Fuffles And Hoots

What did he say? asks Terence.

WTF, says Surfing-with-Whales.

What does that mean? asks Terence.

He was probably amazed, says Surfing-with-Whales.

Or like me, he was surprised you allowed Terence to enter the water, says Gaius.

It was relatively safe, says Philosopher Smith. We were there.

Yeah, says Surfing-with-Whales. Maybe the photo makes it look worse than it is.

He takes another look at the photo.

Terence is knee deep in creek water. Beside him, a platypus, grinning.

The water looks bubbly, but there is no sign of the poisonous spur.

Nah, says Surfing-with-Whales. He just wrote WTF because he was too lazy to write Amazeballs!

I knew he'd like it, says Terence.

More cheese, James? asks Gaius.

Philosopher Smith takes more cheese.

Gaius opens a bottle of water.

It is growing dark at the Waratah campsite. 

Other campers have returned to their tents.

I should be going, says Philosopher Smith. Who wants to join me?

Me! says Terence.

We'll all go, says Gaius. There's safety in numbers.

They follow Philosopher Smith to the start of the trail.

It's an easy trail in the daytime.

But at night not so much.

The trees grope with their hairy branches.

There are slippery fungi to avoid.

Rustlings in the undergrowth. 

Fuffles. Hoot-hoots.

Metal steps with wooden railings leading up into blackness.

Who'd like to go first? asks Philosopher Smith. You, Terence?

Not Terence, says Gaius. Terence will follow Surfing-with-Whales, and I'll go behind him.

Like a baby, says Terence.

Better safe than sorry, says Gaius.

They ascend the dark ladder to the viewing point.

There it is, says Philosopher Smith. Impressive isn't it?

The waterfall tumbles over rocks and down to the deep depths of nowhere.

White foam illuminating the way.

Terence leans over the railing.

He sees a fallen dead tree, poised near the top of the waterfall.

Makes you think, doesn't it, says Philosopher Smith.

Think what? asks Terence.

Perhaps not you, says Philosopher Smith.

I'm thinking, says Terence.

Me too, says Surfing-with-Whales. That dead tree looks like it's been there for ever.

So it does, says Gaius. One might think the waterfall would have dislodged it by now.

Waterfalls have their own logistics, says Philosopher Smith. Both rapid and slow.

At the same time, says Gaius.

Yeah, cool, says Surfing-with-Whales.

Amazeballs, says Terence.

To prove he had been thinking, after all.

Tin Philosophy

They walk back to the campsite together.

Gaius has cut up the cheese and set out a few apples, in a pleasing formation.

We've got a guest, says Surfing-with-Whales. 

Guests are always welcome, says Gaius. 

Not poisonous ones, says Terence. 

Even poisonous ones are welcome, says Gaius. 

A fellow philosopher, I see, says James Philosopher Smith.

A natural historian, says Gaius. Gaius Plinius Secundus.

James Philosopher Smith, says the Philosopher.

Pleased to meet you, says Gaius. I trust you like cheese.

I do, says James Philosopher Smith. And I'm fond of apples.

He takes one.

Sit down, says Gaius. Make yourself comfy.

Guess what? says Terence.

You spotted a platypus? says Gaius.

He did, says Surfing-with-Whales. 

He shows Gaius the photo.

Gaius is not quite as pleased as Terence might have expected.

You went into the water! says Gaius. 

I was careful, says Terence. And we made friends. 

He was careful, says Surfing-with-Whales. 

Can you send the photo to Sweezus? asks Terence.

Yeah, why not, says Surfing-with-Whales.

He sends the photo of Terence and the platypus to Sweezus.

Do you live hereabouts, James? asks Gaius, munching his first slice of cheese.

Since 1871, says Philosopher Smith. When I discovered tin in the area, at Mount Bischoff.

Ha ha! laughs Terence. Mount Bischoff!

Was there much of it? asks Gaius.

A great deal, says Philosopher Smith. It became the biggest tin mine in the southern hemisphere, but I'd sold my shares before that.

I see why you became a philosopher, says Gaius. 

Yeah, says Surfing-with-Whales. You must've missed out on a fortune.

Philosopher Smith takes a last bite of his apple, and reaches for cheese.

He nods philosophically.

We're going up to look at the falls after this, says Surfing-with-Whales.

In the dark? asks Gaius. 

Yay! says Terence. 

It won't be dark for ages, says Surfing-with-Whales.

His phone dings with a message from Sweezus.

WTF!

They've Got Venom

Yes, it is a platypus, says the Philosopher. You spotted it.

My job is done, says Terence.

He turns to go back down the track.

Surfing-with-Whales is walking up it.

I spotted one! shouts Terence.

A growling noise comes from behind him

Terence turns again.

It wasn't me, says the Philosopher. 

Surfing-with-Whales is now here.

G'day, says Surfing-with-Whales to the Philosopher.

Good day to you, says the Philosopher.

I see you've already met Terence, says Surfing-with-Whales.

So it would seem, says the Philosopher. But I didn't know his name was Terence.

It was, says Terence.

And still is, I presume, says the Philosopher.

Terence ignores this ridiculous statement.

Look! says Terence, pointing to the creek where the platypus is sporting.

Or was.

It is now glaring at the intruders and growling.

They do that, says the Philosopher. Time to move on. They have venom.

Shit! says Surfing-with-Whales. I wanted to get a photo.

What's venom? asks Terence.

