Why did you say that? asked Gaius.
What? asked Margaret, getting out the sandwiches.
About the crystalline teeth, said Gaius. You said it as though it were a joke.
It was a joke, said Margaret. Haven't you read Dune?
No I haven't said Gaius. What is it, a novel?
Oh Gaius, said Margaret. Yes it's a novel, by Frank Herbert. The sandworms in his novel are hundreds of feet long and have huge crystalline teeth. They can eat anything, and their breath smells of cinnamon. They are able to travel vast distances under the sand at great speed.
Aha, said Gaius. A novel. I see. But a novel must be based upon something. Frank Herbert must have seen these long sandworms with crystalline teeth.
Not necessarily, said Margaret. He may have imagined them.
Well, well, said Gaius. I admit I have been misled by such fabulists in the past. What's in these sandwiches?
Sausages, said Margaret. Sliced. With tomato, lettuce and mayonnaise.
Tomato! said Gaius. You know that tomatoes are poisonous?
No they aren't said Margaret firmly. Eat up! Then we can go and look for worms.
Gaius dutifully ate his poisonous sandwich.
Thank you, Margaret, he said, when he had finished. Now, lead me to the worms.
They walked through the sandhills and down to the edge of the sea. The tide was coming in. They saw many small sand coloured tubes projecting one or two centimetres from the sand, all facing in the same direction. Short strands of seaweed stuck out from the base of each tube.
Gaius bent down for a closer look.
Empty, he said. Where are the worms?
You need to draw them out, said Margaret.
Gaius drew a small chunk of tomato out of his pocket and poked it down one of the tubes.
What's that? asked Margaret sharply. Not tomato, I hope?
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Monday, January 30, 2012
Worms With Crystalline Teeth
Gaius was annoyed. He hadn't wanted to look for worms on a beach. He knew nothing about sand worms. And that know-all Margaret probably knew everything there was to know.
He decided to do a bit of quick homework, and googled sand worms on his computer.
Sand worms grow to hundreds of feet in length, he read, and have large crystalline teeth.
Good heavens, muttered Gaius. I shall need sturdy shoes, and an enormous jar!
He found an empty glass jar that had once been used for pickling onions. It didn't look big enough for a worm that was hundreds of feet long.
It will just have to do, he thought. There must be worms that are shorter.
He got on his bicycle and cycled all the way down to Largs. Margaret was waiting for him at a table under a tree near the kiosk.
Hello Gaius! she called. Come over here! Let's have lunch first.
Gaius went over.
Whatever's that? she asked, pointing at his large glass onion pickling jar.
It's for the worms, said Gaius. I hope it will be big enough.
Ha ha! laughed Margaret. You must want a lot.
It might not be big enough even for one, said Gaius. Didn't you know that sand worms can grow to be hundreds of feet long?
Don't be silly, said Margaret. Next you'll be telling me they have great big crystalline teeth!
Ha ha! laughed Gaius, uncertainly.
He decided to do a bit of quick homework, and googled sand worms on his computer.
Sand worms grow to hundreds of feet in length, he read, and have large crystalline teeth.
Good heavens, muttered Gaius. I shall need sturdy shoes, and an enormous jar!
He found an empty glass jar that had once been used for pickling onions. It didn't look big enough for a worm that was hundreds of feet long.
It will just have to do, he thought. There must be worms that are shorter.
He got on his bicycle and cycled all the way down to Largs. Margaret was waiting for him at a table under a tree near the kiosk.
Hello Gaius! she called. Come over here! Let's have lunch first.
Gaius went over.
Whatever's that? she asked, pointing at his large glass onion pickling jar.
It's for the worms, said Gaius. I hope it will be big enough.
Ha ha! laughed Margaret. You must want a lot.
It might not be big enough even for one, said Gaius. Didn't you know that sand worms can grow to be hundreds of feet long?
Don't be silly, said Margaret. Next you'll be telling me they have great big crystalline teeth!
Ha ha! laughed Gaius, uncertainly.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
No Worm She Doesn't Like
Well? said Marie.
Well what? said Gaius.
The article, said Marie. May we expect it soon?
Yes, yes of course, said Gaius. It will be about ....worms.
Oh, will it? said Marie. I hope there will be a bicycle in it as well.
Nothing easier, said Gaius, confidently. I shall go out on my bicycle this afternoon and search for worms.
Very good, said Marie. Thanks, Gaius. Bye now.
........
Ring ring! Diddley diddley dee! His phone rang again. He pressed the answer button.
Have you forgotten something, Marie? he asked.
This isn't Marie, said Margaret. It's Margaret. Who's Marie?
Oh nobody , said Gaius, just a colleague wanting me to write something about worms...
Worms! said Margaret. What a coincidence. I am very interested in worms. I shall be able to help you.
Oh no, said Gaius. Not those sort of worms...
Not what sort of worms? asked Margaret, smelling a rat. You don't know what sort of worms I'm interested in. What sort are YOU interested in?
Suppose you tell me first, said Gaius.
No, said Margaret. You first. And anyway, she added. There is no sort of worm I am not interested in.
Nor me, said Gaius gloomily. However, some worms are difficult to locate.
That's just why you need me, said Margaret. We'll go out on our bicycles this afternoon. We'll go to Largs. There are always worms there.
At the beach? said Gaius. It's too hot.
It'll be more pleasant there, said Margaret briskly. I'll bring a picnic. You bring a jar for the worms.
Well what? said Gaius.
The article, said Marie. May we expect it soon?
Yes, yes of course, said Gaius. It will be about ....worms.
Oh, will it? said Marie. I hope there will be a bicycle in it as well.
Nothing easier, said Gaius, confidently. I shall go out on my bicycle this afternoon and search for worms.
Very good, said Marie. Thanks, Gaius. Bye now.
........
Ring ring! Diddley diddley dee! His phone rang again. He pressed the answer button.
Have you forgotten something, Marie? he asked.
This isn't Marie, said Margaret. It's Margaret. Who's Marie?
Oh nobody , said Gaius, just a colleague wanting me to write something about worms...
Worms! said Margaret. What a coincidence. I am very interested in worms. I shall be able to help you.
Oh no, said Gaius. Not those sort of worms...
Not what sort of worms? asked Margaret, smelling a rat. You don't know what sort of worms I'm interested in. What sort are YOU interested in?
Suppose you tell me first, said Gaius.
No, said Margaret. You first. And anyway, she added. There is no sort of worm I am not interested in.
Nor me, said Gaius gloomily. However, some worms are difficult to locate.
That's just why you need me, said Margaret. We'll go out on our bicycles this afternoon. We'll go to Largs. There are always worms there.
At the beach? said Gaius. It's too hot.
It'll be more pleasant there, said Margaret briskly. I'll bring a picnic. You bring a jar for the worms.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Lucky Margaret.
Ring Ring! Diddley Diddley Dee! It was Gaius's mobile phone.
Blast! said Gaius. Where is it?
The ring tone seemed to be emanating from a shopping bag. By the time Gaius had located the phone, the ringing had stopped.
Blast! said Gaius. I'll never get used to these contraptions. I wonder if it was Margaret?
He peered at the screen. Missed call, it said.
I know that, muttered Gaius. But who was it?
Luckily the phone rang again. Since it was in his hand, it was a simple matter to press the button and take the call.
Margaret? said Gaius. Is that you? I must apologise.....
No, no said Marie. It's not Margaret. It's Marie. From Velosophy. We were wondering how your article was coming along?
Good heavens, Marie! said Gaius. Ahem......article you say? Perhaps you could refresh my memory? I've been rather busy lately....
Seeing Margaret? asked Marie.
No no, not seeing her, said Gaius, but we correspond from time to time...she seems to be very interested in ...well... everything I do. In fact, no..... never mind. What is it you want?
An article combining cycling and philosophy, said Marie. You wrote one for us last year remember? About the two mysterious bicycles outside the Korean church, and how in trying to solve the mystery you were mistaken for the Chosen One.
Oh yes! said Gaius. So I was. Oh dear. I've been so busy trying to avoid... ahem...
Margaret? said Marie. Don't be shy Gaius. Spit it out. You're trying to avoid her?
Not entirely, said Gaius. But only in a way.
I see, said Marie. Lucky Margaret.
Blast! said Gaius. Where is it?
The ring tone seemed to be emanating from a shopping bag. By the time Gaius had located the phone, the ringing had stopped.
Blast! said Gaius. I'll never get used to these contraptions. I wonder if it was Margaret?
He peered at the screen. Missed call, it said.
I know that, muttered Gaius. But who was it?
Luckily the phone rang again. Since it was in his hand, it was a simple matter to press the button and take the call.
Margaret? said Gaius. Is that you? I must apologise.....
No, no said Marie. It's not Margaret. It's Marie. From Velosophy. We were wondering how your article was coming along?
Good heavens, Marie! said Gaius. Ahem......article you say? Perhaps you could refresh my memory? I've been rather busy lately....
Seeing Margaret? asked Marie.
No no, not seeing her, said Gaius, but we correspond from time to time...she seems to be very interested in ...well... everything I do. In fact, no..... never mind. What is it you want?
An article combining cycling and philosophy, said Marie. You wrote one for us last year remember? About the two mysterious bicycles outside the Korean church, and how in trying to solve the mystery you were mistaken for the Chosen One.
Oh yes! said Gaius. So I was. Oh dear. I've been so busy trying to avoid... ahem...
Margaret? said Marie. Don't be shy Gaius. Spit it out. You're trying to avoid her?
Not entirely, said Gaius. But only in a way.
I see, said Marie. Lucky Margaret.
Friday, January 27, 2012
The Jelly Dialogues - Calling Gaius
Sensitive chap, observed Le Bon David.
They both are, said The Velodrone. Like most young men these days.
Nonsense papa, said Belle et Bonne. They're overtired. They put a lot more into the Tour Down Under than you and Uncle David.
True my dear, said The VeloDrone. David and I didn't try very hard this year. Perhaps it's time we gave it up. We're getting on in years....
Yes, how old are we now? asked Le Bon David.
Don't ask, said The VeloDrone. But the eighteenth century seems a very long time ago. My bones....
