrives, and sits down at their table.

Sorry about that, says Belle. Just checking the departures board. Our flight's been delayed.

By how much? asks Gaius.

Half an hour, says Belle.

Have you got any paper? asks Terence.

No I haven't, says Belle. What do you want it for?

See this? says Terence. It's ruined.

He shows her the design for the egg box, with the scuff marks.

What is it? asks Belle.

It's his design for storing cuttlefish eggs, says Gaius. Quite ingenious.

All those holes ! says Belle. Won't they fall out?

No, says Terence. That's the in-holes, and when they're in, they have cabins.

Wow! says Belle You've thought of everything.

Yes, says Terence.

Ask Denis if he's got any paper, says Belle.

Denis Diderot looks up from his phone. He's been checking his emails.

What? asks Denis.

Paper, says Belle.

Ding! An email arrives. It's from Henriette.

Denis opens the email.

One word: PROGRESS?

What was that again? asks Denis.

Paper, says Belle. Have you got any, so that Terence can redraw his egg box?

Oh.. er.. um.. says Denis. Paper. Yes, here. He rips out a page from his journal, and gives it to Belle..

Thanks, says Belle. It's for Terence.

She gives the paper to Terence.

You seem distracted, says Belle.

I am distracted, says Denis. I just got an email from Henriettte, whom I met on the plane.

Sweet, says Belle. What's she saying? Or is it too private?

On the contrary, says Denis. It's a simple one word question.

What is it? asks Belle.

Progress? says Denis.

Like a question? says Belle. 

They agreed to communicate, says Gaius. But if I may interrupt, would anyone like a bowl of nachos?

Yes please, says Belle.

And I want a pencil, says Terence.

I thought you had one, says Gaius. 

I lost it, says Terence.

Luckily Belle has a pencil.

I wonder if she googled me, says Denis.

I bet she did, says Belle. I would have. Do you have views on progress?

Well yes, says Denis. At least I did have at one point. 

Progress, says Gaius. I imagine you were all for it.

No, I wasn't says Denis. I warned against too much dependence on technology.

You surprise me, says Gaius. 

Not for the first time, says Denis. 

Ah, yes. The chicken mask, says Gaius.  

Are you going to reply, asks Belle. And if so what?

Yes, if so what, says Denis Diderot. What if she's referring to something in particular?

Then she should have said, says Belle.

A bowl of nachos arrives at their table.

Wonders of technology, says Gaius. I used their QR code to order.

They eat the nachos while Terence tries to remember the details of his egg box.

And Denis tries to think of an answer to "PROGRESS?" that indicates he has understood what Henriette meant by the question.

Egg Holes

The plane lands in Dubai. 

Where next for you? asks Gaius.

Sydney, says Henriette. So this is goodbye.

Can I keep this? asks Terence.

Oh yes, your design for a trapolator, says Henriette. May I see it?

Terence shows her the picture.

He has been working on it for ages.

What are the dots? asks Henriette.

Egg holes, says Terence.

Don't you need only one egg hole? asks Henriette.

No, says Terence. Each egg needs an egg hole.

So they each have a special place on the inside, says Henriette. Like a private cabin?

Terence had not thought of that. He just thought each egg would need an egg hole.

Once they were in, they would all jumble together. 

But Henriette's idea is a good one. Private cabins!

Yes, says Terence. I'll be drawing those next.

Everyone is standing up now, pulling their things from the overhead lockers.

I'll need that piece of paper, says Henriette.  

So will I, says Terence. 

But Denis's email address is on it, says Henriette.

Terence gives it to her. She turns on her phone and adds Denis to her list of contacts.

Bye now, says Henriette. She moves forward.

Hey! cries Terence. My paper!

Didn't she give it back to you? asks Gaius. 

I haven't got it, says Terence.

Did you drop it? asks Gaius.

No! says Terence. 

Never mind, says Gaius. You can re-do your drawing. It was, if I remember correctly, a rectangular box with multiple egg holes.

And each egg hole has a private cabin, says Terence.

You hadn't yet drawn the private cabins, says Gaius.  

Can you please get moving, says a passenger who is standing behind them,

Apologies, says Gaius. He moves forward. So does Terence.

Terence sees a piece of paper on the floor. 

Under a row of scribbled writing is a drawing of a rectangular box dotted with egg holes, and scuff marks made by people's shoes and trainers.

It's probably his paper, but it's ruined.

He will have to do the whole thing again.

