Necessary to Invent

The VeloDrone parted the tent flaps dramatically, entered, sat down on a camp stool and demanded a cup of tea.

A cup of tea, David, please! Oh what a night!

I take it you've been to see the Red Bastard, said Le Bon David, getting up to put on the kettle.

Yes, said The VeloDrone. What an extremely rude little red goblin he is. I presume you knew?

Yes, Vello, I read some reviews. Did he insult you?

He insulted everyone! He had us dancing to his tune, changing seats and striking foolish poses at his say-so. And then he started asking personal questions. What is your dream? Why haven't you achieved your dream? Why do you do what you're told?

What's wrong with that, Vello? These are the sorts of questions we philosophers ask ourselves almost every day.

I know. I know. That's why I'm cross. He didn't ask me my dream.

Your dream? What was your dream?

You know very well, David, that I have always wanted to be an archaeologist.

Oh yes, that dream. What difference would it have made whether he asked you or not?

If he had asked me, I would have answered that I had always wanted to be an archaeologist, and then he would have asked me why I wasn't an archaeologist and that's where it would have got interesting.

Why?

Because I would have said that had I become an archaeologist, my dream would undoubtedly be to become a philosopher, which is what, in fact, I am.

Well, done Vello! That would have set him thinking. And everyone else there as well. Never mind. Here's your cup of tea. Will you be writing a review?

Yes, David. I think I shall begin: If the Red Bastard did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.