Poison, says Surfing-with-Whales. And it doesn't look friendly.

Terence walks across to the creek bank.

The platypus growls.

Where's your venom? asks Terence.

In my back foot, growls the platypus.

Can I see it? asks Terence.

The platypus turns and shows Terence its poisonous spur.

Same! says Terence, showing the platypus his claw. 

Is yours poisonous? asks the platypus.

No, says Terence. That would be stupid. 

Why? asks the platypus. 

Every time I ate something I'd die, says Terence. 

You don't look like someone who would die, says the platypus.

I'm not, says Terence. Okay. But I might give someone something and they might die accidentally.

At least my venom's in my foot, says the platypus. No chance of me dying accidentally.

That's good, says Terence. Are we friends now?

I suppose so, says the platypus.

Let's have a photo together! says Terence.

He steps carefully into the water.

Surfing-with-Whales takes a photo. 

That should be a fine one, says the Philosopher. 

Yeah, says Surfing-with-Whales. Well, we'd better head back to our campsite. 

Not going up to look at my falls? asks the Philosopher.

Your falls? asks Surfing-with-Whales. Are you the Philosopher they're named after?

James 'Philosopher' Smith at your service, says James 'Philosopher' Smith.

Cool! says Surfing-with-Whales. Yeah well, maybe after supper. Wanna come back with us? We've got cheese.

Only cheese? 

Nevertheless, James 'Philosopher' Smith accepts the invitation.

I'm The Philosopher

Terence runs ahead. 

He is platypus-spotting.

He sees a sign with a P, followed by some other letters.

The sign points to a trail. 

Terence thinks about waiting for Surfing-with-Whales before starting out on it.

But why should he? 

Surfing-with-Whales can read, and will know where Terence is going.

Terence sets off up the trail.

What is holding Surfing-with-Whales up, we might wonder?

Could it be his foot, which is hurting again, since the reiki scabs have rubbed off after putting his shoes on?

Or perhaps he has spotted a platypus.

Terence continues up the trail on his own.

Up and up. 

He wonders to himself what a platypus looks like.

He should have asked Gaius. Too late now.

He hears the sound of rushing water.

He sees an old man, standing at the side of the trail.

The old man is tall and thin, with white hair and a bushy white beard like a grandpa.

Hello, young fellow, says the old man.

Hello, says Terence. Are you looking for a platypus?

No, says the old man. Are you?

Yes, says Terence. Do you know what they look like?

Yes, says the old man. Do you?

No, says Terence.

Then, says the old man, how will you know when you see one?

 I'll ask it, says Terence.

And you expect it to answer? says the old man. It may remain silent. 

Terence can't believe that would happen.

I know this trail goes to where they are, says Terence. 

How do you know that? asks the old man.

I saw the P sign, says Terence.

Philosopher Falls, says the old man. That's what that sign is for.

How do you know? asks Terence.

I'm the Philosopher the falls are named after, says the old man.

Like Vello and David, says Terence.

Who are they? asks the old man.

What you said, says Terence. Famous ones. Are you famous?

Only hereabouts, says the old man. 

Okay, says Terence. I have to keep looking for a platypus. 

Do you want me to tell you what they look like? asks the old philosopher.

Okay, says Terence.

About this size, says the philosopher. And furry. With a duck bill and a beaver tail and otter feet. 

Yikes! says Terence. Is that one?

He points to a sleek brown creature moving back and forth in the creek at the side of the trail.

Platypus-Spotting

What are you looking at? asks Gaius.

Not AT, says Terence. FOR.

So what are you looking for? asks Gaius.

A parrot, says Terence.

Any particular type of parrot? asks Gaius.

No, says Terence.

You may like to look for a swift parrot, says Gaius. They are critically endangered and sightings need to be logged.

Okay, says Terence. 

He continues standing there, looking.

Come along, says Gaius. We must get to Waratah before evening.

Want me to look too? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

We should all keep our eyes open, says Gaius.

Thet head for the Waratah highway.

What do they look like? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

Bright green, with a blue patch on top, says Gaius.

Too easy, says Surfing-with-Whales.

Then what? asks Terence.

What do you mean then what? asks Gaius.

If I see one, says Terence.

Perhaps it will be attracted to you, says Gaius.

Why would it? asks Terence.

You could try making swift parrot calls, says Gaius. Chit chit!

Chit-chit! says Terence.

Three or four times in succession, says Gaius.

Chit chit! chit chit! chit chit! chitters Terence.

This is fun.

But if there are any swift parrots nearby, they remain unattracted.

Soon they arrive in Waratah, an old tin mining town.

A sign points to a caravan and campsite.

We'll stop there for the night, says Gaius.

The campsite turns out to be at the side of Lake Waratah.

This is cool, says Surfing-with-Whales. I might go swimming.

He drops his bike and his back pack and runs towards the water.

No swimming, says a man who is fishing. You'll scare off the trout.

Sorry, says Surfing-with Whales. So what's to do beside fishing?

Plenty, says the man. You could try platypus-spotting......

Yeah right, says Surfing-with-Whales.

By the way, says the man. You pay your camping fees at the post office.

Okay, says Surfing-with-Whales. 

He heads back to Gaius and Terence.

No swimming, says Surfing with-Whales. But there's platypus-spotting.

Perhaps you'd like to take Terence platypus-spotting, while I cut up the cheese, says Gaius. 

