Jealousy

I don't know what to write about today. I'm jealous of Pliny the Elder. He came up with the Blue Devil Fish, the Chocolate Biscuits and the Volcanoes just like that without even thinking.......

Pliny saw what I was writing.

Come, come, he said. Anyone can come up with three things.

Yes, but you had a theme, I said.

I did? he said. What was it?

Food, I replied. Wasn't it?

Pliny looked doubtful. The Blue Devil fish is inedible, he remarked. I remember making a point of saying so.

Yes, you did, but to say something is inedible introduces the idea of food. One thinks, on reading it, Oh I was wondering whether people eat them or not. Now I know.

Alright, said Pliny. I concede that point. But what about volcanoes? They are not food.

Volcano cakes are, I said. You can't deny it.

I can't, agreed Pliny. But, if you remember, my intention had been to write about real volcanoes, not cakes. So my original list of topics was lacking a theme.

You are very encouraging Pliny, I said. I am going to think of three things.

Good, said Pliny.

There was a pause, then he said. Have you thought of them yet?

Yes, I said. Sand. That's the first one. Embroidery, that's the second... and.....Tuesday.

You see, said Pliny. It's easy. And, he added, I'm looking forward to Tuesday.

Blue Devil Fish, by Pliny the Elder

Greetings from Pliny the Elder.

There has been much in the newspapers recently about Blue Devil Fish, that hide in caves along the underwater reefs off the coast of Adelaide. These fish, they say, are most mysterious. In colour they are the darkest midnight blue, and their bodies are spotted with pale blue spots as numerous as the stars in the Milky Way.

Each fish has a distinctive pattern of spots by which it may be recognised, and divers have made numerous field trips to local reefs to photograph the fish, that they might make a study of their habits, and the size of their populations.

A study of the earbones of the Blue Devil Fish has shown that they can live to be as old as fifty nine. It makes me melancholy to think that I may be outlived by a fish. For I remain forever fifty seven. Not that it holds me back in many ways. But I will never qualify for free travel on the bus or train.

And therefore, should I wish to join the divers in their study of the Blue Devil Fish, for example by catching the train to Port Noarlunga and joining with them there, I cannot, unless I am willing to part with more money than I can spare. For the cost of bus and train tickets is close to four dollars nowadays, and that is four dollars each way, because it is not possible to walk to the beach from the station, swim out to the reef and back and return to the station in under two hours.

Furthermore, I believe the line is temporarily closed while it is being upgraded.

Blue Devil Fish, I should add, are not edible fish.

Tomorrow I shall be writing on chocolate biscuits. Farewell!

Biodiversity

Pliny the Elder was beside himself with frustration. If the ladybird had not had legs, a circumstance he personally doubted, then it needed to be studied further. Perhaps it really did live in a seashell. Perhaps instead of legs it had tiny flippers. It would now be impossible to ascertain.

I felt a little guilty, not just for Pliny's sake but for the sake of biodiversity in general. If only I had not washed the little blighter down the sink! At least, I thought, I can try and make it up to Pliny.

Would you like to write the next few blogs? I asked him. You may write on any subject that you choose, I shall not interfere.

Pliny brightened up.

Thankyou, he said. I would like that.

What will you write about? I asked.

Blue Devil fish, said Pliny.

Really? I said. Now that is a coincidence.

Coincidence? Why? asked Pliny.

Because I .....no never mind. What else will you write about?

Chocolate biscuits, said Pliny. Don't tell me you....?

Well, I ..... ahem, anything else?

Volcanoes, said Pliny.

I would never have thought of that, I said truthfully.