Tour de France: Washup - Bizarre Creatures

It is yesterday, and still the final day of the grand Tour de France.

André Greipel has won the stage, and looks happy.

 He brushes past the spectators, looking for someone to hug.

Team Sky rolls over the finish line, linked together like a grinning black caterpillar with a bright yellow Froome in the middle.

Look at them, says Sweezus. Lucky fucks.

Never mind them, says Belle. We need to find out what happened.

The clown is preparing to leave.

Gaius crosses the finish line, and comes over to see them. He stops on the clown's toe.

The clown grimaces.

Sorry, says Gaius. I have ridden a long way, and have spots before my eyes.

Bravo, says the clown. Let me take your bicycle. Sit down on this ball.

Gaius looks for the ball.

The clown is miming the shape of a ball.

A second clown comes over.

Why don't you sit down on his ball, says the second one.

I can't, says Gaius.

All the same, what a nice jester, says the second one.

Ha ha, laughs Sweezus. Nice jester! That's a good one.

Were you on the Buffon tour? asks Belle.

Yes, says the second clown. The whole time, we were in stitches!

The first clown laughs at the memory of being in stitches.

And this? asks Belle, pointing to the red spots on the back of Terence's shorts.

Ask ME, says Terence. They stuck PINS in me.

Did you? asks Belle.

Yes, and instantly regretted it, says the first clown. We did not know the child was so hard. Do you know what it feels like to have the fat end of a pin pierce your finger? The fat end?

Woah! says Sweezus. Fully painful.

Nonsense, says Gaius. The fat end is not sharp.

The first clown presents several fingers, pocked with fat-end-of-pin lesions.

Gaius is forced to apologise.

Apology accepted, says the first clown. Well, I must be going.

Do you live here in Paris? asks Gaius.

I do, but I'm off to Romania, says the first clown. There's a poisonous cave in Constanta I wish to explore. It has been sealed for over five million years, and some bizarre creatures have evolved there, although there is no source of food.

Really? says Gaius. Bizarre creatures are also my interest.

Gaius is a natural historian, says Belle. He's famous.

Gaius Plinius Secundus, at your service, says Gaius. And you are?

Marcel Proust, says the clown. These days I am a microbiologist, but in previous times I used to spend a great deal of time tucked up in bed, surrounded by notebooks, dredging up past memories, until I came to realise that there would be, should I not do something worth remembering, precious little worthwhile to remember.

So you took up clowning and microbiology, says Gaius. Very commendable. This cave interests me.
Let us talk further.

All right says Marcel. I know a nice little café where we can have tea and madeleines, the very same madeleines, that in times past my aunt.........

They go off together.

You hear that? says Sweezus.

Proust, says Belle. What a turn up.

What's a turnip? says Terence.

A root vegetable, says the second clown.

(Which is true, and not even funny).