Ying stares up at the Passion Façade on the western side of the Sagrada Familia.
An austere geometrical crucifixion. She looks down at Terence.
Sorry, says Ying. Maybe I shouldn't have brought you.
Why? asks Terence.
That's you in the future, says Baby Pierre.
That's rubbish, says Terence.
I know, says Baby Pierre. But it's you in the future.
A contradiction, says Daniel O'Connell. How can it be him in the future?
It can be, says Baby Pierre. If you know about sculpture. I bet you don't know about sculpture.
No, says Terence. He only knows about dancing. That's the opposite.
Opposite! says Daniel O'Connell. And how is it the opposite?
If you're stuck up with nails, says Terence. Like that guy. No more dancing.
Ha! says Baby Pierre. See. Even Terence gets it.
Even I get it, says Terence. It cannot but be.
Cannot but be, says Baby Pierre. What if you saw a bean?
Terence thinks hard.
It cannot but been, says Terence.
(Terence has mastered the game, in all its complexity).
Cannot but bean, says Baby Pierre. That's good. What about a beetroot?
What's this? says Daniel O'Connell. A game?
Yes, and you're not in it, says Baby Pierre. And you know why.
Daniel O'Connell has forgotten. But now he remembers.
Sorry, Baby Pierre, says Daniel O'Connell. I forgot you in all the excitement. Forgive me.
I'll forgive you, says Baby Pierre, if you let me wear your waistcoat.
What do I get? asks Terence.
Have you guys finished looking? asks Ying.
Yes, says Terence.
Okay, says Ying. Let's go shopping. We'll go to El Corte Inglés. There's a sale on.
Can I get a waistcoat? asks Terence.
Let's see, says Ying, getting out her smart phone. Waistcoat...waistcoat... no kids' waistcoats.... but hey, how about this long sleeved tee? Look what it says on the front. "I'm a morning person". Are you a morning person? And the guy's brushing his teeth. And he's got a mask on. How cool is this tee?
Terence looks at the picture on Ying's smartphone.
He just KNOWS he's a morning person.
Yay! Cannot but be.
Monday, October 31, 2016
Sunday, October 30, 2016
What The Four Virtues Are
As Daniel O'Connell is descending, Gaius and Kong Fu-Zi are arriving.
Daniel stops at face level.
Where have you been? asks Gaius. And why are your legs a faint green?
Long story, says Daniel O'Connell. I have just made a deal with Saint Joseph up there. As for my legs, blame the absynthe.
Deal? says Gaius, ignoring the green legs conundrum. What deal?
Daniel O'Connell explains how he came to the rescue of Terence.
You left your two friends as hostages, says Gaius. I see.
Not my friends exactly, says Daniel O'Connell. Bearers of my travelling wardrobe.
Daniel O'Connell! says Ying. They have been KIND to you, through all your near death experiences! You should be more grateful.
This is not right at all, says Kong Fu-Zi. You have failed to practice the third and fourth of the four virtues.
Good one, says Sweezus.
At least he saved Terence, says Baby Pierre.
Thank you, Baby Pierre, says Daniel O'Connell.
Thank you, green legs, says Terence.
That reminds me, says Gaius. Why are we to blame your green legs on an absence? They seem to be all in position.
He can count them. Eight pale green ones. Waving in front of his face.
Absinthe, says Arthur. He slipped and fell in the absinthe, at Bar Absenta.
Fascinating, says Gaius. And it went to his transparent legs. Make a note, Kong.
Kong feels in his drop crotch trouser pockets, for a pen and paper.
Pen, good. Damn. No paper.
I'm going round to the Passion Facade, says Ying. Anyone coming?
Me, says Terence.
Me, says Baby Pierre.
Me, says Daniel O'Connell.
We're off, says Arthur.
Yeah, says Sweezus. We're off. See you all later. Where's our hotel, Ying?
Ibis Barcelona Centro, says Ying. Just round the corner, on Carre de Napols.
Cool, says Sweezus. No worries.
He and Arthur head off in the direction of Platja Nova Icaria (a sandy beach close to the marina, with cafes, bars and volleyball nets......)
I bought you a present, says Arthur. A Fitbit.
Thanks mate, says Sweezus. I always wanted a Fitbit.
Sweezus clips on his Fitbit in order to to count every step that he takes in Barcelona.
Did you say you BOUGHT it? asks Sweezus.
Kind of, says Arthur. Ying gave me a whole heap of euros.
Wicked, says Sweezus. Did you buy that watch too?
Yes, says Arthur. It has all the same functions.
No kidding? says Sweezus. Does it write fuckin' postcards? Look, I got one in Dubai.
He shows Arthur the postcard of Burj al Arab.
That's one in ten thousand, says Arthur. Did you buy it?
No, this woman called Edith had it. She didn't want it. She was in the Zen Gardens.
I liked the Zen Gardens, says Arthur.
Me too, says Sweezus. Hey, what d'you reckon the four virtues are?
Don't know, says Arthur.
They have now arrived at the Platja.
Daniel stops at face level.
Where have you been? asks Gaius. And why are your legs a faint green?
Long story, says Daniel O'Connell. I have just made a deal with Saint Joseph up there. As for my legs, blame the absynthe.
Deal? says Gaius, ignoring the green legs conundrum. What deal?
Daniel O'Connell explains how he came to the rescue of Terence.
You left your two friends as hostages, says Gaius. I see.
Not my friends exactly, says Daniel O'Connell. Bearers of my travelling wardrobe.
Daniel O'Connell! says Ying. They have been KIND to you, through all your near death experiences! You should be more grateful.
This is not right at all, says Kong Fu-Zi. You have failed to practice the third and fourth of the four virtues.
Good one, says Sweezus.
At least he saved Terence, says Baby Pierre.
Thank you, Baby Pierre, says Daniel O'Connell.
Thank you, green legs, says Terence.
That reminds me, says Gaius. Why are we to blame your green legs on an absence? They seem to be all in position.
He can count them. Eight pale green ones. Waving in front of his face.
Absinthe, says Arthur. He slipped and fell in the absinthe, at Bar Absenta.
Fascinating, says Gaius. And it went to his transparent legs. Make a note, Kong.
Kong feels in his drop crotch trouser pockets, for a pen and paper.
Pen, good. Damn. No paper.
I'm going round to the Passion Facade, says Ying. Anyone coming?
Me, says Terence.
Me, says Baby Pierre.
Me, says Daniel O'Connell.
We're off, says Arthur.
Yeah, says Sweezus. We're off. See you all later. Where's our hotel, Ying?
Ibis Barcelona Centro, says Ying. Just round the corner, on Carre de Napols.
Cool, says Sweezus. No worries.
He and Arthur head off in the direction of Platja Nova Icaria (a sandy beach close to the marina, with cafes, bars and volleyball nets......)
I bought you a present, says Arthur. A Fitbit.
Thanks mate, says Sweezus. I always wanted a Fitbit.
Sweezus clips on his Fitbit in order to to count every step that he takes in Barcelona.
Did you say you BOUGHT it? asks Sweezus.
Kind of, says Arthur. Ying gave me a whole heap of euros.
Wicked, says Sweezus. Did you buy that watch too?
Yes, says Arthur. It has all the same functions.
No kidding? says Sweezus. Does it write fuckin' postcards? Look, I got one in Dubai.
He shows Arthur the postcard of Burj al Arab.
That's one in ten thousand, says Arthur. Did you buy it?
No, this woman called Edith had it. She didn't want it. She was in the Zen Gardens.
I liked the Zen Gardens, says Arthur.
Me too, says Sweezus. Hey, what d'you reckon the four virtues are?
Don't know, says Arthur.
They have now arrived at the Platja.
Saturday, October 29, 2016
The Disappointed Virgin
Saint Joseph recognises Terence immediately, without the sunhat.
He knits his brow, grabs a nail from his toolkit, and a carpenter's pencil.
Paper, he snarls.
The Virgin always has paper.
Watch out! cries Ying.
Sweezus picks up the nail, and unwraps the paper. Reads:
You, kid. Get up here at once!
Sweezus shows it to Arthur.
What do you reckon?
He wants the Mighty Atom, says Arthur.
Oh no he doesn't! says the Mighty Atom. He's never liked me.
HE'S NEVER LIKED ME! shouts Terence. I'm not going.
Well, I'm not going, says the Mighty Atom. I'm off to fight robots.
So who's going? asks Ying. Everyone's waiting.
It's true. The entire crowd has been following the drama, and is waiting.
Send that one, says someone. He looks the part. Cute as a button. I'd worship that one.
He is pointing at Terence.
Waah! cries Terence.
What will happen?
Suddenly the Rooibos box opens.
Send me! cries Daniel O'Connell. Don't I have the finest sweet words like the scent of apples?
No, says Arthur. That was the real Daniel O'Connell.
We'll go, says Geoff Darwin, won't we, Cedric?
Absolutely, says Cedric Walnut. I'm a carpenter by trade. I'd be quite keen.
OKAY! cries the Mighty Atom. I'll give you a lift up. But I'm not staying.
Tucking the Rooibos box under his arm, he flies up to the Holy Family, and dumps the red box in front of Saint Joseph, ably dodging a whack with a hammer.
What's this? roars Saint Joseph.
Even the Virgin looks mildly interested. Is it tea, dear? That African tea? I wouldn't mind a ....
No, cries Daniel O'Connell, emerging. It is I, Daniel O'Connell.
And Geoff Darwin, says Geoff Darwin. Botanist. I do admire your floral decorations.
And I'm Cedric Walnut, says Cedric Walnut. Carpenter. You have a great place here.
You don't say, says Saint Joseph, disarmed.
I want you to let Terence go, says Daniel O'Connell.
Who's Terence? asks Saint Joseph.
Your little one, says Daniel O'Connell. I'm surprised at you, for not knowing!
Is that the name he goes by? says Saint Joseph. Typical. An African slave.
He's not stopping, says Daniel O'Connell. He's on his way to the Canaries, with me.
You seem like a reliable type of fellow, says Saint Joseph. Go then, but these two are staying with me, until you return from the Canaries with MY WIFE'S BABY.
The Virgin looks pained.
That's fine by us, says Geoff Darwin. We'll be happy to stay.
Yes, we will, says Cedric Walnut. So much to see here.
Deal, says Daniel O'Connell looking around for the Mighty Atom, to give him a lift down.
But the Mighty Atom has already zoomed off to fight robots.
Daniel O'Connell, liberator extraordinaire, words sweet as apples, checked waistcoat, green tinted legs, is not bothered.
A spider can let himself down.
He knits his brow, grabs a nail from his toolkit, and a carpenter's pencil.
Paper, he snarls.
The Virgin always has paper.
Watch out! cries Ying.
Sweezus picks up the nail, and unwraps the paper. Reads:
You, kid. Get up here at once!
Sweezus shows it to Arthur.
What do you reckon?
He wants the Mighty Atom, says Arthur.
Oh no he doesn't! says the Mighty Atom. He's never liked me.
HE'S NEVER LIKED ME! shouts Terence. I'm not going.
Well, I'm not going, says the Mighty Atom. I'm off to fight robots.
So who's going? asks Ying. Everyone's waiting.
It's true. The entire crowd has been following the drama, and is waiting.
Send that one, says someone. He looks the part. Cute as a button. I'd worship that one.
He is pointing at Terence.
Waah! cries Terence.
What will happen?
Suddenly the Rooibos box opens.
Send me! cries Daniel O'Connell. Don't I have the finest sweet words like the scent of apples?
No, says Arthur. That was the real Daniel O'Connell.
We'll go, says Geoff Darwin, won't we, Cedric?
Absolutely, says Cedric Walnut. I'm a carpenter by trade. I'd be quite keen.
OKAY! cries the Mighty Atom. I'll give you a lift up. But I'm not staying.
Tucking the Rooibos box under his arm, he flies up to the Holy Family, and dumps the red box in front of Saint Joseph, ably dodging a whack with a hammer.
What's this? roars Saint Joseph.
Even the Virgin looks mildly interested. Is it tea, dear? That African tea? I wouldn't mind a ....
No, cries Daniel O'Connell, emerging. It is I, Daniel O'Connell.
And Geoff Darwin, says Geoff Darwin. Botanist. I do admire your floral decorations.
And I'm Cedric Walnut, says Cedric Walnut. Carpenter. You have a great place here.
You don't say, says Saint Joseph, disarmed.
I want you to let Terence go, says Daniel O'Connell.
Who's Terence? asks Saint Joseph.
Your little one, says Daniel O'Connell. I'm surprised at you, for not knowing!
Is that the name he goes by? says Saint Joseph. Typical. An African slave.
He's not stopping, says Daniel O'Connell. He's on his way to the Canaries, with me.
You seem like a reliable type of fellow, says Saint Joseph. Go then, but these two are staying with me, until you return from the Canaries with MY WIFE'S BABY.
The Virgin looks pained.
That's fine by us, says Geoff Darwin. We'll be happy to stay.
Yes, we will, says Cedric Walnut. So much to see here.
Deal, says Daniel O'Connell looking around for the Mighty Atom, to give him a lift down.
But the Mighty Atom has already zoomed off to fight robots.
Daniel O'Connell, liberator extraordinaire, words sweet as apples, checked waistcoat, green tinted legs, is not bothered.
A spider can let himself down.
Friday, October 28, 2016
Seven Special Powers
Oh! says Ying. Something fell off the cathedral. A cute toy!
It's Astro Boy, says Arthur. The replacement for Terence.
Astro Boy has not yet spoken.
A crowd has gathered.
Hey, says someone. Look what fell out of the nativity! And it's not Baby Jesus.
Astro Boy addresses himself to Arthur:
Ho! About time!
Sorry? says Arthur. How was it up there?
All right as long as I kept my mouth shut, says Astro Boy.
Someone titters.
I didn't know you could speak, says Arthur.
I couldn't, says Astro Boy. But a boy grows up. A boy learns things. Have you brought the replacement?
You've waited two years for a replacement! says Arthur. Never thought of just leaving?
The good don't just up and leave, says Astro Boy.
Well said! says an onlooker.
What's in the box? asks Astro Boy.
Nothing, says Arthur.
I have seven special powers, says Astro Boy. Number three is my high intensity eye-lights. I could see in it, without you even opening it.
Go on then, says Arthur.
No! cries Ying.
Fortuitously, Terence runs forward, in his sun hat.
Yes, Terence and his party have landed in Barcelona, and headed straight for the Sagrada Familia.
Not because they wanted to. Gaius and Kong would rather have found a hotel.
But the arrangement was to meet Arthur, Ying and Daniel O'Connell outside the Sagrada Familia on Friday. And they are men of honour.
And Ying has control of the bookings.
So, here is Terence, having run forward.
Ho! says Astro Boy! You, baby! Are you ready?
Who are you? asks Terence.
Call me the Mighty Atom, says Astro Boy. Are you ready? You're going up there.
NO WAY! shouts Terence, so loud that his voice floats up to the ears of the Virgin (no reaction) and Saint Joseph, who glares down like a Gothic black thundercloud.
I'm not going up there! says Terence. That's your job, for ever!
That wasn't the understanding, says Astro Boy, Mighty Atom.
Sweezus appears, behind Arthur.
Arthur turns round.
Bro! says Sweezus.
You made it, says Arthur.
Yep, says Sweezus. What's up?
Down, says Arthur. He is. Astro Boy. He can talk, and he has seven special powers.
So he claims, says Ying. He hasn't shown any.
He's an IDIOT! says Terence.
Awesome! says Sweezus. Special powers. What are they?
A high IQ, says the Mighty Atom. I can determine whether a person is good or evil. That's number seven.
What am I? asks Terence.
Rude, says the Mighty Atom.
Terence takes off his sun hat.
A big mistake. Now Saint Joseph can see him.
It's Astro Boy, says Arthur. The replacement for Terence.
Astro Boy has not yet spoken.
A crowd has gathered.
Hey, says someone. Look what fell out of the nativity! And it's not Baby Jesus.
Astro Boy addresses himself to Arthur:
Ho! About time!
Sorry? says Arthur. How was it up there?
All right as long as I kept my mouth shut, says Astro Boy.
Someone titters.
I didn't know you could speak, says Arthur.
I couldn't, says Astro Boy. But a boy grows up. A boy learns things. Have you brought the replacement?
You've waited two years for a replacement! says Arthur. Never thought of just leaving?
The good don't just up and leave, says Astro Boy.
Well said! says an onlooker.
What's in the box? asks Astro Boy.
Nothing, says Arthur.
I have seven special powers, says Astro Boy. Number three is my high intensity eye-lights. I could see in it, without you even opening it.
Go on then, says Arthur.
No! cries Ying.
Fortuitously, Terence runs forward, in his sun hat.
Yes, Terence and his party have landed in Barcelona, and headed straight for the Sagrada Familia.
Not because they wanted to. Gaius and Kong would rather have found a hotel.
But the arrangement was to meet Arthur, Ying and Daniel O'Connell outside the Sagrada Familia on Friday. And they are men of honour.
And Ying has control of the bookings.
So, here is Terence, having run forward.
Ho! says Astro Boy! You, baby! Are you ready?
Who are you? asks Terence.
Call me the Mighty Atom, says Astro Boy. Are you ready? You're going up there.
NO WAY! shouts Terence, so loud that his voice floats up to the ears of the Virgin (no reaction) and Saint Joseph, who glares down like a Gothic black thundercloud.
I'm not going up there! says Terence. That's your job, for ever!
That wasn't the understanding, says Astro Boy, Mighty Atom.
Sweezus appears, behind Arthur.
Arthur turns round.
Bro! says Sweezus.
You made it, says Arthur.
Yep, says Sweezus. What's up?
Down, says Arthur. He is. Astro Boy. He can talk, and he has seven special powers.
So he claims, says Ying. He hasn't shown any.
He's an IDIOT! says Terence.
Awesome! says Sweezus. Special powers. What are they?
A high IQ, says the Mighty Atom. I can determine whether a person is good or evil. That's number seven.
What am I? asks Terence.
Rude, says the Mighty Atom.
Terence takes off his sun hat.
A big mistake. Now Saint Joseph can see him.
Thursday, October 27, 2016
As If The Night Never Happened
Early morning in Barcelona.
Arthur and Ying have left Bar Absenta, and gone to sit in a park.
Arthur is rambling.
where, suddenly dying the blue,
delirium
and streaking of daylight
stronger than alcohol,
vaster than music
bitter redness ferments...
Ying doesn't like this type of poem.
What time is it? asks Ying.
Arthur looks at his Pebble watch, which is still set for Dubai.
It doesn't look right, says Arthur.
Nor do you, says Ying. How's your head bump?
Arthur stands up. Feels his head bump.
The sun rises.
He sits down again.
What's happened to Daniel O'Connell? asks Arthur.
Ying opens the box.
Are we there yet? asks Daniel O'Connell.
He is wearing Geoff Darwin's waistcoat, which has shrunk slightly.
No, we're not there yet, says Ying. We're still in Barcelona.
I knew that, says Daniel O'Connell. We're here to meet Terence's family. How do I look now?
Very nice, says Ying. Look, Arthur. Doesn't Daniel O'Connell look nice?
Arthur inspects Daniel O'Connell, in his orange and black check waistcoat, with green buttons.
And Geoff Darwin, in red pants and yellow shirt, no waistcoat.
And Cedric Walnut, in khaki pants, and a yellow waistcoat, no buttons.
As if the night in Bar Absenta never happened, except...
Daniel O'Connell's transparent legs have turned slightly green.
