Not Smugglers

At five to six, Gaius wakes up.

You woke up! says Terence. We were supposed to wake you.

Well, now you won't need to, says Gaius.

We cleaned your bike, says Terence.

And we scared off the spiders, says Prong.

Excellent! says Gaius. Now I'll just pump up my tyres, eat an apple, buy a ticket to Barcelona and then we'll go and see Belle.

He goes outside and pumps up his tyres. 

He hopes they stay up.

He eats a a shrivelled apple that has been in the fruit bowl since the day he left for Canberra. 

Intense flavour, this apple, says Gaius. Will you eat the seeds, Prong?

Yes I will, thanks says Prong.

What do I get? asks Terence.

Belle will have something, says Gaius. 

He sits at the table, takes out his phone and buys a ticket to Barcelona.

It is expensive. The flight takes 22 hours with one stop in Shanghai.

He checks his bike tyres. Good. They've stayed up.

Ready Terence? asks Gaius.

Yes he is ready. So is Prong. 

Gaius cycles to the Velosophy office in the city, with Terence and Prong in his backpack.

Belle is the only one there.

Gaius! says Belle. And Terence! And this must be Prong!

Right on all counts, says Gaius.

Here's Prong's passport, says Belle. It's lucky about the whiskers.

She'll be a spy parrot, says Terence.

Why is it lucky about the whiskers? asks Gaius.

No one will accuse you of smuggling a native species out of the country, says Belle.

I hadn't thought of that, says Gaius. 

We're smugglers! says Terence.

No you're not, says Belle. With those curly whiskers, Prong's an exotic.

To all appearances, says Gaius. 

Where are the whiskers? asks Belle.

Curses! says Gaius. In Katherine's handbag!

You'd better get them before you fly out, says Belle. When are you leaving?

This evening, says Gaius. On Air China.

It sounds like we're on the same flight, says Belle. 

How fortuitous, says Gaius. Are Vello and David on it too?

They're already in Barcelona, says Belle. I stayed behind to wait for Surfing-with-Whales and make sure he gets there in time for the race.

I see, says Gaius. Where is he?

Picking up his new wheels, says Belle.

Have you got any red drinks? asks Terence.

Of course I have, says Belle.

She finds him a Ribena.

Gaius calls Katherine, about the curly whiskers in her handbag.

I'll bring them to the office, says Katherine. Wait there.

But I have things to do, says Gaius. Wash my kit, and flatpack my bike. Perhaps you could leave the whiskers with Belle. We're on the same flight to Barcelona.

All right, says Katherine. Good luck, Gaius! 

Thank you, Katherine, says Gaius. 

But he does not think he will need it. 

Everything has worked out so well.

A Bike Full Of Spiders

Katherine has dropped Gaius at his place and gone home to hers.

Gaius makes his way in the dark to his back garden shed.

His bike is covered in spider webs. 

And the tyres have gone flat.

He'll have to deal with those things in the morning.

He wheels his bike to the back door.

He goes inside and looks at the clock. Four am.

It IS morning.

But too early to go and see Belle.

I'll sleep for two hours, says Gaius. Wake me at six am, Terence.

Okay, says Terence. 

Gaius goes to bed

Terence and Prong look at the bicycle through the back window.

Let's clean it, says Terence.

What with? asks Prong.

Anything, says Terence.

He goes outside. Prong follows.

There is a box of old rags in a box at the corner.

Terence picks up a rag.

Prong picks one up too.

They start wiping spider webs from the wheels and the frame of the bicycle.

Several spiders jump off and start running.

Terence and Prong keep on wiping.

Did you see them jump off and start running? asks Terence.

Yes I saw them, says Prong. I wonder where they're going?

There goes another one, says Terence. You should follow it.

Okay, says Prong. She follows the running spider.

Stop! says Prong.

The running spider stops running.

What? asks the spider.

Where are you going? asks Prong.

Anywhere to get away from the underpants, says the spider.

Were we using underpants? asks Prong.

Neither Prong nor Terence had shaken out the rags and seen they were underpants.

Yes, says the spider.

Prong goes back to Terence to tell him.

They decide to stop cleaning the bike.

Is it six am yet? asks Terence.

Nearly, says Prong.

How nearly? asks Terence. 

Five am, says Prong.

So they have an hour before they're allowed to wake Gaius.

They play Cannot But Be.

Terence asks Prong this good question:

What if your bike's full of spiders?

Prong doesn't know.

Cannot but be bitten on the BUM! says Terence.

They both laugh loudly.

Somehow the underpants have made it even more funny.

A Day In The Future

Terence has had to take off his potato costume, to drink his red smoothie.

Katherine and Gaius eat their chips and drink coffee.

Prong picks at her defrosted purple berry mush.

Gaius's phone pings.

Ping!

It's a message from Belle.

How's this for a new parrot passport?

Gaius looks at the photo she's sent.

It's a copy of Mouldy's old one, with alterations.

Male has been replaced with female.

Mouldy's photo has been replaced by the photo of Prong.

The one with the whiskers.

That could be a problem, says Gaius. 

What? asks Katherine.

Prong doesn't have curly whiskers, says Gaius.

I do have them, says Prong.

Yes she does, says Katherine. Remember, Minnie made some with starched wool.

Prong can hardly go about wearing them, says Gaius.

It'd just be at the airport, says Katherine. And again coming home.

Where are they? asks Prong.

In my handbag, says Katherine. Minnie said don't get them wet.

Well Prong, are you willing to wear the starched whiskers when you go through security? asks Gaius.

Yes I am, says Prong

Like a spy, says Terence. Can I wear whiskers too?

No, says Gaius. You have your own passport, with a photo that looks just like you.

Is it me? asks Terence.

Of course it's you, says Gaius.

A photo of you, says Katherine. 

We could draw whiskers on it and then I could wear whiskers, says Terence.

A spy wouldn't do that, says Prong.

Terence is impressed that Prong knows what a spy wouldn't do.

So are we agreed that this parrot passport is suitable? asks Gaius.

Katherine looks at it again.

Yes, it is signed by Professor Isidore, director of the Jardin des Plants in Paris.

And no, it has not yet expired.

Agreed, says Katherine.

Gaius sends Belle a message:

Good work Belle, and thanks. I'll drop by and pick it up from your office in the morning. 

Now, says Katherine, we'd better be going.

They go out to her car.

We forgot the potato costume, says Prong.

Terence goes back for it.

He is thinking about a day in the future, when he might want to wear it, but he couldn't because he didn't know where it was because it was at the Pinnaroo roadhouse, or would be, if it wasn't for Prong.

A Purple-ish Mush

Katherine stops at the Pinnaroo roadhouse.

I remember this roadhouse, says Gaius. They made flavoursome chips.

They did, says Katherine. And Terence had a ......

Red potato smoothie! says Terence. Can I have one now?

I don't see why not, says Gaius.

They enter the roadhouse.

What can I get you? asks the roadhouse attendant.

Two large chips and a red potato smoothie, says Gaius. 

And two coffees says Katherine.

And something for my parrot, says Terence. My parrot likes seeds and berries.

Frozen berries? asks the assistant. That's all I've got.

Perhaps you could defrost them, says Gaius.

All right, says the assistant. But they tend to go mushy.

Prong won't mind, says Terence.

I know you from somewhere, says the assistant, opening the freezer.

Me? asks Terence.

You had a potato costume, says the assistant. 

So he did, says Gaius. What happened to it?

It's probably in the boot of my car, says Katherine. 

What if it isn't? asks Terence.

Go and look, says Katherine. She gives Terence the keys.

The assistant begins defrosting berries, frying chips, and whizzing up mashed potato with Ribena.

Prong is waiting outside. She doesn't know she is getting mushy defrosted berries. She sniffs the air. And smells chips.

What's that smell? asks Prong.

Chips, says Terence. Come with me.

Prong follows him to the back of Katherine's car.

Terence tries opening the boot with the keys.

Finally he finds the correct one.

Pop! The boot opens. 

Yes. There is the potato costume tucked between a suitcase and a backpack.

Help me put it on, says Terence.

This is the first task that Terence has asked Prong to do.

(Except for some things that were practice).

And it's difficult, because the potato costume has to go over his head.

At least Terence knows where his arms go.

By the time they enter the roadhouse the chips and the smoothie are ready.

And the frozen berries have turned into a purple-ish mush.

Weak At The Knees

Will you remember me? asks Prong.

I don't have to remember you, says Terence.

I mean when I'm a parrot from years  ago, like Mouldy, says Prong.

Yes, says Terence. I'll remember you when it's years ago.

Thank you, says Prong.

Are we there yet? asks Terence.

We'll arrive late tonight, says Katherine. Even later, if we're stopping for dinner.

I think we should stop for dinner, says Gaius. 

All right, says Katherine. We'll stop in Pinnaroo.

Was that where I got Prawny, asks Terence.

No, says Katherine.

See, says Terence. I remembered Prawny.

Of course you did, says Gaius. It was a short time ago.

It's funny we don't remember Mouldy, says Katherine.

A few things are coming back to me, says Gaius. He was one of three pebbles Terence encountered.

Which one? asks Terence.

The mouldy one, says Gaius. And he travelled with us for a time.

A pebble? says Prong. How did he do as a parrot?

Perhaps Belle will have unearthed more information, says Gaius. She's going to look at her M file.

Why EM file? asks Terence.

M for Mouldy, says Katherine.

To Terence, that doesn't sound right.

.... 

But it is right, and Belle has found her M file.

It contains Mouldy's parrot passport, as well as a few bits and pieces.

A receipt for a tiny bicycle. A short poem by Terence.

A note from the Hong Kong police: Wanted: Mouldy. Last seen cycling across the Sea Bridge from Hong Kong to China, on a bike. 

Belle looks at Mouldy's passport photo and compares it to the one Gaius has sent her of Prong.

Mouldy's beak looks unusual. 

Yes she remembers it now. Mouldy had no beak, and so two false red fingernails had been attached to his face, with fish glue.

And a few feathers, obtained from ...who?

And Prong. She seems to have curly whiskers, unusual in a parrot.

She looks nothing like Mouldy.

But so what? All Belle has to do is change the photo on Mouldy's passport.

Easy. 

She looks again at Terence's poem:

la la la three good things/ about Mouldy's beak / his voice is longer/ his smell is stronger/ if you kiss him his knees will go weak.

In My M File

Belle has a lot of things to do. 

And now Arthur has asked her to organise a parrot passport.

There's no time to apply for a new one.

She calls Gaius.

Belle! says Gaius. How delightful!

Yes, says Belle. I hear you're joining team Condor.

I am, says Gaius. And I hear Surfing-with-Whales has joined Team Philosophe.

Don't remind me! says Belle. 

I'm sure they'll be a great combination, says Gaius. No doubt his presence will make them go faster.

Everyone's saying that, says Belle. But no one's said why.

Well, he is younger, says Gaius. And probably fitter.

But he's not a philosopher, says Belle. He might not fit in.

