It's half an hour on the bus from Las Palmas to the Caldera Bandama.
Terence and the Pesquet are up at the front near the driver.
On holiday? asks the driver.
Yes, says Terence. This is my parrot. We're going into a volcano.
I hope you won't be disappointed, says the driver.
Mid bus, Sweezus stares out of the window.
Mountains, ravines, palm trees, dragon trees, dust.
Looks a bit windy, says Sweezus.
Does it? says Gaius. Indeed, yes it does.
What's our plan? asks Sweezus.
Examine the floor of the crater, says Gaius. Check for loxosceles under rocks and in crannies. I trust you have come prepared?
Yeah, says Sweezus. Got my iphone.
Specimen box, says Gaius. Sensible shoes.
Yeah, says Sweezus.
(as if Havaianas are sensible shoes).
Hat, says Gaius.
Sweezus, doesn't bother to answer.
The bus stops not far from the trail leading to the Caldera.
The loxosceles search team jump out.
Now, says Gaius. Look for a sign post saying 'Camino fondo de caldera'. That's the one we want.
Sweezus spots it. They commence walking down.
It's a rapid descent of 1,264 metres, slippery with volcanic gravel.
Terence starts sliding.
Stop! yells Sweezus.
Can't! cries Terence. I'm just keeping on going!
Sit down!
Terence sits down and continues his slide to the floor of the volcanic crater.
Gaius stops to turn over a rock.
But any spiders have long gone.
Gaius reaches for his notebook.
Sweezus picks up speed, trying not to lose sight of Terence.
His Havaianas act like twin surfboards. Coolio!
Minutes later, he reaches the bottom.
Terence is already there, along with the Pesquet, who flew.
Terence is being lectured by a tourist wearing a sun hat,
I had a sun hat, says Terence. But I got teased. And it's not sunny.
True, at the bottom it's not sunny
You still need a sun hat, says the tourist. You'll be going back up again.
Hi, says Sweezus. You guys were like, super fast getting down here.
Is he yours? asks the tourist.
Yes, says Terence.
This is the answer to what Terence thought the tourist was asking.
Sweezus would have said no.
Awesome down here, says Sweezus. Volcano. Makes you kind of, you know....
It's 2000 years old, says the tourist.
Shit! Is that all? says Sweezus.
I'm not allowed to say that, says Terence.
Me either, says the Pesquet.
It formed when a fissure opened up between two ravines, says the tourist. Spewed out ash and volcanic slag. And see that there? That's the remains of an old threshing circle. Shows people once farmed here.
Yeah right, says Sweezus.
What an arsehole this tourist is. He won't shut up. Just keeps on talking.
The Caldera Bandama was named after a Flemish merchant, Daniel van Damme. Van Damme, get it?
Yeah, that actor, says Sweezus.
But even this doesn't stop him.
No, I believe van Damme settled here and planted vineyards......
Saturday, December 31, 2016
Friday, December 30, 2016
I Know It's Not Banana
Arthur knocks. Ying opens.
Where've you been? asks Ying.
Nowhere, says Arthur.
Well, Terence turned up with the parrot. They thought we had presents. How come they thought that?
It's not my fault if you didn't have presents, says Arthur. It was Sweezus's birthday as well.
Yeah, we know that, says Ying. It doesn't matter. But the plans have changed now.
Let me guess. Has Gaius gone to Caldera de Banana? asks Arthur. Who'd he take with him?
Terence, says Ying. That's his present. And it's not Banana.
Arthur knows it's not Banana. But he feels light in the head.
Where's Sweezus? asks Arthur.
He went with them, says Ying. It's you, me and Kong now. And they left the spider, and Baby Pierre, but I'm not sure where he is....
What sort of a present is that? mumbles Arthur.
It's not your present, says Ying. We'll just make the best of it. How about in the morning, we all go shopping?
I never go shopping, says Arthur.
For postcards, says Ying. Remember?
Arthur does remember.....how could he forget......he keeps on being reminded.
He flops down on a white couch thing, and crashes....
Ying goes back to bed.
Kong blows out his simple candle....only kidding....
Outside in the blue spangled palm tree, the Pesquet parents are sleeping.
But earlier, before all this happened, this happened.
Terence and the young Pesquet had found Hotel Parque. Had asked at reception. Had learned Gaius' room number. Had gone up the stairs, because the Pesquet won't travel in lifts. Had stomped on a couple of spiders. Had knocked on the door.
Gaius had opened.
Terence! says Gaius. And what's this? A Psittrichas fulgidus!
My parrot, says Terence. Where's Sweezus? Has he got my present?
Our present, says the Pesquet.
Sweezus! calls Gaius. Do you have presents?
Sweezus comes out of the bathroom. Terence! Good to see you! No, no presents.
Wah! says Terence. Arthur SAID.
Terence weeps loudly, overdoing it. The Pesquet looks embarrassed.
Where is Arthur? asks Gaius.
Sitting on a thing, sniffs Terence.
I can't wait around for Arthur, says Gaius. And I'm not taking Kong to Caldera de Bandama.
Thank you, dear friend, says Kong. I had no intention of going.
So Sweezus will come with me, says Gaius. And Terence may come too, as a compensatory present.
And me, says the Pesquet.
Certainly, says Gaius. Is everyone happy?
Everyone looks reasonably happy, other than Sweezus.
Where've you been? asks Ying.
Nowhere, says Arthur.
Well, Terence turned up with the parrot. They thought we had presents. How come they thought that?
It's not my fault if you didn't have presents, says Arthur. It was Sweezus's birthday as well.
Yeah, we know that, says Ying. It doesn't matter. But the plans have changed now.
Let me guess. Has Gaius gone to Caldera de Banana? asks Arthur. Who'd he take with him?
Terence, says Ying. That's his present. And it's not Banana.
Arthur knows it's not Banana. But he feels light in the head.
Where's Sweezus? asks Arthur.
He went with them, says Ying. It's you, me and Kong now. And they left the spider, and Baby Pierre, but I'm not sure where he is....
What sort of a present is that? mumbles Arthur.
It's not your present, says Ying. We'll just make the best of it. How about in the morning, we all go shopping?
I never go shopping, says Arthur.
For postcards, says Ying. Remember?
Arthur does remember.....how could he forget......he keeps on being reminded.
He flops down on a white couch thing, and crashes....
Ying goes back to bed.
Kong blows out his simple candle....only kidding....
Outside in the blue spangled palm tree, the Pesquet parents are sleeping.
But earlier, before all this happened, this happened.
Terence and the young Pesquet had found Hotel Parque. Had asked at reception. Had learned Gaius' room number. Had gone up the stairs, because the Pesquet won't travel in lifts. Had stomped on a couple of spiders. Had knocked on the door.
Gaius had opened.
Terence! says Gaius. And what's this? A Psittrichas fulgidus!
My parrot, says Terence. Where's Sweezus? Has he got my present?
Our present, says the Pesquet.
Sweezus! calls Gaius. Do you have presents?
Sweezus comes out of the bathroom. Terence! Good to see you! No, no presents.
Wah! says Terence. Arthur SAID.
Terence weeps loudly, overdoing it. The Pesquet looks embarrassed.
Where is Arthur? asks Gaius.
Sitting on a thing, sniffs Terence.
I can't wait around for Arthur, says Gaius. And I'm not taking Kong to Caldera de Bandama.
Thank you, dear friend, says Kong. I had no intention of going.
So Sweezus will come with me, says Gaius. And Terence may come too, as a compensatory present.
And me, says the Pesquet.
Certainly, says Gaius. Is everyone happy?
Everyone looks reasonably happy, other than Sweezus.
Thursday, December 29, 2016
Nose Holes Red Eyes Blue Spangles
But Arthur has not stopped at the hotel bar downstairs.
He has kept going.
To go on a bus with Gaius, to Caldera de Bandama, dragging Daniel O'Connell?
Merde! He pictures his fate. Searching for lost pencils. Listening to sententious drivel.
He walks down to the esplanade and back around the marina.
He sits down on a bollard.
The dust is clearing. Another ferry is docking.
He watches some people get off.
He is surprised to see Terence and the Pesquet among them.
The Pesquet flies up to perch in a palm tree.
Terence looks sad.
Terence stands on the quay, looking up at the Pesquet.
Arthur goes over.
Hello, kid.
Arthur! cries Terence. I went on the ferry!
Did you like it? asks Arthur.
Yes, says Terence. No! I missed getting a present. Did you get me one?
No, says Arthur. Maybe Sweezus did.
Cruel. He knows Sweezus didn't.
Yay! says Terence. Where is he?
Hotel Parque, says Arthur. It's along there a bit. The name's on the front in big letters.
Pesky! cries Terence. We've got presents!
Down flies the young Pesquet, excited.
Are you coming, Arthur? asks Terence.
Later, says Arthur. You go.
Terence and the Pesquet head off in the direction of Hotel Parque, to get their presents.
Arthur stays sitting.
And so the following was bound to happen and is not a coincidence.
Mother and Father Pesquet land on the quay, beside the ferry.
Phew! says Father Pesquet, snorting out dust from his nose holes (if he has them)
Look, says Mother Pesquet. We're in luck. That's Blue Eyes!
She's spotted Arthur.
Up in the tree! Quick! squawks Father Pesquet.
It's the same tree that Pesky has only just vacated.
Mother Pesquet sniffs through her nose holes (if she has them).
All right dear? asks Father Pesquet.
It smells like Pesky, says Mother. I'm sure he's been here.
We'll wait here until Blue Eyes moves, says Father Pesquet. Then follow him.
It's a good plan but Arthur isn't going back to Hotel Parque yet.
He's had an idea.
The idea is to go to a bar and stay there until late in the evening,
By which time Gaius will have set off with someone else to Caldera Bandama.
at ten pm the thought comes to him that he ought to have done many things that afternoon that he didn't do but what were they.....
at midnight he stumbles back to the hotel parque, it's magical, the palm trees are dotted with blue spangles and as he looks up he thinks he sees four red eyes blinking ......
He has kept going.
To go on a bus with Gaius, to Caldera de Bandama, dragging Daniel O'Connell?
Merde! He pictures his fate. Searching for lost pencils. Listening to sententious drivel.
He walks down to the esplanade and back around the marina.
He sits down on a bollard.
The dust is clearing. Another ferry is docking.
He watches some people get off.
He is surprised to see Terence and the Pesquet among them.
The Pesquet flies up to perch in a palm tree.
Terence looks sad.
Terence stands on the quay, looking up at the Pesquet.
Arthur goes over.
Hello, kid.
Arthur! cries Terence. I went on the ferry!
Did you like it? asks Arthur.
Yes, says Terence. No! I missed getting a present. Did you get me one?
No, says Arthur. Maybe Sweezus did.
Cruel. He knows Sweezus didn't.
Yay! says Terence. Where is he?
Hotel Parque, says Arthur. It's along there a bit. The name's on the front in big letters.
Pesky! cries Terence. We've got presents!
Down flies the young Pesquet, excited.
Are you coming, Arthur? asks Terence.
Later, says Arthur. You go.
Terence and the Pesquet head off in the direction of Hotel Parque, to get their presents.
Arthur stays sitting.
And so the following was bound to happen and is not a coincidence.
Mother and Father Pesquet land on the quay, beside the ferry.
Phew! says Father Pesquet, snorting out dust from his nose holes (if he has them)
Look, says Mother Pesquet. We're in luck. That's Blue Eyes!
She's spotted Arthur.
Up in the tree! Quick! squawks Father Pesquet.
It's the same tree that Pesky has only just vacated.
Mother Pesquet sniffs through her nose holes (if she has them).
All right dear? asks Father Pesquet.
It smells like Pesky, says Mother. I'm sure he's been here.
We'll wait here until Blue Eyes moves, says Father Pesquet. Then follow him.
It's a good plan but Arthur isn't going back to Hotel Parque yet.
He's had an idea.
The idea is to go to a bar and stay there until late in the evening,
By which time Gaius will have set off with someone else to Caldera Bandama.
at ten pm the thought comes to him that he ought to have done many things that afternoon that he didn't do but what were they.....
at midnight he stumbles back to the hotel parque, it's magical, the palm trees are dotted with blue spangles and as he looks up he thinks he sees four red eyes blinking ......
Wednesday, December 28, 2016
Women Are Strange
Gaius and Kong are in their hotel room.
Gaius is telling Kong a fact about women and spiders.
''There is a type of spider that has a very large head. If you cut it open you will find two small worms inside. If these are wrapped in deer hide and applied to a woman, she will not conceive."
While I'm not surprised, says Kong, I find it difficult to imagine the circumstances.
Gaius admits that he finds the same difficulty.
Women are strange.
Gaius's phone rings. It's Ying.
Surprise! says Ying. We're in Las Palmas. Where are you staying?
Hotel Parque, says Gaius. Is Arthur with you?
Yes, and Sweezus, says Ying. Stay there, we're coming over. See you soon.
Arthur's coming, says Gaius. You'll be relieved to know that.
I am, says Kong. He can write up your notes while I concentrate on my poem.
Arthur doesn't write notes, says Gaius. He is useful in other ways. For example, finding pencils and other sharp objects, and gaining entry to prohibited places.
I can do th....begins Kong. (But would he want to?)
What poem? asks Gaius.
It's not really mine, says Kong modestly. It's called Waiting In Vain For My Friend Ding. I'm attempting to reproduce it. Birds have settled in their perches, in the quiet mist, but what comes after?
No one has ever surpassed Virgil, says Gaius. "When evening steals the colour from the trees"..... is that not a fine observation?
Very fine, agrees Kong. But I do prefer colour.
You misunderstand, says Gaius. A feeling of sadness is produced by the fading of colour, in the evening.
I'm waiting for you, playing a lute under a wayside vine. That's true sadness, says Kong,
What? says Gaius.
Fortunately, some time has now passed.
Knock knock!
It's so dusty outside, says Ying. I thought Gran Canaria was supposed to have a nice climate.
Yeah, says Sweezus. It sucks.
Nonsense, says Gaius. We'll be far too busy to worry about a few grains of dust. We must locate Loxosceles as soon as possible. I'm dividing us up into groups.
Arthur already knows which group he'll be in.
Sweezus and Ying, you search Parque San Telmo. Arthur and I will take a bus to La Caldera de Bandama.
And me? says Kong.
You can have the day off, says Gaius. Ha ha. Only joking. You can search the hotel rooms with Baby Pierre. Daniel O'Connell will come with me and Arthur. He needs the fresh air.
Brilliant! says Ying. We only just got here. How about a drink or something?
Cool, says Sweezus. Meet you downstairs.
He backs out of the door, almost tripping over Arthur, who has already beaten him to it.
Gaius is telling Kong a fact about women and spiders.
''There is a type of spider that has a very large head. If you cut it open you will find two small worms inside. If these are wrapped in deer hide and applied to a woman, she will not conceive."
While I'm not surprised, says Kong, I find it difficult to imagine the circumstances.
Gaius admits that he finds the same difficulty.
Women are strange.
Gaius's phone rings. It's Ying.
Surprise! says Ying. We're in Las Palmas. Where are you staying?
Hotel Parque, says Gaius. Is Arthur with you?
Yes, and Sweezus, says Ying. Stay there, we're coming over. See you soon.
Arthur's coming, says Gaius. You'll be relieved to know that.
I am, says Kong. He can write up your notes while I concentrate on my poem.
Arthur doesn't write notes, says Gaius. He is useful in other ways. For example, finding pencils and other sharp objects, and gaining entry to prohibited places.
I can do th....begins Kong. (But would he want to?)
What poem? asks Gaius.
It's not really mine, says Kong modestly. It's called Waiting In Vain For My Friend Ding. I'm attempting to reproduce it. Birds have settled in their perches, in the quiet mist, but what comes after?
No one has ever surpassed Virgil, says Gaius. "When evening steals the colour from the trees"..... is that not a fine observation?
Very fine, agrees Kong. But I do prefer colour.
You misunderstand, says Gaius. A feeling of sadness is produced by the fading of colour, in the evening.
I'm waiting for you, playing a lute under a wayside vine. That's true sadness, says Kong,
What? says Gaius.
Fortunately, some time has now passed.
Knock knock!
It's so dusty outside, says Ying. I thought Gran Canaria was supposed to have a nice climate.
