Who Knows, Rules

Are we there yet? asks Terence.

Ask the Rector, says Gaius.

Terence speeds up to the front of the walking party.

Are we there yet? asks Terence.

Of course not, says the Rector. We are climbing the Tafaga ridge, and will soon see the ruins of Tafaga.

Will there be parrots? asks Terence.

Could be, says the Rector. There! Look up there, Terence!

The Rector has spotted a falcon.

A parrot! cries Terence.

A falcon, says the Rector.

Cannot but be, says Terence.

What's this? says the Rector.

It's a game. Cannot but be. What if you saw a parrot? says Terence.

I just saw a falcon, says the Rector. So did you.

Very good, says Terence.

But it's not funny. Terence has forgotten how to play cannot but be.

He wishes he could ask Baby Pierre what the rules are.

Did you see that falcon? asks Gaius, catching up.

Yes, says the Rector. We both saw it.

It was a parrot, says Terence.

A falcon, says the Rector.

He thinks all birds are parrots, says Gaius. You may find it best to indulge him.

That would be wrong, says the Rector. Ah! here we are. The ruins of Tafaga. We must be at six hundred metres.

Very nice, says Gaius, looking at several old grey stone houses, crumbling and open to the elements.

A bit further on, at the high point, we'll get our first view of the lighthouse, says the Rector.

Kong catches up. He is puffing.

Eh-huh, puffs Kong. Gaius, how about you taking Daniel O'Connell?

Gaius takes the red box, containing Daniel O'Connell.

He looks inside. Daniel appears to be sleeping.

How tranquil it is in the mountains.

Gaius puts the box down.

Next to where he has put it, he spots a green succulent flower.

Exquisite! says Gaius. But I can't identify it.

This, my dear Gaius, says the Rector, is a Bejeque. Aeonium canariense. Found only on Tenerife, and La Palma.

Fascinating, says Gaius. He gets out his phone to take photo.

Click.

Daniel O'Connell wakes up.

Are we there yet?

Terence rushes over, to tell Daniel O'Connell that they are not there yet, and to ask him if he can remember how to play cannot but be, and to tell him that he has spotted a parrot which the Rector thought was a falcon, and..... steps on the Bejeque.

Squiiirch!

Daniel O'Connell is squirted.

Better wipe his legs, says the Rector. Anyone got a hankie?

No. No one has. Daniel's new legs will have to stay sticky.

We saw a parrot, says Terence.

You're supposed to be looking for a spider, says Daniel O'Connell. This is my expedition.

This is my expedition, says the Rector. Come along. Terence, walk beside me.

And the Rector takes charge once again, of the expedition.

As they walk to the view point, he grills Terence on why he believes every bird is a parrot, and by the time they have reached it, and gazed down on the lighthouse, and beyond it, in the sparkling ocean, the beautiful Roques de Anaga, he has discovered  the answer.

Follow Your Heart

I'll be back, says Baby Pierre. Hold onto my hat.

Okay, says Diego.

Baby Pierre rolls down University Drive after White Slits.

White Slits is fast. She is already at the bus stop.

But there is no bus there. And no bus due for ten minutes.

Baby Pierre stops beside her.

Don't go yet, says Baby Pierre. 

Give me a reason to stay, replies White Slits. 

Multiple reasons, says Baby Pierre. One, you can still learn dancing, because I can do dancing. Two, you might be related to Daniel O'Connell. and then you'll be famous. Three, you can't go back to your old life. Because.

'Because' isn't a reason, says White Slits. And who says I want to go back to my old life?

You're reversing your journey, says Baby Pierre. 

Unlike Hopeful, says White Slits.

Was Hopeful your partner? asks Baby Pierre. 

Yes, says White Slits. He followed his dream of hot chocolate. I should follow his lead.

No, you shouldn't, says Baby Pierre. He wasn't invited. And Maricruz .....

What?

Whacked him with a slipper.

Ai! Then what happened?