Nonsense, says Gaius. I'm not a philosopher, but no one ever told me I didn't fit in.

You were reliable, says Belle. And you ARE philosophical. 

Thank you for saying so, says Gaius. I suppose if anything, I'm a stoic.

Exactly, says Belle. By the way, are you still in Canberra?

No, says Gaius. As a matter of fact, we are on our way back to Adelaide. Katherine has kindly cut short her holiday, and is driving us home.

Great, says Belle. Is Terence with you?

Yes he is, along with his new parrot, says Gaius. Her name is Prong.

That's useful to know, says Belle. Arthur was asking me about a parrot passport. 

Was he? asks Gaius. I thought he was dealing with the parrot passport himself.

You know Arthur, says Belle. 

I suppose he thought you might have one on file somewhere, says Gaius.

I might, says Belle, but it was a long time ago. Do you remember which of Terence's parrots it was for?

Gaius thinks back. 

It may have been Mouldy, says Gaius.

Mouldy! says Belle. Yes it was. We had to make him look like a parrot.

Prong already looks like a parrot, says Gaius.

That should make things simpler, says Belle. I'll see if I've got Mouldy's old passport in my M file.

Excellent, says Gaius. I'll send you a photo of Prong.

Thanks, Gaius, says Belle. See you soon. Bye.

Goodbye, says Gaius.

Was that Belle on the phone? asks Katherine.

Yes, Arthur has organised a parrot passport for Prong, says Gaius.

It sounded like Belle was going to do it, says Katherine.

She may have Mouldy's old passport on file, says Gaius.

Mouldy! says Terence. What happened to Mouldy?

But it was years ago, and no one remembers.

Prong wonders if she should be worried.

They'll Go Faster

Sweezus and Arthur have begun their intensive training program.

They are in a cafe in Norwood.

Good coffee, says Sweezus.

Not bad, agrees Arthur.

Sweezus's phone rings.

It's Surfing-with-Whales.

Hey man! says Surfing-with-Whales. You in the city?

In Norwood, says Sweezus. About to start intensive training.

Shit yeah, says Surfing-with-Whales. I should think about doing that too.

How come? asks Sweezus. 

Barcelona, says Surfing-with-Whales. I've been selected.

Selected, says Sweezus. Who by? Don't they know you?

Very funny, says Surfing-with-Whales. I heard you got let down by Pablo. Thought you might ask me.

Gaius put his hand up, says Sweezus. He's reliable and he pays for himself.

Yeah well, Team Philosophe asked me, says Surfing-with-Whales. 

You have to be kidding, says Sweezus.

What? asks Arthur.

Surfing-with-Whales is riding for Team Philosophe, says Sweezus.

Good for him, says Arthur. They'll go faster.

What did Arthur say? asks Surfing-with-Whales. 

He reckons with you in the team they'll go faster, says Sweezus.

Did he say why? asks Surfing-with-Whales.

No he didn't, says Sweezus. 

Ask him, says Surfing-with-Whales.

Ask him yourself mate, says Sweezus. Hey, why don't we catch up? Do intensive training together.

Cool, says Surfing-with-Whales. Just got to buy a new bike first. Haven't ridden for ages.

No worries, says Sweezus. Get Vello to pay for it.

Good plan, says Surfing-with Whales. See ya later.

Yeah, see ya, says Sweezus.

Sweezus is about to put his phone away when he remembers the funny parrot photo Gaius sent him.

He shows it to Arthur.

Is that Terence's new parrot ? asks Arthur.

I reckon, says Sweezus. Oh yeah, and Gaius wants you to get it a passport.

Why me? asks Arthur.

Dunno. I guess he thinks you're a fixer, says Sweezus. 

Arthur frowns. A fixer. It means people expect him to do stuff.

But he doesn't feel like making the effort for a parrot passport.

He will have to ask Belle.

The Scoundrel

Do I have a passport? asks Terence.

I hope so, says Gaius. I don't want to have to get you one as well.

Sometimes I go in the overhead locker, says Terence.

How awful! says Minnie.

Why is it awful? asks Prong.

It's dark and rumbly, says Terence. With no snacks.

You have hardly ever had to go in an overhead locker, says Gaius. 

Cheese toastie? asks Minnie.

Yes please, says Gaius.

I'll make it, says Margaret.

She starts cutting slices of cheese.

Really Gaius, you ought to find out if you're going, says Katherine.

I know that, says Gaius. It seems there was some sort of mixup.

A mixup with Pablo? says Katherine. Has he replied yet to anyone?

I'm still in the dark, says Gaius.

I'll phone David, says Katherine . He must have heard something by now.

She calls David.

Mother! says David. How was the National Gallery?

Thrilling, says Katherine. We saw a spectacular parrot with curly whiskers.

That sounds less than thrilling, says David.

It was a New Acquisition, says Katherine. Any news about Pablo?

The worst, says David. Vello is spitting chips.

Why? asks Katherine. What's happened?

Pablo's riding for Movistar, says David.

What a scoundrel, says Katherine. So you'll need Gaius.

Gaius is about to chomp into his toastie, but stops.

No, says David, Vello wants new blood. He's going to ask Surfing-with-Whales.

You're joking, says Katherine. 

I know he's unreliable, says David. 

Well anyway, it's all good news for Gaius, says Katherine.

Yes mother, says David. Well I must be off now. Vello and I have an intensive training schedule.

I bet, says Katherine.

What did he say? asks Gaius, through a mouthful of cheese.

They're asking Surfing-with-Whales, says Katherine. Which means Sweezus will have to ask you.

Then why hasn't he? wonders Gaius.

Ask him, says Katherine.

Why not?

Gaius calls Sweezus.

I was just about to call you, says Sweezus. You still available?

I am, says Gaius. 

Great, says Sweezus. Can you buy your own ticket?

I suppose so, says Gaius. Can you check with Arthur about the parrot passport?

What parrot passport? asks Sweezus.

For Terence's parrot, says Gaius. I'll send you a photo.

Yeah okay, says Sweezus. No worries.

He promptly forgets about the parrot passport, as he has an intensive training program to start on.

So he is surprised sometime later when his phone pings.

Ping! 

WTF! A parrot with whiskers!

Proof That It Happened

 So are you done with the bell frogs? asks Katherine.

I am, says Gaius. I just need to write up my notes.

I'll help you, says Margaret.

No need, says Gaius. I shall do it. Perhaps you could add a corroborating note when I've finished. 

Pity you didn't film the funeral, says Margaret.

Don't rub it in, says Gaius.

So there's no proof that it happened? says Minnie.

We saw it happen, says Margaret. 

I wish I saw it happen, says Terence.

Never mind, says Katherine. You came to the National Gallery and smuggled Prong past an attendant.

How did he do that? asks Gaius. 

In his shorts, says Katherine.

Where's Prong now? asks Margaret.

Outside getting fresh air, says Terence. 

I'd like to hear her side of the story, says Gaius.

I'll get her, says Terence.

He goes out of Minnie's front door and comes back with Prong.

Tell us about the National Gallery, Prong, says Gaius.

I got curly whiskers! says Prong.

I don't see them, says Gaius. Did they drop off?

Katherine takes out her phone and shows Gaius and Margaret the photo of Prong in front of the New Acquisition.

The one in which Prong appears to have curly whiskers.

What's that behind you? asks Margaret.

An art-parrot, says Prong.

Now you're an art-parrot, says Gaius. You should keep that photo.

Yes. She might need it for her parrot passport, says Katherine. 

It won't do for that, says Gaius. Prong doesn't have curly whiskers.

I wish I did, says Prong.

We could make her some, says Terence.

No we couldn't says Gaius.

I probably could, says Minnie. I have plenty of  leftover wool.

Do you knit? asks Katherine. How clever!

I don't want knitted whiskers, says Prong.

Don't worry I won't knit them, says Minnie. I'll cut strands, curl them and starch them. But you can't get them wet.

Yay! says Terence. I told you you'd get curly whiskers.

Prong is elated.

Curly whiskers! To match her passport photo. Who cares if she can't get them wet?

Fascinating Display

The bell frogs have halted, after forming a circle around the grass pile covering Prawny.

One of them speaks:

Goodbye Prawny, I am the bell frog who did not eat you. Much good did that do.

Another one speaks:

I am his neighbour. Goodbye Prawny.

The first one speaks again:

Is that all you're planning on saying?

The neighbour speaks again: Yes.

The other twenty five bell frogs croak in unison:

Rrrr! Rrrr! Rrrr!

They disperse, towards their pyramids and holes.

The funeral seems to be over.

That was a fascinating display of bell frog behaviour, says Gaius. Curses! I wish I had filmed it.

Write it down in your notebook, says Margaret. 

Who will believe me? says Gaius.

I can attest to it, says Margaret. 

That might help, I suppose, says Gaius. 

Let's go back to Minnie's for lunch, says Margaret.

Didn't we bring anything? asks Gaius.

No, we didn't, says Margaret.

They head back to Minnie's, on bikes.

Katherine and Minnie are already there, making cheese toasties.

How were the frogs? asks Katherine.

You won't believe this, says Margaret.

I thought you were going to attest to the story, says Gaius.

I am, says Margaret. The frogs were holding a funeral for Prawny..

Katherine and Minnie look sceptical.

Terence comes in.

Guess what? says Terence.

You guess what, says Katherine.

What? asks Terence.

The bell frogs held a funeral for Prawny, says Katherine. Ask Gaius and Margaret.

Did they say a poem? asks Terence.

In a manner of speaking, says Gaius. The first speaker claimed to be the one who didn't eat Prawny, but added much good did that do.

What does that mean? asks Terence.

It means he may as well have eaten Prawny, says Margaret.

That was a rubbish poem! says Terence. 

It may have been intended as a sorrowful remark, says Gaius.

Did anyone say anything else? asks Terence.

Another bell frog claimed he was the neighbour, says Gaius..

And he said Goodbye Prawny, says Margaret.

So he did, says Gaius. Thank you, Margaret.

That was the shortest poem ever, says Terence.

Everyone agrees that it was.

We All Have Plans

When will you people be leaving? asks the green and golden bell frog.

When we have counted at least thirty of your species, says Gaius.

How many have you counted already? asks the green and golden bell frog.

Three, plus you, says Gaius. Unless you were one of the three.

Maybe I was, maybe I wasn't, says the green and golden bell frog. How would I know?

Where were you five minutes ago? asks Margaret.

Good question, says Gaius. Do you know?

Of course I know, says the green and golden bell frog.

Will you tell us? says Margaret. The sooner we get up to thirty, the sooner we'll leave.

Not necessarily, says Gaius. I may have further questions.

That's not the impression you gave, says the green and golden bell frog.

Apologies, says Gaius. My intentions are benign.

Why do you want us to leave? asks Margaret.  

We have plans, says the green and golden bell frog.

We all have plans, says Margaret.

I know, says the green and golden bell frog. I was listening.

Oh? says Gaius. What did you hear?

Subtext, says the green and golden bell frog.