Yay! says Terence. I always wanted to go platypus-spotting.

Come on then, says Surfing-with-Whales.

Sharp Crumbly Person

They are not far from Burnie.

I look forward to buying the cheese, says Gaius.

Yeah? Me too, says Surfing-with-Whales. I had a dream about it. 

While you slept under the pine tree? asks Gaius.

Yep, says Surfing-with-Whales. But that's not the reason.

What then? asks Gaius.

Mum wants me to buy her one, says Surfing-with-Whales.

You're not thinking of buying it now are you? says Gaius. And traipsing it half way across Tasmania?

Didn't think of that, says Surfing-with-Whales. 

It's up to you, of course, says Gaius.

Are we there yet? asks Terence.

He has just seen a sign that says Burnie. 

The B of which he could read.

Yes! says Gaius. Good spotting Terence! And the Heritage Cheese Factory is just down the road. 

They head towards it.

They arrive at the cheese sales door.

Leaving their bikes outside, they go in.

It's cool in the cheese shop. There are cheeses of different colours, aromas and textures to try. 

Gaius tries a few. Creamy ones Smelly ones.

But he still prefers cheddar.

 May I help you? asks a cheese expert, coming up behind him.

I seek a tasty cheddar, says Gaius,

You strike me as a sharp and crumbly person, says the cheese expert. Try this one.

It's a Mersey Valley classic cheddar, sharp and crumbly.

I'll take it, sys Gaius.

Just the one? asks the expert.

She looks at Surfing-with-Whales, who is looking undecided.

Got one with green peppercorns? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

An afficionado, I see, says the cheese expert. 

She shows him a green peppercorn cheddar.

How long would it keep? asks Surfing with-Whales.

Theoretically, for years, says the cheese expert. Assuming you don't open it. But it's best before some time next April.

Awesome, says Surfing-with-Whales. I'll take it.

Just the one? asks the cheese expert, ever hopeful.

It's a gift for my mum, says Surfing-with-Whales.

Then I assume you'll be paying for it, says Gaius. 

I can't use mum's credit card for a gift for herself, says Surfing-with-Whales.

Hmm, says Gaius. All right, I'll get it, but if we find ourselves lacking food for any reason, we're eating it.

Sure. Thanks, man, says Surfing-with-Whales.

Gaius pays for two cheeses and looks around for Terence.

Where is he?

He has gone back outside.

Yes there he is, looking up at the sky, in hopes of seeing a parrot.

He's Already Had It

Surfing-with-Whales falls asleep under the tree.

The wind in the branches....whoo,  the roar of the ocean....shhrummm. 

He dreams about cheese.

In the dream he is in a specialty cheeseshop in Burnie.

He is choosing a cheese.

He chooses green peppercorn cheddar, sharp and crumbly.

But why does the cheese looks familiar?

A vintage mountain bike approaches, pulling a pullalong.

Terence's voice can be heard.

Are we there yet?

Not yet, says Gaius. But nearly.

Will Surfing-with-Whales be there? asks Terence.

He should be, says Gaius.

What's that? asks Terence.

What's what? asks Gaius.

Someone lying under a tree, says Terence. We just went past him.

I was concentrating on the road, says Gaius. Perhaps we should turn back and see.

Yes, says Terence. 

Gaius turns around and cycles back to the tree.

It is obvious now that the person is Surfing-with-Whales, sleeping under the tree.

His feet are bare, and he is muttering.

Wake up! says Gaius. You'll be missing your reiki session wih Lauren.

Whaaa..? says Surfing-with-Whales. 

Reiki, says Gaius.

Yeah, nah, I've already had it, says Surfing-with-Whales. That's why I stopped here.

Is it better? asks Terence.

Surfing-with-Whales sits up and looks at his cement burn.

It has scabbed nicely.

It worked! says Surfing-with-Whales.

Gaius nods. It may well have. Almost as well as a poultice.

Woo hoo! says Terence. Can we go now?

Yes, says Gaius. It's not far to Burnie.

Yeah, says Surfing-with-Whales, putting his shoes on. Remind me when we get there to buy cheese.

Excellent idea, says Gaius. I too shall buy cheese. It will serve us for dinner, when we stop for the night in a forest.

Cool, says Surfing-with-Whales.

Are we camping? asks Terence.

Yes, says Gaius. We'll make camp after passing through Waratah.

They continue their journey to Burnie.

Where they plan to buy cheese.

Omm Before Cheese

I guess it's my turn to pull Terence, says Surfing-with-Whales.

It is, says Gaius, but you have a sore foot, so I'll do it.

Yeah thanks, says Surfing-with-Whales. I'll get going and meet you in Burnie.

He heads off, in the direction of Burnie.

Time to say goodbye to Baby Bin Penguin, says Gaius.

Goodbye, says Baby Bin Penguin.

Goodbye, says Terence. 

Will you be back soon? asks Baby Bin Penguin.

I don't know, says Terence. 

We'll be returning this way, says Gaius. I don't know when exactly.

See you again then, says Baby Bin Penguin.

You should think up some better jokes, while I'm gone, says Terence.

So should you, says Baby Bin Penguin.

I thought your jokes were quite good, says Gaius.

Thanks, says Baby Bin Penguin.

He meant my jokes, says Terence.

I didn't, says Gaius, lifting Terence into the pullalong, and wedging the skateboard behind him. 

He rides off, in the direction of Burnie.

How's that, Terence? asks Gaius. Can you see better?

