How Terence Got His Toes Back

Terence has rowed all the way back to the Oyster Cove Marina.

Then he has tied the dinghy to the Esperance, with a rope.

Then he has climbed up a stupid ladder.

Well done, Terence! says Jinjing. You did it!

Yes, good job, says Captain Bruni.

Now what? asks Terence.

Rest, says Captain Bruni. You deserve to. Help yourself to anything. I'm heading off to the toilet.

This is good news. Or is it?

May I speak with you first? asks Jinjing.

Make it snappy, says Captain Bruni.

Remember the painkillers I gave you? says Jinjing.

Yes, they worked well, says Captain Bruni.

Would you mind...... begins Jinjing. but here he falters, not knowing how to put it.

We want them back, says Terence.

Well put, says Jinjing. We want them back, Captain Bruni.

Surely by now, says Captain Bruni, they will have dissolved in my stomach.

That's the thing, says Jinjing. They probably haven't.

I see, says Captain Bruni.

He considers the import of what Jinjing has told him.

Well, thanks for the heads up.

He makes for the ship's toilet which is little more than a bucket, behind a red curtain.

We'll leave him to it.

He said help ourselves, says Terence. What is there?

Jinjing searches the galley.

A mouldy loaf and half a bottle of rum, says Jinjing. And this. But it has a ribbon round it.

A Christmas present, says Terence.

Should I open it? asks Jinjing.

Yes, says Terence. Christmas is my birthday.

Jinjing wonders if it follows that because Christmas is Terence's birthday he should open a present meant for Captain Bruni, even though Captain Bruni has said help yourselves to anything.

While he is wondering, Terence rips off the paper.

Yippee! It's a packet of trail mix. Almonds and dried cranberries, and white chocolate buttons.

Open it, says Terence.

It's not right, says Jinjing.

A rich smell wafts through the cabin, from behind the curtain.

Captain Bruni emerges, seconds later, with the bucket.

Normally, says Captain Bruni, this would go over the side, but if you need to recover the painkillers, I do believe I have...err...passed them.

He hands the bucket to Terence.

 NO WAY! says Terence.

I'll do it, says Jinjing. Is it okay if Terence opens the trail mix?

What trail mix? asks Captain Bruni.

This trail mix, says Terence. I only like cranberries.

All right, says Captain Bruni. I could do with a little something.

He looks for a bowl while Terence stamps on the packet.

Bang!

Jinjing is startled and inadvertently knocks over the bucket.

Inside Captain Bruni

The ferry docks in Kettering.

The dinghy bobs up and down.

Jinjing eyes Captain Bruni.

Carry on, mutters Captain Bruni.

What does that mean? asks Terence.

It means I'm still in charge, says Jinjing. Now the first thing to do is untie the dinghy.

But you can't, says Terence.

No, but you can, says Jinjing.

I can't, says Terence. I've got two toes missing.

You have two hands, says Jinjing.

And one broken finger, says Terence. See this? Gaius fixed it, but he used a sunflower seed and it sprouted, but then it died. Now it's useless.

What about all your other fingers? asks Jinjing.

Terence is considering his other fingers when a voice booms down from above.

All right down there?

It's the ferry boat captain.

No, says Jinjing. We're in a spot of bother. Captain Bruni has hurt his back. We need help untying the dinghy.

What about that robust young fellow? asks the Captain.

I've asked him, says Jinjing, but he has three broken digits.

A likely story! says the ferry boat captain.

You might like it, says Terence. But two of them are inside Captain Bruni.

The ferry boat captain can't believe this. But he has to do something.

The ferry is due to leave for Bruny Island quite soon.

He climbs down a convenient ladder and unties the dinghy.

Then he climbs back up the convenient ladder.

Now clear off, says the ferry boat captain.

Aye, aye, captain, says Jinjing. How long have we got?

Five minutes, says the ferry boat captain, turning away.

Jinjing prods Captain Bruni.

Feeling better yet? asks Jinjing.

Possibly, says Captain Bruni. Let me try to sit up.

Eugh! Ach!

He sits up successfully.

Yay! says Terence. Let's go! Start rowing.

Captain Bruni looks severely at Terence.

You'll do the rowing, says Captain Bruni.

Winking Won't Make Me

Captain Bruni is still groaning.

Ooh! Ugh! Foo! Fah!

Jinjing picks up the two little grey balls.

Swallow these, Captain Bruni.

Captain Bruni is prepared to try anything.

He accepts the grey balls.

Wait! says Terence. Let me see them!

But Captain Bruni has already swallowed the little grey balls.

He flexes gingerly.

Feeling any better? asks Jinjing.

No, says Terence.

Not you, the Captain, says Jinjing.

A little, says Captain Bruni. Are we there yet?

Not yet, says Jinjing. Another ten minutes.

Good, says Captain Bruni. Carry on. I'll just lie here.

Now can we look for my toes? asks Terence.

Show me your foot, says Jinjing.

Terence thrusts his foot forward.

I thought so, says Jinjing. I know where your toes are.

Yay! says Terence. Where?

Trust me, says Jinjing. You don't want to know yet.

I DO know! cries Terence. I KNEW you gave them to Captain Bruni to swallow!

What's this? asks Captain Bruni, from the floor of the dinghy.

Nothing, says Jinjing.

I feel rather heavy inside, says Captain Bruni.

Jinjing winks at Terence.

What are you doing that for? asks Terence.

Jinjing lowers his head and whispers to Terence.

Placebo.

I'm not! says Terence. And winking won't make me. I'm telling!

You'll ruin it, says Jinjing.

Terence doesn't care. Captain  Bruni has swallowed his toes. Now he'll have to wait till Captain Bruni goes to the toilet. How long will that be?

You've swallowed my toes! says Terence. I'm following you till I get them back.

A loud reply issues from the stomach of Captain Bruni, indicating some sort of movement.

You're wrong about one thing, says Captain Bruni. And right about the other,

That's impossible, says Jinjing. One was a right or wrong statement, but the other was clearly conditional.

Jinjing is clever, says Terence. Nearly as clever as me. He even knows diphthongs.

Ooooh! moans Captain Bruni.

It's not clear why.

Rolling Toes

Arthur has ridden off, on his bicycle.

Captain Bruni is in charge of the crossing in the dinghy, towed by the ferry.

The ferry has not left yet.

He wonders if he should have further words with the ferry captain.

He imagines the scenario.

Himself (Captain Bruni): By the way, Captain, there will be another passenger in the dinghy.

Ferry Captain: May I have a word with him?

Himself: That is not necessary. He is an infant.

Ferry Captain: An infant? It would be safer for him to travel on board the ferry.

Himself: Yes, I know that. But I wish to teach him a lesson.

Ferry Captain: It's no longer the olden days, Captain Bruni. I won't allow it.


At this point, Captain Bruni ceases imagining the scenario.

No, he will not tell the ferry captain.

Jump in, Terence, says Captain Bruni. Sit at the front.

Terence clambers into the dinghy, which slides sideways in the shallows and wedges itself in the sand.

Too much weight! cries Captain Bruni.  Fly upwards, Jinjing.

Jinjing flies upwards. The dinghy floats free.

The ferry engines roar. The ferry chugs away from Bruny Island, towing the dinghy, with Terence and Captain Bruni on board.

Thump-thump, the dinghy rolls up and down in the wash.

Terence, in the bow, rises and falls alarmingly.

At one point the dinghy is vertical.

Terence tumbles off his seat and lands on the tender part of Captain Bruni, where his carapace joins to his tail.

Ouch! says Captain Bruni. My old back injury!

The dinghy rights itself. Terence tries to return to his seat.

