Near the Hole

ageless!! surely you aren't so thick as to believe god is a lobster! or pardon mmme a Creative Lobsterian Force!! ha ha, i amm laughing so much i amm falling off mmmy window sill.

ooh i have fallen off i will have to call pierre mmy bosommmmm friend

pierre! pierre! help mme i have fallen off the window sill!

ohh ageless she is not commming it is sunday

never mmind now i can explore the lower regions, mmm, there is a mmmetallic echo and i think i ammm very near the hole. o! i ammm afraid.

yes it is sunday pierre will be at church it is not far away. in fact she does not go anywhere she just commmmunes with the big stone at the end of the window sill but you have fat chance of getting her attention when she's doing it.

she worships a stone you are right but it is no ordinary stone, it is a stone made up of stones and all stones are manifest in its aspect at least so says pierre.

as for mme i don't believe in god, i have been around too long, eons and eons both as a living clammmmm and as a fossil, and believe mme, i have seen no sign of anything supernatural in all that timmmme, i wish i had it mmight be useful it mmight save mmme fromm this hole as it seemmms pierre isn't going to do it any timmme soon.

oh guess what ageless. hummboldt's gift turns out to be an idea for a film script, which hummboldt left his good friend charlie in his will. and it isn't any good. can you believe it ageless but the story is not over yet, perhaps.

sorry for laughing at you ageless and see where it has got mme, now mmaybe you are laughing.

tell mmme another story ageless to lift the boredommmm fromm the mmind of your friend

kobo

Tantalus on a Tricycle

I like it, said The VeloDrone. "It's nice not being a god". Obviously a man after my own heart.

Papa! said Belle et Bonne, how do you know what it's like being a god?

Of course, my dear, I don't know. But who has not, in his idler moments, considered what it it might be like to be a god?

Me, papa. I'm sure I never have.

Well, well, said The VeloDrone fondly, we are all different I suppose. Now, who is this Professor Healy and why has he written his article on a subject which he claims to know nothing about? He's written a little note here with words to that effect.

I don't know papa, I'm sure.

Very odd, said The VeloDrone. But we'll publish it, I think it's quite amusing. What have you there, my dear?

It's something that's just arrived, papa, from Professor Healey.

Ah! The same chap! What is this about? Let me see! He's very disappointed ....what?

He's very disappointed that he's had to write his article on Classics, when it's not his field. But that he's trying, and he thinks he's coming up with something interesting.

What's the matter with him? cried The VeloDrone. He can write whatever he likes as long as there's a bicycle.

Yes, papa, and look, he's given us the title.

Where, where? What's this? "Tantalus on a Tricycle"! I see a theme developing!

But that's impossible! cried Belle et Bonne.

Impossible, my dear? Oh yes, I see what you mean. A tricycle is not exactly a bicycle. But I think just this once we can let it go through.

How To Live

How to live. The main subject of philosophy. Knowing how to live is making right choices.
So how did I choose to live today?

It was very hot. I had decided to catch the bus into town. I walked out of the front door. I walked past the bus stop. I didn't want to catch a bus and use my seniors card. After twenty minutes of hotness I chose to stop being a fool.

I met my mum. We had lunch. She wanted a salad, but I wanted sushi. I went to the sushi bar and stood in the queue. Suddenly the queue melted away and I had to choose quickly. I chose the Mixed Pack, without knowing what it contained.

The concert was the last of the series for the year. It was a competition between 2 clarinets, a french horn and a soprano. We thought the soprano would win. It didn't matter what we thought; we weren't the judges. The first of the 2 clarinets won. She had played Stockhausen.

After the competition it was time for refreshments in the foyer. There were 10 plastic cups with 2 cm of champagne in them, and one that was over half full. I chose that one. There were chicken nuggets, sandwiches and vegetarian fritata on offer as well. I took one nugget, and one fritata.

Then, I chose to have an orange juice, for my second drink.

Now it was shopping time. We went to the Oxfam shop and looked at knicknacks, with an eye to Xmas. I thought of buying, but chose not to buy: a paper bowl, a beaded brooch, a wooden cockerel, a jewelled box and a ceramic frog. I chose to buy a painted leather ring. But not before trying on at least ten different ones and dropping one on the floor.

Next I go to the central market. Now I am with someone else. He has seen some cheap and tasty mulloway. He knows it is tasty because he was offered a sample. We decide to buy a large fillet of mulloway. We choose the fillet we will ask for, then someone whips the tray away, to fill it up. We buy a fillet anyway, but we have no idea which one we've got.

Right. So now I'm going to examine my list of actions.

Okay, I'm thinking.... hmmmm ..... oh dear.... but no, not too bad...... it's not very easy, this.

Voice of God: Give yourself a score out of ten!!

Me: Oh what a good idea, thank you God.

Voice of God: Well then?

Me: What?

God; What's your score?

Me: Eight out of ten.

God: I knew it. But I would be more inclined to give you six.

Me: Lucky you're not in charge!