The Trapolator

Gaius is enjoying his mustard fried cauliflower, with onion puree.

We were lucky to get this, says Henriette.

She is having it too.

Indeed, says Gaius. Chicken salad would have been plain in comparison.

Although I do like edamame, says Henriette.

I'm not sure what that is, says Gaius.

Beans, says Henriette. Immature soy beans.

Ah, says Gaius. Henceforth I shall know.

Terence comes back with a piece of paper, on which Denis has written his email address.

Denis sent this, says Terence.

Henriette takes it.

I wonder if we'll correspond? says Henriette.

It depends if you have anything to say to one another, says Gaius.

He was explaining the algal bloom, but he had to go back to his seat, says Henriette.

He knows very little about it, says Gaius. 

I thought you and he were going to work on it together, says Henriette.

All we can do is collect information, says Gaius.

Like me, says Terence. I collected some froth, but I lost it.

And I hear you counted dead pipis, with the help of your parrot, says Henriette.

I mixed up the zeroes, says Terence. 

That's no good, says Henriette. Zeroes are important.

Indeed, says Gaius. Are you going to eat that last bit of cauliflower?

No, do you want it? asks Henriette.

If you don't mind, says Gaius. It's delicious but not very filling.

He prongs her fried cauliflower with his plastic fork, and eats it.

You are lucky to have a parrot that can count, says Henriette. I would like such a parrot.

Can't you count? asks Terence.

I can count, says Henriette, but it's difficult to estimate large numbers of anything. People for instance. I imagine it's the same with dead pipis.

Not quite, says Gaius. The pipis are dead, and therefore not moving.

Yes, but I imagine you tried to extrapolate, says Henriette.

No we didn't, says Terence. We didn't have a trapolator.

And what would that be? asks Gaius. 

Something to put them in, says Terence. We should get one.

We might need something to put cuttlefish eggs in, says Gaius. Why don't you think about that?

Okay, says Terence. Give me some paper.

Henriette gives him the paper with Denis Diderot's address.  And her pencil.

Gaius admires the fact that Henriette has a pencil.

Terence starts drawing the trapolator.

On The Uptake

I must ask you to move back to your own seat, sir, says a flight attendant.

Oh, all right, says Denis Diderot.

Nice talking to you, says Henriette.

You too, says Denis. Perhaps we'll meet again.

Perhaps you could write me a letter, says Henriette.

Denis laughs.

You could finish your mystery story, says Henriette.

Then I shall need an address, says Denis.

An email address, says Henriette. Then we'll both have a copy.

Sir! says the flight attendant. 

Denis stands up. 

I'll send our message guy, for the address, says Denis. 

Bye then, says Henriette.

Denis goes back to his seat next to the woken-up guy.

Finished? asks Gaius.

On the contrary, says Denis. We're swapping email addresses.

Gaius stands up. 

Terence has jumped down already, not having been stuck. 

He runs back to the empty seat beside Henriette.

Gaius returns a few seconds later.

Just in time for the lunch trolley, says Gaius. I see it coming.

I smell it, says Henriette.

What does it smell like? asks Terence.

Chicken, says Henriette. By the way, Terence, could I ask you to give Denis a message?

Yes, says Terence. Go on.

She scribbles her email address onto a small piece of paper, and hands it to Terence.

Terence stands there, waiting.

Go, says Gaius. The lunch trolley is coming. 

When she asks me, says Terence.

She asked you, says Gaius.

She asked me if she could ask me, says Terence. And I said yes, but she didn't.

Is he always like this? asks Henriette.

Not always, says Gaius. Sometimes I think he does it on purpose. He can be quite quick on the uptake.

Terence likes hearing that he can be quick on the uptake.

He decides not to wait until Henriette asks him to take the meassage to Denis, but simply to go.

Off he goes, on the uptake.

Gaius continues explaining to Henriette some of the ways in which Terence has been helpful.

He was in charge of the thermometer, says Gaius. Although he was not allowed in the sea.

I can understand that, says Henriette. He would have kept sinking.

It has happened, says Gaius. He also kept records of the numbers of dead pipis we found at Goolwa, although his grasp of addition was imperfect.

Then how did he keep records? asks Henriette. 

He has a parrot, who is very good at addition, says Gaius.

Henriette thinks this might be a good time to say something about herself.

I'm good at addition, says Henriette. 

Gaius is about to ask her more on this topic, but the lunch trolley has arrived, smelling of chicken

Chicken salad with edamame and pickled ginger dressing? asks the trolley attendant.