Yeah, says Sweezus. It sucks.
Nonsense, says Gaius. We'll be far too busy to worry about a few grains of dust. We must locate Loxosceles as soon as possible. I'm dividing us up into groups.
Arthur already knows which group he'll be in.
Sweezus and Ying, you search Parque San Telmo. Arthur and I will take a bus to La Caldera de Bandama.
And me? says Kong.
You can have the day off, says Gaius. Ha ha. Only joking. You can search the hotel rooms with Baby Pierre. Daniel O'Connell will come with me and Arthur. He needs the fresh air.
Brilliant! says Ying. We only just got here. How about a drink or something?
Cool, says Sweezus. Meet you downstairs.
He backs out of the door, almost tripping over Arthur, who has already beaten him to it.
Tuesday, December 27, 2016
Freedom And Why It's Lucky
Terence has marched onto the ferry.
No one has stopped him. Who would?
The Pesquet has perched on the railing.
Toot! Toot! The ferry departs for Las Palmas.
Nina waves. So does Feebee.
Goodbye!
Now, says Terence.
What? asks the Pesquet.
We're free, says Terence. Free to walk round the ferry.
You go, says the Pesquet. I'll stay here on the railing. I'm just getting my sea legs.
I want sea legs, says Terence.
You already have sea legs, says the Pesquet.
No, I don't, says Terence. What do they look like?
Legs, says the Pesquet. They help you to balance. But you can balance already.
Okay, says Terence. I believe you. You're the parrot.
Terence walks around a bit. Yes, he can already balance. He sticks his head through the railing.
Woo! Look at the sea. It's got white foamy bubbles. Hey! A piece of tinsel floats by.
Look, Pesky!
Tinsel, says the Pesquet. From somebody's Christmas.
Christmas! says Terence. Is it Christmas?
Not now, says the Pesquet. You missed it.
Terence looks glum. He missed it.
Never mind, says the Pesquet.
Did you get me a present? asks Terence.
Did you get me one? asks the Pesquet.
It's good to counter a question with a question.
Who normally gives you presents? asks the Pesquet.
Grandpa Marx, says Terence. Who gives you presents?
No one, says the Pesquet.
Now he is the one who looks glum.
Terence is not sympathetic.
He's going to walk right round the ferry.
If Pesky wants to come with him, he can.
Coming? says Terence.
They walk round the ferry.
They don't know how lucky they are.
This is why.
The Calima is coming. Dust from the Sahara blowing over towards Gran Canaria.
It's blowing right now.
Visibility is poor. Mother and Father Pesquet have dropped so far behind the earlier ferry that they are now flying low over this one.
On a clear day they would easily spot their son, Pesky, on the deck of the ferry.
Mother Pesquet squints down.
All she sees is the intermittent shape of a ferry, and behind, in its wake, on and off, the faint glimmer of tinsel.
That's why it's lucky.
No one has stopped him. Who would?
The Pesquet has perched on the railing.
Toot! Toot! The ferry departs for Las Palmas.
Nina waves. So does Feebee.
Goodbye!
Now, says Terence.
What? asks the Pesquet.
We're free, says Terence. Free to walk round the ferry.
You go, says the Pesquet. I'll stay here on the railing. I'm just getting my sea legs.
I want sea legs, says Terence.
You already have sea legs, says the Pesquet.
No, I don't, says Terence. What do they look like?
Legs, says the Pesquet. They help you to balance. But you can balance already.
Okay, says Terence. I believe you. You're the parrot.
Terence walks around a bit. Yes, he can already balance. He sticks his head through the railing.
Woo! Look at the sea. It's got white foamy bubbles. Hey! A piece of tinsel floats by.
Look, Pesky!
Tinsel, says the Pesquet. From somebody's Christmas.
Christmas! says Terence. Is it Christmas?
Not now, says the Pesquet. You missed it.
Terence looks glum. He missed it.
Never mind, says the Pesquet.
Did you get me a present? asks Terence.
Did you get me one? asks the Pesquet.
It's good to counter a question with a question.
Who normally gives you presents? asks the Pesquet.
Grandpa Marx, says Terence. Who gives you presents?
No one, says the Pesquet.
Now he is the one who looks glum.
Terence is not sympathetic.
He's going to walk right round the ferry.
If Pesky wants to come with him, he can.
Coming? says Terence.
They walk round the ferry.
They don't know how lucky they are.
This is why.
The Calima is coming. Dust from the Sahara blowing over towards Gran Canaria.
It's blowing right now.
Visibility is poor. Mother and Father Pesquet have dropped so far behind the earlier ferry that they are now flying low over this one.
On a clear day they would easily spot their son, Pesky, on the deck of the ferry.
Mother Pesquet squints down.
All she sees is the intermittent shape of a ferry, and behind, in its wake, on and off, the faint glimmer of tinsel.
That's why it's lucky.
Monday, December 26, 2016
We Only Bite Visitors
Gaius and Kong peer in at Daniel O'Connell.
He is not breathing.
This is not bad in itself, says Gaius.
It isn't? says Kong.
No, says Gaius. Spiders don't breathe like we do. They breathe through their skin on the underside.
Should I roll him over? asks Kong.
Unnecessary, says Gaius. To breathe, a spider must be moving. But as they need very little oxygen, they can go for hours, even days, without breathing.
Daniel O'Connell, not dead and not breathing, sits up.
You'd know all about it, says Daniel O'Connell.
I never stop gathering information, says Gaius.
Very commendable, says Kong. Like Aristotle.
Don't speak to me of Aristotle, says Gaius. On spiders, Aristotle was wrong.
Since no one, not Kong, Baby Pierre or Daniel O'Connell, knows otherwise, Aristotle is here the loser.
Now, says Gaius. Are you up to a search of the corridors?
Yes, says Daniel O'Connell. What are we looking for?
Loxosceles, says Gaius. The new endemic species. And what do they look like? Refresh our memories, Kong.
Kong takes out his notes,
SMALL BROWN SPIDERS, ACTIVE AT NIGHT, CAN CAUSE SEVERE BITES, HAVE THREE PAIRS OF EYES DISTRIBUTED IN TRIANGULAR FORM, DIFFERENT REPRODUCTIVE ORGANS.
That's disappointing, says Daniel O'Connell.
NOT NORMALLY FOUND IN URBAN AREAS....
Then there's no point looking, says Daniel O'Connell. Put me back in my scented paradise.
I'll go looking, says Baby Pierre.
He rolls out of the hotel room, and down the dark hotel corridor.
Baby Pierre is on his own again, his own master.
If only he had something to poke into corners.
Ha! a sealed room. A door crack. He tries to look under.
But the door crack is long thin and horizontal.
He rolls on till he comes to the stairs.
In the corner of one of the risers is an untidy web with a funnel in the centre.
A female spider is poking her head out.
Below her a male spider sings by scraping his legs over his abdomen.
It sounds lovely to her.
Baby Pierre stops to listen.
The male spider stops scraping.
Hello, says Baby Pierre. Are you Loxosceles?
Steodata nobilis, says the female. False widow. We only bite visitors,
Baby Pierre rolls rapidly backwards all the way to the hotel room.
Anything? asks Kong.
Nothing, says Baby Pierre.
He is not breathing.
This is not bad in itself, says Gaius.
It isn't? says Kong.
No, says Gaius. Spiders don't breathe like we do. They breathe through their skin on the underside.
Should I roll him over? asks Kong.
Unnecessary, says Gaius. To breathe, a spider must be moving. But as they need very little oxygen, they can go for hours, even days, without breathing.
Daniel O'Connell, not dead and not breathing, sits up.
You'd know all about it, says Daniel O'Connell.
I never stop gathering information, says Gaius.
Very commendable, says Kong. Like Aristotle.
Don't speak to me of Aristotle, says Gaius. On spiders, Aristotle was wrong.
Since no one, not Kong, Baby Pierre or Daniel O'Connell, knows otherwise, Aristotle is here the loser.
Now, says Gaius. Are you up to a search of the corridors?
Yes, says Daniel O'Connell. What are we looking for?
Loxosceles, says Gaius. The new endemic species. And what do they look like? Refresh our memories, Kong.
Kong takes out his notes,
SMALL BROWN SPIDERS, ACTIVE AT NIGHT, CAN CAUSE SEVERE BITES, HAVE THREE PAIRS OF EYES DISTRIBUTED IN TRIANGULAR FORM, DIFFERENT REPRODUCTIVE ORGANS.
That's disappointing, says Daniel O'Connell.
NOT NORMALLY FOUND IN URBAN AREAS....
Then there's no point looking, says Daniel O'Connell. Put me back in my scented paradise.
I'll go looking, says Baby Pierre.
He rolls out of the hotel room, and down the dark hotel corridor.
Baby Pierre is on his own again, his own master.
If only he had something to poke into corners.
Ha! a sealed room. A door crack. He tries to look under.
But the door crack is long thin and horizontal.
He rolls on till he comes to the stairs.
In the corner of one of the risers is an untidy web with a funnel in the centre.
A female spider is poking her head out.
Below her a male spider sings by scraping his legs over his abdomen.
It sounds lovely to her.
Baby Pierre stops to listen.
The male spider stops scraping.
Hello, says Baby Pierre. Are you Loxosceles?
Steodata nobilis, says the female. False widow. We only bite visitors,
Baby Pierre rolls rapidly backwards all the way to the hotel room.
Anything? asks Kong.
Nothing, says Baby Pierre.
Sunday, December 25, 2016
Dead Even
Terence is back at Maricruz's house with Nina and Feebee, and the young Pesquet's parrot.
Maricruz is asking where they have been.
We went to Parque Loro, says Nina.
Terence rescued a parrot, says Feebee.
That's me, says the Pesquet.
Did you want to be rescued? asks Maricruz.
I agreed to be rescued, says the Pesquet. It's not quite the same thing. It remains to be seen whether I want to stay rescued. But I do have a dream.
So do I, says Terence.
What is your dream? asks Nina.
To go on a ferry, says Terence.
You gave up that dream to rescue the parrot, says Nina.
No I didn't, says Terence. I'm doing that next, and my parrot will take me.
The Pesquet is taken aback by this claim.
He is just a young parrot. It's his first day away from home. He misses his mother and father, and Enrico.
Balus bugarup!
Guess what that means.
.......
Sweezus, Arthur and Ying have boarded the ferry from Santa Cruz to Las Palmas.
They stand near the railing. The sea churns. Two black and red parrots fly overhead.
Sweezus is on his phone, checking out beaches.
Las Palmas, a coral barrier lines the beach and shelters swimmers. Fuck that!
Sounds nice, says Ying. Perhaps I'll go swimming.
No wait, says Sweezus. El Confital! Wild, rough and rugged.
Maybe after we meet up with Gaius, says Ying.
Mother Pesquet alights on the railing, next to Arthur.
Baleful vulturine eyes stare into blue eyes.
Blue eyes reach into their pocket, and pull out two sea urchin spines.
Mother Pesquet retreats to join Father.
I don't trust that blue-eyed one. And no sign of dear Pesky, she sighs.
Patience. They will lead us to him, says Father. We must follow in their wake.
The sea churns. The vulturine parrots fly in the wake of the ferry.
A few passengers are mildly surprised. The ones that expected to see seagulls.
........
Gaius and Kong have arrived at the hotel Kong booked them into.
Hotel Parque, near Parque San Telmo.
I thought, says Kong, since it was near a park and a bus station, it would suit us.
Good thinking, Kong, says Gaius. But before we go anywhere, we should search the corridors for spiders.
And other dark places, says Kong. Sealed rooms for example.
Yes, says Gaius. Let Daniel O'Connell out, will you.
Kong open the red Maja box.
The spicy soap scent wafts upwards.
At last! says Baby Pierre. It's been no fun in here.
I didn't know you were in there, says Kong. Glad to see you. Is Daniel O'Connell asleep?
Dead to the world, says Baby Pierre. Or dead, even.
Let us hope there's a difference.
Maricruz is asking where they have been.
We went to Parque Loro, says Nina.
Terence rescued a parrot, says Feebee.
That's me, says the Pesquet.
Did you want to be rescued? asks Maricruz.
I agreed to be rescued, says the Pesquet. It's not quite the same thing. It remains to be seen whether I want to stay rescued. But I do have a dream.
So do I, says Terence.
What is your dream? asks Nina.
To go on a ferry, says Terence.
You gave up that dream to rescue the parrot, says Nina.
No I didn't, says Terence. I'm doing that next, and my parrot will take me.
The Pesquet is taken aback by this claim.
He is just a young parrot. It's his first day away from home. He misses his mother and father, and Enrico.
Balus bugarup!
Guess what that means.
.......
Sweezus, Arthur and Ying have boarded the ferry from Santa Cruz to Las Palmas.
They stand near the railing. The sea churns. Two black and red parrots fly overhead.
Sweezus is on his phone, checking out beaches.
Las Palmas, a coral barrier lines the beach and shelters swimmers. Fuck that!
Sounds nice, says Ying. Perhaps I'll go swimming.
No wait, says Sweezus. El Confital! Wild, rough and rugged.
Maybe after we meet up with Gaius, says Ying.
Mother Pesquet alights on the railing, next to Arthur.
Baleful vulturine eyes stare into blue eyes.
Blue eyes reach into their pocket, and pull out two sea urchin spines.
Mother Pesquet retreats to join Father.
I don't trust that blue-eyed one. And no sign of dear Pesky, she sighs.
Patience. They will lead us to him, says Father. We must follow in their wake.
The sea churns. The vulturine parrots fly in the wake of the ferry.
A few passengers are mildly surprised. The ones that expected to see seagulls.
........
Gaius and Kong have arrived at the hotel Kong booked them into.
Hotel Parque, near Parque San Telmo.
I thought, says Kong, since it was near a park and a bus station, it would suit us.
Good thinking, Kong, says Gaius. But before we go anywhere, we should search the corridors for spiders.
And other dark places, says Kong. Sealed rooms for example.
Yes, says Gaius. Let Daniel O'Connell out, will you.
Kong open the red Maja box.
The spicy soap scent wafts upwards.
At last! says Baby Pierre. It's been no fun in here.
I didn't know you were in there, says Kong. Glad to see you. Is Daniel O'Connell asleep?
Dead to the world, says Baby Pierre. Or dead, even.
Let us hope there's a difference.
Friday, December 23, 2016
Glaring Down
It takes well over an hour to get from La Izquierda to Parque Loro by taxi.
Here they are now. Ying pays for the taxi then pays for their entry to Parque Loro.
Thirty three euros. That's EACH.
They head straight for the parrots.
Let's split up, says Sweezus. Should be easy to spot Terence. Meet back here at the palm tree.
Ten minutes later they meet back at the palm tree.
No Terence.
I know, says Ying. We'll ask the Head of Parrots.
They go to the office of the Head of Parrots. The door is open. They go straight in.
May I help you? asks the Head of Parrots.
Are you missing a parrot? asks Ying.
Not that I know of, says the Head of Parrots. Why? Have you found one?
No, says Sweezus. We just ...er..wondered.
Nobody just wonders, says the Head of Parrots. Something is up.
He picks up his phone. Calls a parrot attendant. Any parrots gone missing?
Dios! The young Pesquet's parrot is missing. His favourite parrot. The one that speaks pidgin and behaves like an adult.
What does it look like? asks Ying.
But the Head of Parrots has already rushed out of the office.
Arthur walks round to the other side of the desk. Maybe there'll be a picture.
In a photo frame (silver) is a picture of the Head of Parrots with three black and red parrots under a palm tree. The Head of Parrots is smiling, and patting the head of the young one.
This will be it, says Arthur.
You reckon? says Sweezus.
Yes, says Arthur. But we've made a series of errors.
What? says Ying.
Coming in here, says Arthur. Telling the Head of Parrots a parrot was missing. Meanwhile Terence has skipped the scene. Who'll get the blame? We will.
Let's go, says Ying.
But we paid thirty three euro each to get in, says Sweezus.
Ying looks out of the window. The Head of Parrots is running back to the office, but wait! he is being stopped by a tourist who wants to ask him a question.
The Head of Parrots waits for the question.
Where are the cranes?
The Head of Parrots gestures vaguely.
What a question to ask the Head of Parrots. Cranes! And there's a sign post right there!
