Preposterous

I was playing with my stones, trying to build a stone man that kept falling down. This was a pity because I had the ideal head. A triangular shaped stone with three holes in it, two eyes and a mouth. It looked like the head in Munch's painting The Scream, except Munch's head was more like an upside-down pear. When I say ideal, it wasn't really because the point of the triangle was where the chin would be, so the head wouldn't balance on any other stone no matter how flat. Nor would Munch's have though.

Pliny the Elder appeared. You have a collection of stones! he exclaimed. May I see them?

Alright, I said, giving up on my man. See. These are my 2 favourites, a fossil, and an opposite-of-fossil.

There is no such thing as an opposite-of-fossil, said Pliny.

Yes there is, I said. Have a look.

Hmm, said Pliny, very amusing. And what are these?

These are river pebbles from Tasmania. This is a conglomerate. This is a quartz, with dirt on it. These two green ones are malachites I found at Burra. This is Munch's head. This one looks like a gingerbread man, running. This one looks like a toffee. These are two I picked up at Glanum, in Provence. Personally I believe that they are bits of pottery but no one else does. And that's a shell.

You are very fond of stones I see, said Pliny.

I am, I said. I sometimes think I must have been a stone in a former life, I added recklessly.

Preposterous! spluttered Pliny. If that were so you would still be one today!