I don't believe that for a minute, says Margaret.

YOU want to be his girlfriend and HE wants to get rid of you, says the green and golden bell frog.

Ha ha! laughs Gaius, in an awkward way, that makes Margaret suspicious.

But no, the bell frog is wrong. The trip to Mawson Ponds has been going so well.

Ha ha! laughs Margaret, in a confident manner.

Gaius is relieved.

Do your plans involve us not being here? asks Gaius.

Yes, says the bell frog. We're planning a funeral.

Not one of your own, I hope! says Gaius. Is it the chytrid fungus?

No, says the bell frog. It is Prawny, next to whom you are sitting, in case you don't know.

Jumping Jupiter! says Gaius. This is interesting! Were you all fond of Prawny?

We were, says the bell frog. He was plucky.

He was, says Gaius. He was a friend of ours too.

I suppose you could stay and observe, if you move back a little, says the bell frog.

We'd be honoured, says Gaius.

We would, agrees Margaret.

When is this funeral? asks Gaius. 

Now, says the bell frog. Stand back.

Gaius and Margaret move back.

At least twenty seven bell frogs emerge from various black brick-holes and plastic heat-trapping pyramids and line up to file past the heap of grass covering plucky dead Prawny.

A sight which is movingly solemn.

Confrontations

Gaius is at Mawson Ponds with Margaret.

Prawny is decomposing nearby.

How many have you counted? asks Margaret.

Three, says Gaius. And then only glimpses.

Weren't there supposed to be thirty? asks Margaret.

There were thirty released initially, says Gaius.

Perhaps our presence is putting them off, says Margaret.

Perhaps, says Gaius. Why don't you go and look elsewhere?

Why don't you? asks Margaret.

They remain where they are, near the grass pile under which lies dead Prawny. 

Gaius's phone rings.

It's Sweezus. 

Hey! says Sweezus. About the Tour in July.

What about it? says Gaius. 

You said you're available, says Sweezus. 

I did say that, says Gaius. 

It's just, there's been a mixup, says Sweezus. We might need you.

Might, says Gaius.

Yeah well, we were going to ask Pablo, but turns out Vello's already asked him.

Pablo? In Team Philosophe? says Gaius.

Yeah but he hasn't replied yet, says Sweezus.

To them? asks Gaius.

To them, says Sweezus. Could be waiting for a better offer.

Have you offered? asks Gaius.

Reckon I should? asks Sweezus. Don't want to cross Vello.

All's fair in sport, says Gaius.

Yeah, says Sweezus.

I'll be on standby, of course, says Gaius. But if I don't go, I trust you'll take Terence and Prong.

No worries, says Sweezus. 

Remember, parrot passport required, says Gaius.

Sure, says Sweezus. Okay, I'll get back to you.

He calls Pablo.

But Pablo doesn't answer.

All's fair in sport? says Margaret.

I just said that to encourage him, says Gaius. 

Why encourage him? asks Margaret.

If he enlists Pablo, then Vello will need an alternative rider, says Gaius.

Namely you, says Margaret. If you go, the parrot passport is your job.

A simple matter, says Gaius. 

Hm, says Margaret.

Ruuurrr, says a green and golden bell frog who has come up behind them.

Aha! says Gaius, turning.

I Wish I Looked Like That

They all gaze at the parrot in New Acqusitions.

It certainly looks like a parrot.

But then again not.

Those teeth, spikes and curly whiskers, says Minnie. 

But the shape of the head, says Katherine.

What do you think, Prong? asks Minnie.

I wish I looked like that, says Prong.

You can see inside its belly, says Terence.

I wouldn't mind, says Prong. And I'd love curly whiskers.

You look good as you are, says Katherine.

We could find you some whiskers, says Terence.

Not here, says Minnie.

Later, says Terence. 

I'll take a photo, says Katherine. Stand in front of it Terence.

Terence stands in front of the New Acquistion with Prong's head poking out from the front of his shorts.

That looks a bit funny, says Katherine. 

It'd look better with Prong on Terence's shoulder, says Minnie.

Okay, says Terence. Come up here, Prong.

Prong squeezes out from the shorts' waistband and claws her way up to Terence's shoulder.

Click! Katherine takes a photo.

Can we see it? asks Terence.

Katherine shows them the photo.

Terence, Prong on his shoulder, and behind them the New Acquistion.

You can see its head but not all of its body.

I'll take another one, says Katherine, This time, stand more to one side.

And then take one so it looks like the curly whiskers are mine,  says Prong.

Oh yes, do, says Minnie. 

All right, says Katherine.

This will be hard to set up.

Terence must stand so Prong's head is directly in front of the head of the New Acquistion, and Prong must then turn her head sideways.

Finally....

That's perfect! says Minnie.

Click! Katherine snaps the photo.

Quick! says Minnie. An attendant is coming!

Prong slips back down into Terence's shorts.

Minnie, Katherine, Terence, and Prong exit the gallery, leaving the New Acquistion to its spiked, toothy, xray-bellied, curly-whiskered existence.

New Acquistions

I don't know much about art, says Prong.

I do, says Terence.

Yes, Prong, says Katherine. Terence is from Barcelona.

Is he? asks Minnie.

Yes I used to live on a palace, says Terence.

On it? says Minnie.

It was the Sagrada Familia, says Katherine.

There were all kinds of animals, says Terence.

Were there parrots? asks Prong.

Millions of parrots, says Terence.

I wish there were some parrots here, says Prong.

There probably are, says Minnie. Let's look for them.

What a good idea, says Katherine. It's good to have some sort of focus.

So they move from gallery to gallery looking for parrots.

....

Meanwhile, back in Adelaide, Arthur has woken.

Ugh! Buuuh! 

His usual first utterings after a night out.

His phone rings.

What? says Arthur.

Tickets for Barcelona, says Sweezus. Did you get them?

Not yet, says Arthur. You haven't told me who's coming.

You and me bro, says Sweezus. I'm going to ask Pablo but he'll already be there.

He's not Spanish, says Arthur. He's from Chile.

Fuck yeah, says Sweezus. Okay, but he won't have to get there from here.

What about Gaius? asks Arthur.

He'll be with Team Philosophe, says Sweezus. 

Okay, says Arthur.

He goes back to sleep for another ten minutes.

Sweezus heads in to work.

He arrives in time to hear Vello lamenting.

When? When will I hear back from Pablo?

And Belle saying, don't worry, I'll call him.

And she tries calling, but Pablo doesn't answer.

Sweezus realises he might have a problem.

....

And back at the National Gallery in Canberra, 

Prong is elated.

They have spotted a spectacular parrot in New Acquistions. 

What Is Vom?

They are in Gallery 14. 

Katherine and Minnie are admiring the photos.

They are photos of family Christmases in the early 2000s.

A Christmas tree in a red bucket.

We had one of those, says Minnie.

A kid in a mask and a Robin suit, posing.

What a glorious expression, says Katherine. 

and then...

Where is Terence? asks Minnie.

Terence has left the gallery.

Katherine walks to the entrance of gallery 14, and looks out.

An attendant is standing there.

Have you seen a young boy with a parrot's head poking out of the front of his shorts? asks Katherine.

The attendant looks as though he is not often asked such a question

Not a real parrot, Katherine adds hastily.

No, madam, says the attendant. Would you like me to put out an alert?

Not yet, says Katherine. He knows where we are.

The  attendant walks off, taking out his walkie-talkie.

Drat, says Katherine. 

What is it? asks Minnie.

I think he's going to put out an alert for Terence, says Katherine.

Do they know about the parrot? asks Minnie.

I said it wasn't a real one, says Katherine.

But they'll soon see it is, says Minnie.

Just then Terence turns up.

Where have you been? asks Katherine.

Looking for a window, says Terence. 

Whatever for? asks Minnie.

To wave out of, says Terence.

At me, says Prong, from the front of Terence's shorts.

(Yes Prong is at the front now, after a difficult journey).

That was if Prong was outside in a tree, says Katherine. But she's here, so you don't need a window.

Now everyone will be looking for you, says Minnie.

Why? asks Terence.

I reported you missing, says Katherine.

I'll go and find the attendant and tell him you're found, says Minnie. You and Prong stay here with Katherine and look at the photos.

Okay, says Terence.

He looks at one of the photos.

It shows a Chrismtas tree in a red bucket, next to a window.

Boring.

The next one shows a man lying down next to a red bucket. You can just see his head.

And there is something yellow in the bucket.

Vom! says Terence.

What's vom? asks Prong.

Minnie returns.

I told him, says Minnie. The alert has been cancelled.

Good, says Katherine. Let's go somewhere else.

Yes, says Terence. This gallery is rubbish.

Prong doesn't think so.

But what does she know about art?

One Of Two Ways

Why do you ask? replies Katherine.

You spoke to it before you entered the gallery, says the attendant.

It's Prong, says Terence. My parrot. She's not allowed in.

It would be better if she waited in a tree, says the attendant. 

She liked the look of the metal ball, says Minnie. Surely a parrot can sit where it chooses?

I'm going to wave to her from a window, says Terence.

Then allow me to recommend a tree, says the attendant.

Very kind, says Katherine.

Yes, very kind, says Minnie. We'll be in the Trent Parke exhibition. Where is it?

Level one, Gallery fourteen, says the attendant.

Thank you, says Minnie.

Can we leave you to direct our parrot to a suitable tree? asks Katherine.

Unforunately not, says the attendant. I'm an indoor attendant.

I'll go, says Terence. Just tell me which tree.

That one should do, says the attendant, pointing to a tree.

Terence runs outside, while Katherine and Minnie wait in the foyer.

Birds! says the attendant. They tend to defecate on the artworks.

It's perfectly natural, says Katherine.

No, it isn't, says the attendant. Not on artworks.  That's why we planted the trees.

Terence comes back inside, slowly.

The attendant looks outside at the metal ball, which is now parrot-free.

Excellent, says the attendant. Enjoy your visit.

Katherine and Minnie head to a staircase. 

Come on Terence, says Katherine. Why are you walking backwards?

Because I want to walk backwards, says Terence.

Up the stairs? asks Minnie.

Yes, says Terence. Maybe I should go first.

They let Terence go first, up the stairs backwards.

Something looks odd.

It's his gecko shorts, which have suddenly got tighter.

You don't suppose...? says Minnie.

Prong's down the back of his shorts, says Katherine.

Am I at the top yet? asks Terence.

Yes, says Minnie. You can turn around now.

Terence turns around. 

Prong's green head emerges from the top of his waistband.

Terence! says Minnie, You've smuggled Prong in.

Yes, says Terence. And no one saw anything.

Are you all right, Prong? asks Katherine.

Yes, says Prong, but I'd rather be at the front than the back.

Understandable, says Katherine. If I were in your position I'd feel the same.

Why? asks Terence.

Because, says Katherine, if I was peeping out from the front of your gecko shorts we'd see the same things at the same time.

Okay, says Terence. 

How will Prong get from the back to the front of Terence's gecko shorts without anyone seeing? asks Minnie.