Stop being so maudlin, said Marie. We have work to do. We have a magazine to publish, and nothing to print, so far. We need to get on to some people and hurry them up.
Yes, said Belle et Bonne. All these people who've promised us articles, who were they......oh yes, Camus, and Flaubert and Splosh! and that naughty Gaius, I wonder what he's been up to? I thought we might see him at the Tour.
Ah, said Marie. He took up with Margaret, remember.
Ooh yes! said Belle et Bonne. Margaret. Perhaps they've become lovers.
I'll wager they haven't, said The VeloDrone.
The idea! said Le Bon David.
Well, said Marie. That's easy to settle. Let's give him a call.
They both are, said The Velodrone. Like most young men these days.
Nonsense papa, said Belle et Bonne. They're overtired. They put a lot more into the Tour Down Under than you and Uncle David.
True my dear, said The VeloDrone. David and I didn't try very hard this year. Perhaps it's time we gave it up. We're getting on in years....
Yes, how old are we now? asked Le Bon David.
Don't ask, said The VeloDrone. But the eighteenth century seems a very long time ago. My bones....
Stop being so maudlin, said Marie. We have work to do. We have a magazine to publish, and nothing to print, so far. We need to get on to some people and hurry them up.
Yes, said Belle et Bonne. All these people who've promised us articles, who were they......oh yes, Camus, and Flaubert and Splosh! and that naughty Gaius, I wonder what he's been up to? I thought we might see him at the Tour.
Ah, said Marie. He took up with Margaret, remember.
Ooh yes! said Belle et Bonne. Margaret. Perhaps they've become lovers.
I'll wager they haven't, said The VeloDrone.
The idea! said Le Bon David.
Well, said Marie. That's easy to settle. Let's give him a call.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
The Jelly Dialogues - Bob
Sweezus swam out to the two little girls in pink hats, who were not in any sort of trouble.
Do you need help? asked Sweezus?
No, said the first little girl.
Don't talk to him, said the second little girl.
Sorry, said Sweezus. I was just hoping I could help you.
DADDY!!! screamed the first little girl.
I'm going, I'm going, said Sweezus, turning and swimming away.
There was a time, he thought to himself, when this type of thing didn't happen. When children weren't scared of nice people.
He decided to swim to the jetty, before getting out of the water. Then he would go home. Then he would sit down and write something. And he would send it to The VeloDrone. And be recognised as a force to be reckoned with. In the literary world.
He swam towards the jetty, freestyle.
.........
What's he doing out there? asked Surfing-With-Whales.
Saving face, said Marie. We won't see him for days.
I'm off too now, said Surfing-With-Whales. Come and see me at Victor. I'll give you a freebie.
Thanks Bob, said Marie.
Bye Bob, said Belle et Bonne.
Goodbye Bob, said The Velodrone. Thank you for your efforts in the Tour Down Under.
All the best, Bob, said Le Bon David.
Who told you my name was BOB? asked Surfing-With-Whales, scowling darkly.
Sweezus, said Marie. Aren't you comfortable with it?
The mongrel ! growled Surfing-With-Whales. No, I never liked Bob. It's not cool for a surfer.
I don't know, said Belle et Bonne. Surfing-With-Bob. It would be a truer description.
If you weren't such a honey, said Surfing-With-Whales. I'd tell you just where to stick it. Goodbye.
Do you need help? asked Sweezus?
No, said the first little girl.
Don't talk to him, said the second little girl.
Sorry, said Sweezus. I was just hoping I could help you.
DADDY!!! screamed the first little girl.
I'm going, I'm going, said Sweezus, turning and swimming away.
There was a time, he thought to himself, when this type of thing didn't happen. When children weren't scared of nice people.
He decided to swim to the jetty, before getting out of the water. Then he would go home. Then he would sit down and write something. And he would send it to The VeloDrone. And be recognised as a force to be reckoned with. In the literary world.
He swam towards the jetty, freestyle.
.........
What's he doing out there? asked Surfing-With-Whales.
Saving face, said Marie. We won't see him for days.
I'm off too now, said Surfing-With-Whales. Come and see me at Victor. I'll give you a freebie.
Thanks Bob, said Marie.
Bye Bob, said Belle et Bonne.
Goodbye Bob, said The Velodrone. Thank you for your efforts in the Tour Down Under.
All the best, Bob, said Le Bon David.
Who told you my name was BOB? asked Surfing-With-Whales, scowling darkly.
Sweezus, said Marie. Aren't you comfortable with it?
The mongrel ! growled Surfing-With-Whales. No, I never liked Bob. It's not cool for a surfer.
I don't know, said Belle et Bonne. Surfing-With-Bob. It would be a truer description.
If you weren't such a honey, said Surfing-With-Whales. I'd tell you just where to stick it. Goodbye.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
The Jelly Dialogues - Girls in Trouble
What is it, papa? asked Belle et Bonne. What have you found?
I don't know, said The VeloDrone. It's all soggy.
That's my card, said Surfing-with-Whales. Those little monkeys! They lost it!
I suspect that they threw it away, said Marie. I heard them saying they didn't like whales.
Don't like whales! said Surfing-With-Whales. They didn't say that to me!
They were probably too scared to say it to you, said Marie. You have no head for business. You shouldn't approach little girls.
Yeah, you're right, agreed Surfing-With-Whales. I need a partner.
He looked at Sweezus.
Don't look at me, said Sweezus. I have too much to do.
What? What do you have to do? asked Surfing-With-Whales.
I have to get on with my writing, said Sweezus. I did this creative writing course last year. I got really good marks for my zoo assignment.....
Oh yes, said The Velodrone. Weren't you going to write something for us! What happened to that?
He got writer's block, said Le Bon David.
No I didn't, said Sweezus. It's coming along nicely.
What's it about? asked Surfing-With-Whales.
Yes, what's it about? asked The Velodrone.
Sweezus looked out to sea. It was getting choppy. Like chopped green jelly. Except it was wet.
The two little girls in pink hats were out way too far.
Oh look, he said. Those two little girls in pink hats are in trouble!
He hoped that they were. He splashed out towards them and dived under a wave.
I don't know, said The VeloDrone. It's all soggy.
That's my card, said Surfing-with-Whales. Those little monkeys! They lost it!
I suspect that they threw it away, said Marie. I heard them saying they didn't like whales.
Don't like whales! said Surfing-With-Whales. They didn't say that to me!
They were probably too scared to say it to you, said Marie. You have no head for business. You shouldn't approach little girls.
Yeah, you're right, agreed Surfing-With-Whales. I need a partner.
He looked at Sweezus.
Don't look at me, said Sweezus. I have too much to do.
What? What do you have to do? asked Surfing-With-Whales.
I have to get on with my writing, said Sweezus. I did this creative writing course last year. I got really good marks for my zoo assignment.....
Oh yes, said The Velodrone. Weren't you going to write something for us! What happened to that?
He got writer's block, said Le Bon David.
No I didn't, said Sweezus. It's coming along nicely.
What's it about? asked Surfing-With-Whales.
Yes, what's it about? asked The Velodrone.
Sweezus looked out to sea. It was getting choppy. Like chopped green jelly. Except it was wet.
The two little girls in pink hats were out way too far.
Oh look, he said. Those two little girls in pink hats are in trouble!
He hoped that they were. He splashed out towards them and dived under a wave.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
The Jelly Dialogues - Card
What happened? Are they crying? asked Belle et Bonne, when Sweezus came back.
They thought I was pulling their legs, said Sweezus ruefully.
But you weren't, said Marie.
No, I wasn't, said Sweezus. But their legs are a sensitive point. They've all lost a few. In fact I was offering them a freebie for Surfing With Whales.
What? said Surfing-With-Whales. That's way out of order! Dude! I have to make a living!
Don't worry, said Sweezus. They weren't interested. Even when I pointed out that you don't actually go near the whales.
Oh excellent! said Surfing-With-Whales. Shut up why don't you! Those little kids'll hear you.
What little kids? asked Sweezus, looking around.
Those two little girls in pink hats, said Belle et Bonne. Surfing-With-Whales has just given them his card.
You have a CARD? said Sweezus, impressed.
Yeah, said Surfing-With-Whales. In business you have to think of these things.
What's it made of, just as a point of interest? asked Sweezus.
Card, said Surfing with Whales. What else would it be made of?
Plastic, said Sweezus. Then when it got wet....
Hey dude! Good point! said Surfing-With-Whales.
Look what I found, said The VeloDrone, wading towards them through the jelly green water.
They thought I was pulling their legs, said Sweezus ruefully.
But you weren't, said Marie.
No, I wasn't, said Sweezus. But their legs are a sensitive point. They've all lost a few. In fact I was offering them a freebie for Surfing With Whales.
What? said Surfing-With-Whales. That's way out of order! Dude! I have to make a living!
Don't worry, said Sweezus. They weren't interested. Even when I pointed out that you don't actually go near the whales.
Oh excellent! said Surfing-With-Whales. Shut up why don't you! Those little kids'll hear you.
What little kids? asked Sweezus, looking around.
Those two little girls in pink hats, said Belle et Bonne. Surfing-With-Whales has just given them his card.
You have a CARD? said Sweezus, impressed.
Yeah, said Surfing-With-Whales. In business you have to think of these things.
What's it made of, just as a point of interest? asked Sweezus.
Card, said Surfing with Whales. What else would it be made of?
Plastic, said Sweezus. Then when it got wet....
Hey dude! Good point! said Surfing-With-Whales.
Look what I found, said The VeloDrone, wading towards them through the jelly green water.
Monday, January 23, 2012
The Jelly Dialogues - Freebie
Hey there! Team Crustacean! called Le Bon David. Come over here!
You come over here! shouted Ageless. Arrogant philosophers!
Oh, I say! said Le Bon David. Touchy! Never mind.
I'll go said Sweezus. They'll be feeling let down.
He walked over to where Team Crustacean were standing in the jelly green water, staring out to sea as Starpuss gently floated towards the horizon.
Hi guys, said Sweezus. Bad luck about your crash. You were going so well.
