Stage One: Unley To Lyndoch - No Clowns

Tuesday. Stage One. Unley to Lyndoch.

An extremely hot day. The riders push ice down the backs of their jerseys.

They ride through Mawson Lakes, and One Tree Hill, into Lyndoch.

This is the Barossa, wine country.

Ying is standing at the side of the road with Terence, under a lemon umbrella.

I HATE being a manager, says Terence.

At least you don't have to ride, says Ying. Your poor team does.

But where ARE they? asks Terence.

Ying looks down the road. Someone is coming. Looks like a rider from Team Astana.

Yes it's Laurens De Vreese.

He is sweating so much that his sweat drops fall on Ying's lemon umbrella.

Go, you! cries Ying.

He takes her advice. Now here comes the main peloton.

Zoom. More sweat drops.

Look, there go Arthur and Pablo,

Let's follow them for a moment.

Pablo: I throw sweat drops to either side of my body....

Arthur: The grapes suck it voraciously and vomit up spots of blue wine.

Pablo: Vomit?

Arthur: Yes. I think vomit works there.

It's poetry. Not very edifying. Let's go back to Ying's lemon umbrella.

There was a CLOWN, says Terence. He was really mean.

That was in France, says Ying. There are no clowns in Lyndoch. Look, here comes Peter Sagan.

Peter Sagan cruises by, with Sam Bennett.  You would never even know they were hot.

And look! Team Philosophe! Is that Gaius? So he's back. Gaius!

Gaius looks up. He's riding Schopenhauer's bicycle.

Words in his head... is it Schopenhauer? From the brave and good ( pedal, pedal) are the brave descended, (sweat, sweat). Well no, Gaius prefers to think that it's Horace.

( It's Schopenhauer, quoting Horace, but his bicycle may not know that).

Marcel Duchamp sails by, in between Vello and David.

Let's follow.

Marcel Duchamp: It was that same scooter wheel, but with modifications. Tiny struts and delicate beadings, connected by finely wrought webs.

Vello: If you say so.

David: Pshaw!

Yes, but Duchamp must have seen something. My guess is someone from the PARROT TEAM.

Sweezus is led out by Diego.

Diego is being quite useful.

Sweezus looks good, he might just nail it today. Yes.... no.... Caleb Ewan comes up behind him. And Danny van Poppel, and Sam Bennett.

Shit. Lost it. But hey, it's early days yet.

And it might be cooler tomorrow.