With No Fuss He Saved Us

Roo-kai lands on the dark lumpish object.

Is it Unhappy?

Hard to say. The dark lumpish object is covered in seaweed.

The brown stringy sort of seaweed.

He parts the seaweed, using his beak.

Gaius arrives, breathing heavily, followed by Terence.

Is it he? asks Gaius. 

I'm about to find out, says Roo-kai.

It is he, croaks a frog voice.

Quiet-Tartus emerges from the behind the dark lumpish object.

I would have said it's HIM, says Shorty-Tartus, emerging as well.

Never mind the grammatical niceties, says Gaius. How do you know it is he?

We rode him in on a wave, says Shorty-Tartus.

Was he covered in seaweed at the time? asks Gaius.

Not so much, says Quiet-Tartus.

Was he dead? asks Terence.

He may not be dead even now, says Quiet-Tartus.

He's feels cold to my feet, says Roo-kai.

Gaius starts to pull off the seaweed, revealing Unhappy.

Unhappy is deceased, says Gaius. No doubt about it.

I'll go and tell the others, says Roo-kai.

We must bury him, says Gaius.

Okay, says Terence. I'll make him a poem.

I need a spade, says Gaius. I'll go back to the camper and see if I can find one.

We'll stay here, says Terence.

We'll help you with your poem, says Shorty-Tartus. We were there at the end.

He saved you, says Terence. Put that in.

He saved us, says Quiet-Tartus. What rhymes with us?

Pus, says Terence.

Fuss, says Shorty-Tartus.

Now shut up, says Terence. I'm first.

A dog has died, (says Terence), he got run over, but that isn't why/ he got better and went swimming after Sweezus, a very good guy.....

Now us, says Shorty-Tartus. 

Not yet, says Terence. He didn't make it, he drowned in the sea/ no one could find him and so/ two brave frogs decided to get on a surfboard and go/ ......now you.

We fell off / we thought we would die/ Unhappy floated by/ dead, with no fuss, he saved us/ another good guy, says Shorty-Tartus.

Terence can't believe how good their joint memorial poem is. 

He hopes Gaius hurries back with the spade.

Dark Lumpish Object

 Angourie Point.

Gaius gets out of the camper, followed by Roo-kai and Terence.

They head down to the beach.

Sweezus is surfing in on his surfboard.

Any luck? shouts Gaius.

No, says Sweezus. I reckon he's a goner. Must've got caught in a rip.

That's too bad, says Gaius. I'll walk along the shoreline and see if he's been washed in.

Yeah okay, says Sweezus. Surf's really good here. Swells from east northeast at the moment.

Very nice, says Gaius. 

Sweezus paddles out, just as Arthur surfs in.

Arthur is about to head out again when Gaius shouts: Arthur!

What is it? shouts Arthur.

We're back, says Gaius. I hear you have not found Unhappy. 

We tried, says Arthur.

I'm sure you did your best, says Gaius.

Where's Ludwig? asks Terence.

Still out there, says Arthur. Still looking.

At least someone has not given up on finding Unhappy, says Gaius.

He's not looking for Unhappy, says Arthur. 

What then? asks Gaius.

Don't worry, says Arthur. Frogs can swim, can't they.

The frogs! says Gaius. This is ill-omened!

What's happening? asks Terence.

Sounds like the frogs have also gone missing, says Roo-kai.

How did this...? begins Gaius. 

But the swells from east northeast are building. 

Ask Ludwig, says Arthur, as he heads out towards them.

Wittgenstein swishes in gracefully.

What's this about the frogs! asks Gaius.

The foolhardy frogs, says Wittgenstein. They insisted on helping. First big wave, and of course they fell in.

Tch! says Gaius. We must find them, they're our only means of comparison with the Slender Bleating tree frog. 

I understand that, says Wittgenstein. I'll keep looking.

He turns seawards and launches himself through a wave.

Come Terence and Roo-kai, says Gaius. We shall walk in this direction, keeping our eyes peeled.

I didn't get my treat yet, says Terence. That's another bad thing. 

That is not a bad thing, says Roo-kai. It's something to look forward to.

Indeed, says Gaius. Now what is that dark lumpish object I see in the distance?

I'll fly ahead and see, says Roo-kai.

He flies towards the dark lumpish object.

Useless Protection

What's the story? asks Roo-kai. And why are you driving?

Needs must, replies Gaius.  

Where's my treat? asks Terence.

All in good time, mutters Gaius.

He is not used to driving.

Have you renewed your licence? asks Roo-kai.

No I haven't, says Gaius. I really must do it.

Watch out! says Roo-kai.

Thank you, says Gaius, avoiding a low speed collision.

At least tell me what it is, says Terence.