He exploded. But not much came out.

Out? Like what?

Innards.

Poor Hopeful. You're heartless.

I'm a free thinker, says Baby Pierre. Stay with me.

(This is risky).

White Slits weighs up her options.

Do you KNOW James Joyce? asks White Slits.

Yes, says Baby Pierre.

This is even more risky. He doesn't. But Kobo spoke of him once.

He was uxorious, says Baby Pierre. 

What does that mean? asks White Slits. 

It means he loved Nora Barnacle, says Baby Pierre. Maybe too much.

Maybe I loved Hopeful too much, says White Slits. Was Nora an actual barnacle?

I don't think so, says Baby Pierre.

Who do you love? asks White Slits.

No one, says Baby Pierre. That's because of free thinking.

I don't think it is, says White Slits. 

So are you with me? asks Baby Pierre. 

White Slits looks down the road. Still no bus coming. 

Okay, says White Slits.

Sometimes you follow your heart. Other times, whatever's convenient.

 

White Slits

Diego stops eating his bocadillo.

He's seen a hat walking by, with a spider.

Diego reaches out and whips the hat off Baby Pierre.

Why'd you do that? asks Baby Pierre.

Because you might be looking for me, says Diego.

Don't tell me you know Daniel O'Connell? asks Baby Pierre.

If that was his name, says Diego.

It was, says Baby Pierre. Did he have a hat on?

He did, says Diego. A hat in the style of Don Quixote.

That was him, says Baby Pierre.

I thought I was meeting James Joyce, says the Black Jumping Spider.

Then you didn't listen, says Baby Pierre.

False pretences, says the spider. I'm here to learn dancing.

From DANIEL O'CONNELL, says Baby Pierre.

She'll be lucky, says Diego.

(SHE! Isn't he observant, to have spotted the white triangular slits on the spider's prosoma!)

Why? asks Baby Pierre. Has something happened to Daniel O'Connell?

Yes, says Diego. He won't be teaching anyone dancing until he gets the hang of his new legs. He lost three, in an accident.

Disabled! This really sucks! says the spider.

Where is he? asks Baby Pierre. This is a serious setback. It's a crowd-funded expedition.

Do you have insurance? asks Diego.

I don't know, says Baby Pierre. Ying will know. Is she here?

I don't think so, says Diego. There was this Roman guy, Gaius, and this Chinese guy, Kong, and a little statue of baby Jesus that turned up out of nowhere....

That was Terence! says Baby Pierre.

The spider starts backing away.

If James Joyce isn't of the party, she's heading straight back to the bus stop.

WHERE ARE THEY? hollers Baby Pierre.

Gone on an outing with the Rector, says Diego. They'll be back later. You can wait here. Or in the biology lab, if you'd rather....

Baby Pierre thinks about it.

Should they wait here? What does White-Slits think?

Yi! She is running down the driveway towards the road and the bus stop!

Spider Dancing

Only when he has finished his prescient song does Baby Pierre notice what's happened.

The Black Jumping Spider is on the seat beside him.

Inside her plastic bubble.

Is she waving?

He waves back, which is hard for a pebble.

Of course, she interprets it wrongly.

....

At the next stop, someone sits down next to Baby Pierre.

That is, on the bubble.

The person stands up in a hurry, and moves on, down the bus.

But now the top has popped off the bubble.

And the spider is out.

......

Where are we going? asks the spider.

To the University, says Baby Pierre.

Ai! My worst fear, says the spider. No, my second worst.

What's your first worst? asks Baby Pierre.

(He doesn't care really. He's wondering what his own is).

Last night, says the female Black Jumping Spider. In the garden shed. My partner.

Did he beat you? asks Baby Pierre.

No, he went inside, for hot chocolate, says the spider. And he didn't come back..

It's just one of those things, says Baby Pierre. It happens to spiders. Take Daniel O'Connell.

Why? asks the Black Jumping Spider.

He didn't come back, says Baby Pierre. Three times already.

