POER FOREVR ended

We finished lunch and went to brush mum's teeth. There were quite a few ladies in the ladies' washrooms but most of them were behind closed doors. Mum cleaned her teeth so discreetly that nobody noticed.

Back in the mall she bared her teeth. Can you see any lettuce? she asked. No, I replied, I can't. Was there any point mentioning the chunk of white pastry lodged between two of her teeth? The dentist could poke that out later, with a prong.

We had more than an hour to look at the shops. We went into Laura Ashley and Esprit. We looked at the two Sydney Streets. One Sydney Street is more dressy, the other more sporty. In the sporty one we saw a bargain. An unstructured jacket knitted in dark green silk string. It once cost four hundred dollars but now you could have it for fifty.

Try it on, said my mum. I want to see what it looks like. I tried it on. I turned sideways to look at myself in a mirror. I looked like a disconsolate pine.

Lobster Thoughts from the Sea Bed

clik clik,,,,,, a very lo-o-o-o-ng morning it is,,,, clik clik,,,,,, let me introduce myself i am a lobster and not a young lobster,,,, clik clik,,,,, oh my nippers,,, oh i've swallowed my teeth,,,, wait a minute,,,,,clik clik,,,,,,

that's better,,,,,,its not often a lobster can express his thoughts,,,,, i'm grateful ,,,,,, life for a lobster is very different from life for the likes of you,,,,,,,

we lobsters,,,,, we don't age like you ,,,,, we die by misadventure,,,,, clik clik,,,,,gloop,,,,, you could never understand how terrible it is,,,,,,,,,

we all have to die sometime,,,, you and we lobsters all have to die,,,,,,,but you live in the happy hope of one night dying,,,,, comfortably at home,,,,,, in your own downy bed,,,, gulppgloop,,,,,that is your best case scenario so to speak ,,,,,now,,,,, clik clik,,,,,imagine you are me,,,,,

i live my whole life knowing that my end will be a violent one ,,,,,,,, oh a violent one,,,, it's horrible to think of dying like a lobster like me ,,,oh,,,,

dreadful rumours abound in the lobster world,,,,, we think,,,,, we do not know ,,,,, we think that there are ways of dying even worse that being eaten by a predator,,,, gulppp,,, bit by bit,,,,,,,

sometimes we find,,,,, in pieces,,,,the carapaces of our fellows, turned bright red by some transmogrifying fire,,,,,,,,, their flesh all vanished,,,,,gone,,,,,,,ohh,,,,,gulp,,,,,clik,,,,,,

i wish i was a fossilised clam,,,

On Lobsters By Pliny and Me

First I'm going to write about the Aging of the Lobster:

They say the lobster shows no sign of aging. It just grows bigger and bigger. It doesn't become weaker and it never becomes infertile. Some people think there must be huge old 400 pound lobsters living at the bottom of the sea. Lobsters have to die of something. What they die of usually is being eaten. The bigger they are the more likely something will spot them and try to make them lunch. And this is called the balance of nature. Even a lobster contains the seeds of its own destruction.



Now Pliny the Elder will write about the Size, Uses and Transformations of the Lobster;

The lobster is a type of crab. Lobsters in the Indian Ocean grow up to six feet long. All fish in the Indian Ocean grow large because of the richness of the water. Whales attain a size of three acres in area, and sharks are often seen to be one hundred and fifty feet long. Eating lobster is a cure for snake bite. When crabs die in the drought-ridden sign of Cancer they are transformed into scorpions.


Next I shall write Some Interesting Facts About Lobsters:

The lobster eats up to one hundred types of animal, and even eats its own new-moulted shell. In captivity a lobster will eat another lobster, if the other lobster doesn't eat it first. A lobster will bury its food and eat it over several days. The lobster uses teeth located in its stomach. If attacked a lobster will shed its appendages and regenerate them later.


Finally Pliny the Elder will address the Decay of Morality Caused by the Produce of the Sea :

But why am I wasting my time on these trivia when Shellfish are the prime cause of the decay of morals and the adoption of an extravagant lifestyle? Indeed in all of Nature the sea is in many ways the most harmful to the stomach with its great variety of dishes and tasty fish! And even this pales into insignificance when we consider purple-fish and purple robes and pearls! As if it were not enough for the produce of the sea to be stuffed down our throats......


Unfortunately I must now cut Pliny off.

The Mustard Seed

I was surprised by the intrusion of the mustard seed into your musical criticism, said Pliny the Elder. But I suppose I was supposed to be. Did you finally manage to get it out from between your teeth?

Yes, but not until I got home at the end of the day, I said. There is nothing as efficacious as dental floss.

True, agreed Pliny, but to return to the parable of the mustard seed.....

Parable?

You meant it as a parable, did you not? A story to illustrate the dual nature of surprise?

I did, but is it a parable if it's something that really happened?

That all depends on the telling. Jesus had a parable about a mustard seed, so I've heard.

Oh yes I know that one. Consider the mustard seed. It's very small but it grows into a large tree that birds can shelter in. It's supposed to represent the Kingdom of Heaven.

But a mustard seed doesn't grow into a large tree! It grows at best into a middle-sized bush.

That's a good point. Whatever was Jesus thinking of? Perhaps he was remembering a time he had one stuck between his teeth.

Too Famous

This is a rare treat, says Aristotle, coming through the front door with Pliny the Elder. Hardly anyone invites me out to dinner any more.

Perhaps you are too famous, I reply.

How does that work? he asks. Shouldn't I be asked out to dinner all the time?

No, you are too scary, I say. I have been thinking in syllogisms all day because you were coming.

Oh you mustn't be afraid of me, says he. What are we eating? It smells delicious.

Vegetarian moussaka, without tomatoes.

Ah! And may I enquire as to the reasoning behind that choice?

I chose it because it was Greek, and you are Greek; but I made it vegetarian, because you are vegetarian; and I left out the tomatoes because Pliny hates tomatoes.

Bravo! says Aristotle. The virtuous Golden Mean.

It all seems to be going rather well. We sit down at the table. Aristotle beams round at everyone.

Do have some of this moussaka before it gets cold, I say.

I believe the Arabs eat it cold, says Aristotle.

Tell us how it came about that you invented logic, my friend, says Pliny.

Ah yes, well, as you know I studied under Plato. He saw everything in terms of universal forms. That made it very difficult to come to any conclusions. There is an ideal apple, he would say. And this real apple is just a poor example of it. Well, I used to think, so what? You couldn't conclude anything about apples from that. I decided to turn his ideal apple idea on its head. Look at real apples, I said. You can learn everything about apples from studying them.

Brilliant, I say, that's true. So you invented the scientific method as well. Now tell me, what do you think of my moussaka?

Wonderful, my dear! An inspired choice for an old man who doesn't have very many teeth.

Pliny gives me a wink. I don't say anything.