Who knew what would happen? Not Pliny. Pliny got nearly all his predictions wrong including the start time, which was 10 am, not 10.30. And then, there were no cockatoos at Strathalbyn! Not to mention that Pliny had a salad roll for lunch and so had no need to regret a pie.
The water levels were low at Goolwa. Pliny and Nostradamus took a drive out to Hindmarsh Island to look at the Murray Mouth which was all silted up. It was a sunny afternoon, and breezy. A string of yellow buoys floated in the brilliant blue-green water, marking the dredging channel. Nostradamus snapped many wonders with his camera; a tiny blue and cinnamon mottled egg in a nest of sand; a heap of dead crabs, brown, saffron and ginger; two black water birds with orange beaks that he hoped to identify later; delicate purple flowers; feathery grasses; rude red-tipped succulents; and a mystery thing that Pliny had picked up.
On the way back they stopped at Rankine's Bar. The boats in the marina were so far below the wooden jetties that no one could have got on or off them.
Nostradamus looked at his camera to review his pictures. They had all disappeared. His memory card was cactus.
Pliny thought he would remember them all anyway. But today all he can remember of the photo of the mystery thing is that his hands were in it.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Goolwa
Pliny is going to Goolwa for the weekend. It seems long ago that it was Pliny's birthday, and he and Nostradamus decided to put off going away for reasons that were good.
They will leave on Saturday morning at 10.30. They will drive through the Adelaide Hills to Strathalbyn. They will walk around Strathalbyn and see the cockatoos. They will drink coffee.
They will continue on to Goolwa.
They will book into the Goolwa Central Hotel, and make themselves a cup of tea. They will walk down Goolwa Main Street and look for a bakery at which to buy their lunch. They will buy respectively, a pie and a pasty. At least one of them, possibly both, will regret this.
After that, no one knows what will happen.
They will leave on Saturday morning at 10.30. They will drive through the Adelaide Hills to Strathalbyn. They will walk around Strathalbyn and see the cockatoos. They will drink coffee.
They will continue on to Goolwa.
They will book into the Goolwa Central Hotel, and make themselves a cup of tea. They will walk down Goolwa Main Street and look for a bakery at which to buy their lunch. They will buy respectively, a pie and a pasty. At least one of them, possibly both, will regret this.
After that, no one knows what will happen.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Suspicio
You can admire and mistrust something at the same time. For example Pliny admires and mistrusts bees.
Today he was walking to the shops with Nostradamus along a path that was strewn with crunchy jacaranda flowers, which had attracted some bees. The first bee Pliny met flew off immediately to the right and into the road. The second bee did the same thing. Pliny thought that was interesting. He expected the third bee to do the same. But the third bee didn't really want to leave the flowers. It flew around in a circle humming, just in front of Pliny's approaching legs. Only at the very last minute did the bee veer off into the road. The fourth bee did what the third bee had done. Pliny was wearing shorts. He hoped he wouldn't meet any more bees.
Today he was walking to the shops with Nostradamus along a path that was strewn with crunchy jacaranda flowers, which had attracted some bees. The first bee Pliny met flew off immediately to the right and into the road. The second bee did the same thing. Pliny thought that was interesting. He expected the third bee to do the same. But the third bee didn't really want to leave the flowers. It flew around in a circle humming, just in front of Pliny's approaching legs. Only at the very last minute did the bee veer off into the road. The fourth bee did what the third bee had done. Pliny was wearing shorts. He hoped he wouldn't meet any more bees.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Pax Plini
Sorry, Pliny. Let's be friends again. I have written you a poem:
Pax Plini!
De luna non discordia fiat
Graphis pisci mea est
Semper adhibeo
Tu meus alter ego es
Et te suspicio.
Pliny the Elder: Thankyou that is very accomplished, but let me translate it into English for the benefit of your non-Latin reading friends.
Peace Pliny!
Let us no longer argue over the moon
The fish-topped pencil is my own
I use it all the time
You are my alter ego
And I admire/mistrust you.
Let your readers judge which meaning of 'suspicio' you had in mind.