But two of his toes are broken  and it's not easy.

Wah! cries Terence. I've lost two toes. Where are they?

I can't move at the moment, groans Captain Bruni.

Jinjing, who was flying above the dinghy, to keep the weight down, now lands on the tiller.

Lucky I'm here, says Jinjing.

You must take over, says Captain Bruni.

What do I do? asks Jinjing.

Whatever you think best, says Captain Bruni. Oooher-fooh-uch!

Right, says Jinjing. A redistribution. Terence, you sit in the middle.

I am in the middle, says Terence.

That's good, says Jinjing. Stay right where you are.

What about me? asks Captain Bruni.

To the middle, says Jinjing.

It seems to Jinjing that the safest place in a dinghy must be the middle.

Perhaps he is right, perhaps he isn't, but he is in charge, so Captain Bruni rolls his way to the middle.

Now Captain Bruni and Terence are both in the middle. The dinghy is surprisingly stable.

Do you have any signal flags? asks Jinjing.

Not in the dinghy, says Captain Bruni. Ouff-ughh!

Medical kit? asks Jinjing.

No, why? asks Captain Bruni.

Painkillers, says Jinjing. Wait! What are these?

As if they would be painkillers, rolling randomly on the floor of the dinghy.

There are two of them. Little round grey balls.

Terence's toes, more than likely.

Not What I Expected

Of the three things that could have happened to Terence, only one has.

He is inside the kiosk where Arthur has found him.

Thought you were missing, says Arthur. Jinjing's gone looking.

So HE'S missing, says Terence. Does he know how to row?

Probably knows how to, says Arthur. But he couldn't actually do it.

This should be obvious, even to Terence.

But Terence says nothing.

The man behind the counter has seen him.

You again, says the man. I thought I told you not to come back.

I couldn't help it, says Terence.

He's with me, says Arthur. Just give me a coffee and we'll get going.

Coffee-making noises. Bbrzzzzjhsh...pshhhh.

Arthur is given a takeaway coffee with a lid on.

Terence is already outside.

Arthur joins him.

So why did you ask me? asks Arthur.

I didn't ask you, says Terence. I knew you wouldn't buy me anything.

I mean why did you ask me if Jinjing could row?

Because you came and now I don't have to, says Terence. But Captain Bruni might make Jinjing row.

Arthur takes the lid off his coffee. Froth has stuck to the lid, wrecking the swirly froth pattern.

Arthur wipes the froth off the lid with his finger and licks it.

It's not enjoyable. Anyway, what were you saying?

Captain Bruni turned MEAN! says Terence. He tried to force me to row the dinghy back to the mainland, but he forgot his oars, so he came up here to get them but he went round the back.

He's got the oars now, says Arthur. And he can't make Jinjing row. He'll have to row himself back, or get a tow behind the ferry.

Yippee! says Terence. Let's go down there.

No, says Arthur. We're going back to meet Gaius. 

But I want to get towed in the dinghy, says Terence. I don't want to go back to Gaius on your stupid bike.

Arthur is easily persuaded.

Terence is heavy. 

They head down to the shore, where Captain Bruni is preparing to tie his dinghy to the back of the ferry.

Jinjing is perched on the side of the dinghy.

I no longer need Terence, says Captain Bruni. Alternative plan.

But he wants to go with you, says Arthur. How about it?

I'm no babysitter, says Captain Bruni.

I'll go too, says Jinjing.

That's good, says Arthur. I'll be off then.

He heads for his bike.

This is not what I expected, says Captain Bruni. 

Cliffhanger!

Captain Bruni heads up to the kiosk, goes round to the back and opens a locker.

He takes out his oars.

Now to get back to the dinghy, before Terence does something foolish.

He drags the oars down the slope.

The next ferry is approaching. Merde! The dinghy could float out to sea in the wash!

And he has failed to give Terence instructions!

Captain Bruni drops the oars and scurries down to the dinghy.

The dinghy is there, lightly lifting and falling, but not floating.

Terence is not.

What to do? Captain Bruni has left his oars half way up the slope.

First things first, thinks Captain Bruni. Drag the dinghy up onto the sand. Retrieve the oars, and place them in it. Then look for Terence.

He does the first thing first. Then the second thing.

He is now mightily regretting his plan to force Terence to row him back to Kettering.

True, he had been insulted, but not by Terence.

Perhaps he should wait for Arthur, hand Terence over, and then ask the ferry boat captain for a tow.

Yes, thinks Captain Bruni. That's what I should have done. I'll do it!

He makes his way back to the kiosk.

Sits outside on a hummock, waiting for Arthur.

Fifteen minutes later, Arthur turns up, with Jinjing.

Where's Terence? asks Arthur.

Somewhere nearby, says Captain Bruni.

I've got to get back, says Arthur. Where exactly?

Not sure, says Captain Bruni. Last seen close to my dinghy. Perhaps your drone robot parrot might locate him.

I will! cries Jinjing.

Good, says Arthur. I'll get myself a snack and a coffee.

He enters the kiosk.

Jinjing flies down to the shore.

Terence was right This is exciting!

Perhaps he will be in the kiosk, looking at the Spew Balls, having sneaked up there while Captain Bruni was fiddling about in the locker.

In that case Arthur will find him.

Perhaps he will be back at the dinghy, having run up the beach, intending never to return and then changing his mind and returning.

In that case Jinjing will find him.

Perhaps he has waded into the water to single-handedly push the dinghy back onto the sand and been knocked unconscious and drowned in the coastal waters of Bruny Island.

In that case no one will find him (at least not for some time, seeing that he is made of cement and quite heavy).

Let's all think about that for a while.

The Pointy End

There is a reason Gaius doesn't want to leave the Jetty Café.

Amanda is explaining the Difficult Birds Project.

Gaius is taking some notes.

He has borrowed the pencil that Amanda lent to Jinjing, whose poem has now been recorded.

We provide insecticides for the forty spotted pardalotes to protect their babies from blood sucking predators, says Amanda.

How is it done? asks Gaius, scribbling madly.

Self help stations, says Amanda. We leave insecticide-soaked cotton wool balls for them to take away and line their nests with.

Most ingenious, says Gaius.

Also, says Amanda, on the mainland we provide nest boxes for Swift Parrots. But there's no need for that here on Bruny. That's because there are no sugar gliders here.

Their main predator, I take it, says Gaius.

Yes, says Amanda. We also run a foster program for the orange bellied parrot.....

Gaius wants to learn more, but this is the moment when he receives the phone call from Rachel.

Drat! Arthur, will you go?

Sure, says Arthur. Where to?

Jetty landing, says Gaius. Pick up Terence and bring him back here. If the ferry's departed, he'll be with Captain Bruni.

Okay, says Arthur. I'll go on my bike.

I'll go with you, says Jinjing.

Take my car if you like, says Amanda.

No, I'll bike it, says Arthur. Need the practice.

......

Arthur cycles slowly. His knee is stiffer than he thought.

Jinjing flies above him.

How he would love to fly down and perch on Arthur's shoulder.

But he doesn't.

.....

Terence and Captain Bruni are dragging the dinghy to the water.

Why do I get the pointy end? asks Terence.

So I can see you, says Captain Bruni. And make sure that you're pulling.

I'm not pulling, says Terence. I'm pushing.

I hope that's because you're incompetent and not disobedient says Captain Bruni.

No, says Terence. (It seems the safe answer).

Pull, says Captain Bruni.

What happens when I get to the water? asks Terence. I'll get there first.

Stop pulling and jump in, says Captain Bruni. I'll follow.

Then what? asks Terence.