Piss off! said Decca. It was all your fault.
No it wasn't, said Karko, it was that other bastard who kicked the box-on-wheels.
Was that a factor? asked Sweezus, surprised.
As if you didn't know, said Decca.
Well, I'm sorry if my friend was the reason for your accident, said Sweezus. I'm sure he'd like to make it up to you.
Yeah right, sneered Karko.
No really, said Sweezus. Do you ever go down to Victor Harbor? My friend runs a business called Surfing with Whales. He'd be happy to give you a freebie.
Crabs and lobsters do not go surfing with whales, said Ageless stiffly.
No, we don't said Decca.
Too right, said Karko. We don't.
Ah, said Sweezus. That's the beauty of it. You don't actually go surfing with whales.
Why don't you just rack off! said Decca, crossly. We don't like having our legs pulled.
The idea of having their legs pulled sent Decca and Karko and Ageless into spasms of grief. They wept uncontrollably.
Sweezus felt sorry, but there was little he could do. He waded back to his friends.
You come over here! shouted Ageless. Arrogant philosophers!
Oh, I say! said Le Bon David. Touchy! Never mind.
I'll go said Sweezus. They'll be feeling let down.
He walked over to where Team Crustacean were standing in the jelly green water, staring out to sea as Starpuss gently floated towards the horizon.
Hi guys, said Sweezus. Bad luck about your crash. You were going so well.
Piss off! said Decca. It was all your fault.
No it wasn't, said Karko, it was that other bastard who kicked the box-on-wheels.
Was that a factor? asked Sweezus, surprised.
As if you didn't know, said Decca.
Well, I'm sorry if my friend was the reason for your accident, said Sweezus. I'm sure he'd like to make it up to you.
Yeah right, sneered Karko.
No really, said Sweezus. Do you ever go down to Victor Harbor? My friend runs a business called Surfing with Whales. He'd be happy to give you a freebie.
Crabs and lobsters do not go surfing with whales, said Ageless stiffly.
No, we don't said Decca.
Too right, said Karko. We don't.
Ah, said Sweezus. That's the beauty of it. You don't actually go surfing with whales.
Why don't you just rack off! said Decca, crossly. We don't like having our legs pulled.
The idea of having their legs pulled sent Decca and Karko and Ageless into spasms of grief. They wept uncontrollably.
Sweezus felt sorry, but there was little he could do. He waded back to his friends.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
The Jelly Dialogues - Part One
The Tour Down Under is over. Team Philosophe, Belle et Bonne and Marie are down at the beach, relaxing. At the moment they are all standing up to their waists in the sea. Team Crustacean are also at the beach, saying goodbye, a short distance away.
Belle et Bonne: How beautiful it is here. So much cooler.
Marie: Yes, the water is like jelly.
Sweezus: Jelly?
Surfing-With-Whales: She's right. Green jelly. Lime jelly. Just before it sets.
Sweezus: You're very imaginative. Okay, what if it sets?
The VeloDrone: What's this about jelly?
Le Bon David: Belle thinks the water is like jelly.
Marie: No, that was me.
Sweezus: But what if it sets?
Le Bon David: It's more lemon than lime.
Surfing-With-Whales: That's because you're facing the shore. And it's shallower there.
Belle et Bonne: How observant you are!
Sweezus( gloomily) : Everyone's observant but me.
The VeloDrone: Is that a new swimsuit Marie?
Marie: Yes, do you like it?
The VeloDrone: It blends in with the colours of the sea.
Belle et Bonne: Lime green? It's not lime green, papa.
Marie: No, it's more olive green. And off white. In an Aztec pattern.
Sweezus: It's a nice swimsuit, Marie. You hardly look any different from the sea.
Marie: Thanks Sweezie. You are observant.
The VeloDrone: That's what I said! How is it I don't get any thanks?
Marie: Everyone knows you're observant.
Le Bon David: Hey everyone! Look over there! Isn't that Team Crustacean?
And so it was. There was Ageless waving goodbye to Karko and Decca, and there was Starpuss, in a box without wheels, floating slowly out to sea .
Belle et Bonne: How beautiful it is here. So much cooler.
Marie: Yes, the water is like jelly.
Sweezus: Jelly?
Surfing-With-Whales: She's right. Green jelly. Lime jelly. Just before it sets.
Sweezus: You're very imaginative. Okay, what if it sets?
The VeloDrone: What's this about jelly?
Le Bon David: Belle thinks the water is like jelly.
Marie: No, that was me.
Sweezus: But what if it sets?
Le Bon David: It's more lemon than lime.
Surfing-With-Whales: That's because you're facing the shore. And it's shallower there.
Belle et Bonne: How observant you are!
Sweezus( gloomily) : Everyone's observant but me.
The VeloDrone: Is that a new swimsuit Marie?
Marie: Yes, do you like it?
The VeloDrone: It blends in with the colours of the sea.
Belle et Bonne: Lime green? It's not lime green, papa.
Marie: No, it's more olive green. And off white. In an Aztec pattern.
Sweezus: It's a nice swimsuit, Marie. You hardly look any different from the sea.
Marie: Thanks Sweezie. You are observant.
The VeloDrone: That's what I said! How is it I don't get any thanks?
Marie: Everyone knows you're observant.
Le Bon David: Hey everyone! Look over there! Isn't that Team Crustacean?
And so it was. There was Ageless waving goodbye to Karko and Decca, and there was Starpuss, in a box without wheels, floating slowly out to sea .
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Stage Six - Chances
It's the final day of the Tour Down Under. Phil Liggett and Paul Sherwen are chatting before the race.
Phil Liggett: Well Paul, what did you think of the performance of Team Crustacean yesterday?
Paul Sherwen: Yes, Phil, what a disaster for Team Crustacean, who were doing so well and were such great favourites with the crowd, until that terrible tumble at the bottom of Old Willunga Hill.
Phil Liggett: Yes, legs everywhere! Some of them were actually detached, I believe. Fortunately not the legs of any of the spectators.
Paul Sherwen: Ha ha! Fortunate indeed! It just shows what a dangerous sport cycling can be.
Phil Liggett: And Starpuss? Any news of her condition?
Paul Sherwen: Dead or comatose. In other words, much the same as before. But the box-on-wheels is now just a box.
Phil Liggett: Oh dear. And Sweezus, from Team Philosophe? What do you think of his chances today?
Paul Sherwen: He's got a good chance of winning Skoda King of the Mountain. I hear he's been saving his legs.
Phil Liggett: They all do that, Paul.
Paul Sherwen: I said saving not shaving.
Phil Liggett: I heard you. Saving.
Paul Sherwen: Well, they don't all do that. Take Team Crustacean.
Phil Liggett: Ha ha! Indeed.
Phil Liggett: Well Paul, what did you think of the performance of Team Crustacean yesterday?
Paul Sherwen: Yes, Phil, what a disaster for Team Crustacean, who were doing so well and were such great favourites with the crowd, until that terrible tumble at the bottom of Old Willunga Hill.
Phil Liggett: Yes, legs everywhere! Some of them were actually detached, I believe. Fortunately not the legs of any of the spectators.
Paul Sherwen: Ha ha! Fortunate indeed! It just shows what a dangerous sport cycling can be.
Phil Liggett: And Starpuss? Any news of her condition?
Paul Sherwen: Dead or comatose. In other words, much the same as before. But the box-on-wheels is now just a box.
Phil Liggett: Oh dear. And Sweezus, from Team Philosophe? What do you think of his chances today?
Paul Sherwen: He's got a good chance of winning Skoda King of the Mountain. I hear he's been saving his legs.
Phil Liggett: They all do that, Paul.
Paul Sherwen: I said saving not shaving.
Phil Liggett: I heard you. Saving.
Paul Sherwen: Well, they don't all do that. Take Team Crustacean.
Phil Liggett: Ha ha! Indeed.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Stages Four and Five - Emotional
Stage Four. Team Crustacean are labouring up Menglers Hill near Tanunda. Decca is finding it hard to keep going.
Decca: Is there anything to eat?
Karko: Here, have a Power Bar. How's Starpuss?
Decca: Right now I don't give a toss.
Ageless: That's no way to talk. She might hear you.
Decca: You reckon?
Karko: You're the one who brought her!
Decca: Yeah, but...she's a friggin' dead weight.
Ageless: She'll be good on the downhill run.
Decca: How come I'm the one who has to pull her?
Karko: You always were!
Decca: Bull!
Ageless: That's enough of that sort of talk! Shut up and pedal!
At this point Team Crustacean is passed by Oscar Freire, of team Katusha, who wins the Stage. Well done him.
......
Stage Five. McLaren Vale to Willunga. If Team Crustacean don't win today, they are stuffed. They have high hopes, however.
Ageless: Now Decca, when we get to the top of the Hill, I want you to accidentally let Starpuss go.
Decca: What?
Karko: Brilliant plan. She's registered as a rider after all. If she gets to the finish first, we win the stage!
.......
Sweezus and Surfing-With-Whales are right behind them. They overhear Team Crustacean's cunning plan.
Sweezus: The knobheads! They think the race finishes at the bottom.
Surfing-With-Whales: So do I.
Swezus: Well it doesn't, it finishes at the top.
Surfing-With-Whales: This never happens in surfing.
Sweezus: Shut up and pedal!
Just then they are passed by Alejandro Valverde, from Team Movistar, who wins the Stage in an emotional finish. Well done him.
Decca: Is there anything to eat?
Karko: Here, have a Power Bar. How's Starpuss?
Decca: Right now I don't give a toss.
Ageless: That's no way to talk. She might hear you.
Decca: You reckon?
Karko: You're the one who brought her!
Decca: Yeah, but...she's a friggin' dead weight.
Ageless: She'll be good on the downhill run.
Decca: How come I'm the one who has to pull her?
Karko: You always were!
Decca: Bull!
Ageless: That's enough of that sort of talk! Shut up and pedal!
At this point Team Crustacean is passed by Oscar Freire, of team Katusha, who wins the Stage. Well done him.
......
Stage Five. McLaren Vale to Willunga. If Team Crustacean don't win today, they are stuffed. They have high hopes, however.