Pax Plini!
De luna non discordia fiat
Graphis pisci mea est
Semper adhibeo
Tu meus alter ego es
Et te suspicio.
Pliny the Elder: Thankyou that is very accomplished, but let me translate it into English for the benefit of your non-Latin reading friends.
Peace Pliny!
Let us no longer argue over the moon
The fish-topped pencil is my own
I use it all the time
You are my alter ego
And I admire/mistrust you.
Let your readers judge which meaning of 'suspicio' you had in mind.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Defence of pencil
Easy it is to mock, and rashly to conclude another man is foolish. My investigations are by no means complete. I did not know that there was such a thing as graph paper. I intend to acquire some. I did not begin keeping a record until 2 days after the full moon had occurred, and so my graph is incomplete. This too I intend to rectify next month. I did not expect any other person to look at my notes. I can see nothing unusual in the use of a fish-topped pencil.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Graph paper
Pliny the Elder, in an effort to discredit my Moon Gadget, has been keeping a record of the percentages of full since Thursday the 13th of November when the moon was 100% of full.
I can see his pathetic little list right now. It's all out of order because he started near the bottom of the page, listing downwards, 94% Sat am; 89% Sun am; 81% Mon am; then he's made a red tick inside a square, followed by the words 'woolly pod', and 'grain legume'.
Next he's written 'bitter vetch' and 'toasted barley- a drench'.
And that's when he's realised he's got to the bottom of the page. So he's written his next recording of the moon's fullness above 89% full, and continued listing upwards from there, in red pen.
66% Tues pm; 57% Wed pm; 50% Thur am; 39% Fri am; 36% Fri pm.
Now we have another interruption. It seems to be a code and password for looking at an Orange photo someone sent him. Then above that, the words ' equally amphibious with the beaver'.
Oh, you've got to love him.
Onwards and upwards. 26% Sat pm; 20% Sun am; 16% Sun pm; 13% Mon am.
And that's his record, so far.
This morning he obviously thought he would commence drawing up a graph. But has Pliny heard of graph paper? No. He drew up his graph with a fish-topped lead pencil and a ruler. But he only used the ruler to draw the straight lines and not to measure the spaces between the lines.
He's sure to be pretty cross right now because even with his dodgy grid you can see that by plotting % of full against the days of the week for the last 13 days he's got himself a STRAIGHT LINE!
I can see his pathetic little list right now. It's all out of order because he started near the bottom of the page, listing downwards, 94% Sat am; 89% Sun am; 81% Mon am; then he's made a red tick inside a square, followed by the words 'woolly pod', and 'grain legume'.
Next he's written 'bitter vetch' and 'toasted barley- a drench'.
And that's when he's realised he's got to the bottom of the page. So he's written his next recording of the moon's fullness above 89% full, and continued listing upwards from there, in red pen.
66% Tues pm; 57% Wed pm; 50% Thur am; 39% Fri am; 36% Fri pm.
Now we have another interruption. It seems to be a code and password for looking at an Orange photo someone sent him. Then above that, the words ' equally amphibious with the beaver'.
Oh, you've got to love him.
Onwards and upwards. 26% Sat pm; 20% Sun am; 16% Sun pm; 13% Mon am.
And that's his record, so far.
This morning he obviously thought he would commence drawing up a graph. But has Pliny heard of graph paper? No. He drew up his graph with a fish-topped lead pencil and a ruler. But he only used the ruler to draw the straight lines and not to measure the spaces between the lines.
He's sure to be pretty cross right now because even with his dodgy grid you can see that by plotting % of full against the days of the week for the last 13 days he's got himself a STRAIGHT LINE!
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Tour Eiffel en Construction 1888
Pliny had just changed into a clean pair of jeans. She was going out to a lecture on Snowball Earth, but not for 5 minutes. She thought she would relax. She launched herself backwards crosswise onto the bed, knees up and arms thrown back behind her head. At the same time her eye was arrested by the picture on the wall opposite. It was a framed photograph of the Eiffel Tower under construction in Paris in August 1888.
