The Picky Bike

Sweezus and Baby Pierre ride their bikes to the Kiln Park.

Choose a tree, says Sweezus. They're all pretty good here.

Baby Pierre's bike doesn't think so. 

Baby Pierre whizzes from tree to tree.

How about this one? shouts Sweezus.

Which one? shouts Baby Pierre.

He zooms across to the tree in question.

Photogenic bark, says Sweezus. Nice contrasts.

You may think so, says Baby Pierre, but my bike has different requirements.

Like, what? asks Sweezus.

Straight up and down, says Baby Pierre. No sticky-out bits. Especially at the bottom. And no bugs.

Why do you care about bugs? asks Sweezus.

It's not me, it's my bike, says Baby Pierre. I'm okay with bugs.

As a matter of interest, says Sweezus, how do you know what your bike thinks of bugs?

Watch this, says Baby Pierre. 

He leans his bike against the photogenic tree with the contrasts. And bugs.

The bike remains immobile.

What's meant to happen? asks Sweezus.

It's already happened, says Baby Pierre.

Sweezus can't see that anything has happened.

It must be kind of minimal, says Sweezus. But if you want to pick another tree, go ahead.

How about a lamp post? asks Baby Pierre. They're smooth. My bicycle loves them

Lamp posts? says Sweezus. How come?

Just does, says Baby Pierre. Want us to get behind this one?

Okay, says Sweezus. You get behind it. I'll stand here.

Baby Pierre wheels his tiny bicycle behind the lamp post.

Wheel out further! says Sweezus. No, not that far! Back a bit. Okay. Awesome.

He takes a photo.

How does it look? asks Baby Pierre

Cool, says Sweezus. You can just see the green curve of your front wheel.

Baby Pierre looks.

Good one! 

Oh shit! says Sweezus. I just thought of something.

What? asks Baby Pierre.

Lamp post, next to a lagoon in Melaleuca, miles from anywhere? says Sweezus. Dead giveaway.

Oo yes, says Baby Pierre. You'll have to fix it.

Like yeah, turn the lamp post into a tree, says Sweezus. You could've just got behind a real one.

Do they have toilets in Melaleuca? asks Baby Pierre.

He has just spotted the public toilets, next to the playground.

Dunno, says Sweezus.

But it hardly matters.

Baby Pierre's bike doesn't want to go near them.

When A Tree Is A Tree

Sweezus! says Baby Pierre.

Baby Pierre, says Sweezus. How're you going?

Great! says Baby Pierre.

Come in, says Pierre-Louis. 

Sweezus leaves his bike outside and enters.

Baby Pierre wheels his tiny bike into the house.

Gaius isn't here at the moment, says Pierre-Louis. He's gone off somewhere, training.

I know, says Sweezus. Just saw him. It's Baby Pierre I came to see.

Me? says Baby Pierre. I'm not joining your team!

Wasn't going to ask you, says Sweezus. You'd get us disqualified.

Ha ha! laughs Baby Pierre. Us free thinkers like to cut corners.

Yeah but you should wear a helmet, says Sweezus.

I NEVER wear a helmet! says Baby Pierre.

He's a pebble, says Pierre-Louis. What harm could he come to?

He could crack his skull, says Sweezus. Which is basically his whole body.

I do have legs, says Baby Pierre, showing them. 

They are short and skinny.

I came to ask you a favour, says Sweezus. Can I borrow your bicycle for a video I'm working on for Gaius?

Would I be in it? asks Baby Pierre.

Not exactly, says Sweezus. The bicycle will be ninety percent hidden behind a tree. But you could be on it.

Behind a tree? says Baby Pierre. Tell me more about this video.

Long story, says Sweezus.

I've got time, says Baby Pierre. 

Sweezus tells Baby Pierre about Gaius's Tzeet notes and the accompanying video only being published in Velosophy if there's a bicycle in it.

Why choose my bicycle? asks Baby Pierre.

Beause they decided to make it a readers' competition, says Sweezus. Find the hidden bicycle. So we reckoned the bike should be small. And with green wheels ideally.

Sticking out from behind a tree! says Baby Pierre. I like it. The answer is yes. Which tree do you want it behind?

Any tree. A tree's a tree, says Sweezus.

To you and me maybe, says Baby Pierre. But not to my bicycle.

Baby Pierre's bicycle had been thinking that same thought exactly.

Zooom-ruuurch!

Six o'clock in Norwood. 

Vello, David and Gaius sit outside Cibo's, drinking espressos.

They did not expect to see Sweezus turn up, on his bike.

Thought you'd be sleeping it off, this morning, says Vello.

No way, says Sweezus. After you guys left we had an idea for the hidden bicycle video. Anyone seen Baby Pierre?

He whizzed by five minutes ago, says David. Then zipped under a car.

Which way was he going? asks Sweezus. 

East, says Gaius. Probably back to my house.

Great, thanks, says Sweezus. 

He turns and heads up The Parade.

Sweezus seems keen on this hidden bicycle, says Vello. 

It's a good concept, says David. And we'll gain more readers.

For the wrong reasons, says Vello. Velosophy is aimed at intellectuals.

Lighten up, it's the holidays, says David. 

As long as he doesn't make it too easy, says Vello.

Baby Pierre's bicycle is almost invisible when in plain sight, says David. 

I suppose so, says Vello. But I'm having the last word on this competition.

I ought to have a say, says Gaius. It's my article and my reputation.

In my magazine, says Vello.

Our magazine, says David.

The three philosophers (or really, two philosophers and one natural historian) finish their coffee and head for Norton Summit Road.

Sweezus arrives at Gaius's front door, and rings the door bell.

Pierre-Louis answers.

Is Baby Pierre here? asks Sweezus.

Which one is he? asks Pierre-Louis.

Tiny pebble with legs, says Sweezus. Rides a bike with green wheels.

Not back yet, says Pierre-Louis.

Ting-zoooom-ruurrrch!. 

He is now.

Enigmatic Wheels

It's getting late. 

There's still lots of beer left, but the bubbly is finished.

I should be going, says Gaius. 

Thanks for coming, says Sweezus. 

Me too, says David. Coming Vello?

Yes, says Vello. Early start in the morning.

At the office? asks Lauren.

No, David and I need to get serious about training, says Vello. 

Very commendable, says Gaius. I shall join you.

Good, says Vello. Six o'clock in Norwood. We'll start with a coffee.

They go.

Now it's just Sweezus, Arthur, Surfing-with-Whales, Belle, Lauren and Terence at the party.

Anything to eat? asks Arthur.

No more pizza, says Lauren. But Gaius left some apples.

Green apples. Which no one has eaten.

But Sweezus is looking at the apples.

The hidden bicycle? says Arthur.

Yeah, says Sweezus. These apples remind me...

Of enigmatic wheels, says Arthur. 

Are you going to hide apples in the video? says Belle. That's a stupid idea. 

Yes, says Terence. Because they're real apples. 

I know what Sweezus is thinking, says Lauren.

What am I thinking? asks Sweezus.

If you hide an apple behind a tree.....begins Lauren, winking at Belle 

With a tiny curve visible, says Belle. It would look like a bit of wheel showing. 

A green one? says Surfing-with-Whales. Is that feasible?

No one eats wheels! scoffs Terence.

Feasible doesn't mean you can eat it, says Belle. It means reasonable.

Which it's not, says Surfing-with-Whales. 

Ha ha! Which it's snot! laughs Terence. 

Not! says Belle. But it's true, no one uses green wheels.

Baby Pierre does, says Terence.

Woaah! Everyone had forgotten!

Baby Pierre has his own tiny bicycle, with green fluoro-elastane o-rings for wheels.