Mm. One of two ways, says Katherine.

Why are Katherine and Minnie both laughing?

How Come Only Almost?

Terence has spotted Prong.

Guess what? asks Terence.

What? says Prong. I had a nice breakfast, thank you.

What was it? asks Terence. 

Grass seeds, says Prong.

So guess what, says Terence.

What? says Prong. Am I getting a passport?

Later, says Terence. I have to go to a gallery and you're coming.

What's a gallery? asks Prong.

You'll see, says Terence.

How was I supposed to guess what if you won't even tell me? asks Prong.

It would be too late, says Terence.

Tell me anyway, says Prong, Then say Guess what.

Okay, says Terence. A gallery is a room with stuff in.

Like a kitchen, says Prong.

No. Special stuff like photos of Christmas trees, says Terence.

So now say Guess what, says Prong.

Guess what? asks Terence.

We're going to a gallery to see photos of Christmas trees, says Prong.

Correct, says Terence. Almost.

How come only almost? asks Prong.

Because you're not allowed in, says Terence. You have to wait outside in a tree.

I hope it's a box tree, says Prong.

Katherine and Minnie come out, dressed for a visit to the National Gallery.

Come on Terence, says Katherine. You too, Prong. Do you know where we're going?

Yes I do know, says Prong.

They get into Minnie's car and drive to the National Gallery.

They arrive, park the car, and head to the entrance.

Which tree will Prong wait in? asks Minnie.

A box tree, says Terence.

Never mind that, says Prong. There are better things here to sit on. 

She flies across to a large metal ball covered in squiggles. 

I'll wait here on this.

I'll wave to you when I'm in the gallery, says Terence.

He follows Katherine and Minnie inside.

An attendant comes up to them.

Is that your parrot, on the metal ball outside? asks the attendant.

We Need That Type Of Person

Are we going back to Mawson Ponds? asks Margaret.

Yes, says Gaius. Coming, Terence? 

Can we wait for Prong? asks Terence.

I'd like to get going, says Gaius. 

I'll wait here with Terence, says Katherine.

I thought we were going to the National Gallery, says Minnie.

We are, says Katherine. But surely Prong won't be long.

Okay, says Minnie. But then what? We can't take a parrot to the National Gallery.

But we can take Terence, says Katherine. It will be educational. And Prong can wait outside in a tree.

Does that mean I have to go to a gallery? asks Terence.

Yes, dear, says Katherine. 

You'll love it, says Minnie. You'll see photos of Christmas trees. The Trent Parke exhibition.

Woo! says Terence.

Gaius and Margaret leave for Mawson Ponds.

Mind if I go extra fast? I may need the practice, says Gaius, zooming off. 

Don't mind me, says Margaret, speeding up behind him.

Terence goes outside to wait for Prong.

I might call David, says Katherine. See if they need a third rider.

You never know, says Minnie. 

Katherine calls David.

Hello mother, says David. Is anything wrong?

Of course not, says Katherine. I'm just calling to see if  you and Vello are ready for Barcelona.

Yes, mother, says David. Except, we're waiting to hear back from someone.

Is it Gaius? asks Katherine.

No, it's ... Why do you ask? saks David.

Gaius doesn't know if he's going, says Katherine.

So he's not with Team Condor? asks David.

Not at this stage, says Katherine. Don't you need him?

We might, says David. We've asked that chap Pablo, but we haven't heard back.

Pablo? says Katherine. He's not a philosopher. And isn't he a bit young? And wasn't he in Team Condor a few years ago?

Yes, yes and yes, says David. Vello thinks we need that type of person.

Well good luck, says Katherine. By the way, you might see Terence there with his new parrot.

You don't say, says David. How is Canberra?

Very interesting, says Katherine. I'm off to the National Gallery today.

Then I hope you have a nice day, says David.

Thank you, says Katherine. Goodbye David.

That did not go too well.

But she hears a faint waark! from the front garden.

Followed by a woop! 

Perhaps Terence has just spotted Prong.

Bring Prong

It's morning.

Prong wants something to eat.

Let me out, says Prong.

Why? asks Terence.

Breakfast, says Prong.

Terence lets Prong out through the front door, and heads for the kitchen where he can hear noises.

Gaius, Margaret and Minnie are all eating Weetbix.

Did you let the parrot out? asks Minnie.

Yes, says Terence. She wanted some breakfast.

What would you like? asks Minnie. A red drink?

A red drink, says Terence. And then can we call Sweezus and ask him?

Ask him what? asks Margaret.

Terence wants to go to Barcelona, says Katherine.

Why does he have to ask Sweezus? asks Margaret.

Because Sweezus will be going, says Gaius. 

Not you? says Margaret.

Not unless I'm asked, says Gaius.

Vello and David might be planning to ask you, says Katherine. They're such slackers.

We'll see, says Gaius. Right now I'm assuming they won't.

Can we call NOW? asks Terence.

Very well, says Gaius.

He calls Sweezus, who answers.

Hey! Gaius! What's up?

Erm.. just wondering. Is Team Condor ready for Barcelona?

Yeah, all good, says Sweezus. You going?

I don't know yet, says Gaius. I'm available of course. But Terence has been asking if he could travel with you.

Oh yeah! says Sweezus. That's where we met, Barcelona.

I remember it well, says Gaius. He fell off the Sagrada Familia and you caught him.

Can I talk now? asks Terence.

Terence wants to talk, says Gaius.

Put him on, says Sweezus.

Guess what? says Terence. 

What, little buddy? asks Sweezus.

I've got a new parrot, says Terence. And it isn't a prawn.

Why would I think it was a prawn? asks Sweezus.

Because it was, says Terence. But Prawny's decomposing.

Woah! says Sweezus. What's the new one?

Prong, says Terence. And she's a real parrot and she knows how to find things and she's nearly as good as me at Cannot But Be.

Awesome, says Sweezus. And you want to come with me and Arthur to Barcelona?

Yes, and Prong, says Terence.

No worries, says Sweezus. Bring Prong.

Yay! says Terence. When are we leaving?

I'll let you know, says Sweezus. See ya, little buddy.

He said yes! says Terence.

Did he say anything else? asks Gaius.

Bring Prong, says Terence.

And nothing about a parrot passport? says Gaius.

He wouldn't have thought of it, says Katherine. 

Too focussed on other things, says Gaius. I'll call Arthur later.

Why not now? asks Katherine.

Nine am. He'll be sleeping, says Gaius. 

Terence runs to the door to look for Prong.

But Prong has not returned yet from breakfast, having been held up temporarily.

Not The Virgin

It's a long night.

Gaius is dreaming. 

In the dream he is riding a bike.

Not Minnie's bike, but a top level racer.

He is right behind Arthur, his team mate. 

Arthur drops something on the road.

Gaius swerves to avoid it,

It's a geen and golden bell frog.

Lucky.

A parrot drops onto his shoulder. 

Arggh! Get off me! I'm racing!

Gaius wakes up at this point.

Curses! Now he'll have to get up and go to the toilet.

He hopes he won't bump into Minnie or Margaret or Katherine.

He listens.

Nothing.

He gets up, and tiptoes to the toilet.

Good. No ladies in there.

He is just leaving when he bumps into Katherine.

Can't you sleep either? asks Katherine.

I dreamed a parrot landed on my shoulder while I was racing, says Gaius.

Lets hope it's not prescient, says Katherine.

The parrot? asks Gaius.

No, the dream, says Katherine. 

It may well have been, says Gaius. When is the Tour anyway?

Goodness, says Katherine. Where are we, June? The Tour's in July.

No one's asked me to be in it, says Gaius. Perhaps I'm not wanted.

You can probably assume so, says Katherine. Pity.

Not really, says Gaius. 

Only because this year they're starting in Barcelona, says Katherine.

Ah! says Gaius. Barcelona. Terence would have liked that.

Terence has heard voices and sneaked up to listen.

Can we go anyway? asks Terence.

So you heard that, says Gaius. 

Can we? asks Terence

Not if I'm not in it, says Gaius.

I can go with Sweezus! says Terence.

I suppose so, if he's willing to take you, says Gaius.

We'll call him in the morning, says Katherine.

Yay! says Terence. I'm going to Barcelona! I'll show Prong my palace.

You won't be taking Prong, says Gaius. She can't travel out of the country.

She can get a parrot passport, says Terence.

You'll have to ask Arthur, says Gaius. He's good at those things.

Yes! says Terence. He is already imagining himself showing Prong around the Sagrada Familia. 

All the carved animals. The tiny people. The Sylvanian bears. The Virgin. No, maybe not her. She might tell Saint Joseph.

Stars Are All Purple

The humans have all gone to bed.

Terence can hear Gaius snoring.

Don't you sleep? asks Prong.

No, says Terence. That's one of the good things about me.

I do, says Prong. Can I sleep now or what?

You can, says Terence, but if you stay awake we can play Cannot But Be.

I'm good at Cannot But Be, says Prong.

How come? asks Terence.

Dad taught me, says Prong.

And guess who taught him, says Terence.

You? says Prong.

Me, says Terence. So you can't be that good.

Why? Did you teach him badly? asks Prong.

No, but he's only just learned it, says Terence, and I've been playing it for ages.

We're superb parrots, says Prong. We get good at things quickly.

Let's play, says Terence. 

You start, says Prong.

What if you get tomato sauce on your beak? asks Terence.

Cannot but beak, says Prong.

Correct, says Terence.

Have I got tomato sauce on my beak? asks Prong.

Is that the question? asks Terence.

Only if I have, says Prong.

You haven't. Ask the question, says Terence.

What if I opened a box and took out a glass leaf and dropped it? asks Prong.

Yikes! says Terence.

Wrong, says Prong.

That wasn't the answer, says Terence.

I know. I told you it wasn't, says Prong.

I said yikes! because if you dropped it I'd be in big trouble, says Terence.

Do you give up? asks Prong.

I give up, says Terence.

Cannot but break, says Prong. 

Your questions are too long, says Terence.

Are they? says Prong.

You can go to sleep now, says Terence.

Thank you, says Prong.

She tucks her head into her feathers and makes grinding noises.

Terence goes across to the window, and looks up at the sky.

The stars are all purple, or they may just be spots of the berry-flavoured sports drink he accidentally squirted at the windows, earlier.

Starving And Sorry

It can't be far away, says Katherine.

I'll find it, says Prong.

She goes back the way she and Terence have come.

From the table, along the carpet, to the handbag on the armchair.

The box lies beside the handbag, with its lid off.

And the glass leaf is lying inside.

This job is easy, thinks Prong. It's knowing where Terence has left things.

She goes back to the table.

With any luck they won't have eaten all the passionfruit seeds yet.

Did you find it? asks Terence.

It's in the box, says Prong. You must have put it back after.

That was sensible, Terence, says Katherine.

Yes, says Terence. 

Prong learns another thing. A parrot gets no glory.

Look, Prong, says Terence. Want to try my tomato sauce?