Is there a vegan choice? asks Henriette.

Mustard fried cauliflower with onion puree and cucumber salad, says the trolley attendant. It's usually just on the business class menu, but we have quite a lot left over.

I wonder why that is, says Gaius. 

You Must Have Lost Them

Denis has almost finished his glass of white wine.

Henriette is half way through hers.

By now they have discovered the following things about one another.

He: She is not his Dear Sophie. 

She: He lies.

At least she thinks that he lies. He claims to have written 553 letters to this Sophie. 

How can you remember the exact number? asks Henriette.

I numbered them, says Denis Diderot.

You numbered them? says Henriette. Why?

So she could keep them in order, says Denis.

And did she? asks Henriette. 

It seems she lost a few, says Denis. Or someone did somewhere.

How do you know? asks Henriette.

They are only 187 extant, says Denis. I should have kept copies.

What about her letters? asks Henriette.

Nowhere to be found, says Denis.

But YOU must have lost them, says Henriette.

You are a perspicacious person, says Denis. 

It doesn't take much to spot carelessness in another, says Henriette. 

True, says Denis. 

Were they love letters? asks Henriette.

We covered everything, says Denis. Free will, the importance of heredity in determining human behaviour, mathematics, optimism, gambling, mortality, inoculation against smallpox...

So, not love letters, says Henriette.

That too, says Denis. But I was married to another.

His eyes mist over. She was très jolie, as well as clever, his dear Sophie.

Henriette thinks this may explain why he lost Sophie's letters

How come you're going to Dubai? asks Henriette.

Passing through, says Denis. On my way to Adelaide to help my friend Gaius uncover a mystery.

What mystery? asks Henriette. 

Then she wishes she hadn't asked. Now he will go on about the mystery. He won't ask her where she is going. But she doesn't care really. He is kind of old, close up, and he looked better in a bike helmet. You didn't see his receding hair line. He only caught her attention because of that time he wore the chicken mask. Then you couldn't see his face either. But that's unfair,. His face is quite nice...

He, meanwhile, is explaining the algal bloom, about which he knows very little. 

Different Wisdoms

Gaius is sitting in Denis's seat, beside Denis's neighbour, who is asleep.

Terence has nowhere to sit.

Can you put up the armrest? asks Terence.

We don't want to disturb the sleeper, says Gaius. 

I do, says Terence. He might turn out to be wise.

Wise? says Gaius. Why should you think so?

Because our neighbour turned out to be wise, says Terence.

She turned out to remind Denis of someone who was wise, says Gaius.

That's the same, says Terence.

It's not the same, says Gaius. As Denis may be discovering.

What? asks Terence.

I'm sure she has her own wisdom, says Gaius. But it will be different from the wisdom Denis remembers in Sophie. 

She knew how to unstick me, says Terence.

So she did, says Gaius.

Can you open this? asks Terence.

It's his red drink. He can't open the box.

Gaius opens it, with difficulty, disturbing the sleeping neighbour

The sleeping neighbour stirs.

Whaa...! yawns the sleeping neighbour. 

Did we disturb you? asks Gaius. If so, we are sorry.

Yes we're sorry, says Terence. Me specially. Because I haven't got anywhere to sit now.

You didn't before, says Gaius. 

Yes but you put up the armrest, says Terence. Then I did.

And got stuck, says Gaius.

Want to put up the armrest? asks the woken-up neighbour. I don't mind. 

No thank you, says Gaius. Terence likes to runs back and forth with messages.

I'm the message guy, says Terence.

Cool, says the neighbour. Hey, did I miss the drinks trolley?

I'm afraid so, says Gaius. 

How about message guy runs up to the drinks trolley and asks them to bring me a coffee? says the woken-up neighbour.

I don't think they'll oblige, says Gaius. They don't seem to like going backwards.

Too bad, says the woken-up neighbour. So how come you swapped seats with Denis?

You know Denis? says Gaius.

We were talking before I dropped off, says the woken-up neighbour. Claimed he was in the Tour de France, would you believe? 

He was, says Gaius. So was I, come to that.

No way! says the woken-up neighbour. Aren't you guys...err...kind of...

SLOW! says Terence.  

Not so slow, says Gaius. But we didn't win any jerseys.

The woken-up guy doesn't know what to believe. Two old guys, both claiming to have been in the Tour de France, sitting next to him, one after the other.