Grab the oars and start rowing, says Captain Bruni.

Terence stops pulling and jumps.

Not yet, says Captain Bruni.

I was just looking to see where the oars are, says Terence.

Curses! says Captain Bruni. They're up at the kiosk where I left them for safe-keeping while we went to the Lighthouse.

Good, says Terence. I'll just wait here.

No you don't! says Captain Bruni. You're coming with me to the kiosk.

Yay! We might see Arthur! says Terence.

True, says Captain Bruni. On second thoughts, you'd better stay here.

What if I run off? asks Terence. Wouldn't that be exciting!

Captain Bruni is beginning to think that might not be too bad an idea.

I Have Been Insulted

We'll try for the five o'clock ferry, says Dad. We should make it.

I'd better call Gaius, says Mum.

She calls Gaius.

Hello, Gaius, It's Rachel. We're on our way back to the ferry landing. Can you meet us there? By five o'clock? What? Oh, okay.

What did he say? asks Dad.

He can't, says Mum. But he'll send Arthur.

Arthur will be LATE, says Terence.

That will not matter, says Captain Bruni. I shall remain with Terence until Arthur arrives.

Mum looks at Dad.

Does Captain Bruni qualify as a responsible adult?

Well, of course. He is a captain.

Yes, but a lobster.

He's well respected on Bruny Island.

He is. And in any case, why should Arthur be late?

His knee, remember.

You have my word as a Captain, says Captain Bruni. Terence will be looked after.

Can we go to the kiosk? asks Terence.

We'll see, says Captain Bruni.

They arrive at the ferry landing. The ferry is already there.

Of course, Arthur isn't.

If you're sure, Captain Bruni, says Dad.

Captain Bruni bows stiffly.

Say goodbye, Jerry, says Mum.

Goodbye, says Jerry.

Thanks for everything, Captain Bruni, says Dad.

Yes, thank you, says Mum.

Dad drives onto the ferry.

Toot! Five minutes later the ferry leaves Bruny Island, for Kettering.

Right, says Captain Bruni. Quick march!

To the kiosk, says Terence. Maybe they'll have some more Spew Balls.

To the dinghy, says Captain Bruni. Time you did something useful.

Terence doesn't like this new Captain Bruni.

He starts to head for the kiosk.

Captain Bruni grabs Terence's leg with his dominant claw.

Dinghy, says Captain Bruni. You brought it here. You'll take it back.

Wah! says Terence. I don't know how to. I floated.

Ever heard of oars? says Captain Bruni.

What about Arthur? wails Terence.

We'll leave a note at the kiosk, says Captain Bruni.

Why are you so mean all of a sudden? asks Terence.

I have been insulted, says Captain Bruni. Did you hear them discussing whether I was a responsible adult?

No, says Terence.

And doubting me, because I'm a lobster.

No, says Terence.

But it seems not to matter that Terence did not hear the insult.

He is marched to the dinghy.

I think we can all agree that's not fair.

Al Beano

Dad keeps checking his watch.

Feel like jogging, Jerry? asks Dad.

Yeah, dad, says Jerry. But maybe not here.

The cliff path is steep. and they're going down it.

On one side is the forest, and on the other side, a sharp drop to the sea.

Only kidding, says Dad. So what if we take a bit longer?

Yeah, so what? says Jerry.

You can tell Mum you saw a wallaby, says Dad. She'll be impressed.

What about Terence? asks Jerry. Will he be impressed?

You can never tell with Terence, says Dad. He tends to embellish.

What's that mean? asks Jerry.

Improve his stories, says Dad.

I could improve my wallaby story, says Jerry.

It's a good enough story as it is, says Dad. It was an albino. You don't often see them.

I guess so, says Jerry.

They have reached a low part of the trail.

They start jogging.

.....

Mum, Captain Bruni and Terence are waiting outside the Museum.

They're late, says Mum.

Maybe they fell off the trail and into the sea, says Terence.

I'll call Barry, says Mum.

So now we know Dad's name is Barry.

She calls Barry.

Barry, where are you? Oh. Okay. See you in five minutes.

They're just coming, says Mum. And apparently they've seen a white wallaby. That's exciting.

I wish I went, says Terence.

You made your choice, says Captain Bruni. And you chose the Museum of Pacific Exploration. The  better choice, in my opinion.

Yes, says Mum. All those journals, maps and documents. And the remains of Cook's tree. You'll have such a lot to tell Jerry.

Terence can't remember any journals, maps and documents.

And it wasn't even Cook's tree.

.....

Later. Dad is driving everyone back to the ferry landing.

Mum is talking about the Museum.

Dad is trying to listen to the conversation in the back seat.

Jerry is describing the wallaby.

And it had big pink ears, says Jerry.

Like a rabbit, says Terence.

It was albino, says Jerry.

Al Beano, says Terence. Ha ha! A rabbit called Al Beano.

Al-BINO, says Jerry. It had pink eyes as well.

Did you take a photo? asks Terence.

No, says Jerry. We didn't want to scare it.

What was it doing? asks Terence.

(It was just standing there, but Jerry decides to embellish).

It was lost, says Jerry.

How do you know? asks Terence.

It was by itself, says Jerry.

That doesn't mean lost, says Terence. Maybe it was a grandpa.

So what? says Jerry.

A grandpa can't get lost, says Terence. Even if he's all by himself.

Well, that proves it wasn't a grandpa, says Jerry.

Why? asks Terence.

Because it was lost, says Jerry.

Good one Jerry, thinks Dad, because he heard that, even though he seemed to be listening to Mum.

You're Not Them You're Us

What are you staring at? ask the remains of Cook's tree.

What are YOU staring at? asks Terence.

Are you made of cement? ask the remains of Cook's tree.

Are you made of beef jerky? asks Terence.

We're the remains of a tree, say the remains of Cook's tree.

Captain Cook's tree, says Terence.

No! Stop right there!  Do you want a lesson? ask the remains of Cook's tree.

No, says Terence. Do YOU want a lesson?

You go first, say the remains of Cook's tree.

I used to live in a palace, says Terence.

Where's the lesson in that? ask the remains of Cook's tree.

I fell off, says Terence. The lesson is you can fall off a palace.

That couldn't happen to us, say the remains of Cook's tree.

I bet it could if Saint Joseph was after you with a hammer, says Terence. What's your lesson?

Right, say the remains of Cook's tree. Imagine it's 1777. Imagine you're a tree on a point above a beach on an island. You see a ship approaching.

Good lesson, says Terence.

It's not finished, say the remains of Cook's tree. Some men come ashore. Do things. You don't know what. You're not watching.

Maybe I'm cooking a fish, says Terence.

You're not THEM you're US, say the remains of the tree.

Who's imagining it? asks Terence.

You, say the remains of the tree, but you won't learn anything if you imagine you're cooking a fish.

Okay! says Terence. I'm not cooking a fish. What am I doing?.

What trees do, say the remains of the tree.

And then what? asks Terence.

A man comes up and nails a plaque to you, with his name on it.

Not to me, says Terence. I'm made of cement. But I could have nailed it to you. You'd have known it would happen if you were watching me make it. That's a really good lesson. See what's going to happen, then run away.

A tree can't run away, say the remains of tree. That's the difference.

You're safe now, says Terence. Thanks for the lesson.

But the remains of the tree don't believe Terence has learned it.

Remains Of The Tree

Adventure Bay! says Dad. Nice views! Let's find a walking trail.

No wait, stop! says Mum. What's that building?

Dad stops outside the brick building.

Bligh Museum of Pacific Exploration, reads Jerry.

How interesting, says Mum. Let's visit.

You'll like it, says Captain Bruni.