No thanks, says Prong. It looks like a love heart with legs.

And a beak, says Terence. I did it.

Perhaps Prong would like to try some pavlova, says Minnie.

Just a few passionfruit seeds, thanks, says Prong.

Of course, says Minnie, picking a few of them off the pavlova.

Prong tries them. Crack. Crunch. Splinter. Yum.

Anyone for seconds? asks Minnie.

I shouldn't, says Gaius.

Go on, says Margaret.

I shall allow myself to be persuaded, says Gaius.

He has seconds.

Are you eating that sauce, Terence? asks Margaret.

My art work! says Terence.

You should eat it, says Prong.

There you see, says Gaius. Good advice from a parrot.

Prong looks proud.

Don't get too proud, says Terence. Parrots don't tell kids to eat things.

It was a fair enough suggestion, says Prong. You never know when you'll be starving and sorry.

Terence is taken aback.

Starving and sorry?

So far he has never been that.

Like A Puzzle

Katherine takes the box out of her handbag.

She's intending to give it to Prong.

But how will Prong take it? She's a parrot.

Prong doesn't take it.

Give it to me, says Terence.

I'll put it down here, says Katherine. Then Prong can open it.

I can do that, says Prong.

Katherine puts the box down on the floor.

Prong pecks at the lid,

Don't make a hole in it! says Katherine.

Okay, says Prong.

This is like a puzzle, says Terence.

What if I flip it? says Prong.

Don't flip it! says Katherine. Or did you just mean the lid?

Yes, I meant the lid, says Prong. Watch this. I'll be careful.

That's good, says Terence. Parrots have to be careful.

Not always, says Prong.

She flips the lid off the box with one movement.

The glass leaf lies inside.

Beautiful! says Prong. 

Take it out, says Terence. Wait! Is she allowed to?

I'd rather she didn't, says Katherine. But if it's important to both of you....

It is, says Terence. Prong is almost my parrot.

All right, then, says Katherine. But remember it's precious.

Remember it's precious, says Terence.

Prong is sure she'll remember.

She picks up the glass leaf with her beak.

She gives it to Terence.

Terence looks at the leaf.

You did it! says Terence. So you've got the job!

Thanks, says Prong. 

Pavlova's ready! calld Minnie. Everyone, come back to the table!

Can I come? asks Prong.

Yes, says Terence. There's a plate of tomato sauce on the table. 

Tomato sauce? says Prong. What's that for?

Me, says Terence. You might like something different.

They go back to the table.

The pavlova looks good.

Meringue, cream, strawberries and passionfruit. 

Is this your new parrot? asks Minnie.

Yes, says Terence. She completed a mission.

What was it? asks Minnie.

I had to find Katherine's glass leaf and give it to Terence, says Prong.

A task involving multiple difficulties, says Gaius. Well done.

Where is the leaf now? asks Margaret.

Terence has it, says Prong. 

I used to have it, says Terence.

Where is it? asks Katherine. Don't tell me it's lost.

And yet, even if Terence doesn't tell her it's lost, he does seem to have lost it.

Prong looks at the shiny black passionfruit seeds on the pavlova.

She would like to try them. 

But first she will have to find the glass leaf again.

As she is the parrot of Terence.

A Series Of Fortunate Events

Prong doesn't know what a handbag should look like.

Hand...bag. She breaks the word down.

A bag full of hands? 

But there's a glass leaf in this one. In a small box.

She sneaks past the humans, who are still talking.

What's for dessert? asks Gaius.

A pavlova, says Minnie. Topped with strawberries, passionfruit and cream.

Do you need any help with it? asks Margaret.

Yes, Marg, says Minnie. Perhaps you could whip up the cream.

Okay Min, says Margaret.

She stands up and goes to fridge.

Prong is watching.

Waak! This human is going to whip up some cream.

Margaret takes a carton from the fridge, a whizzer from a drawer and a bowl from a cupboard..

She tips the contents of the carton into the bowl and starts whizzing the cream with the whizzer.

WHIZZWHIZZWHIZZWHIZZZZZZZZ.

What a horrible noise.

Urgh! says Margaret. I'm all splattered.

Shall I find you a cloth? asks Gaius. 

There'll be tissues in my handbag, says Margaret.

Aha! A handbag.

Prong follows Gaius to a handbag that has been left on a chair.

Is this it? asks Gaius. 

No, that's Katherine's, says Margaret. Mine's over there.

Prong now knows the location of Katherine's handbag.

She knows the glass leaf is inside.

But time has been ticking.

Terence and Katherine have come back inside.

Terence looks for Prong, to tell her he's calling off the mission, because Katherine knows what it is, so the mission is pointless.

He spies Prong.

It's in here! says Prong. I was just about to get it. 

Don't do it, says Terence. I'm calling it off.

Does that mean I've failed? asks Prong.

Not at all, says Katherine. It's perfect timing. You found its location, but didn't rummage about in my handbag.

So I've got the job? asks Prong.

I didn't get the glass leaf, says Terence. So not yet. 

Nonsense, says Katherine. I'll take it out myself, so Prong can complete her mission.

That's cheating, says Terence.

Or a series of fortunate events, says Katherine. 

Yes No Meaning Yes

Are you staying outside? asks Prong.

Yes, says Terence. I'll wait here while you find the glass leaf.

Okay, I'm going in, says Prong.

Don't let them see you, says Terence.

What if they do? asks Prong.

Make up a story, says Terence. They'll probably believe it.

Here goes, says Prong.

She sneaks into the house and hides behind Minnie's curtains.

She listens.

Terence is taking a long time, says one of the humans.

I'll go and check on him, says another.

Margaret stands up and goes to the front door.

All right, Terence?

Yes, says Terence. I'm just waiting for something.

What? asks Margaret. If your parrot hasn't come yet it's a safe bet she's not coming.

I'll wait five more minutes, says Terence.

Prong hears him say five more minutes.

Waak! That's not long.

And she still doesn't even know which human is Katherine.

Margaret goes back to the table. 

No parrot, says Margaret. But he wants to wait five more minutes.

Funny kid, says Katherine. I might go and wait with him.

That's kind of you Katherine, says Minnie. I'll hold off on dessert.

Prong now knows which human is Katherine. 

The one who is going to wait outside with Terence. 

A small complication.

Katherine goes outside.

Why did you come out here? asks Terence.

I thought I'd wait with you for five minutes, says Katherine. Any sign of the parrot?

Yes... no, says Terence.

Katherine knows Terence's answers.

I think that's a yes, says Katherine. Where is she?

Inside, says Terence. Having a try-out.

How thrilling, says Katherine. What have you asked her to do?

Get me something, says Terence.

Anything? asks Katherine.

No, says Terence. Something. And don't ask more questions or you'll ruin it.

Is it something of mine? asks Katherine.

But Terence is not going to answer.

Something of Gaius's? asks Katherine.

No, says Terence.

My glass leaf? says Katherine.

Bumhole! says Terence.

No need for that language, says Katherine. 

But you ruined it, says Terence.

Call off the try-out, says Katherine. I don't want a parrot rummaging about in my handbag.

Prong has been listening.

She knows which human is Katherine, and where the glass leaf is.

In Katherine's handbag.

Now she must find the handbag before Terence calls off the whole thing.

I Like Spying

It isn't a possum outside

It's a parrot. 

Are you Prong? asks Terence.

Are you Terence? asks Prong.

Yes, says Terence. Come in.

I might not, says Prong. I just want to ask a few questions.

Did your dad send you ? asks Terence. 

He didn't SEND me, says Prong.

Okay, says Terence. If you were my parrot, could I send you?

No, says Prong. Unless I decided to go.

Where? asks Terence.

Where you wanted to send me, says Prong.

What if you didn't? asks Terence.

You'd have to go by yourelf, says Prong.

What did you want to ask me? asks Terence.

At last, says Prong. I thought you'd never stop asking questions.

I've stopped, says Terence. 

What's the job? asks Prong. 

The job is being my parrot, says Terence. Flying back to get things. Maybe spying.

I like spying, says Prong.

Do you want to have a try-out? asks Terence.

Okay, says Prong. Do I get paid for the try-out?

No, says Terence. You already had a protein ball. 

So that's what it was, says Prong.

This is your task, says Terence. Go inside and find Katherine's glass leaf and bring it to me.

I never heard of a glass leaf, says Prong. 

It's for  the fallen, says Terence. So don't drop it. It stays in the box.

How am I meant to carry a box? asks Prong.

It's a small box, says Terence.

And where is Katherine? aks Prong.

Inside eating beef pie, says Terence.

Prong looks into the house. She can smell the beef pie.

There are four humans at the table, eating and talking.

One of them must be Katherine, whose glass leaf Prong must find, and bring to Terence in its box without dropping it.

Sounds problematic. 

But Prong is up for the challenge.

 

It Might Be A Possum

Terence goes back inside. 

I don't think she's coming, says Terence.

She may turn up in the morning, says Minnie. Would you like some beef pie?

I'm not allowed, says Terence. 

Of course, sorry, says Minnie. What will you have then?

A red drink, says Terence. And tomato sauce on a plate.

The others are already eating the beef pie, at the kitchen table.

Excellent pie, says Gaius. 

Delicious, says Katherine.

Ages since I've made one, says Minnie.

Minnie sets a plate of tomato sauce before Terence, the sauce in the shape of a heart.

Thank you, says Terence. Is it a parrot?

No it's a heart, says Minnie.

Can it be a parrot? asks Terence.

Just eat it, says Margaret. Someone give him a spoon.

Minnie gives Terence a spoon.

He uses it to draw parrot legs on the heart.

And a beak like a prong.

What are the plans for tomorrow? asks Minnie. 

I'd like to visit the National Gallery, says Katherine. 

You'll love it, says Minnie. Shall I come too?

Yes, do, says Katherine.

Gaius and I are going to edit the frog video, says Margaret.

We can do that tonight, says Gaius. Tomorrow I should like to return to Mawson Ponds. It occurs to me that I only made contact with two bell frogs. There must surely be others.

I'm waiting here for my parrot, says Terence. 

Scraatch scraatch! 

Do I hear a scratching sound? asks Minnie.

Terence runs to the front door.

Look out through the window! says Minnie. It might be a possum.

This is a good idea.

It might be a possum.

Terence looks out through the window.

There is something small moving behind one of the flower pots.

It could still be a possum.

Terence can see bits sticking out.

The bits appear, twitch and retreat behind the flower pot.

Do possums twitch? asks Terence.

No, says Gaius. 

And Gaius would know.

So it can't be a possum.

Terence opens the door.

Red Feathery Trousers

Terence goes back inside.

Minnie is placing the beef pie into the oven.

Forty minutes, says Minnie.

Guess what? asks Terence.

Tell us, says Katherine. 

I might be getting a parrot, says Terence.

The one who just left? asks Gaius. 

No, a girl one, says Terence. A girl one called Prong.

She will be duller, says Gaius.

Gaius! says Katherine.

