Unwelcome In London

Belle et Bonne flies to Edinburgh the very next day.

On the plane she is reading a newspaper. She flicks through to the sports section, see if there's anything about the Tour.

Ha ha! Froome has made up with Wiggo. I'd like to have been a fly on the wall when that happened, thinks Belle et Bonne. She folds up the newspaper, and looks out of the window at Scotland. Is that Edinburgh already?

.........

Darling! says Vello, when Belle et Bonne arrives at the hotel . You're a lifesaver!

David smiles faintly. A lifesaver? Thank you Vello, old friend.

Well, says Belle et Bonne. To be honest I was lonely in Paris. What's the weather like here? Rainy and cold I suppose?

Not at all, says David. It's balmy. Perhaps you'd like to ride with me out to Chirnside? It would be so pleasant to ride through the dear winding laneways smelling the exquisite wildflowers of Scotland....

She doesn't have a bicycle, says Vello.

No problem, says David. She can ride yours.

Let me catch my breath first, says Belle et Bonne, putting her bag down and dropping the newspaper on the table.

Heard from Ageless? says Vello.

No, says Belle et Bonne. He seems to have disappeared off the train. I wish we knew someone who might have seen him.

Chris Froome was on the train, says David. I saw him.

Really? says Belle et Bonne. Froome was on the train? I read something about Froome this morning. What was it? Oh yes, he's made up with Wiggo.

Let me see, says Vello, grabbing the newspaper. Hee hee! It says here that Froomey took Wiggo a present. A .... boiled lobster from Paris. Oh my.... that's hilarious...a boiled lobster! He bought him a dinner!

Papa! says Belle et Bonne. You don't think....?

But they do think.

And it suddenly seems horribly clear.

............

Arthur knocks on the door of an apartment on the third floor of a house in central London. Mathilde opens the door.

Her face freezes.

Arthur! says Mathilde. What are you doing here?

Is Paul here? says Arthur.

No, says Mathilde. Fortunately, he has just left.

Where was he going? asks Arthur.

As if I would tell you, Arthur Rimbaud, says Mathilde, slamming the door.

Calling From The Monoprix

The Eurostar is empty of passengers. Now the cleaners come on.

There is one unclaimed bicycle in the baggage compartment and a bee-like cycling outfit on one of the seats in car four. It appears to have been held together by toothpicks. But of the owner, there is no trace.

The items are removed from the train and a set of new passengers gets on.

...........

Tick, tock. Three o'clock in Paris.

It is time for Ageless to report to Belle et Bonne, on the whereabouts and safety of Arthur.

But there is no call.

Typical Ageless, thinks Belle et Bonne. I suppose he'll get back to me soon. She decides to go shopping, in Monoprix, for groceries, for one.

.............

David and Vello are now on the train to Edinburgh, seated comfortably at last.

What a kerfuffle! says David. Changing trains is the very devil. Why didn't we fly?

You know very well why, says Vello. You want to traipse out to Chirnside and find Ninewells like the sentimental ninny that you are.

I know, I know, says David. One gets to a certain time of life.....

And? says Vello.

One wishes to revisit the past, says David. Just to see what has changed.

I can tell you what has changed, says Vello. You are no longer that young dreamer, who discovered a new scene of thought, and entered upon a lifetime of philosophical enquiry, you are now just a fat, old bicycling tourist with a  .....

I say, Vello, says David. Are you angry about something?

Not at all, says Vello. Do I seem angry?

Yes, says David. You do. I suspect you are jealous.

Jealous! says Vello. Not I.

Luckily at this moment his phone rings. It is Belle et Bonne, calling from the Monoprix.

Papa! says Belle et Bonne. How are you enjoying the scenery?

Scenery? says Vello. Oh very fine I must say. Fields mainly. Grass. The odd cow. Sky. Clouds.

Papa! says Belle et Bonne. You should pay more attention. I bet you're bickering with David. Do try to be nice. I'm calling because I'm worried about Arthur.

But my dear, Ageless is on the case, isn't he? says Vello. What can possibly happen to Arthur?

The thing is, I think something's happened to Ageless, says Belle et Bonne. Did you happen to see him at all?

See him? Why ever should we? says Vello. We've been on the train. And now were on another one.

Didn't you know? Ageless and Arthur were on the same train. The one you and David were on.

Goodness me! says Vello. Well, we didn't see them. We got off in rather a hurry.

Oh, do take care, papa, says Belle et Bonne. You shouldn't get off in a hurry. Perhaps I should join you in Scotland? Even though I detest it.

No no, dear, says Vello. David and I are old troopers. We will be perfectly .....err.... actually.......yes why don't you come? We can go to some shows in Edinburgh, you and I, while David tootles off in search of temps perdu, no doubt to be disappointed.