No, says Terence. All I can see is your bottom.

Look to your right, at the ocean, says Gaius.

Okay, says Terence.

The ocean is choppy today, with fast-moving white tops,

Surfing-with-Whales is way ahead of them, but has not not yet reached Burnie.

He looks at his watch.

Only five minutes until the reiki. Should he stop and lie down?

Yeah his foot hurts anyway. 

He stops at a tall pine tree, leans his bike against it and sits on the grass.

He looks out at the choppy ocean, awaiting the phone call.

He takes off his shoe and examines his foot. He wriggles his toes

Come on Lauren. 

His phone rings

It's me, says his mother. Are you sitting somewhere comfortable?

Yeah, mum, says Surfing-with-Whales.

Describe the ambience, says Lauren.

A pine tree, says Surfing-with-Whales. I'm under it. The sea's over there, kind of choppy.

Lovely, says Lauren. Now relax and receive my vibrations.

Surfing-with-Whales tries to relax and receive her vibrations.

But he can't stop thinking about that time she did the same thing for Nietszche, and afterwards, when Nietszche had to borrow his boardshorts.

This stops the vibrations from working as well as they might.

Omm omm omm, says Lauren. Sit up now. Your foot should feel better. Does it?

Yeah, thanks ma, says Surfing-with-Whales. Heaps better.

It does actually. In spite of old Nietszche.

How are things otherwise? asks Lauren. Where are you? 

Nearly in Burnie, says Surfing-with-Whales.

Don't they make cheese there? asks Lauren.

Probably, says Surfing-with-Whales.

Pick some up for me, says Lauren. I love Tassie cheese.

A Trick At Best Point

Are we ready to continue our journey? asks Gaius.

I want to show Baby Bin Penguin my knee scrapes, says Terence.

All right, says Gaius. Bring your skateboard.

He and Terence go back to where Baby Bin Penguin is waiting.

Did you see me? asks Terence.

Yes, says Baby Bin Penguin. 

How did I look? asks Terence.

At what point? asks Baby Bin Penguin.

At my best point, says Terence.

At your best point you looked like you were doing a trick, says Baby Bin Penguin.

I was, says Terence.

Bu it didn't last long, says Baby Bin Penguin.

I know, says Terence. I went down the steps. Look at my knee scrapes.

Which ones are knee scrapes? asks Baby Bin Penguin.

All of them, says Terence. 

I wish I could ride on a skateboard, says Baby Bin Penguin.

Me too, says Terence.

You just did, says Baby Bin Penguin.

But not on the road, says Terence. Gaius said I couldn't.

Of course I did, says Gaius. Imagine.

Terence imagines himself speeding along the road to wherever they're going.

Whee! 

How good would that be?

I wonder why Surfing-with-Whales isn't coming? says Gaius.

He gives him a wave.

Surfing-with-Whales is sitting on the grass near the steps, making a phone call.

Yeah, the right one. Yeah okay. When? No worries. Thanks, ma.

He gets up and limps over.

Hurt your foot? asks Gaius.

Cement burn, says Surfing-with-Whales. 

I could make you a poultice, says Gaius.

No need, says Surfing-with-Whales. Mum's going to fix it.

But she's not here, says Gaius.

Level two reiki, says Surfing-with-Whales. She does long distance healing.

Has she done it before? asks Gaius.

Not on me, says Surfing-with-Whales. 

I suppose you have nothing to lose, says Gaius. Can you cycle to Burnie while she does it?

I should probably keep still, says Surfing-with-Whales. But she's busy in the craft shop, so I've got fifteen minutes.

We can be in Burnie by then, says Gaius. 

(They can. But they'll need to ride fast).

Skateboard Scrapes

Terence coasts along a narrow path on his skateboard.

Gathering speed all the time

Heading for the steps that lead down to the sand.

Yikes! 

He's approaching the top one!

How do you stop a skateboard?

He can't remember.

Kerthump, kerthump! 

He executes a fast descent to the sand.

At the end of which he lies in the sand next to his skateboard.

The skateboard is upside down, wheels spinning.

At least you can see the dragons. That's something.

Terence sits up.

Surfing-with-Whales is running towards him.

Sheez, Terence! says Surfing-with-Whales. Are you injured?

No, says Terence. I forgot how to stop.

I'll show you, says Surfing-with-Whales. Let's go up to the top.

He helps Terence up the steps, then goes back for the skateboard.

Stand here and watch me, says Surfing-with-Whales.

He takes the skateboard a few metres up the path, jumps on, and heads for the steps.

Just before he draws level with Terence, he puts his foot down on the pavement. 

And comes to a halt.

Now I remember, says Terence.

Have a go, says Surfing-with-Whales.

Terence takes the surfboard a bit further away, hops on, and careers towards the top step.

He puts his foot down. 

Sparks fly, before he tumbles head first down the steps.

Gaius comes over.

What happened? asks Gaius.

My fault, says Surfing-with-Whales. It probably wasn't the best spot for a lesson on stopping.

Gaius goes down the steps to see if Terence is all right.

Nothing broken? asks Gaius.

No, says Terence. And now I know how to stop on a skateboard. 

Well done, says Gaius. But you do have some knee scrapes.

Terence looks at his knee scrapes.

Skateboard scrapes. He can't wait to show them to Baby Bin Penguin.

He and Gaius climb back up the steps.