Maybe he hasn't woken up, after all.

The Smell He Smelled

The neighbour, who reminds Denis of Sophie Volland, hands him her glass of white wine.

He feels her fingers.

They do not feel dry.

So you are Denis Diderot, says the neighbour.

I am, says Denis. And you ...?

Henriette, says the neighbour.

What a coincidence, says Denis Diderot.

Is that your wife's name? asks the neighbour.

No, it is the second part of the real name of Sophie Volland, says Denis Diderot.

What is the first part? asks the neighbour.

Louise, says Denis Diderot. Louise-Henriette Volland.

So why is she called Sophie? asks the neighbour.

Would you mind returning to your seat, sir? asks the trolley attendant.

In a moment, says Denis Diderot.

What about the glass of white wine that I ordered? asks the neighbour.

I gave it to you already, says the trolley attendant.

But I gave it to Denis, says the neighbour. Now I want one for myself.

The trolley attendant forces a smile, and pours the neighbour another.

Denis attempts to move out of the way of the trolley.

Why don't you sit here in my seat? says Gaius. And I'll go back and sit in yours.

Not advisable, says the trolley assistant. If we crash, we won't know who you are.

Or were, says Gaius. But it will be a brief swap, so that my neighbour and my colleague can continue their conversation unimpeded. 

He stands up.

Denis sits down. 

The trolley assistant moves forward. She has done her best.

Where will I sit? asks Terence.

Come with me, says Gaius. 

He and Terence go back to the seat that Denis vacated.

Are they friends? asks Terence.

I don't think so, says Gais, but there's something going on there.

There is. 

Denis can now answer the question put to him by the neighbour.

Why is Louise-Henriette known as Sophie?

She was wise, says Denis. I gave her that name in our correspondence 

Like as in Dear Sophie, says Henriette,.

That's right, says Denis Diderot. He takes a big sip of white wine. Then another.

You remind me of her, adds Denis. She wore glasses and had small dry hands.

My hands are of average size, and not dry, says Henriette.

She waves her free hand in front of his face.

He smells her hand cream.

It smells like the smell he smelled earlier wafting from Terence's bottom.

Off-putting yes, but not entirely.

Red Anything

Denis Diderot makes his way forward.

Terence follows.

Denis passes Gaius.

Terence stops.

He's going to the toilet, says Terence.

No need to announce it, says Gaius. 

Was that Denis Diderot? asks the neighbour.

Yes, says Gaius. No doubt he'll say hello on his way back.

Yes! says Terence. 

The drinks trolley approaches.

Tea, coffee, soft drinks, beer, red or white wine? asks the trolley attendant. 

Coffee, thanks, says Gaius.

A white wine, says the neighbour.

What about you? asks the trolley attendant looking at Terence.

Red anything, says Terence.

She hands him a red anything. 

What is it?

A strawberry drink in a red cardboard box, with a straw on the side.

Denis returns from the toilet.

He stops, his way blocked by the trolley.

Sorry sir, says the trolley attendant.

Hello Denis, says Gaius. I hope you haven't missed out on obtaining a beverage.

So do I, says Denis.

Are you sitting back that way? asks the trolley attendant.

I will be, says Denis Diderot.

Then you have missed out, says the trolley attendant. I'll be returning eventually, but not with the full range of options.

I'd like a white wine, says Denis. Any chance of me getting one before I return to my seat? 

Sorry sir, says the trolley attendant. That won't be possible

He can have mine, says the neighbour. And I'll order another. 

How kind, says Denis Diderot.

At last he has a good reason to look at the neighbour.

Alors! She looks just like Sophie Volland, an intellectually curious person he was once fond of.   

Same old-fashioned glasses.

He wonders if she has the same small dry hands.

He will soon have a chance to find out.

 

This Ingenious Plan

Did he really say that? asks Gaius.

Mainly, says Terence.

What did you ask him? asks the neighbour.

I've forgotten, says Terence. I'll go back and ask him.

He runs back to where Denis Diderot is sitting.

Back again? says Denis. Did you happen to see the drinks trolley?

No, says Terence. This is a very long plane.

It certainly is, says Denis Diderot. By the way, I've remembered.

That's good, says Terence, because I keep forgetting.

I'll draw you a picture, says Denis. 

He whips a pencil and a small diary out of his pocket, and finds a blank page.

He draws an egg (round and tiny), a larva (with wrinkles), a pupa (with a face) and a bee (with stripes and four wings).

