What Else Am I Not?

Arthur returns to the bunkhouse to pick up more snacks.

David is eating banana chips.

These taste like plastic, says David.

Do you eat much plastic? asks Arthur.

Very funny, says David. Did you find a wetapunga?

Not yet, says Arthur. Gaius is still out there looking.

He won't give up, says David. 

It's a cricket, says Arthur. 

You don't say, says David. It sounds more like a large mammal.

It probably sounds like a cricket, says Arthur. Did you find a blue penguin?

No, says David. I gazed at the sea. It was calming. I came up with an empirical problem.

Lack of snacks? says Arthur.

A mathematical one, says David. Involving whole numbers.

I'm off, says Arthur. To look for my shoes. If I see a blue penguin I'll tell you.

You do that, says David. I think I'll go and find Gaius. Which way did he go?

That way, says Arthur, pointing. Take your whistle.

They go their own ways.

Gaius is poking about in the low vegetation. He has heard a high pitched sound, produced (he supposes) by a stridulatory apparatus.

The sound has stopped, as these sounds do when someone approaches.

A rustle of leaves. Gaius speaks softly.

Don't go. I'm a natural historian. 

And not what? asks the wetapunga.

This is promising. Although the question is rather broad based.

Not a predator, says Gaius. Not a ranger. Not a person who wants to tag you or put you in a cage.

And what else? asks the wetapunga.

Am I not? asks Gaius.

Pardon? asks the wetapunga. Oh. Yes. What else are you not?

A woman, says Gaius.

Good answer, says the wetapunga.  I'm not one either.

I assume you're a male wetapunga, says Gaius.

Indeed, says the male wetapunga. I go stalking at night. Is that what you do?

I was intending to go out at night, says Gaius. To look for the kakapo.

Women, says the wetapunga. That's what I look for.

How interesting, says Gaius. And when you find one?

I stay twenty five centimetres back, says the wetapunga. Follow her. Then I move. No courtship ritual, or anything.

And how do they like it? asks Gaius. No, forget I asked that question.

They like it, says the wetapunga. Anything else I can answer? 

Many things, no doubt, says Gaius. But I was really looking for you on behalf of a friend. May I take a photo? Better still, a brief video?

The wetapunga tunes up his femoro-abdominal mechanism.