In colouring, says Gaius. The female superb parrot is a duller green than the male, with red thighs and pink patches on the tail feathers.

Red thighs! says Minnie. Sounds alarming.

It does, says Katherine. Who knew parrots had thighs?

Chickens do, says Margaret.

Must be tiny, says Katherine.

What are thighs? asks Terence.

These, says Katherine, patting hers.

They are tiny, says Gaius.

Thank you Gaius, says Katherine.

I didn't mean yours, Katherine, says Gaius. But if Terence does get a female parrot, we shall see for ourselves.

We shouldn't all stare at them, says Margaret.

No we shouldn't, says Minnie. Are they red all over?

No, just at the top, says Gaius. Like little red feathery trousers.

Terence is not sure he wants a girl parrot with little red feathery trousers.

When will she be coming? asks Katherine.

When her dad tells her to come, says Terence. When he sees her.

And he's sure that she'll come? asks Minnie.

No, he isn't but I am, says Terence.

Perhaps we should make sure she knows that she's welcome, says Minnie. Let's leave a protein ball on the front step near the flower pots.

Yes! says Terence.

Minnie goes to the pantry and returns with a protein ball, covered in seeds.

This might have made Terence sad, remembering Prawny trying a seed once and almost bouncing.

But he's forgotten all that.

He takes the protein ball and places it outside near a flower pot.

Inside, the beef pie is heating, delightful scents wafting into the garden.

Delightful to some. Not to parrots.

Terence closes the door. 

The sky darkens. 

And Prong does not come.

A Parrot Called Prong

Can I go outside? asks Terence.

What for? asks Gaius.

To talk to the parrot, says Terence.

Is it the one from this morning? asks Minnie.

Yes, says Terence.

Let him in, says Minnie.

Terence opens the front door and the superb parrot flies in.

Hello all, says the parrot. How's Prawny doing?

Badly, says Terence.

Could he use another lesson? asks the parrot.

No, says Terence. 

Tell the parrot what happened, says Katherine.

What's that smell? asks the parrot.

Beef pie filling, says Minnie. With plenty of onion.

Disgusting, says the parrot. I might go back outside.

Prawny drowned, says Terence.

That shouldn't have happened, says the parrot.

He was being a hostage and he got too hot waiting, says Terence.

And jumped into the water and drowned, says Gaius.

No prawn should drown, says the parrot. 

He lost his tail, says Terence.  

That would not have helped, says the parrot. Were there bell frogs nearby?

Yes, says Gaius. Two of them. They tried to be helpful.

I bet, says the parrot. Well, I'm off now. Goodbye.

See him out will you Terence? says Minnie.

Okay, says Terence.

Terence and the parrot go out to the front of the house.

Don't go yet, says Terence. I want to ask you  something.

What? asks the parrot.

Something important, says Terence.

WHAT? asks the parrot. I'm quite busy.

Where is your eldest? asks Terence.

Prong? says the parrot. How should I know?

Would he like a job? asks Terence.

She, says the parrot. 

Would she? asks Terence.

How did you know I have an eldest? asks the parrot.

You gave Prawny two of her feathers, says Terence.

So I did, says the parrot. Much good they did him.

He liked them, says Terence.

I guess that's something, says the parrot. 

Ask her, says Terence.

If I see her, says the parrot.

Thanks, says Terence.

The superb parrot flies off, leaving Terence optimistic.

Yes! He's getting a parrot called Prong.

Something To Ask A Parrot

Gaius and Katherine pick up their bikes and cycle back to Minnie's.

Terence is in Katherine's basket.

Now I'll never have a parrot, says Terence.

Prawny wouldn't have made a good parrot, says Katherine. 

I know, says Terence. 

He couldn't fly, says Katherine.

Only float, says Terence.

Not even that, says Katherine. He sank to the bottom.

I know, says Terence. I should have saved him.

You weren't there, says Katherine. And you're not allowed in the water.

I know, says Terence.

His last days were nothing if not eventful, says Katherine. And that's thanks to you.

This cheers Terence up a little, but he would still like a parrot.

They arrive at Minnie's.

Minnie and Margaret are in the kitchen, cooking a pie.

Minnie is stirring something in a saucepan.

Margaret is rolling out dough.

Something smells good, says Gaius.

A beef pie, says Minnie. Should be ready in a hour.

Sit down, says Margaret. Tell us what happened.

Prawny was dead when we got there, says Terence.

Drowned, says Gaius. The frogs tried to save him.

Gaius filmed it, says Katherine. And the memorial poems that followed.

So we can always remember Prawny, says Terence.

Let's see, says Minnie. Stir this for me, Margaret.

I can't, my hands are all floury, says Margaret.

I'll do it, says Katherine. 

Gaius shows Minnie the video.

The bell frogs diving in, bringing up Prawny, the pre-picked grass pile, the new grass pile, the covering of Prawny, the poems.

Why was there a pre-cut grass pile? asks Minnie.

That will be edited out, says Gaius.

That still doesn't explain it, says Minnie.

I kicked Prawny back in, says Terence. So Gaius could film him being rescued.

So it's fake, says Minnie.

If you like, says Gaius. But at least we have a record.

Yes, says Terence. And Prawny wanted me to do it.

I thought Prawny was dead, says Minnie.

He always wanted to be rescued twice, says Terence. 

Oh, did he? says Minnie. 

She goes back to stirring the pie filling.

Shall I make a pot of tea? asks Katherine. 

Yes, do that, says Minnie.

Terence goes across to the window to see if the red spots are still there from this morning.

They are.

Outside, in Minnie's front garden, he sees a bird land in a tree.

It looks like the superb parrot who gave Prawny his wings.

Terence waves at the superb parrot.

The superb parrot doesn't see him waving.

Terence raps on the window. 

Rap! Rap!

The superb parrot flies down past the window, and lands on the mat at the front door.

It has something it wants to ask Terence.

Which is good.

Because Terence has something to ask the superb parrot.

Leaving Nearly Everything Out

Terence continues his poem in remembrance of Prawny:

His tail fell in the water/ So he had no tail/ There was a reward / If anyone could find it/ The reward took too long/ And Prawny got hot / So he jumped into the water and died/ He was Prawny the strong.

That's a lovely poem, Terence, says Katherine. I like Prawny the strong.

He wasn't that strong, says Terence.

So it was even nicer of you to say it, says Katherine. And it rhymes with too long.

Terence is pleased that she noticed, especially as he hadn't.

How come we're not in it AT ALL? asks the bell frog who didn't eat Prawny.

Yeah, says the neighbour.

You're doing your own poem, says Terence. Get talking.

We're not ready, says the neighbour.

You don't have to be ready, says Terence. Just start.

Is that what you do? asks the one who didn't eat Prawny.

Yes, says Terence. Once you start it just keeps coming out.

It's the starting that's hard, says the neighbour.

Say who's died, says Terence.

Yes, do that, says Gaius. Are you ready?

The bell frogs look at one another.

Who will begin?

I'll begin, says the one who didn't eat Prawny.

He begins:

Prawny has died/ He got hot waiting/ And dived/ Two bell frogs saw him and tried/ To save him but he was no longer alive/

The neighbour chimes in:

He was our friend/ He made us famous/

The one who didn't eat Prawny continues:

Famous he made us/ For we found the tail, twice/ Prawny allowed it/ Because he was nice. 

And lastly the neighbour:

He was our friend/ He made us famous/ The end.

Bravo! says Katherine.

Excellent! says Gaius.

You left nearly everything out, says Terence. 

So did you, says the one who didn't eat Prawny.

It doesn't matter, says Katherine. Prawny has had a good send off. 

Are we leaving him here? asks Terence.

I think so, says Gaius. Or ... would that be littering?

He'll decompose, says Katherine. I don't think leaving him here would be littering.

Okay, bye Prawny, says Terence.

He is ready to go.

Ahem, says the neighbour.

What about our reward prawn? says the one who didn't eat Prawny.

I almost forgot, says Gaius. Where is it?

Here, says Katherine, taking the plastic container out of her pocket.

She takes off the lid and places the defrosted reward prawn on the grass beside the dead Prawny.

Could you break it in half? asks the neighbour.  

Dead The Second Time

Plop! Prawny falls into the water.

Action, bell frogs, says Gaius.

Look! says the one who didn't eat Prawny. Prawny fell in!

To the rescue! says the neighbour.

They both dive in.

This is good! says Terence.

The bell frogs swim down towards Prawny, who has sunk to the bottom.

They grab one end each and swim up.

They break the surface.

They drag Prawny onto the grass.

Should we pump him? asks the neighbour.

We should, says the one who didn't eat Prawny.

They take turns pumping Prawny, but this time no water comes out.

He seems to have died, says the neighbour. 

Yes, says the one who didn't eat Prawny. We should cover him with grass.

We should, says the neighbour. And here is a pile of grass stalks stacked up and ready.

Won't that look somewhat strange? asks Katherine. A pile of grass ready.

Yes! says Terence. It'll look like they knew what would happen.

Fine, says the neighbour. We'll pick new grass stalks.

And Gaius will have to edit the video, says Katherine.

Perhaps, says Gaius. 

Don't you know how? asks Katherine.

I'm sure I can learn, says Gaius. 

The bell frogs are picking new grass stalks to cover dead Prawny.

They have done it. 

They cover him up.

Now, says Terence. Someone should say a poem about Prawny.

It should be you, says Katherine. 

Okay, says Terence. A prawn has died/ He was going to be a parrot/ He even had wings/ Everything went well until the black hole/ His tail came off in it/

Stop! says the one who didn't eat Prawny. Do we get a mention?

How? asks Terence.

Finding his tail, says the one who didn't eat Prawny.

Twice, says the neighbour.

And rescuing him, says the one who didn't eat Prawny. 

Twice, says the neighbour.

Once, says Terence. He was dead the second time.

I assume he was also dead the first time, says Gaius.

He was, says the neighbour.

Anyway, says Terence. My poem's not finished. But I'm trying to leave you two out.

Perhaps the bell frogs could compose their own poem for Prawny, says Katherine.

Yes. This suits them fine.

In A Way Free

Where's Prawny? asks Terence.

Under this grass, says the one who didn't eat Prawny.

Come out Prawny! says Terence. You're free.

He is, in a way, free, says the neighbour. That's a nice way to put it.

Prawny has not come out from under the grass stalks.

Terence steps forward.

Prawny! says Terence.

We may as well tell you, says the one who didn't eat Prawny. Prawny has died.

Bumhole! says Terence.

He looks at Katherine.

It doesn't matter, says Katherine.

That is somewhat cruel, Katherine, says Gaius.

I meant the word bumhole, says Katherine. Not the fact Prawny has died.

Katherine said I wasn't allowed to say it, says Terence.

And you haven't until now, says Gaius.

Now SHE'S said it, says Terence.

That is different, says Gaius. Katherine was quoting.

So was I, says Terence.

No, you weren't quoting, says Katherine. But you were expressing understandable sorrow.

At last! says the one who didn't eat Prawny. Would you like to know how he died?