What what is? asks Gaius.

My treat, says Terence.

I'll let Ludwig tell you, says Gaius.

Where is he? asks Terence.

Gaius takes the turnoff to Angourie Point.

He's out on the ocean, says Gaius. 

Surfing? asks Roo-kai.

I suppose you could say that, says Gaius. But really just paddling and searching.

What for? asks Terence.

Not Arthur and Sweezus! says Roo-kai.

No, no, says Gaius. They too will be paddling and searching. That's why I had to drive back to Yamba to collect you.

But what has been lost? asks Roo-kai.

Unhappy, says Gaius. He followed Sweezus out, and must have got into trouble. We found his pennyroyal crown, floating.

I knew it was useless protection, says Terence.

Poor Unhappy, says Roo-kai. He may be lying at the bottom of the ocean.

Wah! cries Terence.

I'm sure they'll locate him, says Gaius.

No! wails Terence. I left Monty behind!

Who is Monty? asks Gaius.

A toy horse, says Roo-kai. He'll still be in the dishwasher at the Bean Scene.

May I ask how Terence came by a toy horse? asks Gaius. 

I earned it, says Terence.

For being lost, says Roo-kai. It was my fault.

Let's go back! cries Terence.

No, says Gaius. Rescuing a dog, lost at sea, is more pressing than recovering a toy horse from a dishwasher.

And you'll get your treat sooner, says Roo-kai. We can pick Monty up later.

And my pot plant! says Terence. You left that behind too!

Dear me, says Gaius. How many unfortunate events can happen in twenty four hours?

Funny he should say that. 

It's about to get worse.

Slow Going

You must be the kid who lost the toy horse, says the kitchen hand.

I must be, says Terence. 

Okay, says the kitchen hand. Let's find it.

He lifts out a clean coffee mug. Hands it to Terence.

The coffee mug is warm, but it's empty.

Put it on that rack there, says the kitchen hand.

He hands Terence another one.

This is slow going.

Terence puts the second clean coffee mug  on the rack next to the first one.

Is this it? asks the kitchen hand, pointing at Monty who is under a grid at the bottom, forelegs uppermost.

Terence peers in.

Monty! says Terence.

Stand back, says the kitchen hand. He's jammed.

He forces Monty's forelegs back through the grid.

Now Monty is horizontal, in a puddle of water.

Hurry up with those dishes! shouts someone.

I'll have to unload the rest of the dishes, says the kitchen hand. 

He quickly unloads the rest of the dishes and rushes through to the café.

He does not come back for some time.

I'll get you out, Monty, says Terence.

Monty looks up. How will Terence do it?

Terence reaches in, through and down.

Grasps Monty by the tail, and drags him up sideways.

Monty's tail and bottom are out, but his legs are a problem.

Terence lets go of Monty.

He runs back to the front of the café, and out to the table where Roo-kai and Bronte are sitting. 

He is about to say Guess what, Monty's stuck, come and help me, when a campervan mounts the kerb in front of the Bean Scene, stopping suddenly.

Gaius gets out.

Jumping Jupiter! says Gaius. Thank goodness for bollards! Hello Terence and Roo-kai. Very sensible of you to sit outdoors in front of a café where I could see you

Are you the guardian of this infant? asks Bronte.

You could say that, says Gaius.

Then my job is done, says Bronte. Have a good day.

He leaves.

Who was that? asks Gaius.

Bronte, says Terence. He thought I was missing, but I wasn't.

Of course you weren't, says Gaius. Hop in, we're going back to pick up the others.

Back tracking? says Roo-kai.

Long story, says Gaius. I'll explain on the way, and there's a treat for you, Terence.

If he hadn't said treat Terence might have remembered Monty.

But he doesn't.

Have I Died In The Dishwasher?

Terence comes out of the Bean Scene with a raspberry Fanta.

He sits down at the outdoor table.

Where's Monty?

Roo-kai looks up from his prawn.

Bronte looks up from his smoothie.

Someone's cleared the dirty mug away, says Roo-kai.

But Monty was in it! cries Terence.

Never mind, says Roo-kai. He still will be.

I'll go in and ask, says Bronte. You drink your Fanta.

Terence scowls at his Fanta.

Bronte comes out.

Monte is in the dishwasher, says Bronte. They won't switch it off.

Wah! says Terence. Monty will be neighing.

He'll be getting clean, says Roo-kai. 

They'll bring him out when the dishwasher's finished its cycle, says Bronte.

Terence sucks on his raspberry Fanta, but the joy has gone out of it.

Dishwashers are for dishes, not horses. Monty will be scared of the sound effects. 

Clang-prong-slush-woosh-grrum, clang-prong-woosh-gurrr, clang-prong-swoosh-grruum....ding!