We haven't got time to do a walk AND a museum, says Dad.

I'll go to the museum with Captain Bruni, says Mum. Jerry and Terence can do the walking trail with you.

Good, says Jerry. I don't like museums. Come on, Dad.

Okay, says Dad. Meet you back here in an hour. Coming, Terence? Or would you rather see the museum?

Museum, says Terence.

Okay, says Dad. Come on, Jerry. Hat, water bottle. Let's go.

They go off, leaving Mum, Terence and Captain Bruni outside the museum.

I'm surprised you chose the museum, Terence, says Mum.

So am I, says Terence.

What sort of an answer is that? says Captain Bruni. Are you interested in history or not?

Yes, says Terence. I'm interested in history or not, and it's better than a walking trail.

Has something bad happened to you on a walking trail? asks Mum.

Not me, says Terence. But Saint Roley's brother rolled down a walking trail into the sea and floated away in a cardboard potato box. FOREVER!

Aw, says Mum. Saint Roley. I don't know that one. Is he the patron saint of something?

He's a parrot, says Terence. A special type of parrot that catches oysters.

You're a funny boy, says Mum. Isn't he, Captain Bruni.

Yes, says Captain Bruni. A funny boy. But time's a-wasting.

Four dollars entry, says Mum. opening her wallet. I'll pay.

Not at all. Allow me, says Captain Bruni. We may not need to pay.

He enters the Museum. A man appears.

Captain Bruni! says the man.

John Hamilton! says Captain Bruni. I have two companions who are interested in history.

Welcome, says John Hamilton. We're not too busy today. I can show you around.

I'm Rachel, says Mum, and this is Terence.

A cement child, says John Hamilton. How special. Hello, Terence. What would you like to see first?

What's that? asks Terence.

That, says John Hamilton, is all that remains of Captain Cook's Tree. Some say he tied his ship to it.

Did he not have an anchor? asks Mum.

Maybe he tied up his rowing boat, suggests Captain Bruni.

I know not, says John Hamilton. He did however nail a plaque to it. Which is now lost. A replacement has been attached to a rough hewn rock at the end of the bay.

Poor old tree, says Mum.

She, John Hamilton and Captain Bruni proceed to examine some historical documents, maps and journals.

Terence remains with the remains of the tree.

Waiting To Happen

In the Jetty Café, Gaius is ordering his chips.

Arthur is explaining to Amanda that Gaius is a natural historian, as well as a cyclist, and that he, Arthur, is a cyclist as well as a poet and part time right hand man.

Jinjing has arrived at the café. He flies across to their table.

Arthur! says Jinjing. Have you got any paper?

No, says Arthur.

I have, says Amanda. How much paper?

One sheet, says Jingjing. And a pencil.

She hands him a sheet of paper, and a pencil.

What happens now?

I rose through adversity, (says Jinjing)
And flew to the Ash Blue Mountain.
This is my story.
I once had a button...

Once I had a button, says Arthur.

You never told me, says Jinjing. That makes us blood brothers.

Not me, says Arthur. That was the fourth line. Once I had a button, not I once had a button.

I think I once had a button is better, says Amanda.

Fair enough, says Arthur.

It's my poem. I can change it, says Jinjing. But in truth, I'd forgotten. That's why I want you to write it down, before it becomes as it was before I composed it.

There's a concept, says Amanda. What is a poem before anyone's composed it?

Waiting to happen, says Arthur.

Gaius comes back to the table with hot chips.

I ordered a share bowl, says Gaius. Tuck in. What's that paper? Is it one of mine?

It's for Jinjing's poem, says Arthur. We're writing it down. But first he has to remember the words it's composed of.

Don't worry, says Jinjing. I will.

I wrote a poem once, says Gaius. Let me think. What was it?

Something in Latin, about boating, says Arthur.

Yes! says Gaius. Boating. I took my inspiration from a warning sign at the sea side. Of course, the sign was in English.

He chews a hot chip, recalling his poem.

Naves non licet
In regione flava
Signum non leget
Non ante naves.

That's it, says Arthur.

But what does it mean? asks Amanda.

No vessels allowed in the areas marked in yellow, says Gaius. But the sign is not facing seawards, so that no one in a boat would be able to read it.

So few words, to say all that, says Amanda.

That's the beauty of Latin, says Gaius.

The Forest Is Silent

Now what? says Arthur, picking up the broadcasting device.

Who does it belong to? asks Gaius.

Amanda, says Arthur.

She'll be wanting it back, says Gaius.

I'll call her, says Arthur.

He calls.

Arthur, says Amanda. Where are you? I'm at the café.

Under a tree, says Arthur. The one I fixed a device to, with string.

How did that go? asks Amanda.

Good, says Arthur. But the birds didn't like it.

How'd you know? asks Amanda.

One of them complained, says Arthur. Then, when we sent a parrot up, the one that complained undid the string.

And? says Amanda.

The device fell out of the tree, says Arthur. But it's not broken.

Good-oh! says Amanda. We'll re-attach it.

Not here, says Arthur.

Okay, somewhere else, says Amanda. Bring it to the café.

All right, says Arthur.

He looks at Gaius. Coming?

Where to? asks Gaius.

Café, says Arthur.

At the mention of the café, Gaius feels peckish.

He would relish a bowl of hot chips.

Arthur picks up the device, Gaius gathers his notes and they go.

Jinjing remains for a moment. Looks around at the forest. Remembers his poem

I rose through adversity.
This is my story.
I once had a button, etcetera.

How did the rest of it go?

He should ask Arthur to write it down before he forgets it.

He leaves for the café.

The forest is silent.

Or it would be, if there was anyone left there to hear it.


At the café Amanda has finished her coffee.

Arthur and Gaius come in.

Here, says Arthur, plonking the device on the table.

Sure it's not broken? asks Amanda.

Sure, says Arthur. He flicks the switch.

Wheet-wheet!

What were they complaining about? asks Amanda.

The double wheet, says Gaius. It confused them.

May I ask how you know? asks Amanda.

From the bird's mouth, says Gaius.

You speak bird? says Amanda. That's awesome. Hey, don't I know you?

Gaius Plinius Secundus, says Gaius.

Tour de France! says Amanda. You're in Team Philosophe! !  I love cycling. I'm going to the Tour Down Under in January.

January! says Gaius.

He looks at Arthur.

Four weeks off, says Arthur. We've got loads of time.

Gaius thinks of all the things he must do before January.

Finish report on bird numbers.

Head back to mainland.

Fly to Adelaide.

Fix bike.

Yes, it can all be accomplished in four weeks, thinks Gaius.

He goes to the counter to order a bowl of hot chips.

Only A Novice Would Do This

Jinjing now knows where the switch is.

It is under the string.

Which is why it was hard to locate it.

About what you said, begins the dull female forty spotted pardalote.

Yes? says Jinjing, trying to size up the problem.

About being a right hand spotted pardalote, says the female spotted pardalote.

You wish to help me? asks Jinjing.

In a word yes, says the female spotted pardalote, as long as no blame attaches to me for a failure.

No blame will attach to you for a failure, says Jinjing. On the other hand, success would do us both credit.

Sounds fair, says the female spotted pardalote. What should I do?

Lift the string while I flick the switch off, says Jinjing.

Whereabouts? Here? asks the female spotted pardalote.

She does not wait for an answer, but lifts up one end of the string.

Only a novice would do this.

Let it go, says Jinjing. That is not helping.

Yeth-ith-will, says she, with a mouthful of string.

She flies up quickly.

Now we learn, along with Jinjing, that a bow is an inadequate method of attaching a broadcasting device to a tree.