That, she thought, is an exact mirror of me.
Seconds later she couldn't quite reconcile her own uplifted knees and elbows with the singularity of the Eiffel Tower, which was half built and looked like knees or elbows but not both. Nevertheless she could not shake the feeling that it was the doubling effect that had provoked the metaphor, which had been instantaneous, and not constructed later at her leisure. It was, she decided, that both she and the Eiffel Tower appeared to be performing a backward somersault.
That, she thought, is an exact mirror of me.
Seconds later she couldn't quite reconcile her own uplifted knees and elbows with the singularity of the Eiffel Tower, which was half built and looked like knees or elbows but not both. Nevertheless she could not shake the feeling that it was the doubling effect that had provoked the metaphor, which had been instantaneous, and not constructed later at her leisure. It was, she decided, that both she and the Eiffel Tower appeared to be performing a backward somersault.
Friday, November 21, 2008
The salamander, the axolotl and the skink
What is a salamander? I asked myself. It occurred to me it might be something like an axolotl. I had no faith in this though, for most times I have thought something could be like an axolotl, it's turned out that it wasn't.
But an axolotl is a type of salamander, so I was right for once.
The fire salamander has golden stars all down its back.
I am reminded of the beautiful but lethargic skink that spent last Wednesday, and until Thursday afternoon, resting on the paving bricks outside our back door. She had orange markings down her back, looking something like a zipper. The markings were wider at the level of her back legs, and tapered to quite small at the end of her tail. Her eye glinted like the head of a pin.
She was seven bricks out from the back door, seven bricks in from the wall. That is, about a metre out from the corner where the door meets the wall. Her tail was slotted neatly into a groove between two bricks. Her head was at 5 minutes to the groove. During the course of her stay, her head moved to 10 minutes, then 13 minutes to the groove, but other than this she did not budge.
I became quite solicitous of her, stepping softly, asking her questions, waving my finger in front of her head. I told her I believed she might be dead.
On Thursday she disappeared. I'm still watching, but all I see are dead leaves, that look like her.
But an axolotl is a type of salamander, so I was right for once.
The fire salamander has golden stars all down its back.
I am reminded of the beautiful but lethargic skink that spent last Wednesday, and until Thursday afternoon, resting on the paving bricks outside our back door. She had orange markings down her back, looking something like a zipper. The markings were wider at the level of her back legs, and tapered to quite small at the end of her tail. Her eye glinted like the head of a pin.
She was seven bricks out from the back door, seven bricks in from the wall. That is, about a metre out from the corner where the door meets the wall. Her tail was slotted neatly into a groove between two bricks. Her head was at 5 minutes to the groove. During the course of her stay, her head moved to 10 minutes, then 13 minutes to the groove, but other than this she did not budge.
I became quite solicitous of her, stepping softly, asking her questions, waving my finger in front of her head. I told her I believed she might be dead.
On Thursday she disappeared. I'm still watching, but all I see are dead leaves, that look like her.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Testudo
Thankyou, I do indeed know the difference between tortoises and turtles. In the past I have been accused of ignorance in this matter, but that is explained by the fact that in Latin both creatures are given the name TESTUDO.
In fact, I have distinguished between 4 different types of tortoises, or turtles; those living on the land, those living in the sea, those who live in swamps and mud, and those who live in rivers. Furthermore I have listed the medicinal properties of them all. For example, the flesh of the land tortoise is useful for countering magic and poisons. The flesh of the sea tortoise mixed with that of frogs is an excellent remedy for injuries caused by the salamander.
I was amused to see that the volunteers scraping the tube worms from the tortoise shells were all ladies. It is to be hoped they were aware that the scrapings from the shells of the tortoise if taken in a drink are reputed to have an anti-aphrodisiac effect.
Wondrous to relate, but so we are led to believe by the testament of others.
In fact, I have distinguished between 4 different types of tortoises, or turtles; those living on the land, those living in the sea, those who live in swamps and mud, and those who live in rivers. Furthermore I have listed the medicinal properties of them all. For example, the flesh of the land tortoise is useful for countering magic and poisons. The flesh of the sea tortoise mixed with that of frogs is an excellent remedy for injuries caused by the salamander.