Okay, says Ying. Time to go and find the Sagrada Familia.
....
It's not far to the Carrer de Mallorca, and the Sagrada Familia Cathedral.
Crowds of tourists have gathered, as usual, in front of the Nativity Facade.
Wow! says Ying. It's so amazing! Look at all the carvings and statues. And the beautiful towers. And it's not even finished.
Arthur is looking upwards.
This is the spot at which Terence once tumbled down. And was replaced by a toy boy.
Arthur's memory of the event is quite hazy.
It was his toy boy. How had he got it?
A famous collector who collected shiny toys had taken Arthur home to see his collection.
( In Barcelona, such things are quite normal).
And given Arthur a present of one of the shiniest.
Arthur strains his eyes upwards.
What, Arthur? asks Ying.
A shiny black head with twin hair peaks, peers down from a great height at Arthur.
Two round eyes widen.
Astro Boy has been waiting two years for this to happen.
Zoom! he takes leave of the Virgin, and lands at the feet of Arthur Rimbaud.
The Virgin affects not to notice.
But Saint Joseph is livid.
Arthur and Ying have left Bar Absenta, and gone to sit in a park.
Arthur is rambling.
where, suddenly dying the blue,
delirium
and streaking of daylight
stronger than alcohol,
vaster than music
bitter redness ferments...
Ying doesn't like this type of poem.
What time is it? asks Ying.
Arthur looks at his Pebble watch, which is still set for Dubai.
It doesn't look right, says Arthur.
Nor do you, says Ying. How's your head bump?
Arthur stands up. Feels his head bump.
The sun rises.
He sits down again.
What's happened to Daniel O'Connell? asks Arthur.
Ying opens the box.
Are we there yet? asks Daniel O'Connell.
He is wearing Geoff Darwin's waistcoat, which has shrunk slightly.
No, we're not there yet, says Ying. We're still in Barcelona.
I knew that, says Daniel O'Connell. We're here to meet Terence's family. How do I look now?
Very nice, says Ying. Look, Arthur. Doesn't Daniel O'Connell look nice?
Arthur inspects Daniel O'Connell, in his orange and black check waistcoat, with green buttons.
And Geoff Darwin, in red pants and yellow shirt, no waistcoat.
And Cedric Walnut, in khaki pants, and a yellow waistcoat, no buttons.
As if the night in Bar Absenta never happened, except...
Daniel O'Connell's transparent legs have turned slightly green.
Okay, says Ying. Time to go and find the Sagrada Familia.
....
It's not far to the Carrer de Mallorca, and the Sagrada Familia Cathedral.
Crowds of tourists have gathered, as usual, in front of the Nativity Facade.
Wow! says Ying. It's so amazing! Look at all the carvings and statues. And the beautiful towers. And it's not even finished.
Arthur is looking upwards.
This is the spot at which Terence once tumbled down. And was replaced by a toy boy.
Arthur's memory of the event is quite hazy.
It was his toy boy. How had he got it?
A famous collector who collected shiny toys had taken Arthur home to see his collection.
( In Barcelona, such things are quite normal).
And given Arthur a present of one of the shiniest.
Arthur strains his eyes upwards.
What, Arthur? asks Ying.
A shiny black head with twin hair peaks, peers down from a great height at Arthur.
Two round eyes widen.
Astro Boy has been waiting two years for this to happen.
Zoom! he takes leave of the Virgin, and lands at the feet of Arthur Rimbaud.
The Virgin affects not to notice.
But Saint Joseph is livid.
Wednesday, October 26, 2016
They Gnash Their Teeth and Melt Away
Back on the plane. A seven hour flight from Dubai to Barcelona.
Edith is reading the thought for today.
Blessed are those who fear the lord
and delight in his commandments.
The wicked see it and are angry.
They gnash their teeth and melt away.
If only, thinks Edith.
Terence appears, in his sun hat.
Hello, says Terence. You lost your ribbon.
I know, says Edith. I don't suppose any of your party thought to pick it up.
How do I know? asks Terence. BUT, would you like a new one?
That's very kind, says Edith. Do you have one?
Yes, says Terence. It's really a cord. But Baby Pierre called it a ribbon. Have you got any scissors?
I hope not! says the man who has now finished reading The Girl on the Train, and is continuing to Barcelona, to Edith's annoyance.
Edith looks at him sideways.
No, of course not, dear, says Edith. And I wouldn't like to damage your sun hat. Anyway, a bible marker must be a flat one.
Cannot but be, says Terence.
What? says Edith.
It's a game, says Terence. Baby Pierre and me were playing it.
How do you play it? asks the man, putting his new book down.
You make it up, says Terence. Say you see a bee.
I see a bee, says the man.
No, I mean PRETEND that you see one, says Terence.
All right, says the man.
It cannot but be, says Terence.
It cannot but be a BEE, says Edith.
Terence doesn't like being corrected, except by smart people.
He turns and walks back up the aisle.
Kong Fu-Zi and Sweezus are deep in Neo-Confucian discussion (second generation).
It has a more socio-political aspect, says Kong. All the social and political theories of the world are connected in essence.
Heavy, says Sweezus. So how come they're different?
For the answer to that you must ask Master Mou, says Kong Fu-Zi. I'm just outlining the theory.
Did she want it? asks Baby Pierre.
No she didn't, says Terence. She said a bible marker must be a flat one.
Cannot but be, says Baby Pierre.
Terence and Baby Pierre begin helplessly laughing.
What's so funny? asks Gaius, looking up from his notes on salticidae, and the Macaroeris nidicolens in particular.
Everything, says Baby Pierre.
Can you be more specific? asks Gaius. You have interrupted me. I should at least like to know the reason.
Baby Pierre chooses the more conventional option.
Edith said a bible marker must be a flat one.
Ha ha, laughs Gaius. As if it matters! A feather would do!
Edith is reading the thought for today.
Blessed are those who fear the lord
and delight in his commandments.
The wicked see it and are angry.
They gnash their teeth and melt away.
If only, thinks Edith.
Terence appears, in his sun hat.
Hello, says Terence. You lost your ribbon.
I know, says Edith. I don't suppose any of your party thought to pick it up.
How do I know? asks Terence. BUT, would you like a new one?
That's very kind, says Edith. Do you have one?
Yes, says Terence. It's really a cord. But Baby Pierre called it a ribbon. Have you got any scissors?
I hope not! says the man who has now finished reading The Girl on the Train, and is continuing to Barcelona, to Edith's annoyance.
Edith looks at him sideways.
No, of course not, dear, says Edith. And I wouldn't like to damage your sun hat. Anyway, a bible marker must be a flat one.
Cannot but be, says Terence.
What? says Edith.
It's a game, says Terence. Baby Pierre and me were playing it.
How do you play it? asks the man, putting his new book down.
You make it up, says Terence. Say you see a bee.
I see a bee, says the man.
No, I mean PRETEND that you see one, says Terence.
All right, says the man.
It cannot but be, says Terence.
It cannot but be a BEE, says Edith.
Terence doesn't like being corrected, except by smart people.
He turns and walks back up the aisle.
Kong Fu-Zi and Sweezus are deep in Neo-Confucian discussion (second generation).
It has a more socio-political aspect, says Kong. All the social and political theories of the world are connected in essence.
Heavy, says Sweezus. So how come they're different?
For the answer to that you must ask Master Mou, says Kong Fu-Zi. I'm just outlining the theory.
Did she want it? asks Baby Pierre.
No she didn't, says Terence. She said a bible marker must be a flat one.
Cannot but be, says Baby Pierre.
Terence and Baby Pierre begin helplessly laughing.
What's so funny? asks Gaius, looking up from his notes on salticidae, and the Macaroeris nidicolens in particular.
Everything, says Baby Pierre.
Can you be more specific? asks Gaius. You have interrupted me. I should at least like to know the reason.
Baby Pierre chooses the more conventional option.
Edith said a bible marker must be a flat one.
Ha ha, laughs Gaius. As if it matters! A feather would do!
Tuesday, October 25, 2016
Wrestling With The Internal
Zen Gardens. Dubai Airport.
Sweezus rocks up, with Terence and Baby Pierre.
I see you've bought your first postcard says Gaius. Well done.
Sweezus shows Gaius the postcard of the Burj al Arab, world's fourth tallest building.
Cool, yeah?
Gaius is unimpressed.
Conspicuous consumption, he snorts.
I didn't pay for it, says Sweezus.
Edith, sitting nearby, still reading her bible, looks up and waves at Sweezus.
I was referring to the concept, says Gaius.
Kong Fu-Zi is brought out of his Neo-Confucian reverie by the word concept.
What concept is this? asks Kong Fu-Zi.
He is shown the postcard.
It looks like the sail of a ship, says Kong Fu-Zi. And that looks like a saucer. What is that for?
A helipad, says Sweezus. I guess it's a concept.
Hum, says Kong. I wonder if Master Xiong would think so.
Who is Master Xiong? asks Gaius.
First generation Neo-Confucianist, says Kong. The idea is, one should perceive objects of the world internally since what is internal is also ultimately external. I wrestle with this.
Philosophical claptrap, snorts Gaius.
Sweezus has his phone out, and is on Wiki.
Get this, says Sweezus. The Burj al Arab is thirty nine percent unoccupiable space.
You see! says Gaius. Waste and profligacy. What do you think, young Terence?
I used to live in a palace, says Terence. What do you think?
Does anyone want to know what I think? asks Baby Pierre.
I do, says Terence.
The opinion of a pebble cannot but be enlightening, says Kong.
Cannot but be, says Terence. What does that mean?
Must be, says Gaius.
Baby Pierre tries to think of something that cannot but be enlightening.
He is about to say something about his cousin Lavender, who is WAY more than thirty nine percent unoccupiable, but just then Edith stands up.
She has looked at her watch. Half an hour until boarding.
As she passes the fish pond, she catches Sweezus's eye. Taps her watch.
That woman. Still freakin' creepy.
And look, she's dropped one of her biblical ribbons, no doubt on purpose.
Sweezus rocks up, with Terence and Baby Pierre.
I see you've bought your first postcard says Gaius. Well done.
Sweezus shows Gaius the postcard of the Burj al Arab, world's fourth tallest building.
Cool, yeah?
Gaius is unimpressed.
Conspicuous consumption, he snorts.
I didn't pay for it, says Sweezus.
Edith, sitting nearby, still reading her bible, looks up and waves at Sweezus.
I was referring to the concept, says Gaius.
Kong Fu-Zi is brought out of his Neo-Confucian reverie by the word concept.
What concept is this? asks Kong Fu-Zi.
He is shown the postcard.
It looks like the sail of a ship, says Kong Fu-Zi. And that looks like a saucer. What is that for?
A helipad, says Sweezus. I guess it's a concept.
Hum, says Kong. I wonder if Master Xiong would think so.
Who is Master Xiong? asks Gaius.
First generation Neo-Confucianist, says Kong. The idea is, one should perceive objects of the world internally since what is internal is also ultimately external. I wrestle with this.
Philosophical claptrap, snorts Gaius.
Sweezus has his phone out, and is on Wiki.
Get this, says Sweezus. The Burj al Arab is thirty nine percent unoccupiable space.
You see! says Gaius. Waste and profligacy. What do you think, young Terence?
I used to live in a palace, says Terence. What do you think?
Does anyone want to know what I think? asks Baby Pierre.
I do, says Terence.
The opinion of a pebble cannot but be enlightening, says Kong.
Cannot but be, says Terence. What does that mean?
Must be, says Gaius.
Baby Pierre tries to think of something that cannot but be enlightening.
He is about to say something about his cousin Lavender, who is WAY more than thirty nine percent unoccupiable, but just then Edith stands up.
She has looked at her watch. Half an hour until boarding.
As she passes the fish pond, she catches Sweezus's eye. Taps her watch.
That woman. Still freakin' creepy.
And look, she's dropped one of her biblical ribbons, no doubt on purpose.
Monday, October 24, 2016
The Uniqueness of Consciousness
Sweezus is thinking about buying a postcard when Baby Pierre's hat falls off and rolls under the table.
See? says Baby Pierre. It's no good.
Sweezus bends down to retrieve it, just as Edith walks by.
Seeing Baby Pierre on the table she stops to say hello to her small one-time saintly companion.
Sweezus, having found the bottle top, sits up, to find himself staring at Edith.
Oh! says Edith. Hello. I was just passing.
Yeah, says Sweezus. That's cool. I was just going to look for a postcard.
Me too, says Terence. See you later, escalator.
Ha ha, laughs Baby Pierre. (Terence is so funny).
I have a postcard, says Edith. I just bought it. Would you like to see it?
Uh.
No, he wouldn't. But Sweezus is (fairly) polite.
Yeah, all right, says Sweezus.
She shows him her postcard. It's an image of the Burj al Arab Hotel in Dubai.
I could show you where to buy one, says Edith. It was only one euro.
The Burj al Arab stands on an artificial island, and is the world's fourth tallest building.
Sweezus doesn't know this, but he likes the shape of the building. It looks like the sail of a ship, with a helipad at the top, to one side, like a floating white saucer.
Impressive? says Edith.
Yep, says Sweezus.
Actually, I don't need this, says Edith. Would you like it?
Okay, says Sweezus. I need another nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine, but this one will be awesome.
Edith gives Sweezus the postcard.
Goodbye, perhaps we'll meet again, says Edith.
She walks off.
Creepy.
.......
Gaius and Kong have walked past hundreds of shops and improved their circulation.
Now they are sitting beside the fish pond, in the Zen Gardens.
Kong has bought a new pen.
I generally prefer a pencil, says Gaius.
A pencil is good for a man who makes frequent mistakes, says Kong.
I shall ignore that, says Gaius.
Good place for it, says Kong.
What? says Gaius.
Zen Gardens, says Kong. Good for clearing the mind.
He gazes into the fishpond.
The Treatise on the Uniqueness of Consciousness floats into his head space.
Gaius starts humming, as he makes a to-do list.
A lady is sitting nearby, under a tree, studying her bible, from which ribbons fly.
Reality is equal to the Universal mind.
That's what first generation Neo-Confucianists think.
And also, what the fish think.
See? says Baby Pierre. It's no good.
Sweezus bends down to retrieve it, just as Edith walks by.
Seeing Baby Pierre on the table she stops to say hello to her small one-time saintly companion.
Sweezus, having found the bottle top, sits up, to find himself staring at Edith.
Oh! says Edith. Hello. I was just passing.
Yeah, says Sweezus. That's cool. I was just going to look for a postcard.
Me too, says Terence. See you later, escalator.
Ha ha, laughs Baby Pierre. (Terence is so funny).
I have a postcard, says Edith. I just bought it. Would you like to see it?
Uh.
No, he wouldn't. But Sweezus is (fairly) polite.
Yeah, all right, says Sweezus.
She shows him her postcard. It's an image of the Burj al Arab Hotel in Dubai.
I could show you where to buy one, says Edith. It was only one euro.
The Burj al Arab stands on an artificial island, and is the world's fourth tallest building.
Sweezus doesn't know this, but he likes the shape of the building. It looks like the sail of a ship, with a helipad at the top, to one side, like a floating white saucer.
Impressive? says Edith.
Yep, says Sweezus.
Actually, I don't need this, says Edith. Would you like it?
Okay, says Sweezus. I need another nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine, but this one will be awesome.
Edith gives Sweezus the postcard.
Goodbye, perhaps we'll meet again, says Edith.
She walks off.
Creepy.
.......
Gaius and Kong have walked past hundreds of shops and improved their circulation.
Now they are sitting beside the fish pond, in the Zen Gardens.
Kong has bought a new pen.
I generally prefer a pencil, says Gaius.
A pencil is good for a man who makes frequent mistakes, says Kong.
I shall ignore that, says Gaius.
Good place for it, says Kong.
What? says Gaius.
Zen Gardens, says Kong. Good for clearing the mind.
He gazes into the fishpond.
The Treatise on the Uniqueness of Consciousness floats into his head space.
Gaius starts humming, as he makes a to-do list.
A lady is sitting nearby, under a tree, studying her bible, from which ribbons fly.
Reality is equal to the Universal mind.
That's what first generation Neo-Confucianists think.
And also, what the fish think.
Sunday, October 23, 2016
For The Undisciplined
They are now all asleep on the plane
Gaius is dreaming of Robber Flies and Scarlet Darters.
Kong is dreaming of Black Jumping Spiders.
Sweezus is dreaming that he has met up with Arthur, in a bar, and that Ying has a girlfriend.
Baby Pierre is dreaming of Frog, in the Institute of Science, and someone has mistaken Frog for a canape.
Terence dreams of Saint Joseph, threatening him with a spade.
........
The plane lands in Dubai.
Don't forget your hat, says Baby Pierre.
Don't forget yours, replies Terence.
....
Now they have three hours in the Dubai airport, before the flight to Barcelona.
Three hours, says Kong. Should we go shopping?
Shopping, says Gaius, is for the undisciplined. Let us simply walk, and restore our circulations.
That is probably what I meant by shopping, says Kong.
Good, says Gaius. Perhaps we could look for a book shop.
Certainly, says Kong, A bookshop. And a newsagency. For a pen.
You might like to start your collection of postcards, says Gaius, to Sweezus.
Man! says Sweezus. Don't remind me.
Off they go, leaving Sweezus with Terence and Baby Pierre.
I need a red drink, says Terence.
Okay, says Sweezus.
They go to Giraffe, where Sweezus buys Terence a can of red cola, and orders fries for himself.
They sit down at the very same table where Daniel O'Connell ate the corn kernel, and threw up.
Sweezus waits for his fries.
Terence slurps his red cola.
Baby Pierre plays with his new hat.
He's not sure that he likes it.
The flight attendant had brought him a bottle top.
She had placed it on top of his head.
She had said: That is the only hat we have that will fit you. How will it do?
And he had said: Fine.
And the bottle top had a crown on, and writing that said CORONA EXTRA.
So it had been fine, until Terence started sniggering.
Also, it doesn't stay on well.
Sweezus's fries have arrived.
He eats them. Eating fries reminds him of Arthur. He could call him. What time is it in Barcelona?
Fuck knows. Arthur won't mind.
He calls Arthur.
Hell...o... mumbles Arthur
Arthur? That you?
Swee... yes! It's me Arthur.
Where are you? I'm in Dubai.
Huhrrr......okay...you....wait a...
Sweezus? It's Ying. We're in Bar Absenta. It's so cool here. We're drinking absinthe. It's green. And there are all kinds of weird rituals. And a green fairy.
Yeah, I know. Tell Arthur I'm ...forget it... How's Daniel O'Connell?
I don't know. I hope he's all right. He had an accident with a spilled drop of absinthe. He slipped in it, fell over and swallowed a mouthful. He turned bright green so he's having a quiet lie down in the Rooibos box. Want me to check on him?
Nope, don't bother. Can I talk to Arthur?
No. He's just passed out and bumped his head on the table. I'd better go now. See you tomorrow.
Okay.
Sweezus sighs. He wishes he was in Barcelona, passed out on a table.
Instead he has almost three hours to look for a postcard.
Gaius is dreaming of Robber Flies and Scarlet Darters.
Kong is dreaming of Black Jumping Spiders.
Sweezus is dreaming that he has met up with Arthur, in a bar, and that Ying has a girlfriend.
Baby Pierre is dreaming of Frog, in the Institute of Science, and someone has mistaken Frog for a canape.
Terence dreams of Saint Joseph, threatening him with a spade.
........
The plane lands in Dubai.
Don't forget your hat, says Baby Pierre.
Don't forget yours, replies Terence.
