The VeloDrone went over to the bar to buy another round of drinks. When he returned, Marie and Belle et Bonne were standing up and Le Bon David was on the floor with his head under the settee.
The VeloDrone: What's happening? Why is David down there?
Marie: An old lady asked us to stand up so she could look for her purse. She thought she might have lost it down the back of the couch.
Belle et Bonne: It wasn't there.
The VeloDrone: So what's David up to?
Marie: He thought it might have fallen underneath.
Le Bon David ( emerging from under the settee ): No, nothing there.
The VeloDrone: That old lady has made a fool of you!
Le Bon David: What! A fool of me! How?
The VeloDrone: I heard her talking to her friend over at the bar. They were rolling a die. The first one to throw a six had to persuade a random gentleman to stick his bottom in the air.
Le Bon David: I say! How mean!
The VeloDrone: Yes, but at least it proves my point that older persons are not averse to abandoning themselves to the vagaries of fortune once in a while. You see, girls?
Belle et Bonne: Well, I'm stunned.
Marie: If you believe him.
Le Bon David: This is all too much. Time to go. Where's the toilet?
The VeloDrone: There's only one. And there's a queue.
Le Bon David: What a place! I'm not coming here again. Where's our next show and what is it?
Marie: It's Adolf, at the Royalty Theatre.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
The Six Sided Man
The philosophers are having a drink in the Higher Ground bar after catching a late night performance of The Six Sided Man.
Le Bon David: Well, well, that was excellent. Thought provoking. What did you think, Vello?
The VeloDrone: Yes, very good. The actors were superb. Hee hee! Imagine basing all your decisions on the fall of the dice. Did you like it, my dears?
Belle et Bonne: The actors were too old and fat for my liking.
Marie: Hear hear! I would have liked to see them performing it thirty years ago.
Belle et Bonne: I agree. It's a young man's play. An older person wouldn't want to abandon his life to chance like that. Life's chancey enough when you're old, don't you think, Uncle David?
Le Bon David: Old? Hum, hum.
The VeloDrone: Old? You girls are being ridiculous. A mature person might very well think his life was dull and want to spice it up a bit by the throwing of a dice. Or die.
Marie: Or die?
The VeloDrone: One die.
Le Bon David: My prince will come!
Marie: Now who's being ridiculous? Anyway, I knew you two would like it.
Le Bon David: Because we're old and fat?
The VeloDrone: I'm not fat!
Belle et Bonne: Because you like everything. That's why we love you.
Le Bon David: Oh.
The VeloDrone: Well said, dear Belle et Bonne. Now would anyone like another drink?
Le Bon David: Well, well, that was excellent. Thought provoking. What did you think, Vello?
The VeloDrone: Yes, very good. The actors were superb. Hee hee! Imagine basing all your decisions on the fall of the dice. Did you like it, my dears?
Belle et Bonne: The actors were too old and fat for my liking.
Marie: Hear hear! I would have liked to see them performing it thirty years ago.
Belle et Bonne: I agree. It's a young man's play. An older person wouldn't want to abandon his life to chance like that. Life's chancey enough when you're old, don't you think, Uncle David?
Le Bon David: Old? Hum, hum.
The VeloDrone: Old? You girls are being ridiculous. A mature person might very well think his life was dull and want to spice it up a bit by the throwing of a dice. Or die.
Marie: Or die?
The VeloDrone: One die.
Le Bon David: My prince will come!
Marie: Now who's being ridiculous? Anyway, I knew you two would like it.
Le Bon David: Because we're old and fat?
The VeloDrone: I'm not fat!
Belle et Bonne: Because you like everything. That's why we love you.
Le Bon David: Oh.
The VeloDrone: Well said, dear Belle et Bonne. Now would anyone like another drink?
Saturday, February 19, 2011
The Twittering Machine
The philosophers are in Adelaide, for the Fringe. Marie and Belle et Bonne are waiting for The VeloDrone and Le Bon David at the backpacker hostel where the four of them are staying.
The VeloDrone and Le Bon David enter the common room.