Surfing-with-Whales is sitting on the grass massaging his foot.

The one he used for stopping the skateboard.

He was not  wearing shoes, at the time.

Talk To Me While You're Here

Gaius finishes his apple and takes out the glue.

He spreads glue on the end of the claw, and on Terence's hand, where the claw goes.

He presses the claw into place.

Keep still, Terence, says Gaius. Don't move till I say so.

Okay, says Terence. What about talking?

Talking is fine, says Gaius.

Talk to me, says Baby Bin Penguin.

I suppose not many people do that, says Gaius.

I bet they just throw in their apple cores and whatever, says Surfing-with-Whales.

And worse, says Baby Pin Penguin. Sometimes it's stinky old prawns.

Nothing stinks worse than stinky old prawns, agrees Surfing-with-Whales.

I can think of a few things, says Gaius.

I'M supposed to be talking to Baby Bin Penguin, says Terence.

Go ahead, says Surfing-with-Whales. I'm going to check out the water.

Don't be too long, says Gaius. We need to get moving.

Can Baby Bin Penguin come with us? asks Terence.

I doubt it, says Gaius. 

I can't, says Baby Bin Penguin. So talk to me now while you're here.

Okay, says Terence. What's happened since I last saw you?

They moved me to this playground, says Baby Bin Penguin. I used to be nearer my parents.

So did I, says Terence. 

They probably miss me, says Baby Bin Penguin. 

Mine don't, says Terence.

You don't know that, says Gaius.

Saint Joseph used to chase me, with a hammer, says Terence. 

What about your mother? asks Baby Bin Penguin. 

She's the Virgin, says Terence. Know what that means?

What? asks Baby Bin Penguin.

She doesn't do anything, says Terence.

Well, says Gaius. It seems you're both better off now. How is the claw setting, Terence?

Terence moves it, forgetting he isn't supposed to.

But hey! The ten seconds was up some time ago. The claw has set hard, in position.

Excellent! says Gaius. Everything is as it should be. And you'll be able to ride in the pullalong without your view being blocked by the skateboard.

Can I ride on the skateboard instead? asks Terence.

Do you know how? asks Baby Bin Penguin.

Course I do, says Terence. I'll show you.

He steps onto the skateboard.......

What Flies Think

Terence is freed from his skateboard.

There it lies on the grass.

What's that thing stuck to your skateboard? asks Baby Bin Penguin.

Terence looks at the thing.

My claw! cries Terence. 

It should come away easily, says Gaius. 

He pulls at the claw. 

It comes away easily.

The wonders of vinegar, says Gaius.

Now what? asks Terence.

I think there's some super glue left, says Gaius. We'll glue it on properly next time.

When's next time? asks Terence.

After I've eaten my apple, says Gaius.

He opens the bag of apples he bought at the same time as the glue.

Offers one to Surfing-with-Whales. 

Surfing-with-Whales takes one, and bites into it. Crunch!

Terence remembers the red snake in his pocket. 

He tries pulling it out.

It is stuck to his gecko shorts, but eventually comes away.

He starts sucking, to soften it up.

What's that? Furry gecko short fibres! He tries spitting them out.

What's wrong? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

Terence keeps spitting.

Looks like something for me, says Baby Bin Penguin.

Terence throws his red snake into Baby Bin Penguin.

Two flies follow it in.

Get out! cries Baby Bin Penguin.

Who? asks Terence.

The flies! says Baby Bin Penguin. 

Aren't you used to them? asks Gaius.

No, says Baby Bin Penguin. Ants might be fun, but flies aren't.

One of the flies buzzes out of Baby Bin Penguin.

Time flies when your having fun, says the fly, in a fly voice.

The other fly comes out straight away.

And time's fun when you're having flies, says the second fly.

That's what they think, says Baby Bin Penguin. 

Weird Places Where It Might Happen

Surfing-with-Whales comes back with two coffees.

He hands one to Gaius.

What do I get? asks Terence.

I thought you still had that snake, says Surfing-with-Whales.

It dried up, says Terence.

Nothing that sucking won't soften, says Gaius. But first things first. Is your hand any looser?

Yes, says Terence, wiggling his hand.

Keep it up, says Gaius.

Surfing-with-Whales sits down on the grass.

Baby Bin Penguin has been entertaining us with jokes and riddles, says Gaius.

Penguin jokes? asks Surfing-with-Whales. 

Surprisingly, no, says Gaius. His riddle was a question regarding the nature of perception.

With the wrong answer, says Terence.

Darkness, says Baby Bin Penguin. The answer was right.

It was, says Gaius. But it confused Terence. The second one was probably more to his liking.

No it wasn't, says Terence. That one was lame.

Yeah? says Surfing-with-Whales, slurping his coffee. What was it?

Ants have anty bodies, says Terence. That's not even funny.

Another one that might need explaining, says Gaius. 

Let me ask one, says Terence. What's black and white and black and white and black and white?

Me, rolling down a hill, says Baby Bin Penguin. Except I can't do it.

YOU weren't meant to answer, says Terence.

You didn't say that, says Baby Bin Penguin. Anyway, everyone knows that joke.

That's why it's a good joke, says Terence.

My turn, says Gaius. Where does today come before yesterday?

Terence and Baby Bin Penguin have no idea.

Surfing-with-Whales tries to think of weird places where that might happen.

The Arctic circle? No. Even there, it's always today.

Like everywhere else he can think of. 