Coolissimo! says Sweezus. We'll ask him if we can borrow it tomorrow.

Problem solved. 

They crack open more beers.

And make a start on the apples, which are no longer required for the video.

Fishy Red Drink Adventure

Terence has followed Belle into the kitchen.

Where's my red drink? asks Terence.

I'm still looking, says Belle. What did everyone think of the pizza?

They got wisdom, says Terence.

Wisdom? says Belle. Wisdom how?

From the mosquito cheese, says Terence.

Mozzarella, says Belle. How did that give them wisdom?

Yellow string moustaches, says Terence. 

Made of cheese, says Belle.  They must all look funny.

Like wise men, says Terence. But with no presents.

Aw, says Belle. That reminds me, what happened to your wooden duck, Waca?

You'll be sad, says Terence.

Tell me anyway, says Belle.

He got forgotten, says Terence. I buried him in the sand at Saint Kilda. And then we left.

So he's still there, says Belle.

No, a nice little girl might have found him, says Terence. 

That's a good way to think about it, says Belle. She'll have washed him and put him in her bedroom.

He likes adventures, says Terence.

Don't we all, says Belle. Well, you're about to have a red drink adventure.

Yay! says Terence. 

Watch this, says Belle. 

She pours some of Gaius's spring water into a beaker.

Then she takes a teaspoon from Sweezus's cutlery drawer.

Next she finds an empty sardine tin.

'John West Sardines in Tomato Sauce'.

There is some fishy tomato sauce left in the bottom, rich red in colour.

She spoons some into the beaker and stirs it around.

It's not red enough.

But there were three sardine tins, all with remains in.

At last the drink is a dark red drink, smelling fishy.

Try this, says Belle.

Terence tries it.

It's not the best drink ever.

But it's in a cool beaker.

Mouldy Bits Of What

Awesome bro! says Sweezus. When did you order the pizzas?

Didn't, says Surfing-with-Whales. 

He made them himself, says Lauren. It's his new off-season business.

Sure is, says Surfing-with-Whales. Who wants to try one?

Me! says Terence.

Not happening, says Belle. I'll find you a red drink. 

She goes into Sweezus's kitchen

Everyone else takes a slice of pizza.

This is different, says Vello. What's on it?

Whatever I find in the fridge, says Surfing-with-Whales. 

Your fridge? asks Sweezus.

No your fridge, says Surfing-with-Whales. Don't worry, I cut off the mouldy bits.

He's very careful says Lauren. After what happened before.

And I bring my own cheese, says Surfing-with-Whales. Real mozzarella.

Everyone is relieved about the cheese. And the lack of mouldy bits.

No one thinks to ask mouldy bits of what.

Except David.

Mouldy bits of what? asks David. I can't identify anything on this pizza.

All edible, says Surfing-with-Whales. The pink chunks are vegan sausage.

David takes a bite. You can't go wrong with vegan sausage. 

And that's grated carrot, says Surfing-with-Whales. 

Woah! says Sweezus.

Its a long time since he bought a carrot. Or a vegan sausage.

But the mood remains festive, thanks to the beer and the bubbly, and a smooth change of subject.

Gaius, says Lauren, are you planning to ride in the Tour Down Under?

No, says Gaius. I'm planning to go to Queensland

Into the floods? says Lauren. 

What floods? asks Gaius. I knew there were fires, but ...

There are floods now, says Vello. 

Dear me, says Gaius. Perhaps not at Kroombit Tops.

What do you want to go there for? asks Vello, picking a chunk of vegan sausage from his pizza.

The Kroombit frogs, says Gaius. Are you going to eat that?

Probably not, says Vello. Would you consider delaying your trip if I asked you to join Team Philosophe?

Short of riders, are you? asks Gaius. 

Dismally short, says Vello. It's just David and me.

When is it? asks Gaius. 

In three weeks, says Vello.

Gaius weighs up the pros and cons of not going to Queensland just yet.

Pro: 1) he'll have time to finish his notes on the orange-bellied parrots. 2) and do some work in his garden.  3) and it was nice to be asked.

Con: 1) the Kroombit frogs are endangered.

Gaius is tempted. 

Hidden Bicycle

What is it? asks Arthur.

We need a bicycle in this video, says Sweezus. But where, do you reckon?

Roll it again, says Arthur. 

Sweezus replays the video.

A bicycle doesn't fit naturally into this story, says Arthur. 

That's why we need your imagination, says Gaius. The point is, Vello won't publish it otherwise.

Okay, says Arthur. What about if you hide it?

What's the point of that? asks Lauren. No one'll know that it's there.

Yes they will, says Belle. If we tell them.

Yeah, says Sweezus. I'll add, like, a caption: Find the hidden bicycle!

And where will it be? asks Gaius.

Behind a tree, says Sweezus.

Whose bicycle is it? asks David. Not the birds. Not the quoll.

The person who made the video, says Sweezus. 

Who was it? asks Lauren.

A lady, says Gaius. But I believe she used her daughter's inflatable canoe.

What for? asks Lauren.

She canoed to the middle of the lagoon to speak with Du Fresne, says Gaius. It was Du Fresne who located the missing Tzeet brother. Du Fresne is a sea-faring lobster.

Lauren puts down her glass. That's it. No more absinthe. A lobster?

Why isn't he in it, this sea-faring lobster? asks Vello.

I could add him, says Sweezus. Or a look-alike.

Let's concentrate on the bicycle, says Vello. What have we decided? 

I could mention a bicycle in my notes, says Gaius. Then all this nonsense could be avoided.

And what would you write? asks Vello. 

That I rode my bicycle to Saint Kilda, where the Tzeets were first spotted. And that when the Tzeets had been located in Melaleuca, I rode my bicycle home.

Let me be honest, says Vello. That sounds somewhat pedestrian. I prefer a hidden bicycle that readers can be enticed into spotting.

I'm on it, says Sweezus. But first, I need a beer, and a couple of sardines.

There are only a few sardines left now, but then...

Surfing-with-Whales comes out of the kitchen with two giant pizzas.

Doing An Imagination

They have all watched the video.

Are we to assume there are two endings? asks David.

Choose your own ending, says Vello. Original!

And two beginnings, says Lauren. 

Yeah, says Sweezus. That's what I had to work with.

What did you think of it, Gaius? asks Belle.

It does clarify my own notes on the subject, says Gaius. 

You need a video to clarify your notes? asks Vello.

I'm hoping to publish them online, says Gaius.

You should get Vello to do it, says Lauren. He has a magazine, what's it called, Bilosophy?

Velosophy says Vello. Thank you, Lauren. Unfortunately the video, and no doubt the notes, lack one essential ingredient.

Belle comes in with a plate of sardines, and little toothpicks.

Sardine anyone? asks Belle.

A bicycle, says Vello, spearing a sardine with a toothpick.

Would you publish the notes if a bicycle were to be mentioned? asks David.

Certainly, says Vello. After all, I owe Gaius a favour.

You do? asks Gaius. May I ask you what for?

The penguin pie episode, says Vello. You relented, and gave Camus your consent and the story was published.

I don't recall, says Gaius. But I suppose I must have. Was there a bicycle in it?

He framed the story with an amusing anecdote which included a bicycle, says Vello. 

I could add a bike to the video, says Sweezus. 

Why don't you? says Vello, taking another sardine, and washing it down with his third glass of bubbly.

How would it fit in? asks Lauren.

Ask Arthur, says Sweezus. He's the one with the imagination.

Where is Arthur?

He is coughing up bits of shiny red ( not real) apple into the icebox.

Yuck! says Terence. You shouldn't have ate that. Come on.