A bee existence, says Denis.

Can I have it? asks Terence.

Wait, says Denis. I'll draw a flower attracting the bee.

He draws a rough sort of daisy.

Now can I have it? asks Terence.

All right, says Denis. He tears out the page.

Thanks, says Terence. 

He runs back to Gaius and the neighbour.

He gave me this, says Terence.

Gaius looks at the drawing. 

He passes it on to the neighbour.

Now we can guess what Terence must have asked him, says Gaius.

The lifecycle of a bee, says the neighbour. And look, the pupa has a dear little face! 

Let's see it, says Terence. 

It looks a bit like your face, says the neighbour.

My face! says Terence. What did you call it?

A pupa, says the neighbour. 

I'm not sure a pupa has a face, says Gaius. But he may have been being fanciful.

Probably, says the neighbour. He's drawn this cute little daisy as well.

A rough attempt, says Gaius. But the bee is quite good. Anyway, thank you Terence.

But Terence is already running back to Denis Diderot.

What is it now? asks Denis Diderot.

Was that my face on the poopa? asks Terence.

It was an infant's face, says Denis. Not intended to be yours in particular.

Can you tell that to the neighbour? asks Terence.

My neighbour? asks Denis Diderot, glancing across at his neighbour, who is asleep.

No, our neighbour, says Terence. The one who wants to find out if you're married.

I suspected it was someone other than you, says Denis Diderot.

Oops! says Terence. I wasn't supposed to tell you.

Is this neighbour a female? asks Denis. 

No, says Terence. A woman.

I'll take a look, says Denis Diderot, standing up and scanning the rows in front for Gaius's head.

But I'M the message guy, says Terence.

This requires more than a message, says Denis Diderot. Don't worry I'll pretend I'm on my way to the toilet.

Terence likes this ingenious plan.

A Bumblebee Existence

Don't worry, says Gaius. We'll try and extract you.

How? asks Terence.

I have some hand cream, says the neighbour.

So what? asks Terence.

I'll rub it on, says the neighbour. Then you'll slip out.

She takes her hand cream out of a small zippered bag.

She squeezes some out.

And starts rubbing it on Terence's legs. High up near the sides of his bottom.

He pops out of the gap he was wedged in.

Drops to the floor, and runs down the aisle towards Denis.

Well, that worked, says the neighbour.

He seemed in a hurry to get away, says Gaius.

Understandable, says the neighbour.

Denis looks around. 

Terence! says Denis Diderot. Come to visit?

I'm the messenger guy, says Terence.

What's that smell? asks Denis Diderot.

My bottom, says Terence.

You don't say, says Denis. 

I was stuck, says Terence. But that's not the message.

What is the message, and who is it from? asks Denis Diderot.

It's not a message, it's a conversation, says Terence. 

Hop up, says Denis. Let's have this conversation.

This is going well.

No one wants to know this, says Terence.

Know what? asks Denis.

Are you married? asks Terence.

Ah. Yes and no, says Denis. I have lived a somewhat bohemian existence.

Oh, says Terence. I have to go now.

He wriggles off Diderot's lap and runs back to Gaius and the neighbour.

Yes and no, says Terence.

I wonder what he meant by that? asks the neighbour.

Perhap's he's separated, says Gaius. 

No, he lived an existence, says Terence.

We all do that, says the neighbour. 

There was another word, says Terence. Something like bumblebee.

Where did it fit in the sentence? asks Gaius. 

A bumblebee existence, says Terence. 

That could mean many things, says the neighbour.

I'll go back and ask him, says Terence.

He runs back to Denis.

Here you are again, says Denis Diderot.  More conversation?

What's a bumblebee existence? asks Terence.

Denis Diderot tries to recall what he once wrote in his encyclopedie about the lifecycle of bumblebees.

It may have been one of his colleagues who wrote that particular entry.

But surely he knows enough about bees to answer an infant?

Well, says Denis Diderot. It's a busy existence. Coming and going. 

Where? asks Terence.

Back and forth, says Denis. Collecting pollen from flowers.

What did you do with it? asks Terence.

Me? says Denis Diderot. Nothing. 

I have to go, says Terence.

He runs back to the neighbour and Gaius.

Learn anything? asks Gaius.  

Coming and going for nothing, says Terence.

The Serious Side

Gaius and Denis Diderot are on the flight to Dubai.

Denis Diderot bought his ticket at the last minute.

So he is not sitting with Gaius

Belle is on the flight too. A few seats away.