The VeloDrone: Hello my dears! We've just seen a wonderful show. It had a bicycle in it!
Le Bon David: And it was free!
Marie: What was it called?
The VeloDrone: The Twittering Machine. A man sat on a bicycle, a bell rang, a birdcage came down over his head and he began tweeting like a bird.
Belle et Bonne: That sounds very silly.
Le Bon David: Oh, that was only the beginning. He got off the bicycle and set up an elaborate machine. Then he put his finger into a mousetrap.....
Marie: Why would anybody put their finger into a mousetrap?
The VeloDrone: In the interests of science, my dear. The snapping of the mousetrap set off a series of events involving a mechanical duck, a bow and arrow, a boxing glove, a basketball, a mop and other things too numerous to mention. The series of events ended with four eggs dropping simultaneously into four glasses of water.
Le Bon David: A brilliant demonstration!
Belle et Bonne: Of what? You two are easily pleased. But you did better than us. We went looking for the installation on level two, 50 Rundle Mall.
The VeloDrone: Isn't that Spotlight?
Marie: Yes, how do you know? Oh, is that where you two bought the material for your costumes?
Le Bon David: The ill-fated costumes.
The VeloDrone: Who knew it would rain in Adelaide on Fringe Opening night ? Anyway, how was your installation?
Belle et Bonne: Almost indistinguishable from the other bolts of cloth and dummies. Basically that was what it was.
Marie: Yes, disappointing.
The VeloDrone: Perhaps you have the wrong attitude my dears. You need to enter into the spirit of things, at the Fringe. Everything is fun, fun, fun. And now I think we should all put on our raincoats and go and visit the Garden of Unearthly Delights.
The VeloDrone and Le Bon David enter the common room.
The VeloDrone: Hello my dears! We've just seen a wonderful show. It had a bicycle in it!
Le Bon David: And it was free!
Marie: What was it called?
The VeloDrone: The Twittering Machine. A man sat on a bicycle, a bell rang, a birdcage came down over his head and he began tweeting like a bird.
Belle et Bonne: That sounds very silly.
Le Bon David: Oh, that was only the beginning. He got off the bicycle and set up an elaborate machine. Then he put his finger into a mousetrap.....
Marie: Why would anybody put their finger into a mousetrap?
The VeloDrone: In the interests of science, my dear. The snapping of the mousetrap set off a series of events involving a mechanical duck, a bow and arrow, a boxing glove, a basketball, a mop and other things too numerous to mention. The series of events ended with four eggs dropping simultaneously into four glasses of water.
Le Bon David: A brilliant demonstration!
Belle et Bonne: Of what? You two are easily pleased. But you did better than us. We went looking for the installation on level two, 50 Rundle Mall.
The VeloDrone: Isn't that Spotlight?
Marie: Yes, how do you know? Oh, is that where you two bought the material for your costumes?
Le Bon David: The ill-fated costumes.
The VeloDrone: Who knew it would rain in Adelaide on Fringe Opening night ? Anyway, how was your installation?
Belle et Bonne: Almost indistinguishable from the other bolts of cloth and dummies. Basically that was what it was.
Marie: Yes, disappointing.
The VeloDrone: Perhaps you have the wrong attitude my dears. You need to enter into the spirit of things, at the Fringe. Everything is fun, fun, fun. And now I think we should all put on our raincoats and go and visit the Garden of Unearthly Delights.
Friday, February 18, 2011
POER FOREVR ended
We finished lunch and went to brush mum's teeth. There were quite a few ladies in the ladies' washrooms but most of them were behind closed doors. Mum cleaned her teeth so discreetly that nobody noticed.
Back in the mall she bared her teeth. Can you see any lettuce? she asked. No, I replied, I can't. Was there any point mentioning the chunk of white pastry lodged between two of her teeth? The dentist could poke that out later, with a prong.
We had more than an hour to look at the shops. We went into Laura Ashley and Esprit. We looked at the two Sydney Streets. One Sydney Street is more dressy, the other more sporty. In the sporty one we saw a bargain. An unstructured jacket knitted in dark green silk string. It once cost four hundred dollars but now you could have it for fifty.