What's the hurry? coughs Arthur, grabbing hold of a beer, and straightening up.

You have to do an imagination, says Terence.

Arthur is not one to knock back doing an imagination.

He follows Terence back to the others.

Made It Fantastic

Arthur is the first to arrive at the party.

Nice bow, says Arthur.

Yeah thanks, says Sweezus. Come in.

Who else is coming? asks Arthur.

The boss, and David, says Sweezus. Surfing-with-Whales might. Yeah, and Gaius is back. Terence is here already. He put up the socks.

Arthur is impressed with the non-festive look of the socks.

He plonks a bottle of absinthe on the table.

Thanks, bro, says Sweezus. Help yourself to the beer in the ice box.

Hi Arthur, says Belle. I don't suppose you brought any nibbles?

No, says Arthur. I didn't.

Have an apple, says Terence.

Arthur picks up a shiny red apple by its loop of gold string.

He bites into the shiny red apple.

Ha ha! laughs Terence. It's not a real one!

I knew that, says Arthur. 

And you wrecked it, says Terence.

Arthur swallows the piece he bit out of the red shiny apple.

Did you swallow it? asks Belle. 

Arthur coughs, and heads for the icebox.

Ding dong! goes the doorbell.

It's Surfing-with-Whales, with Lauren Swales, his mother.

Hey bro! says Sweezus. 

All right if mum comes? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

Sure! says Sweezus.

Hi Lauren ! says Belle.

How pretty those socks look, says Lauren Swales. And the Christmas lights on the window!

What would you like to drink? asks Belle.

Lauren has spotted the absinthe. She makes a beeline for it.

Ding dong! Gaius arrives with a bag of green apples and a bottle of spring water, followed by Vello and David.

Vello produces three bottles of bubbly.

David puts a large paper bag on the table.

Is that my present? asks Terence.

We didn't know you were coming. says David. This is dried fruit and chocolates.

Boo! says Terence. Have an apple.

But David, the great empiricist, can't be fooled by an apple.

How did you go with my video? asks Gaius.

Good, says Sweezus, cracking open a beer. Wanna see it?

Let's all see it, says Vello. What's it about?

I'd like to see it first, says Gaius.

It's about a quoll and some parrots, says Belle. But Sweezus has made it fantastic!

Oh, has he? says Gaius. 

Christmas Sardines

Terence starts decorating, using the socks.

Sweezus stops editing the video.

Where'd you find them? asks Sweezus. They're not the decorations.

They were in a box, says Terence. They're good decorations.

They're my socks, says Sweezus. 

Socks are good, says Terence, because .....you know.

I don't know, says Sweezus.

They get presents put in them, says Terence.

These won't, says Sweezus. And some of them've got holes in.

Oops, says Terence. The presents will fall out.

There's a box of real decorations somewhere, says Sweezus. 

He looks in the cupboard. 

Yep! There it is. 

He pulls down the box.

It's full of old batteries and light globes.

These are GREAT! says Terence. Can I...?

These aren't them either, says Sweezus. 

Ding dong.

The doorbell rings. It's Belle.

Hey Belle, says Sweezus. Come in. Terence is helping me decorate for the party.

But we can't find the true decorations, says Terence.

I see , says Belle. So you put up some socks.

She looks into the cupboard and pulls out a plastic bag, which rustles.

She opens it. Christmas lights are inside. And a several hard shiny red apples topped with loops of gold string.

These are for a Christmas tree, says Belle. Have you got one?

No, says Sweezus. 

Too bad, says Belle. Maybe just put them on the table. 

The lights? says Sweezus. 

The apples, says Belle. The lights can be taped to a window

Can I do it? asks Terence.

No, says Belle. You do the apples.

Terence starts doing the apples.

Shall I fix up the lights? asks Belle.

Before you do, take a look at this video, says Sweezus. I'm editing it for Gaius. 

Okay, says Belle.

She watches the edited video.

I like how you've done the animations, says Belle. 

Yeah, says Sweezus. I made the quoll look less sneaky. 

He looks heroic, says Belle. Like in Japanese manga.

What did you think of the girl parrot's back view turning into a front view,? asks Sweezus.

Brilliant, says Belle.  It looks like she turns herself inside out. I can't imagine how you did it!

Kinda fluked it, says Sweezus.

You're too modest, says Belle

Terence has finished doing the apples.

Have an apple, says Terence.

Ha ha! laughs Belle. They're not real ones.

But it reminds her to ask Sweezus...

Have you got food and drinks for the party? asks Belle.

It's BYO, says Sweezus. 

I brought these just in case, says Belle, producing three tins of sardines.

Red Bow

Sweezus is outside, tying a red bow to his screen door.

Gaius gets off his bike.

He lifts Terence down.

Terence runs towards Sweezus.

Guess what!

What, little buddy? asks Sweezus.

I'm staying with you, says Terence.

Only if it's convenient, says Gaius. 

How long? asks Sweezus.

Forever! says Terence.

Sweezus laughs. It won't be forever.

I've got a small job for you, says Gaius. Could you edit this video a friend in Tasmania has sent me?

It's a movie, says Terence. There's a quoll in it who looks sneaky.

Cool! says Sweezus.

Quoll, says Terence. You have to make him look friendly.

Might be hard to do that, says Sweezus, untying the red bow.

Re-thinking the bow? asks Gaius. 

Belle gave it to me, says Sweezus. 

There's always the back door, says Gaius. Less ostentatious.

Yeah right, says Sweezus. But my guests are coming in the front door.

A party? says Gaius. That's nice.

Wanna come? asks Sweezus, retying the bow lower down.

It has bells on. They jingle.

Yay! says Terence. Will I get a present from everyone?

They won't know you're coming, says Sweezus. So anyway, come in and show me the video.

They all go inside. Sweezus watches the video.

He frowns.

What's the matter? asks Gaius. 

Is this like, a nature video? asks Sweezus.

A renactment, says Gaius. A reward for the quoll.

What did he do? asks Sweezus. 

He found the missing Tzeet brother, says Terence. He's a hero. That's why he needs a good face.

And while we're on the subject, says Gaius, one female parrot needs her back view edited out.

Yeah, says Sweezus. I can guess which one. No worries.

And a front view added, if possible, says Gaius. 

Might be difficult, says Sweezus.

Don't go to too much trouble, says Gaius. You've got your party. Will Vello be coming?

Yep, says Sweezus. You coming?

I'll drop by, says Gaius. Should I bring anything? Spring water? Apples?

Whatever, says Sweezus. 

I'll be off then, says Gaius. I haven't been home yet. Must look at my garden.

See ya later, says Sweezus. 

What can I do? asks Terence.

Put up some decorations, says Sweezus. There's a box in the cupboard. I'll take another look at this video.

Terence opens a cupboard.

Woo! Hundreds of socks tumble out.

Not The Chocolate One

Can I watch it? asks Terence.

We'll watch it together, says Gaius. Then we'll go home.

They sit side by side on the sand at Saint Kilda.

Ready? says Gaius. 

Ready, says Terence. No wait, I'm not ready. 

He smoothes the sand, and picks a few sticks out.

Now he's ready.

Gaius plays the video, on his phone.

That's him! says Terence. The missing one!

No, says Gaius. That's his brother.

No it's him! says Terence. 

That one's him, says Gaius. The first one was his brother.

Why do they both say their brother is missing? asks Terence. Are they both missing?

Not as far as I know, says Gaius. 

What's THAT! asks Terence.

The quoll who joined Du Fresne's search party, says Gaius. 

He looks sneaky, says Terence.

He does, says Gaius. 

But he's supposed to be good! says Terence.

Yes, says Gaius. In spite of his natural instincts, he helped find the missing brother.