The bow unravels easily.

The device tumbles out of the tree.

Fortunately, missing Gaius and Arthur.

It lands on fallen leaves, and lies wheet-wheeting.

Jinjing flies down and switches it off.

Sorry, says Jingjing. I realise that could have been nasty. It was my fault entirely.

The female spotted pardalote flies off to tell other spotted pardalotes that disabling the broadcasting devices is easy.

She does not know that this was the only one tied on with string.

The only one put up by Arthur.

Amanda, remember, used zip ties.

Is That Why You're Going Extinct?

But what has been happening at the northern end of the island?

Has Gaius numbered his pages?

Has he used a pale ink?

Was the pale ink made of squashed larvae?

And has he forged a bond with the dull spotted bird?

Let us find out. Here is Gaius, sitting under a tree.

Arthur and Jinjing have joined him.

Gaius is showing Arthur the numbered pages.

That's a job you won't have to do, Arthur, says Gaius.

What's the pale ink? asks Arthur.

Squashed larvae, says Gaius. I should not have thought of using larvae, but a dull spotted bird, whom I befriended, offered some to me.

A dull spotted bird, says Jinjing. Was it female?

I believe so, says Gaius.

Will she be returning? asks Jinjing. It seems you owe her some food.

She will, says Gaius. But she asked me to turn off the broadcasting device. Says it's confusing.

I'll do it, says Arthur.

He starts to climb up the tree.

Let me, says Jinjing. I'll fly up.

Go for it, says Arthur.

Jinjing flies up to the broadcasting device which is tied to a high branch with string.

He looks for a switch. A switch would be helpful.

A dull spotted bird lands beside him.

At last, says she. Are you the technician?

No...yes, says Jinjing.

Typical, says the dull spotted bird.

What do you mean? asks Jinjing.

No-yes, says the dull spotted bird. A meaningless answer.

Arthur's the technician, says Jinjing. That's him down there. But he's got a sore knee at the moment. I'm his right hand parrot.

Never heard of a right hand parrot, says the dull spotted bird.

Heard of a right hand man? asks Jinjing.

No, says the dull spotted bird.

Wheet-wheet! the device goes off, annoyingly at this juncture.

Having trouble up there? calls Gaius.

I can't find a switch! says Jinjing.

There it is, says the female spotted pardalote.

If you knew where it was, why didn't you turn it off yourself? asks Jinjing.

Ever heard of a right hand forty spotted pardalote? asks the female forty spotted pardalote.

No, says Jinjing. Is that why you're going extinct?

Ach! Too late Jinjing realises he shouldn't have said it.

Didn't Spot Any, This Is History

What a pity we didn't spot any whales, says Mum.

I didn't know we were supposed to be looking, says Dad.

Some people were, says Mum. But they didn't spot any either.

So I was lucky! says Dad.

Jerry looks at Terence. A dad joke.

But Terence thinks Dad is lucky.

Now, says Mum, we should start heading back. Where's Captain Bruni?

Here I am, says Captain Bruni. I was farewelling Captain Hawkins.

Would he like a lift anywhere? asks Dad.

No, he likes to stay in the vicinity, says Captain Bruni. I gave him the apple chunks. I hope no one minds.

In fact, everyone had forgotten the apple chunks.

Vitamin C, says Captain Bruni.

Weren't they all brown? asks Mum.

Only on the outside, says Captain Bruni.

Right! says Dad. Everyone in the car! We've time to visit Adventure Bay if we get a move on.

Lovely, says Mum. I wonder if someone once had an exciting adventure in Adventure Bay and that's how it came by the name.

It is not, says Captain Bruni. It was named in 1773 by Captain Furneaux, in honour of his ship HMS Adventure, which anchored for five days there.

Oh, well, says Mum. I hope he had an adventure.

He had already had it, says Captain Bruni.

What was it? asks Jerry.

He had become separated from Captain James Cook's HMS Resolution, says Captain Bruny.

That's not an adventure, says Jerry.

He caught twenty trout and shot a possum, says Captain Bruni.

(This is untrue, and  Captain Bruni knows it. It was not Captain Furneaux who caught the trout and shot the possum, but one of his Gentlemen. This is history).

Did he mention meeting any natives? asks Dad.

Abandoned woven grass bags and empty huts, says Captain Bruni. No natives.

This too is history.

Woop I Was Lucky And So Was She

What are you boys doing? asks Captain Bruni.

He can see what they're doing.

Dropping things from the top of the Lighthouse.

An experiment, says Jerry.

Dropping Spew Balls, says Terence.

What are they doing? asks Mum.

A experiment, they claim, says Captain Bruni. Perhaps you should stop them.

Jerry! says Mum. I thought you had run out of Spew Balls.

I had two left, says Jerry. I was saving them for the Lighthouse.

What's going on now? says Dad.

Jerry and Terence have been dropping Spew Balls through the railing, says Mum. But they've run out, thank goodness.

Just as well, says Dad. A falling Spew Ball could turn out to be a lethal weapon if it hit someone directly.

Woop! says Terence.

Terence, says Mum. I didn't expect you to be flippant.

What's flippant? asks Terence.

Disrespectful, says Mum.

I wasn't disrespectful, says Terence. I meant woop I was lucky. And woop so was the other person.

What other person? asks Mum.

The person down there, says Terence. I was thinking about dropping my steak knife

A deadly experiment, says Dad.

Thank you, says Terence.

But Dad looks disapproving. So does Mum. So does Captain Bruni.

Captain Hawkins has no idea that a steak knife has nearly been dropped from the top of the Lighthouse.

He continues to explain to the tourists how the light works and why it was needed. Then why it is needed no more.

But trouble is brewing.

A tourist who has not climbed the circular staircase due to health issues has only narrowly avoided being hit by the falling Spew Balls.

She is waiting downstairs.

The tourists begin descending.

Who did it?

She would not be surprised if it was those two boys who went up the stairs first.

But you can't just assume these things. She will complain to Captain Hawkins.

Captain Hawkins comes down the stairs last.

She approaches Captain Hawkins.

Captain, I have a complaint to make.

Yes, madam, says Captain Hawkins. What is it?

A person or persons threw these two sweeties down from the balcony and I was almost hit, first by one, then the other, says she.

But you weren't? says Captain Hawkins.

That is not the point, says the woman.

You would not say that if you had been hit, says Captain Hawkins.

I might not be here at all! says the woman.

Dad comes up.

Apologies, ma'am, our son and his friend were doing an ill-thought out experiment. They've been told off severely.

Humph! says the woman. All right. I'll withdraw my complaint. But let there not be a next time.

There will not be a next time, says Dad. I assure you.

He holds out a hand to the woman.

She shakes it.

A good outcome.

We can all be assured there will not be a next time.

She's keeping the Spew Balls.

Difficult Birds

The parrot which has landed on the top railing of the Cape Bruny Lighthouse is....would you believe it.... P. krameri!

About time! says Terence. Where've you been?

Where haven't I been! says P. krameri.

With me, says Terence.

I've been doing my job, says P. krameri. Chasing difficult birds. You have no idea! Why are you here?

I went independent, says Terence.

You don't look independent, says P. krameri, blinking at Jerry.

We're here together, says Jerry. I got bored, so Mum and Dad let me ask Terence.

Nice to be some people, says P. krameri. I suppose Jinjing's doing something cushy.

He's helping Arthur build a trap, says Terence.

That's not in the spirit of our mission, says P. krameri.

Not a real trap, says Terence. It makes bird calls and the birds come and then Arthur counts them.

Tch! says P. krameri. Sounds like bad eco-science.