Try it on, said my mum. I want to see what it looks like. I tried it on. I turned sideways to look at myself in a mirror. I looked like a disconsolate pine.
Back in the mall she bared her teeth. Can you see any lettuce? she asked. No, I replied, I can't. Was there any point mentioning the chunk of white pastry lodged between two of her teeth? The dentist could poke that out later, with a prong.
We had more than an hour to look at the shops. We went into Laura Ashley and Esprit. We looked at the two Sydney Streets. One Sydney Street is more dressy, the other more sporty. In the sporty one we saw a bargain. An unstructured jacket knitted in dark green silk string. It once cost four hundred dollars but now you could have it for fifty.
Try it on, said my mum. I want to see what it looks like. I tried it on. I turned sideways to look at myself in a mirror. I looked like a disconsolate pine.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
POER FOREVR continued
Where was I? Oh yes, under the clock in Burnside Village. It was only half past eleven, and mum wanted lunch.
It wasn't her fault. She had a dental appointment at two o'clock and I suppose she wanted to get lunch out of the way and brush her teeth in the ladies' washrooms before large numbers of ladies began to flood them. I say washrooms, because I don't like to say toilets in this context, but of course, I mean toilets. And of course, I don't literally mean flood them.
Now I was determined to delay a little because I don't like to eat lunch at half past eleven. But I agreed to start looking around. We looked at Jardines on the Square, VP's, and Ushi Sushi, and the Village Bakery. We chose the Bakery. Then we looked at quiches and muffins and pies, cakes and smallgoods and cheeses until quarter to twelve. Oh, let's eat now, said mum. Alright I said. I said it because I am and have always been perfectly willing to eat lunch at quarter to twelve.
The Village Bakery is small and almost entirely filled by the counter. Customers have to sit at a long table half in and half out of the shop. Mum sat in the shop and I sat jutting into the mall. I was eating a vegetarian sandwich with squashy vegetables inside the bread. Mum was eating a quiche and salad, with brown stuff drizzled over the top. Two seats down from mum in the corner was wedged an old lady drinking coffee and slowly eating a scone. It was obvious she didn't think it was lunchtime.
To be continued.....
It wasn't her fault. She had a dental appointment at two o'clock and I suppose she wanted to get lunch out of the way and brush her teeth in the ladies' washrooms before large numbers of ladies began to flood them. I say washrooms, because I don't like to say toilets in this context, but of course, I mean toilets. And of course, I don't literally mean flood them.
Now I was determined to delay a little because I don't like to eat lunch at half past eleven. But I agreed to start looking around. We looked at Jardines on the Square, VP's, and Ushi Sushi, and the Village Bakery. We chose the Bakery. Then we looked at quiches and muffins and pies, cakes and smallgoods and cheeses until quarter to twelve. Oh, let's eat now, said mum. Alright I said. I said it because I am and have always been perfectly willing to eat lunch at quarter to twelve.
The Village Bakery is small and almost entirely filled by the counter. Customers have to sit at a long table half in and half out of the shop. Mum sat in the shop and I sat jutting into the mall. I was eating a vegetarian sandwich with squashy vegetables inside the bread. Mum was eating a quiche and salad, with brown stuff drizzled over the top. Two seats down from mum in the corner was wedged an old lady drinking coffee and slowly eating a scone. It was obvious she didn't think it was lunchtime.
To be continued.....
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
POER FOREVR
Fortunately Pliny stopped choking of his own accord.
Are you alright? I asked, as soon as it looked as though the answer might be yes.
Yes, said Pliny. But perhaps we should not continue our conversation. I need to be quiet.
You be quiet then, I said. I'm going out.
It was true. I was going out. I was going to meet my mum at Burnside Village. First I had to decide what to wear. Burnside Village is not like Norwood. So I put on a teeshirt that had quite recently belonged to my daughter, until she realised she did not like it. On the teeshirt was a barely recognisable picture of a helicopter and some thumbprints, and the graffiti-like words : FOREUR, POER, FOREVR. That should work. With the baggy cargo pants.