So he'll get a reward, says Terence.

All he asked was to be mentioned in my online notes, says Gaius. And of course, he features in the video.

He won't like looking sneaky, says Terence.

We could ask Sweezus to fix that, says Gaius. He probably could.

Yay! says Terence. Can we go straight to his house?

Why not? says Gaius. And you can stay there. You must be tired of the company of an old natural historian.

Who? asks Terence.

Me, says Gaius. You can be with Sweezus at Christmas. How does that sound?

Christmas! says Terence. Is that the chocolate one? Which I can't have?

No, says Gaius. It's the other one.

Yippee! I get a present! says Terence.

That will be up to Sweezus, says Gaius. 

The more he thinks about leaving Terence with Sweezus over Christmas, the more sensible the idea becomes.

It will free him up to write the online notes. And organise somewhere to post them. Perhaps Vello will agree to publish them in Velosophy. But no. He has that pedantic rule about bikes.  

Marvellous Whizz

She didn't film me flying towards her! says Skye.

Don't worry, says Sweetheart. Barb will come back.

And if she doesn't? says the missing Tzeet brother.

It won't matter, says Sweetheart. It's not like we're ever going to see ourselves in the movie.

What? says the quoll. 

Well, how would we? asks Sweetheart. Do you have a tablet? Or a phone?

The quoll had not considered that his online reward might be unavailable for personal viewing.

Come on, Sweetheart, says the Tzeet brother. We've got things to do. 

Ooh yes, says Sweetheart. Find a few more rotten woodchips.

We need them too, says the missing Tzeet brother.

Lots, says Skye. We haven't even started.

We do have one woodchip, says the missing Tzeet brother.

But nowhere to put it, says Skye. Where DID you put it?

I left it at their place, says the missing Tzeet brother. At least I think so.

Come back to ours, says Sweetheart. We'll find it.

The two pairs of orange-bellied parrots fly off together, chattering. 

The quoll is disgusted. 

Why didn't he just eat them all?

Barb has driven back to her house and returned the inflatable canoe to her daughter.

She is making a cup of green tea.

Her phone rings. It's Gaius.

I haven't received your photograph of the quoll, or the Tzeets, says Gaius. Is there a problem?

Don't even ask, says Barb. They wanted a video, which turned into a full scale renactment.

You have gone to a great deal of trouble, says Gaius. When will you send it?

It needs an edit, says Barb.

Don't worry about that, says Gaius. I'll get Sweezus to do it. He's a whizz at such things.

Great, says Barb. I'm sure he'll do a better job than I would.

Send it through, says Gaius. And thanks for your efforts.

Make sure you mention the Friends of Melaleuca, says Barb. 

Certainly, says Gaius.

And the second female orange-bellied parrot wasn't happy with her back view, says Barb. I was going to film her again from the front, but time got away from me.

I don't see how that can be easily corrected, says Gaius.

A whizz can do marvellous things, says Barb.

Mm, says Gaius.

Not that marvellous, surely?

They end the call. 

Barb sends the unedited video.

And settles back to drink her green tea. 

I Need It!

 It's a wrap! says Barb. 

She turns off the camera.

Can we see it? asks Skye.

Okay, says Barb. But it'll need editing.

Not my parts, says the quoll.

Not your parts, says Barb. You were good in that last scene. I did like your gesture.

What gesture? asks the missing Tzeet brother.

Didn't you see it? asks the quoll.

I saw it, says Sweetheart. He spread his front paws out like this.

I nearly fell out of the tree, says the quoll.

I thought so, says Sweetheart. But you recovered.

It brought the final scene together, says Barb. Shall I replay it?

Replay the whole thing, says the Tzeet brother.

They all gather round Barb's phone.

She presses play. 

First comes the scene where the Tzeet brother asks Sweetheart: Where is my brother? And flies off to look for some woodchips.

I thought I'd deleted that, says Barb.

Then comes the scene in which the missing Tzeet brother asks: Where is my brother? just as the quoll wanders by. The quoll offers to lead a search party, for ethical reasons, and his offer is accepted.

In the following scene, the quoll heads for the lagoon. Barb and Skye can be heard, discussing the fact the the missing brother is not there yet.

Must get rid of those voices, mutters Barb.

Then the scene where the quoll finds the missing Tzeet brother and goes off to find dinner, appearing in the next scene with a wet emu wren feather

Now the camera captures Skye flying stiffly with the emu wren feather stuck to her bottom.

I hate it! says Skye. I look gross and disgusting!

You look all right, says the missing Tzeet brother.

Is that all you can say? says Skye. I want to film that part again, without the feather.

But the feather's part of the narrative, says Barb. How about I film you flying towards me?

It'll look a lot nicer from the front, says Sweetheart.

Okay, says Skye. 

Let's watch the last scenes first, says Barb.

They watch the aerial reunion and the branch reunion, and the quoll's final theatrical gesture.

I wish we could keep both of those scenes in, says Sweetheart. They're both lovely.

True, says Barb. They are really lovely. 

Ring-ring! Barb gets a phone call from her daughter.

Mum! Where's my inflatable canoe? I need it!

Shit! says Barb. It's still in the boot! I'll be there in a jiffy.

She hurries off, turning only to say: Sorry, that was my daughter!

Looks like any subsequent filming is off.

O Temptation!

That was not my intention, says the quoll.

What then? asks Barb.

I brought the parrots together, says the quoll. My facial expression was meant to show joy.

Joy? says Barb. Then you should have been smiling.

But, I considered the effect of my teeth, says  the quoll.

How about a gesture? says Barb.

Yes, a gesture, says the quoll. Any suggestures?

What? Oh! Ha ha!, says Barb. Suggestures. Tzeets! Come down!

The Tzeet brothers and their partners descend from their airy reunion.

How did that look? asks Skye.

Very moving, says Barb. But the quoll wasn't in it.

And I should be in it, says the quoll.

He should, says the missing Tzeet brother. We could do it again on the ground.

That would look wrong, says Sweetheart. Bird reunions occur in the air.

Or amongst branches, says Skye.

Ding! says the quoll. I'm very agile at climbing.

That's an excellent suggesture, says Barb.

Huh? ask the Tweet brothers.

A joke the quoll made, says Barb. I suggested a gesture, and quick as a flash he came out with it.

A gesture? asks Skye.

No, a joke, says Barb. Never mind. A tree reunion is better than a gesture.

Okay, says the quoll. Which tree shall we use?

Preferably one with a good view from below, says Barb. Because I'm not good at filming while climbing.

That's fair, says Sweetheart.

The Tzeets select a suitable tree with suitable branches.

Barb is ready below.

And...action! says Barb.

The quoll whizzes up the tree to the suitable branch, and waits, looking joyful, insofar as he can without his teeth showing.

Sweetheart and the Tzeet brother alight beside him.

O temptation! 

It would be so easy to gobble up Sweetheart.

The missing Tzeet and Skye land on the quoll's other side.

The quoll makes a gesture.

What Face This Face

The quoll heads off, in the direction of the bird hide.

The missing brother and Skye fly above him.

Barb follows, filming and doing the voiceover.

The missing Tzeet has found himself a partner, says Barb. They appear to be leaving the lagoon. Note that the female, having adorned herself with an emu wren feather, flies stiffly.

Barb stops her voiceover. 

Perhaps that's not fair. Skye may be flying stiffly for any number of reasons. 

But it may not be due to the emu wren feather, says Barb. She may be about to lay eggs. Or she might be self-conscious.

Barb stops her voiceover again.

She should mention the quoll.

The relationship of the quoll to this pair of orange-bellied parrots, says Barb, is a strange one. One might expect that the quoll would have made short work of them. Yet they seem to be friends.