You'd better tell us, says Surfing-with-Whales.

In the dictionary, says Gaius. 

Surfing-with-Whales thinks this is clever. Yeah. In the dictionary. T before Y! 

Baby Bin Penguin is laughing. Hwark! Hwark!

Look at him, pretending he gets it.

Terence kicks Baby Bin Penguin. 

Ding! The effort forces Terence backwards.

His palm comes away from the skateboard.

What a good outcome!

Gaius's joke has proved entirely successful.

Why Do Ants?

Terence tries wiggling his hand again.

Any more movement? asks Gaius.

Maybe, says Terence.

Keep trying, says Gaius.

Want another joke? asks Baby Bin Penguin.

Not yet, says Terence. I'm still thinking about the last one.

I knew you didn't get it, says Baby Bin Penguin.

I did get it, says Terence. But you told us the answer before I could say.

You only got it after I said it, says Baby Bin Penguin.

Gaius said I got it before you said it, says Terence.

I didn't say that, says Gaius. I said I thought you would get it. Would you like to know why?

Yes, says Terence. Then we'll all know.

The answer was staring you in the face, says Gaius. Your skateboard.

Terence looks at the skateboard in front of his face. The top side is black, with no dragons.

So what? says Terence. 

The more there is the less you see, says Gaius.

Ha ha! laughs Baby Bin Penguin.

Stop laughing. You gave the wrong answer, says Terence. That's cheating!

No I didn't, says Baby Bin Penguin. 

Moving on, says Gaius. Perhaps Baby Bin Penguin has another joke.

A better one, says Terence. 

This is a good one, says Baby Bin Penguin. Why do ants never get sick?

Is that a penguin joke or a bin joke? asks Terence.

It's an ant joke, says Baby Bin Penguin. 

How come you know an ant joke? asks Terence.

Ants often drop in and out, says Baby Bin Penguin. And we tell jokes to each other.

This will be interesting, says Gaius. I had never considered that ants might get sick, due to contact with rubbish.

So you don't know the answer, says Baby Bin Penguin.

I don't, says Gaius. Do you, Terence?

Do I? asks Terence.

Obviously not, says Gaius. Tell us why ants don't get sick, Baby Bin Penguin.

Because they have little anty bodies, says Baby Bin Penguin.

A fine joke! 

At least, Gaius thinks so.

Darkness Too Soon

Baby Bin Penguin is excited that Terence is coming.

Surfing-with-Whales has told him Terence is stuck to a skateboard, so he won't be surprised.

Also that Terence is being pulled in a pullalong, behind Gaius.

So when Baby Bin Penguin spots Gaius in the distance, pedalling towards him....

It's them! cries Baby Bin Penguin.

Gaius sees Surfing-with-Whales standing beside Baby Bin Penguin, and stops.

We should take turns pulling Terence, says Surfing-with-Whales.

Good idea, says Gaius. 

Where are we? asks Terence.

Terence! squeaks Baby Bin Penguin. You're here!

Yes I'm here, says Terence. I just have to get lifted out of this thing with my skateboard.

Surfing-with-Whales lifts him out, along with the skateboard.

Dragons! says Baby Bin Penguin.

They're just underneath, says Terence. There's nothing on top.

Except you, says Baby Bin Penguin.

I'm stuck to it, says Terence. But Gaius is getting me unstuck with vinegar.

So I am, says Gaius. Let us sit on the grass and get started.

He takes the vinegar out of his back pack.

Shakes a few drops over Terence's hand.

Now we wait for it to soften, says Gaius.

How long? asks Terence.

That depends, says Gaius.

On how good the glue is, adds Surfing-with-Whales.

It was a cheap glue, says Gaius. Which means it may soften easily.

Wiggle it, suggests Baby Bin Penguin.

Terence tries to wiggle his hand but his palm remains stuck to the skateboard.

I'm going to grab a coffee, says Surfing-with-Whales. Want one?

Thanks, says Gaius. 

Surfing-with-Whales goes off, and Gaius lies back on the grass, relaxing.

I missed you, says Baby Bin Penguin.

Me too, says Terence.

Hwark! laughs Baby Bin Penguin. That means you missed you.

No it doesn't, says  Terence. It means I missed you too.

But there's only one of me, says Baby Bin Penguin.

I know, says Terence.

I think Baby Bin Penguin was making a joke, says Gaius. A pun was intended.

He's good at jokes, says Terence. 

Thanks, says Baby Bin Penguin.

Tell me another one, says Terence.

 A penguin joke or a bin joke? asks Baby Bin Penguin.

Any joke, says Terence.

The less there is, the more you see, what is it? asks Baby Bin Penguin.

That's not a joke, says Terence.

It's a riddle, says Gaius. And I think Terence might know the answer. 

Darkness, says Baby Bin Penguin.

That's it! says Gaius. I thought you might have got that one, Terence.

I might have, says Terence.

Every Tree Ever Invented

Nothing on top of the skateboard. Just black.

The dragons are underneath the skateboard.

When he first realised this, Terence was disappointed.

It's not like he does skateboard tricks.

If he could do tricks, people would see under the skateboard when he did one.

And they'd see the dragons.

But anyway, he could learn to do tricks.

Maybe Baby Pin Penguin knows some.

All right back there? asks Gaius. 

No, says Terence. Are we there yet?

Not far, says Gaius. How are you liking the scenery?

What scenery? asks Terence.

