The Art of Being The End Product

On the floor of the volcanic crater, shadows are deepening.

Better be heading on up, says the tourist. It takes longer than coming down, I assure you.

See ya, says Sweezus. We have to wait here.

What for? asks the tourist.

Team leader, says Sweezus.

So long then, says the tourist and starts heading up in his sensible non-slip shoes.

I'm hungry, says the Pesquet.

Me too, says Terence.

Stay here. I'll be back shortly, says the Pesquet.

He flies up to look for the Prickly Pear he spotted earlier.

How do you like your present? asks Sweezus.

What present? asks Terence.

This adventure, says Sweezus. Cool huh?

I didn't like that man, says Terence. He told me off for not having a sun hat.

He was a bit of a pain, agrees Sweezus.

..in the bumhole, says Terence.

Will he get into trouble for saying bumhole?

Sweezus appears not to notice.

..in the head, says Sweezus. He knew a lot of stuff though.

What? says Terence.

Like how this place got its name. Maybe you missed it. Van Damme, Bandama.

Missed what? says Terence.

When a name goes into another language, says Sweezus, sometimes it gets, like... not pronounced the same, van damme becomes ban damme and ban damme becomes bandama.

What happened to your name? asks Terence.

End product, says Sweezus. Twitter.

Terence is still thinking about this when the Pesquet returns with a red Prickly Pear in his beak and drops it.

Want some?

It's red, of course Terence wants it.

Did you see Gaius up there? says Sweezus. What's he doing?

Talking, says the Pesquet. To the man with the sun hat. They were poking at little white things.

Sweezus looks up through the gathering gloom.

A sliding sound is heard and a few balls of volcanic gravel start bouncing towards him.

Ouch! says Gaius. These Crocs are useless! What shoes are you wearing?

Havaianas, says Sweezus. They were awesome coming down but I don't reckon they'll get me back up in a hurry.

Damn! says Gaius. But good news, however! Look at these! Spider eggs.

He unfolds them.

Wicked, says Sweezus. Almost as good as real spiders.

Better, says Gaius. As long as...hmm... I need to identify them, of course. There are many different types of spider eggs.

With different spiders inside, says the Pesquet.

Of course, says Gaius, coldly. What I meant was there are different egg types, round ball, disc, squishy, fluffy and spiky.

How do I eat this? asks Terence, confronting his Pear.

Head first, says the Pesquet.

He dives at the Prickly Pear and bursts it open.

You know what? says Sweezus. They make Prickly Pear Ice Cream, on Tenerife.

So what? says Terence.

That's what this is, says Sweezus. A Prickly Pear.

Why is everybody so smart? Why does everybody KNOW everything?

Terence sticks out his little cement tongue. Licks the red pear juice.

Mm. Bubblegum and watermelon. Yum.