Ageless: Now Decca, when we get to the top of the Hill, I want you to accidentally let Starpuss go.
Decca: What?
Karko: Brilliant plan. She's registered as a rider after all. If she gets to the finish first, we win the stage!
.......
Sweezus and Surfing-With-Whales are right behind them. They overhear Team Crustacean's cunning plan.
Sweezus: The knobheads! They think the race finishes at the bottom.
Surfing-With-Whales: So do I.
Swezus: Well it doesn't, it finishes at the top.
Surfing-With-Whales: This never happens in surfing.
Sweezus: Shut up and pedal!
Just then they are passed by Alejandro Valverde, from Team Movistar, who wins the Stage in an emotional finish. Well done him.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Stage Three - Psychology
Stage Three from Unley to Victor Harbor is over. Andre Greipel has won again. Now it is Pasta Party night in Norwood. The Parade is thronged with people. Belle et Bonne and Marie are sitting at an outdoor table with The Velodrone and Le Bon David, eating pasta and drinking white wine.
Belle et Bonne: And then he said, "As if that could happen!". It was all I could do not to laugh.
The VeloDrone: Dear me! How absurd. Do you think he was having you on?
Le Bon David: Sweezus isn't the type to have anyone on. Perhaps he's forgotten.
The VeloDrone: Maybe he meant, "As if that could happen to a starfish!".
Belle et Bonne: Yes, maybe that's what he meant. Here he comes. Why don't you ask him.
Sweezus and Surfing-With-Whales rock up, and sit down at the table.
Sweezus: What's everyone having?
Marie: Seafood pasta. Want some?
Surfing-With-Whales (glancing towards Team Crustacean, who are sitting uncomfortably at the next table) : Seafood? Would that be lobster or crab?
Belle et Bonne: Shush! They'll hear you.
Surfing-With-Whales: It's cool. It's psychology.
Le Bon David (nodding sagely) Ah yes! Psychology.
The VeloDrone: Now then, Sweezus, what's this about Starpuss? Has she come back to life or not?
Sweezus: No, no way.
Ageless Lobster( from the next table): Why don't you ask us?
Decca: Yeah. She's right here in the box. Wanna look?
Surfing-With-Whales gets up and walks over to the box. He kicks it savagely. A burbling sound comes from the depths of the box.
Starpuss: Burble burble.
Surfing-With-Whales: Christ!
Sweezus: Ventriloquism.
Ageless: Ha ha! Psychology!
Belle et Bonne: And then he said, "As if that could happen!". It was all I could do not to laugh.
The VeloDrone: Dear me! How absurd. Do you think he was having you on?
Le Bon David: Sweezus isn't the type to have anyone on. Perhaps he's forgotten.
The VeloDrone: Maybe he meant, "As if that could happen to a starfish!".
Belle et Bonne: Yes, maybe that's what he meant. Here he comes. Why don't you ask him.
Sweezus and Surfing-With-Whales rock up, and sit down at the table.
Sweezus: What's everyone having?
Marie: Seafood pasta. Want some?
Surfing-With-Whales (glancing towards Team Crustacean, who are sitting uncomfortably at the next table) : Seafood? Would that be lobster or crab?
Belle et Bonne: Shush! They'll hear you.
Surfing-With-Whales: It's cool. It's psychology.
Le Bon David (nodding sagely) Ah yes! Psychology.
The VeloDrone: Now then, Sweezus, what's this about Starpuss? Has she come back to life or not?
Sweezus: No, no way.
Ageless Lobster( from the next table): Why don't you ask us?
Decca: Yeah. She's right here in the box. Wanna look?
Surfing-With-Whales gets up and walks over to the box. He kicks it savagely. A burbling sound comes from the depths of the box.
Starpuss: Burble burble.
Surfing-With-Whales: Christ!
Sweezus: Ventriloquism.
Ageless: Ha ha! Psychology!
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Stage Two - As if that could happen
Sergeant Woodie heard a noise coming from the storeroom. He went out the back to investigate.
Hello? he said.
Starpuss twitched slightly. A bubble rose from somewhere down below.
This won't do, said Sergeant Woodie to himself. She'll never keep till Christmas. And in any case she's hardly a suitable gift for a kiddie in hospital.
He picked up the phone.
....
Sweezus and Surfing-With-Whales coasted along in the main peloton, somewhere between Lobethal and Stirling. It was cooler today.
Whoa! Eyeballs out! said Sweezus, as Will Clarke powered past.
Freakazoid! said Surfing-with-Whales.
And I thought Team Crustacean was the one to beat, said Sweezus.
Yeah, but that was before they lost their precious Starpussy, sneered Surfing-With-Whales.
Let's hope then, said Sweezus, that they don't get her back.
......
Belle et Bonne and Marie were waiting at the finish line.
Will Clarke had won the stage and was already being interviewed.
My strength is to keep on going, he was saying.
Belle et Bonne giggled.
What's so funny about that? frowned Marie.
Sweezus and Surfing-With-Whales crossed the finish line together.
Any news about Starpuss? asked Sweezus, when he'd stopped puffing.
She's being returned, said Marie. And there's a rumour going round that she's come back to life!
As if that could happen! scoffed Sweezus.
Hello? he said.
Starpuss twitched slightly. A bubble rose from somewhere down below.
This won't do, said Sergeant Woodie to himself. She'll never keep till Christmas. And in any case she's hardly a suitable gift for a kiddie in hospital.
He picked up the phone.
....
Sweezus and Surfing-With-Whales coasted along in the main peloton, somewhere between Lobethal and Stirling. It was cooler today.
Whoa! Eyeballs out! said Sweezus, as Will Clarke powered past.
Freakazoid! said Surfing-with-Whales.
And I thought Team Crustacean was the one to beat, said Sweezus.
Yeah, but that was before they lost their precious Starpussy, sneered Surfing-With-Whales.
Let's hope then, said Sweezus, that they don't get her back.
......
Belle et Bonne and Marie were waiting at the finish line.
Will Clarke had won the stage and was already being interviewed.
My strength is to keep on going, he was saying.
Belle et Bonne giggled.
What's so funny about that? frowned Marie.
Sweezus and Surfing-With-Whales crossed the finish line together.
Any news about Starpuss? asked Sweezus, when he'd stopped puffing.
She's being returned, said Marie. And there's a rumour going round that she's come back to life!
As if that could happen! scoffed Sweezus.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Stage One - She Wakes
Stage One of the Tour Down Under was a ride from Prospect to Clare. It was a very hot and windy day. Team Philosophe was riding near the back.
The VeloDrone: Now, the plan is to keep towards the back, then ride a little faster at the end.
Le Bon David: I'm for that!
Surfing-With-Whales: That's not a plan!
The VeloDrone: It's far too hot to bother much today. You younger ones go on ahead.
Surfing-With-Whales: What do you reckon, Sweezo?
Sweezus: Let's go!
They surge forward......
Sweezus and Surfing-With-Whales are up near the front. The race has 20 kilometres to go. Someone falls! Crash! Oh no!
Three riders are injured. The rest of the peloton is held up.
Andre Greipel wins again, in a photo finish this time.
Sweezus and Surfing-With-Whales are elated. They've finished in the top twenty!
But what's this? The first ninety riders are all given the same time, because the crash was so close to the end.
Far out! This would never happen in surfing, said Surfing-With-Whales.
......
Team Crustacean was unhappy. They hadn't even made the first ninety.
Ageless: We need a new plan. It's too hard riding with strapped up legs.
Decca: No. We just need our old plan. We need Starpuss back. She brought us luck.
Karko: She didn't. She got us in trouble.
Decca: It wasn't her fault. Stupid policeman! He had no right to take her away. I reckon I'm goin' to get her back!
.....
Starpuss lay in her box-on-wheels in a store room at the back of the Woodside police station.
She floated gently in her slowly evaporating water.
It was hot in the store room.
She opened a sleepy grey eye.
The VeloDrone: Now, the plan is to keep towards the back, then ride a little faster at the end.
Le Bon David: I'm for that!
Surfing-With-Whales: That's not a plan!
The VeloDrone: It's far too hot to bother much today. You younger ones go on ahead.
Surfing-With-Whales: What do you reckon, Sweezo?
Sweezus: Let's go!
They surge forward......
Sweezus and Surfing-With-Whales are up near the front. The race has 20 kilometres to go. Someone falls! Crash! Oh no!
Three riders are injured. The rest of the peloton is held up.
Andre Greipel wins again, in a photo finish this time.
Sweezus and Surfing-With-Whales are elated. They've finished in the top twenty!
But what's this? The first ninety riders are all given the same time, because the crash was so close to the end.
Far out! This would never happen in surfing, said Surfing-With-Whales.
......
Team Crustacean was unhappy. They hadn't even made the first ninety.
Ageless: We need a new plan. It's too hard riding with strapped up legs.
Decca: No. We just need our old plan. We need Starpuss back. She brought us luck.
Karko: She didn't. She got us in trouble.
Decca: It wasn't her fault. Stupid policeman! He had no right to take her away. I reckon I'm goin' to get her back!
.....
Starpuss lay in her box-on-wheels in a store room at the back of the Woodside police station.
She floated gently in her slowly evaporating water.
It was hot in the store room.
She opened a sleepy grey eye.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Something Counter-Intuitive
You're late! said the Velodrone. It's all over.
How did we do? asked Surfing-With-Whales.
We? said The VeloDrone. We did passably. But no thanks to you. Sweezus came forty third. Where were you and Marie?
Oh, we got talking, said Surfing-With-Whales. That Marie is a HONEY!
Don't be too sure of that, said The VeloDrone.
.....
Next day was a rest day. Ageless came round to see Kobo.
What happened to you? she asked. You missed out on the race.
We lost Starpuss, said Ageless.
Oh dear, said Kobo. Did she fall out of her box?
No, said Ageless. A policeman took her into custody.
A policeman? Kobo seemed surprised.
Yes, a policeman, said Ageless. Ride Like Crazy turned out to be a charity event! The policeman said he'd take care of our gift till next Christmas. Then he stook Starpuss away.
