Coquin!

Don't worry, Uncle David, said Belle et Bonne. These things happen all the time.

Not to ME! said Le Bon David. Oh this is dreadful!

What's up, David? asked The VeloDrone, coming into the office.

I've sent Susan a link to a porn site, said Le Bon David.

Good for you, said the VeloDrone. But that's not your usual style.

I didn't do it on purpose, said Le Bon David. In fact, I didn't do it at all.

You can't have it both ways, said the Velodrone.

I was hacked, said Le Bon David. And everyone's been sent the link.

I see, said The VeloDrone, grinning. Have you had any replies?

I don't know, said Le Bon David. Have I had any replies, Belle dear?

Yes, there's one from Jean Jaques Rousseau, said Belle et Bonne. Do you want me to read it?

Le Bon David nodded.

She began to read primly: Coquin! I always knew you had it in for me! Thanks to you I'm in the shit with Therese! JJR.

Haha! laughed The VeloDrone. Serves him right. Are there any more?

Professor Freud, said Belle et Bonne. He's written: Dear David! You surprise me! But better out than in!

Goodness! said Le Bon David. Whatever does he mean by that? Better out than in? Doesn't that usually refer to flatulence?

I don't know, said Belle et Bonne. But oh dear, one's just come in from your Baroness friend.

What does it say? groaned Le Bon David.

It's just a smiley face, said Belle et Bonne. That's all.

The VeloDrone roared with laughter.

A smiley face! said Le Bon David. What do you suppose it means? Did she get it or didn't she? Should I reply? I don't know what to say.

I'll reply for you, Uncle David, said Belle et Bonne. Don't you worry about a thing. Now look, here's a nice invitation for you and papa to attend an opening at the Artspace tonight. Our Mob, it's called. There'll be indigenous art, speeches, dancing and refreshments. I think you should go. It'll cheer you up.

Unley to Stirling

Professor Freud is chatting with Team Existentialist, to whom he has just been introduced.

Professor Freud; It is like this gentlemen. I need some riders to help me with a simple experiment.

Jean Paul Sartre: And it is like this Professor Freud. We are in need of some money, and an additional rider.

Jean-Jacques Rousseau: I see that you yourself are a rider, Professor Freud. May I ask which team you ride for?

Professor Freud: Alas. No team at the present.

Jean Paul Sartre: Then my dear Professor, if you are willing to join our team, and put up a reasonable sum of money, we, as practical existentialists, shall be happy to assist you with your experiment. May I ask what it is?

Professor Freud: I should like you to take one of these stones, and when you are riding at a constant speed, throw it up in the air.

Jean-Jacques Rousseau: To what end, Professor Freud?

Professor Freud: To this end. I wish to confirm the truth of Galileo's Laws of Constant Velocity and Projectile Motion. I wish to do this for an article I am writing for the magazine Velosophy, with whose editors we are mutually acquainted.

Jean Paul Sartre: Now wait a minute, Professor Freud. What is it that you expect to happen when the stones come down?

Professor Freud: Would you care to hazard a guess?

Jean-Jacques Rousseau: They'll drop behind us of course.

Jean-Paul Sartre: No, no, they won't. I'll wager that they fall directly on our heads.

Professor Freud: How very fascinating, gentlemen, that you disagree. The answer is not obvious at all. But Galileo predicts the stones will fall upon your heads.

Jean-Jacques Rousseau: Fascinating it may be, but I should not care to risk stones falling on my head. However, this will not happen. The stones will fall behind us. How fortunate for the others that we are always at the back of the peloton.