....
Now they have three hours in the Dubai airport, before the flight to Barcelona.
Three hours, says Kong. Should we go shopping?
Shopping, says Gaius, is for the undisciplined. Let us simply walk, and restore our circulations.
That is probably what I meant by shopping, says Kong.
Good, says Gaius. Perhaps we could look for a book shop.
Certainly, says Kong, A bookshop. And a newsagency. For a pen.
You might like to start your collection of postcards, says Gaius, to Sweezus.
Man! says Sweezus. Don't remind me.
Off they go, leaving Sweezus with Terence and Baby Pierre.
I need a red drink, says Terence.
Okay, says Sweezus.
They go to Giraffe, where Sweezus buys Terence a can of red cola, and orders fries for himself.
They sit down at the very same table where Daniel O'Connell ate the corn kernel, and threw up.
Sweezus waits for his fries.
Terence slurps his red cola.
Baby Pierre plays with his new hat.
He's not sure that he likes it.
The flight attendant had brought him a bottle top.
She had placed it on top of his head.
She had said: That is the only hat we have that will fit you. How will it do?
And he had said: Fine.
And the bottle top had a crown on, and writing that said CORONA EXTRA.
So it had been fine, until Terence started sniggering.
Also, it doesn't stay on well.
Sweezus's fries have arrived.
He eats them. Eating fries reminds him of Arthur. He could call him. What time is it in Barcelona?
Fuck knows. Arthur won't mind.
He calls Arthur.
Hell...o... mumbles Arthur
Arthur? That you?
Swee... yes! It's me Arthur.
Where are you? I'm in Dubai.
Huhrrr......okay...you....wait a...
Sweezus? It's Ying. We're in Bar Absenta. It's so cool here. We're drinking absinthe. It's green. And there are all kinds of weird rituals. And a green fairy.
Yeah, I know. Tell Arthur I'm ...forget it... How's Daniel O'Connell?
I don't know. I hope he's all right. He had an accident with a spilled drop of absinthe. He slipped in it, fell over and swallowed a mouthful. He turned bright green so he's having a quiet lie down in the Rooibos box. Want me to check on him?
Nope, don't bother. Can I talk to Arthur?
No. He's just passed out and bumped his head on the table. I'd better go now. See you tomorrow.
Okay.
Sweezus sighs. He wishes he was in Barcelona, passed out on a table.
Instead he has almost three hours to look for a postcard.
Saturday, October 22, 2016
Beyond Good And Evil
Hello, says Terence.
Hello, says Baby Pierre.
What are you doing here? asks Terence.
Travelling with Edith, says Baby Pierre. She's going on a pilgrimage.
Me too, says Terence.
No you aren't, says Baby Pierre. You're only going to Barcelona.
On the way to the Canaries, says Terence. YOU know that.
Baby Pierre decides to keep on being nasty.
Nice hat, says Baby Pierre. I bet I know why you got it.
Why? says Terence, who already knows why he got it.
So Saint Joseph won't see you, says Baby Pierre. You must be scared.
That's not why, says Terence. And you're mean. I'm going back now.
Can I come? asks Baby Pierre.
Oh! says Edith. Don't go.
She's asking me questions, says Baby Pierre.
What kind of questions? asks Terence.
Why is there so much evil in the world? says Baby Pierre.
I didn't ask that, says Edith.
No she didn't, says the man reading The Girl On The Train.
I KNOW the answer! says Terence. Ask ME.
You don't know, says Baby Pierre. And that's a GIRL'S hat.
What's the answer? asks the man reading The Girl on the Train.
It isn't a girl's hat, says Terence. Why is it?
Because it's got a ribbon, says Baby Pierre. So it won't blow off. That's GIRLY.
It's a CORD, says Terence. And you're a bumhole.
Edith can't tolerate bad language. Even from a cherubic cement Baby Jesus, in a sunhat.
I think you'd better go back to your companions, she says stiffly. And tell them to wash your mouth out with soap.
I'll come with you, says Baby Pierre. To make sure that you tell them to do it.
Don't tell them, says Terence. But come anyway. It's nice in business class. They give you anything you ask for.
Humph, says Edith.
I'm asking for a sunhat, says Baby Pierre. A proper boy's one.
Terence reaches up to choke Baby Pierre.
Edith notices that one of Terence's fingers has been broken, and replaced by a claw.
But she doesn't try to save Baby Pierre.
Is she having a crisis of faith in the spirit of Saint Peter, who has just revealed his bad side?
No, the dinner trolley is coming.
Mmm. Lamb Roulade, and Sticky Toffee Pudding.
Terence walks off gripping Baby Pierre between a claw and two fingers.
Achah! chokes Baby Pierre.
Terence stomps up the aisle all the way back to Business class.
Look! says Terence. I found Baby Pierre.
Excellent, says Gaius, looking up from his notes.
Is that all you can say? asks Kong. It's remarkable!
Scheisse! says Sweezus. Where was he?
In economy, says Terence. Sitting on a book of ribbons. Answering questions.
What happens when we die? says Baby Pierre. That was one of the questions. And it made me sad, because I remembered.
No way! says Sweezus.
I remembered Frog dying, says Baby Pierre. When Ageless squished him.
Why is there so much evil in the world? mocks Terence,
Ageless couldn't help it, says Gaius. It's his nature.
No, but that was the next question, says Terence. And Baby Pierre doesn't know the answer.
No one does, says Gaius.
And yet everyone does, says Kong.
Heavy, says Sweezus.
Ask ME, says Terence. It's .....
May I get you anything, gentlemen? asks a flight attendant.
No thank you, says Gaius. But perhaps...
A hat, says Baby Pierre.
Hello, says Baby Pierre.
What are you doing here? asks Terence.
Travelling with Edith, says Baby Pierre. She's going on a pilgrimage.
Me too, says Terence.
No you aren't, says Baby Pierre. You're only going to Barcelona.
On the way to the Canaries, says Terence. YOU know that.
Baby Pierre decides to keep on being nasty.
Nice hat, says Baby Pierre. I bet I know why you got it.
Why? says Terence, who already knows why he got it.
So Saint Joseph won't see you, says Baby Pierre. You must be scared.
That's not why, says Terence. And you're mean. I'm going back now.
Can I come? asks Baby Pierre.
Oh! says Edith. Don't go.
She's asking me questions, says Baby Pierre.
What kind of questions? asks Terence.
Why is there so much evil in the world? says Baby Pierre.
I didn't ask that, says Edith.
No she didn't, says the man reading The Girl On The Train.
I KNOW the answer! says Terence. Ask ME.
You don't know, says Baby Pierre. And that's a GIRL'S hat.
What's the answer? asks the man reading The Girl on the Train.
It isn't a girl's hat, says Terence. Why is it?
Because it's got a ribbon, says Baby Pierre. So it won't blow off. That's GIRLY.
It's a CORD, says Terence. And you're a bumhole.
Edith can't tolerate bad language. Even from a cherubic cement Baby Jesus, in a sunhat.
I think you'd better go back to your companions, she says stiffly. And tell them to wash your mouth out with soap.
I'll come with you, says Baby Pierre. To make sure that you tell them to do it.
Don't tell them, says Terence. But come anyway. It's nice in business class. They give you anything you ask for.
Humph, says Edith.
I'm asking for a sunhat, says Baby Pierre. A proper boy's one.
Terence reaches up to choke Baby Pierre.
Edith notices that one of Terence's fingers has been broken, and replaced by a claw.
But she doesn't try to save Baby Pierre.
Is she having a crisis of faith in the spirit of Saint Peter, who has just revealed his bad side?
No, the dinner trolley is coming.
Mmm. Lamb Roulade, and Sticky Toffee Pudding.
Terence walks off gripping Baby Pierre between a claw and two fingers.
Achah! chokes Baby Pierre.
Terence stomps up the aisle all the way back to Business class.
Look! says Terence. I found Baby Pierre.
Excellent, says Gaius, looking up from his notes.
Is that all you can say? asks Kong. It's remarkable!
Scheisse! says Sweezus. Where was he?
In economy, says Terence. Sitting on a book of ribbons. Answering questions.
What happens when we die? says Baby Pierre. That was one of the questions. And it made me sad, because I remembered.
No way! says Sweezus.
I remembered Frog dying, says Baby Pierre. When Ageless squished him.
Why is there so much evil in the world? mocks Terence,
Ageless couldn't help it, says Gaius. It's his nature.
No, but that was the next question, says Terence. And Baby Pierre doesn't know the answer.
No one does, says Gaius.
And yet everyone does, says Kong.
Heavy, says Sweezus.
Ask ME, says Terence. It's .....
May I get you anything, gentlemen? asks a flight attendant.
No thank you, says Gaius. But perhaps...
A hat, says Baby Pierre.
Friday, October 21, 2016
Opium Of The People
Edith and Baby Pierre have settled into her economy class seat, before take-off.
Baby Pierre is not happy with the arrangements.
She has placed him in her lap, which has a deep valley, where her legs join.
He wriggles.
Edith realises at once that this is improper.
Are you comfy like that? asks Edith. Would you like to sit up on my bible?
Baby Pierre would prefer anything to his current position.
Yes thank you, says Baby Pierre.
He perches on the black bible, bedecked with ribbons.
Edith has an aisle seat. Next to her is a man who is reading.
She wonders if he is a Christian.
But he seems to be engrossed in his book, The Girl on the Train.
She looks down at Baby Pierre.
Now you must tell me, says Edith, all about our Father.
Baby Pierre was not expecting this question, which isn't a question.
He had been expecting something more like:
Why is there so much evil in the world?
To which he could give a simple answer.
But OUR father. She can't mean Ageless. Perhaps she means Marx? Terence's grandpa. Stupid Terence. With his stupid sun hat. As if he would get sunburn......
You must know him personally, says Edith.
Baby Pierre decides that he could say he does.
Well, says Baby Pierre. He can be mean and scary. He doesn't think like us. And he has a beard, and long grey hair, and he rides a bicycle and he believes religion is the opium of the people.
Ha ha, laughs the man sitting next to Edith.
She shoots a dark look at him.
Sorry, says the man. My book's funny.
(But we all know it isn't).
Edith decides to ask a question to which the little spirit of Saint Peter must know the answer.
Tell me, what happens to us when we die?
If Baby Pierre knows one thing, he knows he won't die. He doesn't even know anyone who has died, except a few parrots. And they were Terence's. And you don't count a balloon.
But then Baby Pierre remembers the dreadful day when his best friend Frog died.
His face betrays him.
Is it so dreadful? asks Edith.
The man next to her nods grimly, and keeps reading The Girl On The Train.
You slowly dry up, says Baby Pierre. You get wrinklier and wrinklier. But your personality remains the same. If you're brave like my friend Frog was, you stay brave even if someone insults you, but in the end you get squished by someone like Ageless who doesn't even think that it matters.
Who is Ageless? asks Edith.
My daddy, says Baby Pierre. And I should explain because you won't know, that Frog was a tomato.
The man in the next seat stops reading The Girl on the Train.
And did Frog go to Heaven? asks the man.
Edith freezes. He was listening!
No, says Baby Pierre. He dried up. The wind blew him away.
He sits on Edith's bible thinking of Frog, who he has not thought of in ages.
Edith is thinking of Frog as well. She can't see him as a tomato.
The man is regretting his intervention. The rest of the flight might be awkward
A pivotal moment.
Broken by Terence who has wandered down from business class for no reason other than that everyone might see his new sun hat.
He spots Baby Pierre on Edith's bible, looking mournful.
He stops. No doubt, to say something.
Baby Pierre is not happy with the arrangements.
She has placed him in her lap, which has a deep valley, where her legs join.
He wriggles.
Edith realises at once that this is improper.
Are you comfy like that? asks Edith. Would you like to sit up on my bible?
Baby Pierre would prefer anything to his current position.
Yes thank you, says Baby Pierre.
He perches on the black bible, bedecked with ribbons.
Edith has an aisle seat. Next to her is a man who is reading.
She wonders if he is a Christian.
But he seems to be engrossed in his book, The Girl on the Train.
She looks down at Baby Pierre.
Now you must tell me, says Edith, all about our Father.
Baby Pierre was not expecting this question, which isn't a question.
He had been expecting something more like:
Why is there so much evil in the world?
To which he could give a simple answer.
But OUR father. She can't mean Ageless. Perhaps she means Marx? Terence's grandpa. Stupid Terence. With his stupid sun hat. As if he would get sunburn......
You must know him personally, says Edith.
Baby Pierre decides that he could say he does.
Well, says Baby Pierre. He can be mean and scary. He doesn't think like us. And he has a beard, and long grey hair, and he rides a bicycle and he believes religion is the opium of the people.
Ha ha, laughs the man sitting next to Edith.
She shoots a dark look at him.
Sorry, says the man. My book's funny.
(But we all know it isn't).
Edith decides to ask a question to which the little spirit of Saint Peter must know the answer.
Tell me, what happens to us when we die?
If Baby Pierre knows one thing, he knows he won't die. He doesn't even know anyone who has died, except a few parrots. And they were Terence's. And you don't count a balloon.
But then Baby Pierre remembers the dreadful day when his best friend Frog died.
His face betrays him.
Is it so dreadful? asks Edith.
The man next to her nods grimly, and keeps reading The Girl On The Train.
You slowly dry up, says Baby Pierre. You get wrinklier and wrinklier. But your personality remains the same. If you're brave like my friend Frog was, you stay brave even if someone insults you, but in the end you get squished by someone like Ageless who doesn't even think that it matters.
Who is Ageless? asks Edith.
My daddy, says Baby Pierre. And I should explain because you won't know, that Frog was a tomato.
The man in the next seat stops reading The Girl on the Train.
And did Frog go to Heaven? asks the man.
Edith freezes. He was listening!
No, says Baby Pierre. He dried up. The wind blew him away.
He sits on Edith's bible thinking of Frog, who he has not thought of in ages.
Edith is thinking of Frog as well. She can't see him as a tomato.
The man is regretting his intervention. The rest of the flight might be awkward
A pivotal moment.
Broken by Terence who has wandered down from business class for no reason other than that everyone might see his new sun hat.
He spots Baby Pierre on Edith's bible, looking mournful.
He stops. No doubt, to say something.
Thursday, October 20, 2016
Suddenly Blessed
Yes I have a map, says Edith, bible dropper.
Can I see it? asks Baby Pierre.
It is on a yellowed and much-folded piece of paper, tucked into the bible.
Routes to Santiago de Compostela.
Useless, says Baby Pierre.
Edith is crushed.
That's all right, says Baby Pierre. I just need a companion. Are you religious?
Oh yes, says Edith, her face lighting up with the answer. Are you.....the spirit of Saint Peter?
Pooh, no, says Baby Pierre. I just asked because you've got a bible. Why has it got ribbons in it?
Those are my readings for today, says Edith. Do you know Jesus?
Jesus, no, course not! I'm a..... yes, wait .....I do! He calls himself Sweezus and that's because I made the name up.
Edith's hand flies up to her face. What is this blasphemy?
He's going to Barcelona as well, continues Baby Pierre, and he forgot me. Well, it was Daniel O'Connell who REALLY forgot me. Do you know Daniel O'Connell?
No, says Edith.
That's all right. No one does, says Baby Pierre.
Silence.
Edith wonders if it would be all right to drop Baby Pierre in the waste bin.
He is obviously not Saint Peter.
There they are! says Baby Pierre.
Sweezus, Gaius, Kong and Terence trail by, on their way to business class boarding.
Sweezus, in his newly washed boardshorts, Kong in his Hawaiian shirt and drop crotch trousers, Gaius in chinos and Crocs. Terence in a sunhat.
You know them? asks Edith.
NO! says Baby Pierre. Especially not THAT one!
He is pointing at Terence, who has unfairly been given a sunhat.
Edith thinks that she recognises Terence, under the sunhat.
As a Christian, she should do.
A cherubic cement baby Jesus, travelling with three grown men.
Edith is not fooled by the sunhat.
Something is going on here, and yes! Baby Pierre has denied it
He MUST be Saint Peter.
What a wonderful start to the Pilgrimage.
Edith feels suddenly blessed.
She smiles down at Baby Pierre.
Will you travel with me? says Edith. At least as far as Barcelona. I am flying economy, but I know you won't care about that.
I don't care about that, says Baby Pierre. As long as I get there.
I have so many questions to ask you, says Edith.
Baby Pierre feels confident that whatever they are, as an atheist and free thinker, he'll have the answers.
Can I see it? asks Baby Pierre.
It is on a yellowed and much-folded piece of paper, tucked into the bible.
Routes to Santiago de Compostela.
Useless, says Baby Pierre.
Edith is crushed.
That's all right, says Baby Pierre. I just need a companion. Are you religious?
Oh yes, says Edith, her face lighting up with the answer. Are you.....the spirit of Saint Peter?
Pooh, no, says Baby Pierre. I just asked because you've got a bible. Why has it got ribbons in it?
Those are my readings for today, says Edith. Do you know Jesus?
Jesus, no, course not! I'm a..... yes, wait .....I do! He calls himself Sweezus and that's because I made the name up.
Edith's hand flies up to her face. What is this blasphemy?
He's going to Barcelona as well, continues Baby Pierre, and he forgot me. Well, it was Daniel O'Connell who REALLY forgot me. Do you know Daniel O'Connell?
No, says Edith.
That's all right. No one does, says Baby Pierre.
Silence.
Edith wonders if it would be all right to drop Baby Pierre in the waste bin.
He is obviously not Saint Peter.
There they are! says Baby Pierre.
Sweezus, Gaius, Kong and Terence trail by, on their way to business class boarding.
Sweezus, in his newly washed boardshorts, Kong in his Hawaiian shirt and drop crotch trousers, Gaius in chinos and Crocs. Terence in a sunhat.
You know them? asks Edith.
NO! says Baby Pierre. Especially not THAT one!
He is pointing at Terence, who has unfairly been given a sunhat.
Edith thinks that she recognises Terence, under the sunhat.
As a Christian, she should do.
A cherubic cement baby Jesus, travelling with three grown men.
Edith is not fooled by the sunhat.
Something is going on here, and yes! Baby Pierre has denied it
He MUST be Saint Peter.
What a wonderful start to the Pilgrimage.
Edith feels suddenly blessed.
She smiles down at Baby Pierre.
Will you travel with me? says Edith. At least as far as Barcelona. I am flying economy, but I know you won't care about that.
I don't care about that, says Baby Pierre. As long as I get there.
I have so many questions to ask you, says Edith.
Baby Pierre feels confident that whatever they are, as an atheist and free thinker, he'll have the answers.
Wednesday, October 19, 2016
In My Empty Window
Later.
Arthur and Ying are on the Emirates flight to Barcelona, a thirteen hour flight.
Ying is contemplatively eating Pesto Tortellini.
Arthur is already half way through his Lemon Tarte.
How's your new Pebble watch? asks Ying.
Good, says Arthur. I probably didn't need a Fit Bit.
Two Fit Bits, says Ying.
One's a present, says Arthur.
He eats the last spoonful of Tarte.
Who for? asks Ying. Not me, obviously.
Sweezus, says Arthur. There's a cycling app. And a golf range-finder.
Does he play golf? asks Ying.
No, says Arthur
Does it tell you how many steps you've taken? asks Ying. Like the Fit Bit?
Arthur doesn't know. He hasn't tries all the apps yet.
Probably, says Arthur.
I have a poetry app, says Ying. Chinese poetry. Middle Tang period. When I'm alone, I read the daily poem.
What's today's? asks Arthur.