No great loss, muttered Kobo.
........
In the evening Sweezus, Belle et Bonne and Le Bon David went to a free public talk on Cycling Psychology, at the Science Exchange.
On the way home they talked about what they had learned.
You know, said Belle et Bonne, I enjoyed that, but what did we learn?
I can't remember, said Sweezus. Something counter-intuitive.
Yes, that seemed important, said Le Bon David. What was it?
But the idea had vanished away.
How did we do? asked Surfing-With-Whales.
We? said The VeloDrone. We did passably. But no thanks to you. Sweezus came forty third. Where were you and Marie?
Oh, we got talking, said Surfing-With-Whales. That Marie is a HONEY!
Don't be too sure of that, said The VeloDrone.
.....
Next day was a rest day. Ageless came round to see Kobo.
What happened to you? she asked. You missed out on the race.
We lost Starpuss, said Ageless.
Oh dear, said Kobo. Did she fall out of her box?
No, said Ageless. A policeman took her into custody.
A policeman? Kobo seemed surprised.
Yes, a policeman, said Ageless. Ride Like Crazy turned out to be a charity event! The policeman said he'd take care of our gift till next Christmas. Then he stook Starpuss away.
No great loss, muttered Kobo.
........
In the evening Sweezus, Belle et Bonne and Le Bon David went to a free public talk on Cycling Psychology, at the Science Exchange.
On the way home they talked about what they had learned.
You know, said Belle et Bonne, I enjoyed that, but what did we learn?
I can't remember, said Sweezus. Something counter-intuitive.
Yes, that seemed important, said Le Bon David. What was it?
But the idea had vanished away.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Late Scratchings
Marie and Surfing-With-Whales rode up and down Willunga Hill three times.
Not bad for a girl! said Surfing-With Whales, as Marie passed him again.
I rode in the Tour Down Under last year, said Marie, slowing down.
In the women's, said Surfing-With-Whales.
In the men's, said Marie. I rode as a man. We had two Gymnosophers in the team, Angel and Gym Ten. Angel was nice. We would have won but for my uncle and Gym Ten. They were trying to elbow some riders so I stuck out my foot to trip them up. And we lost.
Wow! said Surfing-With-Whales.
........
Ageless, Karko and Decca were not sure about Riding Like Crazy. Why were there so many policemen? Why was nobody trying too hard?
The box-on-wheels was attracting attention.
Good on you! called someone from the roadside.
Go La Potenta! cried somebody else.
A group of children started chanting, Starpuss! Starpuss!
That's it. We're stopping, said Ageless.
They stopped.
A smiling lady came up and patted Decca on the back.
You boys, she said. Giving up your day for charity. That's so lovely.
What's this? said Ageless. What charity?
A policeman came over.
May I look in that box? he asked.
.......
The Tour Down Under Classic was due to start at seven pm. Marie and Surfing-With-Whales were late. Team Crustacean was nowhere in sight.
Not bad for a girl! said Surfing-With Whales, as Marie passed him again.
I rode in the Tour Down Under last year, said Marie, slowing down.
In the women's, said Surfing-With-Whales.
In the men's, said Marie. I rode as a man. We had two Gymnosophers in the team, Angel and Gym Ten. Angel was nice. We would have won but for my uncle and Gym Ten. They were trying to elbow some riders so I stuck out my foot to trip them up. And we lost.
Wow! said Surfing-With-Whales.
........
Ageless, Karko and Decca were not sure about Riding Like Crazy. Why were there so many policemen? Why was nobody trying too hard?
The box-on-wheels was attracting attention.
Good on you! called someone from the roadside.
Go La Potenta! cried somebody else.
A group of children started chanting, Starpuss! Starpuss!
That's it. We're stopping, said Ageless.
They stopped.
A smiling lady came up and patted Decca on the back.
You boys, she said. Giving up your day for charity. That's so lovely.
What's this? said Ageless. What charity?
A policeman came over.
May I look in that box? he asked.
.......
The Tour Down Under Classic was due to start at seven pm. Marie and Surfing-With-Whales were late. Team Crustacean was nowhere in sight.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Ride Like Crazy
It was the first day of the Tour Down Under. But the Classic Down Under Street Circuit didn't start till seven pm. What to do all day?
Kobo had enrolled Team Crustacean in the Ride Like Crazy.
It will be a good warm up, she said.
But what is it? asked Ageless.
Oh, she said vaguely, it's a ride in the hills. Be in Unley at seven am.
......
Team Philosophe were debating how best to spend the day.
There's the Ride like Crazy, said Sweezus. It's a ride in the hills. It'll be a good warmup.
Sounds cool, said Surfing-With-Whales.
I don't advise it, said Belle et Bonne.
Why not? asked Sweezus.
It's run by the police, for charity, said Belle et Bonne. It's not for the hard men, like you.
Hard men like us, said The VeloDrone. Very good, Belle et Bonne. We ought to steer clear of the police.
Yes, said Le Bon David. We must get serious this morning. I suggest we ride down into Norwood, get a coffee, then make our way down to the beach. We could ride along the foreshore to Henley Square, have a spot of lunch.......
Geeeez! said Surfing-With-Whales.
What? said Sweezus.
I'm going to head out to Willunga, and ride up and down that freaking big hill until I have to bail out, said Surfing-With-Whales. Who's coming?
There was a ten second silence.
I'm coming, said Marie. You deserve it.
Belle et Bonne tried to keep a straight face.
Kobo had enrolled Team Crustacean in the Ride Like Crazy.
It will be a good warm up, she said.
But what is it? asked Ageless.
Oh, she said vaguely, it's a ride in the hills. Be in Unley at seven am.
......
Team Philosophe were debating how best to spend the day.
There's the Ride like Crazy, said Sweezus. It's a ride in the hills. It'll be a good warmup.
Sounds cool, said Surfing-With-Whales.
I don't advise it, said Belle et Bonne.
Why not? asked Sweezus.
It's run by the police, for charity, said Belle et Bonne. It's not for the hard men, like you.
Hard men like us, said The VeloDrone. Very good, Belle et Bonne. We ought to steer clear of the police.
Yes, said Le Bon David. We must get serious this morning. I suggest we ride down into Norwood, get a coffee, then make our way down to the beach. We could ride along the foreshore to Henley Square, have a spot of lunch.......
Geeeez! said Surfing-With-Whales.
What? said Sweezus.
I'm going to head out to Willunga, and ride up and down that freaking big hill until I have to bail out, said Surfing-With-Whales. Who's coming?
There was a ten second silence.
I'm coming, said Marie. You deserve it.
Belle et Bonne tried to keep a straight face.
Friday, January 13, 2012
Honeys Like That
I suppose you know how to beat crabs? asked The VeloDrone.
Crabs! said Surfing-With-Whales. Dude, I'm your man.
You're in, then, said The Velodrone. Now I suppose we ought to do a bit of practice. The Down Under Classic starts tomorrow evening at seven.
Good heavens! said Le Bon David. Is it really? I wonder where my bicycle is? I really must check my tyres.
Hey! said Surfing-With-Whales. What kind of team is this?
Don't you worry, said The VeloDrone. We usually do pretty well. It's the triumph of philosophy over brute strength.
You mean the triumph of cheating, said Sweezus. And it didn't work last year. Gaius got busted for drugs.
Awesome! said Surfing-With-Whales.
Poor Gaius, said Belle et Bonne. It wasn't his fault.
Okay, said Sweezus. That's cool. But we have to have some kind of race plan. Team Crustacean is the team to beat this year. Everyone's talking about Starpuss.
Yeah! said Surfing-With-Whales. I heard the Italians from Team Lampre earlier talking about La Potenta. That's what they're calling the Starpuss. The Powerful One.
The Powerful Female One, said Belle et Bonne. Otherwise it would be Il Potente.
Whatever, said Surfing-With-Whales. I'll soon put a spoke in her wheels.
You know she's not riding? said Marie. She's being dragged behind Decca in a box-on-wheels. No one's sure if she's living or dead. But she twitches a lot. And has powerful legs. It's enough to put the wind up everyone.
Not me, said Surfing-With-Whales. I know heaps of honeys like that.
Marie looked at Belle et Bonne.
Belle et Bonne looked at Sweezus.
Sweezus looked at the floor.
Crabs! said Surfing-With-Whales. Dude, I'm your man.
You're in, then, said The Velodrone. Now I suppose we ought to do a bit of practice. The Down Under Classic starts tomorrow evening at seven.
Good heavens! said Le Bon David. Is it really? I wonder where my bicycle is? I really must check my tyres.
Hey! said Surfing-With-Whales. What kind of team is this?
Don't you worry, said The VeloDrone. We usually do pretty well. It's the triumph of philosophy over brute strength.
You mean the triumph of cheating, said Sweezus. And it didn't work last year. Gaius got busted for drugs.
Awesome! said Surfing-With-Whales.
Poor Gaius, said Belle et Bonne. It wasn't his fault.
Okay, said Sweezus. That's cool. But we have to have some kind of race plan. Team Crustacean is the team to beat this year. Everyone's talking about Starpuss.
Yeah! said Surfing-With-Whales. I heard the Italians from Team Lampre earlier talking about La Potenta. That's what they're calling the Starpuss. The Powerful One.
The Powerful Female One, said Belle et Bonne. Otherwise it would be Il Potente.
Whatever, said Surfing-With-Whales. I'll soon put a spoke in her wheels.
You know she's not riding? said Marie. She's being dragged behind Decca in a box-on-wheels. No one's sure if she's living or dead. But she twitches a lot. And has powerful legs. It's enough to put the wind up everyone.
Not me, said Surfing-With-Whales. I know heaps of honeys like that.
Marie looked at Belle et Bonne.
Belle et Bonne looked at Sweezus.
Sweezus looked at the floor.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
How to Beat Crabs
Surfing-With-Whales! said The VeloDrone. What kind of a name is that?
He's going to start up a business, said Sweezus. Surfing with whales at Middleton.
Ridiculous! scoffed The VeloDrone. Everyone knows whales don't surf.
They sometimes come in on the tide, said Sweezus.