I met my mum under the clock in the mall. She was sitting in an armchair looking at a screen flashing expensive things that you could buy in Burnside Village. Two old men were sitting there as well, reading newspapers.
Where shall we eat? said mum, standing up as soon as she saw me.
It was only half past eleven.
to be continued.....
Are you alright? I asked, as soon as it looked as though the answer might be yes.
Yes, said Pliny. But perhaps we should not continue our conversation. I need to be quiet.
You be quiet then, I said. I'm going out.
It was true. I was going out. I was going to meet my mum at Burnside Village. First I had to decide what to wear. Burnside Village is not like Norwood. So I put on a teeshirt that had quite recently belonged to my daughter, until she realised she did not like it. On the teeshirt was a barely recognisable picture of a helicopter and some thumbprints, and the graffiti-like words : FOREUR, POER, FOREVR. That should work. With the baggy cargo pants.
I met my mum under the clock in the mall. She was sitting in an armchair looking at a screen flashing expensive things that you could buy in Burnside Village. Two old men were sitting there as well, reading newspapers.
Where shall we eat? said mum, standing up as soon as she saw me.
It was only half past eleven.
to be continued.....
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
The Goby Fish
I sometimes think, I said to Pliny the Elder, that you know the things you say are funny.
What things? asked Pliny, chewing on his breakfast toast and jam.
The claims you make for remedies and cures for example. "If you have some bread stuck in your throat pieces from the same loaf should be placed inside both ears."
Yes, I knew that one was funny, said Pliny. But not everyone did.
What about your story of the Goby Fish? I asked. Did you seriously believe a tiny fish could hold back a warship?
It is well recorded, said Pliny. A Goby Fish held back Anthony's ship at the battle of Actium. He had to change ships. This delay gave Octavian's fleet the chance to make their attack.
Couldn't that have just been an excuse? I said, sceptically
Nonsense, said Pliny. Romans do not make excuses. In my own time a Goby held back the Emperor Gaius's ship on his voyage back to Antium. His was the only ship in the fleet that stopped. His men dived under the water and soon discovered the cause. A Goby Fish was attached to the rudder, preventing his 400 rowers from moving forward.
I know all this, I said. I just read it this morning. And Emperor Gaius was furious, especially when he realised the fish didn't have the same power when it was brought on board. But my question is, Pliny, when you wrote it down, did you really believe it?
That is for me to know, said Pliny, and you to wonder.
I thought we were friends, I said. You can tell me.
Alright, said Pliny. I.....och....cough cough...choke.....aagh......
He appeared to be choking on his piece of toast. I ran to fetch the loaf from whence it came.
What things? asked Pliny, chewing on his breakfast toast and jam.
The claims you make for remedies and cures for example. "If you have some bread stuck in your throat pieces from the same loaf should be placed inside both ears."
Yes, I knew that one was funny, said Pliny. But not everyone did.
What about your story of the Goby Fish? I asked. Did you seriously believe a tiny fish could hold back a warship?
It is well recorded, said Pliny. A Goby Fish held back Anthony's ship at the battle of Actium. He had to change ships. This delay gave Octavian's fleet the chance to make their attack.
Couldn't that have just been an excuse? I said, sceptically
Nonsense, said Pliny. Romans do not make excuses. In my own time a Goby held back the Emperor Gaius's ship on his voyage back to Antium. His was the only ship in the fleet that stopped. His men dived under the water and soon discovered the cause. A Goby Fish was attached to the rudder, preventing his 400 rowers from moving forward.
I know all this, I said. I just read it this morning. And Emperor Gaius was furious, especially when he realised the fish didn't have the same power when it was brought on board. But my question is, Pliny, when you wrote it down, did you really believe it?
That is for me to know, said Pliny, and you to wonder.
I thought we were friends, I said. You can tell me.
Alright, said Pliny. I.....och....cough cough...choke.....aagh......
He appeared to be choking on his piece of toast. I ran to fetch the loaf from whence it came.
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