Look to your right, says Gaius. The ocean.

Terence looks to the right.

Woop, says Terence. The ocean.

And left, says Gaius. The Tasmanian trees.

Terence looks at the Tasmanian trees.

They look like every tree ever invented.

Penguin is ten minutes away, says Gaius. We'd be there already, if I didn't have to pull you behind me.

Surfing-with-Whales doesn't have to, says Terence. Is he there yet?

Probably, says Gaius. 

He is.

Surfing-with-Whales has reached Penguin.

It's a long time since he last passed through here.

With Gaius and Arthur and Terence and Stew and Ying.

He tries to remember the location of Baby Bin Penguin.

On the esplanade somewhere.

He slows down.

There's a penguin bin outside a café. 

He stops at the bin penguin.

Hey! says Surfing-with-Whales to the bin penguin. Remember me? 

Not really, says the bin penguin. 

Remember Terence? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

Terence! says the bin penguin. That rings a bell. Why don't you ask my wife. She's that bin over there.

Surfing-with-Whales crosses the road to the second bin penguin.

Did I hear you mention Terence? asks the second bin penguin.

Yeah, says Surfing-with-Whales. Remember him?

Yes of course. He was good friends with my son, replies the second bin penguin.

Terence is coming, says Surfing-with-Whales. And he wants to catch up. Where's your son?

Fifty metres west, in front of the playground, says the second bin penguin. Oh, he'll be so excited!

Thanks, says Surfing-with-Whales.

Got any rubbish? asks the second bin penguin.

But Surfing-with-Whales is already cycling away.

He stops beside Baby Bin Penguin.

Guess who's coming? says Surfing-with-Whales.

Another boring old person with rubbish, says Baby Bin Penguin

No, a cool surprise, says Surfing-with-Whales. 

Should he warn Baby Bin Penguin that Terence is stuck to a skateboard and looks a bit different?

Happy Travels Except For Me

Gaius pays for two weeks hire of two vintage mountain bikes, and a pullalong, plus a deposit. 

The skateboard is free.

Damo attaches the pullalong to Gaius's bike.

Surfing-with-Whales lifts Terence and his skateboard into it.

How's that? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

I can't see, says Terence. Why does my skateboard have to be in front of my face?

Because you're stuck to it, temporarily, says Gaius. 

What if I sit on it? asks Terence.

You'd be sitting on your hand, says Damo.

I wouldn't care, says Terence.

And you'd be on an angle, says Surfing-with-Whales.

Why? asks Terence.

We'll show you, says Surfing-with-Whales.

He lifts Terence while Damo tries to slide the skateboard under Terence's bottom.

His leg's in the way, says Damo. 

That's one way to put it.

Terence hand is now between his legs, and the skate board is at an angle, due to the length of the pullalong

Continue? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

NO! cries Terence. 

Right, says Gaius. I think Terence has realised that he must sit with the skateboard upright in front of his face until we can lay our hands on some vinegar.

Cool, says Surfing-with-Whales.

He and Damo return Terence to his original position.

Okay guys, says Damo. Happy travels!

Except for me, says Terence.

Many thanks, Damo! says Gaius.

He and Surfing-with-Whales wheel their bikes and the pullalong out through the door.

They head to Coles.

Gaius leaves the others outside and goes in.

He comes out with some vinegar, and a large bag of apples.

Lunch, says Gaius. We'll have it in Penguin. And also deal with Terence's situation.

Penguin! says Terence. Is that where Baby Bin Penguin lives?

It is, says Gaius. I thought you might like to stop there.

Yippee! says Terence. I love Baby Bin Penguin!

How come? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

He knows heaps of penguin jokes, says Terence.

I know a few myself, says Surfing-with-Whales.

He gets on his vintage mountain bike and starts off towards Penguin.

Gaius follows, pulling Terence and the skateboard behind him..

Terence stares at the skateboard in front of his face.

This all started because he wanted to see what the top of it looked like.

At least now he knows.

Dragons Underneath

Surfing-with Whales squeezes the glue onto Terence's claw.

He hands it to Terence.

Terence presses the claw into the space on his hand.

Hold it in place for ten seconds, says Surfing-with-Whales.

How long is ten seconds? asks Terence.

We'll tell you, says Gaius.

Terence looks around Damo's office.

That must be Damo's skateboard, propped up next to his seat.

It's a cool skateboard with dragons on it. And that's just underneath. 

Five seconds, says Surfing-with-Whales.

Terence wonders what's on the top side of the skateboard.

If he turned it, he'd see.

He reaches out to turn the skateboard, just a little.

Terence! says Gaius. Your ten seconds isn't up yet!

Too late. Terence remembers.

He was supposed to press down on his claw till ten seconds was up.

The claw has slipped sideways out of position but, bumhole! there's worse!

The glue must have dripped into the palm of his hand.

Because his hand is now stuck to the skateboard,

Two seconds! says Surfing-with-Whales. Quick! Take your hand off!

I'm not taking my hand off, says Terence.

Off the skateboard, says Surfing-with-Whales.

Gaius foresees trouble. Terence's hand stuck to Damo's skateboard. The paintwork ruined. Damo wanting compensation. 

But Damo is laughing.

It's not funny, says Terence. I'm stuck to this skateboard.

Don't tell me you didn't do it on purpose, says Damo.

Okay, says Terence.

Did you do it on purpose? asks Gaius.

I can't tell you, says Terence. 

