Heirarchical Order

Everyone dozed, except the Christmas Tree.

When they woke up it was dark and they were lying down horizontal in the box.

What happened? asked Father Christmas. Why is it dark, and why are we arranged like this?

Get off me! said Mother Christmas. You great big hairy lump.

Steady on! said Father Christmas. Do I know you?

Mother Christmas, so-called because of this silly apron, sniffed Mother Christmas.

Oh you! said Father Christmas. I think we have a bone to pick with that young whipper-snapper don't you? She has imposed a heirarchical order on us that is bound to cause friction and unrest.

Speaking of friction and unrest, said the Bag of Presents. This is very uncomfortable. Do you think this is Sydney?

The Cute Reindeer tried in vain to rearrange its black pipe cleaner antlers.

Better not be, said the Cute Reindeer.

It's not Sydney, said the Stupid Looking Snowman. Sydney is bigger, not smaller.

This isn't smaller, said Branch Member One. It's the same, with a lid.

Yeah, said Branch Member Two. It's the same, with a lid.

I didn't say it was smaller, said the Snowman.

I know! said Lavender.

What? asked the Snowman.

What? asked the Cute Reindeer.

What? asked Father Christmas, Mother Christmas, and the Bag of Presents.

It's time to go, said Lavender. Today is Thursday. You must all keep very quiet and still.

Waiting for Thursday

What happens now? said Lavender expectantly.

We wait, said the Cute Reindeer.

What for? asked Lavender.

Thursday, said the Cute Reindeer.

When is that? asked Lavender.

Don't know, said the Cute Reindeer.

Branch Member One nudged Branch Member Two.

She doesn't know, said Branch Member One.

Yeah, said Branch Member Two. Yeah... she doesn't know. Do you know?

No, said Branch Member One. But we don't have to know. I thought she would know.

The Stupid Looking Snowman coughed loudly.

What is it? asked Lavender.

I know, said the Stupid Looking Snowman.

When is it? asked Lavender.

Tomorrow, said the Stupid Looking Snowman. I keep my ears open, I do.

You're not so stupid, said Lavender.

Change my name then, said the Stupid Looking Snowman

No, said Lavender. You still look stupid.

Why? asked the Snowman. Is it my hat?

Yes, it's your hat, said Lavender. You look like a startled bee in that hat.

As long as it's my hat, said the Snowman.

You mean, and not your face, said Lavender.

Yes, said the Snowman.

Everyone was silent.

Now what do we do? asked the Bag of Presents.

We wait for Thursday, said Lavender.

Christmas Party Branch Members

Lavender didn't know exactly what faith was. But she knew she had courage. And she knew how to leap. Gathering her strength she leapt from the window sill across the room to the bookcase and landed in a shoe box full of personages in hats.

The personages, who appeared to be made out of knitting, shuffled awkwardly to make space for Lavender.

Woo! said Lavender. Where have I landed? And who are all of you?

More to the point, who are you? said one of the personages, who was dressed up like Father Christmas. Are you coming with us to Sydney?

Sydney? said Lavender. Who's Sydney?

We don't know, said the Father Christmas. We are just newly minted. We're all going to Sydney on Thursday, and that's all we know.

Why do you look like Father Christmas? said Lavender. And who's everybody else?

We don't know, said another of the other personages, who was wearing a Christmas hat and a red knitted apron. Maybe you know?

You look like Mother Christmas, said Lavender.

Wait a minute, said the Mother Christmas. That's a bit sexist.

Loser, said Lavender. You're wearing an APRON! Now shut up and I'll give you all names.

How come SHE's in charge? muttered one of the the personages from under his tall stripey hat.

Yeah, said the other one who looked much the same. But.... yeah.... she did come out of the sky.

Yeah, yeah...true.... said the other one, nodding his head, and his hat.

Right! Names! said Lavender. Father Christmas, Mother Christmas, Branch Member One, Branch Member Two, Stupid Looking Snowman, Cute Reindeer, Christmas Tree, Bag of Presents.

Oi! said the Bag of Presents. I'm not a bag of presents.

It's your NAME, said Lavender, You don't have to BE a bag of presents.

Alright then, said the Bag of Presents. Just so it's clear.

What's the point of you then? asked the Stupid Looking Snowman.

What's the point of YOU? said the Bag of Presents. A snowman made out of knitting.

Stop it! said Lavender. Let's have no more of this kind of talk.

Everyone was silent.

Lavender was pleased with her leap of faith. She had ended up in charge. Her word was law. She looked forward to Thursday. What would Sydney be like?

Listening From Behind the Envelope

Baby Pierre strolled over to see Pierre, his mummy.

Hello, Baby Pierre, said his mummy. I see you've been talking to Kobo.

Don't you want to know where I've been? asked Baby Pierre.

I know where you've been, said Pierre. And neither I nor the Manifest Stone approve of you going on errands for Kobo. She's a non-believer, you know.

I'm a non believer as well, said Baby Pierre.

No you're not, said Pierre.

Yes I am, said Baby Pierre.

You shouldn't listen to her, said Pierre.

She's about to read Philosophical Crumbs, said Baby Pierre.

Whatever is that? said Pierre.

It's by Kierkegaard, said Baby Pierre.

A philosopher, said Pierre, dismissively. She's just showing off.

The Manifest Stone began to quiver and hum, and emitted a long high-pitched ommmmmmmm.