He continues running back to his office. He wishes to question the two young men and the woman who seemed to know something.
But by the time he has entered the office, the culprits have gone.
The Head of Parrots is cross with himself.
To make matters worse he is followed into the office by Mother and Father Pesquet, who have now been alerted.
The kidnappers have escaped, says the Head of Parrots.
Kidnappers! That's a bit rich!
The adult parrots sit on his desk. Mother Pesquet looks at the photo of happier times, and weeps.
Pull yourself together, Mother, says Father Pesquet. It's time for action.
What's this? says the Head of Parrots. Action? Do you have a plan?
If you give us a leave pass, says Father Pesquet, we'll scour the park, find the kidnappers and bring them to justice.
And recover dear Pesky, says Mother Pesquet.
Do you still call him that? asks the Head of Parrots.
He's my baby, says Mother Pesquet. May we go?
You may, says the Head of Parrots. And good luck, dear vulturine family, you have always been my favourites.
Thank you, Enrico, say the Pesquets. And leave.
Meanwhile Sweezus, Ying and Arthur are heading for the exit.
We don't know where Terence is heading, says Ying.
Yeah, we don't, says Sweezus. We tried, that's the main thing.
And he's got a new parrot, says Ying. That's clear.
And one sensible sister, says Arthur. And one that isn't.
Why don't we go over to Gran Canaria on the ferry, says Ying. Take our mind off it.
Cool, says Sweezus. It's another island yeah? Should be good there.
Arthur resigns himself. Okay. Maybe it is time we hooked up with Gaius.
They look for a bus stop.
At the bus stop, a palm tree.
In the palm tree, two red and black figures, glaring down.........
Here they are now. Ying pays for the taxi then pays for their entry to Parque Loro.
Thirty three euros. That's EACH.
They head straight for the parrots.
Let's split up, says Sweezus. Should be easy to spot Terence. Meet back here at the palm tree.
Ten minutes later they meet back at the palm tree.
No Terence.
I know, says Ying. We'll ask the Head of Parrots.
They go to the office of the Head of Parrots. The door is open. They go straight in.
May I help you? asks the Head of Parrots.
Are you missing a parrot? asks Ying.
Not that I know of, says the Head of Parrots. Why? Have you found one?
No, says Sweezus. We just ...er..wondered.
Nobody just wonders, says the Head of Parrots. Something is up.
He picks up his phone. Calls a parrot attendant. Any parrots gone missing?
Dios! The young Pesquet's parrot is missing. His favourite parrot. The one that speaks pidgin and behaves like an adult.
What does it look like? asks Ying.
But the Head of Parrots has already rushed out of the office.
Arthur walks round to the other side of the desk. Maybe there'll be a picture.
In a photo frame (silver) is a picture of the Head of Parrots with three black and red parrots under a palm tree. The Head of Parrots is smiling, and patting the head of the young one.
This will be it, says Arthur.
You reckon? says Sweezus.
Yes, says Arthur. But we've made a series of errors.
What? says Ying.
Coming in here, says Arthur. Telling the Head of Parrots a parrot was missing. Meanwhile Terence has skipped the scene. Who'll get the blame? We will.
Let's go, says Ying.
But we paid thirty three euro each to get in, says Sweezus.
Ying looks out of the window. The Head of Parrots is running back to the office, but wait! he is being stopped by a tourist who wants to ask him a question.
The Head of Parrots waits for the question.
Where are the cranes?
The Head of Parrots gestures vaguely.
What a question to ask the Head of Parrots. Cranes! And there's a sign post right there!
He continues running back to his office. He wishes to question the two young men and the woman who seemed to know something.
But by the time he has entered the office, the culprits have gone.
The Head of Parrots is cross with himself.
To make matters worse he is followed into the office by Mother and Father Pesquet, who have now been alerted.
The kidnappers have escaped, says the Head of Parrots.
Kidnappers! That's a bit rich!
The adult parrots sit on his desk. Mother Pesquet looks at the photo of happier times, and weeps.
Pull yourself together, Mother, says Father Pesquet. It's time for action.
What's this? says the Head of Parrots. Action? Do you have a plan?
If you give us a leave pass, says Father Pesquet, we'll scour the park, find the kidnappers and bring them to justice.
And recover dear Pesky, says Mother Pesquet.
Do you still call him that? asks the Head of Parrots.
He's my baby, says Mother Pesquet. May we go?
You may, says the Head of Parrots. And good luck, dear vulturine family, you have always been my favourites.
Thank you, Enrico, say the Pesquets. And leave.
Meanwhile Sweezus, Ying and Arthur are heading for the exit.
We don't know where Terence is heading, says Ying.
Yeah, we don't, says Sweezus. We tried, that's the main thing.
And he's got a new parrot, says Ying. That's clear.
And one sensible sister, says Arthur. And one that isn't.
Why don't we go over to Gran Canaria on the ferry, says Ying. Take our mind off it.
Cool, says Sweezus. It's another island yeah? Should be good there.
Arthur resigns himself. Okay. Maybe it is time we hooked up with Gaius.
They look for a bus stop.
At the bus stop, a palm tree.
In the palm tree, two red and black figures, glaring down.........
Thursday, December 22, 2016
Totally Wrecked It
You've totally wrecked it, says Ying.
Had to answer the phone, says Sweezus.
And how does that look? says Ying. Saint Sebastian sits up and says that he's making a movie.
Post modern, says Arthur.
Who was that calling? asks Ying.
Belle, says Sweezus. She's kind of like my good conscience.
How lovely for you, says Ying. What did she want?
Nothing exactly, says Sweezus. But I might just call Gaius.
Don't, says Arthur.
But Sweezus has already started.
Beep beep, goes Gaius's nerdy ring tone.
Hello? says Gaius. Hello? Yes, we're on our way to Las Palmas. I recommend that you join us. It would be much more convenient.
Yeah, says Sweezus. S'pose we should. What's it like there?
We're not there yet, says Gaius. But there will be cracks and dark places.
Terence won't like it, says Sweezus.
Ah, says Gaius. Terence is not with us.
Fuck, says Sweezus. I knew we should've done a proper handover.
What's happened? says Ying.
Terence is missing, says Sweezus.
No, he's not missing says Gaius. He's gone to rescue a parrot from Parque Loro. Fear not. He's with a sensible girl and her sister.
Oh sure, fear not, says Sweezus. Okay. When are you going to meet up again?
That wasn't discussed, says Gaius. We were in a hurry. But he'll be safe at the girls' house. Is Arthur there?
Yeah, says Sweezus. Putting him on.
Gaius? says Arthur. Yes. Yes. No. Yes, heaps of postcards. You'll like them. Saint Sebastian bleeding. Why not? YOU'VE got the spider. Sweezus wants to say something...
Yep, says Sweezus. Reckon you'll be done by the fourteenth of January? Vello and David are short one man for the Tour.
Mercury's Mudguards! cries Gaius. I had forgotten. Yes, We must get our skates on.
What's this? asks Kong, looking up from his poem. Skates on?
Yes, says Gaius. We do after all have an end point.
Good, says Kong.
The ferry docks at Las Palmas.
Gaius and Kong are first off.
That got him going, says Sweezus. But I feel bad about Terence. He's gone to Parque Loro with two girls. Only one of them's sensible.
Not enough, says Arthur.
We could go there, says Ying. Let's get a taxi.
Okay, says Sweezus, standing up, revealing sand-encrusted lines of dried blood from his chest to the top of his boardies.
You need a good wash first, says Ying. Go back in the water.
Arthur ditches the sea urchin spines.
Then he picks up a few of the best ones. You never know when sharp things will be useful.
Ying calls a taxi.
The locals disperse. Show's over.
Had to answer the phone, says Sweezus.
And how does that look? says Ying. Saint Sebastian sits up and says that he's making a movie.
Post modern, says Arthur.
Who was that calling? asks Ying.
Belle, says Sweezus. She's kind of like my good conscience.
How lovely for you, says Ying. What did she want?
Nothing exactly, says Sweezus. But I might just call Gaius.
Don't, says Arthur.
But Sweezus has already started.
Beep beep, goes Gaius's nerdy ring tone.
Hello? says Gaius. Hello? Yes, we're on our way to Las Palmas. I recommend that you join us. It would be much more convenient.
Yeah, says Sweezus. S'pose we should. What's it like there?
We're not there yet, says Gaius. But there will be cracks and dark places.
Terence won't like it, says Sweezus.
Ah, says Gaius. Terence is not with us.
Fuck, says Sweezus. I knew we should've done a proper handover.
What's happened? says Ying.
Terence is missing, says Sweezus.
No, he's not missing says Gaius. He's gone to rescue a parrot from Parque Loro. Fear not. He's with a sensible girl and her sister.
Oh sure, fear not, says Sweezus. Okay. When are you going to meet up again?
That wasn't discussed, says Gaius. We were in a hurry. But he'll be safe at the girls' house. Is Arthur there?
Yeah, says Sweezus. Putting him on.
Gaius? says Arthur. Yes. Yes. No. Yes, heaps of postcards. You'll like them. Saint Sebastian bleeding. Why not? YOU'VE got the spider. Sweezus wants to say something...
Yep, says Sweezus. Reckon you'll be done by the fourteenth of January? Vello and David are short one man for the Tour.
Mercury's Mudguards! cries Gaius. I had forgotten. Yes, We must get our skates on.
What's this? asks Kong, looking up from his poem. Skates on?
Yes, says Gaius. We do after all have an end point.
Good, says Kong.
The ferry docks at Las Palmas.
Gaius and Kong are first off.
That got him going, says Sweezus. But I feel bad about Terence. He's gone to Parque Loro with two girls. Only one of them's sensible.
Not enough, says Arthur.
We could go there, says Ying. Let's get a taxi.
Okay, says Sweezus, standing up, revealing sand-encrusted lines of dried blood from his chest to the top of his boardies.
You need a good wash first, says Ying. Go back in the water.
Arthur ditches the sea urchin spines.
Then he picks up a few of the best ones. You never know when sharp things will be useful.
Ying calls a taxi.
The locals disperse. Show's over.
Wednesday, December 21, 2016
Short One Man
On the bus to Santa Cruz:
The Pesquet parrot is thinking about its decision.
It stares through the window, at the passing sky.
Nina appraises her photos.
Terence and Feebee play 'cannot but be'.
They crack up at 'cannot but be butter'.
Nothing new here.
Let's check out the others.
......
Sweezus is covered in sand. It sticks to his arrow wounds. Dark blood congeals on his chest.
Ying is filming.
Arthur pulls more sea urchin spines from his shorts pocket.
The onlookers are transfixed. This will be one awesome movie.
Sweezus's phone rings, destroying the moment. It's Belle.
Hi Sweezie, how's everything going?
Wicked. We're making a movie.
That's not what you're meant to be there for.
What am I meant to be here for?
Collecting postcards for the crowd funding thinger.
Yeah, but we kind of ....
What's the movie?
Saint Sebastian. I'm him. I die peppered with arrows. But we're using sea urchin spines.
Belle knows her Saint Sebastian.
Saint Sebastian didn't die peppered with arrows. He was rescued, says Belle.
Sweezus sits up. Who by?
Irene of Rome, says Belle. But later he was beaten to death by cudgels and thrown into a sewer.
Far out, says Sweezus.
Is it worth telling Arthur?
No, it definitely isn't.
Are you guys coming back for the Tour? asks Belle.
Sure, says Sweezus. When is it again?
Starts fourteenth of January, says Belle. Papa and David are having trouble contacting Gaius. They're short of a man.
He'll have forgotten, says Sweezus. I'll remind him, if I see him.
If? says Belle Where is he?
........
He is on the ferry to Las Palmas, with Kong Fu-zi.
He is reading the article that was published in the Journal Of Biogeography by Carles Ribera and Eric Planes, on the new endemic lineage of loxosceles.
As he reads, he dictates notes to Kong, in the belief that Kong is writing them down.
Kong is writing, but not about spiders. He is trying to remember a poem:
Waiting in vain for my friend Ding.
On the wooden seat beside them, Daniel O'Connell swoons in the heady perfumed paradise of the red Maja soap box.
Small brown spiders, active at night, says Gaius. Can cause quite severe bites.
Birds have settled in their perches in the quiet mist, mutters Kong. I am waiting for you.....
In cracks, caves, under stones etc, says Gaius.
Daniel O'Connell dreams up visions of Lola Montez.
Different reproductive organs. Note that, says Gaius.
The Pesquet parrot is thinking about its decision.
It stares through the window, at the passing sky.
Nina appraises her photos.
Terence and Feebee play 'cannot but be'.
They crack up at 'cannot but be butter'.
Nothing new here.
Let's check out the others.
......
Sweezus is covered in sand. It sticks to his arrow wounds. Dark blood congeals on his chest.
Ying is filming.
Arthur pulls more sea urchin spines from his shorts pocket.
The onlookers are transfixed. This will be one awesome movie.
Sweezus's phone rings, destroying the moment. It's Belle.
Hi Sweezie, how's everything going?
Wicked. We're making a movie.
That's not what you're meant to be there for.
What am I meant to be here for?
Collecting postcards for the crowd funding thinger.
Yeah, but we kind of ....
What's the movie?
Saint Sebastian. I'm him. I die peppered with arrows. But we're using sea urchin spines.
Belle knows her Saint Sebastian.
Saint Sebastian didn't die peppered with arrows. He was rescued, says Belle.
Sweezus sits up. Who by?
Irene of Rome, says Belle. But later he was beaten to death by cudgels and thrown into a sewer.
Far out, says Sweezus.
Is it worth telling Arthur?
No, it definitely isn't.
Are you guys coming back for the Tour? asks Belle.
Sure, says Sweezus. When is it again?
Starts fourteenth of January, says Belle. Papa and David are having trouble contacting Gaius. They're short of a man.
He'll have forgotten, says Sweezus. I'll remind him, if I see him.
If? says Belle Where is he?
........
He is on the ferry to Las Palmas, with Kong Fu-zi.
He is reading the article that was published in the Journal Of Biogeography by Carles Ribera and Eric Planes, on the new endemic lineage of loxosceles.
As he reads, he dictates notes to Kong, in the belief that Kong is writing them down.
Kong is writing, but not about spiders. He is trying to remember a poem:
Waiting in vain for my friend Ding.
On the wooden seat beside them, Daniel O'Connell swoons in the heady perfumed paradise of the red Maja soap box.
Small brown spiders, active at night, says Gaius. Can cause quite severe bites.
Birds have settled in their perches in the quiet mist, mutters Kong. I am waiting for you.....
In cracks, caves, under stones etc, says Gaius.
Daniel O'Connell dreams up visions of Lola Montez.
Different reproductive organs. Note that, says Gaius.
Tuesday, December 20, 2016
Play Your Cards Right, Get Peanuts
Terence and Feebee are looking at the cranes.
Nina is checking her photos.
So far she only has one.
It's a photo of the Pesquet, flying in through a window.
A flash of red wings. He looks good from the back.
But how lovely are the cranes!
With their long legs, grey white plumage and erect tuft of golden feathers.
Terence would rather rescue a crane.
He says so to Feebee.
But you have to rescue the Pesky, says Feebee. You promised.
I didn't promise, says Terence.
The Pesquet appears, landing on the grass before Terence.
I have a plan, says the Pesquet.
Did you learn how to ride a bicycle? asks Feebee.
That's part of it, says the Pesquet. Turns out I'm a natural.
What's the other part? asks Terence.
I'll be rescued, says the Pesquet. I'll come home with you. And I'll ride in your race. And I'll win it.
There is nothing like confidence. It draws others.
The cranes crowd over.
What's this? Can you ride a bicycle?
Yes, says the Pesquet. But with your legs you probably couldn't. However, I have no problem now with the bicycle training regime of my fellows. Turns out they get peanuts.
Peanuts! says Feebee.
Peanuts! says Terence.
Peanuts! say the cranes. Only peanuts?
Nina comes across with her iphone. This would make a great photo.
I'm coming with you, says the Pesquet. Did you guys come in a vehicle?
We came on the bus, says Nina.
Hmm, says the Pesquet.
But it's not a bad ending.
Terence has a new parrot. The Pesquet has a dream. Nina has a photo. Feebee, if she plays her cards right, will get Nina to buy her some peanuts.
