Murder Most Fowl

You go in, says Sweezus. I'm not going in.

Why aren't you going in? asks Arthur.

The peacock, says Sweezus.

I'll go in, says Arthur. I'll get rid of the peacock.

Without upsetting Terence, says Sweezus.

Yes, says Arthur.

Arthur goes into the cabin, where Gaius is trying to open his bag of spiced peas.

Arthur! says Gaius. I hear you were wounded.

I'm okay, says Arthur. Is there a peacock in here? Sweezus won't come in.

Oh yes he will, says Vello. He needs to practise his lines.

Ssü-K'ung Shu takes the bag of spiced peas from Gaius.

If he won't come in, says Shu, I'll read his lines with Arthur.

What good will that do? says Vello.

No good, says Arthur.

Shu bites the bag open, the spiced peas spill out.

Terence is whispering to his peacock, under the table.

Terence: You're doomed because no one knows where you are.

Peacock: You know.

Terence: But I'm your disciple.

Peacock: Yes. It's time for your lesson. Today's lesson is on Equivalence.

Arthur: Can I listen?

Peacock: It's all the same to me. The idea of equivalence is cherished in Hinduism.

Terence: What is it?

Arthur: It's when two things are the same.

Terence: Like me and Sweezus.

Peacock: I'm giving this lesson. And who is Sweezus?

Terence: He's outside.

Peacock: That is not an equivalence. Equivalence is established when two different gods are identified as equivalents, such as Shiva and Vishnu.

Arthur: How is the equivalence established?

Peacock: By one being limitless, the other supreme.

Terence: Like a pizza!

Peacock: The lesson is over.

Terence: Thank you, my parrot.

Peacock: Peacock.

Arthur: Feral peacock.

Peacock: How did you know?

Arthur: The radio collar.

Peacock: Oh-oh!

Arthur: Want me to undo it?

Peacock: What with?

Arthur: My Swiss Army knife. It has thirty three functions.

He whips it out of his pocket. Fans out the snippers and strippers and corkscrews and blades.

The peacock thrusts her neck forward. Soon she will be free.

Arthur starts sawing, backwards and forwards.

Ee-arrr-ee-arrr-ee-arrr....

Terence watches in fascination as the head of his parrot drops off.