Barb is not sure she should have mentioned this either. But she continues.

It is possible the quoll doesn't like to eat colourful parrots, says Barb. But then, the females are less colourful. What's going on here?

Of course I'm no expert, adds Barb.

She is quiet, for several metres.

During which, the video lacks something.

Luckily, the Tzeet brother and Sweetheart appear at this juncture, flying towards them.

O look! says Barb, we're about to witness a parrot reunion!

The Tzeet brothers come face to face in the air, and in a moment of dramatic inpiration, touch wings.

Oh wow! says Sweetheart. That's like that movie you guys saw on the ferry.

How annoying, thinks Barb. I'll need to edit that out.

The quoll comes up to Barb.

Did you get a close up of my face then?

No, says Barb. I was filming the reunion.

It's not too late, says the quoll. 

Okay, says Barb. What face are you doing?

This face, says the quoll. 

He makes a face with big eyes.

What do you mean to convey with that face? asks Barb.

What did it look like? asks the quoll.

The face of a predator, says Barb. 

Why Anyone Does Anything

Barb washes the emu wren feather in the lagoon.

Happy? says Barb.

Happier, says the quoll.

Okay, roll camera, says Barb.

The red light comes on.

The quoll, with the wet emu wren feather in his mouth, approaches the missing Tzeet brother, and Skye.

Ith thith her? asks the quoll.

No it's another one, says the missing Tzeet brother. 

Nice feather, says Skye.

You can have it, says the quoll. Right, let's go folks, and claim our re...

Stop! says Skye. We weren't going to mention it.

Oops! says the quoll. Barb, can you cut that?

Right, says Barb. I'll cut it. But have you thought what you will say?

Yes, says the quoll. I'll say, let's go folks.

You'll have to give me a reason, says the missing Tzeet brother.

Yes, says Skye. He came here to be on his own.

Until he heard about the reward, says the quoll. 

No one has to know that, says Barb. Let's just pretend he was missing.

Or checking out the lagoon, says the missing Tzeet brother. 

For woodchips, says Skye. In case you met someone.

Which I did, says the missing Tzeet brother, I met you.

Happy ending, says Skye. But I'm not nesting near this lagoon. That paperbark canoe creeps me out.

Stop talking! says Barb. I think the best thing to do is cut out the sound altogether.

Then how will anyone know why anyone does anything? asks the quoll.

I'll do a voiceover, says Barb.

It's agreed.

Where's your brother? asks Barb. He's supposed to be at the reunion.

He flew off, says Skye. I think he went to get Sweetheart.

We can't wait all day, says Barb.

Let's start back to the bird hide, says the quoll. We'll probably meet them half way.

Good idea, says Barb. I'll film you all from behind.

Ooh! says Skye. My feather!

The missing Tzeet brother helps her to stick it back in.

Dining On Thrush

The Tzeet brother lands next to Barb.

What are you doing here? asks Barb.

Acting the part of my missing brother, says the Tzeet brother. 

He's acting himself now, says Barb.

But Sweetheart said he played my part, says the brother.

Only momentarily, says Barb. 

So I'm not needed, says the Tzeet brother. What a waste of a journey.

Not necessarily, says Barb. We need to wrap this up soon. We could make this the scene of the reunion.

But Sweetheart's not here, says the brother. Should I go back and get her?

No, says Barb, that would waste more time and energy.

What can I do then? asks the brother.

Go and see what the quoll's up to , says Barb. He went off to find something to eat. 

Okay, says the Tzeet brother.

He flies off to look for the quoll.

His missing brother flies over to Barb with the emu wren feather.

This is for the quoll when he comes back, says the missing brother.

Great, thanks, says Barb. Your brother's gone to look for him. 

What was he doing here? asks the missing brother.

He thought he might be needed to play your part, says Barb. Because you took his part.

Was he upset? asks the missing brother.

I don't think so, says Barb.

But it means he's not in it, says the missing brother.

He will be, at the end, says Barb. For the reunion. By the way, we'll be filming that here.

The reunion! says the missing brother. But Sweetheart's not with us.

I know, says Barb. but the film is about you two brothers.

I guess so, says the missing brother.

Yet it doesn't seem right.

The Tzeet brother has spotted the quoll who is on his way back to the lagoon, having dined on a careless grey shrike thrush.

He flies down. 

What's that in your mouth? asks the brother.

Phoot! say the quoll.

It doesn't look like a foot, says the brother. 

That's because it's a feather, says the quoll.

Barb's got the original feather, says the brother. The curly one. She wants you to use it.

The one Skye had stuck to her bottom? says the quoll. I don't think so.

They return to where Barb is waiting with the curly feather.

At last! says Barb. Are we ready to continue?  Now, I want you to... wait, what have you been eating?

A grey shrike thrush, says the quoll.

Get rid of it, says Barb. This is the feather you'll be using.

She hands him the curly emu wren feather.

I'm not putting that in my mouth, says the quoll.

Barb grinds her teeth. Is there no end to the problems?

The Other Brother

Barb follows the quoll, filming his progress.

Now what? says Sweetheart.

I guess he'll head for the lagoon, says Skye.

That's where he found me, says the missing brother.

You'd better go then, says Sweetheart. Or there'll be no one to find.

The missing brother flies back to the lagoon, by a circular route, to avoid being caught on camera.

You should go too, Skye, says Sweetheart. 

Okay, says Skye. 

She catches up with Barb, who is still filming.

I'm coming with you, says Skye.

Shh! says Barb. I'm filming.

Sorry, says Skye. Just letting you know that my partner's flown to the lagoon.

The missing one? says Barb.

Yes MY partner, says Skye. 

The one who played his brother just now? says Barb.

Yes him, says Skye. It won't matter, will it?

I suppose not, says Barb. But some bird watchers are sticklers for proper identification.

Well my partner IS the one who went missing, says Skye. So now he's playing himself.

Lovely, says Barb.

They reach the lagoon.

The quoll squelches round the edge until he comes to the tree where he first met the missing Tzeet brother.

The missing Tzeet brother is waiting.

Are you the missing Tzeet brother? asks the quoll.

Yes, says  the missing Tzeet brother. 

Wait here. I need to get something to eat, says the quoll. 

Why's he saying that? asks Barb.

Because he did say that, says Skye. And he ate a emu wren, and gave me the tail feather.

That's a nice detail, says Barb. So this must be where you met your new partner.

Yes, says Skye. It's my turn to be in it. How do I look?

Very pretty, says Barb.

Skye flies across to the missing Tzeet brother. 

Come back! cries Barb. You need to take off the tail feather.

Oops! says Skye, turning round.

Let me do it, says the missing Tzeet brother. 

He pulls it out from where Skye had wedged it.

Flup!

That won't do, says Barb. The quoll needs to have it.

Everyone is realising that filming a reenactment is not simple.

Tzeet! 

And to make matters worse, now the other Tzeet brother turns up!

Weird, Super Weird

Ready? says Barb.

Ready, says the Tzeet brother.

Go! says Barb. She presses VIDEO, on her phone camera. The red light goes on.

O no! My brother is missing! says the Tzeet brother.

That sounded over-dramatic, says Barb.

No it didn't, says Sweetheart. That's just what he said.

Okay, says Barb. Continue. I'll delete my comment.

And mine, says Sweetheart.

And yours, says Barb. Go!

O no! my brother is missing! says the Tzeet brother.

What a shame! says Sweetheart. Perhaps he's been eaten. But meanwhile we need more rotten woodchips.

Okay, says the Tzeet brother. I'll get some.

He flies away.

Then what happened? asks Barb.