Of course we would, says Gaius.

He felt hot, says the neighbour. And he dived in, and sank to the bottom.

I suppose you tried to rescue him, says Katherine.

A slight hesitation.

then...

Yes, says the neighbour.

But we were too late, says the one who didn't eat Prawny. So we pulled him out anyway, and covered him with grass.

Terence moves a few grass stalks.

Yes, it is Prawny.

No chance now of becoming a parrot.

We wondered if you'd make a video of us rescuing Prawny, says the neighbour.

Retrieving Prawny, you mean, says Gaius.

Well, yes, says the one who didn't eat Prawny.

You'd have to drop Prawny back in, says Terence. 

We know, says the neighbour. That's why we're asking politely.

It should be up to Terence, says Katherine. It's his prawn.

Okay, says Terence. Prawny will like it.

Would have liked it, says Gaius.

When? asks Terence.

When he was living, says Gaius. On second thoughts maybe he wouldn't.

But he would NOW, says Terence.

Very well, says Gaius, taking out his phone. Who's going to throw Prawny back into the water?

Me, says Terence. But I'm not throwing. That's how everything went wrong in the first place.

What then? asks Gaius.

Terence flicks  more grass off Prawny, and rolls him to the edge of the pond with his foot.

Only Parts

Gaius and Margaret have had two cups of tea.

The frozen prawn has partly defrosted.

Can we go now? asks Terence.

Yes, says Gaius.

I'd like to come with you, says Katherine.

So would I, says Minnie. But I need to buy things for dinner. What would everyone like?

Tomato sauce, says Terence. And a red smoothie.

For me, anything without tomatoes, says Gaius.

Anything at all, says Katherine.

You, Margaret? asks Minnie.

Baked beans, says Margaret.

For goodness sake, says Minnie. We can do better than that. Why don't you come shopping with me?

Yes, why don't you, says Gaius.

All right, says Margaret.

Are we going now? asks Terence.

Yes, says Gaius, heading for the front door.

Don't forget the reward prawn, says Katherine.

Would you like something to put it in? asks Minnie.

More time is wasted, while Minnie looks for a small plastic container.

And more time, while she looks for a lid.

At last Gaius, Terence and Katherine are ready to go to Mawson Ponds.

Gaius leads the way on Minnie's bike.

Katherine cycles behind him on Minnie's second bike, the one Margaret used.

Terence is in the front basket.

This is fun, says Katherine. We're going to pay the ransom for a hostage.

Prawny wanted to be a hostage, says Terence.

That was brave of Prawny, says Katherine.

Yes, says Terence. Prawny is good. When he got his tail back the first time there was no video, and the frogs wanted one so they could be famous, so Prawny threw his tail back in. 

Meaning the video is fake, says Katherine.

No, says Terence. They really found it.

But it wasn't lost, says Katherine.

It could have been, says Terence. 

But it didn't need to have been, says Katherine.

When? asks Terence.

Fortunately, Katherine does not need to answer, because they are there.

Here we are, says Gaius. Leave the bikes, and we'll walk to the sauna.

Prawny will be happy! says Terence. 

So will the frogs, says Gaius.

But alas! the two bell frogs look anything but happy.

More like lugubrious.

A heap of grass stalks lies between them

covering something

 of which

can be seen 

only parts.

Beyond Impatient

It's a beautiful glass leaf, says Margaret.

And each one is different, says Katherine.

Yes, says Minnie. Katherine paid quite a bit for it.

I did, says Katherine. I must take care not to drop it.

You said it was for the fallen, says Terence. 

Indeed, says Gaius. There is something off with the concept.

I thought you once served as a soldier, says Katherine.

Long ago, says Gaius. In Germania. As a military tribune.

Woo! says Terence. Did you have a horse?

No, says Gaius.

I bet you did, says Terence. 

I didn't, says Gaius. Now, to more important things. Minnie do you by any chance keep frozen prawns in your freezer?

I may have a few, says Minnie. Are you thinking of replacing Prawny? Where is he?

Prawny remained at Mawson Ponds as a hostage, says Margaret.

Goodness me! says Minnie. 

What has happened? asks Katherine.

A long story, says Gaius. Prawny lost his tail in one of the brick holes that serve as a frog sauna. The tail fell into the pond and was retrieved by two bell frogs.

Gaius made a video, says Terence. 

Would you like to see it? asks Gaius.

Yes, says Katherine. 

Gaius takes out his phone and shows Katherine and Minnie the video.

What sweet frogs, says Minnie. I do like their speeches.

The video doesn't explain why Prawny remained as a hostage, says Katherine.

Ah, says Gaius. Terence promised them a reward.

Not another prawn surely! says Katherine.

Yes and no, says Gaius. 

They wanted to eat Prawny then they didn't, says Terence. Then Margaret went to buy a reward prawn. But a damselfly ate it. And now we need a new one.

In other words, another of your increasingly complex interventions, says Katherine.

Unusual things do tend to happen, says Gaius. But this can be easily sorted.

I'll see if I do have a prawn, says Minnie. I may well have. I like them with noodles.

She opens her freezer, and yes! There are several frozen prawns in a packet.

We just need one, says Terence. Now we can give the frogs their reward and get Prawny back.

Excellent, says Gaius. We'll go there at once,

Have a cup of tea first, says Minnie. 

Thank you, says Gaius.

So they stop for a cup of tea first.

Terence imagines Prawny becoming impatient.

But Prawny, as we know, is beyond that.

For The Fallen

That was good, says the neighbour, having swallowed his damselfly.

I know, says the one that didn't eat Prawny. 

And appropriate, too, says the neighbour.

I suppose so, says the one who didn't eat Prawny. Damselflies were to be our reward.

But the humans couldn't catch them, says the neighbour. Then Prawny stayed with us and helped us to catch them.

But only because he was dead, says the one who didn't eat Prawny.

A sad complication, says the neighbour.

What will happen when the humans come back? asks the one who didn't eat Prawny.

They'll bring us a cooked prawn, says the neighbour.

As a reward for retrieving Prawny's tail, says the one who didn't eat him.

So what's the problem, asks the neighbour. We did that.

Twice, says the one who didn't eat Prawny.

So we'll still deserve the cooked prawn, says the neighbour.

But we'll have to explain the dead Prawny, says the one who didn't eat him.

Let's cover him with something, says the neighbour. So it looks like we're sorry.

Good plan, says the one who didn't eat Prawny. Pebbles or grass?

They decide on grass, and set about picking.

.......

Meanwhile Gaius, Margaret and Terence have arrived back at Minnie's.

Minnie and Katherine are there, drinking tea.

Back already? says Minnie.

How was the War Memorial? asks Margaret.

Same as ever, says Minnie. 

Did you enjoy it, Katherine? asks Margaret.

The gift shop was nice, says Katherine. Poppies on everything. Tea towels, coffee mugs. And look what I bought.

She shows them a small  box.

What's in it? asks Terence.

A glass leaf, says Katherine. Take the lid off. Be careful.

I'm always careful, says Terence.

A leaf, says Margaret. Does it represent something?

For the fallen, says Katherine.

Is it intended to be amusing? asks Gaius.

The women look at him crossly.

No it's not.

This One Is Yours

What if he dies? asks the neighbour.

I don't think a cooked prawn can die, says the one who didn't eat Prawny.

Probably not, says the neighbour.

Do we risk it? asks the one who didn't eat Prawny.

It wouldn't hurt to dive in and check on him, says the neighbour.

Shall we both go? asks the one who didn't eat Prawny.

Okay, says the neighbour.

They dive into the mildly salty water.

And down towards Prawny.

It's not far.

The neighbour pokes Prawny, who is unresponsive.

The two bell frogs look at one another.

Prawny has died!

They lift him, and swim with him up to the surface.

They drag him to shore.

Now what? asks the neighbour.

Perhaps he'll come good, says the one who didn't eat Prawny.

Should we pump him? asks the neighbour.

They agree they should try.

The neighbour presses down on Prawny's soft parts.

Pump! Pump!

Spuuurt! A thin jet of water comes out.

That's promising, says the neighbour.

They wait to see if will Prawny will cough and splutter and say something.

Prawny doesn't.

Are we going to get blamed for this? asks the neighbour.

Prawny used his own muscles, says the one who didn't eat Prawny.

Yeah, and it was his decision to jump in, says the neighbour.

They agree that Prawny's death is not their fault.

A damselfly zooms in and hovers over Prawny.

The neighbour makes a quick move.

Snap!

No more damselfly.

You might have shared it! says the one that didn't eat Prawny.

Here comes another one, says the neighbour. 

This one is yours!

Flexing His Middle

Prawny is warm in his hole.

Phew! says Prawny.

Are you okay? asks the neighbour.

A bit warm, says Prawny. That's all.

We like it, says the bell frog that didn't eat him.

Yes we like it, says the neighbour.

Maybe it's because I've been cooked once before, says Prawny. I don't like too much heat.

Do you remember being cooked? asks the neighbour.

Not really, says Prawny. I suppose I was trying to ignore it.

That's what I'd do, says the neighbour.

No way! says the one who didn't eat Prawny. I'd have tried to escape.

Maybe I tried, says Prawny. And then I gave up. I remember hotness, and waking up inside spun potato.

What was that like? asks the neighbour.

Soft, says Prawny.

White or yellow? asks the neighbour.

I couldn't see anything, says Prawny. 

How come? asks the one who didn't eat him.

No eyes, says Prawny. And then I met Terence and I got one.

Lucky, says the neighbour.

Prawny is feeling even hotter.

Phew! says Prawny, again.

Go further into the hole, says the neighbour.

No, says Prawny. I need to jump into the water, to cool down.

Go on then, says the one who didn't eat him.

Can't, says Prawny.

Come on, you're right at the edge of the hole, says the neighbour.  Haven't you got any muscles?

I don't think so, says Prawny.

He tries flexing his middle.

Squurreee!

And it works! 

Prawny drops into the water.

Better? asks the neighbour.

No reply comes from Prawny.

Should we rescue him? asks the one who didn't eat him.

Yes, says the neighbour. We should. Before a damselfly swoops in and takes him.

It would be good if us rescuing him was on TikTok, says the one who didn't eat Prawny.

So we wait? asks the neighbour.

They peer down at Prawny, who has already sunk to the bottom. 

Time to make a decision.

Ooh Bad Memories

Now for our reward, says the bell frog that didn't eat Prawny.

But the damselfly ate it, says Terence.

So get us another one, says the neighbour.

We shall do that, says Gaius. But in order to obtain a cooked prawn we must leave you.

Can we trust you? asks the one who didn't eat Prawny.

Certainly, says Gaius.

I'll stay here with the frogs till you come back, says Prawny.

That is noble of you, says the one who didn't eat him.

Thank you, says Prawny. 

You can wait in one of our brick holes, says the neighbour. The one next to mine.

Ooh. Bad memories, says Prawny.

Better than sitting on the bank like a sitting duck, says the neighbour.