And where is Terence?

Terence started off in Gaius's back pack, but was allowed out when the backpack had to be placed in the overhead locker.

Where is everybody? asks Terence.

Belle is a few seats away, says Gaius. If you stand on my knee you'll see the top of her head there.

Yes. Terence can see her.

And where's Denis Diddelo? asks Terence.

Back that way, on the other side of the aisle, says Gaius.

Terence turns to look. 

How will we talk to each other? asks Terence.

As we normally do, says Gaius. Have you something to ask me?

I just asked you, says Terence, sitting down.

Ouch! Be careful, says Gaius.

Would it help if we lifted the arm rest? asks Gaius's neighbour.

Very kind of you to offer, says Gaius.

The neighbour presses a button, lifting the arm rest.

Terence slides into the gap.

Yikes! says Terence.

What is it? asks Gaius.

I'm stuck, says Terence.

No you're not, says Gaius. You're just wedged, which is different

And you didn't answer my question, says Terence. 

Which was? asks Gaius.

How will we talk to each other? asks Terence.

Ah! says Gaius. You were referring to ourselves, Belle and Denis Diderot. The answer is, we can't do it.

I could run between us with messages, says Terence.

Did I hear you mention Denis Diderot? asks the neighbour.

You did, says Gaius. 

The one who rode in Team Philosophe? The one who wore the chicken mask? continues the neighbour.

The very same, says Gaius. But he does have a serious side.

I'm sure, says the neighbour. I bet all the riders have serious sides, unknown to their fans. Families and that sort of thing. Or they may be single.

What's single? asks Terence.

Without a partner, says the neighbour. But Denis Diderot probably has a girlfriend

To be honest I have no idea, says Gaius. Although I seem to recall he had a clever sister. Her name was Denise.

De-knees, laughs Terence.

But is he married? asks the neighbour.

Gaius suspects the neighbour may be hoping for an introduction, if Denis Diderot is not married.

Why not look him up on Wikipedia, says Gaius.

Why don't I go and ask him? asks Terence. I'll be the message guy.

If you do, says the neighbour, don't say who was asking.

Who was asking? asks Terence.

Me, says the neighbour.

I'll say Gaius was asking, says Terence.

No don't say I was asking, says Gaius.

Just bring it up in conversation, says the neighbour.

Okay, says Terence wriggling to get himself out of the gap.

But it turns out he was right.

He is stuck.

Useful and Useless Calculations

They split the café bill three ways.

Which amounts to eighty one euros each.

Right, says Belle. Now I just have to work out how much the others owe us. 

Divide the total by seven, says Gaius. That's, let me see, thirty five or just under.

So we'll get back how much? says Belle.

Four lots of thirty five, says Denis Diderot. Assuming they pay up.

Vello and David will, says Gaius.

Yes they will, says Belle. I'm not so sure about Sweezus. He's not good with money.

Arthur's good with money, says Gaius.

Depends how you look at it, says Belle.

...

Let's look at it.

Arthur and Sweezus are on the train to Marseille. 

How much were the tickets? asks Sweezus.

Twenty five euros, says Arthur.

Each? says Sweezus. 

Yes, but don't worry, says Arthur. 

Meaning? says Sweezus.

We might have to seat hop, says Arthur.

He IS good with money.

...

Vello and David are on the train to Ferney-Voltaire.

Three hours, and four minutes, says Vello. It used to take a lot longer.

Yes it did, says David. Even so, I wouldn't mind a sandwich and a coffee.

It's a while since we ate all those crepes, says Vello.

They remember the crepes in the Paris café.

Suddenly....

Did we leave without paying? asks David.

Let me think, says Vello. Yes! How embarrassing!

He sends a message to Belle.

DID WE LEAVE WITHOUT PAYING?

He gets an instant reply: YES. YOU OWE THIRTY FIVE EURO AND SO DOES DAVID.

Vello answers: WHO TO?

Belle answers: ME DENIS AND GAIUS.

Vello starts doing complicated calculations. Two thirty fives is seventy. Seventy divided by three... no wait, it would be better if David did his own calculations... start again... thirty five divided by three is... curses, it doesn't go, I'll call it thirty six,  so that's twelve euros each I owe them ... and I probably don't have their bank details...

Fortunately, for he does not have the bank details of Denis or Gaius, he receives a follow-up text message from Belle.

JUST PAY ME I'LL SORT IT.

So he pays her.

And she sorts it.