Clearing the Air

I see, said Pliny the Elder, that you had a most interesting sojourn in the place you call Carrickalinga.

We did, I replied. You would have enjoyed it a great deal.

Why then, he said, looking at me darkly, did you not invite me to come with you? You know how interested I am in natural history and the natural sciences. The landscape you describe would have delighted me and afforded me much knowledge.

You are too old, I said, and would have stumbled on the rocky platforms and fallen into fissures. I do not doubt that once or twice you would have fallen backwards into the sea.

Is that so? he bristled. And how old am I, in your opinion, as a matter of interest?

Ancient, I replied.

In fact, he said, I cannot be older than 57, since that is the age at which I met my end. That makes me younger than you, correct me if I am wrong.

Oh come on, I said. Add 2000 years to that and then you will be right. So you're cross are you? Is that why you didn't bring the bins in, water the plants or eat the cheese?

Quite possiby, he said. And while we're in this mood, why didn't you thank me for my poem about tomatoes? Did you not think my joke was very funny?

No I didn't. And where on earth did you get all that ridiculous information from?

He looked at me, disdainfully. It came, he said, from a highly reputable source by the name of tomatoes are evil . com. I can show it to you if you wish.