They return to Santa Cruz, on the bus.
Nina is checking her photos.
So far she only has one.
It's a photo of the Pesquet, flying in through a window.
A flash of red wings. He looks good from the back.
But how lovely are the cranes!
With their long legs, grey white plumage and erect tuft of golden feathers.
Terence would rather rescue a crane.
He says so to Feebee.
But you have to rescue the Pesky, says Feebee. You promised.
I didn't promise, says Terence.
The Pesquet appears, landing on the grass before Terence.
I have a plan, says the Pesquet.
Did you learn how to ride a bicycle? asks Feebee.
That's part of it, says the Pesquet. Turns out I'm a natural.
What's the other part? asks Terence.
I'll be rescued, says the Pesquet. I'll come home with you. And I'll ride in your race. And I'll win it.
There is nothing like confidence. It draws others.
The cranes crowd over.
What's this? Can you ride a bicycle?
Yes, says the Pesquet. But with your legs you probably couldn't. However, I have no problem now with the bicycle training regime of my fellows. Turns out they get peanuts.
Peanuts! says Feebee.
Peanuts! says Terence.
Peanuts! say the cranes. Only peanuts?
Nina comes across with her iphone. This would make a great photo.
I'm coming with you, says the Pesquet. Did you guys come in a vehicle?
We came on the bus, says Nina.
Hmm, says the Pesquet.
But it's not a bad ending.
Terence has a new parrot. The Pesquet has a dream. Nina has a photo. Feebee, if she plays her cards right, will get Nina to buy her some peanuts.
They return to Santa Cruz, on the bus.
Monday, December 19, 2016
Subversion And Nuts
The Pesquet's parrot flies off to make some enquiries.
He flies through the window of the Head of Parrots, and lands on his papers.
Foof!
Luckily the Head of Parrots is out, inspecting the parrots.
The Pesquet quickly scans all the papers.
To do list... parrot food orders....reminders never to give parrots lima beans, aha! list of times of Secret Small Parrot Bicycle Training. A session is going on currently, in the cellar.
The Pesquet heads on down.
The door is not closed properly. He nudges the door open. Squee!
But none of the slave birds hear him. They are cycling on tiny bicycles around a circuit, on a table.
And a woman is standing at the end of the table giving encouragement.
Well done everyone! Who'd like a peanut?
She turns to get a handful of peanuts, and sees the Pesquet.
What are you doing here? asks the woman.
Wondering if I might join in, says the Pesquet.
I don't see why not, says the woman. Except... all the bicycles I have here are small.
I can adapt to that, says the Pesquet.
She appears to believe him.
He mounts a small bicycle.
She holds the back. He pedals. She lets go. Yes! He is a natural!
He joins the others, after they've eaten their peanuts.
They all ride round the circuit. The Pesquet enjoys it.
Thanks, says the Pesquet, at the end of the lesson.
That's okay, says the woman. You're very good. Would you like to go on the roster?
The roster! The Pesquet remembers what he is there for. Infiltration. Subversion. Radicalisation!
Too late now. Oh well. It didn't seem all that bad.
The slave birds had all got peanuts.
He leaves the cellar, to look for Nina, Feebee and Terence.
Now he has a new plan.
He flies through the window of the Head of Parrots, and lands on his papers.
Foof!
Luckily the Head of Parrots is out, inspecting the parrots.
The Pesquet quickly scans all the papers.
To do list... parrot food orders....reminders never to give parrots lima beans, aha! list of times of Secret Small Parrot Bicycle Training. A session is going on currently, in the cellar.
The Pesquet heads on down.
The door is not closed properly. He nudges the door open. Squee!
But none of the slave birds hear him. They are cycling on tiny bicycles around a circuit, on a table.
And a woman is standing at the end of the table giving encouragement.
Well done everyone! Who'd like a peanut?
She turns to get a handful of peanuts, and sees the Pesquet.
What are you doing here? asks the woman.
Wondering if I might join in, says the Pesquet.
I don't see why not, says the woman. Except... all the bicycles I have here are small.
I can adapt to that, says the Pesquet.
She appears to believe him.
He mounts a small bicycle.
She holds the back. He pedals. She lets go. Yes! He is a natural!
He joins the others, after they've eaten their peanuts.
They all ride round the circuit. The Pesquet enjoys it.
Thanks, says the Pesquet, at the end of the lesson.
That's okay, says the woman. You're very good. Would you like to go on the roster?
The roster! The Pesquet remembers what he is there for. Infiltration. Subversion. Radicalisation!
Too late now. Oh well. It didn't seem all that bad.
The slave birds had all got peanuts.
He leaves the cellar, to look for Nina, Feebee and Terence.
Now he has a new plan.
Sunday, December 18, 2016
The Non-Sticky Reasoning Behind Evolution
They go to a nearby café for lunch.
I'll order, says Pesquet's parrot.
And pay? asks Nina.
Money a problem? asks the Pesquet.
Not really, says Nina, We're covered by crowd funding. But this person called Ying has the money.
Crowd funding for what? asks the Pesquet.
Long story, says Nina. You go order.
The Pesquet goes up to the counter and orders a large serve of ripe figs.
Right, says the Pesquet, on returning. For what?
Shit! says Nina. I just remembered! I'm supposed to take photos of the rescue.
Don't tell me I'm part of the project! says the Pesquet.
Not really, says Nina. Ask Terence. Looks like your order is ready. I'll get it.
She walks off to the counter to get it.
Well? says the Pesquet. What's the project?
Daniel O'Connell, says Terence.
He's a spider, says Feebee. Do parrots eat spiders?
I don't, says the Pesquet. I eat mainly figs. Sometimes I eat flowers.
Feebee doesn't believe he eats flowers.
Nina returns with the figs.
Are these for all of us? asks Nina, plonking the plate down.
Yes, dig in, says the Pesquet.
You first, says Nina.
The Pesquet plunges his bald face into the biggest and splurtiest fig.
Splurt!
Terence is covered with sticky fig seeds.
Yerk! He hates his new parrot already.
You're not even sticky! says Feebee.
I AM! says Terence.
I mean the parrot, says Feebee.
This is why I have bald features, says the Pesquet. Evolution has provided me with the means to never have to wash my face after dinner.
Feebee loves this form of reasoning.
She is too young to take it further.
(She also has a bald face, in a manner of speaking. But she does have to wash her face after dinner).
Now for the nitty gritty, says the Pesquet. How to free the bicycle-slaves?
You could try and infiltrate, says Nina. But you do stick out, with your red wings and trousers.
I'll do it, says Terence. I don't stick out.
I bet you can't ride a bicycle, says Feebee.
I'd be learning, says Terence. Then when I get home I could go in the races, like Baby Pierre.
Is he a parrot? asks the Pesquet.
No, he's a pebble, says Terence. He's got his own bicycle with O-rings. He goes fast and sometimes he makes people fall off. Then they don't win the races. It's funny.
Feebee thinks it would be very funny.
What races? asks the Pesquet.
Tour Down Under, says Terence. Gaius goes in it. So do Sweezus and Arthur. They never win.
I didn't know that, says Nina.
I did, says Terence.
So, if I allow myself to be rescued.... says the Pesquet.
AFTER you learn to ride a bicycle, says Terence.
Okay, after, says the Pesquet. Assuming I am not detected...
Golly. This sounds like a plan.
Everyone digs into the remaining figs on the fig plate.
Nina gets out her phone, to take a few photos.
I'll order, says Pesquet's parrot.
And pay? asks Nina.
Money a problem? asks the Pesquet.
Not really, says Nina, We're covered by crowd funding. But this person called Ying has the money.
Crowd funding for what? asks the Pesquet.
Long story, says Nina. You go order.
The Pesquet goes up to the counter and orders a large serve of ripe figs.
Right, says the Pesquet, on returning. For what?
Shit! says Nina. I just remembered! I'm supposed to take photos of the rescue.
Don't tell me I'm part of the project! says the Pesquet.
Not really, says Nina. Ask Terence. Looks like your order is ready. I'll get it.
She walks off to the counter to get it.
Well? says the Pesquet. What's the project?
Daniel O'Connell, says Terence.
He's a spider, says Feebee. Do parrots eat spiders?
I don't, says the Pesquet. I eat mainly figs. Sometimes I eat flowers.
Feebee doesn't believe he eats flowers.
Nina returns with the figs.
Are these for all of us? asks Nina, plonking the plate down.
Yes, dig in, says the Pesquet.
You first, says Nina.
The Pesquet plunges his bald face into the biggest and splurtiest fig.
Splurt!
Terence is covered with sticky fig seeds.
Yerk! He hates his new parrot already.
You're not even sticky! says Feebee.
I AM! says Terence.
I mean the parrot, says Feebee.
This is why I have bald features, says the Pesquet. Evolution has provided me with the means to never have to wash my face after dinner.
Feebee loves this form of reasoning.
She is too young to take it further.
(She also has a bald face, in a manner of speaking. But she does have to wash her face after dinner).
Now for the nitty gritty, says the Pesquet. How to free the bicycle-slaves?
You could try and infiltrate, says Nina. But you do stick out, with your red wings and trousers.
I'll do it, says Terence. I don't stick out.
I bet you can't ride a bicycle, says Feebee.
I'd be learning, says Terence. Then when I get home I could go in the races, like Baby Pierre.
Is he a parrot? asks the Pesquet.
No, he's a pebble, says Terence. He's got his own bicycle with O-rings. He goes fast and sometimes he makes people fall off. Then they don't win the races. It's funny.
Feebee thinks it would be very funny.
What races? asks the Pesquet.
Tour Down Under, says Terence. Gaius goes in it. So do Sweezus and Arthur. They never win.
I didn't know that, says Nina.
I did, says Terence.
So, if I allow myself to be rescued.... says the Pesquet.
AFTER you learn to ride a bicycle, says Terence.
Okay, after, says the Pesquet. Assuming I am not detected...
Golly. This sounds like a plan.
Everyone digs into the remaining figs on the fig plate.
Nina gets out her phone, to take a few photos.
Saturday, December 17, 2016
Red Wings And Trousers
That one, says Terence.
Yuck, says Feebee. It's got a bald face.
It's got red wings and trousers, says Terence.
Okay says Nina. Let's ask it.
They approach the young Pesquet's parrot, from below.
Hoi! says Terence. Would you like to be rescued?
No, says the parrot. I'm famous here.
Why? asks Terence.
I don't have to answer your questions, says the young Pesquet's parrot.
You answered the first one, says Terence.
This is not going well.
A blue parrot flutters down to explain to Terence why the young Pesquet's parrot is famous.
He fell out of his nest as a baby, says the blue parrot. And he climbed up again, all by himself. Since then he has shown a surprising maturity. And he speaks pidgin.
How does that go? asks Nina.
Don't ask mi, says the blue parrot. "Mi", did you get that? That's pidgin.
The young Pesquet's parrot has been sitting patiently on the branch of his palm tree (the one he fell out of), showing his customary maturity.
Let's not rescue him, says Feebee. Let's rescue the pretty blue one.
No, thank you. We like it here, says the blue one. We have the world's best climate. We call it Eternal Spring.
Okay, says Nina. The rescue is off. Let's go and get lunch.
Wah! says Terence.
The young Pesquet's parrot looks pityingly at Terence.
Terence glowers.
Wait till they make you ride a bicycle, says Terence.
What? says the Pesquet. No one can make me ride a bicycle.
Nina saw a parrot riding a bicycle, says Feebee.
I did, says Nina. Right here in Parque Loro. It was years ago though.
There you are then, says the Pesquet. They probably don't do it now.
You're not the type, says the blue one. You're too big, and your features are ugly.
The Pesquet's world picture in which he is renowned for his olympic-class tree climbing skills and surprising maturity is rocked slightly.
Is there another side to this Paradise? Is there a class of small parrots with cute features that are being taken down from their trees and trained to ride bicycles?
I'll come to lunch with you, if you don't mind, says the Pesquet. We need to speak further.
In pidgin, says Feebee. Mi mi.
That's not pidgin, says the Pesquet. This is pidgin. I bin go.
I bin go, says Terence. I bin go! This is the best language!
It's called Tok Pisin, says the Pesquet. I taught myself. My family is originally from New Guinea. Em tok pisin.
This is too complex for Terence.
I get it, says Nina. They talk pidgin. It's so beautifully simple. Can you get out, Pesquet's parrot?
Anytime I like, says the Pesquet. Now let us discuss how to end this dreadful bicycle training cruelty, over lunch. Coming?
Of course they are coming.
Em bin go.
Yuck, says Feebee. It's got a bald face.
It's got red wings and trousers, says Terence.
Okay says Nina. Let's ask it.
They approach the young Pesquet's parrot, from below.
Hoi! says Terence. Would you like to be rescued?
No, says the parrot. I'm famous here.
Why? asks Terence.
I don't have to answer your questions, says the young Pesquet's parrot.
You answered the first one, says Terence.
This is not going well.
A blue parrot flutters down to explain to Terence why the young Pesquet's parrot is famous.
He fell out of his nest as a baby, says the blue parrot. And he climbed up again, all by himself. Since then he has shown a surprising maturity. And he speaks pidgin.
How does that go? asks Nina.
Don't ask mi, says the blue parrot. "Mi", did you get that? That's pidgin.
The young Pesquet's parrot has been sitting patiently on the branch of his palm tree (the one he fell out of), showing his customary maturity.
Let's not rescue him, says Feebee. Let's rescue the pretty blue one.
No, thank you. We like it here, says the blue one. We have the world's best climate. We call it Eternal Spring.
Okay, says Nina. The rescue is off. Let's go and get lunch.
Wah! says Terence.
The young Pesquet's parrot looks pityingly at Terence.
Terence glowers.
Wait till they make you ride a bicycle, says Terence.
What? says the Pesquet. No one can make me ride a bicycle.
Nina saw a parrot riding a bicycle, says Feebee.
I did, says Nina. Right here in Parque Loro. It was years ago though.
There you are then, says the Pesquet. They probably don't do it now.
You're not the type, says the blue one. You're too big, and your features are ugly.
The Pesquet's world picture in which he is renowned for his olympic-class tree climbing skills and surprising maturity is rocked slightly.
Is there another side to this Paradise? Is there a class of small parrots with cute features that are being taken down from their trees and trained to ride bicycles?
I'll come to lunch with you, if you don't mind, says the Pesquet. We need to speak further.
In pidgin, says Feebee. Mi mi.
That's not pidgin, says the Pesquet. This is pidgin. I bin go.
I bin go, says Terence. I bin go! This is the best language!
It's called Tok Pisin, says the Pesquet. I taught myself. My family is originally from New Guinea. Em tok pisin.
This is too complex for Terence.
I get it, says Nina. They talk pidgin. It's so beautifully simple. Can you get out, Pesquet's parrot?
Anytime I like, says the Pesquet. Now let us discuss how to end this dreadful bicycle training cruelty, over lunch. Coming?
Of course they are coming.
Em bin go.
Friday, December 16, 2016
Black And White, Black And White
Nina and Feebee, tired of waiting for Terence, have entered the ice tunnel.
He'll find us, says Nina.
The penguins are all behind glass.
That's no good, says Feebee. How can we pat them?
It's freezing where they are, says Nina. Look at that one, it's shivering.
Feebee looks, but they all look the same.
Terence arrives at the entrance with Rosa and Rosalita.
Come ON! says Rosa.
She wants to go in.
Terence is easily persuaded. He follows them in.
They are in a line of people staring through glass at cold penguins.
This is rubbish, says Terence. Those aren't proper penguins.
He marches up the queue.
He catches up with Nina and Feebee.
Feebee looks sour. Nina is pointing. A Gentoo, see its white bonnet. And that one's a King!
A proper penguin, says Terence, has a mouth for the bottles.
Hee hee, giggles Feebee.
And it talks and tells jokes, says Terence.
Feebee likes jokes.
Only the daddy ones, says Terence.
He taps on the glass. A Gentoo comes up.
Looks like a daddy one.
What's black and white, black and white, black and white? asks the Gentoo.
But only the other penguins can hear him.
I think he was asking a riddle, says Terence.
Nonsense, says Nina. Have you had enough now?
YES, says Terence.
Nina hurries them up the line to the exit.
Now they are out in the sunshine.
Best zoo in Europe, says someone.