On Returning To Zhongnan Mountain, says Ying. I lie awake and ponder on the pine-shadowed moonlight in my empty window....
On? queries Arthur. On the moonlight?
Bad translation, says Ying. But I can't read Chinese.
Can't you? says Arthur. How come?
At last he has asked her a personal question!
Ying now has to come up with an answer that sounds more intriguing than: I'm lazy.
Long ago, says Ying, when I was a kid in school in Tassie, I went to Chinese lessons. I was good too.
But as I got older I became naughty.
Naughty, says Arthur. What did you do?
Skipped lessons, says Ying.
I used to skip lessons, says Arthur. I ran away once.
So did I, says Ying.
But that is untrue.
........
On the other side of the planet, in a different time zone, a small pebble bearing the Mark of the Claw sits on a seat in the international boarding lounge at Adelaide Airport.
It's Baby Pierre. How did he get there?
Easy. Two buses. He has done it before.
And he never pays for a ticket.
But now he has got this far he is realising that:
He has come out without any luggage.
Oh well! Why does he need luggage? It just ties you down.
He lists the things he would have brought with him if he had not left so precipitately.
1. A companion.
2. A map of the world, which includes the Canaries.
3. A hat.
He is sitting on the seat, making his list, when something is dropped on him.
A black book, be-dangled with ribbons!
Being an atheist, and free thinker, he recognises it straight away.
A Bible!
Hey! cries Baby Pierre. Get this thing off me!
The Bible dropper stares at her Bible, as though it has spoken.
She lifts it with reverence.
Phew! says Baby Pierre.
The Bible dropper is petrified.
A talking rock. Could it be the spirit of Saint Peter?
Should she ask it?
Baby Pierre, says Baby Pierre chattily. I'm going to Barcelona.
S-so am I, says the Bible dropper. On a pilgrimage.
Got a map? asks Baby Pierre.
Arthur and Ying are on the Emirates flight to Barcelona, a thirteen hour flight.
Ying is contemplatively eating Pesto Tortellini.
Arthur is already half way through his Lemon Tarte.
How's your new Pebble watch? asks Ying.
Good, says Arthur. I probably didn't need a Fit Bit.
Two Fit Bits, says Ying.
One's a present, says Arthur.
He eats the last spoonful of Tarte.
Who for? asks Ying. Not me, obviously.
Sweezus, says Arthur. There's a cycling app. And a golf range-finder.
Does he play golf? asks Ying.
No, says Arthur
Does it tell you how many steps you've taken? asks Ying. Like the Fit Bit?
Arthur doesn't know. He hasn't tries all the apps yet.
Probably, says Arthur.
I have a poetry app, says Ying. Chinese poetry. Middle Tang period. When I'm alone, I read the daily poem.
What's today's? asks Arthur.
On Returning To Zhongnan Mountain, says Ying. I lie awake and ponder on the pine-shadowed moonlight in my empty window....
On? queries Arthur. On the moonlight?
Bad translation, says Ying. But I can't read Chinese.
Can't you? says Arthur. How come?
At last he has asked her a personal question!
Ying now has to come up with an answer that sounds more intriguing than: I'm lazy.
Long ago, says Ying, when I was a kid in school in Tassie, I went to Chinese lessons. I was good too.
But as I got older I became naughty.
Naughty, says Arthur. What did you do?
Skipped lessons, says Ying.
I used to skip lessons, says Arthur. I ran away once.
So did I, says Ying.
But that is untrue.
........
On the other side of the planet, in a different time zone, a small pebble bearing the Mark of the Claw sits on a seat in the international boarding lounge at Adelaide Airport.
It's Baby Pierre. How did he get there?
Easy. Two buses. He has done it before.
And he never pays for a ticket.
But now he has got this far he is realising that:
He has come out without any luggage.
Oh well! Why does he need luggage? It just ties you down.
He lists the things he would have brought with him if he had not left so precipitately.
1. A companion.
2. A map of the world, which includes the Canaries.
3. A hat.
He is sitting on the seat, making his list, when something is dropped on him.
A black book, be-dangled with ribbons!
Being an atheist, and free thinker, he recognises it straight away.
A Bible!
Hey! cries Baby Pierre. Get this thing off me!
The Bible dropper stares at her Bible, as though it has spoken.
She lifts it with reverence.
Phew! says Baby Pierre.
The Bible dropper is petrified.
A talking rock. Could it be the spirit of Saint Peter?
Should she ask it?
Baby Pierre, says Baby Pierre chattily. I'm going to Barcelona.
S-so am I, says the Bible dropper. On a pilgrimage.
Got a map? asks Baby Pierre.
Tuesday, October 18, 2016
The Noblest Path To Wisdom
An hour later, Arthur tries calling again.
Gaius answers.
Arthur! What time do you think it is? grumbles Gaius
I'm in the Zen Gardens, says Arthur.
I suppose you think that's funny, says Gaius. Here, talk to Kong, I'm in the middle of something.
Hello Arthur, says Kong. How goes the journey?
What was Gaius in the middle of? asks Arthur.
In the middle of? Oh, nothing. Where are you?
In the Zen Gardens, Dubai.
No doubt the gardens will aid you on your path to wisdom, says Kong. Is there a fishpond?
Yes, says Arthur. A fishpond. Is Gaius back yet?
Not yet, says Kong. I find a fish pond conducive to reflection, and reflection, of course, is the first and noblest path to wisdom....
What's the second? asks Arthur.
Imitation, says Kong.
Before or after? says Arthur.
Arthur makes a sound that sounds suspiciously like bubbles.
What do you mean? asks Kong.
Reflection, says Arthur. Staring into the fishpond. Imitating a fish.
Have you been drinking? asks Kong.
No, says Arthur. Just bored.
The intelligent never get bored, says Kong. Ah, here's Gaius.
That's better, says Gaius. Sorry, Arthur. Now where were we?
Just a question, says Arthur.
A spidery voice, speaking crossly, is heard.
Correction, an apology, says Arthur.
No need to be sorry, says Gaius. I'm doing quite well without you. Kong here is very reliable. He has already established the location of the University de la Laguna on Tenerife, and made....
Is Baby Pierre there? asks Arthur. The apology's for him. It's from Daniel O'Connell.
Is it? And how is our hero? asks Gaius, not answering the question.
Not a good traveller, says Arthur. He's escaped death twice. And disappeared under a seat. And been sick. And now he's apologising.
Hardly seems necessary, says Gaius.
To Baby Pierre, for forgetting him, says Arthur. Could you just pass that on.
Ahem. I would, says Gaius. But Baby Pierre has gone missing. He was unimpressed at being left behind. He got on his high horse and marched out of the front door saying he'd make his own way.
So he's coming, says Arthur. I'll tell Daniel O'Connell.
He tells Daniel O'Connell.
Tara diddly dee!
That was Daniel O'Connell responding.
Is everything all right, otherwise? asks Gaius. May I go back to sleep now?
Yes, says Arthur. See you in Barcelona on Friday.
Friday! says Gaius. Jumping Jupiter! Kong! What day is it?
Thursday, says Kong. It's lucky Arthur got us up early.
Just like the dear boy, says Gaius.
Gaius answers.
Arthur! What time do you think it is? grumbles Gaius
I'm in the Zen Gardens, says Arthur.
I suppose you think that's funny, says Gaius. Here, talk to Kong, I'm in the middle of something.
Hello Arthur, says Kong. How goes the journey?
What was Gaius in the middle of? asks Arthur.
In the middle of? Oh, nothing. Where are you?
In the Zen Gardens, Dubai.
No doubt the gardens will aid you on your path to wisdom, says Kong. Is there a fishpond?
Yes, says Arthur. A fishpond. Is Gaius back yet?
Not yet, says Kong. I find a fish pond conducive to reflection, and reflection, of course, is the first and noblest path to wisdom....
What's the second? asks Arthur.
Imitation, says Kong.
Before or after? says Arthur.
Arthur makes a sound that sounds suspiciously like bubbles.
What do you mean? asks Kong.
Reflection, says Arthur. Staring into the fishpond. Imitating a fish.
Have you been drinking? asks Kong.
No, says Arthur. Just bored.
The intelligent never get bored, says Kong. Ah, here's Gaius.
That's better, says Gaius. Sorry, Arthur. Now where were we?
Just a question, says Arthur.
A spidery voice, speaking crossly, is heard.
Correction, an apology, says Arthur.
No need to be sorry, says Gaius. I'm doing quite well without you. Kong here is very reliable. He has already established the location of the University de la Laguna on Tenerife, and made....
Is Baby Pierre there? asks Arthur. The apology's for him. It's from Daniel O'Connell.
Is it? And how is our hero? asks Gaius, not answering the question.
Not a good traveller, says Arthur. He's escaped death twice. And disappeared under a seat. And been sick. And now he's apologising.
Hardly seems necessary, says Gaius.
To Baby Pierre, for forgetting him, says Arthur. Could you just pass that on.
Ahem. I would, says Gaius. But Baby Pierre has gone missing. He was unimpressed at being left behind. He got on his high horse and marched out of the front door saying he'd make his own way.
So he's coming, says Arthur. I'll tell Daniel O'Connell.
He tells Daniel O'Connell.
Tara diddly dee!
That was Daniel O'Connell responding.
Is everything all right, otherwise? asks Gaius. May I go back to sleep now?
Yes, says Arthur. See you in Barcelona on Friday.
Friday! says Gaius. Jumping Jupiter! Kong! What day is it?
Thursday, says Kong. It's lucky Arthur got us up early.
Just like the dear boy, says Gaius.
Monday, October 17, 2016
Seven Hours In Zen Gardens
We missed our flight to Barcelona! says Ying.
Did we? says Arthur. How come?
I was sleeping, says Ying. You could have called me.
I didn't know. When's the next one? asks Arthur.
Seven hours off, says Ying. And we can get on it. We'll just have to pay extra.
Seven hours, says Arthur. What'll we do?
Let's sit in the Zen Gardens, says Ying.
.....
Zen Gardens, Dubai Airport, under a tree, by a fish pond:
Ying: I dreamed you were reciting a poem.
Arthur: How did it go?
Ying: Départ. Assez vu.....
Arthur: And that didn't wake you?
Ying: No. When did you write it?
Arthur: Ages ago. In London. I'd been there too long and I wanted to go.
Ying: It must be nice being a poet.
Arthur: No, it isn't. Last thing I wrote I was drowning and choking in poisonous air.
Daniel O'Connell: My poisonous air!
Arthur: His poisonous air.
Ying: How did it go?
Arthur: Can't remember. Devouring black verses like a pale piece of flotsam, or something.
Daniel O'Connell: Pale flotsam! O I feel homesick!
Cedric Walnut: So do I.
Ying: Do you have a family?
Cedric Walnut: We both do.
Ying: Tell me about them.
Cedric Walnut: My wife's name is Yardley. She laughs all the time. And we have three squirrel children, Ralph, Saffron and baby Ambrose.
Ying: How sweet! What about you Geoff?
Geoff Darwin: My wife Shirley is an artist. She draws the flowers and plants I collect. We have a daughter called Katie. A gymnast.
Ying: And where are they?
Geoff Darwin: Still in Toyworld, as far as we know. On the counter.
Ying: This is heart-breaking.
Geoff Darwin: I know.
Everyone is quiet, thinking about the sadness of separation.
A goldfish rises to the surface of the fish pond.
P-wop!
Arthur gets out his new phone.
Are you calling Baby Pierre? asks Daniel O'Connell.
New phone? asks Ying. Did you just buy that?
Yes, says Arthur. And these two Fit Bits. And this Pebble watch.
With the money I gave you? says Ying.
Not all of it, says Arthur.
Ying is surprised at the bargains that Arthur has found in the retail shopping area of Dubai Airport.
But the Zen Gardens are too peaceful and zen, to question such things.
She traces lines with her fingers in the fish pond.
Ripples ripple in rippling circles and the fish vanishes.
Arthur can't call Baby Pierre, because Baby Pierre is too little to have his own smartphone.
So he calls Gaius.
Gaius doesn't answer.
He calls Sweezus.
Neither does he.
He searches for the number of Adelaide City Toyworld, and calls it.
The phone rings in Toyworld.
Ring ring!
Yardley and Shirley hear it ringing, in the darkness.
It wakes baby Ambrose, who cries.
Waaa!
Did we? says Arthur. How come?
I was sleeping, says Ying. You could have called me.
I didn't know. When's the next one? asks Arthur.
Seven hours off, says Ying. And we can get on it. We'll just have to pay extra.
Seven hours, says Arthur. What'll we do?
Let's sit in the Zen Gardens, says Ying.
.....
Zen Gardens, Dubai Airport, under a tree, by a fish pond:
Ying: I dreamed you were reciting a poem.
Arthur: How did it go?
Ying: Départ. Assez vu.....
Arthur: And that didn't wake you?
Ying: No. When did you write it?
Arthur: Ages ago. In London. I'd been there too long and I wanted to go.
Ying: It must be nice being a poet.
Arthur: No, it isn't. Last thing I wrote I was drowning and choking in poisonous air.
Daniel O'Connell: My poisonous air!
Arthur: His poisonous air.
Ying: How did it go?
Arthur: Can't remember. Devouring black verses like a pale piece of flotsam, or something.
Daniel O'Connell: Pale flotsam! O I feel homesick!
Cedric Walnut: So do I.
Ying: Do you have a family?
Cedric Walnut: We both do.
Ying: Tell me about them.
Cedric Walnut: My wife's name is Yardley. She laughs all the time. And we have three squirrel children, Ralph, Saffron and baby Ambrose.
Ying: How sweet! What about you Geoff?
Geoff Darwin: My wife Shirley is an artist. She draws the flowers and plants I collect. We have a daughter called Katie. A gymnast.
Ying: And where are they?
Geoff Darwin: Still in Toyworld, as far as we know. On the counter.
Ying: This is heart-breaking.
Geoff Darwin: I know.
Everyone is quiet, thinking about the sadness of separation.
A goldfish rises to the surface of the fish pond.
P-wop!
Arthur gets out his new phone.
Are you calling Baby Pierre? asks Daniel O'Connell.
New phone? asks Ying. Did you just buy that?
Yes, says Arthur. And these two Fit Bits. And this Pebble watch.
With the money I gave you? says Ying.
Not all of it, says Arthur.
Ying is surprised at the bargains that Arthur has found in the retail shopping area of Dubai Airport.
But the Zen Gardens are too peaceful and zen, to question such things.
She traces lines with her fingers in the fish pond.
Ripples ripple in rippling circles and the fish vanishes.
Arthur can't call Baby Pierre, because Baby Pierre is too little to have his own smartphone.
So he calls Gaius.
Gaius doesn't answer.
He calls Sweezus.
Neither does he.
He searches for the number of Adelaide City Toyworld, and calls it.
The phone rings in Toyworld.
Ring ring!
Yardley and Shirley hear it ringing, in the darkness.
It wakes baby Ambrose, who cries.
Waaa!
Sunday, October 16, 2016
You Can't Die
It's morning, or could be.
Let's say, it must be morning somewhere.
Arthur wakes up, feeling seedy. Ying hasn't slept.
Daniel O'Connell has slept like a spider, wrapped in a sticky white hanky.
In the red box, Geoff Darwin and Cedric Walnut have enjoyed the extra space.
The plane lands in Dubai.
......
You know what? says Ying. I'm going to snooze in a Snoozecube. We've got three hours here.
What'll I do? asks Arthur.
Perhaps she will give him some money.
She doesn't.
She turns, to look about for a Snoozecube.
Arthur says: Hey.
What, Arthur?
Money?
Oh, yes? Have a few euros.
She hands him a wad of fresh euros.
Don't spend it all at once.
Arthur replies that he won't spend it, unless he has to.
He sets off to explore Dubai airport, with the red box in his shorts pocket.
So many shops. So many consumerist items. Watches. Sunglasses. Donuts. Giraffe!
Giraffe is a café.
Arthur isn't hungry. But Daniel O'Connell has spotted Giraffe through the red box's thumb hole.
I'm mightily famished, says Daniel O'Connell.
Arthur hears him. They enter Giraffe, where Daniel O'Connell orders the Nachos Nirvana.
Arthur pays for the Nachos Nirvana and leaves Daniel to eat it.
Arthur has decided he needs a new phone.
........
Ying is asleep in her Snoozecube.
It is soundproof.
She dreams she is lying beside Arthur, and Arthur is reciting...in French, something ....
DEPART.....assez vu ......la vision s'est rencontrée à tous les airs......assez eu....rumeurs des villes, le soir, et au soleil....et toujours....assez connu....
She rolls over, in the compact Snoozecube bed.
......
Daniel O'Connell feels sick. He has only eaten one corn kernel. The rest of the plate looks like vomit.
Where is Arthur, when we need him? says Cedric Walnut.
He's turning out to be unreliable, says Geoff Darwin.
They help Daniel O'Connell back into the box, through the thumb hole.
........
Arthur has bought a new phone and returned to Giraffe.
He plays with the touchscreen.
He sits down at the table with the red box.
Geoff Darwin looks out.
Daniel O'Connell is not a good traveller, says Geoff Darwin.
Arthur looks into the box.
Daniel O'Connell, smeared with Nachos Nirvana, lies prostrate on the bottom.
At last, croaks Daniel O'Connell. I fear I am dying.
You can't die, says Arthur.
Powerful words, and no one should say them unless they mean it.
Daniel O'Connell does not die. He sits up and spits out a lump of corn kernel.
Got a new phone? asks Daniel O'Connell. What is it? Not one of those exploding Samsungs?
Ha ha, laughs Cedric Walnut.
No, says Arthur. A Huawei.
Well done, says Daniel O'Connell. And would you now be making a phone call?
Who to? asks Arthur.
Baby Pierre, says Daniel O'Connell. Tell him I apologise. Tell him....
But Arthur has no time to do it.
Ying appears, with her hair in a flurry.
Let's say, it must be morning somewhere.
Arthur wakes up, feeling seedy. Ying hasn't slept.
Daniel O'Connell has slept like a spider, wrapped in a sticky white hanky.
In the red box, Geoff Darwin and Cedric Walnut have enjoyed the extra space.
The plane lands in Dubai.
......
You know what? says Ying. I'm going to snooze in a Snoozecube. We've got three hours here.
What'll I do? asks Arthur.
Perhaps she will give him some money.
She doesn't.
She turns, to look about for a Snoozecube.
Arthur says: Hey.
What, Arthur?
Money?
Oh, yes? Have a few euros.
She hands him a wad of fresh euros.
Don't spend it all at once.
Arthur replies that he won't spend it, unless he has to.
He sets off to explore Dubai airport, with the red box in his shorts pocket.
So many shops. So many consumerist items. Watches. Sunglasses. Donuts. Giraffe!
Giraffe is a café.
Arthur isn't hungry. But Daniel O'Connell has spotted Giraffe through the red box's thumb hole.
I'm mightily famished, says Daniel O'Connell.
Arthur hears him. They enter Giraffe, where Daniel O'Connell orders the Nachos Nirvana.
Arthur pays for the Nachos Nirvana and leaves Daniel to eat it.
Arthur has decided he needs a new phone.
........
Ying is asleep in her Snoozecube.
It is soundproof.
She dreams she is lying beside Arthur, and Arthur is reciting...in French, something ....
DEPART.....assez vu ......la vision s'est rencontrée à tous les airs......assez eu....rumeurs des villes, le soir, et au soleil....et toujours....assez connu....
She rolls over, in the compact Snoozecube bed.
......