The lobster arrived, says Sweetheart. He was looking for the two brothers.

We have a problem, says Barb. No lobster.

I'll play the lobster, says the quoll.

You can't play the lobster, says Sweetheart. If you do, you can't play the quoll.

There is no getting round it.

Can we reenact it without the lobster? asks Skye. 

How? asks the missing brother. The lobster was the main character.

No, you were the main character, says Skye. And the quoll found you. What did the lobster do?

Okay, says Barb. I'll stop filming until we get this sorted. 

How about this? says the quoll. I walk past just as they're saying the brother is missing. I say, why don't I form a search party? They say yes why don't you, but you should know there is no reward. I say, a good deed is its own reward, and I go off towards the lagoon, where I find him.

Sounds good, says the missing brother. But you did expect a reward.

So did you, says the quoll.

And me says Skye, until I realised it was selfish.

Selfish, says the quoll. So we don't need to mention it. 

And don't forget, says Barb, this video we're making is everyone's reward. You'll all end up famous.

She's right, says Sweetheart. We don't want to look like we had ulterior motives.

Good, says Barb. Now everyone knows what they're doing, we'll start again from the beginning.

We can't, says Sweetheart. My partner flew off to reenact finding woodchips.

I don't have all day, says Barb.

I'l play him, says the missing Tzeet brother. No one will know I'm not my brother. 

That's weird, says Skye.

Super weird, says Sweetheart.

Do it, says Barb.

O no! my brother is missing! says the missing Tzeet brother.

What a shame! says Sweetheart. Perhaps he's been eaten.

The quoll strolls by, and makes his exemplary offer.

Am I In It?

So I'll be famous, says the quoll.

Looks like it, says Barb. Let's take that photo.

Should I be smiling? asks the quoll.

I'll take one of you smiling and one of you looking serious, says Barb.

In here? asks the quoll.

People might wonder what you were doing in a bird hide, says Barb. 

True. So let's go outside, says the quoll.

They go outside.

Barb takes two photos.

In one the quoll is smiling, and showing his teeth.

In the other he isn't.

Let's see, says the quoll.

I think I prefer the serious you, says Barb.

Me too. Now what? says the quoll.

I'll send it to Gaius, says Barb. But he asked for a photo of the two orange-bellied parrots as well. I wonder if you could do something to attract them.

Like what? says the quoll.

They trust you don't they? asks Barb.

O yes, says the quoll.

They must be nearby, says Barb. I spotted them earlier. 

I could try calling out, says the quoll.

Go on, says Barb. I'll melt into the background.

The quoll calls out. Tzeet!

It doesn't sound very tzeetish. More kind of quollish. 

But it works.

The missing Tzeet brother flies down.

What's up, friend?

I'm getting my reward, says the quoll.

What is it? asks the missing Tzeet brother.

Online notes and a photo, says the quoll. Want to be in it?

What are online notes? asks the missing Tzeet brother.

A story about how I found you, says the quoll.

Am I in it? asks the missing Tzeet brother.

Of course you're in it, says the quoll. If you weren't, you'd still be missing.

Can we all be in it? asks the missing Tzeet brother.

Sure, says the quoll. Call the others.

The missing Tzeet brother calls his brother, his brother's Sweetheart, and Skye.

Yes they all want to be in it.

Barb comes out from the background.

How shall we do this? asks Barb. 

How about we reenact the moment I found him? says the quoll.

But we weren't there then, says Sweetheart.

I was, says Skye.

We need to make it longer, says the Tzeet brother. Start from when I noticed my brother had gone missing.

So, a series of photos, says Barb.

Or a movie! says the missing Tzeet brother.

I guess we could make a short video, says Barb.

In Pursuit Of Rash Promises

The quoll is in the bird hide, thinking bad thoughts.

A human comes in.

The quoll stiffens.

The human peers out through one of the openings.

Ah, says the human. A pair of orange-bellied parrots! I wonder if the male is the missing brother?

It is, says the quoll.

Eek! says Barb. A spotted-tailed quoll! Shoo! Get out of the bird hide!

I'm going, says the quoll. But first, what do you know about the missing brother?

Are you the quoll who joined the search party? asks Barb.

Who's asking? says the quoll.

Me, Barb, says Barb. I'm a Friend of Melaleuca. I've just helped the lobster out of the lagoon.

I wish to make a complaint about that lobster, says the quoll. 

Ooh, says Barb. That could be tricky. What is it?

He promised a reward but no reward was forthcoming, says the quoll.

So you found the missing brother, says Barb.

I did, says the quoll.

And you brought him back here? says Barb.

Along with his new partner, says the quoll. You can easily spot her, because of her tail.

Is it unusual? asks Barb.

It's an emu wren feather, says the quoll. Curly.

I know what they look like, says Barb. How did she get it?

From me, says the quoll.

Mm, says Barb. Well apart from that bit of info, the rest is good news.

And apart from my lack of reward, says the quoll.

You do deserve something, says Barb. How about I phone Gaius and see if he has a suggestion?

Gaius? says the quoll.

The lobster's colleague, says Barb. He seems like a reliable person.

Go on, says the quoll. 

Barb calls Gaius.

Good news! says Barb.

Has Du Fresne found the missing Tzeet? asks Gaius.

A quoll found him, says Barb. The quoll's with me now. It was promised a reward but Du Fresne has abruptly departed.

Dear me, says Gaius. That is unfair. Tell him I'll mention him in my notes. 

He says he'll mention you in his notes, says Barb.

Will they be published online? asks the quoll.

I suppose so, says Barb. Will your notes be published online, Gaius?

Errrmm..... they could be, says Gaius, although I don't normally....

It would be a fitting reward , says Barb. And great publicity for the Friends of Melaleuca. I'll send you a photo of the quoll, so you can use it.

And the Tzeets, if possible, says Gaius. 

No worries, says Barb.

Sulking In The Bird Hide

What now? asks the missing Tzeet brother.

You build a nest together, says Sweetheart.

Where? asks Skye. I bet all the good places are taken.

Would you like to see ours? asks Sweetheart. 

Yes please, says Skye.

They fly off to inspect Sweetheart's hollow.

This is so nice, says Skye. You've made it all comfy.

Rotten woodchips, says Sweetheart's Tzeet partner. That's the secret.

I must remember that, says his missing brother.

I'll lay my eggs soon, says Sweetheart. Right there, in the corner, I've decided.

Can I try it? asks Skye.

Sure, says Sweetheart. But maybe first you should....

Too late. Skye has sat down in the comfy corner, forgetting the curly emu wren feather that she had earlier stuck in her tail.

Ooh! Something's hurting my bottom!

You've sat on your curly feather! says Sweetheart. I hope it's not ruined!

Skye stands up. Sweetheart examines her bottom.

The Tzeet brothers both look away.

All good, says Sweetheart. But you might not be able to ....you know.... for a while.

Already done it, says Skye.

The missing brother looks embarrassed.

Good one bro, says his brother.

Where did you get the curly feather? asks Sweetheart.

The quoll, says Skye. He'd just eaten an emu wren. He gave me its feather.

Aw, says Sweetheart. By the way, where is he, the quoll?

He seems to have vanished.

But no, he hasn't vanished.

He's sulking in the bird hide nearby.

The Reward Is Woodchips

Barb rows to shore, and climbs out of the canoe.

She helps Du Fresne out.

Thank you, madam, says Du Fresne. Now, which way to the coast?

That way, says Barb. Or that way.  I take it you're done with the search party.

I am done with it, says Du Fresne. I never meant to form it in the first place.

So you're off, says Barb.

I am off, says Du Fresne.

Stick to the water, says Barb.

Du Fresne goes off.