When they're dead, said the VeloDrone. Or beaching. That's a bad kind of business.
Don't be so sure, said Le Bon David. People love to save whales.
It's nothing to do with saving whales, said Sweezus. This is how it works. You pay to go surfing with Surfing-With-Whales. He takes you way out to where the whales are. Then you surf in.
Without the whales? said Marie. That's misleading.
No, it isn't, said Sweezus. I'll call him and get him to come in and meet you. You'll see he's a really nice guy.
He called Surfing-With-Whales, who was not far away. Ten minutes later there was a rap on the door.
Hi all! said Surfing-With-Whales.
You must be Surfing-With-Whales! said Belle et Bonne.
Not at the moment, said Surfing-with-Whales. I'm in town on my bike.
Oh well said! laughed Le Bon David. Very funny! Do come in! I'm David, this is Vello, Marie, and Belle et Bonne. And Sweezus you already know.
Yeah, said Surfing-With-Whales. He told me you need a fourth rider. I'm your man.
Wait, said The Velodrone. We have two requirements. One is that you can ride a bike. The other is that you must be a philosopher. What do you say?
Dude! said Surfing-With-Whales. Did you ever meet a surfer that wasn't?
Yes, said The VeloDrone. I'm afraid you'll have to do better than that.
Papa, whispered Belle et Bonne. Don't be so picky. Surfing-With-Whales could be our secret weapon. At the very least he'll know how to beat crabs.
He's going to start up a business, said Sweezus. Surfing with whales at Middleton.
Ridiculous! scoffed The VeloDrone. Everyone knows whales don't surf.
They sometimes come in on the tide, said Sweezus.
When they're dead, said the VeloDrone. Or beaching. That's a bad kind of business.
Don't be so sure, said Le Bon David. People love to save whales.
It's nothing to do with saving whales, said Sweezus. This is how it works. You pay to go surfing with Surfing-With-Whales. He takes you way out to where the whales are. Then you surf in.
Without the whales? said Marie. That's misleading.
No, it isn't, said Sweezus. I'll call him and get him to come in and meet you. You'll see he's a really nice guy.
He called Surfing-With-Whales, who was not far away. Ten minutes later there was a rap on the door.
Hi all! said Surfing-With-Whales.
You must be Surfing-With-Whales! said Belle et Bonne.
Not at the moment, said Surfing-with-Whales. I'm in town on my bike.
Oh well said! laughed Le Bon David. Very funny! Do come in! I'm David, this is Vello, Marie, and Belle et Bonne. And Sweezus you already know.
Yeah, said Surfing-With-Whales. He told me you need a fourth rider. I'm your man.
Wait, said The Velodrone. We have two requirements. One is that you can ride a bike. The other is that you must be a philosopher. What do you say?
Dude! said Surfing-With-Whales. Did you ever meet a surfer that wasn't?
Yes, said The VeloDrone. I'm afraid you'll have to do better than that.
Papa, whispered Belle et Bonne. Don't be so picky. Surfing-With-Whales could be our secret weapon. At the very least he'll know how to beat crabs.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Surfing-with-Whales
The talk of the town? said The VeloDrone. What do you mean?
All the teams are talking about her, said Le Bon David. Why just now on North Terrace when Team Ag2r La Mondiale rode past me I overheard one of them saying, Oui, La Starpuss, elle est formidable!
This is bad, said The Velodrone. Very bad. Obviously Starpuss can't really be dead.
Yes, agreed Le Bon David. It's not good. And just when we're missing one of our best riders. Farky would have given Starpuss a run for her money.
Poor Farky, said Belle et Bonne. But you've still got Sweezus.
Yes, said Marie. Sweezus has been practising hard.
But he isn't reliable, said The VeloDrone. He sometimes goes off on his own.
Who isn't reliable? said Sweezus, putting his head round the door.
You, said The VeloDrone. Remember the Tour de France? You stopped off for a swim.
I'm more focussed this time, said Sweezus. And Belle et Bonne and Marie will be here.
Oh Sweezie, you're so sweet, said Belle et Bonne. Would you like a macaron? I've got red ones.
No thanks Belle, said Sweezus, I'm training. I'll have a banana.
Have you heard about Starpuss? asked Marie.
The secret weapon that twitches? said Sweezus. You bet. But I've got some good news. We've got a fourth rider!
With how many legs? asked The VeloDrone.
Ha ha, said Sweezus. Just two. Remember that surfer I met at Victor Harbor? The one who gave me these shorts?
We never met him, said The VeloDrone. But he has bad taste in shorts.
Well he's an awesome bike rider, said Sweezus. And he's agreed to ride with Team Philosophe.
What's his name? asked Le Bon David.
Bob, said Sweezus. But don't call him that. He calls himself Surfing-with-Whales.
All the teams are talking about her, said Le Bon David. Why just now on North Terrace when Team Ag2r La Mondiale rode past me I overheard one of them saying, Oui, La Starpuss, elle est formidable!
This is bad, said The Velodrone. Very bad. Obviously Starpuss can't really be dead.
Yes, agreed Le Bon David. It's not good. And just when we're missing one of our best riders. Farky would have given Starpuss a run for her money.
Poor Farky, said Belle et Bonne. But you've still got Sweezus.
Yes, said Marie. Sweezus has been practising hard.
But he isn't reliable, said The VeloDrone. He sometimes goes off on his own.
Who isn't reliable? said Sweezus, putting his head round the door.
You, said The VeloDrone. Remember the Tour de France? You stopped off for a swim.
I'm more focussed this time, said Sweezus. And Belle et Bonne and Marie will be here.
Oh Sweezie, you're so sweet, said Belle et Bonne. Would you like a macaron? I've got red ones.
No thanks Belle, said Sweezus, I'm training. I'll have a banana.
Have you heard about Starpuss? asked Marie.
The secret weapon that twitches? said Sweezus. You bet. But I've got some good news. We've got a fourth rider!
With how many legs? asked The VeloDrone.
Ha ha, said Sweezus. Just two. Remember that surfer I met at Victor Harbor? The one who gave me these shorts?
We never met him, said The VeloDrone. But he has bad taste in shorts.
Well he's an awesome bike rider, said Sweezus. And he's agreed to ride with Team Philosophe.
What's his name? asked Le Bon David.
Bob, said Sweezus. But don't call him that. He calls himself Surfing-with-Whales.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
The Talk of the Town
Someone else was paying attention to Starpuss. Belle et Bonne was having coffee and a San Pellegrino at the next table. She leaned over and looked into the box-on-wheels. So this was Team Crustacean's secret weapon, not their legs. She finished her coffee and made her way back to the office.
The VeloDrone and Marie were busy looking through the mail.
Hello you two, said Belle et Bonne. You'll never guess what I just saw.
Hello Belle, said Marie. What did you see?
Team Crustacean having coffee in Norwood, said Belle et Bonne. It seems they have a new rider.
Not another crab! said The Velodrone.
No, it's not another crab, said Belle et Bonne. And it isn't a lobster. It isn't even a crustacean.
What is it? said The VeloDrone. Let me guess, it's a jellyfish.
You wish, said Marie.
Yes, you wish, said Belle et Bonne. It's a starfish with powerful legs. She's called Starpuss. And guess what else I heard. Team Crustacean isn't disqualified. They've just got to ride with their legs strapped together. And they say this will give them an advantage.
Oh bugger! said The Velodrone. I wish we hadn't dobbed them in.
I told you it would end badly, said Marie. But what about this Starpuss? Does she have to ride with her legs strapped together? I simply can't picture it working.
No, said Belle et Bonne. She's not riding. She's meant to be dead.
Nothing to worry about then, said The Velodrone.
But I saw her twitch, said Belle et Bonne.
Who twitched? asked Le Bon David, coming in through the door.
The Starpuss creature, said The VeloDrone. You won't have heard about her.
Oh won't I? said Le Bon David. You're wrong there. Why, it seems she's the talk of the town!
The VeloDrone and Marie were busy looking through the mail.
Hello you two, said Belle et Bonne. You'll never guess what I just saw.
Hello Belle, said Marie. What did you see?
Team Crustacean having coffee in Norwood, said Belle et Bonne. It seems they have a new rider.
Not another crab! said The Velodrone.
No, it's not another crab, said Belle et Bonne. And it isn't a lobster. It isn't even a crustacean.
What is it? said The VeloDrone. Let me guess, it's a jellyfish.
You wish, said Marie.
Yes, you wish, said Belle et Bonne. It's a starfish with powerful legs. She's called Starpuss. And guess what else I heard. Team Crustacean isn't disqualified. They've just got to ride with their legs strapped together. And they say this will give them an advantage.
Oh bugger! said The Velodrone. I wish we hadn't dobbed them in.
I told you it would end badly, said Marie. But what about this Starpuss? Does she have to ride with her legs strapped together? I simply can't picture it working.
No, said Belle et Bonne. She's not riding. She's meant to be dead.
Nothing to worry about then, said The Velodrone.
But I saw her twitch, said Belle et Bonne.
Who twitched? asked Le Bon David, coming in through the door.
The Starpuss creature, said The VeloDrone. You won't have heard about her.
Oh won't I? said Le Bon David. You're wrong there. Why, it seems she's the talk of the town!
Monday, January 9, 2012
Just One Twitch
Ageless, Karko, Decca and Starpuss were sitting outside a cafe in Norwood, when Kobo caught up with them.
I've just heard back from the committee, she said. It's good news and bad news.
Spill the beans then, my dearest, said Ageless. We'll have the good news first.
You won't be disqualified, said Kobo. Team Crustacean can ride in the Tour Down Under.
Super! said Decca. Does that include Starpuss?
Yes and no, said Kobo. She can be in the team, but she can't ride a bike.
That's funny, said Decca. How did they know?
Is that all? asked Ageless. Or was there some other bad news?
There was some other news you might think of as bad, said Kobo.
What is it? asked Ageless.
You must strap up your legs, said Kobo, so you have neither an advantage nor a disadvantage.
Karko burst out laughing.
What's so funny? asked Kobo.
That's a mega-advantage, said Karko. Imagine the strength we'll have then.