Daniel O'Connell feels sick. He has only eaten one corn kernel. The rest of the plate looks like vomit.
Where is Arthur, when we need him? says Cedric Walnut.
He's turning out to be unreliable, says Geoff Darwin.
They help Daniel O'Connell back into the box, through the thumb hole.
........
Arthur has bought a new phone and returned to Giraffe.
He plays with the touchscreen.
He sits down at the table with the red box.
Geoff Darwin looks out.
Daniel O'Connell is not a good traveller, says Geoff Darwin.
Arthur looks into the box.
Daniel O'Connell, smeared with Nachos Nirvana, lies prostrate on the bottom.
At last, croaks Daniel O'Connell. I fear I am dying.
You can't die, says Arthur.
Powerful words, and no one should say them unless they mean it.
Daniel O'Connell does not die. He sits up and spits out a lump of corn kernel.
Got a new phone? asks Daniel O'Connell. What is it? Not one of those exploding Samsungs?
Ha ha, laughs Cedric Walnut.
No, says Arthur. A Huawei.
Well done, says Daniel O'Connell. And would you now be making a phone call?
Who to? asks Arthur.
Baby Pierre, says Daniel O'Connell. Tell him I apologise. Tell him....
But Arthur has no time to do it.
Ying appears, with her hair in a flurry.
Saturday, October 15, 2016
Caramelised Reassurance
Arthur is thinking: I'll buy a postcard.
He is falling asleep.
Not BUY, exactly, but acquire one....
He is hearing white noise.
Ying has all the money.......
Ying looks at Arthur, who has fallen asleep.
A blob of Caramelised Plum on his mouth in the corner.
This annoys her.
Should she wipe it off?
She decides to attempt it.
She leans across Arthur and wipes off the Caramelised Plum, with the corner of her white cotton hankie.
He straightens, but does not wake up.
However, the red box containing Daniel O'Connell, Geoff Darwin and Cedric Walnut is pushed further under the seat, by Arthur's feet, as he extends them.
A little girl, not asleep yet, sees a red box emerge under her seat.
She unbuckles her seat belt and picks up the red cardboard box.
Toys!
And Eek! a Horrible Spider!
She picks up Geoff Darwin and pushes him hard against Daniel O'Connell, hoping to kill him.
Daniel O'Connell, who had been thinking of Baby Pierre, is startled into thinking about his own survival.
He squeezes out from behind Geoff Darwin.
Well done! says Geoff Darwin. But I wouldn't have killed you.
The little girl is getting into trouble from her mother.
Celia! says her mother. Where did that box come from?
Under there! wails Celia.
Her mother, realising what has happened, returns the red box.
Ying accepts it.
Thank you. My friend here must have kicked it under.
It has a spider in it, says mother.
I know, says Ying. It's a specimen. On its way to the Canaries, for science.
She has decided to say this rather than: He is going to the Canaries to teach Black Jumping Spiders non-frivolous dancing.
Which would sound somewhat improbable.
But now Daniel O'Connell is thinking about what he was thinking before.
BABY PIERRE.
He hits himself on the head in frustration.
How did he forget him?
Baby Pierre had been so helpful. And so anxious that there should be room for him in the red box.
And here was he, Daniel O'Connell, with Geoff Darwin and Cedric Walnut, who were only there for their outfits.
Outfits not even needed by Daniel O'Connell, (being too large, with not enough leg holes)
Seeing his look of consternation, Ying says, to Daniel O'Connell:
It's been a long day, would you like to sleep wrapped in my hankie?
He is grateful, and accepts her kind offer.
All night he smells second hand Caramelised Plum, which is reassuringly restful.......
He is falling asleep.
Not BUY, exactly, but acquire one....
He is hearing white noise.
Ying has all the money.......
Ying looks at Arthur, who has fallen asleep.
A blob of Caramelised Plum on his mouth in the corner.
This annoys her.
Should she wipe it off?
She decides to attempt it.
She leans across Arthur and wipes off the Caramelised Plum, with the corner of her white cotton hankie.
He straightens, but does not wake up.
However, the red box containing Daniel O'Connell, Geoff Darwin and Cedric Walnut is pushed further under the seat, by Arthur's feet, as he extends them.
A little girl, not asleep yet, sees a red box emerge under her seat.
She unbuckles her seat belt and picks up the red cardboard box.
Toys!
And Eek! a Horrible Spider!
She picks up Geoff Darwin and pushes him hard against Daniel O'Connell, hoping to kill him.
Daniel O'Connell, who had been thinking of Baby Pierre, is startled into thinking about his own survival.
He squeezes out from behind Geoff Darwin.
Well done! says Geoff Darwin. But I wouldn't have killed you.
The little girl is getting into trouble from her mother.
Celia! says her mother. Where did that box come from?
Under there! wails Celia.
Her mother, realising what has happened, returns the red box.
Ying accepts it.
Thank you. My friend here must have kicked it under.
It has a spider in it, says mother.
I know, says Ying. It's a specimen. On its way to the Canaries, for science.
She has decided to say this rather than: He is going to the Canaries to teach Black Jumping Spiders non-frivolous dancing.
Which would sound somewhat improbable.
But now Daniel O'Connell is thinking about what he was thinking before.
BABY PIERRE.
He hits himself on the head in frustration.
How did he forget him?
Baby Pierre had been so helpful. And so anxious that there should be room for him in the red box.
And here was he, Daniel O'Connell, with Geoff Darwin and Cedric Walnut, who were only there for their outfits.
Outfits not even needed by Daniel O'Connell, (being too large, with not enough leg holes)
Seeing his look of consternation, Ying says, to Daniel O'Connell:
It's been a long day, would you like to sleep wrapped in my hankie?
He is grateful, and accepts her kind offer.
All night he smells second hand Caramelised Plum, which is reassuringly restful.......
Friday, October 14, 2016
The Logistics Of Ten Thousand Postcards
Next morning. Arthur and Ying meet at the airport.
Arthur has the red box, shoved in his shorts pocket.
You travel light, says Ying. Is that your one pair of shorts?
Yes, says Arthur. And they're not dry yet.
You washed them! says Ying. That's so sweet.
I didn't, says Arthur. Sweezus was washing his, so I dropped mine in.
How damp are they? asks Ying.
She touches them gingerly, on the frayed purple edge of the pocket.
I'll take the box, says Ying. It's cardboard. It'll go soggy.
Too late. The red box containing Daniel O'Connell, Geoff Darwin and Cedric Walnut has already gone soggy.
They pass through security.
Security scans the soggy red box.
Nothing unusual there.
Just toys, says Ying, smiling at the scanning officer.
This arouses suspicion, and Ying is frisked with a wand for traces of explosives.
Of which, luckily, no traces are found.
Arthur and Ying board the Emirates flight to Dubai.
It's a long flight, says Ying. We'll be great friends by the end. Here, hold the box for a second.
She wriggles in her seat, adjusting the seat belt.
Arthur's thumb goes straight through the box.
Soft cheers are heard through the thumb hole.
Arthur lifts the lid. It's the first time he's looked into the Rooibos tea box since yesterday.
About time! says Geoff Darwin.
I should say so, says Cedric Walnut. Call an ambulance!
Can't says Arthur. We're on a plane.
Get Daniel O'Connell out then, says Geoff Darwin. He's not breathing.
He doesn't, says Arthur. Not like you or me. Or just me, depending...
What are you talking about Arthur? asks Ying.
Daniel O'Connell's stopped breathing, says Arthur.
Ai! says Ying. Is he dead or something? This is no good! Get him out, let's have a look.
Arthur lifts Daniel O'Connell out of the red box, by one of his tiny thin legs.
Sets him down on his damp purple shorts, horizontal.
Daniel O'Connell opens his eyes to see a SKULL staring back at him.
'Tis the grim reaper! cries Daniel O'Connell.
But 'tis not the grim reaper. 'Tis the newly washed pattern on Arthur's Brave Soul Paisley Skull shorts.
A lesson, not to do washing too often.
.......
Several hours into the flight, Ying and Arthur have exhausted the niceties
How is Stew? Still in Tassie. I never see him. How was the Tour De France? Good. I was the captain. We met Proust. How amazing! Did he speak in long sentences? Not always. He was there as a clown. Excuse me, I need to go to the toilet. Okay. Oops sorry. More champagne?
And now it is dinner time.
Daniel O'Connell is back in the box, under the seat in front of Arthur.
Ying has folded the lid back, so the inmates can see.
All they can see is the flat bottom of a seat, a slit of light, and all they can smell is:
Lamb Brochette with Arabic spices.
Grilled Chicken Breast with Caramelised Plums.
To take their mind off their hunger they speak of their families.
Geoff Darwin: I didn't realise we were going on such a long journey.
Cedric Walnut: Neither did I. My wife will be beside herself
Geoff Darwin: So will mine
Daniel O'Connell (morosely): I don't have anyone beside herself.
Geoff Darwin: A free man eh? What about relatives?
Daniel O'Connell: Only the Black Jumping Spiders. And they don't know me.
Cedric Walnut: Aye. We family men don't always realise....
Geoff Darwin: ......how lucky we are.
........
Arthur is beginning to think that Ying is not going to mention the wallet.
After all, it was two years ago.
He closes his eyes, after adjusting his seat to a reclining position.
Arthur, says Ying.
What? says Arthur.
We need to talk about something.
What is it?
The ten thousand postcards. The logistics. How will you...?
All under control, mumbles Arthur.
Arthur has the red box, shoved in his shorts pocket.
You travel light, says Ying. Is that your one pair of shorts?
Yes, says Arthur. And they're not dry yet.
You washed them! says Ying. That's so sweet.
I didn't, says Arthur. Sweezus was washing his, so I dropped mine in.
How damp are they? asks Ying.
She touches them gingerly, on the frayed purple edge of the pocket.
I'll take the box, says Ying. It's cardboard. It'll go soggy.
Too late. The red box containing Daniel O'Connell, Geoff Darwin and Cedric Walnut has already gone soggy.
They pass through security.
Security scans the soggy red box.
Nothing unusual there.
Just toys, says Ying, smiling at the scanning officer.
This arouses suspicion, and Ying is frisked with a wand for traces of explosives.
Of which, luckily, no traces are found.
Arthur and Ying board the Emirates flight to Dubai.
It's a long flight, says Ying. We'll be great friends by the end. Here, hold the box for a second.
She wriggles in her seat, adjusting the seat belt.
Arthur's thumb goes straight through the box.
Soft cheers are heard through the thumb hole.
Arthur lifts the lid. It's the first time he's looked into the Rooibos tea box since yesterday.
About time! says Geoff Darwin.
I should say so, says Cedric Walnut. Call an ambulance!
Can't says Arthur. We're on a plane.
Get Daniel O'Connell out then, says Geoff Darwin. He's not breathing.
He doesn't, says Arthur. Not like you or me. Or just me, depending...
What are you talking about Arthur? asks Ying.
Daniel O'Connell's stopped breathing, says Arthur.
Ai! says Ying. Is he dead or something? This is no good! Get him out, let's have a look.
Arthur lifts Daniel O'Connell out of the red box, by one of his tiny thin legs.
Sets him down on his damp purple shorts, horizontal.
Daniel O'Connell opens his eyes to see a SKULL staring back at him.
'Tis the grim reaper! cries Daniel O'Connell.
But 'tis not the grim reaper. 'Tis the newly washed pattern on Arthur's Brave Soul Paisley Skull shorts.
A lesson, not to do washing too often.
.......
Several hours into the flight, Ying and Arthur have exhausted the niceties
How is Stew? Still in Tassie. I never see him. How was the Tour De France? Good. I was the captain. We met Proust. How amazing! Did he speak in long sentences? Not always. He was there as a clown. Excuse me, I need to go to the toilet. Okay. Oops sorry. More champagne?
And now it is dinner time.
Daniel O'Connell is back in the box, under the seat in front of Arthur.
Ying has folded the lid back, so the inmates can see.
All they can see is the flat bottom of a seat, a slit of light, and all they can smell is:
Lamb Brochette with Arabic spices.
Grilled Chicken Breast with Caramelised Plums.
To take their mind off their hunger they speak of their families.
Geoff Darwin: I didn't realise we were going on such a long journey.
Cedric Walnut: Neither did I. My wife will be beside herself
Geoff Darwin: So will mine
Daniel O'Connell (morosely): I don't have anyone beside herself.
Geoff Darwin: A free man eh? What about relatives?
Daniel O'Connell: Only the Black Jumping Spiders. And they don't know me.
Cedric Walnut: Aye. We family men don't always realise....
Geoff Darwin: ......how lucky we are.
........
Arthur is beginning to think that Ying is not going to mention the wallet.
After all, it was two years ago.
He closes his eyes, after adjusting his seat to a reclining position.
Arthur, says Ying.
What? says Arthur.
We need to talk about something.
What is it?
The ten thousand postcards. The logistics. How will you...?
All under control, mumbles Arthur.
Thursday, October 13, 2016
And The Darkness Grows Redder
Okay, says Ying. I'll organise tickets. So, it's Gaius and Kong, Arthur and Sweezus, and me. That's five adults. And then Terence...
You forgot someone, says Daniel O'Connell.
You won't need a ticket, says Ying.
This is news to Daniel O'Connell.
No, says Ying. You can go in the box.
She leaves, in order to organise tickets.
Daniel sits down on the table, deflated.
Belle is dressing Geoff Darwin and Cedric Walnut.
I guess you won't be needing these guys, says Belle. What'll I do with them?
They might as well go in the box, says Daniel O'Connell. At least I'll have someone to talk to.
Geoff Darwin and Cedric Walnut are dropped in the box.
Daniel O'Connell climbs in.
He sits down heavily, in a red corner.
A monkey and a squirrel, says Daniel O'Connell, in deep gloom.
Cheer up, says Geoff Darwin, the monkey. We'll just make the best of it.
Are you okay? asks Cedric Walnut, the squirrel. Can we help you? You look thin and pale, and your breathing is funny.
There is nothing worse than being told that you look thin and pale and your breathing is funny.
Daniel O'Connell feels faint and disorientated.
Terence peers into the box.
He sees Daniel O'Connell looking pale in the corner.
We're quite concerned about your spider, says Geoff Darwin loudly, upwards.
That's because he's SAD, says Terence. And I know why. I get a ticket, and he doesn't.
Ouch! The truth hurts. A blow for Daniel O'Connell.
Terence closes the lid of the red cardboard Rooibos tea box.
And the darkness grows redder.
......
Time passes.
......
Ying has the tickets.
Just one little hitch, says Ying, but it won't be a problem.
.......
Turns out she can't get enough tickets for everyone to fly to Barcelona together.
So two adults must fly out first. And three adults and Terence, two days later.
The box won't be a problem.
And how has Ying divided the party?
Fuck, says Sweezus. She's split us. I knew it....
She has unfinished business with me, says Arthur. Remember her car, and the wallet?
But you bought her lunch heaps of times, says Sweezus.
With her money, says Arthur.
Women, says Sweezus.
Pause.
Not all women, adds Sweezus.
What a philosopher.
....
So what's happening is this. Ying and Arthur fly out tomorrow, with Daniel O'Connell.
Two days later, Gaius, Kong and Sweezus, with Terence.
And they all meet in Barcelona, next Tuesday, outside the Sagrada Familia.
There, Terence will reunite briefly with his family (except for Saint Joseph).
Then, the whole party will fly out to Tenerife, where Daniel O'Connell....
(who is in a bad place at the moment)
(what if he doesn't make it?)
But we won't get ahead of ourselves.
You forgot someone, says Daniel O'Connell.
You won't need a ticket, says Ying.
This is news to Daniel O'Connell.
No, says Ying. You can go in the box.
She leaves, in order to organise tickets.
Daniel sits down on the table, deflated.
Belle is dressing Geoff Darwin and Cedric Walnut.
I guess you won't be needing these guys, says Belle. What'll I do with them?
They might as well go in the box, says Daniel O'Connell. At least I'll have someone to talk to.
Geoff Darwin and Cedric Walnut are dropped in the box.
Daniel O'Connell climbs in.
He sits down heavily, in a red corner.
A monkey and a squirrel, says Daniel O'Connell, in deep gloom.
Cheer up, says Geoff Darwin, the monkey. We'll just make the best of it.
Are you okay? asks Cedric Walnut, the squirrel. Can we help you? You look thin and pale, and your breathing is funny.
There is nothing worse than being told that you look thin and pale and your breathing is funny.
Daniel O'Connell feels faint and disorientated.
Terence peers into the box.
He sees Daniel O'Connell looking pale in the corner.
We're quite concerned about your spider, says Geoff Darwin loudly, upwards.
That's because he's SAD, says Terence. And I know why. I get a ticket, and he doesn't.
Ouch! The truth hurts. A blow for Daniel O'Connell.
Terence closes the lid of the red cardboard Rooibos tea box.
And the darkness grows redder.
......
Time passes.
......
Ying has the tickets.
Just one little hitch, says Ying, but it won't be a problem.
.......
Turns out she can't get enough tickets for everyone to fly to Barcelona together.
So two adults must fly out first. And three adults and Terence, two days later.
The box won't be a problem.
And how has Ying divided the party?
Fuck, says Sweezus. She's split us. I knew it....
She has unfinished business with me, says Arthur. Remember her car, and the wallet?
But you bought her lunch heaps of times, says Sweezus.
With her money, says Arthur.
Women, says Sweezus.
Pause.
Not all women, adds Sweezus.
What a philosopher.
....
So what's happening is this. Ying and Arthur fly out tomorrow, with Daniel O'Connell.
Two days later, Gaius, Kong and Sweezus, with Terence.
And they all meet in Barcelona, next Tuesday, outside the Sagrada Familia.
There, Terence will reunite briefly with his family (except for Saint Joseph).
Then, the whole party will fly out to Tenerife, where Daniel O'Connell....
(who is in a bad place at the moment)
(what if he doesn't make it?)
But we won't get ahead of ourselves.
Wednesday, October 12, 2016
Dance Of Freedom
Daniel O'Connell is drowning in two pairs of trousers.
But there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Each has a tail hole. That makes two leg holes, one tail hole, and a waist hole in each pair of trousers.
According to Ying, who is good at maths (according to Arthur), that makes eight holes altogether.
And you have eight legs, says Belle, to Daniel O'Connell.
He knows that.
I'll get some pins, says Belle. We'll have you dressed in a jiffy. Gaius, have you got any pins?
Gaius has, from a period when he caught and pinned butterflies, before they became scarce.
Like the best pins, they have different coloured tops, and are remarkably pointy.
Ouch! Ouch! cries Daniel O'Connell.
And then he is silent.
Eight leg holes is all very well, but what about:
A HOLE FOR HIS HEAD!
Belle is realising this also.
Meanwhile Terence has come in.
Oh shit, says Sweezus.
Penalty! says Terence.
Only YOU get a penalty for swearing, says Sweezus.
I know what you're thinking, says Belle, with her mouth full of pins. You're thinking you'll have to take Terence with you to the Canaries.
Not another one! says Ying. There won't be enough room on the plane.
Can't he stay here? asks Sweezus.
No, says Belle. I'll be in charge of the office. He'll be going. Anyway, he'll love it. You fly via Dubai, and Barcelona.
Barcelona! cries Terence! That's where I came from!
Aren't you lucky, says Belle. You can visit The Virgin, and Saint Joseph, your beautiful family.
Not Saint Joseph, says Terence. I might visit the parrots.
You can visit your replacement, says Arthur.
Do I have a replacement? asks Terence.