Barb deflates the canoe.

....

Meanwhile the search party has returned to an area not far from the bird hide.

Sweetheart has been been watching, from her wood chip filled hollow.

Her partner's missing brother! And a female! And that quoll!

She leaves her wood chip filled hollow and flies out to meet them.

Sweetheart! cries the missing brother.

The other female looks sour

Is she your sweetheart? asks the other female.

No, my brother calls her Sweetheart, says the missing brother. YOU are my sweetheart.

We can't both be called Sweetheart, says Sweetheart.

No we can't, says the other female. I want my own name.

How about Skye? says the missing brother.

Cool, says Sweetheart. Skye's a good name for a parrot.

I love that name! says the other female. 

Where's my brother? asks the missing brother.

Yes, where is he? asks the quoll. We want the reward.

He's away finding more woodchips, says Sweetheart. What's this about a reward?

There's supposed to be one, says the quoll. It's the reason I joined the search party.

Didn't the lobster tell you? asks Sweetheart.

No, says the quoll.

Nor me, says the missing brother. He was about to, until he became poorly.

Poorly! says Sweetheart. Where is he now?

At the bottom of the lagoon as far as I know, says the missing brother.

He'll be fine, says Skye. He's a lobster.

Tzeet! 

(an alarm cry)

It's the missing Tzeet's brother

Darling! cries Sweetheart. Look who's here!

The Tzeet has returned, with a woodchip.

My missing brother! cries the Tzeet, dropping the woodchip. You've returned!

With a girlfriend, says Sweetheart. Her name is Skye.

The Tzeet looks at his brother.

Same old brother.

He looks at the girlfriend.

There is something odd about her.

What is it?

Something curly, sticking up from behind.

Best to ignore it.

They want a reward., says Sweetheart. At least the quoll does.

We all do, says Skye. We're going thirds in it.

That's so wrong! says Sweetheart. The missing one shouldn't be rewarded for finding himself.

And in fact, says the quoll, I should get all of it. SHE wasn't part of the search party. She just turned up at random.

Skye is outraged.

Calm down, says Sweetheart. You can have some of our woodchips. To help get you started.

Thanks, Sweetheart, says Skye.

Yes, thanks, says the missing brother.

Now it's the quoll's turn to be outraged.

The reward is just WOODCHIPS!

Not That I Know Of

Barb arrives at the lagoon.

She inflates the canoe she has borrowed from her daughter.

She gets in, and rows out to the middle.

She peers into the tea-coloured water.

What's that down there?

Looks like .....two lobsters!

But wait. Only one lobster is moving.

Rising towards her, in fact.

The lobster surfaces.

Stares at the inflatable canoe, and turns in a circle.

Stop! says Barb. 

A thousand pardons. I am somewhat confused, says Du Fresne.

Have you been in a fight with another lobster? asks Barb.

I'm the only one here, says Du Fresne.

What about that one down there? says Barb.

That is my old carapace, says Du Fresne. I have just moulted.

How thrilling, says Barb.

Permission to come aboard, says Du Fresne.

Take care, says Barb. This canoe is my daughter's. 

Very nice, says Du Fresne. I'm unlikely to harm it. 

He clambers on board the canoe, and lies back exhausted.

I suppose you are wondering why I'm here, says Barb.

To rescue me, says Du Fresne. Quite unnecessary.

Not at all, says Barb. To deliver a message from your colleagues. 

What might that be? asks Du Fresne.

They couldn't interpret your last message, says Barb.

I was underwater, says Du Fresne.

That was probably why, says Barb. They want you to resend it.

I can't do that, says Du Fresne. Not until my shell hardens.

So what was it? says Barb. Did you locate the missing orange-bellied parrot?

I believe so, says Du Fresne. The quoll was looking into it.

Quoll! says Barb. 

A trusted member of my search party, says Du Fresne.

Barb does not look convinced.

Your quoll has probably made a meal of the orange-bellied parrot, says Barb.

It assured me it wouldn't, says Du Fresne.

Hm, says Barb.

It was more interested in the reward, says Du Fresne.

There's a reward? says Barb.

Not that I know of, says Du Fresne.

Barb starts rowing, none the wiser concerning the whereabouts of the orange-bellied parrot.

But she has learned a few things about lobsters.

Come Out Of The Water

Gaius has at last found the number.

He calls Barb.

Friends of Melaleuca, says Barb. Barb speaking.

It's me, says Gaius. Secundus.

Oh yes, the lobster chap, says Barb. I was going to call you.

You have news of Captain Du Fresne? asks Gaius.

Yes, says Barb, and not good news. He made a second attempt to commandeer the paperbark canoe. The aunties tell me they found it mid-lagoon with no one in it.

Then how do they know Du Fresne was the culprit? asks Gaius.

They don't, says Barb. But they suspect him. He had formed a search party.

It could well be Du Fresne. says Gaius. My colleague Baudin received a garbled message from him a short time ago.

What was the message? asks Barb.

Something about a monsoon, says Gaius. But it may have been a lagoon. And blueshine, so we believe he may be underwater.

Well, he is a lobster, says Barb.

I wonder if I could prevail upon you to make a trip to the lagoon and see if you can find him, says Gaius. 

May I ask why? says Barb.

Certainly, says Gaius. Du Fresne is our only means of finding out whether the second Tzeet, who is currently missing, has been found. 

Tzeet? says Barb,

Orange-bellied parrot, says Gaius. Apologies. That's our pet name for them.

How sweet, says Barb. It sounds like their alarm cry.

It is based on their alarm cry, says Gaius. 

We Friends of Melaleuca love our little community of orange-bellied parrots, says Barb. We monitor them all though the summer. Dear little creatures. Did you know they were endangered?

Of course! says Gaius. Hence my concern.

Very well, says Barb. I'll go to the lagoon and look for your lobster. Is there a message?

Yes, says Gaius. Come out of the water, and get in touch. Your last message was garbled.

Simple enough, says Barb. Of course he may be out there in the middle. And I'm not entitled to use the paperbark canoe.

Pity, says Gaius.

I'll figure out something, says Barb. We Friends of Melaleuca are resourceful.

Gaius is relieved.

He imagines Barb borrowing an inflatable canoe from someone. Paddling out to the middle. Looking down into the tea-coloured water, seeing Du Fresne.......

Du Fresne surfacing, and clambering into the inflatable canoe. Barb making sure Du Fresne doesn't rip it....and so on.

So You're Lost

It's a female orange-bellied parrot.

Is it you? asks the Tzeet.

I might ask the same question, says the female orange-bellied parrot.

Doesn't she know?

You are not my brother's sweetheart? asks the Tzeet.

Brother? Sweetheart? says the female orange-bellied parrot, who appears not to know who he is, nor his brother, nor his Sweetheart.

Never mind, says the Tzeet. 

I just got here, says the female orange-bellied parrot. Was that you singing?

Yes, says the Tzeet. I'm trying to attract someone who knows me.

Does it have to be someone who knows you? asks the female orange-bellied parrot.

There's a search party looking for me, says the Tzeet. And a reward.

So you're lost, says the female. What an idiot!

She is about to fly off. Who wants to mate with someone who doesn't know where he is?

What chance would their children have of finding their way back to Adelaide in the winter?

She hesitates.

On the other hand, most of the orange-bellied parrots she's met so far already have partners.

And there is the reward to think of.

She turns back.

I'll wait with you, says she.

The quoll returns, his mouth full of brown feathers.

Ith thith ther? says the quoll, seeing the female.

No, says the Tzeet. It's a new one. She answered my call.

The quoll spits out a long curly feather.

What's that you've been eating? asks the female.

