What Happens When A Zombie Is Poisoned

It's the last leg of the overnight drive from Perth to Esperance. Arthur is driving.

He is feeling unwell.  Both his knees are itchy.

Ferdy is napping.

Arthur stops the Perth Scuba van in Munglinup.

It's two o'clock in the morning.

Arthur wishes he hadn't eaten the semi-frozen wontons.

And the golden preserved chinese plums.

He sits down on the kerb and regards his knees ruefully.

What's up? says Ferdy. Why'd we stop? Hey, you look like a zombie.

What happens when a zombie gets poisoned? asks Arthur.

Dunno, says Ferdy. Nothing I guess. Here have some water.

He offers Arthur some water. Arthur swallows the water.

Gug-ug-ug. (Pause). Bluuuu-aah!

Semi-frozen wontons and golden preserved plums pour plentifully from the internal regions of Arthur and run into the gutter.

That feels better.

I knew we should've taken a break, says Ferdy. Let's take one now.

They climb into the back of the blue and white Perth Scuba van.

There at the side of the Southern Coast Highway, painted with goldfish, coral and logos, creaking like the floorboards at home.

Arthur lies down.

Sleep, says Ferdy.

Can't, says Arthur. His eyes bulge like red veined gumballs.

Relax, says Ferdy. Breathe.

I am breathing, says Arthur. It's not helping.

Do like I do, says Ferdy.

He presses the side of his nose.

Its called alternative nostril breathing, says Ferdy. First one, then the other. Ideally you should sit up with a straight spine and lower your shoulders.

Arthur is spellbound by the concept of alternative nostril breathing.

He tries it with his own fingers, but in the prone position

Sniff...... snoof....... sniff....... snoof.

Arthur is asleep in no time.

Ferdy. What a legend.

Ferdy looks down at Arthur sleeping.

Was he worth stealing a van for? And an expensive rebreather?

What is he doing?

And now Arthur smells of preserved plummy vomit, which is repulsive.

Ferdy looks out of the window of the Perth Scuba van. Where are they?

Munglinup. It's only an hour out of Esperance.

And what time is it? Two?

Ferdy lies down next to Arthur, and practices alternative nostril breathing.

Sniff...... snoof...... sniff...... snoof.

Ferdy is good at it.

Soon he too is asleep.