I was amused to see that the volunteers scraping the tube worms from the tortoise shells were all ladies. It is to be hoped they were aware that the scrapings from the shells of the tortoise if taken in a drink are reputed to have an anti-aphrodisiac effect.
Wondrous to relate, but so we are led to believe by the testament of others.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Twenty Tortoises.
Without the wallabies! Pliny! Without the wallabies your story takes on a different significance. Let us imagine. You are driving through the countryside. Someone says "Look! Pademelons!". You see nothing but a few wild melons and assume wrongly that these are pademelons.
But it is your informant who is responsible for the error.
However, let me not be picky about that . Today my subject is the Twenty Tortoises.
I see from the newspaper that this week twenty tortoises were returned to the Goolwa wetlands after months of rehabilitation, during which volunteers cleaned infestations of potentially fatal tube worms from their shells. The incrusted tortoises looked like iced cakes, or sponges. The cleaned up tortoises looked like.....TURTLES!
Even Pliny the Elder knows the difference between tortoises and turtles.
But it is your informant who is responsible for the error.
However, let me not be picky about that . Today my subject is the Twenty Tortoises.
I see from the newspaper that this week twenty tortoises were returned to the Goolwa wetlands after months of rehabilitation, during which volunteers cleaned infestations of potentially fatal tube worms from their shells. The incrusted tortoises looked like iced cakes, or sponges. The cleaned up tortoises looked like.....TURTLES!
Even Pliny the Elder knows the difference between tortoises and turtles.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Pademelon
Suppose, as you were driving through the countryside, someone were to point towards a passing paddock and say "Look! Pademelons!", and supposing further that in the paddock could be seen a scattering of what looked like small, round, wild, grey skinned melons as well as several small wallabies, would you not look at the melons?
And would you not wonder why the person with whom you were travelling had chosen to point out the melons when there were delightful small wallabies to be seen?
You would.
Unless you knew what a pademelon was.
Many years ago this exact thing happened to Pliny, albeit without the wallabies. He was reminded of it yesterday when 'pademelon' was the answer to one across in the Hard Crossword.
And would you not wonder why the person with whom you were travelling had chosen to point out the melons when there were delightful small wallabies to be seen?
You would.
Unless you knew what a pademelon was.
Many years ago this exact thing happened to Pliny, albeit without the wallabies. He was reminded of it yesterday when 'pademelon' was the answer to one across in the Hard Crossword.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Humours, Passions and Tempers
Pliny has just finished her library book entitled Passions and Tempers - A History of the Humours, and returned it to the library.
How sanguine she felt to be shot of it. With melancholy she had plodded through its 300 pages reading every sentence twice. Her choler rose as she thought what else she could be reading. She decided she must be possessed of a phlegmatic temperament to read so doggedly a book she did not like.
How sanguine she felt to be shot of it. With melancholy she had plodded through its 300 pages reading every sentence twice. Her choler rose as she thought what else she could be reading. She decided she must be possessed of a phlegmatic temperament to read so doggedly a book she did not like.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Coffee
Pliny: I don't feel like blogging today.
Pliny the Elder: Leave it to me. Just give me a topic.
Pliny ( leafing idly through the newspaper) : Coffee.
Pliny the Elder: I know nothing of coffee.
Pliny: Coffee is a bitter tasting brown bean.
Pliny the Elder: A vetch! But you wrote of vetches yesterday. I shall write upon a related topic, that of Coughing.
Pliny ( coughing ) : Oh.... alright.
Pliny the Elder: There are many efficacious remedies for coughing. The first is to hang a bunch of pennyroyal in the room. The second is to smoke the leaves of coltsfoot. A third involves making an ointment out of marshmallow. A fourth is to spit in the mouth of a little frog climbing up a tree and then let him escape....
Pliny: Pliny!
Pliny the Elder: What?
Pliny: Well done.
Pliny the Elder: Leave it to me. Just give me a topic.