(He must have forgotten).
Astro Boy, says Arthur. That is, if he's still there.
Boo hoo, says Terence. Astro Boy. My poor replacement.
It's hard to know what he is thinking.
Daniel O'Connell's head pokes out of Monkey Daddy's tail hole.
Cch-chah!
He is choking, and one leg is trapped.
Get me out! says Daniel O'Connell. I've changed my mind about holiday outfits.
Now you tell me , says Belle. After all that pinning.
Daniel O'Connell struggles out of his outfits, and performs a Red Spider Dance of Freedom.
Geoff Darwin and Cedric Walnut applaud.
Now they should get their clothes back.
But there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Each has a tail hole. That makes two leg holes, one tail hole, and a waist hole in each pair of trousers.
According to Ying, who is good at maths (according to Arthur), that makes eight holes altogether.
And you have eight legs, says Belle, to Daniel O'Connell.
He knows that.
I'll get some pins, says Belle. We'll have you dressed in a jiffy. Gaius, have you got any pins?
Gaius has, from a period when he caught and pinned butterflies, before they became scarce.
Like the best pins, they have different coloured tops, and are remarkably pointy.
Ouch! Ouch! cries Daniel O'Connell.
And then he is silent.
Eight leg holes is all very well, but what about:
A HOLE FOR HIS HEAD!
Belle is realising this also.
Meanwhile Terence has come in.
Oh shit, says Sweezus.
Penalty! says Terence.
Only YOU get a penalty for swearing, says Sweezus.
I know what you're thinking, says Belle, with her mouth full of pins. You're thinking you'll have to take Terence with you to the Canaries.
Not another one! says Ying. There won't be enough room on the plane.
Can't he stay here? asks Sweezus.
No, says Belle. I'll be in charge of the office. He'll be going. Anyway, he'll love it. You fly via Dubai, and Barcelona.
Barcelona! cries Terence! That's where I came from!
Aren't you lucky, says Belle. You can visit The Virgin, and Saint Joseph, your beautiful family.
Not Saint Joseph, says Terence. I might visit the parrots.
You can visit your replacement, says Arthur.
Do I have a replacement? asks Terence.
(He must have forgotten).
Astro Boy, says Arthur. That is, if he's still there.
Boo hoo, says Terence. Astro Boy. My poor replacement.
It's hard to know what he is thinking.
Daniel O'Connell's head pokes out of Monkey Daddy's tail hole.
Cch-chah!
He is choking, and one leg is trapped.
Get me out! says Daniel O'Connell. I've changed my mind about holiday outfits.
Now you tell me , says Belle. After all that pinning.
Daniel O'Connell struggles out of his outfits, and performs a Red Spider Dance of Freedom.
Geoff Darwin and Cedric Walnut applaud.
Now they should get their clothes back.
Tuesday, October 11, 2016
A Little On The Big Side
Belle is on her way back to Gaius's house.
She carries a red cardboard box.
Inside the box are :
1. Daniel O'Connell.
2. His holiday outfits.
3. A monkey and a squirrel (Sylvanian daddies, wearing the outfits).
Daniel O'Connell is pointedly ignoring the daddies.
They are forced to converse with themselves.
I don't believe we've met, says Monkey Daddy.
Cedric Walnut, says the Squirrel. Carpenter.
Geoff Darwin, says Monkey. Botanist.
Nice outfit, observes Cedric Walnut.
So is yours, says Geoff Darwin. I believe our outfits are the reason we were selected.
Ha ha. Selected, says Cedric. Good one, Darwin. Any idea what for?
You've got me there, says Geoff Darwin. I hope it's a short term thing. I've got to get back to my family.
Me too, says Cedric Walnut.
Clunk.
The box is clunked down on a table, and opened.
Daniel O'Connell is lifted out.
The daddies hear various voices.
Belle's voice: Well, that was reasonably successful.
Sweezus's voice: What'd you get?
Daniel O'Connell's voice: Two outfits, a little on the big side.
Gaius: I hope they have enough leg holes.
Daniel O'Connell: Holy shit! Leg holes!
Belle: That's something we didn't think of.
Ying: Two outfits. Twice the holes.
Arthur: You're good at maths.
Ying: Thank you, Arthur.
Daniel O'Connell: Ying. How goes the crowd funding?
Ying: Exceedingly well. You have over one hundred thousand dollars.
Daniel O'Connell: And where is it?
Ying: In an account. I'm the administrator. And by the way. I've finished my Masters, so I'll be able to come to the Canaries with you. How good is that?
Daniel O'Connell: Hm. Who else thinks they're coming?
Sweezus: Us. Me and Arthur.
Gaius: And I. It's an excellent opportunity....
Kong Fu-Zi: And I have been invited along as the official recorder.
(We know this is not true exactly)
Daniel O'Connell: That will cost a lot of money.
Ying: Don't worry. You have plenty.
Belle: You'll be glad to know I'm not going. Someone has to stay back in the office.
Kong Fu-Zi: Let's see these outfits. Are they Hawaiian?
At last, someone looks into the box.
Gaius looks too.
Belle lifts the daddies out, and starts stripping their clothes off.
It's a fiddly job.
While she does it, the daddies stand stiffly.
She carries a red cardboard box.
Inside the box are :
1. Daniel O'Connell.
2. His holiday outfits.
3. A monkey and a squirrel (Sylvanian daddies, wearing the outfits).
Daniel O'Connell is pointedly ignoring the daddies.
They are forced to converse with themselves.
I don't believe we've met, says Monkey Daddy.
Cedric Walnut, says the Squirrel. Carpenter.
Geoff Darwin, says Monkey. Botanist.
Nice outfit, observes Cedric Walnut.
So is yours, says Geoff Darwin. I believe our outfits are the reason we were selected.
Ha ha. Selected, says Cedric. Good one, Darwin. Any idea what for?
You've got me there, says Geoff Darwin. I hope it's a short term thing. I've got to get back to my family.
Me too, says Cedric Walnut.
Clunk.
The box is clunked down on a table, and opened.
Daniel O'Connell is lifted out.
The daddies hear various voices.
Belle's voice: Well, that was reasonably successful.
Sweezus's voice: What'd you get?
Daniel O'Connell's voice: Two outfits, a little on the big side.
Gaius: I hope they have enough leg holes.
Daniel O'Connell: Holy shit! Leg holes!
Belle: That's something we didn't think of.
Ying: Two outfits. Twice the holes.
Arthur: You're good at maths.
Ying: Thank you, Arthur.
Daniel O'Connell: Ying. How goes the crowd funding?
Ying: Exceedingly well. You have over one hundred thousand dollars.
Daniel O'Connell: And where is it?
Ying: In an account. I'm the administrator. And by the way. I've finished my Masters, so I'll be able to come to the Canaries with you. How good is that?
Daniel O'Connell: Hm. Who else thinks they're coming?
Sweezus: Us. Me and Arthur.
Gaius: And I. It's an excellent opportunity....
Kong Fu-Zi: And I have been invited along as the official recorder.
(We know this is not true exactly)
Daniel O'Connell: That will cost a lot of money.
Ying: Don't worry. You have plenty.
Belle: You'll be glad to know I'm not going. Someone has to stay back in the office.
Kong Fu-Zi: Let's see these outfits. Are they Hawaiian?
At last, someone looks into the box.
Gaius looks too.
Belle lifts the daddies out, and starts stripping their clothes off.
It's a fiddly job.
While she does it, the daddies stand stiffly.
Monday, October 10, 2016
The Cautious Seldom Err
Belle has dragged Daniel O'Connell to men's clothes shops all over the city.
No one has had anything small enough for Daniel O'Connell.
Right, says Belle. I'm sorry. Last chance. We're going to Toy World.
Toy World, grumbles Daniel O'Connell. Am I a toy now?
Of course not, says Belle. It's a special shop for Toys AND World Travellers. Toy/World.
They go up in a lift to the Toy/World.
I'm looking for small items of clothing, suitable for a spider going on holiday, says Belle.
Hmm, says the assistant (Julie). That'll be difficult.
He's going to the Canaries, says Belle. So, summery clothes would be best....
I'm thinking.... Sylvanian Families, says Julie. But even then, your spider is awfully small. Come over here. I'll show you our range.
Toy/World has a whole shelf Sylvanian characters. Belle lifts Daniel O'Connell up to look.
He inspects the Rabbit Family, the Squirrel Family, the Hamster Family, the Hedgehog Family and the Monkey Family.
The Monkey Family is new, says Julie.
Do you like any of their clothes? asks Belle.
Yes, says Daniel O'Connell. I like Daddy Monkey's trousers.
Daddy Monkey is wearing red trousers, a yellow shirt and an orange and black check waistcoat with green buttons
Way too big, says Julie. What about one of the babies' outfits? They're cute. Baby Hedgehog has blue dungarees, with a sweet white lace collar.
Ahem, coughs Belle. I don't think so.
I should certainly not think so, shouts Daniel O'Connell. Can't you see I am in the full flower of my maturity! The countryside teems with my........
Shoosh, says Belle. No need to boast about it. Do you like Daddy Squirrel's check khaki trousers and yellow waistcoat?
Yes, mutters Daniel O'Connell. I like them well enough. I'll have both outfits. Let's be going.
You have to buy the whole family, says Julie.
We just want the daddies, says Belle.
Can't do it, says Julie.
Belle pays Julie for the Monkey and Squirrel Sylvanian Families, opens the boxes and takes out the daddies.
Do what you like with the mummies and children, says Belle.
Okay, shrugs Julie.
It seems cruel.
Belle and Daniel O'Connell leave Toy/World, only part-satisfied with their shopping.
As for the daddies, they have no idea what's in store.
........
Back at Gaius's house, a discussion:
Gaius: I suppose you boys have heard about the crowdfunding.
Sweezus: Yeah.
Gaius: And you've come to offer your services.
Arthur: Not necessarily.
Kong Fu-Zi: The cautious seldom err.
Sweezus: That's a good one.
Gaius: I've decided to accompany Daniel O'Connell to the Canaries. I'm responsible for him. And I should like to take the opportunity to make a study of the Scarlet Darter, and the Robber Fly.
Kong Fu-Zi: Do you need a recorder?
Gaius: You mean you?
Kong Fu-Zi: To go beyond is as wrong as to fall short.
Gaius What the dickens does that mean?
Kong Fu-Zi: It means yes, I accept.
Ding Dong!
It's Ying.
Ying: Hello everyone. Good news. The total has now reached one hundred thousand. Oh! Arthur!
Arthur: Ying.
Ying: How lovely to see you again. Do you remember...?
Arthur: Err. Yes.
Ying: The bad news is that it's a hell of a lot of postcards.
Sweezus: Postcards?
Gaius: A free gift of a postcard was promised to every sponsor.
Sweezus: Coolio! How many are there?
Ying: One hundred thousand divided by ten.
That can be our job, says Arthur.
No one has had anything small enough for Daniel O'Connell.
Right, says Belle. I'm sorry. Last chance. We're going to Toy World.
Toy World, grumbles Daniel O'Connell. Am I a toy now?
Of course not, says Belle. It's a special shop for Toys AND World Travellers. Toy/World.
They go up in a lift to the Toy/World.
I'm looking for small items of clothing, suitable for a spider going on holiday, says Belle.
Hmm, says the assistant (Julie). That'll be difficult.
He's going to the Canaries, says Belle. So, summery clothes would be best....
I'm thinking.... Sylvanian Families, says Julie. But even then, your spider is awfully small. Come over here. I'll show you our range.
Toy/World has a whole shelf Sylvanian characters. Belle lifts Daniel O'Connell up to look.
He inspects the Rabbit Family, the Squirrel Family, the Hamster Family, the Hedgehog Family and the Monkey Family.
The Monkey Family is new, says Julie.
Do you like any of their clothes? asks Belle.
Yes, says Daniel O'Connell. I like Daddy Monkey's trousers.
Daddy Monkey is wearing red trousers, a yellow shirt and an orange and black check waistcoat with green buttons
Way too big, says Julie. What about one of the babies' outfits? They're cute. Baby Hedgehog has blue dungarees, with a sweet white lace collar.
Ahem, coughs Belle. I don't think so.
I should certainly not think so, shouts Daniel O'Connell. Can't you see I am in the full flower of my maturity! The countryside teems with my........
Shoosh, says Belle. No need to boast about it. Do you like Daddy Squirrel's check khaki trousers and yellow waistcoat?
Yes, mutters Daniel O'Connell. I like them well enough. I'll have both outfits. Let's be going.
You have to buy the whole family, says Julie.
We just want the daddies, says Belle.
Can't do it, says Julie.
Belle pays Julie for the Monkey and Squirrel Sylvanian Families, opens the boxes and takes out the daddies.
Do what you like with the mummies and children, says Belle.
Okay, shrugs Julie.
It seems cruel.
Belle and Daniel O'Connell leave Toy/World, only part-satisfied with their shopping.
As for the daddies, they have no idea what's in store.
........
Back at Gaius's house, a discussion:
Gaius: I suppose you boys have heard about the crowdfunding.
Sweezus: Yeah.
Gaius: And you've come to offer your services.
Arthur: Not necessarily.
Kong Fu-Zi: The cautious seldom err.
Sweezus: That's a good one.
Gaius: I've decided to accompany Daniel O'Connell to the Canaries. I'm responsible for him. And I should like to take the opportunity to make a study of the Scarlet Darter, and the Robber Fly.
Kong Fu-Zi: Do you need a recorder?
Gaius: You mean you?
Kong Fu-Zi: To go beyond is as wrong as to fall short.
Gaius What the dickens does that mean?
Kong Fu-Zi: It means yes, I accept.
Ding Dong!
It's Ying.
Ying: Hello everyone. Good news. The total has now reached one hundred thousand. Oh! Arthur!
Arthur: Ying.
Ying: How lovely to see you again. Do you remember...?
Arthur: Err. Yes.
Ying: The bad news is that it's a hell of a lot of postcards.
Sweezus: Postcards?
Gaius: A free gift of a postcard was promised to every sponsor.
Sweezus: Coolio! How many are there?
Ying: One hundred thousand divided by ten.
That can be our job, says Arthur.
Sunday, October 9, 2016
A Vague Map Forms Of An Island
Check this out! says Sweezus.
Arthur looks at the video on Sweezus's phone.
That's Daniel O'Connell, says Arthur.
Yeah, I know, says Sweezus. He's gone viral in China. And made mega-bucks on Kickstarter.
So he'll be going to the Canaries, says Arthur. With money.
Yeah, says Sweezus. Canaries... where are the Canaries?
Off Africa, says Arthur. But they belong to Spain.
How come? says Sweezus.
Ask Spain, says Arthur. Anyway, I like Spain.
Me too, says Sweezus. So, are they near Spain?
Kind of, says Arthur. In a southerly direction. Somewhere in the ocean.
In Sweezus's head a vague map forms, of an island south of Spain, ringed by palm trees and lapped by a tropical ocean, with cool bars and large jugs of sangria.......
In Arthur's head, a spider he knows has some money, in need of spending......
Maybe we should pay Gaius a visit, says Sweezus.
Maybe we should, agrees Arthur.
They gulp down the dregs of their artisan cold drip coffees and head for their bicycles.
.......
Daniel O'Connell looks up from his packing.
What should I take?
The red box, suggests Baby Pierre. You look good in it.
It looked good behind me, says Daniel O'Connell.
It looks good anywhere, says Baby Pierre. And we'll both fit in it.
There won't be room for my clothes, says Daniel O'Connell.
Have you got clothes? asks Baby Pierre.
Not yet, says Daniel O'Connell. Belle's taking me shopping.
Don't buy too many, says Baby Pierre. It'll be hot there.
He doesn't know if it'll be hot there. He's worried about lack of SPACE.
........
Ding dong! It's Belle at the door, with Terence.
Come in Belle, says Gaius. And you, Terence.
Terence rushes in.
He is looking for Daniel O'Connell.
There he is on the table, near a red box, and Baby Pierre.
Guess what? says Terence. You're going shopping! And then guess what?
What? asks Daniel O'Connell. I mean, then what?
You're going to the Canaries, says Terence. And you might need a ... a... person who knows about parrots.
I've BEEN a parrot, says Daniel O'Connell. That is, you attempted to turn me into a parrot.
You were no good, says Terence.
Why do I need someone who knows about parrots? asks Daniel O'Connell.
Yes, why? says Baby Pierre. He doesn't. He needs someone who knows about .....about...
Postcards, says Daniel O'Connell.
This is perfectly true. Well done, Daniel O'Connell.
Ready? says Belle. Let's go shopping. Goodness, how small you are, Daniel O'Connell. We might have to go to a toy shop.
Oh no, says Daniel O'Connell. I'm not shopping for clothes in a toy shop.
We'll see, says Belle.
She scoops up Daniel O'Connell, drops him in the red box, and heads for the door.
At the door, about to ring the doorbell, are Sweezus and Arthur.
Hi guys, says Belle. Go in. I'm just taking Daniel O'Connell out shopping.
But we came to see him, says Sweezus.
We won't be long, says Belle. You guys wait here with Gaius and Kong. Ying's coming over.
Ying? says Sweezus. Is she the one who...?
Yes, says Belle. And she remembers you from Tasmania. You, and Arthur.
It was ages ago. Arthur has almost forgotten her, and the peach stone, the keys and the car, and the wallet.....
Arthur looks at the video on Sweezus's phone.
That's Daniel O'Connell, says Arthur.
Yeah, I know, says Sweezus. He's gone viral in China. And made mega-bucks on Kickstarter.
So he'll be going to the Canaries, says Arthur. With money.
Yeah, says Sweezus. Canaries... where are the Canaries?
Off Africa, says Arthur. But they belong to Spain.
How come? says Sweezus.
Ask Spain, says Arthur. Anyway, I like Spain.
Me too, says Sweezus. So, are they near Spain?
Kind of, says Arthur. In a southerly direction. Somewhere in the ocean.
In Sweezus's head a vague map forms, of an island south of Spain, ringed by palm trees and lapped by a tropical ocean, with cool bars and large jugs of sangria.......
In Arthur's head, a spider he knows has some money, in need of spending......
Maybe we should pay Gaius a visit, says Sweezus.
Maybe we should, agrees Arthur.
They gulp down the dregs of their artisan cold drip coffees and head for their bicycles.
.......
Daniel O'Connell looks up from his packing.
What should I take?
The red box, suggests Baby Pierre. You look good in it.
It looked good behind me, says Daniel O'Connell.
It looks good anywhere, says Baby Pierre. And we'll both fit in it.
There won't be room for my clothes, says Daniel O'Connell.
Have you got clothes? asks Baby Pierre.
Not yet, says Daniel O'Connell. Belle's taking me shopping.
Don't buy too many, says Baby Pierre. It'll be hot there.
He doesn't know if it'll be hot there. He's worried about lack of SPACE.
........
Ding dong! It's Belle at the door, with Terence.
Come in Belle, says Gaius. And you, Terence.
Terence rushes in.
He is looking for Daniel O'Connell.
There he is on the table, near a red box, and Baby Pierre.
Guess what? says Terence. You're going shopping! And then guess what?
What? asks Daniel O'Connell. I mean, then what?
You're going to the Canaries, says Terence. And you might need a ... a... person who knows about parrots.
I've BEEN a parrot, says Daniel O'Connell. That is, you attempted to turn me into a parrot.
You were no good, says Terence.
Why do I need someone who knows about parrots? asks Daniel O'Connell.
Yes, why? says Baby Pierre. He doesn't. He needs someone who knows about .....about...