Second best in the WORLD, says their companion.
They do not seem like people who are looking desperately for their daughters.
But you will be relieved to know that it is Sofia and Gonzalo.
And when Rosa and Rosalita come out of the penguin ice tunnel they will see them. And then they will go to the dolphins.
And then have their lunch.
Rosa, who can lipread and is highly observant will try out a new riddle.
What's black and white, black and white, black and white?
And Sofia and Gonzalo will never guess the answer.
And Rosalita will surprise everyone by knowing:
Answer: A penguin rolling down hill.
.....
Terence Nina and Feebee by now have located the parrots, and Terence is choosing the one he wants to rescue.
He spots a young Pesquet's Parrot, with vulturine features. A black face, red wings and trousers.
Terence makes a bad choice.
He'll find us, says Nina.
The penguins are all behind glass.
That's no good, says Feebee. How can we pat them?
It's freezing where they are, says Nina. Look at that one, it's shivering.
Feebee looks, but they all look the same.
Terence arrives at the entrance with Rosa and Rosalita.
Come ON! says Rosa.
She wants to go in.
Terence is easily persuaded. He follows them in.
They are in a line of people staring through glass at cold penguins.
This is rubbish, says Terence. Those aren't proper penguins.
He marches up the queue.
He catches up with Nina and Feebee.
Feebee looks sour. Nina is pointing. A Gentoo, see its white bonnet. And that one's a King!
A proper penguin, says Terence, has a mouth for the bottles.
Hee hee, giggles Feebee.
And it talks and tells jokes, says Terence.
Feebee likes jokes.
Only the daddy ones, says Terence.
He taps on the glass. A Gentoo comes up.
Looks like a daddy one.
What's black and white, black and white, black and white? asks the Gentoo.
But only the other penguins can hear him.
I think he was asking a riddle, says Terence.
Nonsense, says Nina. Have you had enough now?
YES, says Terence.
Nina hurries them up the line to the exit.
Now they are out in the sunshine.
Best zoo in Europe, says someone.
Second best in the WORLD, says their companion.
They do not seem like people who are looking desperately for their daughters.
But you will be relieved to know that it is Sofia and Gonzalo.
And when Rosa and Rosalita come out of the penguin ice tunnel they will see them. And then they will go to the dolphins.
And then have their lunch.
Rosa, who can lipread and is highly observant will try out a new riddle.
What's black and white, black and white, black and white?
And Sofia and Gonzalo will never guess the answer.
And Rosalita will surprise everyone by knowing:
Answer: A penguin rolling down hill.
.....
Terence Nina and Feebee by now have located the parrots, and Terence is choosing the one he wants to rescue.
He spots a young Pesquet's Parrot, with vulturine features. A black face, red wings and trousers.
Terence makes a bad choice.
Thursday, December 15, 2016
Zoo Guilt Versus Death In The Wild
Nina, Feebee and Terence are at the entrance to Parque Loro.
Now they just have to get in.
Children must be accompanied by an adult, and Nina is not yet an adult.
But she is inventive
I'll ask that family, says Nina.
She goes up to a family with two children and asks them to take Terence in.
He's under six, says Nina. And he's made of cement. You won't have to pay for him.
Under six what, says Terence.
Shut up, says Nina. You're going in aren't you? We'll meet you at the penguins.
She walks off with Feebee, to look for a hole in the fence.
Terence is stuck with the family.
Pick him up, Gonzalo, says the mum to the dad.
I can walk, says Terence.
He walks in stiffly beside Rosa and Rosalita, the children.
Nina was right. Under six get in free.
Terence is in now.
What would you like to see first? says the mother, Sofia.
The DOLPHINS! cry the children, (not Terence).
Right, the dolphins it is then, says Sofia
I need the penguins, says Terence.
Need? says Sofia. I don't think so. We'll do dolphins, then tigers, then cranes. The dolphin I want to see is that Dutch one, remember, Gonzalo?
Gonzalo doesn't remember a Dutch one.
Yes, you remember! says Sofia. The activists were angry that Parque Loro accepted that dolphin. But it would have died otherwise. Or so they tell us.
Well, dear, says Gonzalo, the activists may have a point. Better to die in your own Dutch ocean than come here to Tenerife and be a zoo exhibit.
Gonzalo! says Sofia.
The children are already going off seeing the dolphins.
You can tell by their faces.
Let's run away to the penguins, says Terence.
While Gonzalo and Sofia debate the merits of zoo-guilt versus death-in-the-wild, Terence and the children run off to look for the penguins.
Meanwhile Nina and Feebee have found a hole in the fence and wriggled through it. It comes out right near the penguins.
The penguins live in a replica of the Antarctic, accessed (by humans) through a tunnel of ice.
So the penguins won't die of the heat or inappropriate lighting, but only in the natural manner.
There are Gentoo, King, Rockhopper and Chinstrap penguins.
Terence will be disappointed, when he gets there. He only likes bin penguins.
Nina and Feebee are waiting at the entrance to the ice tunnel.
Why couldn't Terence come through the hole with us? asks Feebee.
I didn't think he'd be able to wriggle, says Nina.
And she's right.
Terence wouldn't.
Now they just have to get in.
Children must be accompanied by an adult, and Nina is not yet an adult.
But she is inventive
I'll ask that family, says Nina.
She goes up to a family with two children and asks them to take Terence in.
He's under six, says Nina. And he's made of cement. You won't have to pay for him.
Under six what, says Terence.
Shut up, says Nina. You're going in aren't you? We'll meet you at the penguins.
She walks off with Feebee, to look for a hole in the fence.
Terence is stuck with the family.
Pick him up, Gonzalo, says the mum to the dad.
I can walk, says Terence.
He walks in stiffly beside Rosa and Rosalita, the children.
Nina was right. Under six get in free.
Terence is in now.
What would you like to see first? says the mother, Sofia.
The DOLPHINS! cry the children, (not Terence).
Right, the dolphins it is then, says Sofia
I need the penguins, says Terence.
Need? says Sofia. I don't think so. We'll do dolphins, then tigers, then cranes. The dolphin I want to see is that Dutch one, remember, Gonzalo?
Gonzalo doesn't remember a Dutch one.
Yes, you remember! says Sofia. The activists were angry that Parque Loro accepted that dolphin. But it would have died otherwise. Or so they tell us.
Well, dear, says Gonzalo, the activists may have a point. Better to die in your own Dutch ocean than come here to Tenerife and be a zoo exhibit.
Gonzalo! says Sofia.
The children are already going off seeing the dolphins.
You can tell by their faces.
Let's run away to the penguins, says Terence.
While Gonzalo and Sofia debate the merits of zoo-guilt versus death-in-the-wild, Terence and the children run off to look for the penguins.
Meanwhile Nina and Feebee have found a hole in the fence and wriggled through it. It comes out right near the penguins.
The penguins live in a replica of the Antarctic, accessed (by humans) through a tunnel of ice.
So the penguins won't die of the heat or inappropriate lighting, but only in the natural manner.
There are Gentoo, King, Rockhopper and Chinstrap penguins.
Terence will be disappointed, when he gets there. He only likes bin penguins.
Nina and Feebee are waiting at the entrance to the ice tunnel.
Why couldn't Terence come through the hole with us? asks Feebee.
I didn't think he'd be able to wriggle, says Nina.
And she's right.
Terence wouldn't.
Thank Marx
Terence is on the 103 bus, sitting in between Nina and Feebee.
He has forgotten that he would rather be on the ferry.
Because they are asking him questions, about his palace.
What was in it? asks Feebee.
Nothing, says Terence.
That's a weird palace, says Nina. Did it have doors?
Yes, says Terence, it had a giant door under my ledge.
So you were on the outside, says Nina. What if it rained?
I went under the Virgin, says Terence.
I see you're not an atheist, says Nina.
What's an atheist? asks Feebee.
Baby Pierre, says Nina. He said he was.
So it's a pebble, says Feebee.
Cannot but be, says Terence.
No, says Nina. An atheist doesn't believe in god. But you must.
I do, says Terence. He's my grandpa. And he believes in HIMSELF.
Grandpa? says Nina. He can't be your grandpa..
Can be, says Terence.
Let's play cannot but be, says Feebee.
Not yet, says Nina. What's his name, your grandpa?
Grandpa Marx, says Terence.
Marx. Everyone knows what he looks like.
Nina decides that Terence has made an understandable mistake.
But she does not pursue it. Why destroy his illusion?
Let's play cannot but be, says Nina. How do we play?
I know! says Feebee. What if I saw a beetle?
Cannot but beetle, says Terence.
Feebee and Terence collapse into giggles on the bus seat.
Nina thinks that she gets it.
What if I saw a beenana? asks Nina.
Terence looks puzzled.
Nina wonders if she didn't, after all, get it.
Cabana? says Feebee.
Nina looks at her watch.
Not long to Puerto de la Cruz.
Thank Marx they're on the express bus.
He has forgotten that he would rather be on the ferry.
Because they are asking him questions, about his palace.
What was in it? asks Feebee.
Nothing, says Terence.
That's a weird palace, says Nina. Did it have doors?
Yes, says Terence, it had a giant door under my ledge.
So you were on the outside, says Nina. What if it rained?
I went under the Virgin, says Terence.
I see you're not an atheist, says Nina.
What's an atheist? asks Feebee.
Baby Pierre, says Nina. He said he was.
So it's a pebble, says Feebee.
Cannot but be, says Terence.
No, says Nina. An atheist doesn't believe in god. But you must.
I do, says Terence. He's my grandpa. And he believes in HIMSELF.
Grandpa? says Nina. He can't be your grandpa..
Can be, says Terence.
Let's play cannot but be, says Feebee.
Not yet, says Nina. What's his name, your grandpa?
Grandpa Marx, says Terence.
Marx. Everyone knows what he looks like.
Nina decides that Terence has made an understandable mistake.
But she does not pursue it. Why destroy his illusion?
Let's play cannot but be, says Nina. How do we play?
I know! says Feebee. What if I saw a beetle?
Cannot but beetle, says Terence.
Feebee and Terence collapse into giggles on the bus seat.
Nina thinks that she gets it.
What if I saw a beenana? asks Nina.
Terence looks puzzled.
Nina wonders if she didn't, after all, get it.
Cabana? says Feebee.
Nina looks at her watch.
Not long to Puerto de la Cruz.
Thank Marx they're on the express bus.
Monday, December 12, 2016
Saint Sebastian Goes Surfing
Sweezus and Arthur limp up the beach, bleeding.
Ai! Come and sit on my towel says Ying. You guys must be mental.
Nah, says Sweezus. It was better that time.
Magic Seaweed said to watch out for the locals, says Ying. They don't like foreigners moving in on their waves
Yeah, but Arthur fixed it, says Sweezus. Now they don't hate me. Or him.
What did you say to them, Arthur? asks Ying.
We're making a movie, says Arthur.
Yeah how cool is that? says Sweezus. A movie.
Where's the camera? asks Ying.
Your phone, says Sweezus. It's one of those low budget movies shot on an iphone.
Brilliant, says Ying. And they bought it? What's the movie about?
A modern day Saint Sebastian, says Arthur.
And his buddy, says Sweezus. They go surfing at La Izquierda, and Saint Sebastian gets shot full of arrows.
Not arrows, says Arthur. Sea urchin spines.
Yeah that's kind of more realistic, says Sweezus.
Should I start filming? asks Ying. Because here come your fans.
She's right. Half a dozen La Izquierda locals have followed Saint Sebastian and his buddy all the way up the beach to Ying's towel.
Lie down, says Ying. Try and look injured.
I am fucking injured, says Sweezus.
........
Meanwhile Gaius, Kong, Daniel O'Connell and Baby Pierre chug out of Santa Cruz on the ferry.
And Terence is on the quay crying.
This is what happened.
He only had thirty seconds to make up his mind.
He ran to the ticket office (which took five seconds)
He waited in line (for ten seconds)
He asked if there was a ferry to Parque Loro (two seconds)
And the ticket officer laughed ha ha ha (rudely, for three seconds!)
...and replied: No, you must catch a BUS to Parque Loro. Bus 103 is the fastest (four seconds)
What does that add up to already?
Twenty four seconds.
But then Terence has run back to the quay and tripped over (five seconds)
And had to get up again (two)
Toot toot! Too late! The ferry has departed.
Kong waves from the ferry. The MAJA box is open, so that Daniel O'Connell can see.
A spicy oriental scent wafts back on the wind.
And Terence is crying and smelling the smell of the scent and the ferry.
Nina pats his cement curly head.
Looks like you'll be coming with us, says Nina.
Yay! says Feebee.
Ai! Come and sit on my towel says Ying. You guys must be mental.
Nah, says Sweezus. It was better that time.
Magic Seaweed said to watch out for the locals, says Ying. They don't like foreigners moving in on their waves
Yeah, but Arthur fixed it, says Sweezus. Now they don't hate me. Or him.
What did you say to them, Arthur? asks Ying.
We're making a movie, says Arthur.
Yeah how cool is that? says Sweezus. A movie.
Where's the camera? asks Ying.
Your phone, says Sweezus. It's one of those low budget movies shot on an iphone.
Brilliant, says Ying. And they bought it? What's the movie about?
A modern day Saint Sebastian, says Arthur.
And his buddy, says Sweezus. They go surfing at La Izquierda, and Saint Sebastian gets shot full of arrows.
Not arrows, says Arthur. Sea urchin spines.
Yeah that's kind of more realistic, says Sweezus.
Should I start filming? asks Ying. Because here come your fans.
She's right. Half a dozen La Izquierda locals have followed Saint Sebastian and his buddy all the way up the beach to Ying's towel.
Lie down, says Ying. Try and look injured.
I am fucking injured, says Sweezus.
........
Meanwhile Gaius, Kong, Daniel O'Connell and Baby Pierre chug out of Santa Cruz on the ferry.
And Terence is on the quay crying.
This is what happened.
He only had thirty seconds to make up his mind.
He ran to the ticket office (which took five seconds)
He waited in line (for ten seconds)
He asked if there was a ferry to Parque Loro (two seconds)
And the ticket officer laughed ha ha ha (rudely, for three seconds!)
...and replied: No, you must catch a BUS to Parque Loro. Bus 103 is the fastest (four seconds)
What does that add up to already?
Twenty four seconds.
But then Terence has run back to the quay and tripped over (five seconds)
And had to get up again (two)
Toot toot! Too late! The ferry has departed.
Kong waves from the ferry. The MAJA box is open, so that Daniel O'Connell can see.
A spicy oriental scent wafts back on the wind.
And Terence is crying and smelling the smell of the scent and the ferry.
Nina pats his cement curly head.
Looks like you'll be coming with us, says Nina.
Yay! says Feebee.
Sunday, December 11, 2016
Smacking The Smackable Wall
Next morning.
Maricruz goes off to work.
Nina and Feebee are still having breakfast
It's not fair, says Feebee. Terence and me had a plan.
Terence and I had a plan, says Nina.
Was it the same one? asks Feebee.
Grammar! says Nina.
Maricruz did NOT have a plan with Terence, says Feebee.
No, I'm sure she didn't, says Nina. Let's start again. What was your plan?
It's a secret, says Feebee. Now Terence will have to find Parque Loro all on his own.
I don't think so, says Nina. He's going to Gran Canaria on the ferry to look for a spider.
I bet he doesn't want to, says Feebee. He wants to rescue a parrot.
Now I know what your plan was, says Nina.
Terence will be crying, says Feebee. He won't want to get on the ferry.
Why don't we walk down to the port and see them off, says Nina.
Okay, says Feebee.
.......
It's a five minute walk from Hotel Horizontal to the ferry terminal.
The ferry leaves at eight am sharp.
Gaius has picked up the tickets.
Yes, Ying is efficient. But what has she paid? Juno's balls! One hundred and twelve dollars one way.
Arthur would never have let him pay that much.
Perhaps he should try calling Arthur. No, let Arthur battle the smackable wall (whatever that is).Young people need an outlet......
He rejoins Kong and Terence, who are on the quay talking to Nina and Feebee.
It was so cute, says Nina.
It was foolish, says Kong.
What was? asks Gaius.
Terence and Feebee had a plan to find a map...
STEAL a map, says Terence.
Steal a map, go to Parque Loro, and rescue a parrot, says Nina.