The rotter! says the Black Jumping Spider. Three times. How is it possible?

To be fair, says Baby Pierre, remembering his mission, he's a very good dancer. And you're going to meet him.

What type of dancing? asks the spider.

Spider dancing, like (who was it?) .....James Joyce.

Well, in that case..... says the spider.

The bus stops, near the University.

Baby Pierre hops off. The spider jumps down behind him.

Forgot your hat? says a passenger, throwing it out of a window.

Thank you, says Baby Pierre. What about the .....?

Too late. The bus pulls away. They are now travelling without the plastic bubble.

They head for the university campus.

In the grounds there are very few people. It's Saturday.

The Rector, as we know, is away.

As luck would have it, however, Diego is taking a break from his work in the Eng and Tech lab.

There he is, Diego, sitting under a tree.

In his hand, a yummy bocadillo.

In his head, well, we know he knows something..........

A Prescient Song

In Chamorga, they get out of the car.

Who's up for an eight kilometre walk? asks the Rector.

I am, says Gaius. And Kong is. What about you, Terence?

I am, says Terence. Where are we going?

To see ruins, and a light house, says the Rector. And the beautiful Roques de Anaga. Does everyone have stout shoes on?

Gaius is wearing green Crocs. Kong wears what look like white Converse Hi-tops, but might be a cheap copy. Terence has cement baby feet, with fine sculpted toes.

Have you ever walked anywhere? asks the Rector.

Everywhere, says Terence. But Daniel O'Connell needs his red box.

I can walk, says Daniel O'Connell.

You can start off walking, says Terence. And you can get in the box, when your new legs get tired.

They won't get tired, says Gaius. They're state of the art microlattice, the lightest metal in the world.

Where they join on, they might get tired, says Terence.

Daniel O'Connell is alarmed. He had not considered that where the new legs join on might be weak spots.

How do you know that? asks Daniel O'Connell.

Terence shows him his claw.

Sometimes it gets tired, says Terence. And it's not even mine. It's my blood brother's. He's got my finger.

Duly warned, the party heads off up the trail to the Faro.

.....

Baby Pierre has left Santa Cruz and is on his way to the University de La Laguna.

Under his hat is a spider.

How has Baby Pierre got this far?

Maricruz has put him on a bus.

First, she took a shower, then she ate breakfast. Then she went to the garden shed and captured a Black Jumping Spider. This one was a female, with white triangular slits in the prosoma.

Then she found a plastic bubble, and placed the spider inside.

Up to this point the female Black Jumping Spider was just going along with the karma, woo, whatever, but... a plastic bubble?

Too late now.

The bubble is tucked under a yellow felt Sancho Panza hat, and placed somewhere dark and rattly....

A vertiginous movement. And voices.

Goodbye Baby Pierre! Get off at the University de La Laguna!

Clunk. Brrm. The sound of a bus starting.

The hat is lifted. The plastic bubble drops to the seat next to Baby Pierre.

And remains there.

Baby Pierre doesn't notice. He is relaxing and humming what he hopes is a prescient song.

'In the future I will be
In the future I will be

At the University
At the University

And then you will be sorry'.

He means the others, in particular Daniel O'Connell, his crowd-funding partner.

But the female Black Jumping Spider thinks he means her.

And she's already sorry.

Synchronised Flow

They prefer laurels, says the Rector.

Ah, says Gaius. Who doesn't?

Ha ha, laughs the Rector. I was referring to chiffchaffs. Terence is watching a pine tree.

I saw one, says Terence.

Describe it, says the Rector.

How mean!

Like a parrot, says Terence.

But more chaffy, says Daniel O'Connell.

Terence looks grateful.

Come on, says the Rector. Everyone back in the car.

They drive on, towards Chamorga.

So tell me, says Kong, what is the difference between the two phase and three phase models, if you'll pardon my ignorance?

The two phase has two phases, says the Rector. And the three phase has three.