Pliny ( leafing idly through the newspaper) : Coffee.
Pliny the Elder: I know nothing of coffee.
Pliny: Coffee is a bitter tasting brown bean.
Pliny the Elder: A vetch! But you wrote of vetches yesterday. I shall write upon a related topic, that of Coughing.
Pliny ( coughing ) : Oh.... alright.
Pliny the Elder: There are many efficacious remedies for coughing. The first is to hang a bunch of pennyroyal in the room. The second is to smoke the leaves of coltsfoot. A third involves making an ointment out of marshmallow. A fourth is to spit in the mouth of a little frog climbing up a tree and then let him escape....
Pliny: Pliny!
Pliny the Elder: What?
Pliny: Well done.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Vetches
Pliny, Nostradamus and Pliny's mum went to the Willunga Farmers' Market yesterday. There were carrots, leeks, tomatoes, purple potatoes, venison sausages, herbs, spices, oranges, apples, pears, chutneys, olive oils, cheeses, breads, pizzas, cakes and lavender ice cream. There were no vetches.
Pliny was not disappointed. She had Googled vetches the day before and knew that they were not the sort of thing that people generally like to eat. They are mainly grown as food for animals and are a sort of semi toxic bean. People only eat them when there is nothing else to eat. They look a bit like lentils and taste bitter. You must boil them several times to leach out the toxicity.
Nevertheless Pliny is on the lookout for wild vetches wherever she goes. Walking beside the Onkaparinga River yesterday afternoon she thought she saw some hanging on a wire fence to dry. They were black, stiff and prickly and blowing in the wind like dead seaweed .
Pliny was not disappointed. She had Googled vetches the day before and knew that they were not the sort of thing that people generally like to eat. They are mainly grown as food for animals and are a sort of semi toxic bean. People only eat them when there is nothing else to eat. They look a bit like lentils and taste bitter. You must boil them several times to leach out the toxicity.
Nevertheless Pliny is on the lookout for wild vetches wherever she goes. Walking beside the Onkaparinga River yesterday afternoon she thought she saw some hanging on a wire fence to dry. They were black, stiff and prickly and blowing in the wind like dead seaweed .
Friday, November 14, 2008
Moon Gadget 3
This is looking good for me, bad for Pliny the Elder. It is 5pm on Saturday afternoon and the moon is 94% of full. That means the percent of full is decreasing at an increasing rate. I shall say nothing for a few more days however.
Meanwhile I would like to make it clear that I know it is not standard practice in our country to use the term percent of full. My Moon Gadget must come from somewhere where it is.
Meanwhile I would like to make it clear that I know it is not standard practice in our country to use the term percent of full. My Moon Gadget must come from somewhere where it is.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Moon Gadget 2
Pliny the Elder is not impressed with my Moon Gadget. He wants to say something.
Pliny the Elder: In my Natural Histories can be found all that is known and needs to be known about the moon. I refer to the various phases, the tides, the relative size of oysters and other seafood at the time of the full moon, the cavortings of hares and the madness of men and women, not to mention the correct times for cutting the hair and nails, and for the planting of vetches. This Moon Gadget will tell you nothing of these. Furthermore any fool who knows anything about mathematics will tell you that the moon cannot be 100% of full one day and 99% of full the next.
Me: Ooh you ARE cross! But I admit I'm puzzled about that. If there are only 29.53 days approximately between full moons why is there only a 1% difference between yesterday and today? However I've only had my Moon Gadget for 5 days. I'm expecting all to become clear over the course of the month.
Pliny The Elder: Expect away.
Me: What are vetches?
Pliny the Elder: Google it.
Pliny the Elder: In my Natural Histories can be found all that is known and needs to be known about the moon. I refer to the various phases, the tides, the relative size of oysters and other seafood at the time of the full moon, the cavortings of hares and the madness of men and women, not to mention the correct times for cutting the hair and nails, and for the planting of vetches. This Moon Gadget will tell you nothing of these. Furthermore any fool who knows anything about mathematics will tell you that the moon cannot be 100% of full one day and 99% of full the next.