Can I at least go in and wait for the ding? asks Terence.

I don't see why not, says Roo-kai.

Terence goes back into the café, and through to the kitchen.

No one sees him because they are busy.

He tiptoes up to the dishwasher.

He hears Monty neighing, and also loud clanging and swooshing.

He waits for the ding.

Inside the dishwasher Monty is jammed upside down in the coffee mug, between the curve of the mug and the prong.

Hot water squirts up into his face and around him, then cascades down his tail and hind quarters.

The water is soapy.

He slides out of the coffee mug, and becomes wedged in a grid.

He lies on his side amongst lentils.

Then, the dishwasher is silent.

Have I died? wonders Monty.

But no. It's just a pause before the rinse cycle.

Thump-gurr-swoosh-clang.

At last the dishwasher subsides to a state of inertia.

Drip drip.

Ding!

A kitchen hand hurries over to open the dishwasher.

Finally! says Terence

Monty Likes Germs

Roo-kai and Terence wait outside the Bean Scene in Yamba.

This is boring, says Terence.

What if we sit at a table? says Roo-kai. 

What good would that do? asks Terence.

You could play with your horse, and I could put down this pot plant, says Roo-kai.

Okay, says Terence.

They sit at an outdoor table, under an umbrella.

It would be good if we both had red drinks, says Terence.

Good if YOU had a red drink, says Roo-kai. And good if I had a mollusc.

Yes, says Terence. Why don't we order?

No money, says Roo-kai.

Parrots don't need money, says Terence.

They don't go to cafés, says Roo-kai.

Terence knows they do sometimes. 

He plays with his horse.

He is calling it Monty.

Up, Monty! says Terence.

Monty jumps into a dirty coffee mug.

Good Monty! says Terence.

Get him out! says Roo-kai. There might be germs in that coffee mug.

Monty likes germs, says Terence.

Suddenly, Bronte looms up before them.

Just doing due diligence, says Bronte. No one's picked you up yet?

Not yet, says Roo-kai.

Would you guys like a snack? asks Bronte. They do a good bacon and egg roll here.

Roo-kai looks offended.  

Or a prawn roll, says Bronte.

That might be nicer, says Roo-kai.

Bronte goes inside and comes back with a prawn roll and a frozen monkey smoothie.

Thanks, says Roo-kai. He starts picking the prawns out.

I only drink red drinks, says Terence. That one's brown.

This is a frozen monkey smoothie, says Bronte. Never mind, I'll have it.

What do I get? asks Terence.

How about a raspberry Fanta? says Bronte.

Yay! says Terence.

Here's some money. Go in and ask for one, says Bronte.

Terence goes in.

Roo-kai chews on cooked prawns and Bronte sucks up his brown smoothie.

A barista comes out and removes the dirty coffee mug, which has Monty inside.

Back To Where They Left Us

Sit here, says Bronte. Would you like a drink of water?

No, says Terence.

I need to get in touch with your parents, says Bronte.

They're not my parents, says Terence.

I must intervene here, says Roo-kai.

And why is that? asks Bronte.

This is all my fault, says Roo-kai. I'm in loco parentis.

You're a bird, says Bronte.

My parrot, says Terence.

More like an ibis, says Bronte.

I'm nothing like an ibis! says Roo-kai.

More like an ibis than a parrot, says Bronte.

Terence calls all his birds parrots, says Roo-kai. And we indulge him. It's a compliment really.

Yes, says Terence, parrots are the cleverest. 

Although that is debatable, says Roo-kai.

I'm confused, says Bronte. You're a fake parrot in loco parentis. Can you prove it?

Unfortunately not, says Roo-kai. But I do have credentials.

What kind of credentials? asks Bronte.

A medal from the French government, says Roo-kai. Chevalier des Clandestines.

Show me, says Bronte.

I think Terence has it, says Roo-kai.

I lost it, says Terence.

Again? says Roo-kai.

Enough of this, says Bronte. I need to write down a few details. The kid's called Terence?

Yes, says Roo-kai. And my name is Roo-kai.

How come you've got a Japanese name? asks Bronte.

It's not quite Japanese, says Roo-kai. It's Terence's version of Ryoukai.

Got it! says Bronte.

You know Japanese? says Rou-kai.

Not really, says Bronte. But I sometimes read manga. 

Stop talking, says Terence. You're supposed to be helping someone to find me,

There's really no need, says Roo-kai. Terence and I could go back to where Gaius and Wittgenstein left us, and wait there.

Are you really a Chevalier des Clandestines? asks Bronte.

Yes, says Roo-kai. 

Bronte looks at Roo-kai closely. The bird does look honest.

Go then, says Bronte. 

Roo-kai picks up the pot plant.