I'm good at science, says Jerry.

So what do you think of it? asks P. krameri.

Depends, says Jerry.

It is always good to start with depends.

On what? asks P. krameri.

On why you want to count them, says Jerry.

To see how many there are, says Terence. Are you stupid?

It's more complex than that, says P. krameri.

Now Captain Bruni appears at the lookout, having climbed up the circular staircase.

Aha! A reunion! says Captain Bruni.

Yes, says P. krameri. If only forty spotted pardalotes were as easy to find as you are.

I am hardly ever here, says Captain Bruni. I only came across to recover my dinghy.

Nevertheless, says P. krameri, I've been here, there and everywhere. Not a forty spotted pardalote in sight. Not a swift parrot or an orange bellied parrot either.

This is as good a spot as any to see them, I'd say, says Captain Bruni.

I see you know nothing about difficult birds, says P. krameri.

P. krameri flies off before Captain Bruni can contradict him.

It could be an embarrassing situation, but no. Terence and Jerry have lost interest.

They are taking things out of their pockets, and dropping them over the sides.

Captain Hawkins appears, leading the tourists. They have binoculars and cameras.

Is that Adventure Bay? Over there?

Is it?

It is, says Captain Hawkins.

Up And Down With Alacrity

Captain Bruni and Captain Hawkins approach the Lighthouse.

The tourists are waiting outside.

This is outrageous! says one of the tourists.

I'm leaving, says another. And I'll demand a full refund!

Look! says a third tourist. Lobsters!

We're in luck! says Dad. One of those lobsters is our friend Captain Bruni. The other will be Captain Hawkins.

The tourists murmur. A lobster....how come...?

Sorry about this, folks, says Captain Hawkins. It rarely happens that a volunteer doesn't turn up. It's not my day, but I'll show you through the Lighthouse.

Cool, says Jerry. Can we go up to the top first?

No, says Captain Hawkins. It's a lighthouse. We start at the bottom. Now, where are my keys?

He fumbles in his pockets. Pretends he can't find them.

He usually does this. It's funny. But today's not the day.

Hurry up, says Captain Bruni. Their mood's turning nasty.

Captain Hawkins finds the keys and opens the door to the Lighthouse. The tourists shuffle in.

Gather round, says Captain Hawkins.

You are standing in the second oldest extant lighthouse tower in Australia. For one hundred and fifty eight years it was constantly manned. I myself was its longest serving keeper, from 1877 to 1914.

Manned? says a tourist. You mean lobstered.

That is not what I mean, says Captain Hawkins. How do you think I could get up and down these stairs with alacrity, as a lobster?

Good question, says Dad.

Which brings me to the stairs, says Captain Hawkins.

Can we go up them? asks Terence.

Not yet, says Captain Hawkins. The stairs are cast iron, and replace the original staircase.....

Terence nudges Jerry. Come on. Let's sneak up.

He makes for the staircase. Jerry follows.

Clang clang. Terence 's cement feet make an obvious sound on the cast iron staircase.

But someone has asked about sperm oil, and when did it stop being used, and what did they use as a replacement, and Captain Hawkins wishes to answer this question, so he nudges his friend Captain Bruni, indicates Terence and answers:

In 1892 sperm oil was replaced by colza oil, which is otherwise known as rapeseed.

Sperm oil replaced by rapeseed! The tourists are impressed by this fact.

At last it is time to ascend the circular staircase.

What a good view there will be from the top.

Terence and Jerry are up there already, looking out, when a parrot lands on the railing.

Longtemps No See

A group of tourists waits outside the lighthouse.

Grumbling.

Where is their tour guide? They've paid fifteen dollars.

Ignore them, says Captain Bruni. Come around to the side.

Mum, Dad, Jerry and Terence follow Captain Bruni around to the side.

There appears to be no other entrance.

Never mind, says Dad, We'll do it the proper way.

Captain Hawkins will be down on the rocks, says Captain Bruni. I'll go and find him.

We'll wait here, says Dad. And if the tour guide turns up, we'll go in.

D'accord, says Captain Bruni.

Can I go with him? asks Terence.

No, you're staying with us, says Mum.

Captain Bruni makes his way down from the lighthouse, via a track that leads to the rocks.

He is now on the rocks.

Giant waves splash and crash. Yes, it's dangerous, but not for a well seasoned lobster.

He shouts, in case Captain Hawkins in within earshot.

He is.

Bruni! cries Captain Hawkins.

William! says Captain Bruni. Longtemps non voir.

None of your French nonsense! says Captain Hawkins. Welcome to Cape Bruny. Long time no see.

I expected to see you up at the lighthouse, says Captain Bruny. Don't tell me you've retired?

Not at all, says Captain Hawkins. Well, partly. I just do odd days now.

I'm here with a family, says Captain Bruni. I was hoping....

Say no more, says Captain Hawkins. I'll come up with you.

The two lobsters scrape their way over rocks, catching up on their news.

Controversies galore here on Bruny, says Captain Hawkins. Not a dull moment. The volunteers think the council plans to sell off the National Park. Privatise everything.

Tut, says Captain Bruni.

And you? asks Captain Hawkins.

Did you know, says Captain Bruni, that eating oranges, lemons and limes prevents scurvy?

Probably heard it somewhere, says Captain Hawkins. Why?

Vitamin C, says Captain Bruni.

I meant why does it concern you? asks Captain Hawkins.

If I had known it at the time, I might not have died of the scurvy, says Captain Bruni.

But you would have died of something, says Captain Hawkins.

Perhaps not at sea, says Captain Bruni. And then, who knows, I might not have become immortal.

Over-thinking won't help, says Captain Hawkins.

They are on the track now, having crossed the rocks successfully.

You know what I mean, says Captain Bruni.

You need a stiff rum, says Captain Hawkins.

I itch sometimes, says Captain Bruni.

Probably starting to moult. says Captain Hawkins. I do too. Nothing to worry about.

You're a bon ami, says Captain Bruni.

Whatever that means, says Captain Hawkins.

Piece of apple? asks Captain Bruni, offering his friend a piece of Terence's gouged apple.

Urrr.... Captain Hawkins looks doubtful.

There may be some Vitamin C in it, says Captain Bruni.

There may have been, once, says Captain Hawkins.

Buried At Sea As A Human

It's another half hour to the Lighthouse at Cape Bruny.

They have finished their coffee.

Eaten their sandwiches.

Passed Lunawanna.

I suppose we'll have to pay to go into this Lighthouse, says Dad.

Not if Captain Hawkins is there, says Captain Bruni. He'll show us around it for nothing.

Is that allowed? asks Mum.

Oh yes, says Captain Bruni. I could do it myself, but he knows the history.

And you say he's a lobster, like you, says Mum. How does that work? When we die, do we all become lobsters?

Ha ha! laughs Captain Bruni. You don't. But in any case, you wouldn't like it.

I might like it, says Mum.

MUM! says Jerry. I wouldn't like it. What about footy practice?

I''m not ready to die yet, says Mum.

Me either, says Dad.

Lobsters can't die, says Terence. Ageless told me.

We can, says Captain Bruni. But only by accident

Let me understand this, says Dad. You were a French sea captain, Captain Bruni?

Captain Antoine Raymond Joseph de Bruni, chevalier d'Entrecasteaux, says Captain Bruni.

A human, says Dad.

Captain Bruni nods. Yes, in those days.

And you sailed around these parts, naming places, says Dad

As well as making scientific discoveries and surveys, and checking Dutch charts, says Captain Bruni.

And you died here? says Dad.

Not here, off the Hermit Islands, says Captain Bruny. I died of the scurvy.