Postcards, says Daniel O'Connell.
This is perfectly true. Well done, Daniel O'Connell.
Ready? says Belle. Let's go shopping. Goodness, how small you are, Daniel O'Connell. We might have to go to a toy shop.
Oh no, says Daniel O'Connell. I'm not shopping for clothes in a toy shop.
We'll see, says Belle.
She scoops up Daniel O'Connell, drops him in the red box, and heads for the door.
At the door, about to ring the doorbell, are Sweezus and Arthur.
Hi guys, says Belle. Go in. I'm just taking Daniel O'Connell out shopping.
But we came to see him, says Sweezus.
We won't be long, says Belle. You guys wait here with Gaius and Kong. Ying's coming over.
Ying? says Sweezus. Is she the one who...?
Yes, says Belle. And she remembers you from Tasmania. You, and Arthur.
It was ages ago. Arthur has almost forgotten her, and the peach stone, the keys and the car, and the wallet.....
Saturday, October 8, 2016
But May Have Stolen Her Wallet
Next day, Ying calls Gaius.
Money's coming in already, says Ying. This is going to be huge.
Pardon? says Gaius. Oh, money......
Yes, money for Daniel O'Connell, says Ying. Our video's going viral in China. They just love his Red Spider Dance. I'll let you know when we reach the target. Bye now.
Would you believe it? says Gaius. Money's rolling in. The video's going viral.
Very good, says Kong Fu-Zi. Modern technology has its advantages. Where is our hero?
Good question, says Gaius. We must tell him the news.
He looks around the kitchen, but he can't see Daniel O'Connell.
Never mind, says Gaius. He'll turn up. Meanwhile shall we try and have a look at this video?
It takes Gaius ages to find it. First he has to sign up to Weibo.
At last, Red Spider Dancing comes up on his screen.
Kong Fu-Zi's introduction and offer (courtesy of Li Feng).
Baby Pierre's intervention and empty promise of spider eggs (ditto).
Daniel O'Connell dancing in front of the red Rooibos tea box, offering post cards (recorded by Ying).
Chinese subtitles.
Music by Cui Jian. "Nothing To My Name."
A slick production, says Kong Fu-Zi.
.......
Daniel O'Connell is out in the garden, talking to Ageless and Baby Pierre.
I'm hopeful, says Daniel O'Connell.
So am I, says Baby Pierre.
Stupid video, says Ageless. Full of errors and irrelevant dancing.
You don't understand ANYTHING, says Baby Pierre. People will like it. Kong Fu-Zi is famous.
Is that why? asks Daniel O'Connell.
It's one reason, says Baby Pierre. That's why it's on Weibo.
Where's the money going? says Ageless. Have you whippersnappers asked that. Who gets it?
I get it, says Daniel O'Connell.
Oh yes? Do you have a bank account? asks Ageless.
(He's in a foul mood today).
.........
Kobo is on the windowsill dreaming of Ying.
If the video is successful, and the target is reached, it will be thanks to Ying.
Kobo wonders if Ying has a boyfriend.
She is so pretty.......
.......
Ying is at home, working on an essay.
She is finishing her Master of Environmental Management and Sustainability essay, last of many.
Her attention keeps wandering.
Twofold.
The random meeting with Gaius has reminded her of the time in Tasmania, when she was at Cradle Coast Campus, visiting Dismal Swamp with Gaius and his team. Including Arthur, that nice looking poet, who hardly noticed her, but may have stolen her wallet......
She keeps checking Kickstarter.
Unbelievable. Fifty thousand dollars already!
Money's coming in already, says Ying. This is going to be huge.
Pardon? says Gaius. Oh, money......
Yes, money for Daniel O'Connell, says Ying. Our video's going viral in China. They just love his Red Spider Dance. I'll let you know when we reach the target. Bye now.
Would you believe it? says Gaius. Money's rolling in. The video's going viral.
Very good, says Kong Fu-Zi. Modern technology has its advantages. Where is our hero?
Good question, says Gaius. We must tell him the news.
He looks around the kitchen, but he can't see Daniel O'Connell.
Never mind, says Gaius. He'll turn up. Meanwhile shall we try and have a look at this video?
It takes Gaius ages to find it. First he has to sign up to Weibo.
At last, Red Spider Dancing comes up on his screen.
Kong Fu-Zi's introduction and offer (courtesy of Li Feng).
Baby Pierre's intervention and empty promise of spider eggs (ditto).
Daniel O'Connell dancing in front of the red Rooibos tea box, offering post cards (recorded by Ying).
Chinese subtitles.
Music by Cui Jian. "Nothing To My Name."
A slick production, says Kong Fu-Zi.
.......
Daniel O'Connell is out in the garden, talking to Ageless and Baby Pierre.
I'm hopeful, says Daniel O'Connell.
So am I, says Baby Pierre.
Stupid video, says Ageless. Full of errors and irrelevant dancing.
You don't understand ANYTHING, says Baby Pierre. People will like it. Kong Fu-Zi is famous.
Is that why? asks Daniel O'Connell.
It's one reason, says Baby Pierre. That's why it's on Weibo.
Where's the money going? says Ageless. Have you whippersnappers asked that. Who gets it?
I get it, says Daniel O'Connell.
Oh yes? Do you have a bank account? asks Ageless.
(He's in a foul mood today).
.........
Kobo is on the windowsill dreaming of Ying.
If the video is successful, and the target is reached, it will be thanks to Ying.
Kobo wonders if Ying has a boyfriend.
She is so pretty.......
.......
Ying is at home, working on an essay.
She is finishing her Master of Environmental Management and Sustainability essay, last of many.
Her attention keeps wandering.
Twofold.
The random meeting with Gaius has reminded her of the time in Tasmania, when she was at Cradle Coast Campus, visiting Dismal Swamp with Gaius and his team. Including Arthur, that nice looking poet, who hardly noticed her, but may have stolen her wallet......
She keeps checking Kickstarter.
Unbelievable. Fifty thousand dollars already!
Friday, October 7, 2016
Red Spider Dancing On Weibo
Daniel O'Connell stays frozen for quite some time.
He has no idea what free gift to offer.
Li Feng stops recording the video.
Do you need a minute? asks Li Feng.
No he doesn't, says Baby Pierre. It's not his turn yet. It's my turn.
Li Feng resumes recording.
Kong Fu-Zi will have to do his bit again, says Baby Pierre. Because he just introduced Daniel O'Connell. And it isn't Daniel O'Connell. It's me.
Just talk, says Li Feng.
Okay, says Baby Pierre. It's me Baby Pierre. In a minute you'll see Daniel O'Connell. If you sponsor him to go to the Canaries, and he gets enough money, he'll give every sponsor a free spider egg which will hatch into a new baby Daniel O'Connell.....
Daniel O'Connell unfreezes.
Not likely! cries Daniel O'Connell, leaping in front of the iphone. Change of plan! Stop recording!
Li Feng stops recording.
This is a schemozzle, says Gaius.
It is, agrees Kong Fu-Zi. What a pity. I was quite proud of my contribution. Did you like the way I stressed the non-frivolous dancing?
I did, says Gaius. But I think you went too far when you promised free gifts. How is Daniel supposed to produce them?
I think you'll find spider eggs were not my suggestion, says Kong. I was thinking more of signed post cards.
Signed post cards! says Daniel O'Connell. Just what I was thinking! Roll the camera.
Let me, says Ying.
Yes, you do it, says Li Feng. You have an eye for it.
I do have an eye for it, says Ying.
She takes out her iphone.
She makes Daniel O'Connell stand in front of a box.
Which box? The box of Rooibos tea. A red box. It will show Daniel O'Connell to best advantage.
Now, go for it! says Ying.
Daniel O'Connell stands in front of the red box.
My proposal, says Daniel O'Connell, is to go to the Canaries and from there send everyone postcards. To do this I shall need extra stamps. Therefore, I propose to entertain you with a long-legged dance that I intend to teach to my relatives, the Black Jumping Spiders. Here I go now.
Daniel O'Connell surprises everyone with his Spider Dance. It is based on the one made famous by James Joyce. Well, not all that famous.
Bravo! cries Baby Pierre. That was funny! Now what?
Each person adds on the cost of a stamp to their donation, says Daniel O'Connell. Then off we go to the Canaries!
That's a wrap, says Ying, turning off her iphone.
Wait, I have to do my part again, says Kong.
No, never mind, says Ying. I'll edit it. Don't worry. It'll be fine.
She presses some buttons.
This is going to be good, says Kobo.
She knows this because Ying is doing it, and she admires Ying.
Ying, who found a fossilised peach stone in Tasmania.
Beloved, says Ageless, it may not be so good. There are discontinuities.
But Ying will edit them, says Kobo. Watch her, she is doing it now.
Okay! says Ying. Kickstarter? Everyone happy with that? And I'll start up a website on Weibo. I'll call it Red Spider Dancing and link it to the crowdfunding platform.
Wow! How to get money.
Ying. Handy person to know.
He has no idea what free gift to offer.
Li Feng stops recording the video.
Do you need a minute? asks Li Feng.
No he doesn't, says Baby Pierre. It's not his turn yet. It's my turn.
Li Feng resumes recording.
Kong Fu-Zi will have to do his bit again, says Baby Pierre. Because he just introduced Daniel O'Connell. And it isn't Daniel O'Connell. It's me.
Just talk, says Li Feng.
Okay, says Baby Pierre. It's me Baby Pierre. In a minute you'll see Daniel O'Connell. If you sponsor him to go to the Canaries, and he gets enough money, he'll give every sponsor a free spider egg which will hatch into a new baby Daniel O'Connell.....
Daniel O'Connell unfreezes.
Not likely! cries Daniel O'Connell, leaping in front of the iphone. Change of plan! Stop recording!
Li Feng stops recording.
This is a schemozzle, says Gaius.
It is, agrees Kong Fu-Zi. What a pity. I was quite proud of my contribution. Did you like the way I stressed the non-frivolous dancing?
I did, says Gaius. But I think you went too far when you promised free gifts. How is Daniel supposed to produce them?
I think you'll find spider eggs were not my suggestion, says Kong. I was thinking more of signed post cards.
Signed post cards! says Daniel O'Connell. Just what I was thinking! Roll the camera.
Let me, says Ying.
Yes, you do it, says Li Feng. You have an eye for it.
I do have an eye for it, says Ying.
She takes out her iphone.
She makes Daniel O'Connell stand in front of a box.
Which box? The box of Rooibos tea. A red box. It will show Daniel O'Connell to best advantage.
Now, go for it! says Ying.
Daniel O'Connell stands in front of the red box.
My proposal, says Daniel O'Connell, is to go to the Canaries and from there send everyone postcards. To do this I shall need extra stamps. Therefore, I propose to entertain you with a long-legged dance that I intend to teach to my relatives, the Black Jumping Spiders. Here I go now.
Daniel O'Connell surprises everyone with his Spider Dance. It is based on the one made famous by James Joyce. Well, not all that famous.
Bravo! cries Baby Pierre. That was funny! Now what?
Each person adds on the cost of a stamp to their donation, says Daniel O'Connell. Then off we go to the Canaries!
That's a wrap, says Ying, turning off her iphone.
Wait, I have to do my part again, says Kong.
No, never mind, says Ying. I'll edit it. Don't worry. It'll be fine.
She presses some buttons.
This is going to be good, says Kobo.
She knows this because Ying is doing it, and she admires Ying.
Ying, who found a fossilised peach stone in Tasmania.
Beloved, says Ageless, it may not be so good. There are discontinuities.
But Ying will edit them, says Kobo. Watch her, she is doing it now.
Okay! says Ying. Kickstarter? Everyone happy with that? And I'll start up a website on Weibo. I'll call it Red Spider Dancing and link it to the crowdfunding platform.
Wow! How to get money.
Ying. Handy person to know.
Wednesday, October 5, 2016
Spirit Of Harmonious Society
Baby Pierre and Daniel O'Connell come in.
Excellent! says Gaius. All three of the lost are accounted for.
We weren't lost, says Baby Pierre. We were with Tullio.
They are now in the kitchen.
Ageless looks up from where he has been skulking,
Any luck with the funding? asks Ageless.
To be sure, says Daniel O'Connell. We're doing crowdfunding. We're asking ten thousand.
Dollars? asks Ying. That's a lot of money! What's your project?
A big one, says Baby Pierre. Going to the Canaries, and then, dancing with spiders.
He makes it sound frivolous, says Daniel O'Connell. But I assure you, it isn't.
I don't know that I approve of crowdfunding, says Gaius. What do you think, Kong?
Kong Fu-Zi considers.
It is good if the intention is noble, says Kong Fu-Zi. But I do not think dancing with spiders is noble.
It is harmonious, says Li Feng.
It is, agrees Ying. And therefore desirable.
You disagree with me, says Kong Fu-Zi. That is good. I like a good argument.
Perhaps you should introduce yourself first, says Gaius.
I should, says Kong Fu-Zi. I am Kong Fu-Zi known in the West as Confucius, here on a visit.
Ha ha, laughs Ying. I don't believe you.
He speaks the truth, says Gaius. He is dressed that way because he is modern, and drinks Rooibos tea.
It's the worst tea I ever tasted, says Li Feng.
Yes, tastes like dirt, says Ying.
Correction, it tastes earthy, says Kong Fu-Zi, and it contains zero caffeine.
That's good, I guess, zero caffeine, says Li Feng.
What about our crowdfunding? says Baby Pierre.
What about it? says Gaius. How far down the track are you?
Nowhere, says Daniel O'Connell. We need someone to make us a video. With me in it, asking for money.
You're very tiny, says Ying. And almost transparent. You won't show up well.
So what? says Daniel O'Connell. For a long time I lived in total darkness. Showing up was not something I needed to know how to do.
He's cute, says Li Feng. Let's help him make a video. Everyone can be in it.
She takes out her iphone.
Ready? Who's going first?
I will, as the Laudably Declarable Model Teacher of Ten Thousand Ages, says Kong Fu-Zi.
He winks at Gaius.
Ew, okay, says Li Feng.
Kong Fu-Zi stands erect in his Hawaiian shirt and drop crotch trousers. He looks imposing.
He takes a harmonious breath.
Eeh-haaaah!
He speaks:
In the spirit of Harmonious Society, in response to increasing social injustice,and inequality, as a result of unchecked economic growth, leading to social conflict, etcetera, we beg your small donation of five or ten dollars towards sending this well-intentioned but penniless spider to the Canaries to teach disadvantaged Black Jumping Spiders non-frivolous dancing. If the target is met, every contributor will receive a free gift, to be revealed in a moment. Now let me introduce.... DANIEL O'CONNELL!
Ee-heh! A free gift! Daniel freezes.
Excellent! says Gaius. All three of the lost are accounted for.
We weren't lost, says Baby Pierre. We were with Tullio.
They are now in the kitchen.
Ageless looks up from where he has been skulking,
Any luck with the funding? asks Ageless.
To be sure, says Daniel O'Connell. We're doing crowdfunding. We're asking ten thousand.
Dollars? asks Ying. That's a lot of money! What's your project?
A big one, says Baby Pierre. Going to the Canaries, and then, dancing with spiders.
He makes it sound frivolous, says Daniel O'Connell. But I assure you, it isn't.
I don't know that I approve of crowdfunding, says Gaius. What do you think, Kong?
Kong Fu-Zi considers.
It is good if the intention is noble, says Kong Fu-Zi. But I do not think dancing with spiders is noble.
It is harmonious, says Li Feng.
It is, agrees Ying. And therefore desirable.
You disagree with me, says Kong Fu-Zi. That is good. I like a good argument.
Perhaps you should introduce yourself first, says Gaius.
I should, says Kong Fu-Zi. I am Kong Fu-Zi known in the West as Confucius, here on a visit.
Ha ha, laughs Ying. I don't believe you.
He speaks the truth, says Gaius. He is dressed that way because he is modern, and drinks Rooibos tea.
It's the worst tea I ever tasted, says Li Feng.
Yes, tastes like dirt, says Ying.
Correction, it tastes earthy, says Kong Fu-Zi, and it contains zero caffeine.
That's good, I guess, zero caffeine, says Li Feng.
What about our crowdfunding? says Baby Pierre.
What about it? says Gaius. How far down the track are you?
Nowhere, says Daniel O'Connell. We need someone to make us a video. With me in it, asking for money.
You're very tiny, says Ying. And almost transparent. You won't show up well.
So what? says Daniel O'Connell. For a long time I lived in total darkness. Showing up was not something I needed to know how to do.
He's cute, says Li Feng. Let's help him make a video. Everyone can be in it.
She takes out her iphone.
Ready? Who's going first?
I will, as the Laudably Declarable Model Teacher of Ten Thousand Ages, says Kong Fu-Zi.
He winks at Gaius.
Ew, okay, says Li Feng.
Kong Fu-Zi stands erect in his Hawaiian shirt and drop crotch trousers. He looks imposing.
He takes a harmonious breath.
Eeh-haaaah!
He speaks:
In the spirit of Harmonious Society, in response to increasing social injustice,and inequality, as a result of unchecked economic growth, leading to social conflict, etcetera, we beg your small donation of five or ten dollars towards sending this well-intentioned but penniless spider to the Canaries to teach disadvantaged Black Jumping Spiders non-frivolous dancing. If the target is met, every contributor will receive a free gift, to be revealed in a moment. Now let me introduce.... DANIEL O'CONNELL!
Ee-heh! A free gift! Daniel freezes.
Tuesday, October 4, 2016
Wilderness Peach Stones and Dancing
It is not always possible to avert a coincidence.
Sometimes it is merely postponed.
So when Ying and Li Feng reach Gaius's house late in the evening, and ring his front door bell, in order to deliver Kobo safely home.......
Ding dong!
Gaius: Coming! (opens the door). Good evening, young ladies. Not Mormons, I trust at this hour?
Ying (giggling): No we're not Mormons. We're bringing Kobo home....but, you look ....
Li Feng: Hee hee.
Ying: Shut up Li Feng. What?
Li Feng (whispers ): It's him. The famous natural historian, Bliny the Elder.
Ying: Li Feng!
Lui Feng: Sorry. Did I get his name wrong?
Gaius; Ladies ladies, the night is drawing on. Where is Kobo?
Ying: Here she is.
Kobo: Hello, Gaius. I fear this is somewhat embarrassing.
Gaius: Not at all, Kobo. Ageless has been beside himself. Will you ladies come in?
Ying: Do you remember me?
Gaius (looking closely): Ying! We met in Tasmania! You had just completed your first year of Natural Environment and Wilderness Studies. You accompanied us to Dismal Swamp. You found a fossilised peach stone. You see, I do remember. Come in, both of you.
Ying: It's a bit late but....
Li Feng: Not that late.
They go in.
Kong Fu-Zi is at the kitchen table, with Ageless.
Imagine the reunion.
Kong puts on the kettle. Makes everyone Rooibos tea.
Ageless eyes Kobo.
Will she say it?
You NUDGED me! You made me fall into a handbag. I detest you.
But no. She doesn't say it. Her eyes, which he cannot see, are shining.
She is enchanted by Ying.
Ying, who once found a fossilised peach stone, in Tasmania.
Such a beautiful story.
She has forgotten all else, including Baby Pierre.
.......
Baby Pierre and Daniel O'Connell are on their way home to Gaius's, on the bus.
Daniel O'Connell is excited.
Crowdfunding, says Daniel O'Connell. What a lovely idea that is. Money for the asking.
Sure, says Baby Pierre. It sounds easy.