Is that what you'd rather do, Terence? asks Gaius (still thinking of Arthur).
NO! says Terence.
He could catch the 103 bus, says Nina. It goes express to Puerto de la Santa Cruz, and Parque Loro.
Let's all catch the bus! says Feebee. Come on Nina!
I suppose we could, says Nina. Would it be covered by crowd funding?
Only if one of us goes, says Gaius. Kong, for example.
Terence should go, says Kong. It was his plan in the first place.
Terence is sniffling. He does want to rescue a parrot. But he really wants to go on a ferry.
I told you he'd be crying, says Feebee.
Poor Terence, says Nina.
Too-oot! The ferry is leaving in thirty seconds.
This needs to be sorted out quickly.
Gaius calls Ying.
........
Ying is sitting on the beach at La Izquierda, watching a fracas.
The famous left that breaks over the lava platform and spins down the line for 100 metres is teeming with surfers.
Sweezus and Arthur, having overcome the sucky sweeps and hollows on takeoff are approaching what looks like the smackable wall.
Bugger! They wipe out near the sharp rocks on the inside.
They'll be limping out in a minute, dripping and bleeding.
Her phone rings. It's Gaius.
Change of plan, says Gaius. We're about to board the ferry. And I must say, you paid far too much for the tickets. Now, if Terence catches a bus to a zoo and rescues a parrot, would you say his bus fare and that of his companions was covered?
Sure, says Ying. Go ahead and give him the money. I'll reimburse you. Tell whoever he's with to take photos. A parrot rescue! It'll be awesome.
Thank you, Ying! says Gaius. Now I must run for the ferry! ....bleep.....burrrr.
.....
And that's why what happens next happens.
Maricruz goes off to work.
Nina and Feebee are still having breakfast
It's not fair, says Feebee. Terence and me had a plan.
Terence and I had a plan, says Nina.
Was it the same one? asks Feebee.
Grammar! says Nina.
Maricruz did NOT have a plan with Terence, says Feebee.
No, I'm sure she didn't, says Nina. Let's start again. What was your plan?
It's a secret, says Feebee. Now Terence will have to find Parque Loro all on his own.
I don't think so, says Nina. He's going to Gran Canaria on the ferry to look for a spider.
I bet he doesn't want to, says Feebee. He wants to rescue a parrot.
Now I know what your plan was, says Nina.
Terence will be crying, says Feebee. He won't want to get on the ferry.
Why don't we walk down to the port and see them off, says Nina.
Okay, says Feebee.
.......
It's a five minute walk from Hotel Horizontal to the ferry terminal.
The ferry leaves at eight am sharp.
Gaius has picked up the tickets.
Yes, Ying is efficient. But what has she paid? Juno's balls! One hundred and twelve dollars one way.
Arthur would never have let him pay that much.
Perhaps he should try calling Arthur. No, let Arthur battle the smackable wall (whatever that is).Young people need an outlet......
He rejoins Kong and Terence, who are on the quay talking to Nina and Feebee.
It was so cute, says Nina.
It was foolish, says Kong.
What was? asks Gaius.
Terence and Feebee had a plan to find a map...
STEAL a map, says Terence.
Steal a map, go to Parque Loro, and rescue a parrot, says Nina.
Is that what you'd rather do, Terence? asks Gaius (still thinking of Arthur).
NO! says Terence.
He could catch the 103 bus, says Nina. It goes express to Puerto de la Santa Cruz, and Parque Loro.
Let's all catch the bus! says Feebee. Come on Nina!
I suppose we could, says Nina. Would it be covered by crowd funding?
Only if one of us goes, says Gaius. Kong, for example.
Terence should go, says Kong. It was his plan in the first place.
Terence is sniffling. He does want to rescue a parrot. But he really wants to go on a ferry.
I told you he'd be crying, says Feebee.
Poor Terence, says Nina.
Too-oot! The ferry is leaving in thirty seconds.
This needs to be sorted out quickly.
Gaius calls Ying.
........
Ying is sitting on the beach at La Izquierda, watching a fracas.
The famous left that breaks over the lava platform and spins down the line for 100 metres is teeming with surfers.
Sweezus and Arthur, having overcome the sucky sweeps and hollows on takeoff are approaching what looks like the smackable wall.
Bugger! They wipe out near the sharp rocks on the inside.
They'll be limping out in a minute, dripping and bleeding.
Her phone rings. It's Gaius.
Change of plan, says Gaius. We're about to board the ferry. And I must say, you paid far too much for the tickets. Now, if Terence catches a bus to a zoo and rescues a parrot, would you say his bus fare and that of his companions was covered?
Sure, says Ying. Go ahead and give him the money. I'll reimburse you. Tell whoever he's with to take photos. A parrot rescue! It'll be awesome.
Thank you, Ying! says Gaius. Now I must run for the ferry! ....bleep.....burrrr.
.....
And that's why what happens next happens.
Saturday, December 10, 2016
The Fool Looks at The Finger
Look at us, says Maricruz. Staring at a photo, when the subjects are right before our eyes.
The wise man points at the moon, the fool looks at the finger, says Kong.
Very clever, Kong, says Gaius. You took the photo.
But it's a good saying, says Maricruz.
I have a million of them, says Kong.
We'd best be going, says Gaius. We're booked into the Hotel Horizontal.
Yes, time flows away like the water in a river, says Kong.
Maricruz looks approving.
She would like them to go.
Do you want a box for Daniel O'Connell? asks Nina.
No, says Gaius, Kong can manage.
A BOX! cries Daniel O'Connell. I miss my red box!
Ooh, says White Slits. You had a box. I bet it was lovely.
'Twas exceedingly lovely, says Daniel O'Connell. A faint scent of the earth issued from it.
Grandma's got a red box, says Nina.
Which red box is this, Nina?
Your Three Soap Box, Grandma. The Maja.
Oh yes, Nina, go and fetch it.
Nina goes upstairs, and comes down with a box.
The base is red cardboard. The lid is half red, half black. In gold writing on the red half, is the word MAJA.
Splendid! says Daniel O'Connell. He hops inside. It is roomy, big enough for three Maja soap cakes. And the perfume is oriental and spicy.
It seems he's made himself at home, says Gaius. Thank you ladies. Come Kong, come Terence.
But Terence is not in the kitchen.
I'll find him, says Baby Pierre.
He rolls out to the foot of the staircase.
Are you upstairs Terence? calls Baby Pierre. They're going!
No reply is down-coming.
And I'm going too! shouts Baby Pierre.
Nothing.
......
In Feebee's bedroom muffled giggles come from under the bed.
That's where Terence is hiding, with Feebee.
We'll get up really early, says Feebee.
How will we get there? asks Terence.
I know, says Feebee. We'll steal a map.
Can you read? asks Terence.
Course I can, says Feebee.
......
Here he is! calls Nina.
She drags Terence out from under.
She hauls him downstairs.
Good, now they can go.
Enjoy your ferry ride to Gran Canaria tomorrow, says Maricruz.
Thank you, says Gaius.
Thank you, says Kong.
Thank you, says Baby Pierre.
And thank you for my box, says Daniel O'Connell.
How polite they all are, except Terence.
....
They have gone.
Only White Slits is left on the table.
Absently, Maricruz crushes White Slits with her finger.
Jesús, Grandma! says Nina.
The wise man points at the moon, the fool looks at the finger, says Kong.
Very clever, Kong, says Gaius. You took the photo.
But it's a good saying, says Maricruz.
I have a million of them, says Kong.
We'd best be going, says Gaius. We're booked into the Hotel Horizontal.
Yes, time flows away like the water in a river, says Kong.
Maricruz looks approving.
She would like them to go.
Do you want a box for Daniel O'Connell? asks Nina.
No, says Gaius, Kong can manage.
A BOX! cries Daniel O'Connell. I miss my red box!
Ooh, says White Slits. You had a box. I bet it was lovely.
'Twas exceedingly lovely, says Daniel O'Connell. A faint scent of the earth issued from it.
Grandma's got a red box, says Nina.
Which red box is this, Nina?
Your Three Soap Box, Grandma. The Maja.
Oh yes, Nina, go and fetch it.
Nina goes upstairs, and comes down with a box.
The base is red cardboard. The lid is half red, half black. In gold writing on the red half, is the word MAJA.
Splendid! says Daniel O'Connell. He hops inside. It is roomy, big enough for three Maja soap cakes. And the perfume is oriental and spicy.
It seems he's made himself at home, says Gaius. Thank you ladies. Come Kong, come Terence.
But Terence is not in the kitchen.
I'll find him, says Baby Pierre.
He rolls out to the foot of the staircase.
Are you upstairs Terence? calls Baby Pierre. They're going!
No reply is down-coming.
And I'm going too! shouts Baby Pierre.
Nothing.
......
In Feebee's bedroom muffled giggles come from under the bed.
That's where Terence is hiding, with Feebee.
We'll get up really early, says Feebee.
How will we get there? asks Terence.
I know, says Feebee. We'll steal a map.
Can you read? asks Terence.
Course I can, says Feebee.
......
Here he is! calls Nina.
She drags Terence out from under.
She hauls him downstairs.
Good, now they can go.
Enjoy your ferry ride to Gran Canaria tomorrow, says Maricruz.
Thank you, says Gaius.
Thank you, says Kong.
Thank you, says Baby Pierre.
And thank you for my box, says Daniel O'Connell.
How polite they all are, except Terence.
....
They have gone.
Only White Slits is left on the table.
Absently, Maricruz crushes White Slits with her finger.
Jesús, Grandma! says Nina.
Friday, December 9, 2016
Memory Tricks
Maricruz makes more hot chocolate.
Gaius calls Ying.
Gaius! says Ying. Are you guys still in San Cristobál de La Laguna?
No we're in Santa Cruz, says Gaius. Where are you now?
Just leaving La Caleta, says Ying. We've been on Magic Seaweed and the boys want to try La Izquierda, against my advice.
Why? Is it dangerous? asks Gaius.
Yes, says Ying. Sucky and hollow, sharp rocks and a smackable wall, whatever that means.
How goes the postcard collection? asks Gaius.
Wet, says Ying. Drying out as we speak, though.
Is it growing? asks Gaius.
Er, no, says Ying. Have you been taking photos?
I have a nice one of a lagarto tizón, says Gaius. A lizard. Just before he ran off with our box.
I mean photos of Daniel O'Connell, says Ying. We could make our own postcards. It would be cheaper.
A good idea, says Gaius. I'll get Kong onto it. Now the reason I called is, where are we staying tonight?
Nowhere, says Ying. I thought you'd still be in La Laguna. I'll book you in at the Horizontal. We stayed there. It was okay-ish.
All right, says Gaius. And secondly, will you book us a ride on the ferry to Gran Canaria tomorrow?
Chasing the loxosceles? says Ying. No luck with the nidicolens?
What an excellent memory you have, says Gaius. Yes, no luck. Daniel O'Connell and White Slits are calling it quits.
Get a photo, says Ying.
I will, by the way, I don't suppose Arthur....
Blip......burrrrr.
Well, that's sorted, says Gaius. We're staying at the Hotel Horizontal, and catching the ferry to Gran Canaria tomorrow.
Not me, says Terence. I have an excellent memory.
Does he? asks Nina.
Ask him, says Baby Pierre.
What do you remember? asks Nina.
Parrots, says Terence.
No one seems impressed with this memory.
Terence tries harder.
A thousand parrots, and tigers and dolphins and penguins!
Parque Loro! says Nina. He wants to go to Parque Loro.
The Rector said I had to, says Terence.
He said you might like it, says Kong. Not that you had to.
Yes, says Terence. So I would have to.
Stupid, says Baby Pierre.
You wouldn't like it, says Nina. We went there. They made parrots ride bikes. I think it's wrong to make parrots do tricks to entertain humans.
I'm definitely going, says Terence. I want to rescue a parrot.
We'll see about that, says Gaius. Now Kong, how about a photo of Daniel O'Connell and White Slits, before we head off.
Kong gets his phone out and looks around for Daniel O'Connell and White Slits.
They are saying goodbye.
I'll keep in touch, says Daniel O'Connell.
Do that, says White Slits. If you find any relatives in Gran Canaria, send me a photo.
How about a photo right now? says Kong. Ready?
They both strike a pose. She a Lola Montez-style flirty twist and he a Joycean knee- bender.
Click!
Good one! says Kong.
Everyone crowds round to look at the photo.
Gaius calls Ying.
Gaius! says Ying. Are you guys still in San Cristobál de La Laguna?
No we're in Santa Cruz, says Gaius. Where are you now?
Just leaving La Caleta, says Ying. We've been on Magic Seaweed and the boys want to try La Izquierda, against my advice.
Why? Is it dangerous? asks Gaius.
Yes, says Ying. Sucky and hollow, sharp rocks and a smackable wall, whatever that means.
How goes the postcard collection? asks Gaius.
Wet, says Ying. Drying out as we speak, though.
Is it growing? asks Gaius.
Er, no, says Ying. Have you been taking photos?
I have a nice one of a lagarto tizón, says Gaius. A lizard. Just before he ran off with our box.
I mean photos of Daniel O'Connell, says Ying. We could make our own postcards. It would be cheaper.
A good idea, says Gaius. I'll get Kong onto it. Now the reason I called is, where are we staying tonight?
Nowhere, says Ying. I thought you'd still be in La Laguna. I'll book you in at the Horizontal. We stayed there. It was okay-ish.
All right, says Gaius. And secondly, will you book us a ride on the ferry to Gran Canaria tomorrow?
Chasing the loxosceles? says Ying. No luck with the nidicolens?
What an excellent memory you have, says Gaius. Yes, no luck. Daniel O'Connell and White Slits are calling it quits.
Get a photo, says Ying.
I will, by the way, I don't suppose Arthur....
Blip......burrrrr.
Well, that's sorted, says Gaius. We're staying at the Hotel Horizontal, and catching the ferry to Gran Canaria tomorrow.
Not me, says Terence. I have an excellent memory.
Does he? asks Nina.
Ask him, says Baby Pierre.
What do you remember? asks Nina.
Parrots, says Terence.
No one seems impressed with this memory.
Terence tries harder.
A thousand parrots, and tigers and dolphins and penguins!
Parque Loro! says Nina. He wants to go to Parque Loro.
The Rector said I had to, says Terence.
He said you might like it, says Kong. Not that you had to.
Yes, says Terence. So I would have to.
Stupid, says Baby Pierre.
You wouldn't like it, says Nina. We went there. They made parrots ride bikes. I think it's wrong to make parrots do tricks to entertain humans.
I'm definitely going, says Terence. I want to rescue a parrot.
We'll see about that, says Gaius. Now Kong, how about a photo of Daniel O'Connell and White Slits, before we head off.
Kong gets his phone out and looks around for Daniel O'Connell and White Slits.
They are saying goodbye.
I'll keep in touch, says Daniel O'Connell.
Do that, says White Slits. If you find any relatives in Gran Canaria, send me a photo.
How about a photo right now? says Kong. Ready?
They both strike a pose. She a Lola Montez-style flirty twist and he a Joycean knee- bender.
Click!
Good one! says Kong.
Everyone crowds round to look at the photo.
Thursday, December 8, 2016
DNA Means You Can't
Come inside, says Maricruz. And bring the spiders.
They all traipse inside.
The kitchen smells of hot chocolate and donuts.
Well, says Maricruz. Are the spiders related?
We are not related, says Daniel O'Connell. We're in total agreement on that.
Yes, says White Slits. We're unrelated.
On what grounds do you base that opinion? asks Gaius.
DNA, says Daniel O'Connell. It's private.
I shall get to the bottom of this, says Gaius.
DNA, says White Slits. That means you can't.
DNA doesn't mean you can't, says Nina. It means the opposite.
You can, says Terence.
You can't. That's the opposite, says Feebee.
Are you still here? says Maricruz. Go up to bed, Feebee.
DNA, says Feebee. I can't.
Why not? asks her grandma.
DNA, says Feebee.
Now you're just being naughty, says Maricruz.
I'll take her, says Nina. Come on Feebee.
Can Terence come with me? asks Feebee.
No! says Terence.
We can play, whispers Feebee.
What? asks Terence.
You be the baby, says Feebee. I'll be the mummy. I'll cuddle you.