I guessed as much, says Kong. But what are they?

I shall give you the two phases of the two phase model, says the Rector. They are identical to the first and third phase of the three phase model. Perhaps you'd like to take a stab at the second?

Is this a game? asks Gaius. Perhaps Terence would like to join in?

What? says Terence.

Guess the second phase of the three phase traffic flow model, says the Rector.

Go! says Terence.

Not yet, says the Rector. I haven't given you the essential information.

Stop? says Terence.

Go ahead, Rector, says Kong.

I intend to, says the Rector.

It's not fair! says Terence.

Phase one is Free Flow, says the Rector. Phase two (or phase three in the three phase model) is Congested.

Kong is disappointed that it isn't more technical.

Gaius is, too.

The two phase model seems unnecessarily simple, says Gaius. I quite see why a second phase inserted between the first and second phase, thus requiring the second phase to be renamed as the third phase, is desirable. Something must slow down the traffic, leading to congestion. What is it?

You're barking up the wrong tree, says the Rector.

I spy with my little eye something beginning with S, says Terence.

Good guess, Terence, says the Rector. Or are you just lucky?

I was changing the game, says Terence. It's STUPID!

The answer is Synchronised Flow, says the Rector.

The answer is STUPID, says Terence. And you're all stupid because nobody guessed it.

I guessed it, says Daniel O'Connell. But I couldn't get a word in.

Stupid is an adjective, says Gaius. You could not have guessed it.

The Rector turns on the car radio. Plink-plonk-thrumm. How relaxing. A Spanish guitar.

Sharp peaks and deep ravines, pine forests, steep-walled gorges with outcroppings of igneous quartz and feldspar, flow by the car window.

In no time at all, as it seems, they pull up in Chamorga.

Deeper Connections

The road from San Cristobál de La Laguna to Chamorga follows a high ridge of mountains.

Tenerife is a volcanic island, observes the Rector.

No need to remind me, says Gaius.

Apologies, says the Rector. There can't be much you don't know about volcanoes.

Kong gazes through the car window at the rugged topography.

It reminds him of China.

I know about volcanoes, says Terence, but where are the parrots?

Keep your eyes peeled, says the Rector. You might see a Bolle's Pigeon, a Laurel Pigeon, a Tenerife Goldcrest, or a Canary Island Chiffchaff, if you're observant. Are you observant?

Terence doesn't answer.

What's up with you? asks Daniel O'Connell. Are you scared of heights?

No, says Terence. Just keeping my eyes peeled.

Daniel O'Connell suspects Terence has the wrong idea about keeping his eyes peeled. He is staring at the dashboard without blinking.

Do you take an interest in birds? asks Gaius.

Only as an amateur, says the Rector.

I believe your field is Mathematical Analysis, says Kong.

Indeed, says the Rector. It's my passion. If you don't mind me asking, what is yours, Kong?

Harmonious social order, says Kong.

Wonderful, says the Rector. A fine passion. It chimes in with just about everything.

Terence's eyes are getting watery.

Are you crying? asks Daniel O'Connell.

No! says Terence. Shut up. I nearly saw a CHIFFCHAFF!

Ah, says Gaius. The more I learn about nature the more I find there are deeper connections between sentient and non sentient beings than, as a younger man, I would ever have credited.

How true, says the Rector. Why only the other day I read that the two seemingly different models of traffic flow in cities actually have similar underlying mathematical structures.

You don't say, says Gaius.

Remarkable, says Kong. What are the two different models?

Terence is crying, says Daniel O'Connell.

I'M NOT CRYING! shouts Terence.

Two phase and three phase, explains the Rector. Just a moment. I'll stop here. There's a great view of both sides of the island.

Gaius and Kong admire the spectacular view of both sides of the island.

Terence stops staring at the dashboard, and stares up at a pine tree.

Daniel O'Connell suddenly remembers what he came to Tenerife for, and looks for a warm dry sunny spot which might be home to one or more of his relatives.