Oh, said Kobo, trying not to look too disappointed.
She looked across at Starpuss, who was resting in a box-on-wheels, staring blankly up at the sky.
Kobo moved the box slightly and sat down in a chair.
Coffee, beloved? asked Ageless.
Skinny latte, decaf, thanks dearest, said Kobo.
One of Starpuss' legs gave a twitch.
They all stared at Starpuss. But she didn't twitch twice.
I've just heard back from the committee, she said. It's good news and bad news.
Spill the beans then, my dearest, said Ageless. We'll have the good news first.
You won't be disqualified, said Kobo. Team Crustacean can ride in the Tour Down Under.
Super! said Decca. Does that include Starpuss?
Yes and no, said Kobo. She can be in the team, but she can't ride a bike.
That's funny, said Decca. How did they know?
Is that all? asked Ageless. Or was there some other bad news?
There was some other news you might think of as bad, said Kobo.
What is it? asked Ageless.
You must strap up your legs, said Kobo, so you have neither an advantage nor a disadvantage.
Karko burst out laughing.
What's so funny? asked Kobo.
That's a mega-advantage, said Karko. Imagine the strength we'll have then.
Oh, said Kobo, trying not to look too disappointed.
She looked across at Starpuss, who was resting in a box-on-wheels, staring blankly up at the sky.
Kobo moved the box slightly and sat down in a chair.
Coffee, beloved? asked Ageless.
Skinny latte, decaf, thanks dearest, said Kobo.
One of Starpuss' legs gave a twitch.
They all stared at Starpuss. But she didn't twitch twice.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Spanner in the Works
Kobo was none too pleased that Starpuss was going to be in the team. However, she had promised to put the case for Team Crustacean to the Tour Down Under Committee, in writing.
dear tour down under commmmittee ( she wrote)
teammm crustacean would like to point out that last year teammm philosophe had a FOUR LEGGED rider who was a DOG nammed farky and he didn't do too well and had to have mmany knee reconstructions indeed he has not yet fully recovered
this proves that extra legs are no advantage whatsoever if anything they are a liability
in light of this teamm crustacean undertakes that each mmember will strap his extra legs together in order to conformmm to regulations
we trust this mmmeans we will not be prevented from riding in the tour down under
yours sincerely teamm crustacean
ps as we have a dead mmemmber in the teamm as well we hope for your goodwill and trust there will not be a further problemmmm she has seven legs but cannot use themmmm so it should not be a problemmmm
Haha! said Kobo to herself, when she had finished writing. See how everyone likes THAT!
dear tour down under commmmittee ( she wrote)
teammm crustacean would like to point out that last year teammm philosophe had a FOUR LEGGED rider who was a DOG nammed farky and he didn't do too well and had to have mmany knee reconstructions indeed he has not yet fully recovered
this proves that extra legs are no advantage whatsoever if anything they are a liability
in light of this teamm crustacean undertakes that each mmember will strap his extra legs together in order to conformmm to regulations
we trust this mmmeans we will not be prevented from riding in the tour down under
yours sincerely teamm crustacean
ps as we have a dead mmemmber in the teamm as well we hope for your goodwill and trust there will not be a further problemmmm she has seven legs but cannot use themmmm so it should not be a problemmmm
Haha! said Kobo to herself, when she had finished writing. See how everyone likes THAT!
Saturday, January 7, 2012
That Changes Everything
Disqualified! cried Ageless. On what grounds?
Number of legs, said Kobo.
Of legs? echoed Ageless, aghast.
You have extras, said Kobo. They're claiming you have an advantage.
Decca and Karko snorted in unison.
Bullshit, said Karko.
Too right, said Decca. It's harder the more legs you have.
Then you have a case, said Kobo. But you need to get something in writing, and send it to the committee.
In writing? said Ageless. We haven't got time. We've got to start training. Will you do it, beloved?
Alright, my darling, said Kobo. As long as you promise me something.
Anything my angel, said Ageless.
Stay away from that dead floating girlfriend. You're going to get germs.
Karko was offended.
She hasn't got germs, he said. What would you know?
What would I know? said Kobo. Better than you obviously.
Woo-aah! said Decca rudely. You don't know about Starpuss. Anyway, she's in our team!
Ageless and Karko looked surprised.
Is she? said Kobo. Well! That changes everything!
Number of legs, said Kobo.
Of legs? echoed Ageless, aghast.
You have extras, said Kobo. They're claiming you have an advantage.
Decca and Karko snorted in unison.
Bullshit, said Karko.
Too right, said Decca. It's harder the more legs you have.
Then you have a case, said Kobo. But you need to get something in writing, and send it to the committee.
In writing? said Ageless. We haven't got time. We've got to start training. Will you do it, beloved?
Alright, my darling, said Kobo. As long as you promise me something.
Anything my angel, said Ageless.
Stay away from that dead floating girlfriend. You're going to get germs.
Karko was offended.
She hasn't got germs, he said. What would you know?
What would I know? said Kobo. Better than you obviously.
Woo-aah! said Decca rudely. You don't know about Starpuss. Anyway, she's in our team!
Ageless and Karko looked surprised.
Is she? said Kobo. Well! That changes everything!
Friday, January 6, 2012
A Difficult Finish
Leave her alone, said Decca. She's not riding.
That's right, said Karko. She's not. But we are. When is this Tour Down Under?
Next weekend, said Ageless. We'd better get practising.
And where is it? asked Decca.
Ageless wasn't sure.
Somewhere down south, he said vaguely.
Starpuss pushed up against one of his legs in a manner suggestive of life.
Are you dead or aren't you? said Ageless.
Starpuss floated away.
Suddenly Ageless became aware that someone was calling him from the edge of the sand.
He turned round. It was Kobo!
Kobo! he cried. You came!
Yes I did, said Kobo, and it took me FOREVER. Who are these?
Karko and Decca, said Ageless. My friends.
And? said Kobo, looking at Starpuss.
Their dead girlfriend, said Ageless. She's just leaving.
Dead? said Kobo. But you said she was leaving.
Starpuss undulated gently towards the shore.
Excuse me, said Kobo, agitating the water.
Leave our girlfriend alone, said Karko.
Starpuss floated away.
Ageless, said Kobo, Baby Pierre and Lavender went home last night. They watched the news. Most of the riders are already here practising. The race ends at the top of Willunga Hill. It's the first time it's been such a difficult finish. And....I don't know how to say this....but...
What, my beloved? asked Ageless.
Oh dear, said Kobo. Team Philosophe is determined to get you disqualified!
That's right, said Karko. She's not. But we are. When is this Tour Down Under?
Next weekend, said Ageless. We'd better get practising.
And where is it? asked Decca.
Ageless wasn't sure.
Somewhere down south, he said vaguely.
Starpuss pushed up against one of his legs in a manner suggestive of life.
Are you dead or aren't you? said Ageless.
Starpuss floated away.
Suddenly Ageless became aware that someone was calling him from the edge of the sand.
He turned round. It was Kobo!
Kobo! he cried. You came!
Yes I did, said Kobo, and it took me FOREVER. Who are these?
Karko and Decca, said Ageless. My friends.
And? said Kobo, looking at Starpuss.
Their dead girlfriend, said Ageless. She's just leaving.
Dead? said Kobo. But you said she was leaving.
Starpuss undulated gently towards the shore.
Excuse me, said Kobo, agitating the water.
Leave our girlfriend alone, said Karko.
Starpuss floated away.
Ageless, said Kobo, Baby Pierre and Lavender went home last night. They watched the news. Most of the riders are already here practising. The race ends at the top of Willunga Hill. It's the first time it's been such a difficult finish. And....I don't know how to say this....but...
What, my beloved? asked Ageless.
Oh dear, said Kobo. Team Philosophe is determined to get you disqualified!
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Winking, if that was an eye
Galvani? said Karko. Course we have. Electrical currents. Frogs legs twitching and that.
You're not doing that to our girlfriend, said Decca.
Why not, said Ageless. We should make use of those legs.
It's not right, said Decca. That's all.
And it wouldn't work, added Karko. You never were any good at science. Say we made her legs twitch...
No, don't say it! said Decca, wincing.
But just say we did, said Karko. Starpuss is propped up on a bicycle, attached to it somehow with string. Her legs, sticking out of an ill-fitting carapace, are stimulated by electrical currents. They twitch. Does that make them press on the pedals? Does that make the wheels go round? No, Ageless you're being a dickhead.
At least I'm trying to think of a plan, said Ageless huffily.
There was an uncomfortable silence. Starpuss moved gently to and fro under the water. Could she really be dead? She drifted closer to Ageless.
She rubbed up against his leg. She was winking. If that was an eye.
You're not doing that to our girlfriend, said Decca.
Why not, said Ageless. We should make use of those legs.
It's not right, said Decca. That's all.
And it wouldn't work, added Karko. You never were any good at science. Say we made her legs twitch...
No, don't say it! said Decca, wincing.
But just say we did, said Karko. Starpuss is propped up on a bicycle, attached to it somehow with string. Her legs, sticking out of an ill-fitting carapace, are stimulated by electrical currents. They twitch. Does that make them press on the pedals? Does that make the wheels go round? No, Ageless you're being a dickhead.
At least I'm trying to think of a plan, said Ageless huffily.
There was an uncomfortable silence. Starpuss moved gently to and fro under the water. Could she really be dead? She drifted closer to Ageless.
She rubbed up against his leg. She was winking. If that was an eye.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Crap On The Road
What's your idea? asked Decca, grinning. Change the name to Team Seafood?
Mate! said Karko. That's not funny!
No, agreed Ageless. That's not funny. Starpuss does not qualify as seafood. But I do have an idea.
Spit it out, mate, said Decca.
She doesn't LOOK dead, said Ageless, nudging the gently undulating body of Starpuss.
I know, said Decca. She just floats down there, doesn't decompose or anything. Sometimes she nods.
She nods? said Ageless. I knew it. Wait on! How does she nod?
Well, she looks kind of agreeable, said Decca, changing his tune. As if she's not dead.
Exactly! said Ageless. We can make use of that.