This is tempting.
But Terence isn't allowed to go upstairs with Feebee and Nina.
He plonks himself down on the floor.
So, says Gaius, our quest must continue.
Where will you go? asks Maricruz.
Gran Canaria, says Gaius. I believe a new endemic lineage of the spider genus loxosceles has been found there.
There? says Maricruz. Are you certain? There are loxosceles right here.
No, no, says Gaius. I read about the new lineage in Science Daily. They're not the same as the presently recorded L. rufuscens, a species which was probably introduced here by humans.
Suit yourself, says Maricruz. No doubt your crowd-funded escapade will stretch to a ferry ride.
Jumping Jupiter! says Gaius. That reminds me. We must contact Ying!
Ying has all the money, explains Baby Pierre.
And where is Ying? asks Maricruz.
On the west coast says Gaius. Surfing.
With Sweezus and Arthur? says Terence. I wish I could go surfing.
You'd sink, says Baby Pierre.
Nina comes back.
I found out what Feebee thinks DNA means, says Nina.
What? asks her grandma.
Do not ask, says Nina.
Pfftt! Who doesn't know that? says Terence.
They all traipse inside.
The kitchen smells of hot chocolate and donuts.
Well, says Maricruz. Are the spiders related?
We are not related, says Daniel O'Connell. We're in total agreement on that.
Yes, says White Slits. We're unrelated.
On what grounds do you base that opinion? asks Gaius.
DNA, says Daniel O'Connell. It's private.
I shall get to the bottom of this, says Gaius.
DNA, says White Slits. That means you can't.
DNA doesn't mean you can't, says Nina. It means the opposite.
You can, says Terence.
You can't. That's the opposite, says Feebee.
Are you still here? says Maricruz. Go up to bed, Feebee.
DNA, says Feebee. I can't.
Why not? asks her grandma.
DNA, says Feebee.
Now you're just being naughty, says Maricruz.
I'll take her, says Nina. Come on Feebee.
Can Terence come with me? asks Feebee.
No! says Terence.
We can play, whispers Feebee.
What? asks Terence.
You be the baby, says Feebee. I'll be the mummy. I'll cuddle you.
This is tempting.
But Terence isn't allowed to go upstairs with Feebee and Nina.
He plonks himself down on the floor.
So, says Gaius, our quest must continue.
Where will you go? asks Maricruz.
Gran Canaria, says Gaius. I believe a new endemic lineage of the spider genus loxosceles has been found there.
There? says Maricruz. Are you certain? There are loxosceles right here.
No, no, says Gaius. I read about the new lineage in Science Daily. They're not the same as the presently recorded L. rufuscens, a species which was probably introduced here by humans.
Suit yourself, says Maricruz. No doubt your crowd-funded escapade will stretch to a ferry ride.
Jumping Jupiter! says Gaius. That reminds me. We must contact Ying!
Ying has all the money, explains Baby Pierre.
And where is Ying? asks Maricruz.
On the west coast says Gaius. Surfing.
With Sweezus and Arthur? says Terence. I wish I could go surfing.
You'd sink, says Baby Pierre.
Nina comes back.
I found out what Feebee thinks DNA means, says Nina.
What? asks her grandma.
Do not ask, says Nina.
Pfftt! Who doesn't know that? says Terence.
Wednesday, December 7, 2016
Hangers On
Diego drops them on the street where Maricruz lives.
Thank you, Diego, says Kong. Enjoy your whistle class.
I hope you find your spiders, says Diego. If you do, please send me a photo.
Certainly, says Kong. What's your number?
They exchange numbers, and Diego drives off to his whistle class.
Now, Baby Pierre, says Gaius. Which house is it?
That one, with pink curtains, says Baby Pierre. I should go first.
Why? says Terence.
Because she knows me, says Baby Pierre. She doesn't know any of you.
He marches up to the the front door of Maricruz's house, and starts knocking.
Nina opens the door.
Baby Pierre! cries Nina. Come in! We're having hot chocolate with churros.
Baby Pierre goes inside, and doesn't come out again.
Now what? says Kong.
We can't wait forever, says Gaius. It's getting dark. I say we go round the back and see if Daniel O'Connell has found his relatives.
Yes, they may be in the garden shed, says Kong. Quietly does it.
They tiptoe round the back, but Terence is not being quiet.
Crunch crunch!
An upstairs window opens and a child's head appears. It's Feebee.
Gaius and Kong are obscured by the garden shed, but Feebee spots Terence.
Bebe-jesús! ! cries Feebee. Stay there, Bebe-jesús! I'm coming!
No way, mutters Terence.
There are sounds of gaiety emitting from under the door cracks and window gaps of the garden shed.
Irish gaiety.
Tara-diddley dee!
Gaius peers in through an ivy-covered window.
Look at this, Kong, says Gaius. Tell me that they're not related.
It's not PROOF though, says Kong.
Let's go in, says Gaius. He pushes the door. Squeak-squoo!
The music stops. The Lola Montezes stop dancing.
So do the James Joyces.
And then Feebee appears, in pyjamas.
I'm not allowed down here, says Feebee.
And this is WHY! says a stern woman's voice.
Sorry, Grandma, says Feebee. I saw a Bebe-jesús.
You didn't, says Terence.
Feebee looks at her Grandma.
This will be Baby Pierre's parrot-obsessed friend, Terence, says Maricruz, and you gentlemen will be the ungrateful hangers-on he was telling us about. Have you found Daniel O'Connell? I hear he's been having a romantic adventure.
She shines a torch round the garden shed.
It lights up Daniel O'Connell and White Slits, their fifteen legs romantically entangled.
Thank you, Diego, says Kong. Enjoy your whistle class.
I hope you find your spiders, says Diego. If you do, please send me a photo.
Certainly, says Kong. What's your number?
They exchange numbers, and Diego drives off to his whistle class.
Now, Baby Pierre, says Gaius. Which house is it?
That one, with pink curtains, says Baby Pierre. I should go first.
Why? says Terence.
Because she knows me, says Baby Pierre. She doesn't know any of you.
He marches up to the the front door of Maricruz's house, and starts knocking.
Nina opens the door.
Baby Pierre! cries Nina. Come in! We're having hot chocolate with churros.
Baby Pierre goes inside, and doesn't come out again.
Now what? says Kong.
We can't wait forever, says Gaius. It's getting dark. I say we go round the back and see if Daniel O'Connell has found his relatives.
Yes, they may be in the garden shed, says Kong. Quietly does it.
They tiptoe round the back, but Terence is not being quiet.
Crunch crunch!
An upstairs window opens and a child's head appears. It's Feebee.
Gaius and Kong are obscured by the garden shed, but Feebee spots Terence.
Bebe-jesús! ! cries Feebee. Stay there, Bebe-jesús! I'm coming!
No way, mutters Terence.
There are sounds of gaiety emitting from under the door cracks and window gaps of the garden shed.
Irish gaiety.
Tara-diddley dee!
Gaius peers in through an ivy-covered window.
Look at this, Kong, says Gaius. Tell me that they're not related.
It's not PROOF though, says Kong.
Let's go in, says Gaius. He pushes the door. Squeak-squoo!
The music stops. The Lola Montezes stop dancing.
So do the James Joyces.
And then Feebee appears, in pyjamas.
I'm not allowed down here, says Feebee.
And this is WHY! says a stern woman's voice.
Sorry, Grandma, says Feebee. I saw a Bebe-jesús.
You didn't, says Terence.
Feebee looks at her Grandma.
This will be Baby Pierre's parrot-obsessed friend, Terence, says Maricruz, and you gentlemen will be the ungrateful hangers-on he was telling us about. Have you found Daniel O'Connell? I hear he's been having a romantic adventure.
She shines a torch round the garden shed.
It lights up Daniel O'Connell and White Slits, their fifteen legs romantically entangled.
Tuesday, December 6, 2016
Masterpiece Of The Intangible
Thanks to Kong asking nicely, Diego has agreed to give them a lift to Santa Cruz.
He'll be leaving shortly.
Soon they are squeezing into his tiny car.
Gaius is in front with Diego.
Kong is in the back seat, with Terence and Baby Pierre.
This is kind of you, says Gaius. You've saved us catching the bus. And who knows how long we would have to have waited.
Not long, says Diego. There's a bus right behind us.
So there is, says Gaius. It seems we've discommoded you for no reason.
Not at all says Diego. It's good to have company.
I never thanked you properly for the spider legs, says Gaius.
Compliments! says Terence.
That's not compliments, hisses Baby Pierre.
What is it? asks Terence.
A thank you, says Baby Pierre.
For the compliments, says Terence. Cannot but be.
(Baby Pierre giggles. Hee hee. He had forgotten about 'cannot but be').
You're welcome, says Diego. The legs helped me with my PhD project.
And what class are you going to this evening? asks Kong. The Rector mentioned ....Silbo?
Yes, my Silbo Gomero class , says Diego. Bet you don't know what that is.
Kong waits a moment, to see if know-it-all Gaius knows what that is.
He doesn't.
No, says Kong. It seems that we don't know what that is.
Diego whistles, in a meaningful manner. Pheee-ooo, pheee-uh, pheee-eee!
Might I surmise that they are whistling classes? asks Gaius.
My guess exactly, says Kong.
A superfluous guess then, says Gaius.
Do it again, Diego, says Terence.
I'm not very good, says Diego. I'm just a beginner silbador. Silbo Gomero is an ancient form of whistled speech in the Canaries. It almost died out, but now there's a revival.
Whistled speech, says Kong. What is it used for?
Communicating over long distances, says Diego. Like ravines and narrow valleys. The old people used it. The Guanche. But they whistled in Guanche, an extinct Berber language. These days we whistle in Spanish.
Remarkable, says Gaius. You whistle in Spanish. How does that work?
The whistle emulates Spanish phonology through a reduced set of phonemes, says Diego.
Gaius looks sceptical.
Kong thinks it sounds like a great deal of trouble. Don't people use phones now, not phonemes?
Terence tries his own whistle. Beee!
His cement lips won't do it.
Weee! says Baby Pierre.
He can't do it either.
Pheee-eee! says Diego, slowing down, momentarily, to give them a proper example.
Silbo Gomero was declared a Masterpiece of the Oral and Intangible Heritage of Humanity by UNESCO in 2009, says Diego.
I don't doubt it, says Gaius.
The bus to Santa Cruz flashes its head lights, and passes.
He'll be leaving shortly.
Soon they are squeezing into his tiny car.
Gaius is in front with Diego.
Kong is in the back seat, with Terence and Baby Pierre.
This is kind of you, says Gaius. You've saved us catching the bus. And who knows how long we would have to have waited.
Not long, says Diego. There's a bus right behind us.
So there is, says Gaius. It seems we've discommoded you for no reason.
Not at all says Diego. It's good to have company.
I never thanked you properly for the spider legs, says Gaius.
Compliments! says Terence.
That's not compliments, hisses Baby Pierre.
What is it? asks Terence.
A thank you, says Baby Pierre.
For the compliments, says Terence. Cannot but be.
(Baby Pierre giggles. Hee hee. He had forgotten about 'cannot but be').
You're welcome, says Diego. The legs helped me with my PhD project.
And what class are you going to this evening? asks Kong. The Rector mentioned ....Silbo?
Yes, my Silbo Gomero class , says Diego. Bet you don't know what that is.
Kong waits a moment, to see if know-it-all Gaius knows what that is.
He doesn't.
No, says Kong. It seems that we don't know what that is.
Diego whistles, in a meaningful manner. Pheee-ooo, pheee-uh, pheee-eee!
Might I surmise that they are whistling classes? asks Gaius.
My guess exactly, says Kong.
A superfluous guess then, says Gaius.
Do it again, Diego, says Terence.
I'm not very good, says Diego. I'm just a beginner silbador. Silbo Gomero is an ancient form of whistled speech in the Canaries. It almost died out, but now there's a revival.
Whistled speech, says Kong. What is it used for?
Communicating over long distances, says Diego. Like ravines and narrow valleys. The old people used it. The Guanche. But they whistled in Guanche, an extinct Berber language. These days we whistle in Spanish.
Remarkable, says Gaius. You whistle in Spanish. How does that work?
The whistle emulates Spanish phonology through a reduced set of phonemes, says Diego.
Gaius looks sceptical.
Kong thinks it sounds like a great deal of trouble. Don't people use phones now, not phonemes?
Terence tries his own whistle. Beee!
His cement lips won't do it.
Weee! says Baby Pierre.
He can't do it either.
Pheee-eee! says Diego, slowing down, momentarily, to give them a proper example.
Silbo Gomero was declared a Masterpiece of the Oral and Intangible Heritage of Humanity by UNESCO in 2009, says Diego.
I don't doubt it, says Gaius.
The bus to Santa Cruz flashes its head lights, and passes.
Monday, December 5, 2016
The One Who's Done Everything
Where did they go? asks Gaius.
To the bus stop, says Baby Pierre.
Follow them, Kong, says Gaius. Find out where they're going.
Kong ambles off down the drive, and bumps into the Rector.
Leaving already? asks the Rector.
No, says Kong. Just tailing the spiders.
Plural? says the Rector.
Long story, says Kong. There's a female, name of White Slits. They ran off together. Oh damn! There goes the bus.
Don't tell me they're catching a bus! says the Rector.
Baby Pierre thought so, says Kong. That bus, you don't happen to know where it's going?
It's the Santa Cruz bus, says the Rector. By the way, how did you go with the solvent?
Didn't need it, says Kong. White Slits used her own spittle.
Well, well, says the Rector. Her own spittle. And the red blob came off?
It did, says Kong. It's there under that tree, rolled out like a leg, only longer.
They stroll back to the tree.
Any luck? asks Gaius.
They're on the bus to Santa Cruz together, says Kong.
I could have told you that, says Baby Pierre. And I know where they'll go when they get there.
Smart arse, says Terence.
I'm the one who's done everything, says Baby Pierre. I found a Jumping Spider, and I brought her to the University. And I'm the only one who knows where she's going, now she's escaped.
She's escaped with Daniel O'Connell, says Gaius. We must go straight away to Santa Cruz.
I should be going inside, says the Rector. Paperwork and so on.
Yes, of course, says Gaius. I didn't expect a lift. How often does the bus run?
I'm not sure, says the Rector, But Diego might give you a lift. He's got Silbo classes this evening. Why don't you pop in and ask him?
You go, Kong, says Gaius. You have a wheedling way with you.
Thank you, Gaius, says Kong. That is the first time you've given me a compliment.
I never get one, says Terence. I'm coming with you.
Idiot, says Baby Pierre, you won't get one going with Kong.
Okay, says Terence. How do I get one?
You do something nice, says Baby Pierre, and then someone thanks you.
No one thanked you, says Terence.
It's true, and Baby Pierre can't refute it.
To the bus stop, says Baby Pierre.
Follow them, Kong, says Gaius. Find out where they're going.
Kong ambles off down the drive, and bumps into the Rector.
Leaving already? asks the Rector.
No, says Kong. Just tailing the spiders.
Plural? says the Rector.
Long story, says Kong. There's a female, name of White Slits. They ran off together. Oh damn! There goes the bus.
Don't tell me they're catching a bus! says the Rector.
Baby Pierre thought so, says Kong. That bus, you don't happen to know where it's going?
It's the Santa Cruz bus, says the Rector. By the way, how did you go with the solvent?
Didn't need it, says Kong. White Slits used her own spittle.
Well, well, says the Rector. Her own spittle. And the red blob came off?
It did, says Kong. It's there under that tree, rolled out like a leg, only longer.
They stroll back to the tree.
Any luck? asks Gaius.
They're on the bus to Santa Cruz together, says Kong.
I could have told you that, says Baby Pierre. And I know where they'll go when they get there.
Smart arse, says Terence.
I'm the one who's done everything, says Baby Pierre. I found a Jumping Spider, and I brought her to the University. And I'm the only one who knows where she's going, now she's escaped.
She's escaped with Daniel O'Connell, says Gaius. We must go straight away to Santa Cruz.
I should be going inside, says the Rector. Paperwork and so on.
Yes, of course, says Gaius. I didn't expect a lift. How often does the bus run?
I'm not sure, says the Rector, But Diego might give you a lift. He's got Silbo classes this evening. Why don't you pop in and ask him?