And turned into a lobster, says Dad.

Yes, says Captain Bruni. They must have buried me at sea. But don't ask me the ontological details.

Scurvy? says Mum. There's a lesson.  Jerry, do you know what the lesson is?

Use special shampoo, says Jerry.

It's not dandruff! says Captain Bruni.

Scurf, says Mum. Jerry's thinking of scurf. But good try, Jerry.

So what's the lesson? asks Terence.

Keep up your intake of Vitamin C, says Mum. Oranges, lemons and  limes.

Is that so? says Captain Bruni.

You didn't know? asks Mum.

Hey ho. No use knowing it now, says Captain Bruni.

Split Crack Crumble

They are approaching Alonnah.

Mum checks her Trip Advisor. Not always wise.

Oh! says Mum. It seems the two ladies who run the general store can be rude.

We'll be fine, says Dad. Best behaviour.

Oh no, wait, says Mum. Some people say they're helpful and lovely.

There you go, says Dad. Some people have a hidden agenda.

But we don't know which people, says Mum.

At least we have Captain Bruni with us, says Dad.

Are you suggesting I do the shopping? asks Captain Bruni.

That would be good, says Mum. I'll give you a list. Sardines, bread, tomatoes.

And takeaway coffee, says Dad. I'll come in with you.

By now they are here.

Mum takes Jerry to find a bush.

Dad, Captain Bruni, and Terence enter the store.

Some tourists are being told off at the counter.

That's far too many chips!  Can't you see we're really busy. No, don't sit outside. The tables aren't wiped. Oh! Captain Bruni!

Everyone turns to look at Captain Bruni.

Some are surprised that he is a lobster.

Some knew it already.

Captain Bruni scrapes up to the counter. Bonjour, dear ladies! May we trouble you for bread, sardines and tomatoes?

Of course, Captain Bruni, says one lady. Would you like us to make up sandwiches? Butter or spread?

Too kind, says Captain Bruni. Butter. Will it cost extra?

For you, no, says the lady.

Coffee, whispers Dad.

And two takeaway coffees, says Captain Bruni.

Coming up, says the other lady.

What can I have? asks Terence.

Do you like cheese, dear? asks the lady doing the sardine sandwiches.

No, says Terence. I like Spew Balls.

We're out of Spew Balls, says the lady. How about Bull's Balls?

I don't think so, says Dad, foreseeing trouble.

Terence has to settle for a Wagon Wheel.

Five minutes later they leave the shop, with their sandwiches, coffee and Wagon Wheel.

That went well, says Dad.

They get into the car.

All good? asks Mum.

Yes, says Dad. We lucked out bringing Captain Bruni. The ladies fell over themselves to be helpful.

They are wise to keep on my good side, says Captain Bruni.

Would you kill them if they didn't? asks Jerry.

O yes, says Captain Bruni. I'd split them asunder.

Captain Bruni is joking, says Mum.

Jerry and Terence know better.

Terence splits the Wagon Wheel asunder.

Crack, crumble!
Chocolate,
sticky white stuff,
biscuit,
blood red jam.

When We Become Lobsters

Phone numbers, says Katherine. This one is for Gaius. This one's for Arthur.

Thanks, says Dad. Are you heading back to the mainland?

Yes, says Katherine. More cheese shops to visit. Enjoy your trip to the Lighthouse.

We will, says Mum. I'm glad you let us borrow Terence. Jerry's been getting so bored.

She looks into the back seat where Terence is prising chunks from his apple with his finger, and handing them to Jerry.

To the Lighthouse! says Dad.

Don't eat those, Jerry! says Mum.

They're not for me, says Jerry. They're for the lobster.

I'm sure Captain Bruni, doesn't want them, says Mum.

As a gift, I shall accept them, says Captain Bruni. I shall keep them until they go brown.

Would you like something to put them in? asks Mum.

Thank you, no, says Captain Bruni. I have capacious pockets.

Now my apple's ruined, says Terence.

Let's throw it out, says Jerry. Dad, can we open a window?

No, says Dad. Give it to Mum, she'll deal with it.

We could stop and buy snacks in Allonah, says Mum. There's a food store and post office there.

True, says Captain Bruni. You should stop there. No snacks in the next town, Lunawanna. Only Bruny Island Premium Wines, a public toilet, community hall, jetty and post box.

What lovely names, Allonah and Lunawanna , says Mum.

Lunawanna-allonah is the Tasmanian aboriginal name for Bruny Island, says Captain Bruni.

They should have kept it, says Mum. But perhaps I shouldn't say that, as it's named after you.

No offence taken, says Captain Bruni. When we old sea captains become lobsters, as we all do eventually, we become philosophical.

Like Captain de Kermadec, says Terence. He stabbed Arthur.

How is that philosophical? asks Dad.

He had been downing large amounts of my rum, says Captain Bruni. I can only say, there are always exceptions.

How is Arthur? asks Mum. How's his knee?

He went up a tree, says Terence.

That's good, says Mum.

Are we there yet? asks Jerry. Terence and me need a toilet.

Which place has the toilet? asks Mum.

Lunawanna, says Captain Bruni.

That's the one with no shop, says Dad.

Is it just a wee? asks Mum.

Don't ask me, says Terence.

A wee, says Jerry.

You can go behind a bush in Alonnah, says Mum.

Most problems can be solved by lateral thinking.

Water Under The Pont

Katherine pulls up in the car park at the ferry landing.

We're here, says Katherine. I don't see Jerry's family. Let's get out and wait.

Yay! says Terence. Can I we go to the kiosk?

If we're quick, says Katherine. We don't want to miss them.

They enter the kiosk.

Katherine orders a coffee, and Terence looks at the lollies.

No lollies, says Katherine. How about a red apple?

She is so mean.

They leave the kiosk with a takeaway coffee, and one red apple.

My day's ruined already, says Terence.

You have a delicious apple, says Katherine.

What if this is the last kiosk? asks Terence.

I'm sure it isn't, says Katherine. Forget about kiosks. Let's see if the dinghy's still here.

There it is! cries Terence. And there's Captain Bruni! Hey! Captain Bruni!

Captain Bruni stops dragging his dinghy along the sand, and scrapes his way up to the car park.

Hey ho! says Captain Bruni. The agreeable lady, and the dinghy thief.

I floated away accidentally, says Terence.

You cut the rope with a steak knife! says Captain Bruni. But it is all water under the pont. How are you enjoying Bruny Island?

Very nice, says Katherine. Especially the cheeses. Terence has been bird spotting, but it became unworkable.

Tut! says Captain Bruny.

Now he is going to the Lighthouse, says Katherine. Have you been?

Have I been! says Captain Bruny. Of course I've been. I'm good friends with Captain William Hawkins, the longest serving lighthouse keeper on Bruny Island. Thirty seven years and two hundred and thirty two days he tended the Cape Bruny Lighthouse.

Not that anyone was counting, says Katherine.

Ha ha, laughs Captin Bruny. I think he was counting.

He is silent for a moment. Then he says:

May I accompany you to the Lighthouse?

Ah, says Katherine. That would be delightful, but I am not going.

Don't tell me the little adventurer is going on his own? says Captain Bruny.

Yes, says Terence.

That is untrue, Terence, says Katherine.

He said don't tell him, says Terence.

Terence is going with a friend and the friend's parents, says Katherine. They should be here soon.

So they should. And they are!

Hello! Are we ready to go? says Dad, pulling up beside Katherine, Terence and Captain Bruni.

Jerry sticks his head out of the back window.

Hey Terence. Where's your parrot?

I've only got an apple, says Terence.

And a lobster, says Mum, peering past Dad, and seeing Captain Bruni.

