Tour Down Under - Clash Of Cultures

People's Choice Classic. Thirty laps of the Rymill Park circuit.

The premier Jay Weatherill fires a pistol. They're off.

Team Philosophe gets off to a wobbly start.

This is thanks to an unforeseen event.

Terence has secreted himself in the wicker basket of Richard Dawkin's bicycle. After the pistol shot, Terence pops up.

Richard swerves sideways, catching the front wheel of Gaius, who crashes into Vello.

Steady! cries Vello. What's up?

Little fellow in my basket, says Richard Dawkins. Don't worry. I'm tipping him out.

He stops at the side of the track to ditch Terence, who stomps back to the start line, where Karl Marx is standing with Belle et Bonne.

Terence, that was naughty, says Belle.

I don't get how he could see me, says Terence. Grandpa said he wouldn't.

Karl, says Belle et Bonne, what nonsense have you been feeding Terence?

Atheism is not nonsense, says Marx. But you try explaining it to him.

........

Sweezus  and Surfing-With-Whales have got off to a good start.

Arthur and Pablo Neruda are not far behind.

We need to speed up, says Arthur.

Cadel Evans rides up beside them.

See, says Arthur.

Hi there, says Cadel, in an expansive mood.

It's his last Tour down Under.

Hi there! says Pablo Neruda.

Cadel speeds up and disappears round a bend.

Gaius rides up beside Arthur and Pablo Neruda.

Did you boys see what happened back there? says Gaius.

No, says Arthur. What happened?

I think you should ride up and tell Sweezus, says Gaius.

Tell him what? asks Pablo Neruda.

That little monkey, Terence, says Gaius. He upset Richard Dawkins.

Okay, says Arthur. I'll go.

Arthur speeds up, leaving Pablo Neruda level with Gaius.

Vroom! Marcel Kittel rides by.

Nice boy, that Kittel, says Gaius. And very fast. He'll probably win today. Enjoying the race so far, Pablo?

Very much, says Pablo Neruda. This is a beautiful circuit and.... the girls are so pretty.

Great Jupiter! says Gaius. What girls? This is no time....

All around us, says Pablo Neruda, turning his head. Girls in short dresses, short skirts and short shorts. I am filled with a feeling of longing

He reaches into his lycra back pocket and pulls out a pen.

Gaius is offended. He speeds up, in spite of the bruise on his bottom.

......

Arthur has caught up to Sweezus.

What's up? says Sweezus.

Terence upset Richard Dawkins, says Arthur.

Shit. I'm not his keeper, says Sweezus. And where's Pablo?

Back there somewhere, says Arthur. He doesn't seem all that motivated.

.......

He does now though.

Richard Dawkins has caught up to Pablo Neruda and introduced himself.

Cameron Meyer, Richie Porte, Michael Rogers, Luis Leon Sanchez, Martin Elmiger and Wouter Wippert ride past them.

Richard and Pablo don't even notice. They are deep in intellectual conversation about various topics.

Love poetry, for example, and the mysterious nature of sleep.