You go, Kong, says Gaius. You have a wheedling way with you.
Thank you, Gaius, says Kong. That is the first time you've given me a compliment.
I never get one, says Terence. I'm coming with you.
Idiot, says Baby Pierre, you won't get one going with Kong.
Okay, says Terence. How do I get one?
You do something nice, says Baby Pierre, and then someone thanks you.
No one thanked you, says Terence.
It's true, and Baby Pierre can't refute it.
Sunday, December 4, 2016
It Comes Out Of Your Head
I was right. (I knew I would be). A bus is coming.
White Slits and Daniel O'Connell get on.
Where are we going? asks Daniel O'Connell.
I told you, says White Slits. My nook.
But where is it? asks Daniel O'Connell.
In Santa Cruz, says White Slits. Maricruz's back garden. There's a whole heap of us, all related.
To me? asks Daniel O'Connell.
To you? says White Slits. I hope not.
You don't say, says Daniel O'Connell. Why do you hope not?
Look at you, says White Slits.
The whole point of me coming, says Daniel O'Connell, was to see if I'm related.
We'll see if anyone recognises you, says White Slits. But don't hold your breath.
Can't, says Daniel O'Connell.
Me either, says White Slits.
Then why say it? asks Daniel O'Connell.
Why say anything? asks White Slits. Because it comes out of your head. You know, like James Joyce.
Oh. Yes, indeed, says Daniel O'Connell. I've read all his books. Very funny.
What is home without Plumtrees Potted Meat? says White Slits.
Pardon? says Daniel O'Connell.
Finish it, says White Slits.
What is home without Plumtrees Potted Meat?
Incomplete, guesses Daniel O'Connell
Good guess, Daniel O'Connell!
You would scarcely believe he was not really Irish.
So what is he, having lived all his life (until recently) in a poisonous underground cave?
If ANYTHING, he is Romanian.
But White Slits believes with all her heart that Daniel O'Connell is Irish.
And he has just proved it, with a fitting word:
Incomplete.
With it, an abode of bliss, says White Slits.
Bliss, echoes Daniel O'Connell, as the bus rumbles onwards.
White Slits and Daniel O'Connell get on.
Where are we going? asks Daniel O'Connell.
I told you, says White Slits. My nook.
But where is it? asks Daniel O'Connell.
In Santa Cruz, says White Slits. Maricruz's back garden. There's a whole heap of us, all related.
To me? asks Daniel O'Connell.
To you? says White Slits. I hope not.
You don't say, says Daniel O'Connell. Why do you hope not?
Look at you, says White Slits.
The whole point of me coming, says Daniel O'Connell, was to see if I'm related.
We'll see if anyone recognises you, says White Slits. But don't hold your breath.
Can't, says Daniel O'Connell.
Me either, says White Slits.
Then why say it? asks Daniel O'Connell.
Why say anything? asks White Slits. Because it comes out of your head. You know, like James Joyce.
Oh. Yes, indeed, says Daniel O'Connell. I've read all his books. Very funny.
What is home without Plumtrees Potted Meat? says White Slits.
Pardon? says Daniel O'Connell.
Finish it, says White Slits.
What is home without Plumtrees Potted Meat?
Incomplete, guesses Daniel O'Connell
Good guess, Daniel O'Connell!
You would scarcely believe he was not really Irish.
So what is he, having lived all his life (until recently) in a poisonous underground cave?
If ANYTHING, he is Romanian.
But White Slits believes with all her heart that Daniel O'Connell is Irish.
And he has just proved it, with a fitting word:
Incomplete.
With it, an abode of bliss, says White Slits.
Bliss, echoes Daniel O'Connell, as the bus rumbles onwards.
Saturday, December 3, 2016
Not Actual Fingers
She does a spider dance, says Baby Pierre.
I do a Spider Dance says Daniel O'Connell. At least, I did, before I became unbalanced.
Let me see, says White Slits. Is it Dragon's Blood?
It is, says Gaius. And we're going inside to see if Diego can find us a solvent.
What a relief that will be, says Daniel O'Connell.
White Slits pokes at the red blob beside the hole near Daniel's bottom.
( It's not his bottom. She knows that. But Terence's cruel description will not leave her).
It's potentially pliable, says White Slits. Lie down.
Daniel O'Connell is not one to say no to a woman.
He lies down.
She spits on the Dragon's Blood. Works it, with four of her fingers.
( Not actual fingers)
It gets softer, with warming.
She pulls it. It stretches. Then ping. It comes off in a ball of red gobble.
Many thanks, dear White Slits, says Daniel O'Connell.
I am not finished, says White Slits. Come here, Baby Pierre.
What about me? asks Terence.
Not you, says White Slits. I want Baby Pierre to roll this red ball out.
What if the colour comes off? asks Baby Pierre.
You'll be RED, says Terence. I wish I could do it.
Here, says Gaius. I'll do it.
He rolls the red blob with his fingers. It gets longer and thinner.
Stop, says White Slits. It's too long, now.
For what? asks Gaius.
A new leg, says Kong. Surely you knew where this was going?
I didn't, says Gaius. But now you say it, it's obvious. What a pity. I could have stopped any time.
Yes, what a pity.
Never mind, says White Slits. The red blob is off. That's something. Let's see you dance.
Daniel stands up. Feels himself wobbly. He tries a few steps.
Then he tries the Spider Dance. Yes, he still has it. Just like James Joyce in the Parisian café.
Long spider legs flailing. One missing. Unlike Joyce, who only had two in the first place. But the similarity is uncanny, especially if you haven't seen it.
Daniel stops dancing. How did I do?
Bravo! says White Slits. Would you like to see mine now?
Not in front of everyone, says Daniel O'Connell. And sadly my red box has floated over the sea to the Roques de Anaga, with a lizard its only passenger. I have no home in which to entertain you.
Come back with me to the garden shed, says White Slits. I have a nook there.
No, says Gaius. I need you both here. Now where was that Chem Lab?
Biology Lab, don't you mean? says Kong. You need them living.
Yes, yes, says Gaius. I mean the Biology Lab. Go and find it. Try that way. Now.... where are those spiders?
Terence and Baby Pierre watch as White Slits and Daniel O'Connell disappear in the direction of the bus stop.
And this time, a bus will be coming.
I do a Spider Dance says Daniel O'Connell. At least, I did, before I became unbalanced.
Let me see, says White Slits. Is it Dragon's Blood?
It is, says Gaius. And we're going inside to see if Diego can find us a solvent.
What a relief that will be, says Daniel O'Connell.
White Slits pokes at the red blob beside the hole near Daniel's bottom.
( It's not his bottom. She knows that. But Terence's cruel description will not leave her).
It's potentially pliable, says White Slits. Lie down.
Daniel O'Connell is not one to say no to a woman.
He lies down.
She spits on the Dragon's Blood. Works it, with four of her fingers.
( Not actual fingers)
It gets softer, with warming.
She pulls it. It stretches. Then ping. It comes off in a ball of red gobble.
Many thanks, dear White Slits, says Daniel O'Connell.
I am not finished, says White Slits. Come here, Baby Pierre.
What about me? asks Terence.
Not you, says White Slits. I want Baby Pierre to roll this red ball out.
What if the colour comes off? asks Baby Pierre.
You'll be RED, says Terence. I wish I could do it.
Here, says Gaius. I'll do it.
He rolls the red blob with his fingers. It gets longer and thinner.
Stop, says White Slits. It's too long, now.
For what? asks Gaius.
A new leg, says Kong. Surely you knew where this was going?
I didn't, says Gaius. But now you say it, it's obvious. What a pity. I could have stopped any time.
Yes, what a pity.
Never mind, says White Slits. The red blob is off. That's something. Let's see you dance.
Daniel stands up. Feels himself wobbly. He tries a few steps.
Then he tries the Spider Dance. Yes, he still has it. Just like James Joyce in the Parisian café.
Long spider legs flailing. One missing. Unlike Joyce, who only had two in the first place. But the similarity is uncanny, especially if you haven't seen it.
Daniel stops dancing. How did I do?
Bravo! says White Slits. Would you like to see mine now?
Not in front of everyone, says Daniel O'Connell. And sadly my red box has floated over the sea to the Roques de Anaga, with a lizard its only passenger. I have no home in which to entertain you.
Come back with me to the garden shed, says White Slits. I have a nook there.
No, says Gaius. I need you both here. Now where was that Chem Lab?
Biology Lab, don't you mean? says Kong. You need them living.
Yes, yes, says Gaius. I mean the Biology Lab. Go and find it. Try that way. Now.... where are those spiders?
Terence and Baby Pierre watch as White Slits and Daniel O'Connell disappear in the direction of the bus stop.
And this time, a bus will be coming.
Friday, December 2, 2016
He Avoids It
Terence stops at the tree, to kick leaves.
Hello Terence, says Baby Pierre. Guess who I am.
I know who you are, says Terence.
Exactly, says Baby Pierre. And when did you notice I was missing?
Just now, says Terence. You might as well ask me the same question.
What? says Baby Pierre.
Which one was missing? asks Terence. Me or you?
At least you were HERE, says Baby Pierre.
I wasn't, says Terence. I went on a tour. I went to the top of the island. I caught a lizard.
Good for you, says Baby Pierre. I was left behind in Barcelona. I've got a bone to pick with Daniel O'Connell. Where is he?
Coming, says Terence. He had an accident.
We know, says Baby Pierre. This is White Slits.
Hello, says White Slits. Tell me, is he capable of dancing?
Yes, says Terence. He has seven legs, four normal ones, three dicky ones and a hole with a red blob near his bottom.
A cruel description.
White Slits is not sure she wants to meet Daniel O'Connell.
But she is about to.
Kong and Gaius saunter up.
Look, says Terence. Baby Pierre's here, and this is White Slits. She wants to meet Daniel O'Connell.
Gaius peers down.
Well done, Baby Pierre! says Gaius. You've found a specimen! Where was she?
I can speak for myself, says White Slits. I found him in the garden shed. And where is this Daniel O'Connell, friend of James Joyce?
I have him, says Kong. But he is indisposed at the moment.
Put me down! cries Daniel O'Connell.
Kong puts him down on the grass beside White Slits.
She looks at him. Her eyes fill with questions.
What is it? says Daniel O'Connell.
The ineluctable modality of the visible, says White Slits.
( A trap for the unwary)
When I die, Dublin will be written in my heart, says Daniel O'Connell.
( Well done. He avoids it)
Hello Terence, says Baby Pierre. Guess who I am.
I know who you are, says Terence.
Exactly, says Baby Pierre. And when did you notice I was missing?
Just now, says Terence. You might as well ask me the same question.
What? says Baby Pierre.
Which one was missing? asks Terence. Me or you?
At least you were HERE, says Baby Pierre.
I wasn't, says Terence. I went on a tour. I went to the top of the island. I caught a lizard.
Good for you, says Baby Pierre. I was left behind in Barcelona. I've got a bone to pick with Daniel O'Connell. Where is he?
Coming, says Terence. He had an accident.
We know, says Baby Pierre. This is White Slits.
Hello, says White Slits. Tell me, is he capable of dancing?
Yes, says Terence. He has seven legs, four normal ones, three dicky ones and a hole with a red blob near his bottom.
A cruel description.
White Slits is not sure she wants to meet Daniel O'Connell.
But she is about to.
Kong and Gaius saunter up.
Look, says Terence. Baby Pierre's here, and this is White Slits. She wants to meet Daniel O'Connell.
Gaius peers down.
Well done, Baby Pierre! says Gaius. You've found a specimen! Where was she?
I can speak for myself, says White Slits. I found him in the garden shed. And where is this Daniel O'Connell, friend of James Joyce?
I have him, says Kong. But he is indisposed at the moment.
Put me down! cries Daniel O'Connell.
Kong puts him down on the grass beside White Slits.
She looks at him. Her eyes fill with questions.
What is it? says Daniel O'Connell.
The ineluctable modality of the visible, says White Slits.
( A trap for the unwary)
When I die, Dublin will be written in my heart, says Daniel O'Connell.
( Well done. He avoids it)
Thursday, December 1, 2016
And The Climax Was When
Under the tree, in the grounds of the University de La Laguna.
White Slits is becoming impatient. It is well after lunch time.
She practises some dance steps.
What are you doing? asks Baby Pierre.
Practising dance steps, says White Slits. This is the spider dance.
She shakes her legs, one after the other.
It's A spider dance, says Baby Pierre. Not THE spider dance. Daniel O'Connell's is different.
This is a female spider dance, says White Slits. Made famous by Lola Montez.
Was she a spider? asks Baby Pierre.
No, she was Irish, says White Slits. A human.
So, two legs only, says Baby Pierre. How did she do it?
It was in the mid 1850s, says White Slits. She wore knee length skirts with lots of petticoats.
What are petticoats? asks Baby Pierre.
Frilly under-skirts, says White Slits.
Okay, says Baby Pierre. Then what?
Then she raised them up and flicked them and touched her legs with her fingers. I can't do that part.
You could if.... says Baby Pierre.
He stops. What if she ....? But it might be inappropriate.
No, says White Slits. I couldn't. But she could. And the miners went wild.
Miners? says Baby Pierre. Oh I get it. Was it in the goldfields?
Yes, in the goldfields, dancing for the miners, says White Slits. And the music got faster and faster, and she pretended there were spiders on her and she had to shake them out of her petticoats and she was flicking, and showing her legs and the music got more and more feverish and the climax was when she found a spider and stomped on it. Bam! But I don't do that bit. I just go faster and faster. It's fun.
She twirls faster and faster. Then she drops on the grass beside Baby Pierre. A few yellow leaves from the tree drift down beside her.
You see! says White Slits. When Lola stopped dancing, she was showered with gold.
Baby Pierre likes this story. It's perfect.
What time is it?
Half past two.
The Rector pulls up in the Opel Astra.
Kong gets out. Then Gaius and Terence. They are on their way to the Eng and Tech lab, but first they must go past the tree.
Here they are! cries Baby Pierre. They're coming!
Which one is him? asks White Slits.
None of them, says Baby Pierre. That's Gaius, that's Kong and that's Terence.
So where's Daniel O'Connell? asks White Slits, arranging her legs prettily.
I don't see him, says Baby Pierre.
White Slits is becoming impatient. It is well after lunch time.
She practises some dance steps.
What are you doing? asks Baby Pierre.
Practising dance steps, says White Slits. This is the spider dance.
She shakes her legs, one after the other.
It's A spider dance, says Baby Pierre. Not THE spider dance. Daniel O'Connell's is different.
This is a female spider dance, says White Slits. Made famous by Lola Montez.
Was she a spider? asks Baby Pierre.
No, she was Irish, says White Slits. A human.
So, two legs only, says Baby Pierre. How did she do it?
It was in the mid 1850s, says White Slits. She wore knee length skirts with lots of petticoats.
What are petticoats? asks Baby Pierre.
Frilly under-skirts, says White Slits.
Okay, says Baby Pierre. Then what?
Then she raised them up and flicked them and touched her legs with her fingers. I can't do that part.
You could if.... says Baby Pierre.
He stops. What if she ....? But it might be inappropriate.
No, says White Slits. I couldn't. But she could. And the miners went wild.
Miners? says Baby Pierre. Oh I get it. Was it in the goldfields?
Yes, in the goldfields, dancing for the miners, says White Slits. And the music got faster and faster, and she pretended there were spiders on her and she had to shake them out of her petticoats and she was flicking, and showing her legs and the music got more and more feverish and the climax was when she found a spider and stomped on it. Bam! But I don't do that bit. I just go faster and faster. It's fun.
She twirls faster and faster. Then she drops on the grass beside Baby Pierre. A few yellow leaves from the tree drift down beside her.
You see! says White Slits. When Lola stopped dancing, she was showered with gold.
Baby Pierre likes this story. It's perfect.
What time is it?
Half past two.
The Rector pulls up in the Opel Astra.
Kong gets out. Then Gaius and Terence. They are on their way to the Eng and Tech lab, but first they must go past the tree.
Here they are! cries Baby Pierre. They're coming!
Which one is him? asks White Slits.
None of them, says Baby Pierre. That's Gaius, that's Kong and that's Terence.
So where's Daniel O'Connell? asks White Slits, arranging her legs prettily.
I don't see him, says Baby Pierre.
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