He looks at David, to see if he is listening, but David is looking at cows.

Caught Short In St Pancras Station

Romance? says Arthur warily, covering his poem with his hand.

Nah, not really, says Froomey. Just kidding. Is everything okay?

Why wouldn't it be? says Arthur. Is everything okay with you?

No, says Froomey. But it will be.

He waits for Arthur to enquire further, but Arthur says nothing. He is waiting for Froomey to go.

It's Wiggo, says Froomey. I have to see Wiggo, and give him these. A peace offering.

Arthur watches while Froomey feels about in his pockets and pulls out a three-pack of bright yellow macarons from Pierre Hermé, best macaron maker in Paris.

Arthur is impressed, but tries not to look it.

He wishes he had bought a souvenir gift of macarons to bring with him to London. He has an idea.

Yellow macarons? says Arthur. Isn't that rubbing it in?

Is it? says Froomey. Heck I don't want to annoy Wiggo.....

Any more than you already have, says Arthur. If only you hadn't picked yellow.

You're dead right, says Froomey. Here, you have these.

He thrusts the macarons at Arthur.

Arthur takes the box of yellow macarons made by Pierre Hermé, the best macaron maker in Paris, and shoves them into his pocket.

You won't regret your decision, says Arthur.

Froomey stands up to go back to his seat in the fourth compartment.

Tell Ageless, says Arthur, that if I catch him following me I'll cut off one of his appendages.

Gosh! says Froomey. All right.

He starts walking back.

Arthur takes his hand away from the first line of his poem.

He scores out the line and begins writing something sweeter, in which the word yellow is featured.

He is pleased with his sweet yellow line. He feels like a poet again. And the train is arriving in London.

.......

But we weren't going to follow Arthur. Why can't we leave him alone?

David and Vello are wide awake now.

The train pulls in to St Pancras. They leap to their feet.

They must retrieve their bicycles and race to another platform to catch the Virgin train to Edinburgh. They have only ten minutes to do it.

And they both need to pee. If only they had done it before!

So they are first off the train, and don't see what happens to Ageless........

For The Sake Of Romance

Chris Froome looks up from his notebook. What's that he can see?

Two antennae waving above the seat in front of him.

He leans round the seat and taps Ageless. Ageless jumps!

Ooh! says Ageless. Froomey! Don't scare me like that. I thought you were Arthur.

Arthur Rimbaud? says Froomey. From Team Provenance? Is he here?

Shh! says Ageless. Yes he's here. But he doesn't know I am.

He doesn't know I am, says Froomey. So what?

I'm keeping an eye on him, says Ageless. Just to make sure he's all right.

Froomey is suspicious. This is Ageless, the tripper and poisoner, who recently got off scot free.

Would you do me a favour? says Ageless. Wander down to the first compartment, just casually, and see if he's there? I haven't checked since we boarded the train.

Why? says Froomey. Why can't you go?

Incognito, says Ageless. Reporting back to someone. For a reward, he adds before he can stop himself. Damn, that part was private!

Reward, says Froomey? What is it?

Do you have a beloved? says Ageless.

I have a fiancée, says Froomey. If that's what you mean.

Then you will understand, says Ageless. Go now, for the sake of romance.

Froomey doesn't understand anything, but he decides to go and find out. He stands and makes his way back to the first compartment. He will pretend he is checking his bike.

He passes through the second compartment. There he sees Vello and David, asleep.

He accidentally knocks David's shoulder.

Froomey! says David, waking up. What are you doing here?

Nothing, says Froomey. Just checking my bike.

Uh huh, says David nodding off again.

Froomey is elated. How easily people are tricked.

He enters the first compartment .

There is Arthur, sitting all by himself, scribbling notes.

Froomey sits down next to Arthur.

Hello Froomey, says Arthur. What are you doing here?

I'm here in the name of romance, says Froomey, thinking Arthur will think it is funny.

But Arthur only  looks sour.

Recovering Lost Youth

Here we are in the baggage compartment of the Eurostar train to London.

Here is Arthur's bicycle.

Here are two more bicycles. They are the bicycles of Vello and David.

That is not so strange. They are going to London, and on up to Edinburgh that same afternoon.

There are two more bicycles, belonging to persons we know.

And then, other bicycles, of no interest to us whatsoever.

Let us walk up the train.

Here is Arthur, scribbling something onto a notepad. Has he started writing poetry again?

Green bilious excretions of love.....

Oh dear, that's not very good. Let's move on.

Here are Vello and David in the second compartment.

They are discussing where they might go.

It's my idea, you know old chap, says David. You're just tagging along.

Nonetheless says Vello, I don't think it's wise.