Yes, says Gaius. Those damselflies are a danger.

Okay, says Prawny. I'll wait in a hole.

The holes are good if you're facing outwards, says the one who didn't eat him.

I'll try it, says Prawny.

Wonderful, says Gaius, placing Prawny in a hole facing outwards.

It is quite nice, says Prawny.

Now we'll leave you, says Gaius, but we'll return later today.

With our reward, says the one who didn't eat Prawny.

And proof that we're famous, says the neighbour.

Hum, says Gaius. That may take a bit longer.

Post the video on TikTok, says Margaret.

Oh yes, TikTok, says Gaius. That will do it.

Bye, Prawny, says Terence. 

Bye, says Prawny.

Gaius, Margaret and Terence head for the bikes.

I wonder if Minnie has any frozen prawns in her freezer, says Margaret.

Perhaps we should ask her, says Gaius. I understand you might feel a little foolish going into Woolworths and asking for one cooked prawn when half an hour earlier you had made an identical purchase.

Yes Gaius, says Margaret. But you could do it.

It would still seem odd, says Gaius.

I could, says Terence.

He imagines himself doing it.

One cooked prawn please!

Even odder, says Gaius.

So it is decided.

They will go back to Minnie's and check out her freezer.

Only Once

Now what? ask the bell frogs.

Ask for something else, says Terence.

Not yet, says Gaius. Wait until I've filmed the return of the tail.

Yes, says Prawny. I haven't got it back yet.

Maybe you won't get it back, says the one who didn't eat Prawny.

Then you won't be famous, says Terence.

He's right, says the neighbour. What were you thinking? That we'd keep it?

It's our insurance, says the one that didn't eat Prawny.

It's my tail, says Prawny.

Yes, says Margaret. It's his tail. Get yourselves organised. We don't have all day.

Okay, say the bell frogs.

I'll hold Prawny up, says Terence.

No, hold him down, says the neighbour.

We're not jumping up with his tail, says the one who didn't eat Prawny. 

So Terence holds Prawny in a lower position, close to the water.

We'll hop out of the water with the tail, says the neighbour.

And make speeches, says Terence.

Speeches? says Gaius.

Yes, and Prawny will make a speech too, says Terence.

Very well, says Gaius. Has everyone thought of their speech?

No one has, because Terence has only just thought of it.

I'll just say thank you, says Prawny.

Short but polite, says Gaius. I like that.

Thank you, says Prawny.

Not yet! says Terence. Wait till they give you your tail.

It wasn't that thank you, says Prawny.

They have to go first, says Terence.

Ready, bell frogs? asks Gaius.

They are ready.

Gaius starts filming.

The bell frogs hop out of the water, each holding a side of the tail.

A short silence.

Then...

Here is your lost item, says the one who didn't eat Prawny. Take better care of it next time.

Yeah, says the neighbour.

Thank you, says Prawny.

Terence takes the tail from the bell frogs.

Thank you, says Terence. We'll stick it back on him with fish glue.

What is fish glue? asks the one who didn't eat Prawny.

An ancient Roman glue, says Gaius. 

Can you eat it? asks the neighbour.

Only once, says Gaius. 

That's Nature For You

Prawny's tail gleams under the water.

The two green and golden bell frogs swim towards it from opposite sides.

They each grab a uropod and swim up to the surface, emerging with the tail held up between them.

We found it! cry the bell frogs.

Yay! says Terence. You'll be famous!

Can we see the video? asks the bell frog that didn't eat Prawny.

Gaius shows them the video.

Would you like me to film you giving it back to Prawny? asks Gaius. It would be a nice touch.

Okay, says the one that didn't eat Prawny.

Okay, says the neighbour.

Where will I be? asks Prawny.

Up to you, says Gaius. Terence could prop you up next to the sauna.

But how would I receive it? asks Prawny.

Yes how? asks Terence. Prawny hasn't got hands.

True, says Gaius. Perhaps you should receive the tail on Prawny's behalf.

Then I'd look like a loser, says Prawny.

You are a loser, says Terence. But you won't be once you've got your tail back.

I'll still be a loser, says Prawny.

What's up with you? asks the bell frog who didn't eat Prawny.

I'm remembering my wings, says Prawny. I lost them, and all hopes of becoming a parrot.

You'll grow new ones, says the neighbour.

Unfortunately, he won't, says Gaius.

Nothing unfortunate about it, says Margaret. Prawny should look on the bright side.

There's a bright side? Prawny looks hopeful.

The bright side being Prawny is better off than the reward prawn, says Margaret.

Everyone looks at the reward prawn, who is waiting to be eaten at the bell frogs' discretion.

And then..

Down swoops a damselfly, snatching the reward prawn and flying away.

That was our reward! says the one who didn't eat Prawny.

They were both our rewards! cries the neighbour.

It's true. They had asked for a damselfly.

And now the damselfly has flown off with their second best option.

That's nature for you.

Willing To Part From His Tail

Are you going to eat it? asks Terence.

We might save it for later, says the bell frog that didn't eat Prawny.

It looks sad, says the neighbour.

It's a cooked one, says Margaret. How can it look sad?

I'm a cooked one, says Prawny.

And you never look sad, says Terence.

I can look sad, says Prawny, trying to look sad.

But it's doesn't make Prawny look all that different.

Do I look sad? he asks the bell frogs.

No, says the one that didn't eat him. If anything, you look glad.

And even if you didn't, you ought to, says the neighbour.

We found your tail for you, says the one that didn't eat him

Yes, says Terence. But only because Prawny let you. He'd found it already.

Okay, says the neighbour, How about the other thing?

Ah yes, says Gaius. Terence promised you'd be famous.

Did I? says Terence.

Yes, says the one that didn't eat Prawny We thought you could film us doing a reenactment.

Can we? asks Terence.

I don't see why not, says Gaius. If Prawny is willing to part from his tail for a third time.

As long as I get it back, says Prawny.

Gaius throws Prawny's tail into the pond and takes out his phone to record its recovery.

Action! says Gaius.

Wait, says the neighbour. There should be an introduction.

Yes there should, says Margaret. Otherwise we won't know what's going on.

Of course, says Gaius. Terence and Prawny, step forward.

Terence steps forward with Prawny.

Here we are at Mawson Ponds, says Gaius. We came to observe the progress of the green and golden bell frogs. But one of our party, in an excess of enthusiasm, launched himself into a hole occupied by one of the bell frogs, and lost his tail. Show them, Terence,

This is Prawny, our second main frog guy, says Terence, holding up Prawny.

Prawny tries to look like he imagines a second main frog guy who lost his tail in a freak accident would look.

And I would like it back, says Prawny.

There will be a reward, says Terence.

Excellent, says Gaius, pausing the filming. Bell frogs, are you ready?

The bell frogs are ready.

They dive into the pond.

Let us hope they have agreed beforehand who'll be the finder.

Tiny Black Eye

Terence is looking for crickets.

And not finding any.

Gaius is wafting Prawny's tail in the air.

The two bell frogs are watching.

No damselflies are so far attracted.

We'd do better to catch them ourselves, says the one who didn't eat Prawny.

We can't catch our own reward, says the neighbour.

I guess not, says the one who didn't eat Prawny.

A damselfly zooms past.

There's one ! says the neighbour.

I saw it, says Gaius. But it doesn't seem interested in the prawn tail.

They prefer living things, says the one that didn't eat Prawny.

Yeah, says the neighbour. Try the crickets. They'll eat anything.

Will they? asks the one who didn't eat Prawny.

Anything, says the neighbour. Decaying matter, dead insects. You name it.

That's disgusting. Forget the crickets, says the one who didn't eat Prawny.

Terence! calls Gaius. Stop looking for crickets.

I've stopped, says Terence.

The damselfly zooms back and forth over the pond. 

Snaps up a mosquito. 

And zooms away.

You've got to be quick, says the neighbour.

So it would seem, says Gaius. Therefore I wonder if you would reconsider accepting the soft parts of a prawn.

No, we wouldn't, says the neighbour.

What if it isn't Prawny? asks Terence. 

Who is it? asks the one who didn't eat Prawny.

Another prawn, says Gaius. It should arrive soon. Our colleague has gone to get it.

Hmm, says the neighbour.

Hmm, says the one who didn't eat Prawny.

Think about it, says Gaius. 

They're coming! cries Terence.

He has heard Margaret approaching.

Success! says Margaret, handing Prawny to Terence and a paper-wrapped object to Gaius.

Gaius unwraps the object, which is a cooked prawn with no head or tail, and one black eye dot.

Well done, says Gaius. It looks just like Prawny, however unneccesary that has become.

What are you talking about? says Margaret.

The bell frogs have thought better of consuming Prawny, says Gaius. They are now considering the merits or otherwise of eating the substitute prawn.

Let's see it, says the one who didn't eat Prawny.

The two bell frogs look at the substitute prawn.

It looks back at them sadly.

A tear forms in its tiny black eye.

Don't Give It A Mouth

YOU'LL be the snack of their choice! says Terence.

Me? says Prawny. I'm what they get to eat, for finding my tail?

No, that won't happen, says Gaius. We'll see to it. 

Good, says Prawny, because where would my tail go?

Is that all you care about? asks Marggret.

It'll go back on you, because I have a plan, says Terence.

What's the plan? asks Prawny.

We give them another prawn, instead of you, says Terence.

What if they only want me? asks Prawny.

We'll make the other prawn look like you, says Terence.

Okay, says Prawny. 

Right, says Gaius. We must do things in order. First, ask the bell frogs if they've found the tail, and if they have, claim it back.

Shouldn't we have the replacement prawn ready? asks Margaret.

Good thinking, says Gaius. But we don't wan't the frogs thinking we've given up and gone home.

I'll go and tell them, says Terence.

You and I will go, says Gaius. Meanwhile, Margaret, if she's willing, can take Prawny to the shops, buy a prawn, and meet us back here.

I suppose I could, says Margaret. Do you want me to do the prawn up like Prawny?

That would be ideal, says Gaius. But don't spend too long. It's only going to be eaten.

Don't give it a mouth, says Terence.

Wise suggestion, says Gaius.

Margaret and Prawny go off to look for a shop.

Gaius and Terence make their way round the pond to the black brick sauna.

The two green and golden bell frogs are on the bank, waiting, with Prawny's tail.

We found it, says the one who didn't eat Prawny.

We know, says Terence.

Now we'll be famous, says the neighbour.

And get the snack of our choice, says the one who didn't eat Prawny.

Yes, about that, says Gaius.

We were going to ask for Prawny's soft parts, says the neighbour.

But we thought it through, says the one who didn't eat Prawny.

And we'd rather have crickets or damselflies, says the neighbour.

I'm pleased to hear it, says Gaius.

So you need to get catching, says the neighbour.

Us? says Terence.

Who else? says Gaius. Terence, you look for crickets, and I'll try to catch a few damselflies. It would help if I had something with which to attract them.

Here, try this, says the one who didn't eat Prawny. 

He holds out the tail.