Obsequious

Pliny the Elder is annoyed. The two professors have deprived him of the pleasure of writing a complaining letter. Worse, they have obliged him to write to the editors of Velosophy on their behalf. He derives no joy from being obsequious. He makes a start:

Greetings to the Editors of Velosophy from Pliny the Elder!

Gentlemen, due to a series of UNFORTUNATE EVENTS I find myself in the unenviable position of seeking a favour on behalf of two professors WHOM I BARELY KNOW. One is Professor John F Healey, the Professor of Ugaritic studies at Manchester University, and the other is Professor John F Healy, Professor of Classics at the University of London.

Professor John F Healey, whom I contacted in error, thinking he was Professor John F Healy, the translator of a SELECTION OF MY WORKS ( ! ), knew of me through my contributions to your magazine, and replied asking me if I would recommend him to you as a contributor. As I felt somewhat responsible for the connection, I agreed to do so.

Professor John F Healy, whom I also contacted in error, thinking I was replying to Professor John F Healey and agreeing to recommend him to you as a contributor, received the impression that I was inviting him to contribute to your magazine. Perhaps this is understandable, but it seems to me that Professor John F Healy was somewhat PRECIPITATE in his reply.

Whatever the case I feel I have done as much as can be reasonably expected by these TWO PROFESSORS. The rest is up to you.

I would prefer you to contact the professors directly, as I am a very busy man. I feel I should warn you however, if you do, IT IS EASY TO MIX THEM UP.

Thank you gentlemen, for your attention,

Pliny the Elder.

What do you think? asked Pliny, showing me the letter.

You have skilfully avoided being obsequious, I said.