Tell me why it's not wise to go back to one's roots, says David hotly. I want to see Ninewells again. And I shall. Are you coming or not?

No good trying to recover your lost youth, says Vello. It's pointless. Let's just stay in Edinburgh and visit the pubs. If you feel energetic we can climb Arthur's Seat.

This reminds them of Arthur.

I wonder what young Arthur's up to? says David. He's such a secretive chap.

We'll soon find out, says Vello. You know Ageless is right on his tail?

Yes but how reliable is Ageless? says David.

Reliable enough, says Vello. Belle et Bonne has promised him a reward.

David tries to imagine what that might be.

Do we know what it is? says David.

Something to do with his beloved, says Vello.

The two men are silent for a while, thinking of various beloveds they have known in the past.

The train roars on monotonously. They soon fall asleep.

And now here we are in the fourth compartment.

We should not be surprised to see Ageless, for we know he is acting the spy.

But who is this sitting behind him? The other person we know?

It's Chris Froome, on a quick trip to London. And that was his bike.

Don't Spend Capital If You Don't Have To

Before we leave Arthur, let's make sure he's all right.

Arthur is on his way to Paris Gare du Nord. He's been thinking of London, and who he will meet there and what might happen.

But first he must purchase a ticket.

Arthur likes having two gold coins in his pocket. He doesn't want to use one of them up. He pulls out the shoe horn.

He leaves his bicycle on the footpath and ducks into a pawn shop.

What will you give me for this? says Arthur. It's no ordinary shoe horn.

Alors! says the pawnbroker. It looks like one. Perhaps it belongs to someone famous?

As a matter of fact, says Arthur, it does. It belongs to Katherine Hume, the mother of the famous philosopher.

Don't tell me! cries the pawnbroker. Le Bon David! The great David Hume!

That's the one, says Arthur. What will you give me for it? I need seventy euro to get on the Eurostar to London.

I will give you seventy euro, says the pawnbroker. In exchange for the shoe horn, and its provenance.

Provenance, says Arthur. Let's see. He rummages about in his pockets. Deeper and deeper he goes.

He pulls out a few crumpled papers. Power Bar wrappers, receipts for urine samples..... aha! The receipt for his shorts! Katherine had bought them, before they went to Turkey, because his old ones were stained with cuttlefish ink among other things....... but her name is not on the receipt.

Or is it?

Arthur turns it over. On the back is a hastily scribbled note. Keep the receipt Arthur, in case they don't fit! Katherine.

Here, says Arthur. That's her name. Katherine. And this is a receipt. And that name there, Arthur, that's me. Arthur Rimbaud.

Arthur Rimbaud! says the pawnbroker. I thought I knew that face! Here is seventy euro, with my compliments. After all, you are more famous than her.

So you don't want the shoe horn? says Arthur. I can keep it?

Yes I do want the shoe horn, says the pawnbroker. I am not stupid. But come back for it when you are ready. I shall keep it safe here.

Thank you, says Arthur.

He goes out of the pawnshop, and gets back on his bike. That was too easy. And it wasn't even her shoe horn. It was the one he'd acquired for himself. He jingles the coins in his pocket.

Yes, Arthur will be all right.

The Young Poet Is Never Alone

So, the members of Team Provenance and Team Philosophe are going their various ways.

David and Vello are going to Scotland, leaving Sweezus and Unni in charge of Velosophy.

Belle et Bonne is remaining in Paris.

Niko is going back to his island, to get ready for Christmas.

Freud is returning to the south coast and his new venture, Paintball and Pedal.

Surfing-With-Whales is returning to his mum's place in Middleton.

Gaius is considering going back to Cuttlefish Country, to help with the cause.

And Arthur is not telling anyone where he is going.

This annoys them no end.

None of them want to leave Paris until they know what Arthur is doing.

Arthur finds he is never alone.

So you're staying in Paris? says Sweezus, off-handedly.

No, says Arthur. I'm not staying here.

Yeah, says Surfing-with-Whales. Who'd wanna stay here? There's no surfing.

That's not why, says Arthur.

I would, says Belle et Bonne. It's the best city on earth. So Arthur, where are you going?

Yes Arthur, where are you going? says Unni. It's mean not to tell us.

But Arthur won't say.

Eventually they are obliged to leave Arthur to his own devices.

They leave one by one for their own destinations.

Now Arthur is free.

He has a bicycle, a shoe horn and two gold coins in his pocket. And several dirty bandages.

He is heading for London. To meet up with someone he knows.

Arthur sets off through the streets of Paris.

Shall we follow him? No.

But someone is following Arthur.

There he goes, bold as brass, on a bicycle, a lobster dressed like a bee.