A plump tasty emu wren, says the quoll. What's it to you?

Nothing, says the female. Pretty feather.

Want it? asks the quoll. Take it.

She picks it up with her beak.

Does it suit me?

The Tzeet is shocked. What sort of female is she?

Come on, says the quoll. The reward awaits. Let's hope it divides into three equal parts.

They head off together, with confidence.

Unaware that there is no reward.

Where I Last Saw Sweetheart

Monsoon? says Gaius. In Tasmania?

That does seem strange, says Baudin.

What else could Du Fresne have been saying? asks Gaius. What is blueshine?

Let's look at this from a nautical angle, says Baudin. 

Yes, says Gaius. Blueshine is possibly water. What is the monsoon?

A lagoon? suggests Baudin. Perhaps he is in one.

The paperbark canoe! says Gaius. Surely he hasn't tried to commandeer it again.

He decides to call Barb, of the Friends Of Melaleuca.

What was her number?.....

Drat! He doesn't have it. 

This may take some time.

....

Meanwhile the quoll and the Tzeet are making their way to the spot where the quoll last saw Sweetheart.

She was here, says the quoll.

Should we wait? asks the Tzeet. Did she say she'd be returning?

No, says the quoll. But I don't think she'd come far. How about singing loudly?

Singing? says the Tzeet. Okay.

He doesn't start singing.

Go on, says the quoll.

What to sing? says the Tzeet.

Do you have a mating song? asks the quoll.

That would be inappropriate, says the Tzeet.

Huh? says the quoll. 

If she comes, says the Tzeet. She'll think I....

So what, says the quoll. Don't overthink things, that's my motto.

I like that, says the Tzeet.

He sings a mating song loudly.

Twiddly-dee!

Nice, says the quoll. Now we wait and see what happens.

Nothing happens.

Maybe it's me, says the quoll. I'll head off and look for some dinner.

What about me? says the Tzeet.

Don't push your luck, says the quoll. I'll be back shortly.

He goes off to look for something brown, plump and tasty.

The Tzeet sings again.

Twiddly-dee!

Flutter flutter!

O! Look who's coming!

 

Out Of Blueshine

Du Fresne, at the bottom of the lagoon, rubs his soft parts.

He watches the unexpected stone move away.

How can this happen?

Is it not a stone? Is it a turtle?

No it's a stone, tied with....yes!... familiar string.

The work of the aunties!

He looks up. 

The paperbark canoe is still above him. 

Plonk! 

The canoe moves slowly away.

Perhaps the aunties are simply trying to recover the canoe.

And are unaware he is under it, moulting

Mais alors! He has quite enough problems.

His discarded carapace lies beside him and it is crackling.

Not crackling, bloobling.

No doubt Baudin is trying to get through.

He reaches out to fiddle wih a protuberance. 

Damn thing never worked well under water.

Blooble-bloo.

He hears something faintly.

Du Fresne, where are you?

He pulls the cracked carapace towards him, and speaks:

Du Fresne here. I'm out of action temporarily. The search party has gone on without me. More news soon.

Baudin, in the Adelaide International Bird Sanctuary with Gaius, receives the following message:

Booble boo here out of blueshine bomblearily blub blub without me monsoon.

At last says Baudin. A message from Du Fresne.

Excellent, says Gaius. What is it?

He is out of blueshine bomblearily, says Baudin. Due to the monsoon.

Are you sure? asks Gaius. It sounds garbled.

He may be transmitting underwater, says Baudin. 

 

Easing Soft Parts Through Cracks

The Tzeet flies back to the quoll, who is waiting at the edge of the lagoon.

Game over, says the Tzeet. The lobster is moulting.

How long will that take? asks the quoll.

Beats me, says the Tzeet. I know little about lobsters.

Goodbye reward, says the quoll.

But it wasn't the lobster who was offering it, says the Tzeet. Someone else was.

O yes! says the quoll. We need to find out who it was.

Any ideas? asks the Tzeet.

Your brother's partner knew something, says the quoll.

Where did you meet her? asks the Tzeet.

Back there, says the quoll, pointing.

Let's go, says the Tzeet.

What about the canoe? asks the quoll. We can't leave it floating.

Yes, we can, says the Tzeet. 

They head off in the direction that the quoll has just pointed.

rustle rustle crack! shh!

A sound! (as of three aunties walking through the bush, softly) 

The quoll shoots up a tree. The Tzeet is there already.

Auntie Doreen: You girls see what I see?

Auntie Leena: Told you we couldn't trust that lobster.

Auntie Flora: I see the canoe, but no lobster.

Auntie Doreen: You still got that string?

Auntie Leena: Yep! 

Auntie Doreen: Everyone look for a stone.

Auntie Flora: How about this one?

Auntie Doreen: Good. Now tie the string round it and chuck it into the canoe. Then we'll be able to drag it back to its proper position.

Auntie Leena: Ready. Here goes! Aw! Missed it.

Auntie Doreen: Pull it back. Have another go! 

Auntie Leena: Okay!

Auntie Flora: Good one, Leena!

The aunties begin dragging the canoe to the shore.

The quoll and the Tzeet, seeing the aunties are occupied, continue their journey.

This is all good so far.

Except, under the water, Captain Du Fresne, in the process of easing his soft parts out through the cracks in his carapace, has been struck by an unexpected stone, attached to a string. 

 

I Was Oooh Hurrr Wurrr

 I'd better go, says the spotted-tailed quoll. I need to collect my reward.

What's it for? asks the Tzeet.

Finding you, says the quoll.

What is it and who's giving it? asks the Tzeet.

It was a ride in the canoe, says the quoll, but it's something else now.

That's not how rewards work, says the Tzeet.

You'd better be wrong, says the quoll.

So who's giving it? asks the Tzeet. That lobster?

The quoll realises he doesn't have that information.

Call him over, suggests the Tzeet.

He has to wait for a breeze, says the quoll. You're a bird. Why don't you fly over?

Okay, says the Tzeet.

This will give him something to do.

He flies to the middle of the lagoon and lands on the prow of the paperbark canoe.

It rocks gently.

Du Fresne has been dreaming of high winds and hornpipes, and feeling tight in the tummy.

He opens his eyes.

Looking for me? asks the Tzeet.

To know that, I need to question you further, says Du Fresne.

Go ahead, says the Tzeet.

Did you arrive in Tasmania by ferry? asks Du Fresne.

I came to Tasmania by ferry, then flew here, with my brother, says the Tzeet. Soon after that, he found a partner and began to fit in.

He did? says Du Fresne. I assume then, you didn't.

I didn't, says the Tzeet, as I explained to your crew member, with the teeth.

And then you went missing, says Du Fresne. That is understandable.

So I'm the one you are looking for? asks the Tzeet.

You are, says Du Fresne.

And there's a reward for finding me? says the Tzeet.

Not that I know of, says Du Fresne. 

Then your crew member was lying, says the Tzeet. 

He may be referring to something I said, says Du Fresne.

The Tzeet is determined to get to the bottom of this.

After all, he may be entitled to a reward for returning.

It's not a ride in this canoe, is it? asks the Tzeet. 

Who would want that? says Du Fresne, shifting uncomfortably. 

No one, says the Tzeet. 

I had no intention of seeking you, says Du Fresne, after I'd located your brother. 

What? says the Tzeet. But you're here, aren't you?

You ruined everything by going missing, says Du Fresne. My mission was over. I was oooh hurrr wurrrr.

Are you all right? asks the Tzeet.

Nurrrr, says Du Fresne. Ooogg. I suspect my annual moult is beginning. 

He clambers out of the canoe and slips gently into the water.

The Tzeet watches the bubbles as they rise to the surface and pop.