Me: Ooh you ARE cross! But I admit I'm puzzled about that. If there are only 29.53 days approximately between full moons why is there only a 1% difference between yesterday and today? However I've only had my Moon Gadget for 5 days. I'm expecting all to become clear over the course of the month.
Pliny The Elder: Expect away.
Me: What are vetches?
Pliny the Elder: Google it.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Moon Gadget
Last week Pliny changed his home page from Google to iGoogle. This was because he wanted to use the iGoogle Translator to translate something from English into Greek. But the Translator didn't want to know. Pliny was about to switch back to Google when he saw the Moon Gadget.
Now Pliny is hooked on iGoogle. He chose a beautiful theme by Akira Ishigawa to decorate his home page. The theme is red, black and cream flowers that subtly change throughout the day. So subtly do they change that it was 3 days before Pliny noticed that they weren't always the same.
That was because his attention was focused rapturously on his Moon Gadget. The Moon Gadget tells Pliny exactly what phase the moon is in. For example today the moon is 100% of full. Yesterday it was 99% of full.
All Pliny has to do to see if this is true is wait till night time and go outside and look.
Now Pliny is hooked on iGoogle. He chose a beautiful theme by Akira Ishigawa to decorate his home page. The theme is red, black and cream flowers that subtly change throughout the day. So subtly do they change that it was 3 days before Pliny noticed that they weren't always the same.
That was because his attention was focused rapturously on his Moon Gadget. The Moon Gadget tells Pliny exactly what phase the moon is in. For example today the moon is 100% of full. Yesterday it was 99% of full.
All Pliny has to do to see if this is true is wait till night time and go outside and look.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Chinese Chickens
Pliny's Chinese friend Li Feng ( not her real name ) ( well it is but Pliny has to call her ****y ) made a startling claim yesterday. It was, that Chinese chickens have harder bones that Australian chickens.
Do they really? asked Pliny.
Yes, replied Li Feng. I can't making CocaCola chicken because Australian chickens too soft.
Free range chickens too soft too. In China, the chicken bones are hard, and the skin very strong. It doesn't breaking, very nice. In here, the bones soft.
How do you making CocaCola Chicken? asked Pliny. ( Li Feng is teaching Pliny to speak English).
You pour one can CocaCola over the chicken, then, you cook in the oven a long time. My brother, in China, he make it, very nice.
Is it sweet ? asked Pliny.
No, said Li Feng. Not sweet.
Do they really? asked Pliny.
Yes, replied Li Feng. I can't making CocaCola chicken because Australian chickens too soft.
Free range chickens too soft too. In China, the chicken bones are hard, and the skin very strong. It doesn't breaking, very nice. In here, the bones soft.
How do you making CocaCola Chicken? asked Pliny. ( Li Feng is teaching Pliny to speak English).
You pour one can CocaCola over the chicken, then, you cook in the oven a long time. My brother, in China, he make it, very nice.
Is it sweet ? asked Pliny.
No, said Li Feng. Not sweet.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Skinny earwig creature
Pliny was dismayed this morning to see one of those skinny earwig creatures dragging a large ball of fluff behind it across the kitchen floor. The skinny earwig creature had obviously not intended to become entangled in this way, and looked pathetically weary. Pliny was sufficiently moved to pick up a piece of stiff paper and encourage the skinny earwig creature on to the paper. Then he slid open the glass back door, which he had previously unlocked. He lowered the skinny earwig creature on to the paving bricks outside and watched as the skinny earwig creature dragged itself pathetically and wearily to where the pavers meet the wall. Then he went inside.
Several moments later the hypocrite Pliny looked out through the glass door, telling himself that if the skinny earwig creature was still out there on the paving bricks dragging itself along pathetically etcetera, he would do what he knew he should have done before, and try to detach the ball of fluff from the back legs of the skinny earwig creature so that it could continue to live its life unencumbered. After all, the fluff had no doubt resulted from Pliny's sewing efforts on the previous day.
But of course, the skinny earwig creature was gone.