Phew! said Karko admiringly. You mean she could be in the team?
I'm just thinking, said Ageless. Those legs. They look strong.
They were strong, agreed Karko. She was our girlfriend, he added.
Aha, said Ageless, thinking guiltily about Kobo, and how he had left her at Brighton.
I have a girlfriend, he said. She's a fossilised clam, and she doesn't have legs.
Bad luck, said Karko.
It's alright, said Ageless. She has wonderful lips.
Decca looked uncomfortable at the thought of Kobo's wonderful lips.
Yeah, he said, but what about Starpuss?
We put her inside a carapace, with her legs sticking out, said Ageless. See how she moves then.
She'd be fine under water, said Decca, but crap on the road.
Not necessarily, said Ageless. You boys heard of Galvani?
Mate! said Karko. That's not funny!
No, agreed Ageless. That's not funny. Starpuss does not qualify as seafood. But I do have an idea.
Spit it out, mate, said Decca.
She doesn't LOOK dead, said Ageless, nudging the gently undulating body of Starpuss.
I know, said Decca. She just floats down there, doesn't decompose or anything. Sometimes she nods.
She nods? said Ageless. I knew it. Wait on! How does she nod?
Well, she looks kind of agreeable, said Decca, changing his tune. As if she's not dead.
Exactly! said Ageless. We can make use of that.
Phew! said Karko admiringly. You mean she could be in the team?
I'm just thinking, said Ageless. Those legs. They look strong.
They were strong, agreed Karko. She was our girlfriend, he added.
Aha, said Ageless, thinking guiltily about Kobo, and how he had left her at Brighton.
I have a girlfriend, he said. She's a fossilised clam, and she doesn't have legs.
Bad luck, said Karko.
It's alright, said Ageless. She has wonderful lips.
Decca looked uncomfortable at the thought of Kobo's wonderful lips.
Yeah, he said, but what about Starpuss?
We put her inside a carapace, with her legs sticking out, said Ageless. See how she moves then.
She'd be fine under water, said Decca, but crap on the road.
Not necessarily, said Ageless. You boys heard of Galvani?
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
A Pompeiian Mosaic
The others, said Karko, are the jellies, and Starpuss.
Do they ride? asked Ageless.
Nah, said Karko.
Prrp! said Decca. As if.
Jellyfish, said Karko, do not have legs. Jellyfish, therefore, can only watch and admire.
Fair enough, agreed Ageless. But what about Starpuss?
Oh, Starpuss, said Karko. Why don't you come over and meet her.
They proceeded several metres to the south, in the sun-dappled shallows.
There she is! said Karko, pointing to a creature floating low in the water close to the sand. There's Starpuss!
Ageless peered at Starpuss. What fat curly legs she had! How powerful they looked. He counted. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. So Starpuss wasn't an octopus. But she didn't quite look like a starfish either.
Good morning, Starpuss, said Ageless. How nice to meet you.
Decca exploded with mirth.
She can't HEAR you, you idiot, he spluttered, clutching his carapace.
Why not? asked Ageless, offended.
She's dead, explained Karko. Been dead for ages. Mate, can't you tell?
Ageless looked closer at Starpuss. She was so beautiful, brown and beige, like a Pompeiian mosaic. Was she dead? How unfortunate. She would have been the strongest of cyclists, with those wonderful legs.
Drat! he said. She would have made a valuable addition to Team Crustacean.
I don't think so, said Karko. She's not a crustacean.
True, said Ageless. But that gives me an idea.
Do they ride? asked Ageless.
Nah, said Karko.
Prrp! said Decca. As if.
Jellyfish, said Karko, do not have legs. Jellyfish, therefore, can only watch and admire.
Fair enough, agreed Ageless. But what about Starpuss?
Oh, Starpuss, said Karko. Why don't you come over and meet her.
They proceeded several metres to the south, in the sun-dappled shallows.
There she is! said Karko, pointing to a creature floating low in the water close to the sand. There's Starpuss!
Ageless peered at Starpuss. What fat curly legs she had! How powerful they looked. He counted. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. So Starpuss wasn't an octopus. But she didn't quite look like a starfish either.
Good morning, Starpuss, said Ageless. How nice to meet you.
Decca exploded with mirth.
She can't HEAR you, you idiot, he spluttered, clutching his carapace.
Why not? asked Ageless, offended.
She's dead, explained Karko. Been dead for ages. Mate, can't you tell?
Ageless looked closer at Starpuss. She was so beautiful, brown and beige, like a Pompeiian mosaic. Was she dead? How unfortunate. She would have been the strongest of cyclists, with those wonderful legs.
Drat! he said. She would have made a valuable addition to Team Crustacean.
I don't think so, said Karko. She's not a crustacean.
True, said Ageless. But that gives me an idea.
Monday, January 2, 2012
Posh
By next morning Ageless had reached Semaphore. It was the first day of the new year, and a hot one. Ageless went down to the water to dip in his toes.
It was nice in the water, with the transparent jellybean jellyfish, sand-coloured fish and long floating hairy sacs of nothing in particular. Ageless sighed with satisfaction and allowed himself to dream.
In the dream he was leading the Tour Down Under, with Karkinos and Decapod coming second and third. Their legs were pumping like pistons. The crowd cheered. Ageless! Ageless!
He awoke from his reverie. He could still hear the crowd chanting his name. But no. It was just a single voice.
Ageless! said Karkinos. Well, bugger me!
Karko! cried Ageless. Long time no see, my old friend! How's maritime life treating you?
Oh you know, said Karkinos. We muddle along. Decapod's just over there. Hey! Decca! Come here!
Decca sidled over.
Ageless! he said. Mate! What're you doing in this neck of the woods?
Looking for you two, said Ageless. Do you still remember how to ride a bike?
Mmm. Haven't done it since we moved down the coast, said Decca. Why're you asking?
I have a dream, said Ageless grandly. A dream of winning the Tour Down Under. And I need a team. Are you interested?
Yeah, said Karko. I'll give it a go.
Me too, said Decca. What's the name of our team?
Team Crustacean, said Ageless.
Posh! said Karko. Wait till I tell the others.
What others? asked Ageless.
It was nice in the water, with the transparent jellybean jellyfish, sand-coloured fish and long floating hairy sacs of nothing in particular. Ageless sighed with satisfaction and allowed himself to dream.
In the dream he was leading the Tour Down Under, with Karkinos and Decapod coming second and third. Their legs were pumping like pistons. The crowd cheered. Ageless! Ageless!
He awoke from his reverie. He could still hear the crowd chanting his name. But no. It was just a single voice.
Ageless! said Karkinos. Well, bugger me!
Karko! cried Ageless. Long time no see, my old friend! How's maritime life treating you?
Oh you know, said Karkinos. We muddle along. Decapod's just over there. Hey! Decca! Come here!
Decca sidled over.
Ageless! he said. Mate! What're you doing in this neck of the woods?
Looking for you two, said Ageless. Do you still remember how to ride a bike?
Mmm. Haven't done it since we moved down the coast, said Decca. Why're you asking?
I have a dream, said Ageless grandly. A dream of winning the Tour Down Under. And I need a team. Are you interested?
Yeah, said Karko. I'll give it a go.
Me too, said Decca. What's the name of our team?
Team Crustacean, said Ageless.
Posh! said Karko. Wait till I tell the others.
What others? asked Ageless.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
A Training Regime
The fireworks were beautiful. Kobo had never seen anything like them. There were peonies, chrysanthemums and palms, crossettes and little boys haircuts, spiders and rains. They were red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple and silver. They rose high into the night sky with crackles and bangs, then floated gently and silently down into the sea.
It was over. The crowd clapped and cheered and began picking up their things to go home.
Did you like that, my darling? asked Ageless.
Yes, answered Kobo. Thank you Ageless my sweetheart, for giving me the gift of vision even though the eyes are not as good as I had expected. Vision can be disappointing, but those fireworks were a source of pleasure and delight to me just now.
Vision disappointing? said Ageless, flexing his brand new lycra-covered appendages. Ha ha! I trust you don't mean me?
Kobo had meant him, and was instantly sorry.
Let us run on the beach, she suggested.
Yes let's! cried Lavender. We can all hold hands!
No, said Ageless. I shall have to give it a miss. I must keep to my training regime.
Surely running would be good for your training regime, said Baby Pierre.
Err.... no, said Ageless. My training regime involves finding some team members, first of all. I'm off. Bye bye. If you like, I'll see you all at Semaphore tomorrow. There are a couple of crabs that I'm hoping to catch up with. Karkinos and Decapod. We used to ride to school together, years ago.
And he shuffled away down the esplanade in a northerly direction.
So much for my date, said Kobo.
Good riddance! said Lavender. Now Baby Pierre. You can wait here. Kobo and me are going to run along the beach holding hands.
No you're not, said Baby Pierre. The tide's coming in.
It was over. The crowd clapped and cheered and began picking up their things to go home.
Did you like that, my darling? asked Ageless.
Yes, answered Kobo. Thank you Ageless my sweetheart, for giving me the gift of vision even though the eyes are not as good as I had expected. Vision can be disappointing, but those fireworks were a source of pleasure and delight to me just now.
Vision disappointing? said Ageless, flexing his brand new lycra-covered appendages. Ha ha! I trust you don't mean me?
Kobo had meant him, and was instantly sorry.
Let us run on the beach, she suggested.
Yes let's! cried Lavender. We can all hold hands!
No, said Ageless. I shall have to give it a miss. I must keep to my training regime.
Surely running would be good for your training regime, said Baby Pierre.
Err.... no, said Ageless. My training regime involves finding some team members, first of all. I'm off. Bye bye. If you like, I'll see you all at Semaphore tomorrow. There are a couple of crabs that I'm hoping to catch up with. Karkinos and Decapod. We used to ride to school together, years ago.
And he shuffled away down the esplanade in a northerly direction.
So much for my date, said Kobo.
Good riddance! said Lavender. Now Baby Pierre. You can wait here. Kobo and me are going to run along the beach holding hands.
No you're not, said Baby Pierre. The tide's coming in.
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