You can tell me, says Gaius. Damo didn't mean that you couldn't.

No, says Terence. It was an accident. Now what?

You can have it, kid, says Damo. I'm getting a new one. 

Yay! says Terence. Except not yay, because I can't even use it.

Not until we unstick you, says Gaius. What a nuisance.

What dissolves super glue? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

WD-40, says Damo. I've got some. Wait, what's the kid made of?

Cement, says Gaius.

Ooh, says Damo. Might be risky.

Wah! cries Terence.

We'll try vinegar, says Gaius. 

You got any? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

No, says Gaius. 

Me either, says Damo.

Looks like Terence will have to stay stuck for a while.

You Have Ten Seconds

Six am.

The Spirit of Tasmania docks in Devonport.

Gaius, Surfing with-Whales and Terence wait at the ramp to get off.

The queue starts to move.

...

Now to look for a hardware store, says Gaius. Then a bicycle hire shop.

You guys get the glue, says Surfing-with-Whales. I'll find a bike shop.

That will save time, says Gaius. Send me the address, and we'll meet there. Don't sign anything until I arrive.

As if, says Surfing-with-Whales, getting his phone out. 

He searches for  'bike hire in Devonport'.

Gaius and Terence head off to find glue.

Ah! says Gaius. A Coles Supermarket. They'll have it.

They enter the Coles, and look for the glue section

Here we are says Gaius. Supa Glue, Fix n' Go. Only three dollars.

Yay! says Terence. 

They go to the checkout where Gaius pays for the glue.

Can we do it now? asks Terence.

I suppose so, says Gaius. Where is your claw?

Wah! says Terence. It's in Surfing-with-Whales's pocket!

Never mind, says Gaius. We'll be meeting him soon.

He checks his phone. Surfing-with-Whales has sent him an address.

It's not far away.

Here he is! says Surfing-with-Whales. This is Gaius.

Hi Gaius, says the bike hire guy. I'm Damo. 

He's got these cool vintage mountain bikes for hire, says Surfing-with-Whales.

Let's see them, says Gaius. Yes, very nice. What's the weekly hire rate"

Seventy eight dollars a week, says Damo. What about the little guy?

I'm having a scooter, says Terence.

Damo laughs.

Thought you were going to Macquarie Harbour, says Damo.

We are, says Gaius. He's not having a scooter.

I could give you a basket to fix to the front, says Damo. Or one of those pull-alongs. Slow you down though.

I'm not going in a basket, says Terence. And what about my claw?

Yeah, says Surfing-with-Whales. Did you guys get the glue?

We did, says Gaius. Only three dollars!

What's happening? asks Damo.

We need to stick his claw back on, says Surfing-with-Whales, taking it out of his pocker.

To his credit, Damo does not ask any questions.

Wanna sit in my office and do it? asks Damo.

Thanks, mate, says Surfing-with-Whales.

They follow Damo into the office and sit Terence down on a chair.

Surfing-with-Whales twists the lid off the glue.

Hold the claw, Terence, says Surfing-with-Whales. When I squeeze glue on the end, you position it. If you get it wrong you have ten seconds to change it before it dries hard.

Ten seconds. Sounds good.

Plenty of time to make everything perfect.

Farky Dream

At five thirty, Gaius wakes up.

Something or someone has poked him.

What time is it? asks Gaius.

Time to wake up, says Terence.

Five thirty, says Surfing-with-Whales.

Why am I facing your feet? Have you...... no, it's me, says Gaius. I recall now.

Yeah, says Surfing-with-Whales. You didn't look all that comfy.

Maybe not, says Gaius, but at least I'm rested. 

We stayed awake, says Terence. We were talking.

Hmm, says Gaius. Not, by any chance, about Farky?

It was about Farky, says Surfing-with-Whales. 

Farky, says Gaius. That explains it!

What? asks Terence.

I had a dream about Farky, says Gaius. 

Where was he? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

Swimming, says Gaius. Next to some sharks.

Did he escape? asks Terence.

I don't know, says Gaius. I was woken before anything happened.

Can you go back to sleep again? asks Terence.

It doesn't work that way, says Gaius. I'm awake now, and we'll be docking in Devonport shortly. 

He heads off to join the queue for the rest rooms.

Maybe Farky got eaten by sharks, says Terence.

Nah, says Surfing-with-Whales. Farky had those omniscient teeth. He wouldn't've gone swimming.

You don't know, says Terence.

I know that much, says Surfing-with-Whales.

Gaius returns. 

Now what? asks Terence.

Check we have everything, says Gaius. 

My claw! says Terence.

Check, says Surfing-with-Whales.

My back pack, says Gaius. Check.

And my backpack, says Surfing-with-Whales. Check.

My red snake, says Terence. Check.

Have you still got that? asks Gaius. I suggest you get rid of it.

Can't, says Terence. It's stuck inside my pocket.

We'll prise it out later, says Gaius. Let us proceed to the exit ramp and be among the first off.

Cool, says Surfing-with-Whales. It's good when you don't have a vehicle.

It is indeed, says Gaius. But the first thing we must do in Devonport is... 

Buy glue, says Terence.

Yes, says Gaius, buy glue, of course. And the second thing is hire two sturdy bicycles.

Don't I get one? asks Terence.

No, says Gaius. For a very good reason. 

What about a scooter? asks Terence.

How would that work? asks Gaius.

How? Terence is surprised he doesn't know.