It's about whether it's reasonable to believe in a god, said Baby Pierre, or whether it's not. Kierkegaard says that because it's not reasonable, you need to make a leap into faith.

Really, said Pierre. Kobo's reading that? Perhaps she's converted. I must go and see her at once.

She hurried over to Kobo.

Kobo! she cried. Dearest sister! Are you making the leap into faith?

No, said Kobo. I reject Kierkegaard's philosophy. I am just reading him for the jokes.

Jokes! said Pierre. That is shocking!

He's witty said Kobo, and writes well. He's puzzling and surprising and makes me laugh. But he hasn't convinced me to take the leap of faith.

You lack courage, said Pierre. That is just like you. I see you haven't put in your new eyes yet. You probably never will.

Oh go away, Pierre, said Kobo. You're the one who is blind.

Lavender was listening to this most serious conversation from her place behind the envelope of seeds.

I am going to make a leap of faith! she said to herself. And I'm not going to tell ANYONE.

Philosophical Crumbs

Are you going to put them in, Aunty Kobo? asked Baby Pierre.

I don't think so, not yet, said Kobo. I think I'll just keep them in this hessian bag until Ageless comes round.

I thought you wanted them desperately, said Baby Pierre.

I've been reading Kierkegaard, said Kobo. And I now see things differently. Life is about repetition, not radical change.

No, aunty, said Baby Pierre. You can't have read Kierkegaard properly, if that's what you think. What are you reading exactly?

Repetition and Philosophical Crumbs, said Kobo. But I haven't begun Philosophical Crumbs. Have you read it, Baby Pierre?

Bet he HASN'T! said Lavender. Bet he's just showing off.

Alright, smarty clever clogs, I haven't, said Baby Pierre. But I've read Potted Philosophers, and I know Kierkegaard was the father of existentialism and also a Christian, who invented the term Leap of Faith.

I don't like the sound of that much, said Kobo. I might leave Philosophical Crumbs. Now, as you are so knowledgeable, Baby Pierre.......

Knowledgeable! sniggered Lavender. He's only read Potted Philosophers.

I'm sure it's more than you've read, Lavender, said Kobo severely.

Lavender went off behind an envelope full of dried seeds, to sulk.

Now as I was saying, continued Kobo, as you're so well-informed, Baby Pierre, can you recommend any other philosophers to me, preferably beginning with K ?

Kant, said Baby Pierre.

Oh, never mind then, said Kobo.

A Strange Bewildered Look

Kobo was reading up on Kierkegaard's personal life. He did have a girlfriend.

Thought so, said Kobo.

Kierkegaard had been engaged to his girfriend, whose name was Regine. She was younger than he was, and pretty. Then Kierkegaard had decided he wasn't cut out for marriage.

Hey! said Kobo. Don't I know this story?

Kierkegaard had broken off the engagement, pretending that he had deceived Regine with another girl. He was a long time coming to terms with what he'd done.

Some philosopher, said Kobo. He only thought of himself. What about Regine? Did she marry someone else?

But the text didn't say.

It did say what Kierkegaard looked like. A friend had described him like this: His hair rose up a good six inches above his forehead into a tousled crest that gave him a strange bewildered look.

That's not how I pictured him, said Kobo. I am so disappointed.

Just then Baby Pierre and Lavender arrived, with the eyes in the hessian bag.

Hello Aunty Kobo, said Lavender. I've brought back Baby Pierre, and your eyes.

No she hasn't, said Baby Pierre. I was coming back anyway. And I've brought the eyes.

Thank you dear, said Kobo. I don't suppose Ageless is with you?

No, he stayed at the museum, said Baby Pierre. He's involved in some sort of display.

Tell me, said Kobo. Is Ageless handsome?

Lavender stifled a snort.

Not at the moment, said Baby Pierre.

Happy Endings in Sight

Kobo had finished Repetition. Now she got it. Kierkegaard was saying that life was a repetition. The young man had got his life back. Now he could start all over again, but he had learned something. This was opposed to the Platonic view, where he would have already known it in the first place.

That is deep, said Kobo. I wonder if Kierkegaard had a girlfriend?

.......

Back in the Pacific Cultures Gallery, the existential debate continued.

If you don't care about anything, why are you looking for your daddy? asked Baby Pierre.

Shut up, Baby Pierre, said Lavender. Just SHUT UP!

Uuurrgh, said Ageless,

What's the matter? asked Mr Lee.

I think I'm beginning to moult, said Ageless. I don't feel very well.

It may be the corn chips, said Mr Lee.

I doubt it, said Ageless. It's the crack in my head. I shall have to leave you all soon and go back to the sea for a while.

Don't go, said Mr Lee. We have a new exhibition coming up called The Abyss. We're having a water tank and everything. You can do it in there.

In front of everyone? said Ageless.

We'd pay you, said Mr Lee, temptingly.

Alright, said Ageless. It's a deal.

Wooo! said Baby Pierre. I would never do something like that.

Stupid! How could you do something like that? said Lavender.

Shut up, Lavender, said Baby Pierre. You don't know anything. I'm going home.

I rescued you, said Lavender. We'll go home together, so Kobo can see.

Take these with you, said Ageless, handing a small hessian bag to Baby Pierre.

Give it to me, said Lavender, I'll take it. What's in it?

Kobo's new calcite eyes, said Ageless.

Eeuuww! said Lavender. I don't want them. Are they sticky?

No, said Mr Lee. They're as hard as a rock.