It does indeed, says Daniel O'Connell. How much do you think I should ask for?
A lot, says Baby Pierre. Because your expenses won't stop when you reach the Canaries.
I see that, says Daniel O'Connell. I'll be schmoozing with the Black Jumping Spiders.
They might like to go dancing, says Baby Pierre.
Oh yes, says Daniel O'Connell. They might like to go dancing.
Sure, says Baby Pierre. So how much will you ask for? Ten thousand?
Yes, says Daniel O'Connell. Ten thousand should do it.
The bus stops at Stop Nine. They get off the bus and walk round the corner.
Ding dong!
Gaius: Now who could that be at this hour? Coming!
Sometimes it is merely postponed.
So when Ying and Li Feng reach Gaius's house late in the evening, and ring his front door bell, in order to deliver Kobo safely home.......
Ding dong!
Gaius: Coming! (opens the door). Good evening, young ladies. Not Mormons, I trust at this hour?
Ying (giggling): No we're not Mormons. We're bringing Kobo home....but, you look ....
Li Feng: Hee hee.
Ying: Shut up Li Feng. What?
Li Feng (whispers ): It's him. The famous natural historian, Bliny the Elder.
Ying: Li Feng!
Lui Feng: Sorry. Did I get his name wrong?
Gaius; Ladies ladies, the night is drawing on. Where is Kobo?
Ying: Here she is.
Kobo: Hello, Gaius. I fear this is somewhat embarrassing.
Gaius: Not at all, Kobo. Ageless has been beside himself. Will you ladies come in?
Ying: Do you remember me?
Gaius (looking closely): Ying! We met in Tasmania! You had just completed your first year of Natural Environment and Wilderness Studies. You accompanied us to Dismal Swamp. You found a fossilised peach stone. You see, I do remember. Come in, both of you.
Ying: It's a bit late but....
Li Feng: Not that late.
They go in.
Kong Fu-Zi is at the kitchen table, with Ageless.
Imagine the reunion.
Kong puts on the kettle. Makes everyone Rooibos tea.
Ageless eyes Kobo.
Will she say it?
You NUDGED me! You made me fall into a handbag. I detest you.
But no. She doesn't say it. Her eyes, which he cannot see, are shining.
She is enchanted by Ying.
Ying, who once found a fossilised peach stone, in Tasmania.
Such a beautiful story.
She has forgotten all else, including Baby Pierre.
.......
Baby Pierre and Daniel O'Connell are on their way home to Gaius's, on the bus.
Daniel O'Connell is excited.
Crowdfunding, says Daniel O'Connell. What a lovely idea that is. Money for the asking.
Sure, says Baby Pierre. It sounds easy.
It does indeed, says Daniel O'Connell. How much do you think I should ask for?
A lot, says Baby Pierre. Because your expenses won't stop when you reach the Canaries.
I see that, says Daniel O'Connell. I'll be schmoozing with the Black Jumping Spiders.
They might like to go dancing, says Baby Pierre.
Oh yes, says Daniel O'Connell. They might like to go dancing.
Sure, says Baby Pierre. So how much will you ask for? Ten thousand?
Yes, says Daniel O'Connell. Ten thousand should do it.
The bus stops at Stop Nine. They get off the bus and walk round the corner.
Ding dong!
Gaius: Now who could that be at this hour? Coming!
A Coincidence Averted
Baby Pierre and Daniel O'Connell are both silent, thinking about male redback spiders mating with immature females.
It makes sense, evolution-wise, says Tullio.
Because redback spiders are BAD! says Baby Pierre.
No, that's not why, says Tullio. The immature females haven't yet learned cannibalistic behaviour.
Let me understand this, says Daniel O'Connell. The male spiders don't get eaten. Okay. And they get to have .... (he looks at baby Pierre)....
Sex, says Baby Pierre. No need to pussy foot. I am a free thinker.
Okay, says Daniel O'Connell. And they get to have sex, but those females can't have any babies.
They do, later, says Tullio. The immature female redback spiders store the sperm in their sperm storage organs. The trick for the male spiders is to know how to pick the right window.
A window! says Baby Pierre. Woohoo!
Not that kind of window, says Daniel O'Connell. A window of opportunity.
So where is it? says Baby Pierre. I'm lost.
The window, says Tullio, is between the time the immature female develops genitalia, and the time she learns how to eat her ....
Boyfriend! says Baby Pierre. It's disgusting! Daniel doesn't want it.
Hang on, says Daniel O'Connell. Doesn't want what?
Research funding, says Baby Pierre. Daniel O'Connell is the Liberator!
True, says Daniel O'Connell. I am. Although..... I believe that the countryside teems with my natural children.
Perhaps you ought to try crowdfunding, says Tullio.
........
Kobo has been found. This is the way that it happened.
Ying reaches into her handbag, to search for her phone.
Her fingers close around something clam-shaped.
A dropped dumpling? No, it's too hard.
Oow! says Kobo as she is lifted out of the handbag and placed on the table, next to a dish of spicy chickens' feet.
Oh! says Ying. You were at the show, sitting next to me! Did you fall into my handbag?
Yes, says Kobo. I thought I had fallen into Margaret's, which is why I remained silent, till now.
A talking clam! says Li Feng. It's the first time I've seen one.
I don't get out much, says Kobo.
Hee hee, laughs Li Feng. She doesn't get out much.
To Kobo, it's not all that funny.
What did you think of Two Dogs? asks Ying.
Absurd yet thought provoking, says Kobo. It challenged the lifestyles and idealistic views of modern China. And of course, it was utterly hilarious.
I thought so too, says Ying.
Me too, says Li Feng, remembering the rude bits.
How will you get home? asks Ying.
I cannot, says Kobo.
May I offer you a lift? asks Ying. I have a bicycle.
It's dark, says Li Feng. I'll come with you. On my bicycle.
So kind of you, says Kobo. I do need to get home. My young nephew....
The young nephew is Baby Pierre.
(not her real nephew)
If Kobo had mentioned the name of her nephew, it would have meant nothing to Ying, but had Kobo mentioned the name of Gaius Plinius Secundus (at whose house she resides) Ying might have remembered that she met Gaius once, in Tasmania, when she was a student....
A coincidence has been averted.
It makes sense, evolution-wise, says Tullio.
Because redback spiders are BAD! says Baby Pierre.
No, that's not why, says Tullio. The immature females haven't yet learned cannibalistic behaviour.
Let me understand this, says Daniel O'Connell. The male spiders don't get eaten. Okay. And they get to have .... (he looks at baby Pierre)....
Sex, says Baby Pierre. No need to pussy foot. I am a free thinker.
Okay, says Daniel O'Connell. And they get to have sex, but those females can't have any babies.
They do, later, says Tullio. The immature female redback spiders store the sperm in their sperm storage organs. The trick for the male spiders is to know how to pick the right window.
A window! says Baby Pierre. Woohoo!
Not that kind of window, says Daniel O'Connell. A window of opportunity.
So where is it? says Baby Pierre. I'm lost.
The window, says Tullio, is between the time the immature female develops genitalia, and the time she learns how to eat her ....
Boyfriend! says Baby Pierre. It's disgusting! Daniel doesn't want it.
Hang on, says Daniel O'Connell. Doesn't want what?
Research funding, says Baby Pierre. Daniel O'Connell is the Liberator!
True, says Daniel O'Connell. I am. Although..... I believe that the countryside teems with my natural children.
Perhaps you ought to try crowdfunding, says Tullio.
........
Kobo has been found. This is the way that it happened.
Ying reaches into her handbag, to search for her phone.
Her fingers close around something clam-shaped.
A dropped dumpling? No, it's too hard.
Oow! says Kobo as she is lifted out of the handbag and placed on the table, next to a dish of spicy chickens' feet.
Oh! says Ying. You were at the show, sitting next to me! Did you fall into my handbag?
Yes, says Kobo. I thought I had fallen into Margaret's, which is why I remained silent, till now.
A talking clam! says Li Feng. It's the first time I've seen one.
I don't get out much, says Kobo.
Hee hee, laughs Li Feng. She doesn't get out much.
To Kobo, it's not all that funny.
What did you think of Two Dogs? asks Ying.
Absurd yet thought provoking, says Kobo. It challenged the lifestyles and idealistic views of modern China. And of course, it was utterly hilarious.
I thought so too, says Ying.
Me too, says Li Feng, remembering the rude bits.
How will you get home? asks Ying.
I cannot, says Kobo.
May I offer you a lift? asks Ying. I have a bicycle.
It's dark, says Li Feng. I'll come with you. On my bicycle.
So kind of you, says Kobo. I do need to get home. My young nephew....
The young nephew is Baby Pierre.
(not her real nephew)
If Kobo had mentioned the name of her nephew, it would have meant nothing to Ying, but had Kobo mentioned the name of Gaius Plinius Secundus (at whose house she resides) Ying might have remembered that she met Gaius once, in Tasmania, when she was a student....
A coincidence has been averted.
Sunday, October 2, 2016
How Far A Spider Will Go
Ying is having dinner at Ding Hao with her friend Li Feng.
They order a bowl of steamed dumplings, as a starter.
She does not yet know she has a fossilised clam in her handbag.
......
Ageless is travelling home on the bus, with Margaret.
I'm sure she'll turn up, says Margaret.
That's what I'm afraid of, says Ageless.
He imagines the scene.
Kobo: Ageless, you bully, you NUDGED me!
Himself: I...clik....urg....rrr.
Kobo: I shall not speak to you again, for...mmmnnnn...... AGES!
Himself: But beloved, I did not mean to, it was because I could not follow the improv!
Kobo (frowning): ............!
The bus stops. Ageless skitters off the bus.
Margaret continues to her stop, which is further.
......
Ageless arrives at Gaius's door.
How was it? asks Gaius. You look grim. Where is Kobo?
Grr.....chh! Lost! grumbles Ageless.
What has happened? asks Kong.
Kobo is lost, says Gaius. That makes three of them.
Who else is lost? asks Ageless lobster.
Baby Pierre and Daniel O'Connell, says Gaius. They failed to return from the boating party.
Ageless is stopped in his tracks.
He turns pale, and unwraps his long scarf with tassels.
His eye stalks wave wildly.
Cup of tea? asks Kong Fu-Zi. Rooibos?
I can recommend it, says Gaius.
Cliiiiik, says Ageless. No tea thanks. Lost! Baby Pierre and Kobo ! My child and my beloved! I blame this on Daniel O'Connell!
.......
Baby Pierre and Daniel O'Connell are with Tullio, in his apartment.
Tullio is giving them tips on How to Apply for Research Funding.
First, says Tullio, decide what you need money for.
That is easy, says Daniel O'Connell. I need money for tickets.
No good, says Tullio. You must explain the research you will be doing and its impact.
That is harder, says Daniel O'Connell.
Not harder, says Baby Pierre. It requires more thinking.
Correct! says Tullio.
Daniel O'Connell is cross. Why does Baby Pierre get the credit?
Next he will be coming up with a proposal.
Daniel O'Connell thinks fast.
My research, says Daniel O'Connell, will be an investigation, into the Black Jumping Spiders of the Canaries.
Into them? says Tullio. That doesn't sound very specific.
Into their biting, says Baby Pierre.
For what purpose? asks Tullio.
To see if they do, says Baby Pierre.
I think that is known already, says Tullio. The ARC will not be interested in that. Let me tell you the sort of thing that gets spider research funding.
Go ahead, says Daniel O'Connell.
A recent study found that male redback spiders evade being cannibalised by mating with immature females, says Tullio.
Who would believe it?
Daniel O'Connell can't believe it. Neither can Baby Pierre.
They order a bowl of steamed dumplings, as a starter.
She does not yet know she has a fossilised clam in her handbag.
......
Ageless is travelling home on the bus, with Margaret.
I'm sure she'll turn up, says Margaret.
That's what I'm afraid of, says Ageless.
He imagines the scene.
Kobo: Ageless, you bully, you NUDGED me!
Himself: I...clik....urg....rrr.
Kobo: I shall not speak to you again, for...mmmnnnn...... AGES!
Himself: But beloved, I did not mean to, it was because I could not follow the improv!
Kobo (frowning): ............!
The bus stops. Ageless skitters off the bus.
Margaret continues to her stop, which is further.
......
Ageless arrives at Gaius's door.
How was it? asks Gaius. You look grim. Where is Kobo?
Grr.....chh! Lost! grumbles Ageless.
What has happened? asks Kong.
Kobo is lost, says Gaius. That makes three of them.
Who else is lost? asks Ageless lobster.
Baby Pierre and Daniel O'Connell, says Gaius. They failed to return from the boating party.
Ageless is stopped in his tracks.
He turns pale, and unwraps his long scarf with tassels.
His eye stalks wave wildly.
Cup of tea? asks Kong Fu-Zi. Rooibos?
I can recommend it, says Gaius.
Cliiiiik, says Ageless. No tea thanks. Lost! Baby Pierre and Kobo ! My child and my beloved! I blame this on Daniel O'Connell!
.......
Baby Pierre and Daniel O'Connell are with Tullio, in his apartment.
Tullio is giving them tips on How to Apply for Research Funding.
First, says Tullio, decide what you need money for.
That is easy, says Daniel O'Connell. I need money for tickets.
No good, says Tullio. You must explain the research you will be doing and its impact.
That is harder, says Daniel O'Connell.
Not harder, says Baby Pierre. It requires more thinking.
Correct! says Tullio.
Daniel O'Connell is cross. Why does Baby Pierre get the credit?
Next he will be coming up with a proposal.
Daniel O'Connell thinks fast.
My research, says Daniel O'Connell, will be an investigation, into the Black Jumping Spiders of the Canaries.
Into them? says Tullio. That doesn't sound very specific.
Into their biting, says Baby Pierre.
For what purpose? asks Tullio.
To see if they do, says Baby Pierre.
I think that is known already, says Tullio. The ARC will not be interested in that. Let me tell you the sort of thing that gets spider research funding.
Go ahead, says Daniel O'Connell.
A recent study found that male redback spiders evade being cannibalised by mating with immature females, says Tullio.
Who would believe it?
Daniel O'Connell can't believe it. Neither can Baby Pierre.
Saturday, October 1, 2016
Comical And Minimally Subversive
Next day, Margaret calls Gaius.
Tonight's show has been cancelled, says Margaret. Would you tell Ageless I'm sorry.
You may tell him yourself, says Gaius. He'll be disappointed. He's busy arranging his scarf.
Ageless scrapes his way to the landline, successfully avoiding his tassels.
Whaa? Clik... rrr. No! Something else then? Clik.... Two Dogs? In Mandarin? I'll ask my beloved. O yes, she is coming....was coming.... unless....hold the line will you, grk.
Ageless calls to his beloved, without moving: Kobo my crumb! Change of plan! Not the Shakespeare. No. Two Dogs! In Mandarin language. Will you go?
Kobo: Of course dear. I speak fluent....
Ageless (to Margaret): She will go. She speaks fluent.
Margaret: I only have two tickets.
Ageless: Kobo will sit in your.... shh....handbag.
Kobo: I HEARD THAT! A handbag won't do.
.....
Later, at Her Majesty's Theatre.
Margaret has seats in the front row.
Beside her, Ageless shares a seat with Kobo, who has refused to get into the handbag.
Ageless takes his scarf off, because it is warm.
The young woman on Ageless's left realises she is next to a lobster, and is nonplussed for a moment.
Aiye!
But then, this is an absurdist comedy, from mainland China, and this is the front row. It is only what you might expect. Ying relaxes, and takes her phone out of her handbag.
The show starts with a loud electronic twanging.
The Two Dogs come on, to tell their comical and minimally subversive story.
They dream of blue sky, green earth, they dream of a better life in the city .....they improvise.
There are no subtitles during the improvisation.
The improvisation is long.
Ageless can tell it is funny because Kobo is laughing.
He nudges Kobo. Too hard. She rolls forward and falls into a handbag.
Ageless is stricken. His beloved has fallen into a handbag.
And now what is this? The Two Dogs are coming down from the stage and collecting the handbags.
The audience laughs. Margaret's handbag, and Ying's handbag, are taken, and placed on the stage.
There is a long row of handbags.
The Two Dogs become security guards, and start singing.
Later, one Dog pretends to kill himself. Ka-choong! Ahh!
One of the handbags moves, ever so slightly.
Ageless cringes.
When Two Dogs is over, there will be hell to pay.
......
That was nice, says Margaret. I enjoyed watching that with all the Chinese people laughing, even when I couldn't understand what the actors were saying. How did you like it, Ageless?
Grrr... says Ageless. I feared for my Kobo when she fell into a handbag.
My lord! Did she? says Margaret. Was it my handbag? Is she still there?
Margaret opens her handbag, which was returned at the end of the show.
She looks inside it, but she doesn't see Kobo.
Wouldn't it be funny if Kobo had fallen into Ying's handbag.
That could have happened.
It's a comedy. You never know.
Tonight's show has been cancelled, says Margaret. Would you tell Ageless I'm sorry.
You may tell him yourself, says Gaius. He'll be disappointed. He's busy arranging his scarf.
Ageless scrapes his way to the landline, successfully avoiding his tassels.
Whaa? Clik... rrr. No! Something else then? Clik.... Two Dogs? In Mandarin? I'll ask my beloved. O yes, she is coming....was coming.... unless....hold the line will you, grk.
Ageless calls to his beloved, without moving: Kobo my crumb! Change of plan! Not the Shakespeare. No. Two Dogs! In Mandarin language. Will you go?
Kobo: Of course dear. I speak fluent....
Ageless (to Margaret): She will go. She speaks fluent.
Margaret: I only have two tickets.
Ageless: Kobo will sit in your.... shh....handbag.
Kobo: I HEARD THAT! A handbag won't do.
.....
Later, at Her Majesty's Theatre.
Margaret has seats in the front row.
Beside her, Ageless shares a seat with Kobo, who has refused to get into the handbag.
Ageless takes his scarf off, because it is warm.
The young woman on Ageless's left realises she is next to a lobster, and is nonplussed for a moment.
Aiye!
But then, this is an absurdist comedy, from mainland China, and this is the front row. It is only what you might expect. Ying relaxes, and takes her phone out of her handbag.
The show starts with a loud electronic twanging.
The Two Dogs come on, to tell their comical and minimally subversive story.
They dream of blue sky, green earth, they dream of a better life in the city .....they improvise.
There are no subtitles during the improvisation.
The improvisation is long.
Ageless can tell it is funny because Kobo is laughing.
He nudges Kobo. Too hard. She rolls forward and falls into a handbag.
Ageless is stricken. His beloved has fallen into a handbag.
And now what is this? The Two Dogs are coming down from the stage and collecting the handbags.
The audience laughs. Margaret's handbag, and Ying's handbag, are taken, and placed on the stage.
There is a long row of handbags.
The Two Dogs become security guards, and start singing.
Later, one Dog pretends to kill himself. Ka-choong! Ahh!
One of the handbags moves, ever so slightly.
Ageless cringes.
When Two Dogs is over, there will be hell to pay.
......
That was nice, says Margaret. I enjoyed watching that with all the Chinese people laughing, even when I couldn't understand what the actors were saying. How did you like it, Ageless?
Grrr... says Ageless. I feared for my Kobo when she fell into a handbag.
My lord! Did she? says Margaret. Was it my handbag? Is she still there?
Margaret opens her handbag, which was returned at the end of the show.
She looks inside it, but she doesn't see Kobo.
Wouldn't it be funny if Kobo had fallen into Ying's handbag.
That could have happened.
It's a comedy. You never know.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
