The Floor Of Answers

It's half an hour on the bus from Las Palmas to the Caldera Bandama.

Terence and the Pesquet are up at the front near the driver.

On holiday? asks the driver.

Yes, says Terence. This is my parrot. We're going into a volcano.

I hope you won't be disappointed, says the driver.

Mid bus, Sweezus stares out of the window.

Mountains, ravines, palm trees, dragon trees, dust.

Looks a bit windy, says Sweezus.

Does it? says Gaius. Indeed, yes it does.

What's our plan? asks Sweezus.

Examine the floor of the crater, says Gaius. Check for loxosceles under rocks and in crannies. I trust you have come prepared?

Yeah, says Sweezus. Got my iphone.

Specimen box, says Gaius. Sensible shoes.

Yeah, says Sweezus.

(as if Havaianas are sensible shoes).

Hat, says Gaius.

Sweezus, doesn't bother to answer.

The bus stops not far from the trail leading to the Caldera.

The loxosceles search team jump out.

Now, says Gaius. Look for a sign post saying 'Camino fondo de caldera'. That's the one we want.

Sweezus spots it. They commence walking down.

It's a rapid descent of 1,264 metres, slippery with volcanic gravel.

Terence starts sliding.

Stop! yells Sweezus.

Can't! cries Terence. I'm just keeping on going!

Sit down!

Terence sits down and continues his slide to the floor of the volcanic crater.

Gaius stops to turn over a rock.

But any spiders have long gone.

Gaius reaches for his notebook.

Sweezus picks up speed, trying not to lose sight of Terence.

His Havaianas act like twin surfboards. Coolio!

Minutes later, he reaches the bottom.

Terence is already there, along with the Pesquet, who flew.

Terence is being lectured by a tourist wearing a sun hat,

I had a sun hat, says Terence. But I got teased. And it's not sunny.

True, at the bottom it's not sunny

You still need a sun hat, says the tourist. You'll be going back up again.

Hi, says Sweezus. You guys were like, super fast getting down here.

Is he yours? asks the tourist.

Yes, says Terence.

This is the answer to what Terence thought the tourist was asking.

Sweezus would have said no.

Awesome down here, says Sweezus. Volcano. Makes you kind of, you know....

It's 2000 years old, says the tourist.

Shit! Is that all? says Sweezus.

I'm not allowed to say that, says Terence.

Me either, says the Pesquet.

It formed when a fissure opened up between two ravines, says the tourist. Spewed out ash and volcanic slag. And see that there? That's the remains of an old threshing circle. Shows people once farmed here.

Yeah right, says Sweezus.

What an arsehole this tourist is. He won't shut up. Just keeps on talking.

The Caldera Bandama was named after a Flemish merchant, Daniel van Damme. Van Damme, get it?

Yeah, that actor, says Sweezus.

But even this doesn't stop him.

No, I believe van Damme settled here and planted vineyards......