Several moments later the hypocrite Pliny looked out through the glass door, telling himself that if the skinny earwig creature was still out there on the paving bricks dragging itself along pathetically etcetera, he would do what he knew he should have done before, and try to detach the ball of fluff from the back legs of the skinny earwig creature so that it could continue to live its life unencumbered. After all, the fluff had no doubt resulted from Pliny's sewing efforts on the previous day.
But of course, the skinny earwig creature was gone.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Memory stick
Pliny the Elder heard a conversation between Nostradamus and Pliny yesterday.
Nostradamus: Where is your memory stick?
Pliny (going away and coming back): Here.
Pliny the Elder looked over Pliny' shoulder at the memory stick. It was silver at one end and blue at the other, and it was not pointy. He wondered how it worked.
Nostradamus: Where is your memory stick?
Pliny (going away and coming back): Here.
Pliny the Elder looked over Pliny' shoulder at the memory stick. It was silver at one end and blue at the other, and it was not pointy. He wondered how it worked.
Decrepitude
Can a living organism reach a certain degree of decrepitude and remain like that indefinitely?
Pliny thinks the answer is yes.
He has a vase of what used to be orange lilies on his windowsill. The orange petals dropped off one by one some weeks ago. The brown dustings from the anthers fell too. The stamens withered and turned to brittle threads. The leaves stiffened. The stigma remained fresh and green as waxy new marrows.
This sort of thing has happened on Pliny's watch before.
Pliny thinks the answer is yes.
He has a vase of what used to be orange lilies on his windowsill. The orange petals dropped off one by one some weeks ago. The brown dustings from the anthers fell too. The stamens withered and turned to brittle threads. The leaves stiffened. The stigma remained fresh and green as waxy new marrows.
This sort of thing has happened on Pliny's watch before.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Blood
Last night we met a man who nose a lot about vegetables. O pardon the pun but as he was speaking to us his nose began to spurt blood. We pretended not to notice. His wife took up the conversation seamlessly.
Soon he composed himself and continued with his pet subject which was tomatoes.
Remember those wrinkly ones that used to taste so good ? he asked.
Mmmm, I said, but really I did not.
Soon he composed himself and continued with his pet subject which was tomatoes.
Remember those wrinkly ones that used to taste so good ? he asked.
Mmmm, I said, but really I did not.
Friday, November 7, 2008
Syrinx
Pliny is at an art exhibition launch. After the speeches a young man plays the flute. The young man's hair swirls up and away from his head in a lyrical wave. Two tiny old ladies are standing in front of Pliny transfixed. The young man plays Syrinx, by Debussy. It is totally seductive. Pliny would clap as loudly as anyone, but he has a glass of white wine in one hand and a thick slice of cucumber wrapped in a white napkin in the other.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Millipede karma
When Pliny came home from shopping this afternoon she noticed above the front door a deceased millipede. It had obviously been there for quite some time. The millipede must have been trying to enter ( or leave, you couldn't tell ) the house when someone had shut the door, squashing one half of its body and trapping the rest. Half the body was flattened against the door frame, and the other half was mummified into a rising arch of pain.
This may have been why, when she was putting away some of Nostradamus's socks, and saw a live millipede crawling across the carpet, she picked it up and, juggling it all the way to the front door, tossed it caringly into the garden.
This may have been why, when she was putting away some of Nostradamus's socks, and saw a live millipede crawling across the carpet, she picked it up and, juggling it all the way to the front door, tossed it caringly into the garden.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Bird prints
Pliny was looking at a blog he follows called Northumberland360.
He was entranced by some photos of bird footprints that were put up today.
He looked at the bird footprints for a very long time.
He was thinking about bird footprints and how they might be interpreted in various ways.
For example one might try to imagine what sort of bird had made them, a curlew or an oyster catcher, and where it had been going or where it had been.
Or whether the prints had been made by more than one curlew or oyster catcher, whose paths had crossed.
OR, seeing that there wasn't really a lot to go on, three fifths of a starfish or a lemon blossom, and a stick.......
