Spirit Of Harmonious Society

Baby Pierre and Daniel O'Connell come in.

Excellent! says Gaius. All three of the lost are accounted for.

We weren't lost, says Baby Pierre. We were with Tullio.

They are now in the kitchen.

Ageless looks up from where he has been skulking,

Any luck with the funding? asks Ageless.

To be sure, says Daniel O'Connell. We're doing crowdfunding. We're asking ten thousand.

Dollars? asks Ying. That's a lot of money! What's your project?

A big one, says Baby Pierre. Going to the Canaries, and then, dancing with spiders.

He makes it sound frivolous, says Daniel O'Connell. But I assure you, it isn't.

I don't know that I approve of crowdfunding, says Gaius. What do you think, Kong?

Kong Fu-Zi considers.

It is good if the intention is noble, says Kong Fu-Zi. But I do not think dancing with spiders is noble.

It is harmonious, says Li Feng.

It is, agrees Ying. And therefore desirable.

You disagree with me, says Kong Fu-Zi. That is good. I like a good argument.

Perhaps you should introduce yourself first, says Gaius.

I should, says Kong Fu-Zi. I am Kong Fu-Zi  known in the West as Confucius, here on a visit.

Ha ha, laughs Ying. I don't believe you.

He speaks the truth, says Gaius. He is dressed that way because he is modern, and drinks Rooibos tea.

It's the worst tea I ever tasted, says Li Feng.

Yes, tastes like dirt, says Ying.

Correction, it tastes earthy, says Kong Fu-Zi, and it contains zero caffeine.

That's good, I guess, zero caffeine, says Li Feng.

What about our crowdfunding? says Baby Pierre.

What about it? says Gaius. How far down the track are you?

Nowhere, says Daniel O'Connell. We need someone to make us a video. With me in it, asking for money.

You're very tiny, says Ying. And almost transparent. You won't show up well.

So what? says Daniel O'Connell. For a long time I lived in total darkness. Showing up was not something I needed to know how to do.

He's cute, says Li Feng. Let's help him make a video. Everyone can be in it.

She takes out her iphone.

Ready? Who's going first?

I will, as the Laudably Declarable Model Teacher of Ten Thousand Ages, says Kong Fu-Zi.

He winks at Gaius.

Ew, okay, says Li Feng.

Kong Fu-Zi stands erect in his Hawaiian shirt and drop crotch trousers. He looks imposing.

He takes a harmonious breath.

Eeh-haaaah!

He speaks:

In the spirit of Harmonious Society, in response to increasing social injustice,and inequality, as a result of unchecked economic growth, leading to social conflict, etcetera, we beg your small donation of five or ten dollars towards sending this well-intentioned but penniless spider to the Canaries to teach disadvantaged Black Jumping Spiders non-frivolous dancing. If the target is met, every contributor will receive a free gift, to be revealed in a moment. Now let me introduce.... DANIEL O'CONNELL!

Ee-heh! A free gift! Daniel freezes.