Can he come? asks Terence. He wants to. He knows the keeper.

To their credit, Mum and Dad don't bat an eyelid.

What good parents.

Captain Bruny is in.

Pale Ink Of Squashed Larvae

Gaius and Jinjing arrive at the tenth tree.

The broadcasting device is just visible among the high branches.

This is it, says Jinjing. Arthur's not back yet.

We'll wait, says Gaius.

They wait under the tree.

The device broadcasts forty spotted pardalote calls, at regular intervals.

Wheet-wheet!

No actual birds are in evidence.

Shall I go and find Arthur? asks Jinjing.

Yes, says Gaius. I'll sit down and reorder my papers.

Look up every now and then, says Jinjing.

I will, says Gaius.

Jinjing flies off to look for Arthur.

Gaius sits down.

Wheet-wheet!

Gaius looks up.

Plop.

Faecal matter besmirches his uppermost paper.

Wheet-wheet!

A dull spotted bird flies down to perch on one of the lower branches.

Never mind! says Gaius. I'll wipe it off with my sleeve.

Wipe what off? asks the dull spotted bird.

It may not have been yours, says Gaius. Who is to say?

What are you talking about? asks the dull spotted bird.

Forget it, says Gaius. May I ask why you flew down to one of the lower branches?

You may, says the dull spotted bird.

Why then? asks Gaius.

To ask you to turn off your wheet-wheet, says the dull spotted bird.

It's not my wheet-wheet, says Gaius. I'm waiting for the technician.

It's confusing us, says the dull spotted bird.

I don't doubt it, says Gaius. Two wheets coming from the same source. Would you care to wait with me?  How are you at mathematicss?

Good, up to forty, says the dull spotted bird.

I have less than forty pages of notes here, says Gaius. But they are not numbered.

One is identifiable, says the dull spotted bird.

Indeed, says Gaius.

Do you want me to count them? asks the dull spotted bird.

No, says Gaius. What I really need is a pencil. Or something to mark the pages.

I don't have a pencil, says the dull spotted bird, but I have three larvae in my hollow.

Hum, says Gaius. What are you suggesting? A feast?

No, I could spare them. Squashed larvae might make a pale ink.

A pale ink is better than no ink, says Gaius. Thank you.

She flies up to her nest in the hollow, to gather the larvae.

Gaius congratulates himself, on winning her trust.

No True Bird

It's not fair, says Terence. Jinjing wouldn't come.

He can't be in two places at once, says Katherine.

They are crossing the Neck, on their way to the ferry landing.

It was a choice between pleasure and science, adds Katherine. What would you choose, if you were in his shoes?

To take off my shoes, says Terence.

After you'd done that, says Katherine, and you had to decide whether to go to the Lighthouse with your friend or help Gaius interview a Swift Parrot, what would you choose?

Both, says Terence.

If it could only be one or the other, says Katherine.

Terence sulks, because it has to be one or the other.

Bother! says Katherine. I forgot to give Gaius the cheeses!

We can go back, says Terence. Jinjing might be finished.

No, we'd be late, says Katherine. I'll give you the cheeses, and you can give them to Gaius later on.

How? asks Terence.

That will be up to Jerry's parents, says Katherine. They will be returning to the ferry landing. Gaius can meet you there.

Terence scowls and looks out of the window.

He can see the water, and the mainland.

He remembers the dinghy he came across in.

Remember my dinghy? says Terence.

Captain Bruni's dinghy, says Katherine. I wonder if it's been recovered? We'll see when we get near the ferry.

Are we there yet? asks Terence.

No. It's a long Neck, and they are not there yet.

........

Gaius and Jinjing proceed to the meeting spot in the forest.

He'll be here, says Jinjing.

kik kik kik!

Did you hear that? asks Gaius.

That's his flight call, says Jinjing. He's coming!

kik kik kik! Plop. Jinjing!

Allow me to introduce myself, says Gaius. Gaius Plinius Secundus. I apologise for my behaviour earlier.

Lathamus discolor, says the Swift Parrot. That's me. Not a pretty name, but I own it.

The only member of genus Lathamus, says Gaius.

Always open to new members, says the Swift Parrot, winking at Jinjing.

Jinjing ignores him.

Three questions, says the Swift Parrot. I don't have all day.

You or me? asks Gaius.

That's one you've just wasted, says Swift Parrot.

I presume, then, I may ask you three questions, says Gaius.

Correct, says Swift Parrot. Two left now. Go!

How many of you are there? asks Gaius.

One, says Swift Parrot. Or two thousand, in the plural.

How do you know? asks Jinjing.

Not counted! says Swift Parrot.

Two thousand, says Jinjing. How is that not counted?

Your question's not counted, says Swift Parrot. Because you're a softie with no true bird characteristics.

Ahem, says Gaius. Jinjing is a valued team member.

Jinjing looks embarrassed.

I believe I have one more question, says Gaius.

Lucky that wasn't framed as a question, says Swift Parrot.

Deliberately so, says Gaius. My question is, have you come across a newly placed broadcasting device around here lately?

Yes, says Swift Parrot. Ten trees over that way. Tied on with string. Very dodgy.

Thank you, says Gaius.

He turns to Jinjing.

Let us go and find Arthur, and continue our search for the forty spotted pardalote.

They leave before the Swift Parrot realises he has been bested.

In Up Swift Swifter

There's a lighthouse at the far end of South Bruny, says Katherine.

Is the light on? asks Terence.

No, it's been decommissioned, says Katherine, but they do tours, so you can go in.

And up, presumably, says Gaius.

Yes, up, says Katherine. Anyway Terence, I've arranged for you to have a chat with Jerry. Would you like that?

Yes, says Terence. I'll make him invite me. There's nothing to do here.

I wouldn't say.... begins Gaius, until he bethinks himself.

How convenient it would be if Terence is invited to the lighthouse.

I wouldn't say no... Gaius finishes smoothly.

Katherine calls Jerry's mum's phone.

Hello, Katherine here, can Terence please speak to Jerry?

Certainly, says Mum. Jerry it's your friend Terence calling.

Jerry: Hello, Spew Ball.

Terence: Hello, Snot Ball. Can I come with you to the Lighthouse?

Jerry: What about your mission?

Terence: Gaius is doing it.

Jerry: But you're number two.

Terence: I'm number two with no number threes.

Jerry: No parrots?

Terence: They flew off in different directions.

Jerry: I'll ask Mum.

He asks his mother if Terence can go with them to the Lighthouse.

Ooh, says Mum (Terence can hear her). I'll have to ask Dad.

I heard, says Dad. (Terence can hear him). How would that work? Where is he?

Jerry: Where are you?

Terence: Near where I was.

Terence hears Jerry tell Mum he is near where he was.

Ask Katherine if she's driving back to the ferry landing, says Mum. We could meet Terence there.

That's doubling back on ourselves, says Dad.

Not that much, says Mum.

Okay, says Dad. If Terence is at the ferry landing in half an hour we'll take him with us.

Yay! says Terence.

You heard that? asks Jerry.

I heard that, says Terence.

Big ears, says Jerry. Okay, ask her.

What? says Terence.

If she'll drive you back to the ferry.

Of course I will, says Katherine. I have big ears as well.

Jinjing zooms back into the clearing, and lands on the ground.

Did you catch up with him? asks Gaius.

Yes, says Jinjing. He may be Swift but I'm swifter.

And? asks Gaius.

He'll meet you, says Jinjing. But only on his terms.

I'm going to the Lighthouse, says Terence. I'm going NOW! And you're coming with me.

Sorry, says Jinjing. Can't.