Perhaps, he thought, I have been looking at these footprints for too long.
He was entranced by some photos of bird footprints that were put up today.
He looked at the bird footprints for a very long time.
He was thinking about bird footprints and how they might be interpreted in various ways.
For example one might try to imagine what sort of bird had made them, a curlew or an oyster catcher, and where it had been going or where it had been.
Or whether the prints had been made by more than one curlew or oyster catcher, whose paths had crossed.
OR, seeing that there wasn't really a lot to go on, three fifths of a starfish or a lemon blossom, and a stick.......
Perhaps, he thought, I have been looking at these footprints for too long.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Natura atrox
We Plinies all liked the stunning photo in the paper this morning, of a sulphur-crested cockatoo being eaten alive by a python in a North Queensland tree.
Pliny the Elder was inspired to write a poem. He wrote it in Latin, so I will give you a literal translation.
Natura atrox sed pulchra est
Plumae avis periendae
Ex oro pythonis prominent
Fax vivenda et morienda
Pictori ingenium illuminans.
Nature is cruel but beautiful
The feathers of the disappearing bird
From the mouth of the python stick out
A living dying torch
Lighting the spirit of the artist.
Who knew Pliny was a poet??
Pliny the Elder was inspired to write a poem. He wrote it in Latin, so I will give you a literal translation.
Natura atrox sed pulchra est
Plumae avis periendae
Ex oro pythonis prominent
Fax vivenda et morienda
Pictori ingenium illuminans.
Nature is cruel but beautiful
The feathers of the disappearing bird
From the mouth of the python stick out
A living dying torch
Lighting the spirit of the artist.
Who knew Pliny was a poet??
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Heat flows
It was hot when Pliny and Nostradamus arrived at Townsend Park. Hot hot. Pliny's legs were pink. She had to have a cool drink.
Nostradamus generated more heat as he dutifully filed the ends of 2 bolts that were sticking out and ruining Pliny's mum's new mattress, a legacy of the time that Niloc ( not his real name) did a dodgy job of setting up the bedhead 20 years ago. Then he had to have a cool drink.
By the time the 3 of them were ready to go for a walk along the esplanade a cold change had blown in. When they got back they had to have a hot drink.
At dinner time they had a heated exchange about Barack Obama's aunt, while having a cold drink. After dinner they had a hot drink.
Nostradamus generated more heat as he dutifully filed the ends of 2 bolts that were sticking out and ruining Pliny's mum's new mattress, a legacy of the time that Niloc ( not his real name) did a dodgy job of setting up the bedhead 20 years ago. Then he had to have a cool drink.
By the time the 3 of them were ready to go for a walk along the esplanade a cold change had blown in. When they got back they had to have a hot drink.
At dinner time they had a heated exchange about Barack Obama's aunt, while having a cold drink. After dinner they had a hot drink.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Flamingo
Pliny would like to state that his last blog was written on Saturday afternoon, not Friday just before midnight.
And now he turns to the subject of today, ( Sunday) which is the Flamingo.
All Adelaideans have been outraged recently at the cruel bashing by teenage boys of an 80 year old Flamingo at the Adelaide Zoo. Fortunately one does not become an 80 year old Flamingo without being very tough indeed, and our one-eyed Flamingo is now back in its pen with its long time Flamingo friend, and all is well at the Zoo.
Pliny the Elder is hooting at this story. What were they doing keeping a Flamingo that long? he asks. Don't they know that Flamingo makes a very nice stew when cooked with dates and coriander?
And now he turns to the subject of today, ( Sunday) which is the Flamingo.
All Adelaideans have been outraged recently at the cruel bashing by teenage boys of an 80 year old Flamingo at the Adelaide Zoo. Fortunately one does not become an 80 year old Flamingo without being very tough indeed, and our one-eyed Flamingo is now back in its pen with its long time Flamingo friend, and all is well at the Zoo.
Pliny the Elder is hooting at this story. What were they doing keeping a Flamingo that long? he asks. Don't they know that Flamingo makes a very nice stew when cooked with dates and coriander?
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