Unley to Stirling

Professor Freud is chatting with Team Existentialist, to whom he has just been introduced.

Professor Freud; It is like this gentlemen. I need some riders to help me with a simple experiment.

Jean Paul Sartre: And it is like this Professor Freud. We are in need of some money, and an additional rider.

Jean-Jacques Rousseau: I see that you yourself are a rider, Professor Freud. May I ask which team you ride for?

Professor Freud: Alas. No team at the present.

Jean Paul Sartre: Then my dear Professor, if you are willing to join our team, and put up a reasonable sum of money, we, as practical existentialists, shall be happy to assist you with your experiment. May I ask what it is?

Professor Freud: I should like you to take one of these stones, and when you are riding at a constant speed, throw it up in the air.

Jean-Jacques Rousseau: To what end, Professor Freud?

Professor Freud: To this end. I wish to confirm the truth of Galileo's Laws of Constant Velocity and Projectile Motion. I wish to do this for an article I am writing for the magazine Velosophy, with whose editors we are mutually acquainted.

Jean Paul Sartre: Now wait a minute, Professor Freud. What is it that you expect to happen when the stones come down?

Professor Freud: Would you care to hazard a guess?

Jean-Jacques Rousseau: They'll drop behind us of course.

Jean-Paul Sartre: No, no, they won't. I'll wager that they fall directly on our heads.

Professor Freud: How very fascinating, gentlemen, that you disagree. The answer is not obvious at all. But Galileo predicts the stones will fall upon your heads.

Jean-Jacques Rousseau: Fascinating it may be, but I should not care to risk stones falling on my head. However, this will not happen. The stones will fall behind us. How fortunate for the others that we are always at the back of the peloton.

Iced Coffee

We ought to have entered this ourselves, said the Velodrone. Why on earth didn't we?

Forgot it was on, said Le Bon David gloomily. Until it was too late.

Look, there's Jean-Jacques Rousseau over there with Jean Paul Sartre. They must have remembered.

Yes, said Le Bon David. Team Existentialist! What a joke! They'll never be able to agree on anything. Look at them arguing already over their breakfast. Let's sneak over and see if we can hear what they're saying.

The VeloDrone and Le Bon David sidle over to the cafe table where Rousseau and Sartre are deep in discussion under a colourful umbrella. They sit down at the next table with their backs towards Team Existentialist, and their ears open.

Jean-Jacques Rousseau: What's this you've got me! Farmers Union Iced Coffee? I can't drink this!

Jean Paul Sartre: Yes you can. It's a South Australian icon. All the locals drink it. If we're seen drinking it, who knows, we might get a sponsorship deal.

Jean-Jacques: Sacre Bleu! It tastes like a drink for a baby! And why aren't you drinking it yourself?

Jean Paul Sartre: It gives me bad gas. But at least I have it on the table in front of me. I'm sticking to water today.

Jean Jacques: Perhaps I should too. Eh bien! At least the weather here is agreeable. Who else is here by the way?

Jean Paul Sartre: Oh, Lance Armstrong with his new team, and Cadel Evans with his. Everyone has a new team. New bikes, new shoes, new sunnies, new jerseys, everything. What an event this is going to be!

Jean Jacques: Yes.....but wait a minute. New bikes, new shoes, new sunnies, new jerseys? How come we don't have those?

Jean Paul Sartre: Drink up your Farmers Union Iced Coffee, my friend, and then we shall see!

Jean-Jacques: Burrrp!

Rousseau's Dog

Phil Liggett: Well, Jean-Jacques Rousseau, what do you think of your chances after today's time trials?

Jean-Jacques: Not so good Phil. I've had a terrible day, thanks to my so-called team mates letting me down badly yesterday.

Phil: Ah yes, David Hume seemed to be riding for himself, I noticed. He took off up the Col de Romme like a man possessed.

Jean-Jacques: The devil take him! He doesn't believe in the connection between cause and effect. That the sun won't rise tomorrow is to him just as likely as that it will. He rates the destruction of the universe equally with the scratching of his finger. But I blame myself. I should have known he wouldn't be a team player.

Phil: And what about your other team mate, Voltaire? You seemed to be as thick as thieves yesterday. What went wrong there?

Jean-Jacques: Voltaire! I detest him! He is the one who said every man is guilty of the good he did not do. Hah! Then he is guilty of not sharing his Power Bars and electrolytic drinks with me after I had tragically dropped mine and they were consumed by a dog!

Phil: Tragic indeed!

Jean-Jacques: Particularly as it was my own dog. And now poor Sultan has the flux! Voltaire of course, found the situation absurdly funny, and rode off laughing.

Phil: All in all, a couple of bad days for you then, Jean-Jacques.

Jean-Jacques: It's the story of my life. Disloyalty, persecution, you name it. I'm looking at a completely new team next year. Jean-Paul Sartre is interested. I'm sure I'll get on better with an existentialist. He'll just do what he has to do.

Phil: Well, better luck tomorrow, Jean-Jacques, and all the best to Team Philosophe.

Jean-Jacques: Thanks, Phil. Now I'm off to spend some quality time with dear old Sultan.